becoming a visible man

anonymous asked:

You should make a smut out of the interview. Like seeing Tyler get all frustrated and he ends up taking you to his dressing room to do it

alright i guess


You stand across the room, staring at Tyler and Josh while they’re being interviewed; you know they were always uncomfortable during interviews, and from their body language, you could tell that this interview was no different. Creeping slightly closer to them, you get an earful of what the interviewers are asking.

“What’s a Blurryface?” The question gets repeated over and over, and each time, you can see Tyler become visibly irritated at the man’s pestering question. Even when the man directs the question to Josh, he’s rebuffed, much to his dismay.

Tyler cuts his eyes towards you, noticing how you stand slightly uncomfortable yourself, as you watch them being mocked by a man who’s job was to simply find out more about them. You can see the look of rage behind his eyes, and finally, he has enough.

“I don’t feel like answering it,” he says. “It’s just too complex, too deep.” The interviewers seem to realize that they upset him, and grow quiet, but Tyler keeps pushing, giving them a taste of their own medicine. “You’re sitting on a table,” he says. “I’m just saying, it’s about insecurities and stuff, and I don’t wanna talk about it…when you’re laying on a table.”

You smile to yourself, as the man tries one last time to fire a mocking question at Tyler, only to have Tyler shut him down. The interview ends abruptly, and awkwardly, as Tyler jumps from his seat; even after being poked repeatedly by the man during the interview, Tyler, being the kind person that he is, still shakes the man’s hand before taking his leave.

He strides towards you, and you can see the fire behind his eyes; immediately, you understand what is on his mind, so you beat him to the punch, heading in the direction of the dressing room, with him in tow.

The moment you’re both inside, Tyler slams the door shut, and takes hold of you, hoisting you up onto the counter. His mouth is on yours, kissing you with more force than usual; your hands wrap around his small frame, holding fistfuls of his hoodie in an effort to pull him closer to you.

He’s shoving his pants down his legs, not breaking the kiss; your hands blindly feel for his, helping him shove the clothing down to pool at his feet. Tyler’s fingers push your skirt up your thighs, and he lets out a deep chuckle when he finds you aren’t wearing any panties.

“Dirty girl,” he mutters, dragging his mouth to your neck.

Tyler pushes inside of you, his hands coming behind you to grasp your backside and pull you closer to him. Immediately, he begins thrusting into you, the frustration from his interview apparent behind every push of his hips.

You drape your arms over his shoulders, giving yourself to him entirely to use you to release his anger. Tyler lets out a grunt each time he slams into you; slow, languid thrusts that have your insides twisting to feel more. You hook your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper into you, which causes both of you to moan out.

“God, yes,” Tyler breathes against your neck. “You love it when I’m sassy, don’t you? You love to hear me run my fucking mouth.”

“Mmmhmm,” you hum, hands setting on the sides of his head so you can pull his head back. You tip his head so you can peer into his eyes, and see the concentration and slight vulnerability hidden behind them. “Fuck me harder, Ty,” you whisper. “C’mon, baby. Use me.”

Something snaps in Tyler, and he’s pulling you from the counter; he spins you around, bending you over the counter and slipping back inside of you. When you set your hands on the counter, you lift your head to peer at Tyler through the mirror in front of you; his hands are on your hips, a painful grip holding you still as he begins to slam into you.

Your body rocks forward, hipbones hitting hard against the edge of the counter, no doubt leaving bruises on your skin. Tyler moans out, tipping his head back and letting his fingers squeeze your skin even tighter.

“I’m gonna come, baby,” you moan, catching his attention. He watches you slide your hand between your thighs, rubbing furiously at your clit in time with his frantic thrusts. “Don’t stop,” you breathe. “I’m so close!”

“Come for me,” he rasps, spanking you hard.

You moan out even louder as your climax hits you, rocking your whole body as Tyler continues to thrust into you; with a few more rapid slams of his hips, he’s spilling into you, having you both feel the waves of your orgasms at the same time. Tyler groans loudly, dropping the weight of his body onto you.

“Sorry,” he whispers. “I was a little angry.”

“I could tell,” you respond, as he pulls back and tugs his pants back on. He eyes up your hips, from the bruises of his fingers to the marks from the counter top; he bites his lip, looking back into your eyes before he corrects himself.

“I was very angry.”

Late Night Shopping - Calum Hood

A/N: Here please don’t hate me *throws this at you and leaves crying softly*

You’re walking through the supermarket trying not to see anyone you know. At 11:30pm on a Thursday evening this is usually not difficult. However being caught in your worn, hole ridden pants and one of Calum’s band shirts, massacra and eye-liner smudged all underneath your eyes giving the effect of a panda isn’t something you were keen for.

You’d had a terrible day. Firstly you’d had early classes of your least favourite courses. Then worked for six hours of your usual shift, seemingly it was grumpy peoples’ day out and you were obviously not notified. You’d been given added overtime without notice because your coworker hadn’t turned up for her shift and despite the money being good you just weren’t in the mood. Finally you’d gotten home to a dark and silent house. A cruel reminder that your boyfriend was on tour with his band and wouldn’t be home for another two months. You’d had a small mental breakdown that had resulted in your mascara smudges and t-shirt thieving. Having settled down a little from your breakdown by now you were ducking into the grocery store to grab a bottle of champagne and a tub of ice-cream to console yourself. Unhealthy coping mechanisms but you frankly didn’t care at 11:30 pm.

You had parked somewhat away from the actual shopping centre despite the multitude of spare spaces; you just didn’t want to be right up close to everyone else. As you headed into the store you grabbed a basket and meandered towards the alcohol section splurging on some reasonable champagne. As a teenager vodka had never been a favourite of yours but you’d become a champagne snob after visiting the boys on their European leg of the last tour. It was something you’d not been able to let go ever since.

You grabbed the champagne before you could reassess your life and headed for the ice-cream aisle wandering down the chocolate asile on your way just to tempt yourself some more. A way to make the trip last a little longer not wanting to go home to an empty house.

