Lubię bary w hotelach i lotniska. Nie lubię poznawać ludzi. Ludzie są przewartościowani. Cały czas czegoś ode mnie chcą. A ja się wtedy męczę. Ludzie cały czas opowiadają mi historie. Rzadko kiedy są w nich szczęśliwi. Zazwyczaj są bardzo nieszczęśliwi. A w barach i na lotniskach można ich tylko obserwować. Jak bakterie pod mikroskopem. Tak jest okej.
I really thought you were the one for me, but now we’re five hours in trying to put together our new bed from Ikea and I just realised how much I hate you
I woke up to the kitchen timer ringing and when I asked you why you were baking a cake at three in the morning, you told me you had forgotten our anniversary - and that’s sweet baby but our anniversary isn’t until next month, so let’s go to sleep
we just got our floors done and I know you’re in a very important meeting, but I think I broke my leg sliding over the floor in my socks so could you please drive me to the emergency room?
we’ve been talking about starting a family for a while, so you thought it would be a good idea to borrow the neighbour’s child to see how we are as parents, and by borrow you meant take them without telling their parents
we’ve just bought a dog and you insist on letting it sleep in our bed, but lately it’s begun to snore loudly so I moved it to the sofa only to wake up and find you sleeping on the couch next to it
I’ve been planning this really, really romantic proposal for months now, and there you go, asking me to marry you on a whim? are you KIDDING me?
you had an accident and hit your head. the doctor says you have some kind of amnesia that restarts your memory every few hours, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’re still married so please stop with the flirty pick up lines