because-i-was-torn-on-this-moment

Ricky had the last of his spending cash riding on this hand. Two pair. Queens and nines and it should be a winning hand. Should double his winnings and let him call his contact tonight so he could head downtown and take care of that itch running at the back of his eyes. He’d chewed the cuticles of his nails raw, red and torn skin because it had been too long and he needed something. This was his ticket. 

Until the person across from him pulled out a straight, laying their cards down on the table. Ricky stared at them for a moment and threw his cards down in anger, running his hands back over his head. “How the fuck do you keep winning?” he growled out, shaking his head because that was it. There’d be no relief from this ache until his next job. Until he got paid. 

“You’re cheating somehow, dude, I know you are,” he said, pointing across the table. “You gotta be. Where you hiding these, you a magician or some shit? Do card tricks for kicks?” 

Wedding Blues.

Sorry if you’re tired of hearing about it, I’m tired of talking about it.
I’m feeling very…moody. I’m just stressed with the wedding so close and these final days are feeling very long leading up to it. Here’s my current dilemma:

I originally didn’t want Julissa or Annelise at the ceremony namely because Juli wouldn’t be able to sit through it quietly and would most likely run up and want me to hold her (because of all the people there). I know that sounds selfish but for one day for just 20 min. I didn’t want to have to be Mom- I just wanted to be in the moment. But now the girl who said she’d watch them during the ceremony is like “wah I suck”. I can’t ask anyone to miss the ceremony to be with them and I’m torn. So now Juli will most likely be with us during the ceremony and I’m just bleh. This sounds like I don’t love her but clearly that’s not the case.

There was a nice moment on my way home from work when Liam poked his head out the window from my lap to take note of a papillon crossing the road just as She’s a Lady began playing.

I’m having a decidedly unladylike moment trying find the most unwhorish way to kill time, unfortunately, due to sit lie ordinances and the hour, ITS A LITTLE HARD. currently sitting on the steps of a bank, listening to a group of white women in gauzy dresses and gladiator sandals with their white male companion describe the Mary’s dancers as “not even artistic. It’s sad.” And I’m torn between wanting to rip them to shreds and just hoping he hurries up because I’m not only early, he is officially late and my timeline on not being harassed is officially over.

I love looking at people smile. The way their eyes light up when they receive good news and how a simple, genuine smile can touch a torn heart.

I love how contagious a smile can be, how something so simple can give new meaning to such a specific word.

I love catching couples steal a kiss when they think that no one is looking. I love catching that second after their kiss because that’s when the moment really takes place. I love how they share this look topped with passion and a sparkle in their eyes.

I love how honest people are when they’re in love and how their expressions change when they’re having a heartfelt conversation like their perception of the world changes for the better.

I love how a Father plays with his son and looks at his daughter like she’s the most beautiful person that he’s ever laid his eyes on. I love the way he holds her like she’s fragile and too perfect to experience any sort of pain and heartache.

How her eyes remind him of her Mother, even when she’s sleepy. How every smile makes him think of her Mother too. I love watching his chest swell with pride when he makes her laugh from her stomach. I love how protective he is of her, how he’ll protect her no matter the consequences.

I love that special bond that people share that no words can describe, like how they finish each other’s sentences and know what they like to eat or drink; even those looks they share and immediately know what the other person is thinking about.

I love how couples plan their future together. How they choose furniture, paint, towels and everything else that makes a house a home but how they mostly get this look on their faces that their dreams have finally come true, that every morning they get to wake up next to the person who they love unconditionally and that nothing else in the world really matters, not even the color of their walls or their towels.

anonymous asked:

Hey :) For the anon who asked about favourite TFW episodes... I have 3 in season 8: Hunteri heroici (8 x 8) is probably my favourite one, it's fun but also has the Dean/Cas "talk to me" moment in the hotel room and i just ♥ / Torn and frayed (8 x 10) which hurts because of Cas being mind controlled, but Dean and Sam basically spend the whole episode helping Cas / Goodbye Stranger (8 x 17) which is one of my fave Destiel episode (crypt scene) and just hurts sooo good. I loved season 8 so much! xo

These are some of my faves as well. :) Passing it on to the anon!

To top off my ‘weekend’ my keyboard and scanner have stopped working.