You’re halfway down the chocolate aisle when running feet startle you as they round the corner and continue on pounding towards you, halting briefly the tall blur reaches a long arm around you to grab something off the shelf in front of you. ‘Sorry!’ The deep voice says hurriedly. You startle for a second time grabbing the tall blur, that has become a tall yet visible man now, by his arm. 'Luke what the actual fuck!’ You exclaim convinced you’re dreaming. 'Y/N!’ He responds just as startled as you are, you’re not sure why he’s so startled to see you considering you in fact live in this town and he is supposed to be in another state entirely. Luke squeezes you into a massive hug nonetheless, rattling the champagne against the basket and pushing all the air out of you. 'Woah I’ve missed you so much and so has your boyfriend that’s why I have to be quick getting this, I told him I couldn’t wait I needed some chocolate so,’ he kisses your head in a loving big brotherly fashion despite being two years younger than you, 'I’ve gotta go I’ll catch you some time!’ He pulls away as you roll your tired eyes. 'Luke!’ You say half amused half annoyed. 'Yeah?’ He turns jogging on the stained linoleum. 'Do me a massive favour please.’ You speed walk over not wanting to run to him should the champagne begin clunking against the plastic carry basket again. 'Pay for this and a tub of ice-cream and bring them back to the bus I’ll meet you there.’ You fish out two twenty dollar notes from your pocket pushing them into his hand. 'Get your chocolate too and keep the change.’ You give him a quick hug and thrust the basket at him. He rightens himself, beginning to protest the amount you’ve given him as you take off running through the store towards the car park around the back, the most inconspicuous spot to have a massive tour bus. You race down the aisles earning dirty looks from shoppers and employees alike not that you care in the slightest. Despite being dead tired and emotionally spent you sprint on through the doors and burst into the night air, fresh and cool. Your legs are tired by this stage, purely due to lack of sleep and extreme fatigue from your busy day, but you refuse to slow down.

Rounding the corner of the big concrete building that is the shop you let out a little squeal of joy. As you suspect the bus is parked inconspicuously behind the store, lights on inside engine running still, clearly expecting a quick stop. You race across the car park dodging the parked cars, there is no traffic due to the late hour luckily for you. You’re too excited to be salty Calum didn’t tell you he was coming. You don’t even care if it’s only for a day, you’re ecstatic to see your closest friend and boyfriend.

You pound once on the door and it opens automatically, the waiting for it to open wide enough for you to slip in causing you to jog lightly on the step.

'About fucking time Luke, that’s 10 whole minutes with Y/N I’m missing out on for your cravings!’ Calum grumbles from the lounge not looking up from his phone, the fact that this upsets him makes you smile a little, pleased your boyfriend is as excited to see you as you are to see him. He stands leaning against the back lounge wall next to the window.

You rush to him, smothering him in a hug so fierce he drops his phone, which thankfully lands safely on the wrap around lounge. 'Y/N!’ He responds with arms that engulf your shoulders as he buries his head in your neck. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly as he pushes his face closer to your neck, stubbled chin resting millimetres below your ear. You rock from foot to foot still embracing him, much too excited to stand still. 'What are you doing I was going to surprise you!’ He says with a laugh breaking barely a foot apart at the torso, hips still flush against you arms sliding down to your waist hands resting gently on your hip bones. 'I was getting a few essentials that I have since persuaded Luke to grab for me. When I saw him race down the chocolate aisle I almost died of shock. I cannot believe you’re here!’ You reach up brushing a hand across his cheek with a feather light touch. 'I’ve missed you so much and your timing is impeccable! I really missed you today.’ You explain quietly cuddling back into Calum, determined to get in as many hugs as you can before he returns to the tour. 'Aww don’t you miss me everyday? Not just sometimes!’ He laughs faking offense. 'Don’t be silly you know I miss you all the time today just was a particularly terrible day in general and being with my boyfriend would have made it a lot more pleasant. But shocked as you may be I actually miss you most when it’s beautiful outside when I walk in the park, or when something great happens. Your my best friend as well as my boyfriend.’ You say into his chest somewhat shyly. He wraps you tighter in his strong arms. 'Same, Y/N same, I’ve missed you so much and I’m not here for long but I couldn’t not have the time with you.’ He says placing a gentle kiss on your head.

'Alright we get it but you can go home now before you make us all sick. Take your shit and get out. We’ll pick you up in a week.’ Michael says making shoving motions with his hands. Ashton laughs and pats Calum on the back. 'Go on mate.’ Ashton then rubs your back gently 'good to see you Y/N, take care of him and I’ll come pick him up when the breaks over, sorry it’s only short.’ He says sympathetically. You smile up at the curly-haired drummer, 'thanks Ash, it’s good to see you too.’ You briefly break away from Calum to give Ashton a warm hug. Embracing him you you close your eyes and smile contently, you’ve missed being with your little family almost as much as you’ve missed Calum.

Your smile morphs into a wicked grin, letting go of Ashton you march deeper into the bus. 'Your turn! I haven’t seen you in such a long time you have no say in the matter Clifford!’ You throws your arms around Michael as Ashton and Calum share amused laughs. You do a little dance as he pulls you into his flannel-clad chest. 'I’ve missed you all, even you Mikey!’ You joke but look up at him to make sure he knows you really have missed them all. He laughs loudly, 'we’ve missed you too, Calum particularly, the bus is pretty small mate, we can hear you.’ He winks at your blushing boyfriend. 'Be nice.’ You scold squeezing your arms tightly around his middle. 'And give me my girlfriend back.’ Calum pouts. You laugh letting go of Michael you walk back to Calum, sliding an arm around his waist. 'Come on let’s get your stuff and chase Luke down for mine then we can go home.’ You say excitement at the idea of a week with your boyfriend at home. He nods enthusiastically placing an arm around your shoulders gently he picks up his bag and presses the button to open the door. You call goodbyes as you walk towards a much calmer Luke, the tiredness that touring causes is showing on all the boys and Luke, despite his bubbly nature is no exception. He hands you your shopping and you give him a gentle hug as a thank you. 'Thanks Luke, take care of yourself, have a good rest.’ You say worried about how much of a toll this touring takes on them all. He nods and you walk off in seperate directions. Calum’s hand is nestled in yours as you walk to the car, having parked so far away from the few cars in the car park does have advantages and being able to reacquaint yourself with your boyfriend after so long in reasonable privacy is one of them. Although you’re both exhausted kissing in your car like teenagers before driving home and sharing a shower and then falling asleep I each other’s arms is an exhilarating idea. Now every time you go to a a supermarket you wish you did see someone you knew.

