been promising myself for a while

2

I’ve had some really great feedback here and on AO3 about this fic so I wanted to make sure I updated it today, as it has in fact been a while. So far, there’s the potential that my weekends will be free enough for me to continue with my writing but I’m touching wood. I don’t want to promise anything. Wish me luck!

Prompt[s]: I sometimes literally get angry at “myself” while reading the Tower 😂😂😂

Dang it, ya frickin’ little #$!@, why’d ya have to fall asleep? It was getting good.

I hate myself in the tower. I just want them to have a full blown make out session. I also want to see more Thor.

‘The Tower’ (Part 20)

All Chapters // Part 19

When you awoke the next morning, you realised quickly that you were not in your bed where you remembered falling asleep. Why… Why were you in the window seat? Where was–

“Good morning,” Loki chuckled, noting the entertaining expression of confusion written on your face. He was sat at the writing desk and slowly slid the topmost drawer shut. It looked as though he was trying to be sly – and failing.
“Good…” You wiped a little drool from the side of your mouth and groaned. Gross. “Good morning.”
“You heard me muttering to myself last night,” Loki explained and everything came back in spades. “I… I confessed a thing or two to you, though I don’t know what of it you remember.”

You counted the topics on your finger.
“You’re a war criminal, you need to regret it to get out of here, and you’re madly in love with me.”

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hey, guys. 

I hope it hasn’t been too obvious because I think I’ve had my queue going for a little while, but I’ve been pretty MIA for the past week or so.

Life has been hectic and I’m having a really hard time with art right now. Lots of discouragement and un-fun feelings. Art is my coping method, my activity to go to when I am feeling stressed or down or what-have-you, but lately it’s been a major source of negative feelings.

I’m so bummed because of course I know it is Tsukki’s birthday this week and I desperately want to get something done for him…but I really don’t know if I can right now

I’m sorry. I know 95% of you are here for my art, not for me rambling or screaming in tags of countless reblogs, so I’m sorry if I’ve been letting any of you down lately.

One Year Later: Moving and Life Issues, and why the game was delayed.

Hey everyone. Today marks the anniversary of moving out on my own to California. And as many of you may notice, I haven’t been all too active since I left, save for the fan game and its trailers. And while the trailer was a big success, something has been haunting me for nearly a year now, and I have to address it if I want to get better and actually update more consistently again.

I had always stated it was just because I was focusing on the game, but its a bit more than that. And, well, I’m in a bad place once again for it. 

Keep reading

Whoops my fingers slipped haha this was cathartic

sorry if this is bad I wrote it in like 30 minutes

~

Tony,

I’m glad you’re back at the compound, I don’t like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. I’ve been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere – even in the Army. My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. And I’m happy to say for the most part, they haven’t let me down. Which is why I can’t let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but – maybe they shouldn’t. I know I hurt you Tony. I guess I thought – by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but… I can see now I was really sparing myself. I’m sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you were only doing what you believe in, and that’s all any of us can do, it’s all any of us should. So no matter what, I promise if you — if you need us. If you need me, I’ll be there.

Tony frowned, looking down at the phone that was sitting on his desk.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, staring at the offending object, but it must’ve been a while, because suddenly Rhodey was rolling up behind him in his chair, returning from PT.

“Hey,” Rhodey said, stopping by the desk and nodding towards the box that had been tossed aside once opened. “What was in there?”

“A letter,” Tony said, smiling humorlessly. “From Steve. And a burner phone.”

“That so?” Rhodey asked, body going rigid with fury, glaring at the letter in Tony’s hand. “What did he have to say?”

“Says that… he’s sorry he didn’t tell me about my parents… that the Avengers are my family… that he’s sorry we couldn’t agree on the Accords…. He also says that if I ever need him for anything, I can use this,” Tony help up the burner phone by the edges, careful not to touch it with more than just his thumb and index finger, “to call him and he’ll be there.”

Rhodey’s face flattened, going into the strongest bitch face Tony had ever seen.

“Are you fucking kidding me,” Rhodey deadpanned.

“Apparently not,” Tony said blandly, tossing the phone back in the desk with distain. Rhodey reached over and snatched the letter out of Tony’s hand.

“’The Avengers are your family, maybe more so than mine,’ what the fuck is that? Some family, they all left you!”

“Thanks Rhodey,” Tony murmured, face buried in his hands, “I had almost forgotten that happened for a second.”

“Oh you know what I mean,” Rhodey argued, but there was no heat in his voice and he was looking at Tony with concern. “So what are you going to do?”

Tony moved his hands, resting his chin on one fist and toying with the phone with the other. He sat there quietly for a long time. Rhodey was just about to speak again when a slow smirk spread across Tony’s face, the first glimpse of the old Tony that Rhodes had seen in days.

“I think I’ve got an idea.”

~

It had been nearly two months since what the media was calling the “Avenger’s Civil War,” and nearly a month and a half since Steve had sent Tony his apology letter and the burner phone, and still, Tony had yet to call him.

It was a gorgeous sunny day in Wakanda, and Steve, Clint, Sam, and Wanda were sitting in the living room, reading and watching TV, waiting for something to happen or something to do.

Sam and Wanda were sitting and talking quietly by the window. Clint had been sitting on he couch and flipping through the channels for almost twenty minutes, never staying on one channel for more than thirty seconds. And Steve was sitting on armchair in the corner, holding the burner phone in his hand and waiting for it to ring, when T'Challa walked into the room, box in hand.

“Mr. Rogers,” T'Challa said, nodding at the others in the room before walking towards Steve.

“King T'Challa,” Steve said, standing and slipping the phone into his back pocket. “I thought you were still in Vienna for the UN meetings?”

“I was, but we decided to take a recess for a few days, as I had things to take care of in Wakanda and we were not really getting anything done.” T'Challa moved the box from under his arm, thrusting it at Steve, a small indecipherable smile on his face. “I was, however, asked to give this to you.”

“Me?” Steve asked, cold fear flooding his body. “How would they know you could get it to me? Does someone know we’re here?”

“Yes, but I assure you, it’s no one you need worry about,” T'Challa smirked, an amused twinkle in his eye. “They told me not to tell you who it is from, and that you’d recognize the sender when you opened it.”

“Okay…,” Steve said slowly. “Thank you for bringing it to me,” he called out as the King turned and walked away.

“My pleasure, Captain.”

Steve felt his confusion rise when he heard the obvious entertainment in T'Challa’s voice. Looking down at the box in his hand, he sat back down in his chair and began to open it.

A rattling noise came from inside when the box flipped, and Steve’s brow furrowed. Once opened, he dumped the content of the box into his lap and felt his heart drop into his stomach as he looked at the objects in his lap.

Plastic pieces of what looked like an old, cheap flip phone fell out, shattered as though someone had taken a hammer to it repeatedly. On top of the pieces, a slip of paper.

Steve picked up the paper, heart pounding in his chest and ears, and unfolded it.

