beer tub

Mister Hockey and the boy crying in the kitchen


Here’s the first part of a fic- AU where Bitty and Jack meet for the first time at the EpicKegster. 

Note that the second part of this is not written yet, and I’m crushed under my to-do list, so don’t expect it soon and please don’t ask when the next part will come, I don’t know. But I wanted to share this with y’all, so I hope you enjoy. 

I apologise for errors, typos or weird sentence structure, all my editing power is and will be concentrated on my own novel, so ha. 

pairings and warnings: pretty much what you get from the canon





Jack went down the stairs with a huff of annoyance. The first floor of the Haus was packed from wall to wall. Loud thumping music, laughter and yells that were barely tolerable from his room now seemed almost tangible, crushing him from all sides. He could already feel the beginnings of a headache.

He pushed his way through and managed to reach the kitchen unscathed. Only three guys were sitting at the table, loudly debating Plato’s cavern versus the Matrix, and another was leaning on the counter near the stove, muttering to himself.

Jack opened a cupboard, swore under his breath when he saw that it was empty of their usual mugs, glasses and bottles. He took a new red solo cup from the enormous pack available to all, and filled it with tap water, trying to ignore the guys at the table.

‘…aren’t you the most precious thing, baby…’

Jack turned around. The guy next to the oven was muttering endearments with a southern drawl- but there was no one next to him. He wasn’t even holding his phone.

Jack had a doubt. Was the guy talking to him?

‘Yes, you are lovely, a bit old, but I would love you, and take care of you, and create glorious things with you, oh sweetheart, if only…’

The guy was not talking to Jack. He was talking to the oven.

He was also, apparently, completely drunk.

‘… better things than pizza rolls, you can be sure of that, you sexy thing…’

Jack was a moment away from heading back to his room when he heard a sob.

‘… but it’s not to be, pretty thing, you and I will have to go our own separate ways and- sniffle- get with our own lonely lives and - oh lord, I’m being ridiculous-’

‘Huh-’ started Jack. ‘Are you okay?’

The guy turned around. He looked older than Jack expected. At least, he seemed to be over eighteen. Jack only had an impression of eyes and blond before he got the drunkest and fakest smile he ever saw in his life.

‘HI!’ said the boy. ‘Gosh, you’re big.’

‘… are you okay?’ repeated Jack.

‘Why, yes, of course! I’m peachy!’

‘You’re crying.’

The guy seemed surprised by this fact. He dried his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie and made a dismissive gesture with his other hand.

‘Don’t mind me, sweetheart, I’m being silly.’

‘…You were crying,’ insisted Jack. ‘And talking to the oven.’

‘Well, no one else seemed to give her love, so I figured-’

He stopped himself and looked at Jack.

‘You’re the Captain of the hockey team,’ he realised. ‘This is your house. This is your oven.’

‘…Yes? In a manner of speaking?’

‘What’s her name?’

‘Whose name?’

‘The OVEN,’ insisted the guy.

‘She- it doesn’t have a name?’

‘Blasphemy. If I had the chance to own such a lovely baby, I would name her something adorable! Like Daisy, or Betsy, and I would bake everyday, I would make pies and cookies and biscuits and-’

He burst into tears.

Jack threw a look around. The guys at the table were staring at them.

‘Dude, what’d’you do to him?’

‘Nothing!’

‘D’you break up with him or something?’

‘No! We just met! He was talking about the oven- and then- and then-’

He made a helpless motion towards the crying boy.

‘Maybe you should do something about it?’ suggested one of them.

‘Like what?’

‘Dunno. Something. To make him stop crying.’

Jack hesitated. He thought about retreating to the safety of his room, where the music didn’t hurt his ears and blonde strangers didn’t burst into tears at the sight of a kitchen appliance.

Awkwardly, he lifted a hand and patted the guy’s shoulder.

‘…there, there,’ he muttered, feeling like the most ridiculous man on Earth.

He got several thumbs ups from the table residents. Which didn’t help his predicament at all. The boy was still crying.