3

Now you see it, now you see it again Pt 14: A coat tale

Coats of the late 1920s tended to be simpler than the outfits worn underneath. They typically closed with just a single, large button or extravagant, feature tab and buckle, wrapped and fastened to one side. They had few decorations; trim was usually narrow side panels, sometimes with cording, self-fabric trim, or embroidery on the sides or back. Many had fur shawl collars. Belts were not required and were optional as an ornamental feature that usually did not go all the way around the coat. 

Phryne wears a black and white woven cheviot wool coat, with white panel inserts at the sides and back, as well as from elbow to cuff, accessorised with black and/or white. It makes appearances in both Series 1 and 2.

And what a tale this coat could tell.

In Raisins and Almonds a complex plot involves allegiances - adherence to causes and family relationships that are tested. Marriage is scrutinised from the perspective of those honouring the commitment despite physical and emotional distance.

Phryne is investigating the death of a young man, Saul Michaels, a supporter of the Zionist cause. She, with Simon Abrahams, visits Josi Stein, a fellow Zionist, at the Kadimah to learn the meaning of a hand-written classical Hebrew note on a page from a text, which might offer a clue to the mysterious death.  We see the coat, accessorised with black and white down to the shoes, including a rather extraordinary brooch of  yarn and miniature knitting needles:

Josi Stein has little interest in helping Phryne investigate his friend’s death and is more interested in keeping the document than providing a translation.

Phryne: Mr Stein, I’ve unearthed some evidence that may explain your friend’s death, but I need help to understand it. 

Josi: … Saul was a student of Kabbalah, religious philosophical teachings. It may be from one of his books. That is all I know. 

Phryne: And this handwritten annotation, do you know what that means? It looks like Old Hebrew. 

Josi: Perhaps I could translate, but I would need to refer to some texts. If I can study it… 

Phryne doesn’t fall for that ruse and takes herself to the dead man’s rooms above the shoe shop.  Whilst an apprentice to Chaim Abrahams the cobbler, the victim was also a student, so the room is part bedroom, part study, part chemistry lab.  The coat contrasts the bright yellow walls of the bed-sit as Phryne begins to see that there may be a link between the Hebrew text, the lab and the young man’s death.

But the discovery of something far more rudimentary in the room leads to a more immediate clue…

and a consequent confrontation with Miss Leigh, to this point the chief suspect in the case. 

Phryne: Were you having a dalliance with Saul? 

Miss Leigh: That is none of your business. 

Phryne: For goodness sake, woman, I’m trying to save you from the gallows! 

We see the bars of the cell shadowing the wall and across Phryne’s coat as Miss Leigh admits to being Saul’s lover, despite the fact that she knew he would return to his wife overseas once he was able.

Miss Leigh: Saul had more to lose than I. He had a wife in Poland. They married at 16, but when he left, she promised that she would wait for him until they could be together in the Holy Land.

And a seque  - to the coat, Phryne and our Jack as Miss Leigh’s circumstances, and Phryne’s urging of her innocence, lead ultimately to Jack’s own revelations. First, his knowledge of Science.

Jack: I doubt my Ancient Hebrew will impress you, but I studied enough science to recognise those symbols. This is the symbol for lead and the symbol for gold. He who could turn lead into gold could cure all disease and make men immortal, theoretically. But how does it help Miss Leigh? 

Phryne: She wouldn’t have killed him, Jack. She loved him. They were having an affair. 

Jack: He was married. 

Phryne: It happens. 

Jack: Well, there’s your motive. Miss Leigh wouldn’t be the first woman to kill in a jealous rage. 

Phryne: Miss Leigh doesn’t seem the type to rage. 

Then Phryne and the coat go off to find the translation of the annotation.

Phryne: I need your help with my investigations, Mr Abrahams. I understand that you can translate from Old Hebrew…

Mr B Abrahams:  This is mystical nonsense. 

Phryne: But it was important to Saul, and I suspect it has something to do with his death. 

Mr B Abrahams: Show me. ‘The invisible will become visible only through flames.' 

The man of honour is able to reveal the significance of the ‘mystical nonsense’, 

and whilst contemplating what to write to the distant widow, the most intimate of his reveals is divulged:

Jack: I went to war a newlywed. 

Phryne: But you came home. 

Jack: Not the man my wife married… 16 years ago. 

Phryne: War will do that to you. 

Jack: My wife’s been living with her sister for some time now. But a marriage is still a marriage, Miss Fisher. 

Phryne: Especially to a man of honour.

(I know, I know, she wasn’t actually wearing the coat in the last two pics but I just couldn’t stop myself it was required for context.)

And so to a favourite Ep for many of us: Dead Air.  

The coat appropriately reappears in an episode where Phryne’s outfits reflect the glamour of the radio stars of the 1920s.  Teemed again with the black French ‘cat-burglar’ beret, she also wears black gloves, and the coat supports a large cream cameo brooch to the lapel.

The radio station airs a popular series called The Polkinghorns with the main characters played by Jimmy and Hazel Creswick, her role winning Hazel an award.  

Playing parts is a motif throughout - Jack plays Archie, Phryne  plays a role or two, and Jimmy who plays Maurice Polkinghorn is really Harry. Uncovering who’s really who is critical to solving the murder.

It’s late in the ep that Phryne goes back to the radio station to flush out the killer by playing an old recording of a program associated with a past murder.  Sleazy Clarry continues to try his luck:

Phryne: Could you play this next? Special request. 

Clarry: Do I get one in return? 

Phryne: Save your breath, Clarry. Your charms are lost on me.

The recording of Twilight Melodies reveals Jimmy Creswick’s true identity, that of the former Harry Redpath, who is forced to show his hand (holding a gun).

Phryne: Louisa found you out, didn’t she, Harry? Remembered your voice from her time in Perth… You dragged her body outside. Clarence couldn’t hear any of it. Then you continued on to the awards night as if nothing had happened, and poor old Dodger saw it all. You realised he witnessed the murder, so you killed him too. 

Jimmy/Harry: You’re not moving until Hazel walks through that door. She defied me, and if I can’t have her, no-one will. I will kill her. And I’ll kill you too, Miss Fisher.

Phryne manages to clobber Jimmy/Harry and Jack arrives to make the arrest, his transformation from Archie back to DI complete.

And some teasing from Phryne:

Jack: Miss Fisher? 

Phryne: Hope you enjoyed the show, Jack. 

Jack: Constable, get him up. Harry Redpath, you’re under arrest for the murders of Guinevere Redpath, Louisa Singleton and John Lockhart. And the attempted murder of Hazel Creswick. 

