The rain fell just loud enough for you to hear, the skies a beautiful but somber grey and the world feeling otherwise silent. The birds weren’t chirping. The neighborhood seemed empty. It was just you. You and your empty apartment and your thoughts. The all consuming thoughts that made the silence seem so loud. His voice just kept replaying in your head, like the soundtrack to the otherwise quiet moment.
it’s been close to two years since taylor swift kindly penned a handwritten list of eleven new music recommendations and concluded it with “the end (for now).” now she’s curated seventy songs she loves into a playlist for us to listen to on repeat. we truly stan a gracious, supportive artist and thoughtful, generous woman.
This started as a series of quick sketches while listening to an audiobook late one night. I’ve been trying to establish a cohesive look for each of the Seven Kingdoms and have been having a difficult time coming up with things that I like. This was me toying around with some viking inspired looks.
Warnings: Objectification of reader (sorta - he means well), Implied smut, smut, Dry Humping, Oral (69), unsafe sex (wrap it before you tap it), training kink (is that a thing?), rough(ish) sex, NSFW gifs under the cut.
Word Count: 3500ish
A/N: This is me proving to myself I still remember how to smut. I haven’t written anything smutty for the longest of times and I have been feeling like it lately. It was harder than I thought getting back into the saddle though. Sorry if it is a bit rough - pun not intended.
It is somewhat inspired by the Ed Sheeran song Shape of You - and maybe a little by the video too.
***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***
“Fuck,” she breathed out, instantly drawing Jensen’s attention. He was sprawled out his couch, waiting for Y/N to return to his side. It was movie night and she hadn’t bothered leaving the room to take the phone call. Jensen never eaves dropped and even if he was to overhear something it wouldn’t matter. There was nothing to two of them hid from each other. Literally nothing.
They had both been single for a while and some drunken night they had come to the conclusion, that helping each other blow off some steam when either of them needed it was much prefered from picking up some random dude or chick at a bar.
“If you want I am game,” Jensen teased her, throwing her his best Dean smirk, making her eyes roll so hard he was sure Jared would hear it across the hall from Jensen’s apartment.
“It’s not funny, Jensen! They offered me the part. I’m gonna be Wonder Woman,” she complained, making Jensen shoot from the couch and wrap her in his arms, spinning her around the air not caring one bit about her objection.
“That’s amazing Y/N/N,” he laughed putting her down but not releasing her from his hold, “what are you so worried about?” Jensen gently stroked her hair away from her face, studying her face and trying to figure out why she wasn’t over the moon about this. She had a tendency to overthink things. He knew that. He literally spent 2 hours on the floor of her bedroom leaning against her bathroom door trying to talk her out after the first night they had slept together.
Summary: AU. Reader is given the task of running a
popular love advice internet show when her coworker is fired. Her
cynical attitude toward love makes her offer some harsh advice, and more
than a few hearts are caught in the aftermath. Will hers be one of them?
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader
Word Count: 3,442
language, fluff, wishful thinking, hot firemen, sarcasm, cynicism, bad jokes
A/N: Okay, so I saw a movie a long long time ago that was terrible, but it inspired the ‘bad’’ love advice and the firemen. I’ve been dying to have fireman!Bucky in one of my AUs.
And yes, the title comes from the Paramore song. I felt like it’s how reader feels throughout. Hope you guys like it. I had some writer’s block, and some house guests, so this is a little late being posted.
— You and Jin had always been inseparable, so the boys never had their suspicions that you would be together. You were always around helping everyone; you were the second and female Jin. The boys all loved you unconditionally because you always found time to cook for the members, and to them, you were the eighth member of BTS. They would never have expected to come home to see Jin giving you a back hug while you two were cooking. Once Namjoon coughed, you two instantly broke apart and faced the six grinning faces that stared you down. There was not one person in that room who thought that the hug was between two best friends.
“We’re dating.” “For how long?!” “Eight months…”
YOONGI || SUGA
— Yoongi would have his palms placed on your hips as you sat on his lap, your fingers tangled in his hair as your lips brushed against one another’s. You would always go into the studio once everyone besides Yoongi had left, and he would work while you studied. The peaceful moments between you two were always the most cherished. Some nights you would both end up wrapped in each other’s arms in your bed, and Yoongi would have to return to the studio early so nobody would suspect anything. It was definitely one of those evenings, judging from how Yoongi kept his grip on you. When the door slammed open and Hoseok’s voice filled the room, you knew that your idea of the future had changed.
“Hyung! I came up with a brilliant i— oh, it appears as if you had one about Y/N already!”
HOSEOK || JHOPE
— All of the members believed that whenever you and Hoseok went to go dance together, that it was completely innocent. Most of the time, Hoseok’s hands would find a way to you, and sometimes it would lead to the two of you dancing in the least innocent way. Hoseok placed his lips on the back of your neck, his arms wrapped around waist. You would let out a quiet giggle, knowing his approval for the song you had choreographed. Hoseok would inhale your scent, loving the alone time you two shared. You both would be so in the moment that you didn’t see Jimin and Jungkook walk in until they began fake gagging.
“Since when have dance practices been more than just dancing?”
NAMJOON || RAP MONSTER
— You would have been over at the dorms talking to Yoongi and Hoseok about a song that the rap line wrote. Sitting on the couch beside Hoseok, the boys expressed how everyone had been oddly inspired lately when it came to writing love songs. Namjoon would walk in then and take a seat in the empty spot between you and Hoseok. Once Hoseok explained what you all had been conversing about, Namjoon smiled and nodded, agreeing. Namjoon then started explaining his source of inspiration, and his clumsiness transferred from his limbs to his lips.