‘Hey, hey, shh, don’t cry, everything is going to be okay…’

‘You don’t know that!’ wailed the blonde boy.

‘Okay, you’re right. Maybe, huh, what could make it right?’

‘I want to BAAAAAAAAAKE!’

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It's my humble opinion that guys really need to get behind this whole bath thing

Okay look I get it, the idea of sitting in your own grime can be a bit off putting but sometimes you need the ultimate relaxer.
Most fellas I know don’t really have baths because it’s always seen as girly or whatever, I dunno shit makes no sense to me but I’m high as a fucking kite right now so let’s move on.

I present to you

The Dude Bath

What you’ll need:

-A 6 pack of your favourite brew
-A good strand of indica weed
-Your favourite movie
-Bath spice? I dunno, the tickly stuff you put in the water

Steps:

1) Put your laptop on your toilet seat because it sits about eye level with the bath. Load the movie.
2) Draw a hot bath
3) Add your bath spice stuff
4) Rip a decent sized bowl
5) Open a beer
6) Play the movie. Watch till the end.

Rules:

A) You must finish the whole 6 pack
B) You must finish your beer before you can refill the tub with hot water.

Guys we have to chill out more. If you try this and like it then share it with your friends.

Sweet Treats, Now Gimme The Deets (Jake x F/MC)

Title: Sweet Treats, Now Gimme The Deets
Fandom: Endless Summer
Prompt: For the anon who requested “This is girl talk, so leave” (JakexMC) from @choicesimaginesandmore!  (I hope this satisfies your request!  I had a lot of fun writing it 💖)
Word Count: 1282

Summary: Quinn, Michelle, and M/C didn’t know it would lead to this, but somehow a plate of desserts got M/C accidentally sharing her potential interests in a certain pilot.

——-

The sun sets, painting the mysterious atmosphere of La Huerta glorious shades of purples, pinks, and oranges.  A cool breeze sweeps through the abandoned Celestial, which has recently been taken over by ten college kids, an oh-so-optimistic tour guide, and a disgruntled pilot.  Another day has passed since they’ve landed on the island, and they have yet to discover any new leads.  As the days go by, they grow more tired.  Determined, but still tired.  

It’s important to treat yourself after a long day’s work.  Thus, the entire gang has chosen to hang by the pool – whether they be sipping a beer by the hot tub, playing water games in the pool, chatting by the bar or lounge chairs, they’re all having fun forgetting the situation they’re stuck in.  They were all enjoying the outdoors, all except…

Mmmmmm…”

“Oh. My.  God.”

“Tell me about it.”  

Seated together in the hotel’s restaurant is you, Quinn, and Michelle, murdering the plate of chocolate-coated strawberries in front of you that Quinn found in the kitchen.  “This is the best thing that has happened to me since we landed here.  Thank you, Quinn,” Michelle moans through the strawberry she stuffs in her mouth.
“Of course!  Everyone can use a little something sweet.” The redhead says giddily.

“Seriously, though – mmph, these are so good – If I were to die on this island, I could die happy now.” You join the others in devouring the platter.  

“Desserts always make me happy,” Quinn continues, “I think it’s the best way to treat yourself after a long day of struggling.”  

Michelle gulps down her food quickly, so she can open her mouth to speak.  “I know that feeling,” She points at Quinn, referring to what she said.  “When I spent countless nights applying for med schools, Sean would occasionally stop by my house with these mini macaroons, and we’d eat them together while we caught up with each other days.”  Her eyes gleam with reminiscence as her mind wanders off to the memory of her ex-love.

Quinn clears her throat.  “How are you feeling since the breakup, Michelle? That is – if you don’t mind me asking. I know it must be hard.”

Michelle’s blonde hair bounces on her shoulder and she leans back on her seat. She sighs deeply, and closes her eyes for a short moment.  “It still hurts,” She mumbles wearily, “I regret how it ended, everyday. But –“ She sighs again, this time to clear her thoughts, “I did what I did.  And I have to face the consequences.  Which…is why I shouldn’t be stopping him – indirectly - from pursuing other people.”  