All that was written inside, in Tony’s blocky, engineer handwriting, was:

Fuck. You. :)

8

[ playlist ]
bap + pastel

On Edge (Valentines)

Requests: “Pls do a protective/ jealous Stefan imagine. Could be smut idc but jealous is so cute!!!” (Credits to gif owners! I also kept this as fluff because fluffy and jealous Stefan seems cuter.)

Valentine’s Day was a huge deal in Mystic Falls High. Kids from your classes got to buy candy grams and to pass balloons out for their friends. So far you’d gotten a few from guys you didn’t know, balloons, teddy bears to chocolates in a box. 

 You were excited to see Stefan, you didn’t get to his locker yet but you were going to give him a candy gram and a heart shaped balloon that you blew up yourself in the school store. 

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Teasing

Reader x Stiles Stilinski

(NOT MY GIF)

Imagine: You are Derek Hale’s daughter and has a passionate relationship with Stiles Stilinski, but he doesn’t know. Once he founds out, he invites Stiles over to dinner and you decide it’s good timing to make him pay for all the teasing.

N/A - It’s nearly three in morning, so forgive me for any mistakes. I’ll fix them later. 

Warnings: sort of smut, but it only has some handjob; also, swearing. that’s all. 

Word Count: 1767


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A (Very) Promising Update

Wow. Okay. Hey everyone (that’s still around). YCPfE and I are finally back. Like. Actually back.

I know it’s been a long break and I kind of disappeared after saying I’d update - and I know there’s only so much I can say to excuse myself, but a bunch of things kind of all happened at once. (After I got out of the hospital, my father went into hospital (hence the trip back to my other home), and then because it was so bad, I had to move him halfway across the country to come live with me for a while. THEN, if that wasn’t enough, one of my partner’s family members was murdered. And they left behind a 4-year-old daughter, who, for quite a while, it looked like we were going to adopt. (It didn’t end up happening.) Plus a few other things I don’t want to get into.

BUT, now that my life has somewhat calmed down and there doesn’t seem to be any life-changing things on the horizon, I can finally get back to writing.

I hope you’ll all forgive me for the really long hiatus and not getting a chapter out when I said I would. I promise that I’ll do better at keeping you guys updated. I’m going to do my best at responding to the messages I can and getting back on track with original content here. If you have any questions or just want to rant to me, please feel free to message me.


AS IT IS. I’ll be updating Wednesday. I just need Tuesday to do a bit of editing and I should be good to go. I’ll get you a teaser in a few hours as well, just so you know this is actually happening. 

Iron Crown (III)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Jinyoung

Rating: R

Warning: Domestic abuse

Word Count: 6,071

Summary: As the Crown Princess of Vitus, your land has always been peaceful. When your power-hungry Uncle decides to stop paying the tithe though, things take a turn for the worse. The vampires who reside in the mountains are not happy and in retaliation - they set their sights on you.

Originally posted by wangmins

Keep reading

Mystic Messenger : Day 3 ~ V Walkthrough (FULL ANSWERS)

Thank you for your support, you were all so sweet to me <3

Contributor (THANK YOU SO MUCH): @verycharismaticdragon
Thank you for suggesting your help : @therosettewolf, @anasaraz

Check out their tumblr !

If you are on phone, please setting the page to be seen in the computer version! On the phone, the answers are sometimes unaligned and it can confuse you…

In order to not bother and annoy my followers who don’t play this game by this looong post, I’ll put a seperate line. Click to see.

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hi babes.

on wednesday night i had a couple of health scares that prompted me to go out of town to several different appointments all day thursday, and yesterday – friday – was spent taking blood tests and the like and way too much shit that i don’t want to get into, lol. basically this week was spent more in pain and a little bit of fear and panic, i won’t lie, so i wasn’t able to write as much as i wanted to. therefore, and i’m sure you all figured this out already, no chapter was uploaded friday.

i don’t get all of my test results back until wednesday, so for this weekend i’m going to try and keep my mind off everything worrying me and try to finish where i left off. i’m sorry i couldn’t deliver the chapter to you guys when i’d told you it might be up; sometimes life sucks, lol

i did try to write today (or, friday, it’s past midnight), but my head is not all here right now. still, those boys haven’t left me alone entirely, so some scenes have been written on my phone while out of town and whenever i felt the need to try and get away from reality for the moment. so there’s not many scenes left, but scenes are long in this fic, as you know, so there are several thousands of words. honestly, i promise you, i am going to try and push past the bad stuff this weekend to get this out to you asap – i’d really like to, anyway. real life is not somewhere i wanna station myself atm.

this is also why i have been in no contact w anyone via messenger or any other app. sorry, my head has not been in it at all this week. i love you all and i promise i’m going to get back to it. i just need to be either in the clear or just sure of things by wednesday and then maybe i’ll have more time to adapt to whatever situation’s being thrown at me.

today and tomorrow will hopefully be spent blasting music in my ears to drown out any thoughts that aren’t tmtts. i miss my boys, and trust me, i read your messages and your comments on the fic — i know you miss them, too. if i could just magically conjure up the rest of the fic in an hour for you guys, i would. i fucking love them so much. and i fucking love you guys so much.

trust me. it’s your support and your kindness that hasn’t allowed me to let this story go. were it nothing but petty entitlement — and i have encountered that in many other fandoms — i’d have probably shut it down already. but instead you guys are kind and patient and lovely, and that’s the kind of thing that keeps an author going and keeps an author wanting to give you more. so thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.

because of your patience and your love and support, here are certain things i can tell you about the chapter to hold you over until hopefully after this weekend. i’ve put them under a read more, in case you don’t want to spoil yourself until the chapter is posted!

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anonymous asked:

How about a blurb where harry shows his girlfriend how he edits/records a song etc? it could be cute/fluffy/smutty ??

I could hear the soft rumble of bass coming from the basement the moment I opened the front door which meant one thing.  Harry was downstairs in the studio.  Usually I avoided going down there when he was in creative mode.  I didn’t want to bother him or get in the way.  He always used to tell me how hard it was for him to get going on an idea so I didn’t want to take him out of the zone.

But today, today was different.  I had spent the morning arguing with my mother about living in Harry’s house even though we weren’t married.  She was a southern belle and you “just didn’t do that” where she came from.

The afternoon was a series of one meeting after another where the males in my company felt it necessary to speak to me as if I were stupid.

And somewhere in the middle was a lunch that I spilled on myself after the fork went through they styrofoam.

I needed comfort, closeness, familiarity.

I needed Harry.

Was it selfish?  To go downstairs and interrupt him just because I’d had a bad day?  It was.  I admit it.  But I just needed a few minutes of cuddling while he kissed my hair and held me close.  I promised myself I’d go right back upstairs and leave him alone.

I crept down the stairs as silently as possible, making my way to the door.  I heard the playback of a song he had probably just laid down the voice track for.  Perfect timing for me to get in and get out.

I knocked twice,

“Baby?”

“Come on in, Love.”  He said without hesitation.

Keep reading

I’ve been thinking about something for a little while, please bear with me while I try to explain. It’s going to sound like it’s all about me, but I promise it’s not.

When I was younger and playing video games, I never made characters that looked like myself. I realize now that these were my first OCs - exceptional women with bright red hair and blue eyes, who were strong and confident and represented everything that I thought I wasn’t. I didn’t like myself in those days - why would I want to play as myself?

