“I’m so sick of this, Jensen!” As I stormed into the living room, and saw him coming in late from work yet again, I gave him a glare as I walked right up to him and pushed him against the wall. “It’s two in the freaking morning! We have three Jeopardy’s to catch up on and not to mention an Amazing Race episode, and you’re just out all night leaving me here by myself!”
“No! I let it slide yesterday and the day before, but I’m lonely, Jensen. And I know you’re almost done with filming, but I don’t care! I have to sit here every night and drink beer and watch stupid Wheel of Fortune, and then change channels because I would feel bad if I watched Jeopardy without you. But I’m done doing that. I’m sick of it. So the next time you’re late getting home, I’m gonna go ahead and watch Jeopardy. And I won’t leave you leftovers either because I’m sick of cooking for two just to sit alone at the dinner table, so you can kiss that good-”
Suddenly his hand was wrapped under my chin and on my cheeks as he was pushing my lips closed in an attempt to shut me up. My glare only intensified.
“Don’t touch me. We’re fighting,” I huffed, causing him to laugh and peck me on the lips softly. “No, Jensen. I’m annoyed. Really, really annoyed right now.”
“Y/N, we’re done filming.”
“Oh, stop with your excuses, Jay! I’m just so waiting for the day that we can wake up late and lay in bed and do nothing all day, just because we fucking want to! Wait…” I stopped and tilted my head at him as his smile grew. “You’re done?”
“Yeah, we stayed late tonight to finish up,” He chuckled. “If you would stop fighting with me, you’d have known that a lot sooner.”
I looked down at my feet, embarrassed at myself, then looked up at him and gave him a guilty smile, “So…Jeopardy?”
He kissed my forehead and walked towards the kitchen, dragging me by the hand, “You said there were leftovers?”
I bit my lip nervously and smiled sheepishly, “Well…I may have gotten hungry and eaten it because you were so late getting home…”
He sighed, then brought out his phone, “Pizza it is, then.”
1. Never take your wife wheeling AND forget the toilet paper. 2. Always blame your spotter. 3. A taller lift and larger tires will temporarily lower the driver’s IQ. 4. Never own more than one Jeep at a time. 5. All mud, no matter where it is in the world, smells like ass. 6. And the worse the mud smells, the greater the likelihood of you having to climb out and pull cable. 7. When someone says that you are standing in their line……..move! 8. Conversely, when I tell you my rig is going to be where you are standing in just a second…..it is. 9. “Just bump it a little” is not a phrase understood by most people. Get the hell out of the way. 10. Repeat after me…..”Honey, if I can just get this one last part, the Jeep will be done”. 11. The Jeep is never “done”. Anyone who says that theirs is, is lying. 12. Never lock a D30. 13. Never lock a D35. And btw, there’s no such thing as a Super 35. 14. Set up your winch remote BEFORE you need it…..Dumbass! 15. Tevas are not suitable footwear for wheeling. 16. Don’t forget the bug spray. 17. Oops is not a word you want to hear from your mechanic, your Doctor or particularly, your spotter. 18. Yes, your rig is going to get scratched. If you have an aversion to this, stay home. Better yet, buy a Honda. 19. One man’s definition of a stocker run is not necessarily another’s. Take a look at the person’s rig for clarification. 20. Extreme depends on your point of view. 21. Stay far, far away from the “hold my beer and watch this” crowd. 22. Never wheel alone. And never forget your winch remote in the barn……..ever. 23. Never, ever spot for your wife or girlfriend. 24. Whatever tool you need, just stop looking now…..it’s at home in the garage. 25. No, I will not run the winch for you. I will stand behind a tree out of the line of fire. 26. If you enjoy standing in the rain, up to your knees in mud, getting eaten by mosquitoes the size of small birds, all the while tearing up hundred dollar bills, you’re going to love wheeling. 27. Have proper recovery points, because if it means me not missing dinner, I will rip the front axle right out from under your rig. 28. When someone is decent enough to tell you that you can’t make a particular obstacle (see #33), do yourself a favor and listen to them. 29. Windows and top up and AC on does not make you a pussy. It makes you smarter than they are. 30. The primary uses of the CB radio are to heckle your friends and to decide where you’re going to eat and drink after the run. 31. Turn the damned CB off when you go into the restaurant however so that I don’t have to jump your rig. 32. Anyone with a programmable horn should never be allowed to wheel with you. 33. Just remember when your “friends” are “encouraging” you, they all have their cameras out. 34. If you don’t think it’s a good idea, it probably isn’t. 35. Never wheel with Subarus. 