“Well lately I have been taking my experiences with Y/N and making them into lyrics for our s—” “Namjoon!”
— It would be a normal morning for you; you would have gone to the local café and gotten all of the boys coffee, and then headed to the studio to surprise them. A smile would be on your naked face as you wore Jimin’s oversized hoodie, shorts that hid under it, and knee socks. The boys would never know that the hoodie belonged to Jimin, being that he only wore it once before he accidentally left it at your place. As you knocked on the door of the practice room, you hummed to yourself quietly. Holding one drink carrier in each hand, the door opened and all of the boys began cheering at your arrival. You didn’t notice Jin staring until he walked over to you to get his drink, when he smiled and tilted his head to the side.
“Isn’t that the sweatshirt I gave Jimin?”
TAEHYUNG || V
— You were playing video games with Jungkook and Tae, sitting between the two. Jungkook kept beating you, which was usual being that you didn’t own the game at home, and that it was Jungkook. The only issue was that Kookie kept leaning on you whenever he was turning in the game, or whenever he beat you in some way. You knew it was frustrating Taehyung being that your usual peppy boyfriend was scowling beside you. You would glance over to him whenever Jungkook would get you out, seeing that he was truly trying to beat Jungkook with all he had. Once Jungkook beat both of you, he leaned on you and that was the last straw for Taehyung.
“Can you get off my girlfriend/boyfriend and stop being such a confident little—” “What?”
JEONGGUK || JUNGKOOK
— When Jungkook got home from a gym session to find you and Yoongi cuddling on the couch asleep while a movie played in the background, he couldn’t help but feel angry. After all, you went over to the dorms to spend time with him, and now you were cuddling with his best friend. The thought about him being at the gym instead of being home didn’t cross his mind, or that you had known Yoongi your entire life. He simply walked over to the two of you, his eyebrows furrowed, and threw Yoongi’s arm off of your shoulders. You both woke up then, and Yoongi didn’t care, but you instantly felt mad that he would do that when he ditched you. Jungkook scooped you up in his arms, and that’s when Yoongi chuckled.
“If you were jealous of me hanging out with your girlfriend/boyfriend, then you could have just told me, Kook.”
Y/N: Late night angst strikes again! I thought about this song and story all day at work. I’m still working on my multiple series, but needed a little change of pace. I’ve also been missing Steve lately. I was reminded of Chris Evans’ advice about his noisy brain so I included that. This got a lot darker than I anticipated. I have no idea how it’ll be received, so let me know your thoughts. I adore you all!! <3
Wincing at the unusually loud noise, you exited the elevator and tiptoed barefoot down the hallway toward your room. Rounding the corner, you placed a hand to the side of your head, hoping the incessant pounding would subside soon. You snuck forward quietly, high heels dangled from your other hand with a clutch purse wedged under your arm. At least you remembered to grab your purse this time.
“Have a nice time last night?”
You cringed. Only ten feet away from your room, you heard the one voice you hoped not the hear coming from the one man you were avoiding. Straightening up from your sneaking position, you slowly turned toward the voice.
Inspired by the song “Don’t You Remember” by Adele. This is angsty so prepare ur heart.
I hope you guys enjoy!
Summary: Going through a rough patch with Harry actually resulted in something you didn’t expect.
When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said
No final kiss to seal anything
I had no idea of the state we were in
You sat eating your dinner alone and in despair. You fed yourself another spoonful but your eyes were on Harry who sat on the couch in your living room. You’ve been eating dinner by yourself a lot lately. As a matter of fact, the past entire month has been done with you doing things by yourself.
When you and Harry would have work stuff to do at home, the two of you would work together. Your legs laying across his with the both of you glued to your laptops. When you found a new recipe that you wanted to try, Harry was more than willing to cook with you. The two of you would help each other doing chores – dishes, laundry, cleaning. And occasionally, you guys would shower together because in Harry’s defense, “babe we’re saving water this way.”
summary: montgomery de la cruz, a well-known student in liberty high. he hung with the popular crowd, got into very many fights and was seen with a different girl every week. long story short, he was a total dick. well, that was the case until she came into his life.
word count: 1562 words
a/n: this is based off the song the break up by lany which i have been listening to for weeks. i’ve been having a lot of monty feels lately too so i was inspired to write this. i put a lot of effort into this, i hope you guys like it. also, i recommend listening to the song while reading
Jumping heart to heart, and it’s starting to wear me down “He’s a total dick” is my reputation around town
“Alright, I’ll see you around babe.” Monty winked at the blonde. He couldn’t even recall her name. But there he was, leading her on, making her think there was something between them. She was simply a good fuck, a girl he hooked up with last night.
“I’ll see you around babe,” A voice mocked from behind. Monty turned around and found a snickering Bryce. “Damn Monty, who was that?”
“Hey man,” He scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t even remember her name.”
“You’re a fucking playboy. That’s what you are!” Bryce howled, giving him a pat on the back.
They got a pretty face, but they got a pretty empty head And I want to stick around but damn I’m bored
Monty was currently on a date with the blonde from last week. He asked her out just so he could get out of the house during the weekend. Although deep inside, he was hoping that maybe, just maybe, his brain would flip a switch and view her as more than a something he could play with. Love perhaps. Monty was human; all he wanted was to find love like everyone else.
