Any type of relationship, anywhere, takes a baseline level of practical effort to make it happen. Before you can even get to the emotional, state-of-the-relationship, “where are we going?” “what am I to you?” “do we still make sense for each other?” efforts, you have to deal with the texting and the hanging out. And in this city specifically, I don’t know about you, but I work an average of 50 hours a week, plus 10 of transit time, and between that, working out, and sleeping, I have to like someone an awful lot–friend, date, or whatever–to get on a crowded, potentially smelly, Subway train to go and see them. And that’s after we’ve both made the effort to stay in touch, to answer texts in a timely manner, to find a time that works for both of us to hang out. I live with Eleanor, and I still sometimes go three days without seeing her except when we pass on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
It’s kind of depressing on the one hand. But on the other hand, it makes it the relationships you do maintain a true treasure. There are friends–and guys to date or sleep with–that I hang out with despite our disparate schedules and priorities and lives. And now that I’m sitting here thinking about them in the context of your question, it’s filling my heart with a really sweet warmth, because that’s something pretty special.
That said, there is nothing wrong with a fleeting relationship. One of the characters in either a Jane Austen book or a Jane Austen movie, I can’t remember which even though I’ve seen/read them all far too many times, says something like, “some people you can know for 7 days and feel like you’ve known them forever, and other people 7 years wouldn’t be enough time to know them.” This isn’t exactly what she was talking about, but I feel like I know Jane well enough to know she would agree that just because something was brief, doesn’t mean it wasn’t important.