beer temple

100% Totally Accurate Facts About Your Favorite Jedi

1. Depa Biliba is the reigning Jedi Temple Beer Pong Champion.

2. It’s well established that Anakin Skywalker eats live bugs.  Less well known is that Ahsoka has moved up the food chain to live small vertebrates.

3. Mace Windu has played Dr. Frankenfurter on stage.  Three times.  He’s got a lovely voice and the legs for the role.

4. 67% of all chupacabra sightings are actually Master Yoda.

5. Obi-wan Kenobi has “lost” a total of twelve robes since the war began,  However, at least three of them are in his Commander’s foot locker.

6. Quinlan Vos has technically only broken one bone in his life, his left radius.  However, he’s broken it on seventeen separate occasions, mostly by doing “Stupid shit” according to his commander.

7. Jocasta Nu can rap like hell, and has been a contributing artist on several underground albums.

8. Plo Koon is considered massively attractive for a Kel-Dor.  He rarely visits his home-world because he doesn’t like the attention.

9.  Kit Fisto cries whenever he sees baby animals.  They’re so small.

10. Aalya Secura is a Certified Tax Accountant, and does a side business on the rare occasion things are slow.

11. Shaak Ti didn’t realize she actually IS venomous until she was well into her thirties.  She didn’t realize she was dyslexic either.  Jedi healthcare is a goddamn mess.

  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b>Crew:</b> okay Shepard, you've gotta tell us, what's your first name?<p/><b>Shepard:</b> my first name? I'm surprised you haven't asked before, it's--<p/><b>Grunt:</b> *charges past leading a horde of krogan in a conga line for the noodle stand*<p/><b>Shepard:</b> --but everyone just calls me Shepard!<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>

“So, why a sweater?” 

 “Huh?” 

 "Why date a sweater?” 

 A.A. sighed and set down their beer, rubbing their temples while Evan waited patiently. “Because it’s…easier. And safer.” 

 “It’s…easier?” Evan echoed. 

 They sighed again. 

“Humans are complicated creatures. You can never know exactly what they want or mean, even if they tell you. With Sweater, I already know what he wants and what he’s going to do. He’s simple.”  They took a swig of their drink before continuing. “You’re more likely to continue to get harassed if you turn down advances because you’re asexual than if you tell them you already have a partner. Humans can lie and cheat and break your heart. It’s safer to date Sweater.” 

 Evan was silent for a moment. “I guess I just always see you loving on people, I didn’t understand why you don’t date any of them.” 

 "Evan, I love you.” 

 The man gave an awkward giggle, sitting up a bit straighter. “Hahaha, what?” 

"I love you.” They repeated, quite serious. “I love you, and Jonathan, and Marcel, and Brock, and Tyler, and Craig, and everyone else. I love a lot of people Evan, and I’m not afraid to show that I love them. It doesn’t necessarily mean I want to date all of you.”

 "But if you did-” 

 "If I did, and they wanted to date me too; we would have to broach the topic of polyamory. That is more often than not a deal breaker for a lot of people, just because of the misconceptions circling polyamory. I love fully and freely without reservation. If the person I want to date can’t handle that, then there’s no reason to enter a romantic relationship." 

 "Then why date anyone if you love so many people?" 

 "There’s a difference between platonic and romantic love, Evan. And even in those two types of love, there are subcategories. You love your parents in a different way you love your friends. I love you differently than I would love my romantic partner.” They wrapped an arm over the man’s shoulders. “Or partners.”

 "I-“

 "Why are you asking? Interested in dating me, smol one?" 

 "No.” Evan laughed. “No offense.”

 "None taken, sweetie.“ A.A. leaned in to press a noisy kiss to the man’s cheek, pulling back and unwrapping their arm from his neck. 

"I was just curious is all." 

 "You know what they say about curiosity.” A.A. grinned, sipping from their drink. “It killed the cat." 

 "But satisfaction brought it back.”