“What do you think, Monty?” The blonde asked.
He quickly snapped out of his thoughts. “Um no?” He answered, not even having the slightest clue of what she was talking about.
“You’re not even listening to me! I asked if you preferred pizza or salad.” She huffed in irritation. He shrugged in response, obviously not having a care in the world.
“I’m getting out of here. Call me when you actually want to listen to me.” She stood up from the booth and sashayed away. He sighed and leaned back on his seat.
He made up his mind. He definitely did not like her. Sure, she was drop dead gorgeous and her attitude was somewhat tolerable but it just wasn’t working out for him.
Monty looked around the place and spotted a girl. He identified her as Y/N Y/L/N; he knew she went to Liberty High as well. He watched her carefully, she seemed to be enjoying her meal, shoveling curly fries into her mouth and he weirdly found that cute. Then and there, the switch he oh-so-wanted to flip… actually flipped. He was inexplicably drawn to her.
“Here goes nothing.” He mumbled to himself and before heading over to her table.
How the hell do you stay in love You’re at dinner looking down playing with your knife and fork
Friday was date night for Y/N and Monty. She felt like their relationship lacked something lately so she wanted it to be perfect, already planning it a week before. She was going to cook his favorite meal and then catch a movie at The Crestmont after.
An hour passed and there was still no sign of him. Y/N sighed in frustration. The food was getting cold and they were already twenty minutes late to the movie. She grabbed her phone from the counter and sent him a quick text.
where are you? you said you’d be here at 6
Just as she was about to press call, Monty walked through the door.
“Hey babe,” He walked over to her giving her a peck on the cheek. “The food looks great.”
Y/N glared daggers at him. “Where were you? I was starting to get worried!”
“Relax. I was with Justin and Zach. We went to grab some beers after school.” He responded nonchalantly.
Anger coursed through her veins. “You blew me off for them? We had plans, de la Cruz.” She detached herself from his grip and headed for the door.
Another day, another argument. He was sick of it. “You’re always breathing down my neck, Y/N!” Monty bellowed from behind her.
Arguments weren’t new to their relationship. Y/N and Monty would argue every once in a while but recently it became more frequent. He complained on how she bitched about his actions all the time and how he felt like he wasn’t doing anything right. In her defense, she was just looking out for him. She didn’t want him to get hurt. More importantly, she was afraid of him going back to his old ways.
She stopped in her tracks and faced him. “Since when is it such a crime to look out for my boyfriend?”
“You call that looking out for me?” He gave her a sharp look and chuckled angrily. “It’s called being a-”
“Listen Monty,” She cut him off, voice stern. “I don’t want to hear it.” He opened his mouth to say something but shut it just as fast.
Y/N stared at the floor as minutes of agonizing silence passed. She could feel the heavy tension and she hated it. She couldn’t help but think this was going to be the end of their relationship. The thought of that possibility made her physically sick. She couldn’t lose him. She loved this boy with her all, she couldn’t give him up just like that.
Monty tugged at the ends of his hair and sighed. “I don’t want this anymore, Y/N. I want to be alone.“
Y/N felt like everything was crashing down on her. She swallowed hard, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. “Fine,” She seethed. “Just leave.”
You think you wanna be alone Just wait until you’re crying on the shower floor It hits you in the chest, ‘bout every day you’re done Cause once you let it go you better know its gone
Monty tried to contact Y/N at least a few times after that night. She didn’t bother returning any of his calls or texts. He tried talking to her at school but she did a good job at avoiding him. She was absolutely dejected and she hated it. She hated how broken she was.
“Y/N, wait up!” Zach jogged over, stopping in front of her.
She bit her lip in unease. “This better be important. I’m almost late for class.”
“Well, uh listen, you gotta talk to Monty,” She scoffed at his words before letting him continue. “You guys need to sort this out. He hasn’t been doing well lately.”
She snapped at the mention of Monty. “And you think I am? Sorry to be rude but I see that this conversation isn’t important. I should get going.” She stormed away leaving Zach dumbfounded.
Just like Y/N, Monty was drowning in the ocean of heartbreak and regret. He felt broken too. He was always over at Bryce’s, getting drunk and wallowing in sadness. When he threw those last words at her that night, he immediately regretted it. All the anger and pain from their arguments the past few days, got to him and he took it out on her. It was all in the heat of the moment. He didn’t just want her back, he needed her back, but he knew that was near to impossible.
It’s never the same, uh, yeah, after the breakup It’s never the same, love, don’t try to make up
Monty stepped out of the car and headed towards the front door of Y/N’s house. It’s been almost three weeks since their break up and Y/N finally agreed to his request of talking things out.
To say he was nervous was an understatement. He ran his hands through his hair, trying to calm himself down before ringing the doorbell. A few seconds passed before the door opened, revealing Y/N. He stared at her in awe. She looked better than ever, its almost as if his absence hadn’t affected her. In fact, she looked happier.
“You can, uh, come in.” She mumbled awkwardly before opening the door fully, letting him in.
He took a seat on the end of the couch and Y/N walked over and sat on the other end, she wanted to be as far away as possible from him.
“Y/N,” He looked at her, sincerity evident in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I shouldn’t have blown you off for Justin and Zach when it was our special day. For fuck’s sake, what was I thinking? I would pick my girlfriend over anything else. I should have been there. I’m sorry for ignoring all your effort and making you feel unimportant. I was so insensitive to your feelings. Y/N, letting you go was my biggest mistake. Please let me make it up to you, take me back.”
