because-i-was-there-when-it-happened

i’m cute but psycho, she says. she smiles at me.

in my backpack are sixteen emergency items for panic attacks, for shutdown mode, for in case i can’t stop urges i can’t control, in case i am in trouble. i have under my bed razors i can’t bring myself to throw out, even though i’ve been recovered for ages. i forget what i said to him after i say it. i don’t mean any of it, but maybe i did. am i steering this ship or am i just a passenger on it.

i put the hot in psychotic, she says. i hear her laughing.

i can’t feel my lips. back when the hallucinations were bad i didn’t tell anyone but him, because i knew what was happening. when i woke up in a hospital i tried to kill the doctor. my therapy group was full of wonderful people. the girl who was schizophrenic had a beautiful singing voice. i can still hear her crying sometimes.

normal people scare me, he says. i know it’s from tv.

we faltered on the edge of bad things. when he tried to burn his house down he didn’t know what he was doing. he’s being charged as an adult, they tell me. when he saw me looking he said it was his responsibility. the girl with split personalities is sweet. her trauma rendered her largely unable to speak. i sit outside with the other three who raid our own bodies and we pluck flowers and play a game: what if i’d been born normal. what if i had been given executive functions. what if i hadn’t been given depression in bucketfuls until it overcame my lungs. my parents don’t know how to look at me anymore and neither do my friends. they all tiptoe around me like i will break at any second.

try yoga. it’s just a phase. we all feel that way. you have so much to be thankful for. someone has it worse. mentally ill people are dangerous. therapists aren’t real doctors and by extension you have no real problems. go for a run. just choose happiness. you’re not really sick. you’re faking it.

i lace my shoes. it’s nice to have laces back. i will try to work out without letting myself get back into my disorder, but we all know how well that will go. i have been working out since i was six years old. yoga is on my schedule but it’s never active enough. there’s a good chance that out of the people in my group, one of them is being taken advantage of. we are so quick to give ourselves out for the safety of others. the boy who, like me, has burn scars on his skin - he tells me his girlfriend likes that he’s sick. it makes him sensitive. the girl who is schizophrenic gets picked up by her father. i know he hits her. she says she kind of deserves it.

sadness makes for good art, she says. i don’t look up.

when they ask me where i’ve been i say i’ve been out of town. i feel fine thanks for asking. i don’t know who i am when nobody’s looking. i don’t know if i’m even real anymore. i don’t know how to get close to people because they’ll end up finding out and hating me for it, or i’ll be a burden, or they won’t know how to handle it. my family never brings up the hospital again. sometimes i think i dreamed it. 

you won’t find love until you love yourself, he warns. it’s been a long day.

i’m so alone.

'Minor' Accidents

A/N: I finally forced myself to type this out on my phone while I wake for a new laptop. Sorry it took so long!
….

You immediately smile when Harry’s name pops up on your phone screen, but that smile quickly fades after he speaks.

“Please don’t freak out.”

The first words out of his mouth make you do the exact opposite of what he wanted you to do- panic. You can hear some kind of commotion in the background as you ask him what’s happening.

“I got in a little car accident, but-”

“What?!”

“Hey, I’m fine. I promise I’m still in one piece. I just can’t drive my car home, I need you to pick me up.”

You’re already putting your shoes on and desperately searching for your purse while he’s trying to explain where he is.

“There’s no need for you to come all the way over here; I’ll walk to the corner near the bakery and you can pick me up from there.”

“No, Harry. I’m picking you up where you are and we’re going to the hospital.”

He tries to argue, but he knows you’re much too stubborn and worried to give in.

“Stay right where you are. I’m on my way. I love you.” You hang up before he has the chance to protest any further.

As much as you’re trying to block it out, this whole situation is giving you flashbacks of the accident you were in over a year ago. Now you know exactly what he felt when you’d called him in the same situation.

As you round the corner Harry described, the scene in the road makes your heart stop and you understand why Harry had tried to get you to pick him up somewhere else. Contrary to what he said on the phone, this was not a little accident. You pull over to the side of the road where Harry’s waiting, your hand covering your mouth as you’re trying to blink the tears out of your eyes. Your car door flies open and he holds his arms out for you to run into.

“Harry.”

All you can do is whimper his name as you wrap your arms around him, rubbing your hands over his back and appreciating that he’s still standing in front of you.

“I’m okay, baby. I’m okay.” He assures you, hugging you closer to his body in an attempt to calm you down.

You pull away and hold his face in your hands, your eyes darting around to look for anywhere he could be hurt. As far as you can tell, he’s completely fine.

“Stop, angel. I’m fine, don’t worry.”

You can’t stop yourself from glancing over at the wrecked car that’s still in the middle of the road. Just by looking at the scene, you can imagine what Harry had felt right before the car smashed into his. There was nothing he could’ve done to avoid it.

“Don’t look over there, baby, please.” He practically begs, taking in the panicked look on your face. You’re blinking quickly to stop any tears from falling, and the thought of Harry being in that car when it smashed was making your head spin with worry.

“I… I’m so glad you’re okay. Oh my gosh, Harry.” You pull him back into you as you finally start to relax, and you feel him take a deep breath as he squeezes you a little closer.

“We’re going to the hospital.” You insist.

“Baby, we really don’t need to, I’m fine-”

“Harry, we’re going. Just in case.”

He gives you an exasperated look, but when you raise your eyebrows at him, he knows he’s not going to get out of it. After a few more attempts at persuading you he’s fine, he finally gives in and hops in the car and lets you drive.

He won’t admit it, but by the time you reach the hospital, he’s actually glad you forced him to come. His entire body is starting to ache and his head is pounding horribly. Judging by the pain in his head, he’s not too surprised when he’s told he has a pretty serious concussion.

You shoot him one of those looks that says ‘I told you so’, but he can tell by your tight grip on his hand that you’re more concerned than anything. He’s released from the hospital with some painkillers and instructions to take it extremely easy for a while- instructions you’ll definitely make him follow.

