Alfred: He kept giving the restaurant a bad word so we made him a special ‘Artie’s menu’. He usually orders a full English breakfast for breakfast, crumpets for lunch, and steak or roast beef for dinner. Of course, all with tea
If you’re staggering the episodes and watching only two episodes per day, you can add to the sensory experience by following this meal plan. Some of these foods don’t actually appear in the book, but are just sort of in-keeping with the general themes.
Can we get some more sexting with Harry please???? 😊😊😊😊
Requests are shut until January, 2017.
YOU GUYS AND YOUR SEXTING REQUESTS - I LOVE THIS SIDE TO YOU ALL. HAHAHA.
Credit to the owner of the NSFW photos used. x
I have a such an aching boner right now.
I’m aching for you, Gorgeous.
I woke up with morning wood and you weren’t here for morning sex.
I’m out with mum right now.
When did you leave?
Around 8 this morning.
I told you, I was busy all of today.
You’re going to have to get yourself off by yourself or something, Peaches.
I want to fuck you.
I feel like if I wank, it’ll come back even worse.
Harry, you have the house to yourself. No one’s coming over. The neighbours are both on holiday. You can walk around the house with your boner on show, if you wanted too.
I want you here.
To give me a blowjob in the kitchen and to give me a handjob when I’m on the sofa and to ride me in bed before we go to sleep tonight.
I can ride you before we go to sleep tonight, Harry.
I’ll be back by dinner this evening.
Make me something nice and we’ll see if you earn yourself more.
How does a delicious roast beef dinner sound?
Make it chicken and we’ll see what I can do.
All this talk about riding me has me hot under the collar.
In fact, hot all over because I’m naked right now.
You’re driving me insane, Peaches.
You know, I love it when you call me Peaches.
Reminds me of when you gave me the two best orgasms of my life.
Can you not?
Me and mum are on the train right now and she keeps trying to catch a glimpse of my phone.
I can’t help it.
I have so many dirty thoughts in my mind right now.
I tried looking through my camera roll to see if I can see any ugly shots of the lads or something - because, that’ll definitely kill my boner, if you know what I mean. ;))) - but all I could find are photos of you.
Like, do you know how good it feels to have your cock sucked?
I don’t… In case you didn’t know, I don’t have one?
And my mum just almost caught a glimpse of this, Harry!
I’m not really sorry, you know?
: ) : )
Let me tell you.
It feels fucking amazing.
Do you know what feels even better?
Watching yourself in the mirror as your girlfriend sucks your cock.
I really need you.
I can’t do anything because I’m on the train.
Have one for a few weeks ago. You’re welcome. xxx
You look so good.
Miss squeezing them, you know?
I’ve been gone for 3 hours.
I’m not dead, you idiot.
I tugged one out before you sent me that, you know?
A/N: To fit the setting, I made some slight modifications to the imagine & request. And also…no Tauriel. Story broken up into sections.
The monstrous spiders were dead - not you or any other member of Thorin Oakenshield’s company. Excellent.
But now there was another problem: you were on your way to a Mirkwood prison cell. Not so good.
What a way to spend your birthday.
To top things off, the Elf called Legolas kept looking back at you, as if he knew something about you – or liked something about you.
After several minutes, Legolas let another guard up front take the Dwarves he’d captured, including Thorin and his sword Orcrist. Legolas fell back and gently took your arm from another Elf.
“Get your mitts off her!” Kili snapped from the very back of the line. He had also seen how Legolas looked at you.
“Kili, we’re about to be locked up,” you called. “He’s not going to carry me to the cell!”
Legolas flashed his eyes at you.
“I could carry you, Gilgalad.”
You didn’t know what “gilgalad” meant but now it was obvious that the handsome Elf liked you. You blushed, your eyes wide.
Kili started twisting in the grip of the guard who had him by the arm.
“WHAT DID YOU CALL HER?”
Legolas stopped and just stared at Kili for a moment. The guard who had the Dwarf also stood still, and Kili settled down, returning Legolas’ stare. All the other Dwarves and guards continued walking.
“Gilgalad,” Legolas repeated.
“WHAT?! If anyone’s a ‘gilded lad,’ it’s you, blondie!”
“Oh Kili…” You pinched the bridge of your nose.
“Gil-ga-lad. It means starlight.” Legolas glanced at the five-pointed diamond pendant on a gold chain peeking from the top of your shirt. You were impressed: no one ever noticed the heirloom, more dear to you than any other possession.
Legolas began walking again. Kili felt like a fool and bit his lip as the guard pulled on him to keep going.
Then Kili had an idea.
“The Better Archer”
“Hey, Gilded Lad! It’s the lady’s birthday. I think she deserves a special dinner with a special companion, despite the circumstances.”