“Ex girlfriend,” She corrected rather harshly. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose before speaking again. “I had a lot of time to think about us and honestly, Monty, you’re right. I don’t think this will work out. Plus, I’m not gonna allow myself to be treated like shit again.” He could feel his heart shatter as she spoke.
She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry but I think breaking up is for the best.” He simply nodded at her, too upset to come up with a response.
They stood at the doorway, saying their goodbyes. He looked at her for the last time and in that moment, it dawned upon him, that he, Montgomery de la Cruz had lost the girl he loved for good.
Warning: None (unless you’re not feeling particularly angsty and fluffy today)
Author’s note: Here’s an angsty + fluffy Shawn piece no one asked for. Inspired by the song Long Night by With Confidence and Shawn looking fine AF at the airport recently (How dare he, right?!)
One week. It isn’t the longest you’ve been away from each
other but it might as well have been with how you left things. To be honest,
you weren’t sure if there were things to still come back to. There were tears,
screams, and slammed doors. You don’t even remember what the fight was about
now. You were tired, Shawn was exhausted.
You both said hurtful things you didn’t mean. But they didn’t
hurt you really. You were together long enough to know he didn’t mean them. But
what killed you was the radio silence. To be fair, you didn’t attempt to reach
out, too. You were afraid to say more things you didn’t mean or hear him speak
some truth you weren’t ready to accept—like saying he couldn’t do this anymore
with you. You were trying to postpone a breakup that may or may not have
a/n: inspired by too good at goodbyes by sam smith. this is such an incredible song, and i highly recommend listening to it if you haven’t already. i’m actually kinda proud of this, so i hope you guys love it just as much as i loved writing it
warning: this is 2,960 words of 110% angst, you’ve been warned. the ending’s kinda shitty so beware of that too lmaoo
Things haven’t been the same between you and Shawn lately; you wish you had another reason to blame, but you knew the only person at fault was you. The two of you had been dating four nine months now, and although Shawn never rushed you into the relationship, both of you knew that the relationship was stuck at a dead end.
It wasn’t Shawn’s fault though – in fact, if it weren’t for his persistence, you don’t know where the two of you would stand today. Not only was he extremely patient with you knowing how fragile your heart had become from your past relationships that didn’t work out, but he also fought for the the two of you. He’d be on the other side of the world, yet his thoughts would only be on you. Even at 3am in the morning after a show, Shawn’s mind would make him pick up his phone and press on your contact to tell you how the concert went. He’d always buy you a small gift from every place he stopped by on tour, and always made an effort to see you as much as possible. You insisted that having Shawn as your boyfriend was all you needed and the amount of gifts he spoiled you with was unnecessary, but you eventually gave up protesting. You hated throwing the word around, but Shawn truly was a perfect boyfriend to you.
You must think that I’m stupid You must think that I’m a fool You must think that I’m new to this But I have seen this all before
You weren’t sure when it had happened, but everything was quick to fall out. You weren’t going to lie – you were beyond scared of being so in love with someone, but you were even more scared of having your heart broken. Your past relationships always left you hurt, and you weren’t sure if you could take another hit.
Summary: You and Ethan have been dating for a year now, and in the beginning everything was going great. During your relationshipt with Ethan you started suffering with memory loss. Which eventually became early age dementia. In the beginning it was fine, but as the months went by it got worst and worst. To the point where now you don’t remember anything. All your memories with your boyfriend all gone. You don’t even remember his name, and when you see him he’s nothing but a complete stranger to you.
Warnings: Talks about memory loss.
A/N: I drew inspiration from Jhene Aiko’s music video for the song While We’re Young. (It’s just based on the music video, NOT the song!) Of course I put my own spin to it, and changed it up a bit so it’s not exacty the same, but the inspiration behind this did come from that video, so I hope you guys enjoy! <3
* * This isn’t edited so it probably has like a shit ton of errors, but I’ll go back to edit tomorrow! * *
Y/N and I have been together for a year now, and meeting her was probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I love her so much, and I know she loves me, but lately it’s just been so hard. After about 4 to 5 months of dating I noticed that Y/N was starting to become very forgetful. It was just small minor things, like locking the doors before we left the house, turning off the light, and forgetting where she left her belongings. But those small minor things became big things. One day, before leaving for work Y/N forgot to turn the stove off, and if I wasn’t home that day, our apartment would’ve caught on fire. I was starting to worry, so I started doing some research online, and I had a feeling that maybe Y/N could be suffering from memory loss. Although she was still able to remember the people around her, and stuff, she was showing signs of the beginning stages of memory loss.
I ended up finding a neurologist here in LA, and I decided to take Y/N to see him. She protested at first, but after almost burning the apartment down a second time, she finally agreed to see him. After about 2 visits with him we found out that Y/N was indeed suffering from memory loss, and in time it would lead to dementia. A disease that makes you lose all your memory. Sure there were ways to help her, and I’ve tried every way possible, but within the past 7 months her memory just keeps getting worst. Now it’s at the point where she doesn’t even remember me. She doesn’t even know my name or who I am.
But I refuse to give up on her, she’s going to remember again one day, and I’ll stop at nothing to help her.
* present day *
I was woken up out of my sleep by Y/N’s scream.
“Baby what’s wro-” I tried to ask her what was wrong, but I was cut off by her hitting me with one of the pillows, as she was standing up on the bed.
