There are two young teachers at my school I’d classify as high femme. These women always have it going on, and I like both of them very much professionally and personally. They always have their hair, makeup and nails done. Their outfits are always feminine and on point, complete with their expensive designer purse sitting next to their expensive lap tops with expensive jewelry dangling off their necks and wrists. In addition to all of their put-together-ness, I’d also say both of them are pretty bad bitches. Queen bee types you do not fuck with. They’re incredibly nice if you’re on their good side. I am, of course. I’m recognized as being sort of…..how shall I say, best bitch of all the bitchy teachers. Because while I recognize these friends of mine for being really sexy and badass in their ways, and I admire them for that, I have a different sort of air to me. Everything I exude in the way I look, speak and act (or don’t act) says, “I literally do not give a fuck.” In fact, of all the women I work with and am friendly with, it’s obvious that no matter how badass each one of them is, no one comes close to my level of no fucks given, whether we are talking about our personal lives, how we deal with students or how we deal with school politics.
I’ve spent some time noticing the social dynamic among us and thinking about it, but not caring or worrying. If you see what I mean. It fascinates me from a purely psychological standpoint because I have never in my life been a part of a group of female friends. Ever. I’ve had one friend at different times who possibly tried to include me in their club, but I never assimilated. Ever.
I recall a time when my ex husband saw me at high school and commented on how a large group of girls was following me through the hallway, and he viewed me as a leader of the pack type of woman. He always viewed me that way and said he couldn’t believe I am an introvert. But the true story was that I was just walking to class and these girls took it upon themselves to follow me. I wasn’t trying to be a leader of any damn thing. I never gave a fuck and, ironically, that’s why they viewed me as top dog, same as now, 20 years later.
I find this a truly fascinating thing. Of course, it’s much more than giving no fucks because I obviously care deeply about things that matter. It’s also that I’m smart, I’m good at my job, I’m excellent at classroom management, I demand the best from everyone and myself, I always build up others to demand that they are autonomous as I am. I always express appreciation while staying in my lane. I always operate confidently no matter how I really feel inside. And, I simply have a commanding presence. It might be my natural face. But you know, it’s also that I’m a truly loving person and people will think I’m such a bitch if they only view me from the outside, and yet my students and friends become so devoted to me, and it makes people wonder what I’m doing. I keep all my cards chested.
Hrm. People have told me I should be a principal or something but hell no. That’s not for me. I have no interest in leading anyone anywhere. I’m trying to do my own damn thing and still they think my classroom is the hangout spot at lunch time! Ugh!! Still they think I’m the best person to vent to about their problems when all I want is to be alone on my break time. Ugh! So I try my best, but it’s not me.
Isn’t that weird, that the woman who makes it obvious that she cares the least and gives the fewest fucks is perceived somehow as being the strongest? I don’t feel strong. I’m trying to be alone just so I can regroup.
It’s been like this for me my whole life even when I was a preteen. The difference is that when I was a girl I felt like I was less than the other girls because I didn’t wear makeup and I was a tomboy and I wasn’t pretty or feminine. I am still a tomboy and I’m still not pretty or feminine……except now I know I could be whenever I wanted to be and that everything about me is my choice. I also realize now that the way I am is a power, and it’s not better or worse, it’s just who I am. I’m fortunate that the women I work with now are awesome. No one is catty. I admire them for their femininity and they admire me for my…..I dunno. My presence. I wish more women were this way in the world, appreciating our differences without competition.
I do think about how I could put my strengths to a different use where I’d make more money though. I’m thinking about moving myself and kids into a one bedroom apartment next year. That’s kinda sad that this profession barely supports us when I needed so much education to enter this field. Weird.
First things first: I added Sun&Moon’s Apiary set to my game. It is not as easy to maintain as the apiaries I had before, but I’m willing to get it to work.
Gunda was skilled enough to get the “Writ of Mastery” on the spot.
I added some herbs to their garden, because the hive can be invested with parasites. I wanted to be prepared. (I might delete them later, when family Silbermantel is moving up and sells herbs as well as potions. That’s what I had in mind, when I created them, but it will take some time…)
The apriaries need hives to stock them. And the only way this is possible is to harvest a hive or a queen bee elsewhere.
Gunda had to go to the forest to collect some bees.