“I can’t believe I have a concussion. Thought I was fine.” He huffs while you help him get settled on the couch at home. Even though you know you’re being a little overly protective, you don’t think it’s a good idea to let him walk up the stairs to your bedroom. Besides, the couch is surprisingly comfortable and big enough for both of you.

“I don’t even remember hitting my head.”

You nod understandingly, placing your hand gently on his knee as you sit down next to him.

“You were in shock, baby.” You say quietly.

He’s spacing out, rearranging thoughts in his head and trying to figure out what to say to you. He knows you’re going to worry no matter what, but he has to at least make an attempt to calm you down before you drive yourself crazy.

“I know you’re worried, but I swear I’m fine. I feel normal except for a little headache.”

You bite your lip and study his face, noticing the little bump and bruise on his forehead as you push his hair back.

“Stop that. Y/n, I can see you freaking out. Please, listen to me, baby.”

You finally let his hair fall back to its original position as you lock eyes with him, and his hands reach over to take yours.

“Harry, don’t you realize how lucky you are?” You practically whisper, sadness and worry in your eyes as you stare up at him.

He nods slowly and smiles at you, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

“When I saw that car, and I thought of you driving…” Your voice cracks as tears fill your eyes; as soon as Harry sees, he shakes his head and reaches out to cup your cheek in his hand.

“Hey, no tears… This is why I wanted you to pick me up down the street.” He chuckles lightly and wipes the tears from your cheeks.

“I know how scared you feel, y/n. I know it’s terrifying to know that you can’t protect me from everything, because that’s exactly how I felt when this happened to you. But baby, I’m perfectly fine, okay?” His eyes are wide as he stares at you, watching for a reaction. He knows nothing is going to soothe your worry completely, but he hopes his reassurance can help somehow.

You nod slowly and take a deep breath, feeling a little relief when Harry’s arm wraps around you and pulls you into his side.

“You’re okay.” You repeat, closing your eyes and feeling calm for the first time since he called you earlier.

“Now, can you relax so we can catch up on Criminal Minds?” He laughs.

You roll your eyes playfully but snuggle closer to him when he turns the TV on, content with the fact that you both get to enjoy little moments like these.

I just love you so fucking much

(Zach Dempsey mini-series part II)

Part I Part III

A/N: Here you have a second part, I think I’m going two more parts (like a mini series) so enjoy it :)

Warnings: English is not my first language.

Words: 1.793

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Masterpost


It had been almost four months since Zach asked me out that wonderful day and I’m glad to say that I made the right decision because being with him was the best thing that had happened to me in a long time.

I already knew how kind he could be, but now it was something totally different, he made me feel like if there were no one else in this world but us, he always had a compliment for me in the mornings and the thing I liked the most was that he never tried to hide our relationship, in fact, there were times that it looked like he wanted everyone to know that we were together.

Nevertheless I didn’t like spending time with his friends, I have to say that Alex was my favourite and we used to talk in school, Justin was better than I expected, Monty thought he was better than everyone else and I didn’t even want to see Bryce, having him around made me feel uncomfortable.

Even though everything was ideal there was something around my head lately and it was the fact that we hadn’t done it yet. There had been so many opportunities, but we didn’t make it to the end.

We were taking things slowly and I loved it because that was one of the reasons why our relationship was drama free, bit when it came to that particular thing I couldn’t help but feel bad with myself because it was always him the one who avoided the situation and I knew he had been in other relationships and one night stands, so I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to have sex with me.

“Oh come on love” he begged pulling my hand backwards in his direction so I could face him “come to the party, you never come to any of them” he was making a puppy face, something he knew that always worked.

“Maybe because I don’t like parties and because you always get drunk” I answered trying to stay firm.

“I promise, if you come I won’t drink a single cup” he said lifting his hand, like he was doing an oath.

“I don’t know Zach… I don’t feel like going to a party” I stopped looking at him and I lowered my tone “but that doesn’t mean you can’t go and have fun”

If there were something I wanted to avoid that was being a possessive girlfriend, one who deprives his boyfriend of things if she’s not involved, I didn’t want to make Zach stop having fun because of my insecurities.

“I would have fun if you were there” I looked at him in the eyes again, with all the love I had to give him with just a look and he brought his lips to mine immediately.

“I’m going to be late for math” I mumble between kisses.

“Then I’ll see you later” he said before giving me another kiss in my lips and other in my forehead, he let my hand go and left for his next class.

I walked to math where I sat with Alex, which wasn’t a great help because neither him nor me were good in this class.

While we were doing the exercises the teacher had said, and I had to say I was trying really hard to understand something in that paper, Alex talked.

“Are you going to tell me what the matter is?” I lifted my head to look at him, I didn’t get what he was talking about “You’re awfully quiet today and what’s even worst, you’re trying to do this exercises, something is really wrong” I sighed, resting my back in the chair; I didn’t think it was so obvious.

“Normally I wouldn’t say this to anyone, I’m not that kind of person who talks about her private life, but since you know Zach longer than me, maybe you can help me with something” I lowered my voice so no one could hear us, even though we were sitting at the back of the class.

“I’m listening”

“The thing is… Zach and me, we haven’t… you know” I didn’t want to say it out loud, but he got what I was trying to say “and it’s always him the one who makes some excuse to avoid the situation and I’m losing my mind trying to find a reasonable answer”

“Have you asked him?” he said it as if it was the most obvious thing to do.

“Of course no, I don’t want to scare him or something. I mean, it’s Zach, why wouldn’t he want to do it? I know his history perfectly”

“Do you think he’s cheating on you?”

“What?!” I exclaimed in a whisper “Not until now, thank you Alex”

I didn’t want Alex’s words to get to me, but unfortunately it was too late, they were setting a camp in my head and taking control of my insecurities.