“Who are you and why are you in my house?” she asked, as she continued to hit me with the pillow.
“Ow! Baby stop it’s me!” I managed to grab the pillow from her, which caused her to jump off the bed, and back up into the corner of the room, afraid.
“Y/N, it’s me Ethan!” I said, slowly walking towards her, but before I could get close, she darted off across the room, grabbing the flower vase off the dresser, and held it above her head getting ready to throw it. I raised both my arms above my head, in a surrendering motion, letting her know that I wasn’t going to do anything to her.
“Don’t come any closer! Who are you?” she asked. Her voice was shaky. She really thought I was some stranger who just crawled into her bed in the middle of the night. If only she could remember that this was our house, and this our room, and that I’m her boyfriend. Suddenly I remembered that there were pictures of us on our nightstand, and I ran over to grab them.
“Y/N look! See baby that’s us! That’s me! I’m not a stranger. I won’t hurt you! Please put the vase down!” I said, showing her the pictures. I placed them down on the bed, so she can look at them herself. She slowly walked towards the edge of the bed where the pictures were, and picked them up looking at them so intensely as if she was trying to analyze the pictures, and trying to remember.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t remember. I don’t remember who you are.” she said, with tears forming in her eyes. I tried to walk up to her, and embrace her in my arms, but as soon I took a step forward, she took two back.
This is usually how most mornings starts off. She wakes up, screams bloody murder because she has no idea who I am, and what I’m doing in our bed. After almost an hour of trying to stop her from either hitting me or throwing things at me, I find a way to calm her down, but making her look at pictures of us to let her know that we know each other. But I must say today was a little better then yesterday when she tried to stab me with a pair of scissors, and when she realized she couldn’t she started throwing them. So being hit with a pillow wasn’t so bad.
Some days I don’t even get to wake up in bed next to her. Some days are great, and after getting her to calm down, and showing her a few pictures, she starts to relax, and she’ll remember me all day long, until something just snaps in her, and she goes back forgetting who I am, and starts freaking out so much, that I can’t even try to reason with her, so I just end up going to the warehouse, or to Grayson’s apartment and stay there. Some days, she’ll remember me for an hur or so, and then it just starts all over again. Some days, I can’t even walk into my own apartment without her chasing me out the front door with some kind of object, thinking I’m a bugler or kidnapper. Some days are just complete hell, and it’s impossible to try to get her to understand, or reason with her.
But I’ll never give up.
* * * *
I got out the shower, and Y/N was still sitting on the bed, still staring at the pictures in her hand. She looked so beautiful. Confused, but still beautiful in every way. I tell her everyday, but I know she doesn’t remember. She doesn’t remember anything I tell her. Not even all the I love yous.
She didn’t notice I was in the room until, I headed over to the closet door. Her head shot up, and she stared at me, and shot me a slight smile.
“You smell good.” she said with a smile.
“Thanks. You picked out the soap for me.” I said laughing. I knew she wouldn’t remember, but every chance I get I remind her of the things she use to do.
“Well I guess I did a good job.” she said chuckling awkwardly. Even though we’re a couple, and we’ve known each other for years, it feels like I’m getting to know someone new everyday. It’s like knowing someone, but not knowing them at the same time.
Which makes absolutely no sense at all.
“Are you my boyfriend?” she asked randomly, causing me to look up at her. She was staring at the pictures again.
“Yeah, I am. I’m Ethan, your boyfriend.” I told her, as I was putting on some clothes. She didn’t say anything, she just kept her focus on the picture, squinting her eyes a little, as she ran her finger over the glass of the picture frame. I finished getting dressed, and grabbed my backpack, and my camera. Grayson and I needed to film at the warehouse today. It’s been a while since I filmed a video. It’s been just Grayson making videos for the pass few months while I was dealing all the stuff happening with Y/N. Thankfully the fans understood, and didn’t get mad about me not filming with Grayson. They were actually very supportive, and they tweet her constantly, sending her pictures, and video edits of us. Hopefully she’ll be able to get back onto her social medias, and see them one day.
“I have to go over to Grayson’s for a little bit, but I’ll see you later.” I said.
“Who’s Grayson?” she asked, furrowing her eyebrows.
“Grayson’s my twin brother, and your best friend. He was the guy that gave you that stuffed animal over there.” I said, pointing to the big plush unicorn that Grayson got her for her birthday last year.
“He’s that guy with the dangly wing earring in that picture.” I said, pointing to the picture collage of the three of us on the wall.
“He looks like you. Are you guys twins or something?” she asked, obviously not remembering that I just told her he was my twin brother. I had to repeat stuff to Y/N multiple times, and even though I hated repeating myself to Grayson, or anyone for that matter, in this case with Y/N I didn’t mind.
I tilt my head, and tried to give her a kiss on the lips, but she pulled back. I let out a sigh of frustration, not remembering the last time I was able to actually kiss her. I bent down a placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
“I love you.” I said, as I pulled away, but she just stared at me, then down to the ground. It hurts knowing the person you love doesn’t know that you love them, and doesn’t know that they love you just as much. They can’t say it back because they have no idea of their feelings for you. I said goodbye to Y/N and started heading out our apartment, and started making my way to my car, and on my way to the warehouse.
“And we’ll see you guys before next Tuesday! PEACE!” Grayson and I yelled into the camera. We just finished filming a challenge video for Tuesday, and it felt really good to record again. I missed it. I miss being goofy with my twin brother. I miss interacting with or fans online, but I’m very grateful that they understand and aren’t upset with me.
