Going into your friends house (are we still friends?) when they are not there is very uncomfortable and not okay. Especially for me today. All I could think about was last time I was there and what a bitch I was. It was all I could do to keep from crying. I just can’t believe myself. I keep going over it and over it in my head, everything I said, everything I did. I was hurt, and I acted like a child and I am completely disgusted with myself. I can’t believe I did that. What on earth would have possessed me to act that way? I just want to make it better, but I know I cant. Nothing I can say or do will ever make it better. You can never take words back, no matter how much I want to. I’m so upset that we aren’t nearly as close or friendly as we used to be, and for a while I blamed everyone else. I really did. It was everyone else’s fault but mine. But of course it wasn’t. It was absolutely my fault. 100%. And I can never fix it. And that absolutely kills me.
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