beef frank

youtube

Billboard BREAKDOWN - Hot 100 - April 1, 2017 - so we get a bit of a breather week with Nicki Minaj trying (and failing) to squash the beef with Remy Ma, Frank Ocean making an unexpected return, and Lorde continuing to impress.

Why the Weinermobile won’t come to your town.

Windward Circle, Venice Beach, CA:

With Venice being one of the birth points for the Los Angeles food truck scene, new excessive regulations in the Los Angeles area make it nearly impossible to treat people to delicious all-beef franks without any hassle from City Hall. Instead, find us in Long Beach, CA where the beach crowds are just as plentiful and hungry, but the parking and permit situation is less hectic.

Dodger Stadium, Los Angeles, CA:

Not because Farmer John is the official dog of the Dodger Dog. It’s because of the $18 parking fee and the fact that the Wiener mobile takes up four spaces. That’s $72! Instead, look for the wiener mobile at the free parking section of Elysian Park. A bacon wrapped option will be made available specifically for Los Angeles.

Portland, OR:

As much as we love that area of the Pacific Northwest, Portland is home to, literally, hundreds of food pods. We wouldn’t stand out. In fact, we’re pretty sure there are a bunch of hot dog shaped food pods already. We swear we even saw one shaped like Mount Rushmore and they serve nothing but Mountain Dew. Plus the fact that we’re from the Midwest and Portlanders prefer everything they eat to be local. Instead, find us in Seattle, WA, where the air is just as fresh and sweet, but novelty shaped food trucks aren’t as common so it’ll be easier to spot us from the distance.

Moab, UT:

With its natural splendor and vast beauty, it seems like the perfect place to enjoy a tasty wiener from a vehicle with the same physical appearance. Sadly, the Wiener mobile does not have the needed traction and torque to make it up and down the mountainous terrain that even troubles Jeep Wranglers. It will however be in Provo, UT, on flat, leveled surface waiting to celebrate your off-roading accomplishments with a steamed bun and plain yellow mustard.

Chicago, IL:

Because people who add peppers, tomatoes, pickles, and celery salt to a hot dog are the kind of people that Oscar Meyer prefer to stay clear of. Find the Wiener Mobile in our hometown of Madison, WI, where people enjoy hotdogs for what they are: hotdogs—not as fancy dinner plates.

Buffalo, New York:

It’s nothing against people of upstate New York—we love Pougkeepsie. Really. But when it comes to New York, the home of the modern day buffalo wing isn’t the best place to get love for another meaty treat. Instead, find us in New Haven, CT—yes, it’s in another state, but it’s a small state, so it’s okay—where we’ll find love from the students at Yale University. They may be the bright minds of the future, but they’re also college students and we’re pretty sure there’s a kegger going on somewhere. And where there’s a kegger, there’s a need for some plump Oscar Meyer Weiners.

New York City, NY:

Like Los Angeles, it’s not because Hebrew National is the wiener of choice for the city. It’s not because we fear four street tough kids from Hell’s Kitchen stealing our truck and losing control and having it fall down the stairwell leading to the subway (watch the movie Sleepers if you haven’t). It’s because our intern, who we actually let the truck, got multiple parking tickets throughout the city and failed to mention that to us. He’s no longer with the company and we have no idea how many tickets are unpaid and we’d rather sweep the ordeal under the rug and just avoid the city in general. But you can find us up the way in the Mount Vernon area. A great place where you can raise your kids and openly say that you’re going to treat them to a wiener without someone in the neighborhood thinking twice about you.

me: *sees Frank Ocean trending on twitter*

me: oh my god… oh my god, it’s happening… there’s an album date oh my god… oh my god yes

twitter: “Miguel beef with Frank Ocean”

me:

Women’s World Cup Final. Created this monstrosity during Mikey and Suzie’s Women’s World Cup Final Party. It consists of two beef franks, one turkey frank, two hamburger patties, two slices of american cheese, spicy brown mustard and ketchup. Not really sure what I was thinking, in fact, by this point I’m sure my good friend Sailor Jerry was making all my important decisions for me.