You turned around and narrowed your eyes at Kili, wondering where he was going with this.
“And who do you think this ‘special companion’ should be, pray tell?” Legolas asked.
“The better archer.”
You threw your head back for several seconds and looked at the canopy above, not believing Kili’s audacity - but loving him for it, too.
When you refocused on Legolas, he had a hint of smugness in his eye. In Sindarin, he ordered Kili’s guard to return to Mirkwood’s halls.
The three of you were now alone. Legolas retrieved his knife from its sheath on his hip and pointed it at Kili so the Dwarf wouldn’t try any funny business while he talked to you.
“A birthday dinner for you and a companion of your choosing, beautiful lady, can be secretly arranged,” Legolas said, “but is this your desire, or his?”
“My desire is that you let my friends and me go.”
Legolas slowly shook his head. That wish obviously wasn’t going to come true.
An archery contest? This is so stupid, you thought. But you had to admit, it was a bit flattering, and entertaining, to have two gorgeous fellows compete for your company - and on your birthday, no less.
“Fine,” you said. “I’ll set the rules.”
You took a quick look around the landscape, immediately noticing a curved row of four pine trees, amply spaced. The last one in the line was nearly a half a kilometer away.
“Shoot each of these trunks - no missing, no flubbing.” You pointed to the tree line. “Start with the furthest, and…”
Your directions were cut off by both Legolas’ and Kili’s muffled laughter.
“Too easy,” Kili mumbled. “I’ll have roast beef for my dinner, please.”
“These trees were my target practice 600 years ago,” Legolas said, looking pitifully at Kili. “I was practically still in diapers when I pierced them.”
“You didn’t let me finish,” you said. “You must be blindfolded, and your feet fixed in the same position for each target. The one to hit all the trees, following all the rules, wins.”
The laughing stopped.
“You expect me to let prisoners blindfold me?” Legolas asked you skeptically. He tucked away his blade and stepped up to you both, preparing to grab your arms. “Sorry, this contest is canceled.”
“Here!” You reached behind your neck, unfastened your cherished necklace, and offered it to Legolas. “This is the only worldly possession I have. It’s been in my family forever. Keep it as my vow not to harm you. And Dwarves keep their word! Neither of us will hurt you, right Kili?”
Kili shrugged and said “sure.” Legolas took the necklace in his hand, admiring its subtle beauty.
“Agreed,” the Elf said, slipping the chain in his boot.
You pulled your long tattered scarf from your waist as Legolas painstakingly chose the best position to stand in. Once he secured his footing, you handed him the scarf.
“Don’t try anything,” he warned. You placed your hand over your heart, but he was really talking to Kili, who just stood there, arms folded, smirking.
Legolas tied the scarf around his eyes, lifted his bow and pulled an arrow from the quiver.
Ping! The first arrow hit the furthest target with ease.
He grabbed another arrow, rotated at his waist, and shot:
Legolas hit the closest tree, but it bounced off the tough bark and met the ground.
He yanked the blindfold off and let it slip from his fingers as he gazed, crestfallen, at the projectile lying in the leaves as if it had betrayed him.
Kili sauntered over and picked it up.
“Here you go,” Kili sang, tucking the arrow back in Legolas’ quiver.
The Elf stepped aside and tried to hide his embarrassment and disappointment.
“A Deal is a Deal”
Kili reached for the crumpled scarf, fumbled with the knot in it, then tied it around his eyes. Without much consideration, he nailed a spot to stand in.
He picked up his bow, set his first arrow, and loosed it.
Hit. Slight pivot at waist. Release. Hit.
Each arrow seemed to speak, taunting Legolas:
My Roast Beef!
Kili slid the scarf down to his neck and spread his lips into a wide grin. You couldn’t help it; you smiled, too.
“Shall I retrieve the arrows?” Kili started walking toward the trees.
“I’ll do it! Don’t move!” Legolas snarled.
Legolas stomped to each tree and ripped the arrows from the trunks. Kili pulled away the scarf and wrapped it back around your waist, smiling up at you cunningly.
When Legolas returned, he practically threw the arrows belonging to Kili in the Dwarf’s face.
After everyone’s arrows were back where they belonged, Legolas got between you and Kili, took you both by the upper arm and began walking toward the Mirkwood halls.
“A deal is a deal,” Legolas muttered after a few minutes of silence. “I’ll make the arrangements for dinner, but if a word of this gets out…”
“It won’t,” you promised, looking past him at a very, very proud Kili. “Thank you.”
Legolas abruptly stopped, remembering something. He let go of you and Kili and reached down into his boot. He pulled out the necklace, then stood behind you and secured it around your neck.