Phryne: You took your time.

And so ends this coat’s tale, although the episode concludes with Phryne wearing a  stunningly sensuous evening gown that reflects the colours of the coat.  (And I need any excuse or feeble link to post that duet…).  It is chiffon and lace heavily sequinned and beaded with black and white pearls in intricate floral and fleurs de lys patterns. It swings and sways as she sashays into the room where Jack is at the piano.

Phryne and Jack celebrate a successful outcome (and an engagement) with a tinkle on the ivories while they plan their next move:

We’re all alone, no chaperone ♪ ♪ Can get our number ♪ ♪ The world’s in slumber ♪ ♪ Let’s misbehave

There’s something wild about you, child ♪ ♪ That’s so contagious ♪ ♪ Let’s be outrageous ♪ ♪ Let’s misbehave

You know my heart is true ♪ ♪ And you say you for me care ♪ ♪ Somebody’s sure to tell ♪ ♪ But what the heck do we care?

They say that bears have love affairs and even camels ♪ ♪ We’re merely mammals ♪ ♪ Let’s misbehave ♪ ♪ We’re merely mammals ♪ ♪ Let’s misbehave

anonymous asked:

Hey I have to write a paper for one of my classes and was wondering if any of you guys have any good non-fiction books that I can find in the library about gender?

Hey Friend,

This is a great question! I see a lot of lists of queer fiction, and those are awesome. But there’s also a treasure trove of nonfiction works. Trans authors especially have written some fantastic pieces in recent years that I’d love to share with you. Below are some of, what I think are the best examples of queer nonfiction by queer and trans authors. This is by no means exhaustive, just a highlight of the multitude of literature out there: 

Borderlands / La Frontera: The New Mestiza by Gloria Anzaldua (intersectional identities and the borders of our emotions and identities)

Covering: The Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights by Kenji Yoshino (about identity politics and assimilation)

Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde (collection of speeches on racism, sexism, and homophobia)

Tango: My Childhood, Backward and in High Heels by Justin Vivian Bond (gender, small towns, abuse)

Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us by Kate Bornstein (memoir)

Real Man Adventures by T Cooper (transition, masculinity, identity politics)

The Trouble with Normal: Sex, Politics, and the Ethics of Queer Life by Michael Warner (queer politics)

*Letters for my Brothers edited by Megan M. Rohrer& Zander Keig (letters by trans men to trans men beginning their journey)

*Letters for my Sisters edited by Andrea James & Deanne Thornton (letters by trans women to trans women beginning their journey)

Redefining Realness by Janet Mock (memoir)

Man Alive by Thomas Page McBee (reflections on masculinity)

Show Trans by Elliott Deline (memoir)

*Trans Bodies, Trans Selves edited by Laura Erickson-Schroth (this brilliant book represents the mosaic of trans lives and experiences on issues from race to sexuality. if you read nothing else, read this)

Beyond Magenta by Susan Kuklin (essays by trans teens)

Hiding My Candy: The Autobiography of the Grand Empress of Savannah by The Lady Chablis (memoir)

Body Alchemy by Loren Cameron (the transitions of different men)

Transgender History by Susan Stryker (a brief history of the transgender community in the USA, however ignores native trans people in favour of settler society)

She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders by Jennifer Finney Boylan (memoir)

S/he by Minnie Bruce Pratt (reflections on gender)

Butch is a Noun by S. Bear Burgman (life outside the gender binary)

Cooking in Heels by Ceyenne Doroshow (memoir shared through recipes. unique)

Trauma Queen by Lovemme Corazón (memoir)

Seasonal Velocities by Ryka Aoki (mix of fiction and nonfiction)

I Rise: The Transformation of Toni Newman by Toni Newman (memoir)

Whipping Girl by Julia Serano (essays on the perception of trans women)

Make Love to Rage by Morgan Robyn Collado (poetry on oppression)

Wanting in Arabic by Trish Salah (poetry on gender, race, and home)

Self-Made Men by Henry Rubin (personal essays and interviews)

Just Add Hormones by Matt Kailey (memoir and reflections)

Hung Jury: Testimonies of Genital Surgery by Transsexual Men edited by Trystan T. Cotten (personal accounts of SRS)

From the Inside Out edited by Morty Diamond (anthology on the fluidity of gender)

Sex Changes by Patrick Califia (recounts on early activists and challenges transphobia)

Transgender Warriors by Leslie Feinberg (showcasing the history of gender)

Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green (memoir and reflections)

Mom I Need to Be a Girl by “Just” Evelyn (memoir on raising a transgender child)

Transition and Beyond, Observations On Gender Identity by Reid Vanderburgh (what it means to be trans)

Branded T by Rosalyne Blumenstein (memoir)

Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue by Leslie Feinberg (essays and speeches on being trans, the gender binary, and the need for an inclusive community)

The Testosterone Files by Max Valerio Wolf (memoir)

Transparent: Love, Family, and Living the T with Transgender Teenagers (author is cis but compelling account of trans teens)

Queerly Beloved by Jacob Anderson-Minshall & Diane Anderson-Minshall (memoir)

Stuck in the Middle with You by Jennifer Finney  Boylan (trans parenthood)

Gender Failure by Ivan E. Coyote & Rae Spoon (memoir)

Queer and Trans Artists of Colour interviews by Nia King (personal interviews)

Happy Reading!

-Sophia

This is Love (snowbaz)

It’s a brush stroke. Colours, lines. The curve of a neck. The balance of light and shadow. A bow across strings becomes a sensation of colour. It’s a man playing his violin. Focus visible on his brows, but his smirk telling a different story, of playfulness and passion. It’s no longer a man, but a manipulation of colour and emotion on canvas. A reflection of energy, rich and bold. A declaration of love that is too explosive to express in any language other than art. Simon loves it.

-    -

Baz loves it. He plays violin for hours. Fingers waltz across strings. Eyes on Simon. Always on Simon. The halo of golden hair. The curve of beautiful deep red wings that he no longer hides at home. The smudge of paint across his cheekbones, eyes constantly dancing between Baz and the canvas. He comes alive when he’s painting; in a way he only ever used to when he used magic.

-    -

This is love. This carefree quiet, an expression of life, a peace they had never had before. It shows in the dedication to detail when Simon paints. In the sensuality of the songs Baz plays. The room is filled with the mixed media of romance. They have found a home, carved it out of the lives they have left behind and created this masterpiece. This tranquility that says ‘we have time’, ‘we’re going to be okay’, ‘nothing can touch us here’. This is love.

