been promising myself for a while

8

[ playlist ]
bap + pastel

Whoops my fingers slipped haha this was cathartic

sorry if this is bad I wrote it in like 30 minutes

~

Tony,

I’m glad you’re back at the compound, I don’t like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. I’ve been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere – even in the Army. My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. And I’m happy to say for the most part, they haven’t let me down. Which is why I can’t let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but – maybe they shouldn’t. I know I hurt you Tony. I guess I thought – by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but… I can see now I was really sparing myself. I’m sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you were only doing what you believe in, and that’s all any of us can do, it’s all any of us should. So no matter what, I promise if you — if you need us. If you need me, I’ll be there.

Tony frowned, looking down at the phone that was sitting on his desk.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, staring at the offending object, but it must’ve been a while, because suddenly Rhodey was rolling up behind him in his chair, returning from PT.

“Hey,” Rhodey said, stopping by the desk and nodding towards the box that had been tossed aside once opened. “What was in there?”

“A letter,” Tony said, smiling humorlessly. “From Steve. And a burner phone.”

“That so?” Rhodey asked, body going rigid with fury, glaring at the letter in Tony’s hand. “What did he have to say?”

“Says that… he’s sorry he didn’t tell me about my parents… that the Avengers are my family… that he’s sorry we couldn’t agree on the Accords…. He also says that if I ever need him for anything, I can use this,” Tony help up the burner phone by the edges, careful not to touch it with more than just his thumb and index finger, “to call him and he’ll be there.”

Rhodey’s face flattened, going into the strongest bitch face Tony had ever seen.

“Are you fucking kidding me,” Rhodey deadpanned.

“Apparently not,” Tony said blandly, tossing the phone back in the desk with distain. Rhodey reached over and snatched the letter out of Tony’s hand.

“’The Avengers are your family, maybe more so than mine,’ what the fuck is that? Some family, they all left you!”

“Thanks Rhodey,” Tony murmured, face buried in his hands, “I had almost forgotten that happened for a second.”

“Oh you know what I mean,” Rhodey argued, but there was no heat in his voice and he was looking at Tony with concern. “So what are you going to do?”

Tony moved his hands, resting his chin on one fist and toying with the phone with the other. He sat there quietly for a long time. Rhodey was just about to speak again when a slow smirk spread across Tony’s face, the first glimpse of the old Tony that Rhodes had seen in days.

“I think I’ve got an idea.”

~

It had been nearly two months since what the media was calling the “Avenger’s Civil War,” and nearly a month and a half since Steve had sent Tony his apology letter and the burner phone, and still, Tony had yet to call him.

It was a gorgeous sunny day in Wakanda, and Steve, Clint, Sam, and Wanda were sitting in the living room, reading and watching TV, waiting for something to happen or something to do.

Sam and Wanda were sitting and talking quietly by the window. Clint had been sitting on he couch and flipping through the channels for almost twenty minutes, never staying on one channel for more than thirty seconds. And Steve was sitting on armchair in the corner, holding the burner phone in his hand and waiting for it to ring, when T'Challa walked into the room, box in hand.

“Mr. Rogers,” T'Challa said, nodding at the others in the room before walking towards Steve.

“King T'Challa,” Steve said, standing and slipping the phone into his back pocket. “I thought you were still in Vienna for the UN meetings?”

“I was, but we decided to take a recess for a few days, as I had things to take care of in Wakanda and we were not really getting anything done.” T'Challa moved the box from under his arm, thrusting it at Steve, a small indecipherable smile on his face. “I was, however, asked to give this to you.”

“Me?” Steve asked, cold fear flooding his body. “How would they know you could get it to me? Does someone know we’re here?”

“Yes, but I assure you, it’s no one you need worry about,” T'Challa smirked, an amused twinkle in his eye. “They told me not to tell you who it is from, and that you’d recognize the sender when you opened it.”

“Okay…,” Steve said slowly. “Thank you for bringing it to me,” he called out as the King turned and walked away.

“My pleasure, Captain.”

Steve felt his confusion rise when he heard the obvious entertainment in T'Challa’s voice. Looking down at the box in his hand, he sat back down in his chair and began to open it.

A rattling noise came from inside when the box flipped, and Steve’s brow furrowed. Once opened, he dumped the content of the box into his lap and felt his heart drop into his stomach as he looked at the objects in his lap.

Plastic pieces of what looked like an old, cheap flip phone fell out, shattered as though someone had taken a hammer to it repeatedly. On top of the pieces, a slip of paper.

Steve picked up the paper, heart pounding in his chest and ears, and unfolded it.

All that was written inside, in Tony’s blocky, engineer handwriting, was:

Fuck. You. :)

I’ve been thinking about something for a little while, please bear with me while I try to explain. It’s going to sound like it’s all about me, but I promise it’s not.

When I was younger and playing video games, I never made characters that looked like myself. I realize now that these were my first OCs - exceptional women with bright red hair and blue eyes, who were strong and confident and represented everything that I thought I wasn’t. I didn’t like myself in those days - why would I want to play as myself?

When I first picked up Dragon Age: Inquisition on a whim and started playing, I created a girl who looks like me. To me, this represented the journey I’d come through - I loved myself, now, and wanted to play as myself.

Soon afterwards, I joined Tumblr, and after being here for a while I’ve started to pick up on something I find really strange - that self-insert characters are regarded as bad or somehow lesser than original OCs. I really don’t understand this.