“They’re going to love this video bro!” Grayson said, as he was shutting off the camera. And I agree, we made a complete ass out of ourselves in this video of course they were going to love it.
“How’s Y/N been doing? Any better?” Grayson asked plopping down on the couch next to me.
“She’s good I guess. You know same ole same ole. Some days are better then others, and some days are just complete hell. But I’m trying bro, I really am.” I vented to my brother. He’s been pretty supportive through this whole thing. He comes sees Y/N time to time, but of course she doesn’t remember. I know it’s hard on him too, knowing that his best friend doesn’t even know who he is.
“She’s going to get better E. We just have to be patient. I know you want her to remember, and I do too, but we can’t just make her remember. It just has to come to her. You know?” Grayson said, and I knew what he meant. I understood, but it’s just so frustrating. I miss her so much. I miss holding her, I miss kissing her. I just fucking miss her. I know it’s silly to say I miss her even though she’s still here. But even though she’s here with me physically, she’s not here with me mentally or emotionally. I’m just a stranger to her. I didn’t realize I was crying, until I saw a drop of water fall down onto my phone screen.
I used my shirt to wipe my tears away, and I decided I’d check on Y/N using the home security device I set up. I was able to check each room in the apartment, and see what she was doing. I installed the security cameras around the time Y/N started to lose her memory and would leave the stove on. I wanted to make sure everything was ok when I’m not there, and that she wasn’t doing anything that could hurt her. I checked every room in the apartment so far, and there was no sign of her. I figured she was in the bedroom sleeping, but when I checked she wasn’t there either. I tapped through each of the rooms one more time to double check, and I noticed that something in camera 1, which was the living room and the front door. I zoomed in a little, and saw that the front door was wide open.
Where the hell did she go?
“GRAAAYSON!” I shouted out for my twin brother. I got up from the couch, and frantically started searching for my car keys.
“What’s wrong E?” Grayson said, running into the room.
“Y/N gone.” I said, running my hand through the front of my hair.
“What do you mean she’s gone? Isn’t she at the apartment?” he asked confused.
“I thought she was, but when I checked the security cameras she wasn’t there, and the front door was left wide open.”
“Fuck!” Grayson cursed, running his hands through his hair. I’m sure he was just as worried as I was right now.
“Wait! Remember we set up the find my iphone app on her phone. Try finding her with that!” Grayson said. He was right, we did set up the find my iphone app for her. I opened up the app, and logged in with her iCloud info, and waited for the app to locate where she was. The app pulled up the address of the place, and Grayson typed it into the GPS in his phone. Turns out it was the fro-yo place the three of us always use to go to. I found my keys, and we quickly got into my car, and immediately took off to the fro-yo place.
As I was driving, Grayson called up Kalia. One of his that works there and made sure that Y/N was there. And she was. She was pretty close with Grayson and I so she knew about the situation going on with Y/N. Grayson told her to keep an eye on Y/N and make sure she doesn’t go anywhere. We pulled up to the fro-yo shop, and quickly made out way inside. Once inside my eyes immediately found my girlfriend. Ironically she was sitting in the booth that the three of us always sat in every time we came here.
“Hey guys!” Kalia said walking towards us.
“Hey!” Grayson and I said in unison, and each took turns giving her a hug.
“She came in and ordered the same thing E always gets, and just sat down and started drawing. She hasn’t moved from that spot since.” Kalia informed us.
She remembers my fro-yo order? Every time I come here, I always order for her, and I always get her the same thing I get just with extra strawberries, because they were her favorite fruit. I couldn’t help but smile a little bit at the fact that she was sitting in our usual booth, and ordered our usual order. Maybe deep down she does remember, she just doesn’t know she does.
I knew that she wasn’t going to remember me, so I was probably going to have to introduce myself all over again. Grayson and I decided that I would go up and talk to her, and made sure she got a little comfortable, before Grayson comes on over to see her. It’d probably confuse her even more if we just both walked up to her at the same time.
I walked up to the table, andI couldn’t help but smile really big. She looked so cute and peaceful drawing in her little notebook. She was always into drawing.
“Hey!” I said, as I approached the table.
“Hey.” Y/N responded back to me with a smile on her face. She’s smiling, so that’s a good sign.
“I’m Ethan. Nice to meet you.” I said holding out my hand hoping she’ll grab it and shake it.
“I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you too.” she said as she grabbed my hand and shaked it slowly. The instant she grabbed my hand, I felt a small static shock between out fingers. I held on to her hand, remembering how small her hand was compared to mine, but yet they still fit together perfectly.
“Are you okay?” Y/N’s voice broke me out of my thoughts.
“Uh yeah! What are you drawing?” I asked, looking down at her little sketch book.
“Just faces of people and things I see in my dreams.” she said, as she continued to draw into her sketch book. Just then Grayson walked up behind me.
“Hello!” Grayson cheered. Sounding rather creepy.
“Hey…Woah!” Y/N said when she looked up at the both of us. Grayson and I couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction. It was the same reaction she had when she first met us.
“Are you guys twins?” Y/N asked looking back and forth at the both of us.
“Yeah we are!” Gray, and I said at the same time causing Y/N to laugh. A sound that I loved so much. Her laugh was so contagious you couldn’t help but laugh with her.
“Y/N this is my twin brother Grayson. And Grayson this is Y/N.” I said, and they shook each others hands.