The Big List of Trans Books

Fictional with an FtM Character  

  • Beautiful Music for Ugly Children by Kirstin Cronn-Mills
  • F2M: The Boy Within by Hazel Edwards and Ryan Kennedy 
  • I Know Very Well How I Got my Name by Elliot Deline
  • Jumpstart the World by Catherine Ryan Hyde
  • Man Enough by Beth Burnett 
  • Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides (intersex but assigned female)
  • Parrotfish by Ellen Wittlinger
  • Refuse by Elliot DeLine
  • Sacred Country by Rose Tremain
  • Silver by Scott Cairns 
  • Trumpet by Jackie Kay
  • Vintage Toys for Lucky Boys by G.R. Richards 

Fictional with an MtF Character 

  • 10,000 Dresses by Marcus Ewert
  • Adventures of Tulip, Birthday Wish Fairy by S. Bear Bergman
  • Almost Perfect by Brian Katcher
  • Annabel by Kathleen Winter (intersex b assigned male)
  • Being Emily by Rachel Gold
  • Breakfast on Pluto by Patrick McCabe 
  • The Butterfly and the Flame by Dana De Young
  • Danish Girl by David Ebershoff (intersex but assigned male) 
  • Freakboy by Kristin Elizabeth Clark
  • Gamenight: A Role-Play Novel by Leela Ginelle 
  • Luna by Julie Anne Peters
  • Rain by Jocelyn DiDomenick 
  • She’s My Dad by Iolanthe Woulff
  • Transgression by Theo Fenraven
  • Who I Am and What I Want by David Michael O'Quinn 

Non-Fiction General

  • Bisexuality and Transgenderism: Intersexitions of the Others by Fritz Klein Karen
  • Gender Outlaws: Men, Women, and the Rest of Us by Kate Bornstein 
  • How Sex Changed: A History of Transsexuality in the United States by Joanne Meyerowitz
  • In A Queer Time and Place: Transgender Bodies, Subcultural Lives by Judith Halberstam 
  • Invisible Lives: The Erasure of Transsexual and Transgendered People by Viviane Namaste 
  • My Gender Workbook: How to Become a Real Man, a Real Woman, the Real You or Something Else Entirely by Kate Bornstein 
  • Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity by Matt Bernstein Sycamore 
  • The Riddle of Gender by Deborah Rudacille
  • Sex Changes: The Politics of Transgenderism by Patrick Califia 
  • Sexual Metamorphosis: An Anthology of Transsexual Memoirs edited by Jonathan Adams  
  • The Transgender Studies Reader edited by Susan Stryker and Stephen Whittle 
  • The Riddle of Gender by Deborah Rudacille 
  • Transgender 101 by Nicholas M. Teich 
  • Transgender Rights edited by Paisley Currah, Richard M. Juang and Shannon Price Minter 
  • Transition and Beyond, Observations on Gender Identity by Reid Vanderburgh 
  • Transgender Voices: Beyond Women and Men by Lori B. Girshick 

Non-Fiction FtM Specific 

  • A Circus Mirror Day by Corin Ash
  • Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green
  • Body Alchemy: Transsexual Portraits by Loren Cameron
  • Both Sides Now: One Man’s Journey Through Womanhood by Dhillon Khosla
  • From the Inside Out: Radical Gender Transformation, FtM and Beyond edited by Morty Diamond
  • FTM: Female to Male Transsexuals in Society by Holly Devor 
  • Hung Jury: Testimonies of Genital Surgery by Transsexual Men and edited by Trystan T. Cotten
  • Just Add Hormones: An Insider’s Guide to the Transsexual Experience by Matt Kailey 
  • Letters for my Brothers edited by Megan M. Rohrer and Zander Keig
  • Real Man Adventures by T. Cooper
  • Self-Made Men: Identity and Embodiment among Transsexual Men by Henry Rubin 
  • The First Man-Made Man: The Story of Two Sex Changes,One Love Affair, and a Twentieth-Century Medical Revolution by Pagan Kennedy 
  • The Mirror Makes No Sense by Mark A. Cummings
  • The Phallus Palace: Female to Male Transsexuals by Dean Kotula 
  • The Testosterone Files: My Hormonal and Social Transformation from Female to Male by Max Wolfe Valerio 
  • Transmen and FTMs: Identities, Bodies, Genders and Sexualities by Jason Cromwell 

Non-Fiction MtF Specific 

  • A Sort of A-Z Thing by Lily Savage
  • A Personal Autobiography by Christine Jorgensen
  • Branded T by Rosalyne Blumenstein 
  • Dress Codes of Three Girls: My Mother’s, My Father’s and Mine 
  • Feminizing Hormonal Therapy for the Transgendered by Sheila Kirk, M.D.
  • Four Ways to be a Woman by Sue Reidy 
  • Mom: I Need to be a Girl by Just Evelyn 
  • Redefining Realness by Janet Mock
  • Right Side Out: In Tune Within to be in Harmony with the World by Annah Moore
  • She is my Son: The Adrienne Clark Story by Beverly Holland 
  • The Life 1979-1999: The Diaries of Yasimu Quaife by Yasimu Quaife
  • The Woman I Was Not Born to Be: A Transsexual Journey by Aleshia Brevard 
  • Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity by Julia Serano 

For SOFFAS 

  • Gender Born, Gender Made: Raising Healthy Gender Nonconforming Children by Diane Ehrensaft 
  • Helping your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents by Irwin Krieger 
  • She’s Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband by Helen Boyd 
  • Trans Forming Families: Real Stories about Transgender Loved Ones edited by Mary Boenke 
  • Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children edited by Rachel Pepper 
  • True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism - For Families, Friends, Coworkers and Helping Professionals
  • The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals 

If you know of any books not on this list please let me know and I’ll add them in :) 

anonymous asked:

Could we learn more about Alya's relationship with her mother in the Spooky AU? I need a little bit more info. for Marlena, I have an idea for a fic!