36. Momentum can be your friend but speed almost never is. 37. Avoid people who think that money can buy talent. 38. If someone says, “just bounce it off the rev limiter”, bounce something off their head. 39. Never discuss politics, religion or tires in polite company. 40. If the person in front of you does something stupid, you are under no obligation to make the same mistake. 41. Money and enthusiasm does not a wheeler make. Stay far away from the highly enthused noob. 42. Gas up BEFORE you arrive at the trailhead because next time we’re leaving your dumb ass. 43. Never be enticed by the phrase, “that line has never been successfully done before”. 44. Always check actual retail price of Jeep parts BEFORE you buy something on CL that looks like a good deal. 45. Never buy gears or tires used. 46. Be very selective about who you will let spot for you, VERY selective. 47. Washing transfer case parts in the dishwasher is very effective. Just don’t get caught. 48. Discretion is always the better part of valor. 49. Never make a bet that will cause you to have to wear a dress on the next run if you lose. 50. When your wife tells you not to do something……don’t. 51. Never make banjo sounds where the indigenous population can hear you. 52. Always use the valet cart to move your doors into your room at a five star resort. 53. A guy wearing a “Trail Guide” shirt is, in all likelihood, no smarter than you are. Witness the fact that I own several 54. Get in, sit down, hold on and shut up. 55. Addendum to above. When I panic then you can. 56. Glazed donuts make great hamburger buns. 57. Gas prices rise along with the size of your rig. 58. Breakdowns are exponentially more expensive the bigger your rig gets. 59. With very few exceptions, leave spares home. You’re not going to have what you need anyway. 60. Exceptions include belts, hoses and u-joints. 61. Speed costs money. How slow do you want to go? 62. When wheeling with a large group, always try to be near the front of the pack. Trust me. 63. When someone says, “trust me”, run and hide. 64. 35s will not fit on your Libby. I don’t care what the tire store told you. 65. Don’t take your doors off on a muddy day. 66. “Trail Rated” does not mean what you think it does. 67. It doesn’t mean what Jeep thinks it does either. 68. One spotter at a time. The rest of y’all can STFU! 69. Self explanatory. 70. Life is too short to drink cheap beer or to wheel with assholes. 71. After three unsuccessful tries, pull cable. 72. Any more than that and the rest of us will encourage you to do something really stupid. 73. Wheel while you can because the vocal minority wants the keys to your rig. 74. No one will get a picture of you conquering the unconquerable, but screw up just this much and everybody gets it on film. 75. The camera never does justice to the terrain. 76. Ignore the moron with the junkyard refugee who says that you never wheel. 77. Just buy the ProRock 44 and be done with it……life is too short for major projects. 78. A TJ frame in the Northeast is rusted. I don’t care how good it looks. 79. The next new Jeep will be a disappointment to enthusiasts also…..get used to it. 80. Never attend a wheeling event with the intention of just watching. It never works out. 81. Air down. 82. Put it in 4WD before you think you need to. Don’t be “that” guy.
WHAT: American Beer Day WHERE: The Rusty Wheel WHEN: Friday, October 27, 5PM - ?
Let’s have some fun with beer, shall we?
Since our volunteer days seem to be going over pretty well, we figured we’d offer Bayviewians one more chance before the big holidays roll in… and this time, we’re heading to the bar..
On Friday, October 27th, from 5PM until the last person stumbles out of our bar, we’re going to be running The Rusty Wheel. We’re going to need some help! Bar tenders, obviously, but security, bus buys, waitresses to man the few tables, cooks who really like appetizers, and of course, a few drinkers, too.
So start studying up on how to make your favorite cocktails, and get ready… American Beer Day is right around the corner.
They break on a mission, and Clint is a little– not a lot, just a tiny bit, like, so small it’s really immeasurable –panicky. Because he knows that this is the only way they can communicate with one another, and if he can’t hear the COMLINK when it’s wedged in his ear canal, he’s not going to be all that helpful.
Sometimes he thinks he can hear something, very faintly. But if it’s a real voice or just his imagination, he’s got no clue. So he does the only thing he can do in a situation like this. He improvises.