i wish you'd write a fic about those tweets where bitty says he's now contractually obligated to send morning selfies (imagine if he has to send them even if he's in providence but he woke up and jack left for his run)
1. You sent this 7 months ago. So… oops. My bad. (*jean ralphio voice* this is how I handle Prooo-oompts)
2. The literal only thing my angst brain can come up with is: later in life Jack either gets hurt during a game or is in a car accident or something and falls into a coma.
I’m not going to write this but it is sad. It is angsty. The whole fic would be about how the boys come back together to support Bitty during this whole thing. IDK. I don’t want to write it because too much sadness. There are chapters where Alicia sits next to his bedside and hates that he looks just like he did when he– and sobs and Bob comes in to hold her and then they both try to put on brave faces for Bitty when he comes in but he is too numb to even notice them and doesn’t look over. Shitty remains strong, strong, strong, of course he’ll make it through, my boy Jack, i’m not worried at all, just taking his sweet time, don’t worry ill pick up food, bitty ill drive you home, i can handle all of it, dont worry about a thing, who needs coffee?, ill keep just talking to jack like he’s there, he’s gonna wake up any second, no doubt, but then like fucking breaks down at some point and Bitty ends up holding him for a while and the two just fucking lose it and good LORD i’ve got to stop what the fuck is my brain doing. ANYWAY.
BUT THEN!!! Jack wakes up. A bit groggy at first. But his whole family– Bitty, his parents, Shitty, all the boys and Lardo– are around him and, hell, he’s on painkillers, he doesn’t know how horrifying this was so Jack wakes up and he’s a little high and he knows Bitty was scared but he’s Jack Zimmermann and he will chirp when he wants to chirp so–
“How long was I out?” he asks. To be honest, he is expecting the number to be in hours.
“Don’t worry about that now, man,” Shitty says, weeping. “You’re alright. That’s what matters.”
“Mhmm,” Jack says. He is feeling pretty good. “But how long?”
There are exchanged glances and this is Jack’s first time being awake for longer than a few minutes but finally–
“Dude, you’ve been out for 9 days, sleeping beauty,” Lardo finally says. “Really being a drama queen.”
Jack blinks. That is… well that is concerning. But then he looks over and sees that Bitty looks like he’s about to start crying again and his eyes are already red and swollen so Jack doesn’t want that. He wants–
“Swawesome,” he says, just to make his team relax a little. Then smiles at Bitty. “Nine selfies for me.”
And Bitty bursts into laughter and also tears because he had kept sending them. Every morning. Even though it was terrible and he looked terrible and it was so hard but he couldn’t stop, not when Jack expected one every morning and if he stopped, it meant Jack wasn’t coming back and so he had sent them. Every morning. Even though Jack’s phone was out of battery and no one had thought to bother to plug it in.
Jack is fading now. He can feel it and Bitty is sort of crying and flailing like he wants to hit him.
“Dirty,” Jack manages. “I hope they’re dirty.”
“You asshole,” Bitty says, grinning and his light slap to Jack’s arm is the last thing Jack feels as he drifts off to sleep.
He’s not worried though. Bitty and his selfies will be there when he wakes up.
I had too much banana milk and I saw this amazing picture of this 80s guy wearing a shirt with this text and holding a cockatoo and all I could think of was maglor… in whatever universe, to me, maglor would be this… the luxury chemise guy
IM GOING TO KEEP POKING YOU ABOUT AUTISTIC NESTA BC THOSE HEADCANONS WERE A M A Z I N G AND IM OBSESSED WITH THIS!!!!! Can you talk about autistic Nesta in the context of nessian though please bc I would love to hear your thoughts!!
Of course I can, friend! ^_^ This will be a weird blend of like…meta and headcanons it’s just a little stream of thoughts, basically?
Okay first thing that I love especially in the context of this is the differences, socially, between Cassian and Nesta? (And also the ironies that come with this and how they were raised but I’ll get to that in a second.) I just..Love the gender role reversal for a start?
Women tend to be the ones who are expected to have more social skills and be good at performing emotional labour in relationships. Men are typically allowed more leeway and it’s expected that they won’t be as good at reading other people and are generally seen as less compassionate and what have you.
This, very obviously, gets flipped on its head when it comes to Nessian. Nesta is uncomfortable in social situations, prefers to be on her own, and when she is around people she can come off as a little…acerbic, sometimes. Like she loves them but dear god she does not have the patience to be around them all the time. Cassian on the other hand, is the picture of social intelligence. He’s described repeatedly as being deeply compassionate and it’s also made clear that he’s excellent at reading and understanding people and knowing how to respond to them.