Thanks for bearing with me through this ramble - all of this was to make it to this point:

Keep making your self-inserts. Keep playing as yourself. Loving yourself is never bad or wrong, and it’s good to see yourself as the hero of the story.

Teasing

Reader x Stiles Stilinski

(NOT MY GIF)

Imagine: You are Derek Hale’s daughter and has a passionate relationship with Stiles Stilinski, but he doesn’t know. Once he founds out, he invites Stiles over to dinner and you decide it’s good timing to make him pay for all the teasing.

N/A - It’s nearly three in morning, so forgive for any mistakes. I’ll fix them later. 

Warnings: sort of smut, but it only has some handjob; also, swearing. that’s all. 

Word Count: 1767


Fuck…” You moaned softly, enjoying the touch of Stiles’ tongue against your neck, licking and leaving purple marks behind. “We can’t do this here, baby, if my dad bursts in, we’re screwed.”

His honey brown eyes turned dark and a naughty smirk curved his lips, as he shortened even more the space between you, tightening the grip on your hips. A low gasp pushed its way out of your mouth, because, damn, that Stilinski knew how to tease. 

“Didn’t you say he’s out a town?” He hummed, the vibration on your skin sending heat waves to the small nub in the middle of your legs. “Plus, you’re my girlfriend and I think it’s only fair we come clean to him.”

You laughed, managing to slip away from his arms, and went to the fridge, snatching an apple juice box to ease your thirst. Stiles furrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head and looking adorably confused by your latter actions. 

“What is it?”

“Nothing. I’m just wondering since when Derek Hale’s wrath doesn’t scare you.”

“It never did!”  

“Oh, no.” Your voice was soaked with sarcasm, making the boy shift the weight between his legs and frown, clearly annoyed. “I’d like to hear your perfect explanation, other than fear, to why you jumped out of my window last week when he got home.”

“Is this an attempt to shred my masculinity to pieces?” He questioned and, even though it was a bitter response, his tone was smooth, making chills run across your spine. “Because if it is so, I’ll have to show you again who the boss is.”

Keep reading

On Edge (Valentines)

Requests: “Pls do a protective/ jealous Stefan imagine. Could be smut idc but jealous is so cute!!!” (Credits to gif owners! I also kept this as fluff because fluffy and jealous Stefan seems cuter.)

Valentine’s Day was a huge deal in Mystic Falls High. Kids from your classes got to buy candy grams and to pass balloons out for their friends. So far you’d gotten a few from guys you didn’t know, balloons, teddy bears to chocolates in a box. 

 You were excited to see Stefan, you didn’t get to his locker yet but you were going to give him a candy gram and a heart shaped balloon that you blew up yourself in the school store. 

Keep reading

when I met ezra the other day i literally felt so awestruck. like in my head i told myself it was no big deal and i just wanted to say hello and thank him for all the happiness he’s brought into my life, but then it turned into a 15 minute convo about how we both came out as queer. i dont want to get too into detail about it because he told me some things his team and manager told him in private so i dont want to share it if he hasnt already?? anyways we hugged twice and the second one was so long, like 4 minutes into it i patted his back to pull away and he hugged me closer and said “im not letting you get away again!” and sighed into my back and some people behind us were like “awwwww” and basically hes a very warm, very magical person who will talk to you like youre the only one in existence and he was stroking my arms very comfortingly and kept asking me if i was okay and then he said “promise me that you’re doing okay” cause i shared this thing about coming out and he was so worried at first it was so sweet and my friend has all the pics but i might keep them to myself for a while cause they make me so happy. Btw this all happened monday and its thursday now which means i have been running off adrenaline for 4 days just from meeting him

All’s Fair In Love And War

G: It’s not fair, Grace.

Grace: Life is not fair! Do you have any idea how worried we were? Any Idea what could happen to a young woman of your position?

You could have been beaten, or hung!

G: Please don’t cry. I promise I was perfectly safe.

Grace: I just can’t bring myself to understand why you want these thing, darling. 

I said nothing when you insisted on going hunting with your brothers, nor did I speak a word when you showed an interest in swordplay… 

…but entering competitions under a false name?

Dear Merlin, you were in trousers while a man twice your size came at you with a blade!

G: But I could have won, Grace! I–

Grace: But you didn’t.

If that barn hand’t caught on fire they would have discovered your true identity and then where would you be?

Grace: *deep sigh* Darling, I swore to your parents when I took you in that we would protect you.

We love you, you know that…. but maybe it’s time to leave the bravery and heroics to the boys and learn your place?

Covered in mud during battle is not where a young woman belongs.

Grace: Think about it, darling. *exits*

G: Well you know what they say…..

If you can’t beat them…

Godric: …Join them. 

Worth It

Title: Worth It

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x female!Reader

Word Count: ~4.1k (how did this happen?)

Warnings: angst, h/c

Request: Hello! Could I request a reader x Draco? Like where Draco has had an accident and the reader finds him unconscious on the road during a storm so she takes him to her place to patch him up. He has temporarily lost his memory and they fall in love while she cares for him but when he gets his memory back, she is scared that he’ll leave her behind. Thank you so much

(A/n: I don’t even know how this got so long. Anyway please enjoy. It has been really interesting to try and understand post-war Malfoy and how he feels about his past now. || not my gif)


Originally posted by imaginesandmoreforfandom

“Malfoy? Draco Malfoy?” You asked the stranger who looked at you in confusion, the young man looked nothing like the arrogant always well-dressed boy you remembered from your days in Hogwarts. The man in front of you was pale and wary, lost and confused. Yet he still had the eyes that had haunted your dreams for years, both nightmares and daydream fantasies – the young Malfoy had always been something else.

