beer can in a brown bag

Imagine teasing Deadpool.

You look up at your apartment building and immediately see the loud mouth merc sitting at the top of the building, feet dangling over the edge.  Rolling your eyes, you head into the building and up the flight of stairs to your apartment carrying a brown take out bag. You walk inside and grab two beers from the frig, head straight out the window and up the fire escape.

Reaching the top of the stairs, you hop onto the roof and see Mr. Deadpool himself.

“Yo, Wade!” You call out as you come up behind him.

“Hey hot stuff. Fancy meeting you here.” You can hear the smile underneath his mask.

“Yeah, strange meeting you up here. Not like I don’t live in this building, dumb ass.”

Wade laughs, patting the spot next to him. Luckily, you were not afraid of heights, so you take a seat next to him on the wide ledge.

“I got beers and food,” you pass a beer to Wade.

“Tell me those are tacos in that bag.” He reaches for the bag, but you quickly move it out of his reach.

“I’m only giving you five this time, jerk.” You warn.

“Stop teasing, you’re giving me a major boner.”

You peer at his crotch, squinting, “Nothing major about that.”

“Ouch, you hurt me. But it’s true.”

You laugh and hand over the tacos to Wade.

“You are too good to me,” He lifts his mask just under his nose.

“You’re telling me, Wade.” You tease not paying much attention to the scarred skin that was showing. It didn’t really faze you much, but you hadn’t seen his whole face yet. Sipping from your beer, you devour a taco in two bites.

“Damn, you swallow fast!” Wade exclaims, stuffing a taco in his own mouth.

“Show me your face and I’ll show you my swallowing skills.” You nod to his mask.

The voices in Wade’s head yell at him to do it, because it had been awhile since anyone, but himself had touched his dick.

“Deal.” Is all he says as he pulls his mask off. You set the taco in your hand down and give Wade’s face a once over. His scarred skin didn’t really gain a reaction from you, instead you blink once and shrug.

“Eh, I’ve dated uglier dudes.”

Wade’s brown eyes actually softens as he set his mask down and takes a sip from his beer, smiling to himself.

“I showed you mine, now show me yours.” Wade smirks up from his beer.

“Okay.” You swing a leg to straddle the ledge and face Wade looking deep into his eyes. He wiggles in his spot turning to face you, waiting for you to make a move. So you open your mouth and move your head down toward his crotch. And when Wade becomes visibly excited, you reach down for the taco next to you, stuffing it whole in your mouth. Quickly you chew and swallow it, beaming with laughter.

Wade grins widely, “Oh, you fucken tease! I’m touching myself tonight!”

[This is a bit of a higher-spoon recipe, but shepherd’s pie is a great casserole-type dish to prepare when you have a few spoons to spare, since once it’s done you can just pop it in the fridge and eat it for leftovers all week long!]

Brown ground beef (or other protein) in a large saucepan. Add salt, pepper, and wine or beer (optional), and add a bag of frozen mixed vegetables. Cook through, then add ~1 tablespoon [15 mL] flour or starch to thicken. 

As your filling cooks, prepare mashed potatoes. You can use anything from whole potatoes to powdered reconstituted potatoes, depending on your needs or spoons. 

Dump the filling into an oven-safe container, then spread potatoes on top. Brown under the broiler for ~15 minutes, or until potatoes are crispy on top!

For easier cleanup, use a stovetop-to-oven saucepan such as a Le Creuset enameled pot to cook your filling. Then, you can just spread the potatoes over the cooked filling directly in the pot and pop it into the oven without making another dish dirty.

Ultimate Cheeseburger with onion rings
Tomato ketchup, American mustard, Red Leicester cheese, blue cheese, cheddar cheese, maple glazed bacon, beef patty.

Bread: choose your preferred roll, I like plain white. Crusty on the outside but soft in the middle. Mmm. Make sure you toast it.

Onion rings: mix Cajun seasoning, pepper, garlic powder, flour in a freezer bag. Put in onion rings and shake to coat. Then, make a mix of the same flour mixture, but add beer (I use Becks but you can use whatever). Thicker batter gives better onion rings. Then put them in a deep fryer until golden brown. Tip: make them earlier and only half fry them. This way you can cook way more at once without them sticking together.

Meat: paprika, garlic powder, pepper, salt. Mix with mince meat (I used beef). 125g = 1 patty. Flatten out into patties that are slightly larger than the rolls. Put them on baking paper, stack them, put a plate on top, and refrigerate for at least an hour. Then put them in a frypan with some oil and cook them most of the way through. When they’re nearly done, put some cheese on top, cover with a lid or Pyrex bowl, and let the cheese melt.

http://psionic-architect.tumblr.com/post/127450958825/ultimate-cheeseburger-with-onion-rings-tomato