When I first picked up Dragon Age: Inquisition on a whim and started playing, I created a girl who looks like me. To me, this represented the journey I’d come through - I loved myself, now, and wanted to play as myself.

Soon afterwards, I joined Tumblr, and after being here for a while I’ve started to pick up on something I find really strange - that self-insert characters are regarded as bad or somehow lesser than original OCs. I really don’t understand this.

Thanks for bearing with me through this ramble - all of this was to make it to this point:

Keep making your self-inserts. Keep playing as yourself. Loving yourself is never bad or wrong, and it’s good to see yourself as the hero of the story.

All’s Fair In Love And War

G: It’s not fair, Grace.

Grace: Life is not fair! Do you have any idea how worried we were? Any Idea what could happen to a young woman of your position?

You could have been beaten, or hung!

G: Please don’t cry. I promise I was perfectly safe.

Grace: I just can’t bring myself to understand why you want these thing, darling. 

I said nothing when you insisted on going hunting with your brothers, nor did I speak a word when you showed an interest in swordplay… 

…but entering competitions under a false name?

Dear Merlin, you were in trousers while a man twice your size came at you with a blade!

G: But I could have won, Grace! I–

Grace: But you didn’t.

If that barn hand’t caught on fire they would have discovered your true identity and then where would you be?

Grace: *deep sigh* Darling, I swore to your parents when I took you in that we would protect you.

We love you, you know that…. but maybe it’s time to leave the bravery and heroics to the boys and learn your place?

Covered in mud during battle is not where a young woman belongs.

Grace: Think about it, darling. *exits*

G: Well you know what they say…..

If you can’t beat them…

Godric: …Join them. 

5

it has been a while since last time i update my blog, this semester might be a little tough for me cuz my budget has been cut more than a half,which actually means i need to pay the tuition myself,also i need to save money for the fanbook’s cost,so i’m broke af,i promise i would finish the commissions i took if you guys still want it and wiling to wait,but it might took like more than a week cuz i still cant withdraw money from my paypal and i need cash fast,i apologize for it.

Forgive or Forget II

Forgive or Forget II
[Having lunch with an old friend│Simon D&Christian Yu]

◇ Forgive or Forget I

Christian remembered watching you as you left the party. The obvious hurt, etched on your face as you got into the car with Kiseok. He felt so helpless. It was pretty obvious to anyone with eyes what was happening, but Kiseok was still trying to cover his tracks. 

He couldn’t even pretend he was any better since it wasn’t like he didn’t have an ulterior motive. You were beautiful, fun, and he wished more than anything that he got your number that night…

It took you a few days to finally forgive Kiseok about his little antics at the event. But much like any other time, he charmed his way out of sleeping on the couch and back into your heart. You pouted as Kiseok clipped on a new charm onto your bracelet. “Don’t be mad Jagiya…” he nuzzled your cheek, lacing his fingers with yours. “You know you’re my girl right?” he whispered lowly in that voice you loved. 

“I know…” you groaned looking at the little star charm on your bracelet. “Why do you only ever give me a charm after we fight? It’s never on an anniversary or something.”

“Because” he pecked your jaw. “We have more fights than we have had anniversaries and I like to spoil my girl.” he grinned against your skin. “Do you like it?”

“Shut up” you groaned, trying to not smile at that smug grin of his. He ran his hand up your thigh, giving it a little squeeze but you swatted him away. “I’m still not ok. That girl….she wanted you.”

“And? Does that mean I want her? I can’t help what other people want. But I can help what I want.” he smiled, caressing our chin and giving you a little peck. “The only thing I ever want.” kiss. “My one and only.” kiss. “You got that?”

“Yeah….I know…But still, I don’t like it…I hate it…why’d you have to let her touch you like that…?” you sighed looking away, pulling back just slightly.

Keep reading

Locked Out // Byun Baekhyun {part one}

Requested: Nope, I just really needed to write something Baek-related lol

Pairing: Byun Baekhyun X Reader

Genre: College!AU, angst I guess?

Word Count: 7.2k (holy shit this is so long if you read it all I’ll marry you I promise)

Description: Hi, I’m Y/N, and I’m the Queen of Fucking Everything Up. Here I am, locked outside on a balcony with a dude I shared and awkward hook-up with once and I’d been avoiding ever since, while his ex-girlfriend cries her eyes out and I freeze my ass off in the September air. *Freeze frame* *record scratch* You’re probably wondering how I got myself into this situation, so here’s a timeline of how, in a few short months, I managed to royally fuck everything up.

A/N: Wow I actually have no idea what I was doing when I was writing this, but I kind of like it hahaha. Also, this part is written in first person which usually I hate writing in, but I thought it suited the style of the story more :) By the way I love Irene so much, she’s such a babe. Enjoy!

Part two: Here!

Originally posted by dearbyun


2nd February, 10:22am
Ah, February 2nd. I remember it as if it was only yesterday. It was rather warm for Winter, so my friends and I had bought lunch and decided to eat it down by the river. It was rare for all five of us to have a day free of college classes, so we wanted to make the most of it.

“I’m just going over here,” I mumbled, more to myself than anyone, grabbing my phone and heading towards the river’s edge. I’d spotted a single pink flower floating with the current peacefully, and being a photography major, I couldn’t miss the chance to capture this moment digitally.

“Don’t fall in!” A voice cried from behind me; I felt their large hands push against my back but they grabbed my elbows just before I toppled into the cold water below.

“Sehun!” I bellowed, trying to look as angry as possible when I turned around to face my immature friend. However, I couldn’t stop myself from grinning when I saw the bewildered look cross his face: it soon disappeared when he realised I wasn’t actually mad at him. “That was a close one, Y/N. You’ve got to be more careful,” Sehun joked.

“You’re an idiot,” I quipped back. “I don’t know how I put up with you.”

“You do it out of love,” Sehun replied. You see, Sehun and I had been friends for as long as either of us could remember. Born just ten days apart (he was older and always gave me shit for it), we’d become instant best friends. We stuck with each other throughout middle school and high school, and now we were roommates in college (don’t ask me why I agreed to room with Sehun, he never washes the dishes. Ever.)

“You two, stop flirting and come join us for a selfie,” Baekhyun called out.

“We’re not flirting,” Sehun and I groaned in unision, earning chuckles from Baekhyun and the two other boys, Chanyeol and Suho. “Yeah, my mum wants a picture of my friends to prove I don’t hang out with pot-heads and alcoholics,” Chanyeol added, getting his phone into optimum selfie-position.

“I’m pretty sure Y/N is a drug dealer in between her studies,” Suho laughed as Sehun and I joined them, gaining a playful glare from me.

It’s funny to think that I originally wanted nothing to do with Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Suho. Sehun had befriended the three in one of his music lectures, and when I first met them I believed they were nothing more than rowdy, immature womanisers. With a lot of convincing from Sehun (boy would not shut up about it), I managed to give the boys a chance and am now proud (albeit embarrassed at times) to call them my close friends. In fact, I’m pretty sure Baekhyun and I have a thing now. Don’t quote me, but he’s developed a habit of being really touchy-feely with me recently, but we’re not dating. I didn’t have many girl friends at all - I didn’t need them. It’s hard enough to focus on college, my part-time job, and socialising as it is, I don’t need the added factor of girl drama.

