Honestly I knew from the moment Bong Hee’s bra fell out her laundry basket that we were all being prepared for some kind of sexual tension but they didn’t just grind the tyres IT WAS A FULL ON BANG BANG VROOM VROOM
I throw your name at my bedroom wall
then pick it up and stitch all the letters back together.
I am not sure what else to do with it.
So I just hold it in my hands for a while,
turning it over and over
before putting it back in my pocket
or under my tongue like an acid tab.
I don’t say it out loud like I used to
but I still remember how to
and the sound of it rings in my mind
like a thousand silver bells
or a battlecry,
yes I guess it sounds quite a bit like a battlecry.
I scream it into my pillow.
Loudly, because it hurts.
In the morning I pour it into my bath
and the water bubbles
like the bubbles that form behind my lips
whenever I have something I want to say to you
that I know I will not say.
In the morning,
it doesn’t hurt at all.
I sink beneath the surface
and pretend that I am drowning.
A peaceful death, I’d say.