Marlena is over a hundred years old, though only recently so. Perhaps 120? Once she reached a hundred years her coat turned white/gold and she earned her Ninth tail, and once she reached that age she realized there was so much she knew and no one to teach it to. She started to think about having a family, but there were no other Kitsune families that she was willing to associate with. The only eligible male was a worthless thief, (later becoming Lila’s father). So she lived her life alone, taking the form of a human female in order to more closely explore her fascinating human neighbors. She always liked humans, she found that they had an incredible capacity to be kind. Not long after she received her ninth tail she met a human man, and things started to fall into place. It wouldnt have been anything for her to keep what she was from him, most Kitsune females who marry human men do that and raise their children either on their own or keep what they are from their father, but she didnt want that. He was such a noble and kind spirited man… she wanted to believe that he could love her still, and that they could raise their children together. And so, after a few years of dating him, she took him into the forest and showed him who she was.

A gorgeous wild white coated fox, with nine tails and powerful glowing eyes.

He freaked out, a little, as was expected. But he was so stunned he wasnt sure how to respond. He left, and she was heartbroken. She was so distraught that she couldnt even reform her human body, she was too distracted and hurt. (When a Kitsune’s emotions are compromised their illusions are as well. When Alya becomes upset, her tails become visible) But she didnt know that the man hadn’t forgotten about her.

About a year later Marlena was still numb and lost, having given up trying to retake human form completely when she became aware of someone tracking her through the woods. She lost the human hunter effortlessly, but as the days went on she noticed he still followed, relentless and determined. She was so bitter and angry at all human men, attempting to destroy what they didnt understand that she turned and pursued the hunter as well, and when she burst upon him in a clearing she stopped in shock as her old love stood there, waiting for her patiently. 

“I’ve been looking for you…”

Immediately upon seeing her even if so much time had passed, he knelt down and reached out for her, and told the fox that he loved her with everything he was. That he was attempting to understand the world he never knew existed, but that he didnt need to understand to know that he loved her. He wanted to be with her, and know her and love her, and he told all of this to the white nine tailed fox. And as she looked on in shock she began to cry, and for the first time in a year she took human form, and kissed him.

Not long after they married, and so soon after that they had their first daughter. The father accepted all the strange things that came with marrying a kitsune, and learned as much as he could to be the best father he could be. 

Alya and Marlena:

Marlena expects a lot of her eldest, and often puts unfair expectations on her as far as being a leading example for her younger sisters. She is very proud of Alya and loves her dearly, and often sees her as a powerful and beautiful young woman. Alya feels a lot of pressure because of this, but ultimately looks up to her mother for a calm voice in times of uncertainty. She admires her father for his ability to be a human man in the middle of so much strangeness. Marlena is extremely protective of all of her children, including Alya and when it comes to ass kicking it doesnt matter how capable she knows alya is, mama will always jump in the front and challenge whatever has come to harm her family. As a result of being an exceptionally old and wise being she is very prideful when it comes to threats her family faces, and will happily and without hesitation destroy anything in front of her. However if there isnt a threat, she is very kind and soft spoken, loves to bake and is very sweet. 

adirtylambandapsychiatrist-deac  asked:

A soft humming is heard nearby as footsteps draw close, a figure starts to become more and more visible of that of a man.

A pale hand poked out from the shadows, obsidian-black claws outstretched in a violent manner as a loud hiss was heard. Plates rose along the creatures back and tail, dark eyes darting around until the settled on the dark figure with tiny white pinpricks.

My friend and I found a video camera. We shouldn't have watched what was on it (r/nosleep)

Credit to- ellanaredfield

My friend’s dad is a homicide detective. He keeps certain files locked up in his home office. But he was out of town for the week, and my friend and I found some interesting things. It wasn’t anything we didn’t really expect. At least at first. Then we found the video camera. We were both confused, because shouldn’t a video camera be locked up somewhere as evidence? Why did her dad have it? Curiosity got the best of us. We charged the thing, and here’s what we saw:

Timestamp: 6/17/11 17:24:56

[A boy is sitting in front of the camera. He is approximately 13 or 14. His eyes are wide and constantly flicking about. The expression on his face is hard to place.]

“Mom gave me this camera a couple of days ago, when dad got sick. She said it was to ‘distract me’. I don’t know what that means. …Well, maybe I do.”

[He pauses for a long moment, visibly mulling over his next words.]

“She doesn’t want me to question why she hasn’t taken Dad to the doctor. I think she’s scared the doctors will make them stop their experiments. They dissect animals for some reason. I don’t know why. They won’t tell me. But I think that got my dad sick and mom doesn’t want me squealing to the doctors. But I’m not going to squeal. I just hope he gets better.”

Timestamp: 6/19/11 20:47:13

[The boy looks exhausted, like he hasn’t slept since the last recording.]

“My dad isn’t getting better. He looks like a zombie from a movie. And he sleeps all the time. He gets angry and yells if I wake him up, and it’s freaking scary. He never yells–he death glares you if you piss him off, but he doesn’t yell. But he called me an ‘ingrateful, worthless little shit’ today because I brought him dinner and accidentally woke him up.”

[The boy bites his lip, then leans forward so he’s closer to the camera. His voice drops to a whisper.]

“I want to tell someone, but I’m afraid of what he and Mom will do to me if I tell. I’m so stuck. What do I do?”

[He looks helpless, and shakes his head weakly before he leans forward and shuts off the camera.]

Timestamp: 6/22/11 3:09:38

[The boy is crying. His sniffles sound staticy through the camera’s audio. He wipes at his eyes constantly in a futile attempt to hide his tears.]

“He’s dead. Mom came in my room a couple of hours ago, made me pause Call of Duty, and she told me. He died. My Dad is dead. And it’s all her fault for not getting him a doctor. I didn’t even get to say goodbye because she didn’t let me go into his room today. He’s gone.”

[He dissolves into soft sobs, his body shaking. The next words are barely audible.]

“I hope she burns in hell.”

Timestamp: 6/23/11 14:01:57

[The boy is outside, sitting in a swing.]

“I’m at my mom’s friend’s house. My mom told me I needed to stay here while she ‘sorted things out’. Mom’s friend Susan hasn’t mentioned Dad, so I think Mom didn’t tell her.”

[He fights a yawn, and the rings beneath his eyes are clearly visible.]

“Mom threatened me on the way here. If I mention anything that has been going on to Susan or my friends or the police or anyone…she said she would dissect me like one of the dogs I’ve seen her catch around the neighborhood to experiment on. I wouldn’t believe her, but she had these fucking crazy eyes. I’m scared, honestly. And so confused.”