“I’m sorry, I thought you were trying to say that” I couldn’t be mad at Alex for suggesting that, I’m sure that’s the first thing you think about in a situation like this.

The bell rang and I got my things really quick to get out of there before Zach came to pick me up like he always did between classes.

I didn’t want to overreact because I hated when that happened, but I couldn’t help the feeling inside me telling me to go home, so I listened to it and I left without saying a word.

There were no one at home, so I went upstairs to my room and once I was there I let myself fall on my bed with my hands on my face, like if that could make reality disappear, I was making a big deal of this.

My phone rang again, it’s been ringing since I left, calls and messages form the same person, Zach. I hadn’t read the messages, but I could imagine he wanted to know where I was and what was going on and as much I wanted to avoid the situation I couldn’t do it forever, so I took my phone and I read the messages, replying to them just with “I’m home.”

I didn’t get an answer, but I knew why and when I heard someone knocking at my door I confirmed my doubts.

I went downstairs and opened, when I saw him I noticed how worried he was, but he didn’t say anything due to the expression on my face. I step aside so he could come inside and I closed the door, going to my room again followed by Zach this time.

When I heard he closing the door I turned to look at him, trying to prepare myself for what I was going to say.

“Zach… are you cheating on me?” I pushed my lips together after asking that, I didn’t want to cry for this.

“What?! Of course not, why would you think that?” he asked sorting the space between us and trying to grab my hand, which I moved away.

“Because I don’t know what to think, I’m losing my head trying to understand why every time we’re about to do something more than just make out you stop and make some excuse to leave” his expression was confusion, he was going to say something, but he closed his mouth again “If you don’t want me you just have to say it, but please… don’t make me fall more for you” my voice was cracking more and more by the second “Because I will suffer more when you leave” He sighed and looked me right in the eyes, putting his hands on my cheeks.

“In what world I wouldn’t want you?” he asked looking from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes again, like if he was doing a big effort by not kissing me right now.

“Then why?”

“Because I love you” my heart stopped in that exact moment, he was the first of us to say those words “and I didn’t want you to think that you were like the rest, because you’re nothing like them”

I put my arms around his neck and I kissed him like I’ve never kissed him before. He brought his hands to my waist and kissed me back passionately making both of us breathless.

“I love you Zach” I said just a few inches from his lips just before he kissed me again.

I felt him smile widely while we were kissing due to my words and I couldn’t help but giggle and break the kiss.

With his arms around my waist he lifted me from the ground; I put my legs around his waist and laughed even more. He walked to my bed, tripping over my bag in the process and making us fall in the mattress.

“You were supposed to be the clumsy one” he said, still on top of me.

“We can share the title” I answered cupping his face between my hands and kissing him.

His kisses were different from the usual, this time they were more passionate and needed, which turned me on so much.

I put my hands on his shoulders, grabbing the neck of his letterman jacket with my hands and taking it off of him.

Then I slide my hands down his torso until I reached the end of his t-shirt and I got my hands under the fabric so I could touch his warm skin. He kissed his way through my lips to my neck making me moan a little and lifting his shirts quickly.

He sit himself straight to take the shirt off completely and I could look at his spectacular body, which a loved feeling on mine.

He put his hands in the sides of my head again, but before he kissed me again I enclosed my arms around his neck and made us roll on the mattress so I would be on top of him.

I looked at him, smiling like a fool when I saw his smile. I sorted the distance to kiss him, but this time slowly, just enjoying the friction between his lips with mine.

I stopped the kiss to look at him again, caressing the soft skin on his cheeks.

“What’s wrong?” he asked

“Nothing” I stopped for a second “I was just looking how lucky I am” I whispered.

He put his hands on my hips while he sat straight under my legs, in that position our faces were at the same height, but I can swear my heart was above the clouds.

“Oh god I just love you so fucking much” he said with a waspy voice before he sweetly kissed me again.

baby-kenma  asked:

What are your top 5 ships? (Could be from anything not just anime) Also I'm sorry for you losing followers because you need to take time off for yourself. I just want you to know that me and I'm sure others fully understand and support you. 💕 Thank you for keeping us updated instead of just going mia. I hope you have a wonderful day 💕

Hi, thank you so much for this sweet message! You’re so kind :) I’m not too bothered by people unfollowing me because I fully considered that happening when I thought about this hiatus. But I am so grateful for your support and to know that there are people like you who support me through these decisions, people like you are the true MVPs. So, thank you for this <3

Without further ado, my top 5 ships! Thanks for sending this in! ^_^

1) TsukkiKage (incredible twin smirks and character development hehe)

Originally posted by tsukishiina

The rest are in no particular order, by TsukkiKage is my TOP FAVE.

2) KageHina (I love ships in which the two characters grow together)

Originally posted by mahoomii

As you can guess, I also like TsukkiKageHina hehe (Kags, Hinata, and Tsukki all deserve so much love)

3) Victuuri (another example of mutual growth)

Originally posted by thranduilings

4) TsukkiYama (two individuals with the ability to bring one another to their senses? YES)

Originally posted by remember-kneepads-then-shoes

5) KuroTsuki (Nerds being nerds appreciating each other’s good qualities and having witty conversations as well as nonsensical banter? YES)

Originally posted by saltasaurus-kei

And also BokuAkaKuroTsuki ^_^

Originally posted by randomyelly

As you can see, I ship Tsukki with EVERYONE (he is such a relatable and lovable character in my opinion)

Thanks, and have a lovely day! 💕💕💕

Ask me my Top 5 anything!

anonymous asked:

Ok so about the leak. I AM NOT ASKING TO SEE IT I just want to ask if he REALLY is wearing his jacket or its just an assumption because I was there when it happened *sad post-battle music* and I saw some of it and I remember people drawing over it and what not but it was never a 100% conclusion and I honestly DO NOT CARE ABOUT IT but I see people mentioning it ALL THE TIME lately without even seeing it (WHICH IS HOW IT SHOULD BE) but I dont want them to get their hopes up to much. Love you

i’m just going to write down all my thoughts about this dnfbsdfsd i have no clue if he’s actually wearing lance’s jacket because what was around keith’s neck in the leak was just some sort of cloth that had folds that COULD be the hood on lance’s jacket, like it is possible that it’s his jacket because it looks similar, but it’s obviously not a 100% thing because it could also just be a blanket… or a possible wardrobe change? i was always very skeptical about it at first too because i was there when that whole dealio happened and i remember people saying O: could that be lance’s jacket… and at the time i just didn’t think it could have realistically played out in the show at that point with their development and the circumstances… but after watching s3, it’s got me thinking about it again, for sure… because s3 gave us some… changes that could end up realistically leading up to some sort of scenario like this happening…

  • we all saw how much lance supported keith in s3, we all saw how their relationship evolved a lot… it isn’t far fetched to think that lance would indeed offer his jacket to keith if he really needed it for some reason which brings me to my next bullet point…
  • keith being part galra hasn’t really been touched on yet and there’s no way they aren’t planning more for it… in the leak it appears like fur is growing on his ear or, at least, something is happening to his ear while he appears to be in pain… it’s possible he is experiencing some sort of transformation. what triggers this transformation if it is indeed happening? i have no flippin clue… it might possibly end up being because of something lotor does…??? anyways, we know keith’s jacket doesn’t have a hood… but lance’s does so keith might either ask lance for his jacket so he can cover it up, or lance himself offers it to him
  • then, we have the whole shiro being a clone thing… like i’m pretty damn sure that’s 100% true and i’m pretty sure keith has already picked up on something being off about him. if he somehow hasn’t yet, he definitely will because he knows shiro better than anyone… so, it would make sense that keith wouldn’t confide in shiro about him experiencing some weird transformation… it would make sense that he’d distance himself from this shiro, in general… and it would make sense, given their development in s3, that keith would go to lance about it instead

so yeah… this shit is definitely not 100% at all, it’s all just speculation but at this point, it’s not as if something like this happening is impossible… 

Fuck customers. My coworker at the pool I work at gets a lot of complaints from patrons for being “rude”, when really she’s just strict about the rules and people don’t like it. I saw a family leaving a complaint about her at the front desk today when I was clocking out so I actually turned around and came back in to back her up, because I was there when it happened. Sorry not sorry you can’t wear gym shorts in the pool!

anonymous asked:

I don't care if it's not organic, I know it isn't but I really like that they're going on twitter for it because these people are Louis' friends, we've complained for years that they don't interact with him as much as they do with Harry publicly, and we are getting these and I know its' promo and for attention, but they're interacting with Louis. I hope its' a fun show that he can relax and have fun and chill and promote his song.

God, I know. Everyone saying this isn’t organic, I’m like uhhh no shit???? It’s fucking promo for Louis being on. Promo isn’t organic. I know that we all hate Ben and people get annoyed by the Twitter banter, but at least they’re doing SOMETHING as opposed to nothing like we saw through January (which everyone also bitched about). If they’re not promoting something and doing it exactly how people in this fandom want it to be promoted, everyone complains.

And listen, I get being worried and wary. At the same time, people bitched the same way about the Today Show and there wasn’t baby talk. This interview could go either way. If there’s baby talk, well, we’ve seen plenty of it already during the past month. And I know nobody wants James involved in that, but I’d imagine that it’s easier for Louis with someone like James than with random assholes like the Sirius XM hosts. And if there isn’t baby talk, that’s awesome. There’s a fine line between being prepared for whatever and what this fandom does, which is prematurely saying “this is going to be the WORST thing that’s ever happened and they’re going to ruin James forever and nothing will ever be okay again.” Like…holy shit. Take three seconds to chill out and be excited that Louis will be on (which people have wanted for ages). I understand why people need to mentally prepare because I know it sucks when stuff happens when we didn’t anticipate it and I know that people can’t help but become stressed about this stuff, but I don’t understand the need to expect the fucking apocalypse and completely dismiss the appearance before it even happens. I’m just gonna hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and deal with whatever happens when it happens.

Rewatching Dark Side of Dimensions

- What the hell do Kaiba’ s scientists actually think of him spending all this time digitally rendering a guy that looks kind of like Yugi Moto whom he calls “the Pharoah” to duel with and digging up ancient tombs? Are there rumors going around Kaibacorp about Yugi Moto’s weird Egyptian cousin that their boss had a bad breakup with or something?


- Kaiba don’t even bother waiting for his jet to land before he jumps out of it. Show off.


- “Little” Yugi Moto? He’s the same age as you you obnoxious prick. I mean yeah he’s also hella short but still.


- Diva is a diva.


- Kaiba got so pissed off about all the magic shit happening to him all the time he came up with tech specifically to counter it.


- Kaiba is also done being shocked or impressed by your magic bs he is just super done with all of you. “Oh look, he can dissolve my guards and summon demon children and vortexs, whatever just duel me bitch. Oh I have to summon things with my soul? Neat.”


- Kaine wants to see Atem again so bad he pulls a freaking God card out of the ground with sheer willpower.


- I freaking love the Kaiba brothers, Mokuba just rides the damn case with the puzzle in it up to the copter and Seto just yells “To be continued!” And ditches his duel to run off.


- Awww, Yugi gets to speak at their graduation. I have no idea how he got that…probably because he’s famous.


- How the f does that space station thing even work.


- The AI exposited on how the puzzle reassembly machine works just because it figured out Kaiba likes being reminded of how smart he is.


- So is Shadi definitely supposed to be the same guy that shows up later at Pegasus’?


- For all his high horsing Diva didn’t really have a good reason to hurt Joey. Guy was just trying to protect his friend, how is that evil?