“Who are you?” His voice wary as he looked you up and down, not trusting you. Good on him, you would never trust him either. Although he seemed more than vulnerable with his haunted eyes and confusion written all over his handsome features.

Keep reading

2

Hey guys, I’m sure you’re tired of seeing stuff like this but if you could please just take a moment to read this I promise I’ll try to keep it brief <3

For the past 5 months I have been the sole provider for my partner and myself;

that is to say - only I have a job (part-time, just barely above minimum wage) and am paying for rent ($600/month), utilities ($75-$150/month), groceries, and the needs for our three lovely cats. My partner is autistic and finishing up their computer science degree with an unpaid internship, and doesn’t have the energy to work another paying job, while I myself have 3-5 mental disorders (depending on which therapist/psychiatrist you ask) on top of undiagnosed autism that also prevent me from working full-time. (not to mention that both of us are trans which makes it stupidly difficult to find decent employment anyway) While their parents do send us $200/month to help out, it just isn’t enough to cut it.

Three years ago I had to use my credit card to cover the security deposit on a house we rented with some friends who assured me they would pay me back. They never did, so for the past 2 ½ years I’ve been floundering in my credit card debt. I am on a payment plan where I pay $25 every month but it barely covers the interest accrued, and even that $25 I can barely even afford (the automatic payment has bounced 5 times in the past year alone)

And on top of all that I recently received a statement from the IRS claiming I owe them back the paltry refund I got to cover my school supplies for the 2015 school year.

I’ve already looked into challenging my debt, but because I didn’t buy my software and textbooks through the college, and was also too young and stupid to save the receipts, I have no way to prove that I did actually deserve the refund I got.

I’m hoping I can raise a total of $1250 to cover these two expenses just so my debt is less crushing.

That’s not even including the rent for April which I’m very doubtful I’ll be able to afford. It would mean the world to me if you could send whatever you can manage to part with as all this financial stress is impeding my partner and my own ability to cope with our situation.

You can send donations via Square Cash and PayPal

$jwfae

arwenevenstar10@ymail.com

Thank you so much for reading, have a blessed day <3

mafia!EXO reaction when they get overprotective & jealous

(requested by anon: Could you do a mafia!au with exo when they get overprotective just like you did with bts?)

BTS version

warnings: smut, violence, swearing, dominant-submissive behaviour

You’re new to the gang and you’re already great with everyone except the leader. You didn’t talk to him much because you were scared of him as he was very short-tempered and dangerous. That’s why you were sort of submissive towards him and he adored it.. secretly. You would continue to be scared of him and not talk to him if a guy didn’t approach you today and if that didn’t trigger the leader..


Sehun

He leaned against the wall, staring at you two. As your eyes met Sehun’s dark ones, Sehun lost it. He walked furiously over and punched the guy couple of times. You got up and moved Sehun away calming him down, as the guy went away. „Oppa please don't“ you whispered as you hugged him while he tried pushing past you. That finally calmed him down so he hugged you but he was still glaring at the guy. „Nobody touches you or comes near you except me. No. One.“ he growled into your ear.


Chanyeol

His anger was rising but he managed to control it and just glare at you two. The guy went away so you got up and as you turned you almost kissed Chanyeol how close he was. „Is it fun to piss me off?“ he said as you gave him a puzzled look. He grabbed your wrist roughly and pulled you into his „office“. He placed you on the table so that he was between your legs. He grabbed your neck softly and pulled you closer. „Let me show you what else is fun“ he said while rubbing his dick against your jeans.


Baekhyun

As you started talking to the guy he stopped all of his actions and focused only on you. You felt his gaze on you and it sent a shiver down your spine. You excused yourself from the guy and went over to Baek. Since he was sitting on the sofa looking at the guy with a creepy, killer look you knew it was best to calm him down before he really kills someone. You sat on him so that you straddled him and you hugged him playing with the end of his hair. He eventually stopped staring and hugged you back tightly.


Kai

He was super irritated and he didn’t mind showing it. „Yah, move away from her before I lose my damn temper“ he yelled at the guy who was dumbfounded. But since the words came from the leader he went away immediately. You walked over to Kai who was looking deeply into your eyes. You placed your hands on his chest and fixed his some-sort-of-a-suits collar. „I’d like it more if you took that off in my bedroom rather than fix it right now“ he said with an amused, dark expression.


Lay

You knew one of his „signs“ which showed he was on the edge. And that sign happened, he wiped his lips and his pupils became larger, darker. „I think you should go now“ you whispered to the boy who listened to you and went away. You reached Lay and moved your look away from his because that was the best thing to do now. „He was so cute even I wanted to bite him.. and tear his limbs off“ he spitted it out almost. „But I don’t wanna do that.. Instead I want to bite you. In my bed with you naked“


Suho

He was having a calm posture but he was far from calm. He didn’t want you to see his bad side. He went back to his „office“ and sat patiently waiting for you to show up. You entered a few minutes after and turned around to close the doors. Just as you were about to turn around he pressed you against the door, pressing his dick roughly against you. „I promised myself I won’t show you my bad, dangerous side.. but you won’t escape it now“