[He opens and closes his mouth a few times, as though trying to find more words to say. Eventually he gives up and just turns off the camera.]

Timestamp: 6/25/11 22:23:17

[It’s dark except for a TV. The boy’s face is hardly visible. His hair is no longer spiked as it has been the past several videos and it falls in his face.]

“Something weird is going on. I’ve been hearing noises at night. Footsteps and stuff. Maybe it’s my imagination, but it seems too real. I hear it downstairs around the same time every night. I want to check it out, but I’m nervous. Maybe it’s Mom, and she’ll stab me for being out of bed or something. I don’t know. She’s been freaking me out.”

[He wipes a hand across his face tiredly. He no longer looks like a young teenager. Instead, he looks like he’s in his 20’s or 30’s.]

“I can hear it now actually. I don’t think the video camera will pick it up. I’m going to try though.”

[He stops talking, puts the TV on mute, and sits in silence. For a moment, there is no noise. Then, very faintly, a thumping noise sounds from somewhere far off. It wouldn’t be noticeable if one wasn’t listening for it.]

“I don’t know if that worked. But it’s there. I’m going to go investigate. Tomorrow, though. When I’m better prepared. Goodnight.”

Timestamp: 6/26/11 23:16:48

[The boy has the night mode turned on the video camera. His face is made green by the nightvision. He appears to be in a hallway. His voice is a whisper so quiet we had to turn the video up to full volume to hear.]

“Mom is asleep. I have a baseball bat. I’m going to go investigate these noises. Because I know I’m not hearing things. They’re coming from the basement, I know it.”

[He turns the camera towards the stairs, and walks quietly down them. He then walks into the empty living room and pauses. His breathing is audible, as well as the same thumping noises from the previous video.

The camera pans to a large wooden door. It locks from the outside. The boy’s breathing hitches, but he turns the lock and opens the door. The thumping noises become louder, and shuffling and grunting noises are heard.

The boy walks quietly down the stairs.]

“Hello?”

[Shuffling continues. Something flashes in the corner of the camera. The boy points the camera towards it, and a man becomes visible, naked and chained to the wall. His eyes glow in the green hue of the camera. The boy cries out.]

“Dad? Dad, are you okay?”

[The dad snarls. The boy walks closer, powered by shock and not realizing stupidity. He is just a few feet away, and it’s obvious the man is covered in stains. Lumps litter the floor around him. Meat. A dog carcass is barely visible in a corner, mostly picked clean.]

“Dad?”

[The boy sounds terrified. He knows it’s his father, but he also knows it’s not anymore. He starts to back away, and the man lunges.

The camera clatters to the floor. Only the corner with the dog carcass is visible. There are screams of ‘dad! No! Daddy please!’ and the sounds of a scuffle. Soon the words turn to simple noises, then gargles, then silence except for the sounds of chewing.

A few moments later, hurried footsteps are heard. A woman lets out a horrified gasp. The camera is picked up, and the film ends.]

After sitting in horrified silence for a few minutes, we searched for more information on what the fuck we had just seen. We found a few papers in a file. The father, Robert Dandral, was found dead in the basement of the home. The cause of death was determined to be a severe, untreated case of rabies. The body of his 13-year-old son, Tyler Dandral, were also found. Not much of him besides bones remained, and a cause of death could not be determined. The mother, Heather Dandral, disappeared and has not yet been found.

My friend and I found a video camera. We shouldn't have watched what was on it - (r/nosleep)

My friend’s dad is a homicide detective. He keeps certain files locked up in his home office. But he was out of town for the week, and my friend and I found some interesting things. It wasn’t anything we didn’t really expect. At least at first. Then we found the video camera. We were both confused, because shouldn’t a video camera be locked up somewhere as evidence? Why did her dad have it? Curiosity got the best of us. We charged the thing, and here’s what we saw:

Timestamp: 6/17/11 17:24:56

[A boy is sitting in front of the camera. He is approximately 13 or 14. His eyes are wide and constantly flicking about. The expression on his face is hard to place.]

“Mom gave me this camera a couple of days ago, when dad got sick. She said it was to ‘distract me’. I don’t know what that means. …Well, maybe I do.”

[He pauses for a long moment, visibly mulling over his next words.]

“She doesn’t want me to question why she hasn’t taken Dad to the doctor. I think she’s scared the doctors will make them stop their experiments. They dissect animals for some reason. I don’t know why. They won’t tell me. But I think that got my dad sick and mom doesn’t want me squealing to the doctors. But I’m not going to squeal. I just hope he gets better.”

Timestamp: 6/19/11 20:47:13

[The boy looks exhausted, like he hasn’t slept since the last recording.]

“My dad isn’t getting better. He looks like a zombie from a movie. And he sleeps all the time. He gets angry and yells if I wake him up, and it’s freaking scary. He never yells–he death glares you if you piss him off, but he doesn’t yell. But he called me an ‘ingrateful, worthless little shit’ today because I brought him dinner and accidentally woke him up.”

[The boy bites his lip, then leans forward so he’s closer to the camera. His voice drops to a whisper.]

“I want to tell someone, but I’m afraid of what he and Mom will do to me if I tell. I’m so stuck. What do I do?”

[He looks helpless, and shakes his head weakly before he leans forward and shuts off the camera.]

Timestamp: 6/22/11 3:09:38

[The boy is crying. His sniffles sound staticy through the camera’s audio. He wipes at his eyes constantly in a futile attempt to hide his tears.]

“He’s dead. Mom came in my room a couple of hours ago, made me pause Call of Duty, and she told me. He died. My Dad is dead. And it’s all her fault for not getting him a doctor. I didn’t even get to say goodbye because she didn’t let me go into his room today. He’s gone.”

[He dissolves into soft sobs, his body shaking. The next words are barely audible.]

“I hope she burns in hell.”

Timestamp: 6/23/11 14:01:57

[The boy is outside, sitting in a swing.]

“I’m at my mom’s friend’s house. My mom told me I needed to stay here while she ‘sorted things out’. Mom’s friend Susan hasn’t mentioned Dad, so I think Mom didn’t tell her.”

[He fights a yawn, and the rings beneath his eyes are clearly visible.]

“Mom threatened me on the way here. If I mention anything that has been going on to Susan or my friends or the police or anyone…she said she would dissect me like one of the dogs I’ve seen her catch around the neighborhood to experiment on. I wouldn’t believe her, but she had these fucking crazy eyes. I’m scared, honestly. And so confused.”