As we all gathered around Chanyeol, I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket, followed shortly by a loud ‘ding’. After we managed to take a couple of nice pictures together without much incident (ignoring the fact Baekhyun screamed “SUHO YOU’RE STANDING ON MY FOOT!” and Sehun hit my stomach because I was “covering his beautiful face” with my “man shoulders”), I pulled out my own phone and read the text.

“Sehun, looks like we have interest in our spare room!” I exclaimed, showing the text to the blond.

’Hi, Y/N, my name is Irene Bae and I saw you were looking for a roommate for your apartment? I’m interested! I’m at the café near the university right now and I’d be happy to chat with you’,” Sehun read out loud before adding, “she’s there now?”

“I guess,” I replied, quickly texting Irene back.

“Are you guys leaving now?” Suho questioned, the obvious disappointment on his face matching that of Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s too.

“I guess so. Come on, Y/N, if we hurry we can catch the train and get there a bit earlier,” Sehun said, grabbing my hand and tugging me away from our friends.

“We’ll catch up with you later, I promise!” I shouted back to the three. And as I turned back around, I swear I caught Baekhyun wink at me.


2nd February, 10:37am

I quickly brushed a hand through my windswept hair as Sehun and I entered the quiet, cosy café. I scanned the shop, smiling when I made eye contact with a couple of people from my lectures. “Where do you think she is?” Sehun muttered, urging me forward towards the register attendant.

“Not sure. I might go have a look around and see if I can find her,” I replied, breaking away from Sehun to sweep the café with my eyes. Sehun nodded and waited to order our usual drinks while I shimmied past crowded tables towards the back of the building where I knew it was less populated. And there, sitting at an empty booth facing away from me, sipping a cup of coffee, was a girl. I knew it was her instantly - I would have definitely noticed a girl with bright bubblegum pink hair like hers before. She had headphones in and was nodding her head ever so slightly, completely absorbed in her own world.

I gulped loudly and built up the courage to go up and talk to her. She noticed me and pulled out her headphones quickly, flashing me a dazzling smile.

“You must be Y/N? I’m Irene. Take a seat.” The girl gestured to the seat opposite her and I sidled in, trying to act as at ease as Irene was. She gave me another wicked smile and asked whether I wanted to order anything; I explained Sehun was already doing that.

I suddenly felt very underdressed in my heavy sweater compared to Irene, you know, as if she was Cinderella and I was one of the ugly step sisters. Every time Irene moved, the glint from the fluorescent lights reflected off her dark blue contacts. It was really distracting.

“You’re very pretty, Y/N,” Irene commented. As she spoke, I realised I’d barely said a word to her, choosing to stare instead - but it seemed Irene had been doing the same thing.

“Thanks. I like your hair. It’s very…interesting,” I replied, causing Irene to laugh. And as I sat there listening to the melodic, high pitched sound, I felt all my worries disappear. Irene explained how she’d actually been dared to dye her hair, and I realised Irene seemed lovely and I would have no problems having her as a roommate.

“Oh hey, you must be Irene,” Sehun said, squeezing in beside me and passing my hot chocolate over. “It’s really nice to meet you.”

“You too!” Irene replied. “Seoul really is a beautiful city.”

“You’re not from around here?” I questioned, sipping at the scalding drink in front of me.

“No, I’m from Daegu actually,” said Irene. As Sehun and I listened to her tell hilarious stories from her childhood, I barely noticed time passing. In fact, it was as if time had stopped completely - we’d been let into Irene’s own little world and nothing but us three mattered. She really was a captivating person. Sehun and I asked Irene all the basic questioned you’d ask any potential housemate, and we told her we’d contact her  soon - though it was clear we’d both made our minds up already.

“She’s so lovely!” I gushed the minute we left the café. “She’s the best candidate we’ve seen, Se.”

“I agree,” Sehun said before playfully pushing my shoulder. “If she moves in, maybe you’ll finally have a friend of your own - a girl nonetheless!”


9th March:

“I’m pretty sure this is the last one,” I exclaimed, placing one of Irene’s heavier boxes on the floor in her new room. Irene poked her head over the side of her bed and flashed her signature smile at me. “You’re the best, Y/N. Seriously, your help is much appreciated,” she replied.

“No problem.” I stood there for a moment,  watching my new roommate pull out handfuls of books from one of her boxes and slam them down on her desk. I turned to the door and said over my shoulder, “I’ll leave you to it then.”

“Wait, Y/N. Come and keep me company. Unpacking boxes can get super boring by myself,” Irene whined, looking up at me with large, innocent eyes. “And once I’m done here, maybe we could paint each others nails?” After seeing the sceptical look on my face she added, “you know, girly things.”

“Girly things…” I repeated slowly.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to! I just thought it would be nice to get to spend some time together, just us two, since you Sehun have been so nice in showing me around Seoul. But we don’t have to if you don’t want too.”

I was starting to realise already that Irene had a way to get people to do what she wanted them to do, and I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not. However, I did think it would be nice to get to know Irene more.

“No, it sounds nice! It’s just, I’ve never really had friends who were girls before. I don’t even have any sisters,” I admitted, joining my roommate on the floor.

“That’s a shame, Y/N,” Irene replied, grabbing a bottle of baby pink nail polish. “Because girls are really fun. If you ever have boy troubles or friend drama or just want to talk, I’m here.” The smile Irene gave me was so genuine, and I knew I’d just made a very crucial friend.

I could feel Irene’s endless smile directed at me as I careful painted her fingernails. I was talking about nothing really - my family, my university major, life in Seoul. And Irene listened to every word I said. It was weird. I’d barely known Irene a month but it felt as if we had been friends since time began. There was no awkwardness between us, oddly enough, and I suddenly realised what I’d been missing by only having guy friends.

“Irene, looks like you forgot one box,” Sehun stated, poking his head into Irene’s room and grinned when he saw us lounging on the floor.

“Excuse you, I was just in the middle of educating Irene which boys to stay away from and which would be more than happy to ‘help her study’, if you know what I mean,” I winked back, eliciting a groan from Sehun.

“You’re impossible, Y/N. I’ll go get that box for you,” he called, backing away from the room. Once he was out of earshot, Irene turned to me and said, “you two are a cute couple.”

At first I thought I’d misheard her, so I asked Irene to repeat what she said. She did, and when I was sure she thought Sehun and I were dating, I couldn’t help the laughter bubbling out. As I rolled around on the carpet, clutching my stomach, Irene simply gave me a confused smile. “Did I say something?” You’re not having a seizure, are you?”

Her comment only made me laugh harder, and it took me a good minute to regain my composure. “We’re not…Sehun and I aren’t dating,” I managed to say through giggles.

“You’re not? Ah, that’s so embarrassing!” Irene cried, burying her face into the soft pillow beside her to stifle her own laughter.

