beefarmer

My predictions for Russian Championships: 

Aliya wins the AA while performing only on balance beam and uneven bars. 

On beam she lacks most of the required elements and her “dismount” is falling on her double turn, and not getting back up because she made it look half legit and the judges decided that perhaps it was a new element. 

On uneven bars she performs half of a routine and scores 17 because she’s that good.

Dasha hits beam, but it’s Seda who gets second on bars after Aliya. What can I say, people fell a lot and there was some sketchy scoring.

Vika wins second on AA based on a video she posted on vk with her watching the championships.

Beefarm has a beam routine. And it’s good.

Beefarm also sticks an amanar and debuts a new vault, “Paseka”. It’s yurchenko half on 2 twists off in a layout starfish position.

Melka and Kapi fight it to the death. By death I mean a wolf turn.

Masha K. performs well, hits her routines and looks solid but gets forgotten by everyone. Alla has the same fate.

The Guinness World Record for most turns on floor in a single competition is broken.

So is the record for most falls on double tucks. 

Andrei Rodionenko files a petition for FIG to remove balance beam from artistic gymnastics.

Pavs makes a return to competition and Russia, and is one of the few ones who makes it out alive and makes the team for Euros. Unfortunately someone forgets to file for a visa and she gets left home.

Afan is back with the weirdest and flashiest floor routine ever seen. She wasn’t supposed compete, but got tired of watching the boring routines and improvised one on the spot. It ended with a sat down wolf turn, because just stopped caring in the middle of it. And was appalled about doing a wolf turn.

Valentina runs around looking crazy. People think it’s because there is some shit going on on the beam, but it’s really because she’s looking for her bottle of vodka. It was Melka who stole it. She watched Grishy’s Olympics and it was just much pressure.

The FIG denies Andrei’s petition and he sets off to fabricate a new birth certificate for Varvara Zubova as a last resort.

Khorkina gets tired of it all and makes a comeback. By the time Olympics comes, it’s only her against Cata in an empty arena because everyone else is injured. Both are in a full body cast, but they get shit done anyway.