- You’re wrong Diva, friendship is the greatest force in the universe!


- You’re one to talk about having glowey eyed goons Kaiba.


- I freaking love how Kaiba just shows up in the middle of a rainy street and holds up traffic to demand that Yugi duel him, tempts him with seeing Atem again, and then Mokuba rides in on a helicopter and is super casual like “Hey Yugi what’s up!”


- And then Sera shows up to give him the box and save him from oncoming traffic and poor Yugi’s probably left thinking “ Why do all my not friends have to be so overdramatic?”


- Look at Mokuba being all tiny and smug.


- Kaiba may be a smug anti social asshole but boy knows how to work an audience.


- Kaiba this crowd doesn’t know or care what the Millennium Puzzle is or why you want it.


- Also look at these kids fighting over who duels first. And when Yugi stands up to Kaiba, he actually backs off and let’s him go first.


- Dimension summoning involves going super saiyan apparently.


- Also why they always call attack names like it’s a Pokemon battle? Those ain’t written on the cards, are y'all just making them up as you go? Does everyone make up their own attack names for them or are there accepted standards?


- Yugi freaking defeated Atem, stop underestimating him.


- “ You talk about a world without hate, but from what I’ve seen that’s all that fuels you.” YOU TELL HIM YUGI BOY


- Also another sister trying to save her bro from doing stupid things out of misplaced vengeance.


- Yugi’s so nice trying to talk down his opponents first. Before he kicks their ass.


- Look at these sassy dorks having way too much fun over-dramatcally playing card games while making terrible puns sound cool.


- “ YOU FIGHT ME WITH FRUIT! DON’T MOCK ME!” is an actual thing Kaiba has said.


- Okay I said this last time but THE FREAKING EMOTION IN KAIBAS VOICE WHEN YUGI WILLINGLY TAKES THE PUZZLE AND HE THINKS HE’S GOING TO SUMMON ATEM FOR HIM I CAN’T HE’S SO UNUSED TO PEOPLE WILLINGLY DOING NICE THINGS FOR HIM WITHOUT HIM HAVING TO FIGHT FOR IT


- Also Yugi getting that under all the anger and “I will defeat him!” Kaiba is missing Atem as much as he is even if he’d never admit it.


- *Giant terrifying monster that used to be human appears* Kaiba: “Oof. He’s looked better.” Boy dgaf.


- They don’t even gotta acknowledge the team up Kaiba is just like, well I’m gonna fight it and Yugi gets it right away. A far cry from Battle City where Atem had to spend half the duel convincing Kaiba to cooperate with him.


- Bitch you think they ain’t dealt with deadly card games before


- Kaiba warns Yugi to be careful aww see he’s not as allergic to friendship as he thinks


- I need to make a post with all Kaiba’s one liners


- (Dad was home at this point and objected to me pausing to type commentary because “I want to see what happens when crimson nova attacks him again!” Shut up dad. )


- Kaiba’s not even pretending to hide that he’s concerned for Yugi now AWWWWW SEE BBY YOU CAN FRIENDSHIP


- AND KAIBA SACRIFICES HIMSELF TO PROTECT YUGI AND OUTRIGHT SAYS HE DID IT FOR ATEM BECAUSE AFTER ALL THAT THAT’S HOW MUCH FAITH HE HAS IN THE BOTH OF THEM


- “Bring him back, Yugi.” ARE HIS LAST WORDS FFS


- (all of the homo!)


- Atem don’t even gotta say anything he just shows up and kicks the guy’s ass in one turn.


- I can’t even say anything about Atem and Yugi just ugh feels


- And Kaiba’s all smug like “I said he’d be back, told ya so.” But like, in a friendly smug way.


- “You have your bond with him, and I have mine. Take care Yugi. Till our paths cross once again.” Now imma go literally invade the afterlife to challenge a guy to a card game.


- And Yugi thanks him AWWWWWWW


- And the ending with Kaiba and Atem smile-smirking at each other I love these freaking idiots so much I can’t even (just kiss already)

anonymous asked:

I really want to rewatch Harry Potter, but I also know that I'm going to bawl my eyes out. Did you cry when you watched Harry Potter? I cried when Sirius died, when everyone appears because of the resurrection stone, Lupin, Tonks and Fred's death and in the first movie when Harry sees his parents in the mirror of erised.

listen, i’m the biggest cry baby out there. i’m crying at least 15 times whenever i watch moana so of course i’ve cried when i’ve watched harry potter. and not only on those sad scenes but on happy ones too but i guess that’s what makes me want to watch those movies literally all the time. its hard because i know what will happen but when it happens i cry anyway. but isn’t that one of the best parts of watching movies? 

i mean, harry potter is worth it 

love yourself

for me i think the girls don’t mean all the same thing. and it could be romantic plotlines but they’re definitely not going to be as simple as that. i’m not going to go super deep because i just get confused when that happens so i’m just going to look at what’s on the surface.

taehyung and his girl - i think taehyung sees himself in her, and sees that she’s struggling and doing crime (let’s not forget that taehyung murdered his father and is probably on the run from that, and if not on the run then he’s starting anew). he wants to help her and have someone to care for again since bangtan split up and he probably hasn’t seen his little sister in a long time. i think taehyung doesn’t want to keep in touch with his past (shown by him destroying his phone) but he’s found a new relationship that he wants to hold on to. 

jungkook and his girl - i think that they’re friends. jungkook was probably lonely in the hospital and we know that yoongi went to see him but we don’t know if he actually succeeded in actually seeing him and talking to him (his quote on his teaser photo suggests to me that he didn’t). we don’t know if any of bangtan actually came and saw him. (i personally think yoongi is going to now, after the phone call but we’ll see). obviously he’s gonna need a friend and who better than another patient? she’s probably really positive and makes him feel less alone.