I’ve spent the last hour plus, frankenstein-ing this monstrosity of a keyboard and I have no faith in this lasting more than a few hours. My scanner is beyond it for the moment.

All I want to do is type up my scribbles. Why is the world so against me doing this?

I am at the end of my rope. I’m torn between not caring anymore and… I don’t even know.

Only ranting here because I have no one else to tell or turn to, they would just start the whole ‘oh but people have it so much worse then you’ or ‘oh you’re not going on about that depression thing are you? You know that is just in your head right? It’s not a real thing’

So ignore this, I just need to get my, anger? Annoyance? Foul bloody mood and utter spite at the horror show and pain that began on Thursday? One of them, maybe all, out there.

Does nothing but makes me feel better.

To you who promised me “To Infinity and Beyond” but ended up leaving me all alone…

You used to write me letters. Letters that were maybe not that many or too poetic, but enough to make me feel special and that I somehow have a place in your life. Letters I never even expected, letters that just pop up in my bag or in my pocket or in my hands unexpectedly. Unfortunately, those letters became the proof of the pain. Seeing them… no, just by the mere fact that they exist, kept and treasured by me, makes me want to cry all over again. I’m sorry because those letters are probably in some sort of junk site right now, all torn and rip apart by rage and overpowered emotion at a stir of a moment.

But whatever. I just think I owe you one so I am writing this. And you know me, I hate it when I have a debt to someone because it makes me feel that I am not fully entitled to myself, like someone partly owns me. Or maybe not… maybe you do not know that. Which makes me think if we really had been bestfriends. Were we? Because I remember how it all started like a thunder, and I also perfectly remember how it all ended like a thunder, too. I don’t really know what happened there.

I loved you. So much. I mean, not in the way Jacob Black loved Isabella Swan before Renesmee but the way Jacob loved Bella after Renesmee. I almost loved you more than I loved myself. Because you were such a good person, you know? You are so strong and brave, and honest, and such a sweet person. You are responsible and funny and genuine and lovely. You have a great mind and you understood me (or so I think, I guess). You are the kind of person whom I will always adore no matter what. I still do.

I am sorry for everything. For pushing you away too hard that you have been badly hurt, for leaving you hanging, for making you feel like you are stupid, for not trying, for not being good enough and deserving your friendship, for not appreciating you. Believe me though, I do. I just didn’t know how to show it, or how you’d react if I do. Maybe it was because I feel like you’re always there, behind me, never leaving me, that I took you for granted. Maybe it was because you promised that you will never ever leave me and you will stay; to infinity and beyond. Or maybe it was because you hold my hands every time and you said that it was only my hands that is allowed to hold yours. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know where everything went down, where the foundation that was once so strong, broke apart.

Still, I am grateful. Because it’s only once you will encounter a person like you, and I got that privilege. I was comforted, I was understood, I was cherished, I was loved. I learned my lessons, too. Thank you for being there for me, when even me, myself can’t stand my bitchy attitude and moody personality any longer. Thank you for being there me for me when no one else was. Thank you for trying to be my last string. Although our to infinity and beyond didn’t really happen, still.

Lastly- thank you for leaving me and giving up on me. Thank you so much because I realized what I was supposed to realize.

Honestly, though? You leaving me, makes me think that if I can’t even make a bestfriend stay, then what right do I have to make someone, anyone, stay? I would be lying if I will say that I am not hurting any more, or I’m also better off without you. It still hurts when I remember when you said that you’re used to my absence; how you put it that way, and how you said it without any hesitation. What made it even worse is you saying you’re sorry afterwards. Like in a breakup “sorry you’re not good enough anymore”. It still pains me to think that I actually tied my last string of hope to you. Not that I regret it, or blame you for all that has happened because we both know it’s our faults- but I just felt like I already knew this would happen, but I still went on anyways. But this: I am learning to live my life without depending on anyone or their words or promises, including you; is definitely not a lie. I am now my own last string of hope.

I hope you are happy because I am now happy. Not quite, but happy. Please do know that I am not saying goodbye because I don’t think we are worth fighting for, but because I think we are so much better off this way. And you were my bestfriend, and you made life easy to handle. So what’s there to regret? You gave me words that temporarily filled all the gaps and holes of my heart at the moment and you gave me things I never thought I was worthy of- time, love, attention. Now keep that smile, please. The genuine one, I mean. I know people all over the world will love it.