“Wheeew, I can’t breathe,” I gasped just as Sehun returned with Irene’s box. Seeing his face, and the utter idea of Sehun and I dating set me off into another fit.

“Y/N’s broken, she won’t stop laughing!” Irene shrieked, hitting me repeatedly with the pillow and soon collapsing beside me. My ribs ached, cheeks stung, and I was gasping like a fish, but it was an amazing feeling. I’d never laughed so hard in my life - I didn’t want this moment to end.


18th April:

Irene ran a hand over her velvet skirt, smoothing it down for the hundredth time in the past minute. “Seriously, Ren, you’re going to ruin the material on your skirt if you keep rubbing it,” I stated, grabbing Irene’s hand and pulling it away from her clothes.

“I know, I know,” she sighed, giving me a half-hearted smile. “I’m just nervous.” I turned from my place on the bench to face her. We were waiting at the local bowling alley and Irene had been worried about this moment for the whole day. Sehun had suggested that we introduce Irene to Suho, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun, considering they basically lived at our apartment anyway.

“Nervous? Why?” I chuckled.

“You just talk about your friends all the time; they seem so cool.”

“Trust me,” I snorted loudly. “They are definitely not cool.”

And as if they’d heard me insult them, the three boys, along with Sehun, sauntered into the bowling alley. “Who’s the one on the left, Y/N?” Irene whispered furiously to me, brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face.

“Uh, that’s Baekhyun. Why?” I replied, waving at my friends.

“Because he’s beautiful,” Irene gushed, clasping a hand over her mouth. The boys approached us and introduced themselves to Irene, and I suddenly felt rather queasy at the idea of her possibly having a crush on my friend, but I managed to ignore it.

“Okay, let’s get this game started then!” Chanyeol exclaimed, eliciting cheers from the rest of us. Suho went first, and to our utmost surprise he got a strike on his very first go. Baekhyun joked about leaving now since Suho had clearly won already, and then it was Sehun’ s turn. He released the bowling ball with such force, but still managed to get a gutterball. Twice.

We all booed at him as he sat down, an embarrassed smile covering his face. I knocked down a cool seven pins (I’d never been that great at ten-pin bowling anyway). Baekhyun got the same as me, and Chanyeol managed to knock down nine. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves - until Irene stood up to take her turn.

The first ball she bowled zoomed straight into the gutter so she turned around to face the boys. “I’m not very good at this, would someone be kind enough to help me?” She toyed her bottom lip with her teeth and batted her eyelids, shutting the boys up instantly, their joking insults towards each other style of bowling fading into nothing.

I narrowed my eyes at Irene suspiciously, trying to work out exactly what she was up to. Irene and I had been to this exact bowling alley a few weeks ago, and I remember I was groaning 95% of the time because Irene kept getting strikes. If she was so good at this, why was she pretending she wasn’t?

The boys shared a look quickly, silently deciding who would be the lucky one (A/N: wow that unintentional pun) to help Irene before Baekhyun stood up, wiping his palms on his jeans. I wasn’t all that surprised Baekhyun had been appointed the task by the boys’ silent jury - he’d sworn off dating after a bad breakup awhile ago, and I guess his friends just wanted him to get back out there again.

Irene giggled as Baekhyun stood behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and swung her arm backwards to bowl. Team Baekrene got a strike. Of course they did. Baekhyun gave me a small smile as he walked back to his seat, while Irene leaned into me as she sat back down, whispering something about how strong Baekhyun apparently was.

And it continued like this - Baekhyun would pull Irene close to him, helping her bowl even though she did not need his help at all, and Baekhyun would glance in my direction after he had, confusing and frustrating me at the same time.

“They make such a good couple,” Sehun commented to me, watching our friends basically feeling each other up adoringly.

“Yeah, they sure do,” I grumbled sarcastically. Sehun gave me a look of surprise before chuckling. “No way. No damn way. Y/N is jealous? Of Irene?”

“I’m not jealous!” I hissed back, but it was clear to both Sehun and I that I was blatantly lying. The truth was, I could feel my insides bubbling with envy every time Baekhyun flashed his bright smile at Irene, and I felt myself gagging when she giggled like an immature schoolgirl in response. Maybe I felt this way because Baekhyun was undoubtedly an incredibly beautiful human, no one could argue against that. Maybe it was because Irene had literally been in Seoul for two months and was getting more male attention than I had in my whole 22 years of living in Seoul. Or maybe it was because I’ d never had a proper boyfriend before despite my best efforts, and Baekhyun was the only boy who’d ever really showed me any attention (he had a way of making me feel so special even though we weren’t dating). Maybe it was because Baekhyun’s flirting was the closest thing I’d had to a boyfriend, and yet all Irene had to do was bat her eyelids and Baekhyun was drooling all over her. Who knows.

I tried my best to focus on the game at hand, but trust me, it was very hard with Baekhyun and Irene so obviously flirting right beside me. That was Baekhyun and I’s thing (although we were never that conspicuous about it). Despite this, everyone else seemed to be having a good time - Suho was crowned Ten Pin Bowling King, while Irene and Baekhyun not-so-discernibly swapped numbers. Everyone left with smiles on their faces - which is all I cared about. No matter the reason behind those smiles.


13th May, 3:17PM:

“Y/N, have you been on Irene’s Facebook recently?” Sehun called as I entered our apartment; he was curled up under a blanket on the couch and was stuffing his face with buttery popcorn.

“You’re an animal,” I laughed, dropping my bag and jumping next to him on the couch. The Hangover was playing quietly on the television, although Sehun wasn’t paying it any attention. “Why, should I have been checking her Facebook?”

Sehun shifted and thrust his phone in my face, watching me expectantly. I had to steady his swaying hand to see that he had Irene’s Facebook open to one of her more recent statuses, posted yesterday evening.

‘He asked me out, I said yes! #feelingblessed #luckiestgirlalive #cutestcoupleever,’ the status read. Attached below it was a photo of the new couple;  Baekhyun’s lips were on Irene’s cheek, her eyes were scrunched up, and she had an adorable smile on her face. It was true, they were the cutest couple ever.

I felt a feeling stir inside me, an emotion that I couldn’t even begin to describe at the time but that, in hindsight, should have been a big warning sign for me to keep my distance. But I couldn’t see that at the time - all I could see was my two best friends being all lovey-dovey cute together. It was gross.

“Holy, look how many likes it’s got!” Sehun exclaimed, his eyes bulging out at the nearly 700 figure. “I’m not surprised,” I replied lowly. “Irene’s become so popular recently.” Sehun simply chuckled. “It’s not all bad: we’ve also become a lot popular too.”

It was true. Irene may have gained lots of friends, but I doubted she would ever want to replace Sehun and I as her best friends. She would often invite us out to all these different events with her new friends (most of whom were girls, which was awesome for me because I gained a lot more female friends). As well as meeting tons of new people (including two charismatic boys named Bambam and Taeyong who often studied with me at the library), my popularity had risen to extraordinary levels. I suddenly found myself being invited to all sorts of parties I’d never been able to even dream of attending before, and I had my own group of friends now that didn’t consist totally of Sehun’s friends. He was right; Irene’s sudden popularity wasn’t all bad.