We sat down and talked to Y/N for minute, making sure she was comfortable with us, before I offered to take her home. Which was our home, but of course she doesn’t know that.
* * * *
“So Y/N, do you live far? We can give you a ride home.” I said. Y/N and I’s apartment was only a few blocks away, but I didn’t want her to walk. So I was hoping she’d say yes, and that would give us an excuse to be together longer.
“I live a few blocks away, but I can use the ride.” she answered, and I smiled like an idiot. Grayson nudged my shoulder and gave me a look telling me to calm down a bit.
Y/N grabbed her things off the table, and the three of us made our way to my car. Grayson offered to let Y/N to sit in the front seat,
“Nice car!” she said as we approached my BMW.
“Thanks.” I said, unlocking the door, and opening the passenger door for her.
She smiled at me, and climbed in buckling up her seat belt. I got in the car, and pulled out of the parking lot and towards our apartment. Y/N rolled down her window, and the wind was blowing through her hair. She does the same thing she use to do whenever we went driving around somewhere. She always loved to have the windows down. The wind would blow her hair in all different kinds of directions but she didn’t care. She loved how it felt when the cool LA breeze hits her face. I pulled up to the parking garage of our apartment and parked in my usual parking spot. I’m not sure what was wrong but Y/N shot me a worried look.
“How did you know how to get here? I didn’t give you any directions! Fucking stalker!” Y/N yelled as she hurried out the car, slamming the car door.
“Good job, assclown.” Grayson sassed from the backseat.
“Well excuse me for not asking for directions to my own apartment. I forgot. I should’ve played that off better. Fuck!” I cursed, punching the steering wheel.
This is so frustrating. I love Y/N I really do. And I would never want to give up on her, but I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take. It was starting to weigh on me.
“What’s that?” Grayson asked pointing at the sketch book that Y/N left in the front seat.
“It’s Y/N’s sketch book. She was drawing in it at the fro-yo place.” I said grabbing it and quickly skimming the pages when I saw something that caught my attention. I flipped the book open to the page, and looked at the picture. It was a sketch of a face. A face that kind of looked like mine. I flipped through a few more pages and saw the same face just with different facial expressions. I flipped through it some more and saw a sketch of what looked like Grayson and I.
It was Grayson and I.
“No way!” not realizing I said that outloud.
“What is it?” Grayson asked leading up from his seat to look at what I was looking at.
“Holy shit! Is that us?” he asked, grabbing the book from me.
“I think so. It looks exactly like us.” I said.
“She said she draws faces that she sees in her dreams.” I said, remembering what she told me back at the fro-yo shop.
“So that means she dreams about us.” Grayson said, flipping through the pages of the book.
“No Gray. They’re memories! But she doesn’t realize it. That’s why she thinks they’re dreams!” I said, sounding a little bit excited.
“I think I know how to get her to remember more!” I said, reaching into the back seat to grab my laptop. I quickly connected my laptop to my apartment hot spot, and pulled up a video, I had made for Y/N.
Before Y/N started losing her memory every time we went out or even if we were just laying around at from, we would always record funny videos on our phone, or snapchat. After Y/N started losing her memory, I began to filmed everything we did. Every date we went on I recorded, every car ride, every moment we spent together I recorded. Even once she started to completely forget who I was, and who everyone around her was, I still recorded. All the moments of having to reintroduce myself to her, and getting to know her all over again, I recorded it all. I ended up combining all of those footages, and make into a short little movie. And now is the perfect time to show her. She was seeing her memories in her dreams, so maybe this video can trigger some more memories, and who knows maybe I can get my girlfriend back.
* * * *
I told Grayson I’d talk to Y/N and let him knows what happens. He drove back to the warehouse, and I started making my way up to my apartment.
I knocked on the door a few times but no answer. As I raised my hand to knock again, Y/N opened the door, and immediately shuts it after seeming me. I guess she still thinks I’m the stalker that took her home.
“Y/N, look I know you probably think I’m some kind of stalker or something but I’m not. I promise.” I said leaning against the door.
“I don’t believe you.” she shouted back from the other side. I can’t lie, it hurt a little bit hearing her say she doesn’t believe me. I’ve never done anything for her to not trust me. But then again she doesn’t know that. She just thinks I’m so creepy stalker guy right now.
“Y/N please! You have to trust me. Go into your bedroom, and look at the pictures on the wall. It’s me. I live here. We live here. Together!” I said hoping she’d believe me this time. I waited for a few minutes and still no response from her. Suddenly the door opened, and Y/N was standing there with a picture of us in her hand.
“That’s you.” she said looking at the picture and pointing at me.
“Yes it is. It’s me Ethan.” I said repeating my name again for like the 10th time today.
She doesn’t say anything, she just nods her head, and pushes the door open allowing me to step inside.
I walked over to the living room, and sat down on the couch, opening up my laptop.
“I want to show you something.” I said referring to the video.
“Ok…” was all she said, as she slowly made her way over to the couch. She sat down beside me and stared at the laptop screen.
I played the video, and immediately she was able to recognize herself. Which wasn’t a surprise. She knows who she is, it’s just everything else around her she doesn’t know. The video started off with me laying down in our bed talking to the camera.