jimin and his girl - i think it’s interesting that jimin and hobi didn’t split up like the rest of the group. and i think the reason might be jimin’s insecurity and hoseok’s fear of abandonment (since his mother left him). initially i thought that jimin and the girl’s relationship would be romantic but now i’m kind of thinking that he wants to be like her and that’s why he films her. he wants to imitate her dancing and her relationship with hoseok since i think things would be kind of rocky between them since bangtan split. i think he wants to be close with hoseok again and he doesn’t think he can do it being himself, so he wants to be like someone who is already close to him. 

yoongi and his girl - i really like her so far. i think she seems like the type to smack some sense into him. yoongi probably didn’t want to get close with her after everything that happened with bangtan (see his first poster again) but she forced herself in. i think she also might be the key to getting jungkook and yoongi back together. she’s the only girl who has crossed over into two storylines (besides the one in jimin and hoseok’s) and to me that suggests that yoongi and jungkook are physically close together, and yoongi wants to keep and eye on jungkook and go see him but he doesn’t feel like he can. so he just stays nearby with his cute badass chick (she gives me like cool fwb feels and i love everything about it). 

seokjin and namjoon and their girls - initially i didn’t think anything about them other than “cute girls wowowow” but after reading @harunyany‘s posts about angels i’m thinking it’s something like that. maybe they aren’t even real since neither of them have interacted much with them. i don’t really have much to say about them yet but i am excited to see where things go with them, especially since seokjin’s girl had the smeraldo flower in her book. 

AND THEN of course there’s the idea that they represent the solo songs, as well as the theories that they represent themselves. i really like all the theories i’ve read so far and i’m so excited to read more about them. the rest of the teasers sound like they’re going to crush me and i am simultaneously ready and not ready. 

anonymous asked:

I know asks like this are annoying, but I just got back from a birthday weekend backpacking trip and am very much lost and out of the loop so could you please fill me in on the shady shit that went down earlier and yesterday. Thanks so much ♥️

Well happy birthday! Hope your trip was fun. Um…shit. I’m terrible at this stuff because I lose track of what happened when. Let’s see…

Harry was spotted in Brooklyn, NY w/his mom, Alexa Chung, some hipsters and he was wearing silky striped pants that looked like PJs with some very expensive Gucci slip on mules. That was fun. 

Louis was spotted in NY with E and Oli at some club where Kendall Jenner was also spotted so people freaked for 5 minutes that Hendall 10.0 was happening, but no. It was random. Then Louis & E were spotted (by stalkers - of course) because his bodyguard, Preston, tweeted that he was in Times Square. Because, you know, that’s what bodyguards do. Tell everyone where their celebrity client is going to be. 🙄 Louis and E had more costume changes than Diana Ross (I’m dating myself with that analogy - believe me, she used to change clothes like 10 times during her concerts) so it would look like they were papped on multiple days. Oh, and Louis STILL isn’t showing his gaynkles and he STILL doesn’t know how to hold hands with a girl.

Then, Harry was spotted at a Fleetwood Mac concert (I think. Either way, somewhere in NY) with friends and…wait for it…Camille Rowe. Yes, the same VS model who made his heart (not) go pitter pat when he was shown her picture on Nick’s radio show. WHAT A COINCIDENCE! 😱 So probably (most likely) she’s Harry’s new beard because, you know, Two Ghosts is being released shortly and Louis having a girlfriend, a baby, denying Larry, and denying the bears isn’t enough to convince people that they’re not dating (hint: it’s not. But neither is another fake gf for Harry). 

Hm. What else? I’m sure there were other things, but that’s what is top of my head. Anyone know if I missed anything important?

12 months ago it began. I felt myself falling and all I could do was tell you how much I only wanted to be your friend. I could only be your friend. Maybe that was my first mistake.

8 months ago you called me and woke me up to tell me you couldn’t do it anymore. I never got an explanation until three weeks and 600 anonymous messages later you told me how someone played us both. You were a little fucked up after that. Trust was hard for you and even harder for me because I stopped feeling after that night and I realized the closest to me had taken you away.

7 months ago I forced myself into a relationship with a girl I barely liked and told her, ‘I love you,’ because I remember what happened when I couldn’t even admit I liked you. I forced myself to be with her until being with her made me not want to be here anymore.

5 months ago I had been 3 months clean of you until it was Valentine’s Day and you popped out of nowhere. I felt like an addict who worked so hard for their chip and I had relapsed the moment I saw your name.

3 months ago I was convinced I’d never feel for anyone ever again until I wandered into Hawaii and suddenly there were butterfly kisses and hands on thighs and I knew even when it ended, because it would end.. she was not the kind of person I wanted to be with, she would be a reminder I could feel again.

1 month ago I looked back at all the people I had burned through in a year trying to feel again. Trying to find someone like you and not lose you again. But it didn’t work and I was closing in on my time line to come back to California. The land of dreams sounded like the land of nightmares. I left shortly after I lost you and I had no desire to be back but back I came. So today when I went to the place we had our first date and saw the blue of the ocean, even trying to force my thoughts to think of your eyes was impossible. I couldn’t remember the blue that they were or the sound of your laugh as we faced our fears and jumped the cliffs.

You see, they say it’s all about who you think of when you’re staring at the ocean, and for once it was them I wanted to FaceTime my experience with and not you.

Space [VI] FINAL

Summary: Everything is quite uncertain in this life, who is here to stay who is going to be temporary. He was, by far, the most uncertain.

Word count: 3.5k

Instagram: hallowpcy (changed for halloween)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5

Originally posted by jonginssoo


You didn’t really have plans of waking up that morning. In fact, you didn’t have plans on doing anything that whole day besides lay in your bed and catch up on the most recent episode of America’s Next Top Model. The bottle of wine you had opened last night laid empty on your bedside table next to the almost empty glass of wine you placed before you had gone to bed that night. Needless to say you had a pretty bad hangover. Your drinking had picked up over the past two weeks since you decided to take a small break from the world, visiting back home for a week and just taking the last few days of your vacation to yourself. During this time, you kept your phone away from you as much as you good, ignoring calls and just being alone. Taking the space that you needed.