Her eyes shift to you.  You return her eye contact for a bit, not knowing why she’s looking at you that way.  Then it hits you.

“Oh! Um, thanks Michelle.”  You give her a small smile.  “But, I’m not interested in Sean.”  

“You’re not?”  She raises her eyebrows as you shake your head, a little surprised.  

Quinn pipes up, “I bet I know who M/C likes,” She beams.  “It’s the pilot, isn’t it?”  

“Quinn, I do not…” Now you’re beaming back.  You don’t want to admit to your new friends that you’re developing a little crush on Jake McKenzie, but you don’t want to lie to them either.  The thought of being near him, talking to him, exchanging quick glances with each other, makes your heart flutter.  

“Ohmigod, M/C’s totally trying not to blush right now.  Is it Jake?”  Michelle lights up excitedly, “It’s Jake, isn’t it?”

“What’s Jake?”

The three of you spin around to see the man of the hour, scruffy five’o’clock shadow and all, strolling over to your table.  His dog tags bounce off his chest each step he takes.  “Speak of the devil…” You mutter underneath your breath.

“Hi Jake,” Quinn gestures to the plate on the table.  “Chocolate-dipped strawberry?”  

“Don’t mind if I do,” Jake snatches one from the platter and pops it in his mouth with no hesitation.  “You never answered my question.  What’s Jake?”

“Oh, nothing.  We were just talking about you.” Michelle answers coyly.  You suppress the urge to shoot her a look.  

“I don’t blame you, there’s plenty about me to talk about,” The pilot smirks. “Anyway, I was just wondering if I could steal Princess here for a walk around the hotel.”  

“What makes you think I want to go on a walk with you?” You raise your eyebrows in retort.

“What makes me think you don’t?”  

Jake’s grinning at you, and you can’t help but grin back.  “Touché,” You mindlessly lick your lips.  “I’ll join you in a bit.  Meet you on the benches?”

“Cool.” He’s about to walk away, but notices the side-eyes and smirks Quinn and Michelle are secretly throwing each other. 

“…Am I interrupting something?  It looks like Pippi and Maybelline here are trying to eye-fuck each other.”  

“We’re not the only ones eye-fucking each other on the island,” Michelle teases, which she in return gets a giggle from Quinn, and a nudge from you underneath the table.  

“Oh yeah?  Care to share the deets?”  Jake raises his eyebrows in amusement and reaches for another strawberry.  “This is one of the calmer days on this island. If one of you kids is pining over someone, now’s the time to fill me in.”  

Quinn shoots you a quick glance, before resting her head on her hand and smiling innocently at Jake.  “We’ll tell you later.”

“Why not now?”  

Because, we’re in the middle of Girl Talk™, and somebody is invading our sesh.”  You smile at the pilot smugly.  “So, Jake, this is the part where you leave.”  

Jake lets out a little snort and playfully raises his hands up in defense. “Alright, alright,” He announces as he takes a few steps back.  He makes eye contact with you, a look of determination and expectancy.  “Meet you on the benches, Princess.”

“See ya.”

As soon as he strides away, you snap your head back to Michelle and Quinn, who are both biting their lips and raising their eyebrows at you.  “I hate you both,” You say teasingly.  Quinn tries to stifle a giggle, and you shoot her a look. “What?”  

“He wants to ravish you so bad.”  She responds giddily.  

“Oh my god,” You roll your eyes in denial, but can’t help to smirk at the whole situation that just went down.  

“Oh, he so does,” Michelle sips her glass of water slyly, “And you should go for it too.  Sex with older men is usually great – and Jake looks like someone who would definitely have you quivering and moaning so loud the entire hall can – “

“I – okay.  This is my cue to leave.” You feel your face growing hot and gently push yourself up from you seat, “Great talk you guys - but - I have walking duties to attend to.”  

Walking duties,” Quinn airquotes and winks at you.

“Walking duties – without the airquotes.”  

Oookay.”  

“Seriously.”  

Sure.

You glance at the two of them amusingly - and they return the same look - once more before turning around.  “I’m gonna go.” You declare and strut away. “See you later!”  