“You’re probably wondering why I’m making this video, and well let’s just call this our memory vlog. I don’t know if you remember, but about 4 to 5 months into our relationship, you started suffering from memory loss. And you know it started off with the simple things, but gradually over time it became more serious things. 7 months ago the doctor confirmed that you have what was called early age dementia. And over the course of those 7 months your memory has been completely falling apart. You don’t remember who I am anymore. You don’t remember anything. The only thing you do seem to remember is who you are and your name. Which is good… Um I made this video to hopefully jog back some of your memories and maybe certain things can click back into your mind. Throughout our relationship we’ve recorded countless videos of us doing random crazy shit. To going on dates, pranking each other. There’s even some other people in this video as well. Like for instance Grayson. Who happens to be my twin brother and your best friend. Along with a few of your friends, and even your parents… Y/N we all love you, and we miss you very much…” my voice started to fade out and the first video popped up. It was a video of us playing hide and seek at the warehouse. The clip was of you running around the warehouse looking for me. The video continued you on to many other videos of us, and to videos of Grayson, your friends, and even if your parents sharing a few stories. It was now the end of the video, and it was just a slide show with pictures of us and you’re favorite song Thinking Bout You by Ariana Grande was playing in the background.
The video ended, and you looked up at me, with tears forming in your eyes.
“What was she like?” Y/N asked. I was confused for a second on who she was talking about, but I then I realized she was referring to herself.
* * * *
“Well her name is Y/N and she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. Beautiful inside and out. She has the cutest laugh, and every time she smiles you can’t help but smile yourself. Her voice was my favorite sound in the entire world. Her favorite color was purple, and her favorite food was pineapple pizza like mine. She loved candles and would always light them around the apartment, making the whole place smell like vanilla, or cinnamon all the time. She also had a bit of a smart mouth and isn’t afraid to let me have it every once in a while. I don’t mind though because it was always kind of hot whenever she got annoyed and mad with me.” I laugh a little before continuing to talk again.
“She use to film videos with me & my twin brother all the time. And everyone loved her. I mean how could you not love her. She was so sweet, so caring, so genuine. She knew how to turn my bad days into good days, and she would make me laugh without even trying. She was perfect. Even though she hated when I said that, but it was true. In my eyes she was perfect. She was perfect for me, and no one will ever be able to take her place.” I finished, and I could feel the lump in my throats starting to form. I didn’t want to cry, especially not in front of Y/N but I couldn’t help it.
“She sounds like an amazing girl…”
“You are. You’re more then amazing babygirl! You’re that girl Y/N! Don’t you know that?” I asked. My voice was a little louder this time, and I was starting to get a bit frustrated. She seriously doesn’t even know who she is now.
“I’m sorry. I just… I don’t think I’m that girl you’re talking about.” she said, totally unaware of who she even is.
“Yes you are! Don’t you remember? Why can’t you just fucking remember?” I was particularly yelling at this point, and I notice Y/N jumped a little bit, and I instantly regret raising my voice.
I took a deep breath before talking again.
“Do you know how hard it is waking up to your girlfriend screaming at you because she thinks her own boyfriend is a fucking murder or something who snuck into his own home? Do you know how bad it sucks to have to reintroduce yourself to your own girlfriend everyday? Do you know how it feels to look at the person you love most everyday, & they haven’t the slightest clue as to who the hell you are?”
“I can only imagine…”
“It sucks! But I’m not giving up on you Y/N. I’ll remind you everyday if I have to. I’ll tell you you’re beautiful everyday. And I’ll tell you I love you every second of the day until you remember. I’ll do whatever as long as it means you remember. Even if it’s just for that moment! I want you to remember Y/N. Can you try to remember for me babygirl?”
“I-I don’t know…” she shuttered.
“You do know. You just don’t realize it. You’re starting to remember. You just need to try a little bit harder. I promise you can do it baby. Just try.” I said, taking her hand in mind, and for the first time in months she didn’t flinch or pull away.
But I guess I spoke too soon because, she pulled her hands away, and shook her head at me.
“I’m sorry. I-I want to remember. I really do, but I just can’t. I’m really sorry.” she said, fiddling with her fingers.
“No. Don’t be sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed. I guess I just got my own hopes up…” I said, turning on my heel, and started heading out of the bedroom. Then I heard something that stopped me dead in my tracks.
“Ethan…?” I heard Y/N’s soft angelic voice call from behind me.
I never thought I’d be excited to hear my name being called until now.
“Yes Y/N! It’s me! It’s Ethan. Your boyfriend!” I said, tucking a few strands of loose hairs behind her ear. Her eyes stayed locked on mine, and I rested my forehead on hers. I slowley closed the distance in between out faces, and connected my lips onto hers, and a familiar intense wave of passion and pleasure through my whole body.
“Do you remember?” I asked, after pulling away from our kiss. I cupped the sides of her cheeks softly as my eyes roamed hers.
“I-I think so…” she said, staring at me. Our eyes locked on each other, and for the first time in a long time, I can see the sparkle in her eyes, which gave me some hope. Hope that she can overcome all of this, and start remembering again. It won’t happen over night, but we can work on it, and get through it together. My girlfriend remembers my name. She remembers me.
A/N: so I’ve been obsessed with Sam Smith’s song, Too Good At Goodbyes lately. And it’s inspired me to write something angsty. I am a sucker for angst, so I hope you like it. I’ll be writing something for Ty soon, I promise. It’s just hard as they’re on hiatus. So please stick with me. I really do appreciate all of your support. It means the world to me. The italics will either mean it’s the future or the past, or a phone call or text! Please keep that in mind as you’re reading.