You rolled over, the pounding headache beating against your forehead. You lifted your phone to see the normal missed calls from Mark, Jinyoung, Chanyeol, and Jongin. You hadn’t spoken to anyone over the last little while, really just wanting to clear your mind but nothing was really going how you wanted it to. Every time you thought of something that made you nervous or anxious, you turned to drinking and you could tell it was becoming a problem but you weren’t about to confront your drinking problem just quite yet.

You lifted yourself from your bed, running your hand through your messy hair. Your TV was still playing from when you fell asleep last night, talking about some big media headline that you didn’t care for. You crawled out of bed, reaching for your nearest sweater and pulling it on over your head.

You walked out into your living room, slowly making your way to your kitchen and starting a cup of coffee in hopes that it would cure your hangover. You were soon brought back to reality when there was a knock at the door. You walked over, absentmindedly opening it without checking who it was first. There stood Chanyeol, Mark, BamBam and Junmyeon, all bundled up in their winter clothes. “Oh god,” you rolled your eyes, going to close the door only to have Chanyeol wedge his foot, stopping you from slamming it in their face.

“Can’t avoid us forever,” Chanyeol smirked, pushing past you, letting the rest of the boys in. You rolled your eyes, closing the door behind them and making your way back over to your coffee pot. “Good god Y/n. How many bottles of wine have you finished?”

“Enough,” you snapped back, defending yourself. You poured your coffee into your coffee mug, stirring in milk and sugar, making it perfect. You walked into the living room, taking a seat on your couch, covering your bare legs with a blanket as the other boys followed, taking a seat on the sofa as well. “What do you guys want anyways? I still have two days left of my vacation.”

“Some vacation,” BamBam scoffed.

“Why aren’t you answering anyone’s calls?” Mark finally asked.

“There’s no need to,” you took a sip from your mug. “I took these two weeks off because I needed some time alone.”

“And when that happens Y/n, you get down on yourself,” Junmyeon stated. “I’ve known you your whole life.”

“You don’t know shit,” you cursed. “Don’t pull that on me. You and the rest of the boys did not once call in the last four years, leaving me in the dark and you suddenly ‘know how I get’?”

“Don’t get mad at him Y/n. He’s just worried,” Chanyeol cooed, trying to ease the tension.

“Help with what? What is there to help?” You were growing irritated with the four boys standing there in your living room, interrogating you as if you were some sort of convict.

“Knock it off, damn it,” Mark boomed, getting to his feet. “We came here to make sure you were okay because believe it or not, you dumb ass, we care about you and you not answering our calls is one thing but snapping at us for no reason is another. We didn’t have to come see you but we did, now cut the fucking attitude and listen to what we have to say.” You were taken back by the amount of anger was in Mark’s voice. He was one to get mad easily but he had never raised his voice at you so it was a new frightening feeling.

“We’re worried that this whole fake dating thing is affecting you more than it should be,” Chanyeol spoke, quietly, trying to ease the tension from Mark’s loud voice. “We know how you feel about Jongin and by the sounds of it, you’re not doing so well.”

“And not to mention you fighting with Jinyoung,” BamBam added. “You two are really close and Jinyoung isn’t doing so well either.” You sat there, listening to your friends talk about the last two weeks, putting out on the table how you had been feeling without you having to tell them. You missed both Jongin and Jinyoung but you were so tired of how they were always fighting or how one would be mad if the other was around you.

“Your mom called Jongin’s mom,” Junmyeon got up from his spot, taking a seat next to you. “Jongin isn’t doing too well either. He’s worried sick about you and being the guy and Jongin is, he wants to respect your feelings and kept his distance but it’s killing him.”

“All this pressure,” you choked on your words, clinging your coffee cup tighter in your hands. “I don’t know how I can do this anymore.” You let out a small sob, Junmyeon reacting almost immediately as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his chest. He rubbed your back, comforting with his quiet hums.

“Baby steps,” Junmyeon whispered to you. “I think this just requires you stepping up and addressing the issue. I know Jongin would love to know that you’re okay and Jinyoung has been dying to see you.”

“Had to lock him in his room so he didn’t bother you,” BamBam laughed, joking about his friend.

You couldn’t help but cry into Junmyeon’s chest as he held you close to him, embracing his hug fully as you clung to his sweater. You felt the rest of the boy’s body rest against the two of yours, gathering in a group hug as you sat there, sobbing.

“Thank you guys,” you whispered, face smashed into Junmyeon’s chest due to the weight of the rest of the boys on you. They all laughed, pulling away, letting you lift your body so you could see them all.

You didn’t know you needed it but you were thankful that the boys came when they did. All this time you thought you needed space but in reality, you needed a shoulder to cry on. You were so thankful for your friends that day, knowing that they had come to comfort rather than to fight. You had been stubborn and misunderstanding of the situation that you didn’t want to confront it like you should have.

__

You sat inside the small coffee shop you hadn’t been to in a while. You used to come here almost every day before you got your job so it was nice to come back to a familiar place after being away for so long. You took a sip from your cup, leaving the stain of lip gloss smeared across the top lid. You dabbed a napkin across your lips, removing the leftover lipgloss you had on, reapplying more so it had a glossy finish.

“Hey,” you turned around to see Jinyoung standing behind you. You got up from your spot, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, pulling him in for a hug. You didn’t think it was possible to miss someone so much but you did. You missed Jinyoung. He unwrapped himself from you, taking a seat across from you. “Y/n I’m so sorry about all of this. I didn’t mean to step out of line and I did and-”

“Jinyoung,” you stopped him. “I get it. I do. I appreciate your apology and I’m sorry I didn’t take notice sooner. I don’t like fighting with you and it’s been hell.” Jinyoung reached across and grabbed your hands, rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles.

