because-she's-actually-gotten-so-much-better

anonymous asked:

WHY DOES AUTUMN HATE HERSELF WHY IS SHE SO BEATEN UP SHE DESERVES BETTER

[yes she does! unfortunately

  • she’s completely disgusted with herself, both physically and mentally
  • she got sold out as a soldier because her family needed the money and she’s spent the last eight years of her life fighting for a country that wasn’t hers in the first place and will never really be
  • because she really doesn’t have any friends, she lacks the support system she has in canon, so her self-loathing has gotten the better of her (to the point where she takes unnecessary risks in battle hoping it’ll lead to her own death because she hates herself so much)
  • her husband is/was a jerk and p much all they do is fight
  • she’s entirely convinced said husband wants NOTHING to do with her and would be better off if she did die in a fight tbch
  • they actually love each other very much but neither is willing to say so- either Autumn does when trying to explain why she takes so many risks or Baird does in a moment of emotional weakness- and until then are in this weird Schrödinger’s relationship where they both hate their partner and also don’t 

so Autumn is just ready to go out in some blaze of self-imagined glory because her self-hatred has gotten to the point where she sees no other future for herself.]

supersoldieress asked:

Bruce, Cass, and Harper?

Bruce: How is (or was) your relationship with your parents? We’re pretty close, thankfully, since I still live at home. My parents had me kind of late in life when they had mellowed out a lot, so it’s like the normal youngest child gets it easy and then some. They’re pretty chill about like…everything. I never really got in trouble over anything, even as little kid. When I was in high school, my mom and I did have fights for a while, because my mom was very passive-aggressive, and I couldn’t tell when something upset her until she finally blew up about it months later, which left me confused bc she never said anything before. Buuut since I got older, I’ve gotten much better at reading her, and now we almost never fight. Actually, we’re pretty similar in terms of mental health and forgetfulness, so we commiserate a lot over stuff. I find myself unconsciously mirroring stuff she does a lot. 

My dad’s really good at giving advice too, so I go to him with problems a lot. He always made sure I was thinking for myself and not just blindly accepting whatever I was told (particularly in regard to politics, since I went to an extremely conservative school). He’s super generous too…like to a ridiculous amount. He buys me a lot of stuff, even when I tell him not to. I’m also spoiled in that my parents, especially my dad, actually really enjoy doing cleaning and laundry (I know, I know), so I never really have to do any chores. They’re also really indulgent and encourage my hobbies, whether it be anime or Shakespeare. We’re really casual and open; our fatal flaw as a family is that we’re all so laidback it’s very hard for anyone to decide something ( ‘idk what do you want’ is out house motto).
Cass: Can you read people/body language well? Not so much when I was younger, but I think I’m pretty good at it now, particularly if I know the person. My admitted blindspot is in regards to people’s sexuality… my internal gaydar is broken. Though in some ways this has helped me. Knowing I was off a lot on the time in this regard, I learned a long time ago just to never assume you knew someone’s orientation.
Harper: Got any siblings? What are they like? I have two big sisters, who are both a lot older than me. The oldest one, Kristin, is an English teacher in Arizona, which means she and I usually can take books pretty often. She’s very confident and self-assured, which makes her bossy a lot of the time, but she also is good at helping you stand up for yourself. Kristin’s also very skilled in applying make-up and nail polish, so she helps me out in those areas too. She looooves David Bowie, indie rock, and, most of all, concerts–she goes to like twenty annually. How she is not deaf is beyond me. Kristin comes for a month in the summer to escape the desert heat, and she’s usually here for most big holidays. 

My other sister is Emily, who is a missionary in Australia. She’s married and has two kids, Oliver and Esther. Emily’s kind of a hipster, though she’s grown out of it some in the past few years (her husband not as much). She used to do some dancing and singing programs with kids in the area, but since Oliver was born she had to pretty much become a stay at home mom; my nephew Oliver has Dravet syndrome which gives him intense and regular seizures, meaning he has to be closely supervised at all times. I haven’t been able to see her very much for the past few years because of this, but I really admire her dedication to her family. She’s given up a lot for them. 

anonymous asked:

Snapshot, Cherries, Solder

Snapshot - what they’re currently doing

She wasn’t sure how long it’d been since Night’s visit, but she knew two things for absolute certain. One: It was now dark, meaning time had actually passed. Two: this headache was not getting any better.
Curls had stumbled into bed before it’d gotten much worse, which had proven useful because now she didn’t feel like moving at all. Brendon had curled up beside her and meowed sadly at her every so often. She wasn’t sure if he was ill because she was, or if the illness had actually spread to his feline form by itself. Honestly, she didn’t have room in her head next to the headache to really think about it.
With great effort, she lifted up one arm to scratch his head, which drew a pathetic attempt at a sound from him,

“It’s okay boy, they’ll fix it. They will.”

Cherries - as a member of Katton

I imagine she’d like it there, but she’d be withdrawn from everyone else. She’d probably have a house and a circle and live somewhat reclusively, only really interacting with Kaja, partly because she trusts her, but mostly because she knows she can’t hurt her.

Solder has been done!

I switched schools in January, so I haven’t been at my new school very long, so my relationships with the teachers aren’t the kind where I open up completely to them. But during a study hall in my Psychology today class, my teacher probably gave me the best advice that ever I’ve heard. She said that I would be okay, that people don’t actually care what size you are. They want someone whose confident and funny and bunch of other adjectives that I’m to happy to remember right now.

And I think two things about that:
1. That was the best advice I could have gotten, especially at my age. I put so much pressure on myself because I want people to like me, even if it’s just a little. And she gave what I needed to smile.
2. I’ve known her for about four months, and after just four months she given me better advice than my parents, friends, or family ever has. Everybody is always telling me what to do to fix a problem that I never saw. To lose the weight, to workout every day. They tell me not to wear the things that I feel most comfortable in; I mean when I was ten, my mother dressed me like a 20 year old. I felt completely out of place and ashamed, then when I got to high school I took more control and wore some of what I wanted. And she would just tell me not to, or sigh, or do that face where you can tell their lying through their teeth.

So seventeen years with my family, being the bigger girl in the family, and the “bigger” girl in class; all I heard was negativity. And in just four months this woman saw herself in seventeen year old me and told me what every girl with self image issues and social anxiety needs to hear.

She told me to be myself, and I couldn’t thank her enough for it.