The ironies associated with this is that revolve around how they grew up. Think about it. Cassian, who’s so deeply connected to and good with people, grew up alone as an abandoned bastard. He was trained as a soldier and rose to be an army commander, all while having this huge heart and amount of social intelligence that means he’s more naturally suited to solving problems with his head rather than his fists.
Then there’s Nesta, an autistic who probably wasn’t diagnosed as such in the human world (if they have a concept of autism in this world (let’s say they do)) But Nesta is a girl, and she’s a noble-born girl too, whose mother loved the parties and social life that being of this class afforded her. Nesta is expected to carry that on and be good at it as well and I can just imagine her struggling with it? The parties are too loud and too crowded and there are too many people and it honestly doesn’t matter how many lessons her mother gives her on social politics and etiquette; somehow she always, always manages to do something wrong. And she never understands exactly why or how it’s wrong. Just that when she tries to join in on the conversation everything goes quite. People give her that look. And her mother is standing staring on in disappointment from the corners.
Multiply this over the course of several years and then introduce a sister like Elain, who is so obviously better at this than her, who gets praise from her mother and from all of her friends while Nesta is shunted to the side and I’m not surprised she gave up and started thinking of them all as ‘sycophantic fools’ instead. Nesta got fed up trying because no matter what she did it was never quite right, and never ever good enough, so she stopped.
She stopped trying to be like them and she just started being herself instead. People still sometimes fell into awkward silences when she spoke but now she wasn’t disheartened by it, she’d expected it. She still pushed people away but she didn’t sit up late at night crying herself to sleep about it anymore. This was just the way that she was. This was just who she was. She wasn’t her mother, and she wasn’t Elain, either, even if she loved them both dearly. She was herself. And if they didn’t like that, well, she didn’t much like them, either, what did she care?
And then Cassian and Nesta meet one another and it’s like two sides of the same coin being allowed to face and see each other for the first time. Cassian comes up against someone that he can’t always read, someone who operates a little differently to how he’s used to, someone who confuses him, keeps him guessing, someone he doesn’t automatically know everything about. A challenge.
And Nesta…Nesta finds someone who actually tries. She finds someone who sees the surface her, that cold, withdrawn, acerbic air she somehow can’t help but project whenever she’s around people (and has long since stopped trying to help it - Elain accepts her for who she is, everyone else can too) but sees her too. He sees beneath to the raging heart, the torrent of fierce emotions they all accuse her of not having.
She’s heard them whispering in the village, heard them call her heartless and unfeeling and they don’t understand. None of them understand just how deeply she feels, just how strong her heart is. And she tells herself that it’s their loss, their fault they’ll never truly know, never truly benefit from all the fierce love she has to give…But it does get lonely.
Then he comes along and he sees her. He sees that fierce heart and those raging emotions and he understands. He’s so unlike her, in fact it’s probably difficult to find someone less like her than Cassian. Yet he understands her.
For all their differences in how they see and interact with the world, though, they respond to it incredibly similarly. Cassian and Nesta have…A lot of the same motives and ideals and goals, actually. They stem from very different places and very different people but they are the same.
That determination. That ability to sacrifice and destroy yourself for someone that you love. The way that Nesta would have died fighting Tamlin for Elain. The way that Cassian spreads his wings in front of Az to protect him from the king’s magic. The way that Nesta declares herself emissary to the human world because they are the forgotten, the group no-one cares about or seeks to help. But she will. The way Cassian stands before Nesta and swears to defend the humans with her, because dying to save those who cannot protect themselves is a worthy end for him. The way Nesta shields Cassian’s body with her own; as he had done for his brother all those months ago. The way Cassian sets himself up to die so that others will live.
They are such different people but their hearts are alike and in spite of everything they understand each other.
So I love that aspect of this dynamic, but I also love the fact that Cassian accepts and loves Nesta for who she is. Without expecting or wanting her to change, in a way that I don’t think anyone save Elain has ever truly done. (I’ve argued before but I’ll say it again, Elain also has a lot of social intelligence, like Cassian. She also grew up with Nesta and I think that she sees and understands her in a similar way to Cassian and this is one of the reasons that the two sisters are so close - that understanding)
Cassian’s acceptance of Nesta is really important to me because I think it’s so easy to see a character like her and expect her to change. Expect her to soften herself so that she can more easily navigate the world. Expect her to thaw herself and become warmer and friendlier and more open because this is what’s expected of someone of her gender and class. Expect her to fit the moulds that she never has fit and likely never will, but it’s expected that she’ll shatter some intrinsic part of herself to do so. And in the context of this hc it’s even more important to me that Nesta is never forced to do that, is never forced to change, and is allowed to utterly be herself…and still be loved and worthy of love and a mate and a support circle in spite of all that. Because she doesn’t conform to society’s expectations, because she can’t conform to them. And that doesn’t matter. She is not broken, she does not need to be ‘fixed’, she only needs to be accepted.