Kyungsoo

As he started biting his inner lip you knew it wasn’t good. Plus he’s been staring for a few minutes now with his famous i-will-fucking-kill-you look. „Sorry I have to go to oppa“ you said startling the guy. You came up to him and stood in front of him while he just sat and watched you angrily. He pulled your arm fiercely so you were on his level. „You don’t know how close I was to taking you to my office and spanking your bratty ass a million and one fucking time“


Xiumin

He gave the guy an obviously unamused look so he went away. He pulled you into his „office“. „You really have a terrible taste in men you know?“ you were unamused so you were your cocky self. „That’s right. That’s why I fell for your stupidass“ Instantly his posture changed and his eye colour got darker. „What did you just say to me?“ his breathing got low. „Better apologise now and I might go easy on you“ he grabbed your ass really hard making you cry out. „Suppose you like it rough. How lucky, me too“


Chen

You noticed his deadly look a bit too late. He got to him already and started punching him. „You know she’s mine you brat“ he yelled at him. You were shook but you had to calm him down. „Chen“ you said as you moved him away but with almost no success, he was so god damn strong. „Chen!“ you yelled while burying yourself into his chest to distract him. His breathing and death glares have gradually faded and he hugged you back, kissing your forehead.


Luhan  

He lost it the second the guy came up to you. „Aish you bastard“ he was walking furiously towards him. He was almost unstoppable. He punched him so many times the guys had to move him away as well as the other guy. You were angry at him but you had to calm him down now. You came up to him and touched his hands which were stained with a bit of blood. „I’m gonna lose my god damn mind because of you“ he said complaining. „Yah you’re the one who is guilty for this mess“ you said angrily. He came to you inches apart from you face. „One more time have a bratty attitude, you won’t be able to walk for a fucking week“


Kris

He was just glaring intensely. It became quite uncomfortable so you wanted to leave. „I will leave now. Talk to you later“ you nodded and left towards the angry leader. You weren’t the type to provoke people but Kris got quite on your nerves. Lately he has been so cold to you but now no one can approach you. „If you really cared about me so much you’d be nicer to me“ „Do you want me to show you how nice and good I can be?“ he said just a bit above the whisper with an amused, dark look.


Tao

He’d just stare and glare until he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He came up to you and led you out on the fresh, cold air. „Tao it’s cold, I wanna go in“ you said trembling. „No. You’re not going amongst any guys. You’ll be only with me“ As he saw you trembling he opened his arms and unzipped his jacket. „Come here“ You hesitated but there was no such thing with Tao. He pulled you into a hug covering you with his jacket. „When I say come here I want you to listen to me. That goes for anything I say“



xx sorry for the long wait this turned out long af lol.. hope anon is satisfied, keep requesting; im writing all the other requests too dont worry ❤️  xx

Sorry Ishida Sui, Mutsuki deserved better

I have been a fan of tokyo ghoul for a while but after re: chapter 114, i am utterly shocked. this is the FINAL straw. what were you thinking ishida? i cant believe i would end up dropping one of my favorite mangas

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I am just so mad right now i cant contain myself…ugh..why ishida??? why did you have to ruin mutsuki so much? she had so much development!! where did it all go!!! noo!! I cant take it anymore im just going to drop this manga but ugh i cant get over it ! Everything that was promised to us by ishida was thrown in the trash

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Disappointing so disappointing after everything

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if only if :re was as good as part 1. :re it had so much potential, it could have been so much better if ishida had cared about mutsuki

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maybe it will taste better with ketchup

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let’s add some beans with it

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Why stop there? let’s cook it up to 4000 degrees celsius

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Add some salt, so much salt

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Finally, where it belongs

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Why ishida?

You could have made mutsuki one of the best developed characters ever. disgusting

Sorry ishida, i liked tokyo ghoul:re but not anymore. I just cant tolerate it anymore. ive had enough

anonymous asked:

I used to be considered a "gifted" writer, winning contests and getting praise all throughout my school days... but I've lost it, completely. I have little to no desire to write, what I do write is forced and ugly and plain... It's writer's block that has been going on for years! I don't have a lack of ideas, it's literally just a forgotten skill. Do you have any advice on long-term writer's block? Or maybe an explanation?

Darling, don’t waste time worrying if you’re not “gifted” anymore because, I promise you, you still are.

Originally posted by shawnhollenbach

I know that I have that same tendency, too.  When it’s been a while since I’ve written and I can’t get back into it, my automatic thought is, “I lost it.  I had it and I lost it.  I might as well join Corporate America because my soul is dead.”

But there are a lot of explanations for why your writing isn’t coming out how you want!  I’ll list a few of them below…