“Make good decisions, M/C!” Quinn chirps.  Their giggles grow more faint the further you walk away from them, and closer to the pilot. 

You don’t know this yet, but that moment of bonding between the three of you will last in your memories for a lifetime.

 ——-

Bonus:

 “Hey, Princess,” Jake calls out as he sees you walking out of the Celestial.  “You gonna fill me in on who’s been mentally stripping the other off?”  

“Oh, you haven’t noticed?” You tease, “Sean’s been giving you the look ever since we hopped off your plane.”  

Jake looks dumbfounded for a second.  “I hope to god you’re joking.”  

“I don’t know what goes on in Sean’s head.”  

Things to do to mend your heart

1. Buy a plant. Buy two plants. Buy as many plants as you want because they will turn the stale love plagued air of your apartment into fresh air once again.

2. Take bubble baths and drink beer in the tub. Stretch your legs out as far as the porcelain ocean will let you. Hold your breath under the water until your eyes get fuzzy. Come up for air. You are whole, you are clean, and you are probably a little bit drunk.

3. Sleep on his side of the bed. Realize that his side of the bed has a great view of the entire apartment. Sleep in the middle of the bed. Sleep on your side of the bed. The entire bed is your side now.

4. Take your dog on walks. She’s been there to lick your tears off your face and cuddle with you whenever you call her name. Take her out. Walk circles around the neighborhood. It’ll make her happy and it’ll probably make you happy too.

5. Take two times the recommended dose of melatonin every night to help you escape your sleeplessness. It’s okay, you won’t need it forever. You need your sleep right now though, so take it.

6. Sleep with the light above the stove on. Realize you’ve only spent two nights in the apartment alone over the past year and leave a light on because things get scary when you’re alone.

7. Go to the thrift store and buy $3.99 pictures. Hang them in your apartment. Make the apartment yours once and for all. 

8. Fill your time with your friends. Go out with them when they invite you and you don’t really want to. Laugh, drink, curse your ex even though you still love him.

9. But also have time to yourself. Cook yourself dinner and eat it in front of the tv watching your current netflix binge. Spend time alone and be okay with it.

10. Cry. This isn’t a fun one but it’s going to happen. Cry until your makeup runs down your face like the god damn Mississippi River. Wipe it off and feel new again.

casualtornado  asked:

the one where ransom and holster are just bros until they're late 20s and still rooming together (in a nice luxury flat) playing for the same team in the NHL and don't realise they're really fucking married until they do.

ohhh my gosh i’m so weak for this (im writing a fic where they don’t realize they’re dating rn actually)

but consider - they moved in together after graduation when they both got signed to some team in New York, and Ransom found them a hairless cat bc Holster’s always wanted a cat but he’s super allergic and it’s kind of creepy but they love it anyways and probably name it Bergy bc they’re big nerds

They always go grocery shopping together they’re both really terrible at it and always end up forgetting to buy something like milk or eggs because they get distracted by the gallon sized jars of nutella or the frozen chicken fingers that are totally shaped like penises

more disjointed domestic trash under the cut

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This prompt is going to be my demise. I’ve deleted the old one and reposted from scratch. This is the third time I rewrite this bloody headcanon (that’s how much i love it.)

I want a fic where Jack gets a wish, does he find a genie? Does he save a faerie? Don’t care, fic magic, he gets one wish and he wishes to fix what he considers the biggest mistake of his life.

Jack wakes up in a penthouse in Las Vegas. He’s in a timeline where he got picked first in the draft and went to play with the Aces. He still has the memories of both lives, so at first he’s excited. He’s playing with a great team, he’s one of the best players in the league, he has won the Stanley Cup not once, but twice, etc.

Then slowly he realizes his life is pretty empty outside of hockey. All his teammates are just that, teammates. His friends from Samwell don’t know him. The relationship with his family is sort of meh, like he talks occasionally with his parents and sees them on holidays, but without the wakeup call his parents never bothered to go past his everything is fine exterior, nor do they encourage him to open up, so he feels he is talking to strangers.

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