Okay, okay, last thing on this post (which got really long and out of hand, I have other autistic!Nesta/Nessian hcs on another post that someone asked for, smaller and less meta-y ones, so I’ll just post that as it is instead of forcing them in here) but one thing I really love in the context of this hc is, once they’re together, Cassian sort of…helping Nesta understand and navigate the social world around them.
So Nesta talking to someone and saying something and the conversation ends a little abruptly and she can lean into Cass and ask him if that was okay or- Did she fuck up? How did she fuck up? And Cassian can either gently explain the social rules that have escaped her all her life if need be, or he can reassure her that no, she did good, that was fine, they’re just a prick.
Or Cass can do what Feyre did for her at the dinner, and reassure her that people aren’t trying to hurt her all the time, sometimes they’re just teasing but they really do mean well. (But also Cassian having quiet words and asking people to stop that if it continues to bother her) and him like…Interpreting other people for her because jfc they’re exhausting, she has no idea what’s going on at all, she is Tired.
Cassian understanding when Nesta can’t face the idea of a party or a big social gathering, even with his help, so they just stay in that night and snuggle and be together.
Nesta using the mating bond between them to start learning Cassian’s tells. Because she can learn how to read people’s body language it’s just…like learning any other language because it’s not intrinsic or instinctive. So she can feel through the bond what he’s feeling and thinking, and start to learn how he looks when he’s angry or agitated or upset. Even if Cass tries to hide them from her, then…She knows.
Cassian just…Helping Nesta to navigate the tangled minefield that is social interaction and working with her and supporting her instead of just sighing at her. Understanding that there are some things she genuinely can’t do because she processes the world differently to him and her brain is just wired differently.
Cassian being completely and utterly fascinated by this and wanting to learn all about it and exactly how it’s different and exactly what he should do to help and Nesta being…Shocked. Because people either turn their noses up at her and assume she’s trying to be rude or difficult, or they just try and beat the same lessons into her over and over again but Cass just…Okay but how do we make things work for you and how can I change a little to better accommodate you for a change and Nesta just…Being really, really touched that he’d do this for her.
Nesta growing more confident in herself and far, far less insecure around other people. She opens up a little more because she can be herself and be accepted and wanted for that. She doesn’t have to choose any more between being who she is, and keeping people around her. She can have both. Cassian helping her and supporting her into reaching that conclusion and refusing to allow her to expect any less from people just because of the way that she is. Cassian never, ever expecting Nesta to change herself this way because then, well, she really wouldn’t be Nesta. This is a part of who she is and he helps encourage her and others to accept that about her.
nah i still love bts but content creation for real people….isn’t as “satisfying” for someone who thrives on free interpretation?
i feel like anime fandom gives me very much of a safe and wildly creative space, while kpop fandom tends to exert pressure when i don’t draw things the way someone else interprets it.
communication-wise i also feel like i get way lesser fun/productive interactions with the latter compared to when i was in haikyuu/ft fandom, so indulging back into anime has been re-energising my creative spirit, which solely being in kpop fandom didn’t manage to do very well, since the culture felt quite individualistic and at times….lonely
You know, as I continue (and continue and continue) to watch the sexy parts of Plus One, I can’t help but think the whole bed scene could’ve been a lot better with the tiniest of edits. I made a few minor, canon-compliant tweaks… let me know what y’all think about this (under the cut):
It’s funny, really, the way things work out. It comes out ways you don’t expect, bursting out in tiny bubbles or cracking through delicate glass. Sometimes, it’s both. And in those rare moments, you learn to hold reality at the tip of your fingers, ready to let it go when it’s time.
In the dim light and fading blue of where the Killahead Bridge used to stand, Claire cradles her baby brother, tears staining her cheeks. And it’s bittersweet, one wins and one loses, at the same time. Her brother is here, he’s safe and in her arms, and he’s okay—which, coincidentally, is everything Jim isn’t. Jim, who’s still stuck in the Darklands after saving her brother, and after all of this, he’s still down there. He’s still trapped, and he might be forever.
She can hear Toby, screaming and kicking, and she wants to as well, but screaming won’t do anything. It won’t fix the bridge, it won’t protect Jim, it won’t bring him back to them. But Jim isn’t dead—can’t be dead. No. She refuses to believe that. He’s survived two weeks so far, hasn’t he? They’ll find a way to fix the bridge, just a little bit longer, Jim just has to fight for a little bit longer.
Everyone else leaves, but they stay. It feels like before all over again: all three of them crying and worried about Jim. Except now they had been so close; he was right there. She’d even touched his hand, and maybe if she had held on a little bit tighter, he would be here.