Sehun and I had just settled down enough to focus on the movie playing when the front door clicked open and laughter poured into our apartment.

“-reaction was absolutely hilarious!” An unfamiliar voice roared, so I peered over Sehun’s shoulder and saw the voice belonged to one of Irene’s many friends. She was very pretty, and I recognised her from around university. I could tell her and Irene were close. I think her name was Willow? Or maybe it was Wanda? I forget some times.

“I know right! It was to die for. Thanks for the ride home, Wendy!” Irene said, hugging her friend before shutting the front door.

Ah, Wendy.

“Hey guys!” Irene greeted, although she barely looked our way before sauntering down the hallway to her room. I glanced at Sehun who shrugged, turning his attention back to the TV.


13th May, 4:56PM:

“Anyone home?” I questioned, banging my knuckles on Irene’s door loudly, causing the ajar door to swing open with a creak. Our movie had finished and we had expected Irene would have come out to tell us about her exciting news by now - but she hadn’t. So Sehun and I decided to investigate ourselves.

“Come in~” Irene sang out in response. She was spread out on her bed but repositioned herself so she was now sitting crosslegged. She was tapping away furiously at her phone, undoubtedly texting one of her close friends, and she was unable to stop a wide smile from covering her face.

“So…when were you going to tell us you and Baekhyun were dating?” Sehun asked excitedly, waving his phone in her face much like he had done with me. Her smile suddenly faded upon hearing Sehun’s question, which caught me off guard.

“Were you even going to tell us at all?” I gestured to the date the status had been posted; over 24 hours ago.

“Well, I mean yeah, eventually, but…” Irene started, but soon trailed off. She stared at us both before giving me a sympathetic smile. “But not straight away.”

“Not straight away?” Sehun repeated, furrowing his brows in confusion.

“Well, I probably would have told you, Sehun. But I might not have told Y/N straight away,” Irene stated bluntly. I stared at her in shock, and I’m pretty sure my jaw hit the floor. What did she mean by that? Weren’t we supposed to be best friends?

Irene must have noticed the upset look on my face because she quickly added, “only because I know how close you are to Baekhyun, and I didn’t want you to feel like I was stealing him away from you or anything.” Irene glanced down at her bedsheet sheepishly, and I could tell she was being honest but it still didn’t lessen the pain and embarrassment I felt.

And my deep blush must have gave me away because Sehun patted my hand and rushed on, “well, I know both Y/N and I are extremely happy for you two.” Irene smiled brightly and uttered her thanks, so Sehun continued. “By the way, don’t forget we’re going to the baseball game on Saturday night!”

I wasn’t a major sports fanatic, but Sehun had managed to score a few free tickets and thought it would be fun for the three of us to go together. “Oh, um, I can’t sorry,” Irene mumbled. Suddenly, her phone was very interesting to her again.

“You…can’t?” Sehun shot me a brief look that seemed to say ‘is this girl serious’, before turning his attention to our uncomfortable roommate. “Yeah, sorry. I think Nayeon is having a party that night. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.” Irene was doing an awful lot of apologising and had suddenly become the queen of avoiding eye contact.

“Oh, that’s okay then,” Sehun claimed, but I could tell he was hurt, if only slightly. Anyone could - his voice was barely above a whisper. “I think I have something to do now,” he added, retreating from the room and heading back to the lounge.

“Look, Y/N, I’m really sorry that I can’t come to the game with you guys anymore, but you need to understand we spend so much time together anyway!” Irene said, looking up and finally meeting my harsh gaze. She was apologising, but there was no hint of remorse in her eyes. She knew how much this game meant to Sehun, and she didn’t even care.

“Yeah, I know,” I replied sarcastically. “That’s what best friends do, generally.”


15th June:

I have no idea why I agreed to this. Absolutely no clue. You see, Irene invited me out for brunch with her at this cute little restaurant in the middle of Seoul; but conveniently forgot to tell me that it was actually a double date and she’d organised one of her friends to be my date.

So here I was, on a double date with Irene, Baekhyun, and some guy named Lee Jooheon. Jooheon seemed nice enough (and he was pretty attractive too), but I was so furious Irene had tricked me into going on this stupid double date that I couldn’t focus on anything he was saying.

“So yeah, as I was saying, Y/N hasn’t really had a boyfriend before, so you’d be her first!” Irene gushed, causing a hot blush to form on my face. I’d only been here for ten minutes and already I wished I could melt into the seat and never show my face anywhere ever again. However, I couldn’t do that.

“I don’t think he really needs to know that, Irene,” I hissed.

“Nonsense!” Irene laughed loudly, the sort of obnoxious sound a group of middle aged women would make when one of them tells a really terrible joke. I grumbled under my breath and noticed Baekhyun was watching me. He had a small smirk on his face and winked when I looked up. We sat across from each other in our little booth and this was definitely not the first time I’d caught him staring at me.

In fact, he managed to maintain eye contact even when Irene pressed herself up against him and placed a lazy kiss on his cheek. Every time Irene said something embarrassing about me, Baekhyun would nudge my foot with his own under the table and give me a small smile. At least someone else realised that what Irene was doing was humiliating.

“If you’ll excuse me, I just have to use the bathroom quickly,” Jooheon said, giving me a small smirk before escaping to the toilets. “Ah, I’ll go pay for the bill,” Baekhyun added, following Jooheon’s actions by giving us a small grin before departing. Irene gave him a big smile in response, but it quickly disappeared once he was out of earshot.

Leaning closer to me across the table, Irene growled, “do you think I’m stupid, Y/N?” She was so close to me that I could feel her breath hot on my cheek, and I pulled back quickly. “W-what? Why do you say that?”

“Do you think I don’t see the way you look at Baekhyun? The way you’ve been oogling at him this whole time? I’ve tried to set you up with a lovely guy, but you can’t keep your eyes off my boyfriend. I knew you were a threat, Y/N. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll back off.”

I could feel hot tears pricking at my eyes and I blinked rapidly, started at how cruel my supposed “best friend” was being. I desperately wanted to defend myself, but the lump in my throat made that near impossible. I could only hold Irene’s glare as her glossy lips curled up into a smirk.

“Glad we’re on the same page,” she whispered, just as both boys returned.

“Sweet, everything is paid for,” Baekhyun smiled. He glanced between Irene and I and rushed to add, “is everything alright?”

“Yeah, Baekhyunnie. Nothing’s wrong.”


26th July:

Ah yes. Possibly the absolute worst day of my life. Well, more like the day my perfect life crumbled and shit hit the fan.

Jooheon and I had swapped numbers after our nightmare of a double date, and we’d stayed in contact even though I explained I wasn’t interested in dating him (he was so sweet about it too, bless!). The other day, Jooheon had invited Irene and I to a party his friend Wonho was hosting. But since Irene hadn’t really talked to me since she accused me of trying to steal her boyfriend, I didn’t tell her about our invitation (I figured she would find out about the party eventually away), and took Sehun with me instead.

