Disclaimer: These “remedies” are all things that my patients have admitted to trying. Some are completely useless, a few might actually be helpful, and others are potentially harmful. Do not consider the following remedies to be sound medical advice. Do not try this at home.
Got leg cramps at night? Try leaving a bar of soap under the sheets at the foot of the bed. Don’t forget to change out the soap or at least shave it down every few weeks / months to refresh it’s leg cramp curing powers.
For any sort of chest or nasal congestion, try a few drops of turpentine or kerosene on a sugar cube.
For sinus congestion, swallow a teaspoon of Vick’s Vapo-Rub.
Got the gout (pronounced thegouch around here)? Keep you a jar of raisins soaked in gin around the house. Take 9 (this is very specific) raisins a day.
Bowels plugged up? Baking soda and water’ll clear ‘em right out.
Bee or wasp sting? Spit your chewing tobacco juice on it to kill the burn. For fire ant bites, use bleach.
For acid reflux, try taking shots of cider vinegar.
Still got some vinegar left over? Mix it with water and drink a glass to lower your blood pressure. Or maybe take another shot to fight the flu. Or a shot to cure hiccups. Or a shot gargled with salt to cure a sore throat. Or rub it on your legs to cure your aching varicose veins. Better buy the big bottle of vinegar at the Piggly Wiggly. Vinegar cures everything.
I keep digging So many people in the world who love me Toss down the rope ladder to climb and I keep digging I want out of reach And yell at them for blocking the sunlight a reflection In the dark it wasn’t angry I wasn’t falling As long as it keeps reflecting.