Explanations for Writer’s Block

  • You’re out of practice.  I can tell a difference in my “skill” after a week without writing – so if it’s been years?  You’re probably very rusty.  If this is the reason you’re struggling, my advice is to push through and write crap.  Even if it disappoints you or you sit there thinking, “This is terrible this is terrible this is the worst,” just do it.  Just force yourself through it.  Eventually, I promise from experience, something halfway decent will come out.  And it’ll get better from there.
  • You’re lacking confidence.  Another big ailment of mine – if I haven’t written something I liked in a while, I can count myself out before I start.  So even if I push through and write, I either self-edit the whole time or I delete it when I’m done.  That creates the effect of Returning to Square One, which negates my work in the first place.  If this is the case for you, my advice is to look closely and find something to like about your writing.  Even in The Worst writing I’ve ever done (and trust me, 2013 me was a nightmare to read), I’ve found a way to compliment myself.  So read your stuff like you’re critiquing a five-year old.  You’re not gonna sit there and tell a kid, “Dude this sh*t sucks lol delete your account.”
  • You’re clinging to old ideas and old methods.  If you “used to” write for X fandom or you “used to” write before class every day, that’s not a good enough reason to keep doing it.  If you “used to” write without an outline or you “used to” feel like a damn wizard when you wrote, that doesn’t mean you’re able to do that now.  And that doesn’t mean your talent has decreased.  Writers are different in every new season – adjust for yourself.  Stop expecting yourself to work under ancient systems and expectations.
  • You feel uncomfortable with your author’s voice.  This can be a simple matter of feeling inadequate/nervous – or you could even be annoyed with your own voice/writing style.  This can worsen the more you read other classic books with “better” voices and compare yourself.  If this is the case, my usual technique is to try to “rewire” my voice – try a different POV style or tense.  This can change how your voice sounds, which can make it easier for you and your narration to play nice together.
  • You can’t find the right character.  This sounds like a small issue, but it makes a huge difference.  If you’re unable to find/create a relatable or likable character, you’ll feel uncomfortable no matter what story you write.  It’s like if a principal ballerina were to try to perform her signature piece in a smelly school mascot costume.  You know what to do, but you’re just not in the right outfit!  So it feels clumsy.  It makes it hard to see how you look or what you’re doing wrong.  It makes you feel like a bad ballerina!  So try taking the time to find a good character.  Fanfiction can be a good transitioning activity for you – pick your favorite book/movie/TV character and write in their POV until you feel comfortable again.
  • You’re mentally or emotionally unhealthy.  This sounds judgy, but trust me – 90% of my writer’s block crops up in times of poor mental health or emotional stress.  Just like you can’t play baseball with broken ankles, you can’t write if your heart or your brain aren’t up to snuff.  So assess yourself for undue stress, depression, anxiety (my big one), or mental exhaustion.  Beyond that, make sure your heart isn’t clogged – so to say, make sure you’re emotionally accessible for writing.  If you’re deep in grieving, dissociating, or facing any kind of emotional blockage, your writing is definitely going to suffer.  It might be best to take time to work on these issues – otherwise you’re trying to row a boat with holes in it.

These are some of the main ones I’ve encountered in my time – and they’re definitely not the only explanations.  If none of these ideas help you to get started again, be sure to message me!  I’d love to discuss it with you personally :)  I know how awful that limbo can feel and I definitely want to help if I can.

Thanks again, and happy writing (hopefully)! <3


If you need advice on general writing or fanfiction, you should maybe ask me!

i should have left you the moment i saw you smile.

or, that’s what i tell myself. i tell myself that your smile wasn’t the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, but the opposite. it was the thing that ruined my life. the thing that took my happiness, pulled it from its core, and never gave it back. the thing that destroyed my heart in every way.

am i being too dramatic? sorry.

in all honesty, i did this to myself. i let you in, showed you where my happiness hid, told you what scared me, allowed your lips to wander my skin and show me love that you never really felt for me. maybe you were in love with the idea of me; the idea of loving someone so imperfect. maybe you love trying to fix people, but i was too far gone, wasn’t i? so you decided it wasn’t worth it - scratch that, i wasn’t worth it.

you were so unexpected, but i thought you were so right. i thought we were supposed to have that one love story where you come into the sad part of my life just to show me what real happiness was like. to show me what it felt like to really smile about something, to show me how it felt to brush my lips against someone else’s. to feel my heart speed up at the sound of someone else’s laugh.

i hope i put on a good enough show for you.

but the thing is, it wasn’t a show for me. i refrained from allowing myself to love you because life had been cruel to me before, and i wondered, how was life going to dig its talons into my skin this time? except after a few months, i gave myself to you. i gently slid my heart into your hands, begged you to keep it safe, and trusted you with my last breath. you looked at me with your ocean eyes, a smile on your face, and you promised.

that’s the most fucked up thing. you promised you would keep it safely tucked away, next to your own heart. somehow, you managed to keep yours safe while simultaneously shattering mine. what you gave back to me at the end of the day was something that resembled a puzzle piece. it was missing its parts to become whole, and you told me you lost them. and you were sorry.

you weren’t really sorry, were you? instead, you kept my pieces hidden with you, somewhere i was never really allowed. and now you have me completely blocked out, except you’re still carrying those pieces of me with you, everywhere you go.

what i’m trying to say, is that i’m not sorry we ended, i’m sorry that you had to destroy me in the process. and i wish i could take myself back from you.

—  8:44 pm thoughts / a letter to my ex
I just want to say something to everyone angry at Walter.

Not in a confrontational way, just in a “please read what I have to say” way.

I have this problem, a lovely result of one of my mental illnesses that causes me to have missing time.  It’ll be 1pm, I’ll blink and it’s 6pm, and I’ll pick up my phone and see texts and Facebook activity that I genuinely do not remember. A guest will come down to the desk at work and ask me if I’ve worked out teh situation yet and I don’t know what they’re talking about.  I have an entire class that I took in college that I only know I took because I have a grade.  I vaguely remember talking to the prof once.  But that is three hours a week for an entire semester that I do not have in my memories.  Missing time is some of the most terrifying shit I’ve ever experienced and it’s something you really cannot understand unless you live it.