Everything seemed to be going fine; Irene turned up with Baekhyun as I had predicted would happen. It was only as the night progressed that I started to experience a harrowing, constant feeling in my chest. It was hard to describe what it was or pinpoint why I was suddenly feeling this way, but I instantly knew something hugely terrible was going to happen. Ironically, I think I felt this way because of how untroubled everyone else was.

Alcohol was definitely, 100% flowing at this party. Every room I entered held a least one large group of drunk friends, laughing and yelling louder than I would have considered acceptable in my own apartment. I guess this Wonho guy was a lot more lenient than I was. Or he just didn’t give a shit.

Now, I’d never been much of a drinker (the agonizing hangovers then next morning were more than enough to stop me drinking too much, usually) but tonight was different. Maybe I drunk to try to sooth the pain in my chest, or to lessen the effect the howling screams of drunkards had on my newly formed headache.

“I’m just going to go…somewhere,” I slurred, hitting Sehun hard on his back.

“Make good choices!” Sehun grinned as he turned to face me.

Oh, the irony!

I gulped back another cup of alcohol (I’m not too sure what it actually was, it tasted like vodka mixed with something else but I couldn’t be too sure what. By this time I didn’t really care what was in it anyway - I was far too wasted to be wary about such a small thing) and stumbled into the closest room: a second lounge.

Music was blasting from the stereo in the corner, and there was a group of rowdy younger boys surrounding a pool table. I started heading in their direction for god knows why, but someone intercepted me first.

“Y/N, just the girl I wanted to see!” Baekhyun cheered, giving me an adorable lopsided smile.

“You wanted to see me?” I replied, giving Baekhyun a sceptical look. “Where’s Irene?”

He suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the lounge and down the hall. The unexpected skin-to-skin contact sent a rogue shiver down my spine and I tried to pull my hand away instinctively - Baekhyun’s vice-like grip prevented us from breaking contact.

“She’s passed out on a couch in some place or another. Girl cannot handle her alcohol,” Baekhyun chucked, throwing open the door of a bedroom and scowling when he found it was occupied already.

“Out,” he instructed, grip still firm on my hand, and the couple sucking each other’s faces off scurried out of the room as fast as their drunken bodies could manage. I couldn’t stop a gasp from escaping my lips when Baekhyun closed the door and slammed my body against it.

“What the hell?” I managed to puff, but my words faded into nothing when I noticed how close Baekhyun’s face was to mine. He was probably only a foot taller, but he seemed to tower over me as I shrunk back into the door. I was totally wasted, but I could still make out the different tones of brown in his irises that I’d never noticed before.

“I need you, Y/N,” Baekhyun confessed, his voice low and raspy. His breath was hot on my cheek, and I could smell the reeking stench of alcohol on it. Baekhyun was drunk too, but nowhere near as tipsy as myself.

“But you have Irene,” I mumbled, and I was sure he wouldn’t even be able to hear me. To be honest, I was surprised at how I managed to resist jumping his bones right there and then.

“I have Irene, but I want you.”

I managed to take one last peek at Baekhyun’s eyes before his lips crashed onto mine: his usually soft, warm eyes had completely darkened and he looked like a hungry predator eying up its prey.

After a minute of desperate kisses, Bakehyun suggested we go somewhere more private, so that’s what we did. He suggested that, since he wasn’t really allowed to be seen making out with a girl other than his girlfriend, I pretend I was too sick to stay at the party and he would say he suddenly remembered an assignment he had due tomorrow. And that’s how we managed our great escape.

I learned two things that night; the first was that lust is a crazy, bubbling cauldron of desire and need, and once you get a taste of it, it courses through your veins and takes control of every inch of your body - from your legs to your fingertips to your tongue and even your mind. It’s wanting what you can’t have, what you shouldn’t have, what you know is absolutely and utterly wrong to take, but being completely unable to stop yourself from taking it regardless.

The second thing I learned that night was that Irene was right: I was a real threat to her relationship.


31st July:

Okay, I lied. When I said July 26th was the worst day in my whole existence, I was lying.

Today was the day everything went downhill. I guess you could say I was standing on the top of a really tall building, creeping closer and closer to the edge: July 26th was what caused me to fall off the very tall building, the 31st is what I experienced just before I hit the ground.

July 31st started out like any other day. It was the middle of summer, and I remember thinking it would be nice if my apartment had a pool. I’d been very good at keeping Baekhyun and I’s one night stand a secret, and I’d made Bakehyun promise he would never tell a soul, especially Irene, for obvious reasons.

In fact, I’d even seen the two together in the wake of our hookup: they looked as happy as could be and as much as it pained me to see them being all cute together, it was so much better than having Irene find out what had happened.

That day I had both my courses (a photography course and an English language course) which meant I had to walk almost literally from one side of campus to the other. Usually I didn’t have a problem with this (it’s a hassle, that’s all) but today seemed different.

I noticed that whenever I glanced in boys’ directions they would stare back with a glint of hunger in their eyes, and when I made eye contact with a group of girls they all glared daggers at me. Synchronised scowling. If I hadn’t been feeling so self conscious, I probably would have laughed.

It was only when I walked past the girls that I realised why they felt so compelled to stare: “See, that’s the girl who slept with Irene’s boyfriend,” one of the girls stated, pointing straight at me. I recognised her as one of Irene’s friends but I didn’t know her name. “She’s not even that pretty,” another girl added as I rushed past them.

At first I thought I was hallucinating. There was no way anyone knew about Baekhyun and I, right?

I was wrong. I managed to make it to my English class without anymore trouble, albeit the usual stares. I was just settling into my normal seat when two boys in front of me turned around. I recognised them as Vernon and Seungkwan - I was on good terms with the both of them as I often let them copy my answers.

“So, Y/N, is it true that you had sex with Baekhyun?” Seungkwan blurted out.

“You can’t just ask that, Seungkwan!” Vernon chuckled, but still looked at me expectantly.

“Oh, I am terribly sorry. Y/N, oh kind, wise, answer-sharing Y/N, is it true that you may have had sexual relations with the handsome Byun Baekhyun?” Seungkwan said in a posh voice. By now, a lot of the class was looking at us. My heart dropped.

“It’s not true,” I uttered, just loud enough for the two boys to hear.

“It’s what?” Vernon questioned, leaning closer.

“I-I need to go.” I packed my bag quickly and left the class as fast as I possibly could - there was no way I was staying in there to play a whole hour of Twenty Questions.

As I was heading home, I felt a mix of emotions. It was hard to pinpoint just one. I felt confused because I had no idea how everyone had found out, but at the same time I felt absolutely devastated because I knew exactly who had told them (it certainly wasn’t me, I hadn’t even told Sehun), and then I felt a wave of sadness that Baekhyun, someone who up until recently I considered a good friend, could share something so intimate.

When I got home, all I wanted to do was crawl up into my bed and sleep the remainder of the day away, but that’s not what happened. The door to our apartment was wide open and boxes sat outside it innocently - I could instantly tell that something was wrong.