So… I guess this is the destination? Well. It was fun. Tragic, but definitely worth it. Yeah. Goodbye, babe.

anonymous asked:

I really really really want the finale to be shocking, like I hope Charles isn't Wren or Ezra or someone like them

Yeah. I’m torn because it would be so great to be shocked but that’s only good for the moment, you know? Then you’re going to wonder why it was them and it’s not going to make sense… I don’t know. I just want it to make sense. And I don’t see how it could make sense with anybody but Wren

anonymous asked:

what do you ship in magi?

This is a tough question, because I’ve only watched the anime so far, and nothing immensely shippy has happened yet, except for the Morgiana x Hakuryuu moment, which I liked. ^^

That being said, I’m still torn between Morgiana x Hakuryuu and Morgiana x Alibaba. Because I feel like one of the episodes was heavily hinting Morgiana x Hakuryuu and Alibaba x Kougyoku, and my gut tells me this is actually the direction the series might pursue.

 I’ve heard a few spoilers from friends, and I know there have been a few more Alibaba x Morgiana things that happened, and I look forward to reading those. But right now, where I am in the series, Alibaba seems to see Morgiana as a friend, while Morgiana does kind of like Alibabba, but also admires and is grateful to him for what he had done for her. Plus, there’s the sticky subject of Hakuryuu currently being all evil at the moment, and stuff. ^^’ So, it’s kind of complicated, and likewise, my feelings are also kind of complicated haha.

nohrtrash asked:

2,7,8, and 10 for the mass effect questions :D

crashes in

2. What’s your favorite part of the triology?

→ i’m torn between the ending of me2 when you see the reapers appearing, and the moment in me3 where shep/LI take the time to think about themselves and enjoy little moments where they can (apollo’s w/ ash, for example)

7. Most heartbreaking moment in each part of the triology and why?

→ ha h ah a so many why god

→ me1: virmire, honestly. i hate it because, regardless of whether its ash or kaidan i leave, it feels like im leaving a part of shepard behind

→ me2: shepard waking up, because you know they’re alone

→ me3: the fuckin conduit run i just? ? ?? buries self in moist earth

8. What’s your favorite loyalty mission in ME2?

→ grunt’s mission and tali’s mission are my favourites, bc a) wrex, and b) i’ll do anything for kal’reegar

10. Funniest moments in the triology?

→ there are literally too many for me to list here

→ but “tali, I’m not a lawyer!” literally kills me everytime. exasperated shepard or sarcastic shepard moments tend to stand out for me

anonymous asked:

Bradford

1) I’m sure you all know this already, but I absolutely LOVE William Bradford.

2) My favourite trait is how direct and outspoken he is. You never have to guess what he’s thinking because he just comes right out and says it.

3) My favourite moment with him is right after Washington destroys Lee, then turns to Bradford and asks how far the cavalry is. You’d think Bradford would be upset that his favourite general just got torn a new asshole, but he just looks so done. Like he couldn’t give less of a fuck about the whole situation. Lee looks at him for help, and all he gets is

4) If I could have one of Bradford’s traits, I would want to be as outspoken as he is. I could get a hell of a lot more accomplished if it wasn’t for my frustrating inclination toward subtlety. 

5) I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that the answer may incriminate me.

6) Bradford first captured my attention with the words “Is it treason to speak the facts in this army now?” Because the fact that freedom of speech also extends to views different than your own is something a lot of people seem to forget. And once he had my attention, he kept it, and quickly became one of my favourite characters.

7) I don’t have an OTP here, because we only see him interact with a few characters, and none of them are ones I’d consider OTP material.

(For the Put a character in my ask box thingie)

lizzinbizzin asked:

I honestly love the fact that Ava is no longer, for the moment, bound by her anxieties, that she is finally free to do what she wants and that she can do what she wants. But this personality of hers, I just feel concerned because this violence... while the potential is there, she did threaten to kill wrathia after all, it just seems like she's gonna regret it somehow. But that's just me

bro. bro I feel like she’ll feel a bit torn. Like, what’s going on right now is a HUGE change. I doubt she’ll just snap her fingers and voilà all anxiety is gone. I really want to see how she handles this change.

