bees are the best

I just really want my own house with a back yard and a vegetable garden and some chickens and some honey bees, and I’ll do my best to plant lots of flowers that butterflies love, and I can be an urban farmer with a floppy hat and if I have a baby she can sit on a blanket with a sweet mastiff and play with flowers and I’ll watch them while I pick fresh tomatoes and the three of us will go to the farmers market on the weekends and life would be good💖💖💖

So today started out dumb, but this afternoon was AWESOME.

I’m on the porch attempting to construct a railing for the stairs when I notice a weird noise. Like, a kind of droning or buzzing? And it’s getting loud. So I investigate. It’s coming from the neighbor’s yard. 

It is a metric fuckton of bees. I have never seen so many bees in my life. It is a fucking swarm of bees, and I have been reading about bees because I got a wild hair a few weeks back about wanting a hive of my own, but haven’t yet convinced Husbandthing, and there is suddenly a SWARMING HERD OF WILD HONEYBEES IN THE NEIGHBOR’S YARD.

I see postings on the neighborhood page all the time for feral swarm collection, but I also know the guy in the house across the alley just set up a hive. “Hey I think your hive escaped,” I text him. 

He calls me back about three minutes later. Turns out, the swarm he was supposed to get never came; the company went out of business and his order got cancelled, and he’d found out HALF AN HOUR AGO. And he says he’s got a friend who is a professional beekeeper, and he’s going to go pick her up and would it be okay if they came and got this swarm please please please?

So Bee Neighbor and Professional Beekeeper show up and immediately don bee suits. Apparently there is fierce competition for feral swarms, and the swarm in the neighbor’s tree is HUGE, and also twenty feet off the ground, and Bee Neighbor wants them very badly. 

The tree the bees are in is in a yard belonging to neither of us, so we go knock on the door, but there’s no answer. I knock on the house adjacent to it, but that guy’s not home either. Finally, I text the neighbor on the other side of me to see if he’s got contact info for the property owner, who is incredibly shy and in three years has never made eye contact. No luck. 

So…we trespass. We get my extension ladder, and Bee Neighbor climbs the tree while Professional Beekeeper stands on the ladder and walks him through the swarm collection. Turns out, you just shake the swarm into a box, and as long as the queen makes it into the box, the rest of the swarm will eventually follow. Bee Neighbor has never collected a swarm before (this is, in fact, his very first swarm of bees ever) and it takes the two of them the better part of an hour in the tree trying to shake the swarm into the box. 

Bees eventually get into the box. Bee Neighbor gets out of the tree without dying, and Professional Beekeeper examines the swarm and makes pleased noises. At this point, the box is the neighbor’s driveway, and about two thirds of the swarm is still milling around the box all confused. Since the neighbor isn’t home and we can’t contact him, he risks coming and parking right in the middle of a huge cloud of bees. Professional Beekeeper doesn’t want to move the box too far away, because we risk the milling bees losing the queen’s scent and never going into the box. An equidistant point between the current location and Bee Neighbor’s yard is the top of my recycling bin. 

So they put the box of bees on my recycling bin, and I text Husbandthing.

Now I have a box of bees that I am babysitting. They’re being all lazy and dopey and bumbling around. I think I might be in love. Bee Neighbor will pick the box up later tonight and put them in his hive, and then the bees will be MY neighbors too!!

THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST DAY EVER

Bee emoji reviews

apple going for the somewhat realistic interpretation, but those wings are just… wrong, and takes away from the rest of the image. 3/5

a friend. the innocent, humble friend that beesshould be portrayed as. i can overlook anatomical errors when it ends up being so damn friendly. 5/5

i appreciate the attempted art direction here, the top-down view is a unique twist, but mamma mia could someone at microsoft hold off from selecting the thickest black border available? 3/5

this bee is curious, inquisitive, and i’m sure they could warm up to being a good friend. 4/5

that’s one fat fucking bee. how does its small wings lift its fat body off the ground? i think this bee’s going to care about what we think is impossible. 2/5

this is a much more preferable interpretation of the top-down bee. reasonable line thickness, doesn’t look nearly as threatening. 4/5

similarly, this is acceptable. focuses more on gradients than flat colors, which i think is an interesting change of pace. 4/5

that’s a wasp. an aggressive, unpleasant wasp. that wasp is not my friend - it is a threat. and we shouldn’t be portraying bees as threats. 2/5

absolute adorable friendliness trumps technical anatomy. this bee is my best friend. 5/5

what the fuck is this shit

I TRIED

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The Difference between Bumble Bees and Honey Bees

Its come to my attention recently that a few of my bee lover friends are having trouble finding the difference between bumble bees and honey bees. 

But that’s okay because it has inspired me to write this post to clear up any confusion!!

Bumble bees and honey bees are actually very different!

Bumble bees have small, round, fluffy bodies and look like this: 

Honey bees are more slender and are less fluffy. They look like this:

Both bees are not overly aggressive when protecting their nest, but will sting to defend themselves or their colony. 

Honey bees can only sting once, whereas bumble bees are capable of stinging multiple times (bumble bees are pretty hardcore)

Bumble bee queens live for one year and other members of the hive only live for three. 

Honey bee queens can live for more than three years (honeybee queens are pretty hardcore too)

Bumble bee colonies are much smaller than honey bee colonies, with only a population of a few hundred compared to the honey bee colony which can have up to tens of thousands. 

Bumble bees actually do not produce a surplus of honey like honey bees, so beekeepers do not collect bumble bee honey for consumption. (That’s really cool, I didn’t know that!)

you: vassa is white she has red hair 

me, an intellectual:

i’m sorry i couldnt 

hear you over the 

sounds of 

the sixth queen

queen vassa 

the cursed firebird

Patater Week - Day 5

Feb. 10 - Social Media Shenanigans – Jeff kind of wishes that he didn’t know Kent and Alexei apparently sext each other through Snapchat pretty regularly. 1.3K

“What the hell are you doing?” Jeff asks, a towel over his head as he enters the locker room.

Kent doesn’t even look remotely embarrassed as he pulls his shirt down and pockets his phone. “Sexy snapchatting my boyfriend.”

“Okay.”

Alexei Mashkov likes his men blond, shameless, and a little stupid, he supposes. There’s no helping taste.

He shouldn’t be that surprised when, that night while marathoning Game of Thrones by himself, he gets a notification that he’s received a snapchat from Kent. When he opens it, he nearly drops his phone and spills his cup noodles all over his crotch.

Miss you lots babe, when you coming to Vegas??? Providence is no fun, the caption says. The Kent in the photo is lying down on what seems to be super soft blankets, the picture taken from the up-down to showcase Kent’s exceptional abs all the way down to his low waistband. He has an actual finger in his mouth, like he’s trying to play coy. It’s clearly sent to the wrong person. 

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“Memphis Minnie”  by Kay Robinson

Lizzie Douglas (June 3, 1897 – August 6, 1973), known as Memphis Minnie, was a blues guitarist, vocalist, and songwriter whose recording career lasted from the 1920s to the 1950s. She recorded around 200 songs, some of the best-known being “Bumble Bee”, “Nothing in Rambling”, and “Me and My Chauffeur Blues”.

Bee Joke

Once upon a time, there’s a bee. That bee goes to an average bee high school and has no friends. Slowly, after lots of perseverance, he makes friends. They’re good friends, the best friends a bee could have! After a hearty argument, this bee friends notice something. They’re really good at arguments! So good, in fact, that they recommend that they go and join the debate club. That bee turns out to be very good in debate club and becomes top in the entire school, winning one after another until there’s no awards left to win. On top of this, that bee was a straight “A” student and was recommended to go to Harvard. 

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