When I had my wisdom teeth out I was terrified I was going to say or do something embarassing while under the effects of the meds. I made my mom take all my electronics and demanded she not give them back to me until I was back to myself, and I made her promise that if I ended up not remembering anything that happened, she had to tell me. This happened a few years before the missing time from mental illness started, but I’ve always been anxious about other people having memories of me that I don’t have of myself.  In college some classmates would tell me things I said or did, sometimes teasing me, sometimes really telling me, and I would have no idea if they were telling me the truth or not.  Thankfully, so far, I’ve never been made aware of me saying or doing anything largely significant during these missing time periods.  But if I did ever find out I did, I’d feel terrified, embarassed, betrayed, and violated.  I’d react to that in a way that people who don’t have these issues - and even some that do, since we all react differently - wouldn’t understand. 

Team Scorpion had the gaps in Walter’s memory that he didn’t have.  They didn’t tell him because they believed it was best (and I agree that they made the right decision at the time even though I am annoyed that Paige essentially flaunted Tim in front of him and acted like she had no idea why Walter couldn’t just like the guy), but Walter can’t see that right now.  He’s not capable of that right now.  All he understands is the first part of that sentence.  They didn’t tell him.  He feels safe around that team and right now he probably doesn’t feel safe, especially since they kept denying it and a few of them tried to laugh it off.  This is probably the first time he’s experienced missing time and those minutes he hadn’t had were some of the most significant of his life.  It is going to take him longer than a few hours of thinking upstairs for him to fully process it.  

He’s acting rashly, and it’s not because of his IQ vs his EQ.  It’s because that sort of thing can be legitimately traumatic and I know this firsthand.  

offended-goat  asked:

Hi! My birthday is April 3rd and I was wondering if I could get a best friends/ peeta is jealous Drabble please? Thank you so much lovelies.

Originally posted by itadakimasu-letmeeat

Wishing you a wonderful birthday! The incredible @alliswell21 has written this perfect little bit of Everlark, just for you. Enjoy!


Fluff

A/N: Happy Birthday! Here is a fluffy Everlark growing-back-together story with just a touch of spice. Enjoy!!!

Canon compliant
Rated T
Fluff and Comfort

——————

It’s a rare evening, peaceful and quiet, Peeta and I sit on the porch watching the sun dip to sleep in the horizon, displaying the most beautiful array of colors either of us has seen in months.

“Look!” I whisper, “It’s your favorite color,” I point at the glorious arrange of oranges, yellows and pinks just in front of us.

Peeta smiles at the sky contentedly, softly. At peace. “I remember it clearly now,” he says with a pleased sigh. Then his sweet, blue eyes, turn to find mine, reaching my hand with his. “Thank you,”

“What for?” I ask confused.

“You gave me back part of my identity just by knowing something as simple as my favorite color, or how I tie my shoelaces.” He scoots closer to me on the stoop while intertwining our fingers more firmly. “You help me rediscover the real me every day. Thank you for not forgetting who I was, even when I did.” He kisses my knuckles.

“Well, you’ve help me stay sane, so I guess…” I fish in my head for the right words, but he smirks and answers,

“We’re even?”

I scowl causing him to chuckle.

“No,” I counter. “We make a good team. We are good for each other.”

Keep reading

Little Parker - Kai Parker (Part Eight)

Warnings: fighting with your significant other.  mild cursing.

Summary: Kai comes back from the dead to find he has a daughter.

A/n: So much fighting oh my oh my @geminioriginalsimagines

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

Originally posted by televisiongifs

———

“What? Kai, that’s crazy. We go back and Damon will kill you!” Your voice was low, so that Anna wouldn’t hear you.

“I know, I know, but something’s happening. Something that concerns not just me but Anna, you, and our babies.” Kai was arguing with you now, you could feel him starting to get angry in defense of his decision.

“It’s the Gemini coven, isn’t it? You want to get close to Ric’s twins.” You knew what he wanted, he tried to kill them once already, and when at first you don’t succeed, try again right?

“I want to help them, not everyone needs to end up like me! They don’t know how to control their magic, and I can help them. I can feel them, Anna can feel them, hell I’m pretty sure you’d be able to feel every little tendril of their magic each time they do something!” Your anger was rising, you promised Caroline after Anna was born that you wouldn’t bring your kid close to her kids if you could help it.

“No! I’m not going to put Anna through that, god Kai do you have any understanding of what she’s going through right now? Her father just came back from the dead! She’s currently known by all of the magical community as Kai Parker the Murderous Sociopath’s daughter! Everyone thinks she’s an abomination, a freak, an insane little girl who murders other children FOR FUN! And I made a promise, I made a promise after Anna was born that she wouldn’t even get close to Josey and Lizzie! And I swear to god Kai Parker if you make me break my promise then I will KILL YOU MYSELF!” A window smashes to your left, a few papers on the kitchen table light on fire, the door slams shut.

“Oh my god.” Kai lets out a chuckle as he talks, turning around to look at the door, swinging half off it’s hinges.

“DON’T! DON’T YOU DARE LAUGH AT ME! I HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT WHILE YOU’VE BEEN GONE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO RAISE A CHILD? SHE USED TO SCREAM AND CRY FOR DAYS! AND I NEVER SLEPT! SHE DROVE ME INSANE AND WERE YOU HERE TO HELP ME? NO, YOU DIDN’T FUCKING LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO AFTER YOUR SISTER BUT NO, NO, NO, NO! YOUR GRUDGE AGAINST THEM KILLED YOU AND LEFT ANNA WITHOUT A FATHER! DON’T YOU EVER LAUGH AT ME AGAIN DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?”