Author Appreciation Week: Fic Rec 5

Questions by hineko

This fic is delightful, and adorable! Young!Souji is such a brat in the best way possible. This fic does a great job of keeping Souji in character while making his behavior realistic for a child. In the characterization of young Souji you can see flashes of how he will become the man he does later on, but at the moments it’s all pretty innocence (ok, maybe not totally innocent this is Souji we’re talking about). Souji and Hijikata’s interactions are fantastic, and get me laughing. And Kondo is just trying so hard to be the best older brother figure he can be, and is so charmingly sincere about it. I wish their were more fics from their Shieikan days, because this is wonderful, funny, and heart warming. I sometimes use this fic to help make me feel better after I get my heart torn out by fics that focus on many of the heavier/darker themes of Hakuouki. Sometimes you just need something sweet, to help you feel good. And this fic does that. It’s just really really great.

(I also apologize if this review seems less ‘in depth.’ I have a splitting headache. So putting thoughts into words is a bit difficult at the moment. )

cinnamonrollwannabe asked:

Once you get this you have to share six random facts about yourself and pass this on to 10 of your favorite followers! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

WHoo thank you! I think I did this before, but, I’ll try to come with some new facts.

1. I’m going to move to Oslo soon to study history, since I got accepted today heyheyhey!! (still can’t believe it haah) 

2. My legs are full of bruises because I’m clumsy af and always run into things  

3. I’m constantly torn between writing or drawing and mostly end up doing completely other things instead 

4. My favorite musician is Grimes

5. I’m seriously considering to dye my hair green 

6. I’m so weak for dogs, like honestly the moment I see one on the street, I get the biggest grin and it can brighten up my whole day. 

Still trying to figure things out I guess?

I’m having a moment where I feel very feminine which hasn’t happened in well over a year. Basically since I switched from identifying as genderfluid to genderqueer/transmasc. I’m torn because for the last year basically 95% of the time I’m much happier with he/him pronouns, the name Chrys and a more masculine presentation and style of dress and the last five percent was a neutral ‘meh’.  While all of that still holds true right now, I’m wearing a little red dress that’s been in the back of my closet for years and DAMN do I look hot in this thing and it’s not triggering any physical dysphoria unlike the other times I’ve tried on skirts and dresses.

At least until I get to my face (It’s a full length on the floor so I can’t see all of myself at once). Then I hit that ‘boy in a dress’ feeling that kinda ruins it but as long as it’s from the neck down I can seriously appreciate the way this thing looks on me. 

It’s making me really insecure though at the same time. I guess I’m afraid I’m invalidating myself or by embracing even a tiny bit of appreciation for what I currently got it means I’m a liar.

Sometimes I still like to feel pretty though, even in the privacy of my own bedroom. 

Yeah, so speaking of food, I’m hungry but actually getting up and making something to eat will take away from my quiet/sitting on my ass time, so I’m not gonna do it.

I’ve been cranky mccrankypants since the moment I woke up basically, for no goddamn reason. I feel disconnected and unfocused and frustrated because packing is like this Big Huge Deal but I can only really work on it in little bitty chunks. The result is that everything is half done and torn apart there’s no rhyme or reason to any of it. Furthermore, Little Dude is very clingy lately, which makes it x times harder to work on a task from beginning to middle to end.

Oh, and also, my crankiness is making Husband feel upset/shut out, and that’s super bad because it is 100% not his fault.

Argh. Are we there yet?

megan-the-magical asked:

Devektra

  1. Do you love/hate/don’t feel strongly about this character?: look at my header picture, isn’t it enough? love my queen of everything, god bless her
  2. What’s your favorite trait of this character?: smooth and sassy as fuck.
  3. What’s your favorite moment/even involving this character?: I’m torn between her moment in TLDOL in chapter 6 because I just love the polka dots in her hair and her ‘blah blah blah’ and ‘nah’ parts because I was like ‘gOD SHE’S A DORK’ and her comeback in the navigator because it was pure badassness. I’m still recovering that impales mog on a gird pole moment
  4. If you could have one power/attribute/etc. of this character, what would it be?: changing colors! or manipulating light if we’re talking about canon powers
  5. When did you fall in love/hate with this character? I you don’t have any strong feelings toward them, why not? I remembering thinking ‘wait sandor had a girlfriend?? WHO?’ and reading chapter two and like in the moment we can see vek I was like ‘oh I like this one’ because she’s so sassy and confident and taylor so I fell in love right away

thanks megan!