“Y/N, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on,” Sehun stated when I walked into the living room. “I had literally just got home when all this started. She screamed at me for conspiring with and defending you?” He gestured to Irene’s room where the loud clatter of miscellaneous items landing on each other were coming from.

I stood near the doorway, the threat of having something thrown at me stopped me venturing further. Irene was angrily grabbing items off her desk, wall, and from her wardrobe, shoving them into cardboard boxes.

As if sensing my presence, Irene stopped her movements and snapped her head up, glaring right into my soul. She stood up and headed towards me with fire in her eyes, and I genuinely feared for my life. Stopping close to me, Irene stated, “You’re a bitch,” before slamming the door in my face.

“Y/N, what the hell was that about?” Sehun questioned when I remerged from the hallway. “ Are you okay?” The worried expression on Sehun’s features told me that he really did care about whether I was okay or not, but shame stopped me from confessing the sin I had committed. I really wanted to, but I just couldn’t.

“Yeah, Se. Nothing’s wrong.”


2nd August:

Remember when I said this past week was like I’d been pushed off a really tall building? Well, I finally hit the ground.

I spent most of the day at this cute little reserve near my apartment where I knew it was unlikely I would run into anyone I recognised. It seems that all I do now: run. Run away from my responsibilities. Run from my problems.

I was supposed to be meeting Suho and Chanyeol right now for lunch, but I couldn’t bear to face them. No doubt they would be bombarding my phone, which I’d left at home, but I was certain their texts would get lost among the numerous other notifications I had.

You see, a few days ago, people would tell me face to face what they thought about Baekhyun and I - which wasn’t the nicest feeling but I could handle it - but now they’d turned to social media to humiliate me, to call me degrading names where all my friends and family could see. So that’s why I was skipping lunch with Chanyeol and Suho, and ditching my classes for the day - I needed time away from it all, to think about how everything had gone oh so terribly wrong. I had no doubt my phone was buzzing away with hate - I seemed to be more popular now than I was before all this happened.

It was late afternoon when I finally decided to head back home. I was feeling just slightly more positive now that I’d thought about my situation and managed to come up with a mental game plan for my next moves.

That was, until I spotted a small van driving way from our apartment. Painted on the side in bright red letters were the words ‘Seoul Movers’. I bounded to the apartment, taking the stairs two at a time, and found a sombre looking Sehun starting at the blank television screen.

“Sehun?” I asked quietly, sliding up to the couch and staring at my friend.

“Irene’s gone. She moved out,” he monotonely replied. I knew this was going to happen; Irene packing boxes a few days ago and the moving truck were a dead give away, but I’d held on with false hope that Irene and I would be able to talk this situation out. Instead, Irene wouldn’t even make eye contact with me, let alone talk to me.

The last of the peaceful feeling I’d managed to hold onto from earlier today drained from my body completely and the reality of my situation fully hit me. Because of my stupid, stupid mistake, I’d managed to ruin a good relationship, my reputation, and I’d lost my best friend.

And as for Baekhyun, I didn’t even know where to start. I was so incredibly mad at him but it was still nowhere near as close to matching the anger I felt towards myself.

“Hey hey hey,” Sehun cooed, noticing the silent tears that were creeping down my cheeks. He stood up and wrapped me in his warm embrace. “It’s okay, silly.”

“No, it’s not. I’ve fucked everything up. I’m such a failure,” I wailed, burying my face into Sehun’s fluffy sweater. He didn’t say anything else, instead he hugged me tighter which I believe reassured me more than anything that he could have said would have.

We stood there for what felt like an eternity, and in that moment I realised I’d never felt more thankful for a single person that I did just then.


yay we can get married now ily all

it’s okay, that’s love 03

Originally posted by gotmeolk

➾ water polo player!jimin x psychiatrist!reader
ft ot7
➾ warnings: mentions of blood, mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, ocd, split personality disorder etc), self harm, angst, fluff, smut
➾ word count: 8.6k
➾ please read part one and two first if you haven’t!

01 | 02 | 03 

➾ disclaimer: this is purely a work of fiction and i do not claim to be a qualified mental health professional. this work is not intended to provide any medical advice of any sort, please consult a licensed physician instead.

➾ chapter summary: in the midst of everything, you learn to let others take care of you for a change. 

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when I met ezra the other day i literally felt so awestruck. like in my head i told myself it was no big deal and i just wanted to say hello and thank him for all the happiness he’s brought into my life, but then it turned into a 15 minute convo about how we both came out as queer. i dont want to get too into detail about it because he told me some things his team and manager told him in private so i dont want to share it if he hasnt already?? anyways we hugged twice and the second one was so long, like 4 minutes into it i patted his back to pull away and he hugged me closer and said “im not letting you get away again!” and sighed into my back and some people behind us were like “awwwww” and basically hes a very warm, very magical person who will talk to you like youre the only one in existence and he was stroking my arms very comfortingly and kept asking me if i was okay and then he said “promise me that you’re doing okay” cause i shared this thing about coming out and he was so worried at first it was so sweet and my friend has all the pics but i might keep them to myself for a while cause they make me so happy. Btw this all happened monday and its thursday now which means i have been running off adrenaline for 4 days just from meeting him

i should have left you the moment i saw you smile.

or, that’s what i tell myself. i tell myself that your smile wasn’t the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, but the opposite. it was the thing that ruined my life. the thing that took my happiness, pulled it from its core, and never gave it back. the thing that destroyed my heart in every way.

am i being too dramatic? sorry.

in all honesty, i did this to myself. i let you in, showed you where my happiness hid, told you what scared me, allowed your lips to wander my skin and show me love that you never really felt for me. maybe you were in love with the idea of me; the idea of loving someone so imperfect. maybe you love trying to fix people, but i was too far gone, wasn’t i? so you decided it wasn’t worth it - scratch that, i wasn’t worth it.

you were so unexpected, but i thought you were so right. i thought we were supposed to have that one love story where you come into the sad part of my life just to show me what real happiness was like. to show me what it felt like to really smile about something, to show me how it felt to brush my lips against someone else’s. to feel my heart speed up at the sound of someone else’s laugh.

i hope i put on a good enough show for you.

but the thing is, it wasn’t a show for me. i refrained from allowing myself to love you because life had been cruel to me before, and i wondered, how was life going to dig its talons into my skin this time? except after a few months, i gave myself to you. i gently slid my heart into your hands, begged you to keep it safe, and trusted you with my last breath. you looked at me with your ocean eyes, a smile on your face, and you promised.

that’s the most fucked up thing. you promised you would keep it safely tucked away, next to your own heart. somehow, you managed to keep yours safe while simultaneously shattering mine. what you gave back to me at the end of the day was something that resembled a puzzle piece. it was missing its parts to become whole, and you told me you lost them. and you were sorry.

you weren’t really sorry, were you? instead, you kept my pieces hidden with you, somewhere i was never really allowed. and now you have me completely blocked out, except you’re still carrying those pieces of me with you, everywhere you go.

what i’m trying to say, is that i’m not sorry we ended, i’m sorry that you had to destroy me in the process. and i wish i could take myself back from you.

—  8:44 pm thoughts / a letter to my ex