[He opens and closes his mouth a few times, as though trying to find more words to say. Eventually he gives up and just turns off the camera.]

Timestamp: 6/25/11 22:23:17

[It’s dark except for a TV. The boy’s face is hardly visible. His hair is no longer spiked as it has been the past several videos and it falls in his face.]

“Something weird is going on. I’ve been hearing noises at night. Footsteps and stuff. Maybe it’s my imagination, but it seems too real. I hear it downstairs around the same time every night. I want to check it out, but I’m nervous. Maybe it’s Mom, and she’ll stab me for being out of bed or something. I don’t know. She’s been freaking me out.”

[He wipes a hand across his face tiredly. He no longer looks like a young teenager. Instead, he looks like he’s in his 20’s or 30’s.]

“I can hear it now actually. I don’t think the video camera will pick it up. I’m going to try though.”

[He stops talking, puts the TV on mute, and sits in silence. For a moment, there is no noise. Then, very faintly, a thumping noise sounds from somewhere far off. It wouldn’t be noticeable if one wasn’t listening for it.]

“I don’t know if that worked. But it’s there. I’m going to go investigate. Tomorrow, though. When I’m better prepared. Goodnight.”

Timestamp: 6/26/11 23:16:48

[The boy has the night mode turned on the video camera. His face is made green by the nightvision. He appears to be in a hallway. His voice is a whisper so quiet we had to turn the video up to full volume to hear.]

“Mom is asleep. I have a baseball bat. I’m going to go investigate these noises. Because I know I’m not hearing things. They’re coming from the basement, I know it.”

[He turns the camera towards the stairs, and walks quietly down them. He then walks into the empty living room and pauses. His breathing is audible, as well as the same thumping noises from the previous video.

The camera pans to a large wooden door. It locks from the outside. The boy’s breathing hitches, but he turns the lock and opens the door. The thumping noises become louder, and shuffling and grunting noises are heard.

The boy walks quietly down the stairs.]

“Hello?”

[Shuffling continues. Something flashes in the corner of the camera. The boy points the camera towards it, and a man becomes visible, naked and chained to the wall. His eyes glow in the green hue of the camera. The boy cries out.]

“Dad? Dad, are you okay?”

[The dad snarls. The boy walks closer, powered by shock and not realizing stupidity. He is just a few feet away, and it’s obvious the man is covered in stains. Lumps litter the floor around him. Meat. A dog carcass is barely visible in a corner, mostly picked clean.]

“Dad?”

[The boy sounds terrified. He knows it’s his father, but he also knows it’s not anymore. He starts to back away, and the man lunges.

The camera clatters to the floor. Only the corner with the dog carcass is visible. There are screams of ‘dad! No! Daddy please!’ and the sounds of a scuffle. Soon the words turn to simple noises, then gargles, then silence except for the sounds of chewing.

A few moments later, hurried footsteps are heard. A woman lets out a horrified gasp. The camera is picked up, and the film ends.]

After sitting in horrified silence for a few minutes, we searched for more information on what the fuck we had just seen. We found a few papers in a file. The father, Robert Dandral, was found dead in the basement of the home. The cause of death was determined to be a severe, untreated case of rabies. The body of his 13-year-old son, Tyler Dandral, were also found. Not much of him besides bones remained, and a cause of death could not be determined. The mother, Heather Dandral, disappeared and has not yet been found.

—–

written by elianaredfield

This wish of mine

Pairing: Tentoo x Rose

Rating: Teen

Words: ~1800

Summary: When the Doctor went back to 2005 to see Rose one last time, it created a memory in her mind. Even in a parallel universe, she remembers. Hurt/comfort and fluff.

Ao3                          FF.net

The Doctor is looking at Rose sleeping in his bed, her blond hair fanned out on the pillow. The morning light bounces off glitter on her shoulders, leftover from last night’s New Year’s Eve party.

He thinks back on her strapless gown, the way it had fell smoothly to the floor. For the first time, there had been no questions, no hesitation— maybe it was the champagne or the tuxedo he’d been wearing— but last night she’d followed him to his bedroom, keeping her hand in his as they walked down the hall.

Back in Norway, they’d dived head first into their new relationship, desperate to believe that nothing had changed between them. Only to realize that no amount of pretending would erase the fact that their lives were completely different. They’d had to step back and take things slowly. The transition from travelling through time and space to a normal routine life in a parallel world was difficult for both of them. They were mourning their old life.

So, when he sees her smile in her sleep, it makes his human heart swell in his chest, doubling in volume with his love for her.

 

It’s a perfect morning.

And yet… there’s a nagging feeling that something’s amiss. He can’t quite pinpoint it, nor ignore it, like something itchy in your sock.

 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Sorry if this sounds really ignorant but is being trans a choice? My brother is FTM and he said that he "just knew" he wasn't a girl. How does someone raised as a girl realize they're a boy?

Zak: The short and simple answer to your question is no, being trans isn’t a choice. There are a lot of different ways that trans people think about what it means to be trans, but overall most people accept that it isn’t something that someone just wakes up deciding to be. No one knows what makes people trans, but some researchers suggest that it could be related to hormones a fetus is exposed to in the womb. 

There are all sorts of different ways that people realize that they are trans. Some people realize when they are 3 or 4 years old, while other people don’t realize until they are adults. Someone might realize that they are a boy, for instance, because they feel discomfort with their body during puberty and hate their developing breasts and wish they had a flat chest. I personally took a long time to figure things out. I was confused for awhile because I couldn’t imagine myself as an adult woman in the future and never felt like I fit in with other women. It wasn’t that I had more masculine interests or hobbies, in fact I don’t really, it was deeper than that and really a lot more difficult to describe.

If you’re really interested in this, I’d recommend reading an autobiography of a trans man that goes into more detail about the personal journey of figurings things out and what it feels like to be trans. A few that I’d recommend are Just Add Hormones, Becoming a Visible Man, or Second Son. Each of those books are from the perspectives of quite different people, though all are trans men. If you are a cisgender woman (a woman who was assigned female at birth), than it may be difficult for you to understand how your brother could identify as male or what it would feel like to feel male. It might be more useful to imagine what it would be like if you felt the way about your gender that you do now, but that you were assigned male at birth instead. To provide another perspective, you might want to read Redefining Realness, which is by a trans woman. 

I hope that at least provides a good start for better understanding your brother!