Kai looked stunned, he stared down at you wide eyed and you stared back up at him, anger boiling in your blood. Everything you wanted to say to him since the first day came flying out, you wanted to hit him, you wanted him to feel your pain, you wanted him to feel every second of your grief.

“I-” His voice breaks, you take a deep breath, still seething with anger.

“We are not going back to Mystic Falls and that is final, understand?” Kai nods, speechless as you stare up at him.

“Good.” You walk around him and open the kitchen door, trying not to look so angry as you walk towards the front door.

“Where are you going?” Kai walks after you.

“Out.” The door slams behind you and you walk down the stairs, rolling your shoulders with a heavy sigh as you get to the pavement.

An hour later and you find yourself in the French quarter, you weren’t lost, you had your phone, you just needed to calm down. You were so pissed, you weren’t going to return to Mystic Falls and put Anna’s life and the life of your unborn children in danger just so he could get to those kids. They were better off with Caroline and Ric, you couldn’t raise them any better. You were raising Anna as best as you could, you weren’t turning her into a sociopath.

It took you a year to get him to talk about his childhood, once you convinced him that you weren’t going to leave him and that you weren’t going to tell anyone- ever. That’s a serious breach of privacy and trust, you wouldn’t hurt him like that. He told you, about everything, about being a siphon, being seen as the family abomination. His mother was ashamed of him, his father locked him away, he wasn’t allowed to touch anyone, ever. Anna was not treated like that. You weren’t ashamed of her, you were proud of her. She stood up to everyone, she’s always so incredibly brave, and she’s not afraid to show people how powerful siphons can be with a little bit of magic and a lot of emotion. She held your hand while you crossed the street, she hugged you daily, you aren’t ashamed or afraid of your baby. You love her, and she loves you right back.

As you made your way back to the house you passed an old building, condemned, by the looks of it. But you remembered it, after you had Anna you came down to see your old friend Rebekah. She loved Anna, coddled her and showered her in kisses. You were there for a week. Now the place was covered in weeds and falling apart. You stared through the gates, hands at your sides.

“Everything’s going to hell, isn’t it?” You ask yourself quietly, your hand lingering over your stomach.

“I wouldn’t say that,” you spin around, looking right up at Marcel Girard, also an old friend, “I’d say this city is much better off without the Mikaelson’s.”

“Marcel.” You smile at him and he smiles back, letting you hug him. “It’s so good to see you.”

“You too, Y/n.” You back out of the hug still smiling.

“So what happened to the Mikaelsons?” You gesture to the building.

“I sent them packing.” You smile even wider, you never did like Klaus.

“Good on you.” He nods, a small smile directed to you.

“How’s your little one? Anna, is it?” You nod.

“She’s great, great, adjusting to New Orleans life very well. She’s five now, and she still drives me up the wall, but I love her for it.” You were still smiling, ignoring the lurking voice in the back of your head that said something was definitely off about Marcel.

“That’s really good, I’m glad to hear it.” You hug him again.

“I’ll see you around.” You walk away from him. Finally, after being several blocks away and out of the French Quarter, you have into the nagging voice in your head.

You turn into your house, walking up the stairs and opening the doors. Anna was sitting on the floor playing with Legos with the TV on and Kai was in the kitchen. You take your shoes off and then head towards the kitchen. You felt bad for yelling at Kai but you’d be lying if you said you thought he didn’t deserve it. After everything he put you through, and what he put Anna through, he definitely deserved it. Or at least you thought he did.

“I’m uh,” You stood in the kitchen’s doorway, Kai turned around from the stove when you talked, “I’m going to talk to Caroline and Ric this week. They’re probably struggling with the twins and I can give them some advice.”

“Okay.” Kai turns his back to you again, mixing noodles in water.

“I’m sorry Kai, but you know where I’m coming from right? I made a promise, I can’t break it.” Kai nods. You both had time to think, a few hours to calm down and assess the situation.

“Yeah, I get it, we need to think of Anna now. And the twins.” Kai’s eyes flicked down to your stomach.

“We do.” The tension in the air is high and you find it unbearable. You walk away, into the living room with Anna.

“Are you and daddy going to break up?” Anna asks, her eyes staring right into yours.

“No, no of course not baby. Mommies and daddies just, fight sometimes…it’s normal. We aren’t going to break up.” Anna’s eyes tear up, you slide off the couch and onto the floor beside her, recognizing quickly the signs of when your child is about to cry.

“I don’t want you and daddy to leave me.” You lift Anna into your lap as she cries.

“Hey, hey, hey…me and daddy aren’t ever going to leave you, no one can take us away from you.” Anna’s hands curls part of your shirt into a fist, her tears staining your shirt at the shoulder as you cradle her. You rock slowly, trying to calm her down.

“Not even the bad heretic?” Anna’s voice is small, she’s scared.

“Not even him, baby, no one can take us away from you.” Anna slowly starts to calm down as you rock, she was tired, she was always tired after she cried.

“It’s okay, baby, we’re all going to be okay.” You run your hand over her hair, smoothing it out as she calms down, sniffling.

“I don’t want you to go.” Anna’s voice drawls slightly, she was going to fall asleep.

“I won’t leave you, I promise.” Her eyes close and you wipe the tears off of her cheeks, she didn’t need to be afraid, she’s just a little girl.

You continue to rock, still holding her, your baby. She’d always be your little girl, you knew that. You pressed your lips to her forehead before standing and laying her on the couch. You pull a blanket over her shoulders, she didn’t deserve to be afraid of heretics and monsters. She was a little kid, she should be afraid of the bogeyman man in her closet, not of a heretic coming into her home and taking her family away. With that final thought you go back into the kitchen, thinking and thinking of a way to make Malum disappear forever.

Why now? - Another Saeyoung Angst Fic

Title: Why Not?
Rating: Mature, includes death and shooting
Genre: Angst, all the angst
Game: Mystic Messenger
Characters: MC, RFA and Saeran
Description: MC loves Saeyoung and wants to tell him, but it’s too late, he’s found someone else, what’s MC to do?

Hey my lovely lovely followers, been wanting to do an angsty fic for a while and I wanted to do an MM one, I was inspired by this prompt, so enjoy :D

How long had I known Saeyoung for? Too long. How much had I been through with him? Too much. Ever since I had joined the RFA nearly two years ago, I knew I had felt something for the infamous hacker of the group. We had such amazing banter on the group chat, he constantly made me laugh and brought light in my life more than I thought a guy could ever do. Every time I logged in and he was in the chat room already, we always greeted each other with such love and admiration for one another, it felt good. More than good, amazing, fantastic, brilliant, any kind of positive adjective you could think of.

After the first few days of being part of the RFA, getting to know everyone, it didn’t take me long to realise I had feelings for him. The trip to go save his brother, Saeran, kind of just confirmed my feelings. My problem was, I wasn’t sure if he felt the same way.  He kept talking to me throughout his troubles, we even shared a few moments between us whilst Saeran was still healing. He would hug me just a little tighter, our fingers would brush against each-others and he would purposefully do it again, we even almost kissed one time but Saeran had woken up badly from a dream breaking the moment. I didn’t blame him, not in the least, but I genuinely wondered what would have happened if he had continued to sleep.

Zen was the first one to notice how I felt, and naturally Jumin was the last. It was during a meal that Zen and Yoosung asked how I felt whilst Saeyoung was on the phone checking on Saeran at home. Of course, I couldn’t deny it, and thankfully they were more than happy to hear about it.

“Oh my God, I’m so happy for you!” Yoosung grinned like a child.

“You two would make such a good couple, honestly, you’ve been through so much together” Zen grinned too “you going to tell him?”

“I’m not sure, I mean, Saeran comes first right now and he’s doing so well, I don’t want to mess that up, you know?” I said.

“No, of course, but do you want to tell him?” Zen asked.

“I do, not sure how but I do” I smiled, the blush on my cheeks flaring up.

“We’ll help you figure something out, I bet if you do something romantic and slightly geeky, he’ll have to tell you how he feels and you’ll be together forever, and and….”

“Zen, calm down” I chuckled, shushing him when Saeyoung came back and sat next to me.

“Saeran’s ok, had another nightmare but they’re getting easier so, all’s good in the hood!” he grinned, digging back into his food.

“I’m glad he’s ok, like I said, if you need anything again in the future, I’m there” I offered.

“Thanks! I do appreciate that!” he said, giving me a quick hug and we all continued our meal.

Keep reading

A dash of readspiration

Belatedly, it’s that time again if you’ve been following me a while. If not - welcome to reading great novels is the best way to be inspired to write. If only you could put the damn thing down anyway…


1) “All Eli had to do was smile. All Victor had to do was lie. Both proved frighteningly effective.” - Vicious, Victoria Schwab


2) “That was my grandfather’s one survival tip if I ever found myself trapped in a fairy tale. Keep your promises. Bad things happen if you don’t.” - Black Eyed Susans, Julia Heaberlin


3) “Something was wrong. She’d failed, Phoebe thought, but at what? Imagining herself in Europe, she’d always pictured someone else, physically even, a tall blonde with an answer for everything - as if, in the course of this journey, she would not only shed her former life but cease to exist as herself. Yes, she thought, to leave Phoebe O'Connor behind and be reborn as someone beautiful, mysterious. But the opposite had happened; her own narrow boundaries had hemmed her in, keeping everything real at a distance.”   - The Invisible Circus, Jennifer Egan


4) “This life is filled with threats and danger, David. We face those that we have to face, and there will be times when we must make the choice to act for the greater good, even at risk to ourselves, but we do not lay down our lives needlessly. Each of us has only one life to live, and one life to give. There is no glory in throwing it away where there is no hope.” - The Book of Lost Things, John Connolly


5) ”But then I think, this happens sometimes, doesn’t it? People you have a history with, they won’t let you go, and as hard as you might try, you can’t disentangle yourself, can’t set yourself free. Maybe after a while you just stop trying.” - The Girl on The train, Paula Hawkins

Otonokids - Baby Maki's theme
Mod Nocti (@Saturnoodle)

I promised myself that I wouldnt post the soundtrack while I was working on the game, but it’s been litteral ages so that’s an apology for taking so long. 

And since it’s her birthday today there’s no excuse not to share this lovely tune.

This is the soundtrack that you’ll hear either when you play as Maki, and/or when the scene takes place in her house.

It is by far one of the most soothing tracks of the game, even if it’s not really the calmest, rhythm-wise. That’s something else. There’s something I can’t explain about this track that takes me back.

I have no idea if it’s still a WIP version or if it’s final, since I spent half of the game making reopening every theme song to add/remove/edit stuff. (That’s how i wasted so much time iM MAKING ALL THE SOUNDTRACK BY MYSELF)

[Full soundtrack tag]