“I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I should have come to you.” You had come to know that Jinyoung was a pretty stubborn person when it came to being right. He never stood up and apologized unless he knew for a fact he was wrong. He would hold a grudge for days on end, not really caring that the person he was fighting with was mad at him. Seeing him like this, in front of you, completely vulnerable and apologetic, you knew he was serious about it.

You reached across the small table, taking Jinyoung’s hand into yours and giving it a small squeeze. “I’m just glad that we’re not fighting anymore.” Jinyoung smiled and squeezed your hand back, rubbing his thumb across your knuckles once more. You pulled your hand back, taking your coffee in your hand and lifting it to your lips.

“Speaking of fighting,” he raised an eyebrow as he watched the cup this the table again. “Have you talked to Jongin? The media is going crazy with not getting anything new from you guys.”

“I know,” you sighed, lifting your hand up and running it over your head, smoothing the few stray hairs. “I need to talk to him but I just don’t know how.”

“Yeah you do,” he stated. You looked at him with a confused look on your face, wanting him to further his statement. “Don’t give me that look. You know exactly what you want to tell him and basically, everyone knows it but him.” You felt your face burn at Jinyoung’s comment. Was it really that obvious that you had these feelings for Jongin? You weren’t very good at keeping things from people, were you? “You just need to be straightforward with him. Jongin likes when people are forward with him. He’s not a beat around the bush type of guy although lately, I wouldn’t be too sure.”

Sometimes you forgot the Jinyoung and Jongin used to be good friends. It made you curious as to what had happened between the two that made them hate each other. You didn’t want to ask because you knew that Jinyoung would tell you when he was ready but that didn’t stop you from letting the curiosity build up and grow.

“Call him, Y/n. He deserves some sort of explanation as to why you disappeared for a week.” You nodded, knowing that Jinyoung was right and that you needed to explain your irrational actions. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work. Call me later and let me know how things go.”

“Hey Jinyoung,” you stopped him, grabbing his attention before he had walked out the door. He raised an eyebrow, his eyes wide with curiosity. “I love you. Thank you for being my friend.”

“I love you too, butthead.” He shot you a wink before leaving the cafe, leaving you alone once again. You had no idea how to go about the situation with Jongin. You were almost too nervous to even think about him.

The way he made you feel was something that was out of this world. Whenever you were around him, your body would just melt away and completely mold into nothing. He had a way of making you lose control of your body and mind. He was a safe base but also something that was abnormally intoxicating. You were scared to tell him how you felt because you didn’t know if he felt the same way. He has always been a guy about his work, never wanting to get sidetracked from his main goal in life and you didn’t want to be that person. You couldn’t be rejected like you were the first time.

You knocked on the big black door, keeping your hands in your pockets, hiding them from the sharp cold winter air. You felt as if your nose was about to fall off, being nipped at. The door swung open, Chanyeol quick to pull you inside to protect you from the falling snow. “You’re freezing! Where is your winter coat?”

“Back at home?” You shrugged. Chanyeol quickly grabbed a blanket from the couch, wrapping it around your arms, trying to warm up your cold body. He led you into the kitchen where Kyungsoo and Baekhyun sat, drinking out of mugs and laughing about something that was said earlier. “We have a guest.”

“Y/n!” Baekhyun called, walking from around the counter so he could embrace you in his hug. “Where have you been? We missed you.”

“I was visiting my parents this last week,” you replied, not technically lying, leaving out the part of you actually going back home to hide away from your problems.

“Have you talked to Jongin yet?” Kyungsoo asked, letting you take a seat in between him and Chanyeol while Baekhyun returned to his spot on the other side of the counter. You shook your head, hiding the bottom half of your face with the blanket you were given, trying to warm up your nose.

“That’s why I’m here,” you replied.

“And you’re actually going to tell him how you feel?” Baekhyun asked, raising an eyebrow. You mimicked his actions, a look of shock taking over your facial features.

“Does everyone know?” You asked, looking around at the three boys you were sitting by. They all nodded, trying their best to hold back their stifled laughs. “Good god.”

“Talk to him,” Chanyeol nudged you with his elbow. “I know he misses you.”

“I do miss her,” you heard someone say from behind you. You were quick to snap your head around to see who it was, being Jongin walking in front the upstairs, grey hoodie draped over his torso, tight black jeans hugging his skin. His hair dripped from what you assumed was his shower not too long ago, making his facial features soft and natural. You felt your heart tighten in your chest as he approached you, pulling you up from your seat and hugging you. Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo all slipped away without making a scene, leaving you there to be held in Jongin’s arms. “Why didn’t you call?”

“I don’t know,” you lied.

“Yes, you do.” You hated that be could basically see through you, even after all these years of being apart, he still had a way of being able to call you out on your lies. He sat down on the chair in front of you, pulling it close so that your knees here resting in between his, his hands gently reaching out and holding them in yours. “Y/n, what’s going on?”

“Jongin… I..” You felt that all too familiar feeling of your heart in your throat, feeling the rapid beats in your ears, ready to burst at any moment. Jongin’s features were soft and sympathetic. His eyes scanned your face, trying to read the expression but it was hard when you couldn’t make eye contact with him. You lowered your head, hiding your struggle from his point of view only to have him lift your head in his hands, his thumb tracing over your bottom lip. “Jongin..”

Jongin pulled you close to him, pressing his lips gently against yours. You felt your whole body ignite on fire with every touch. You felt your heart flutter up above the clouds, leaving you there on cloud nine as his hands reached around, pulling your body closer to his, closing the gap between the two of you. You suddenly didn’t need the blanket anymore to stay warm. His wet hair tickled your nose as his face moved in rhythm to yours. He pulled away, causing your bottom lip to quiver as it hit the cold air. He rested his forehead against yours, trying to catch his breath as you also struggled to find some sort of normal breathing pattern.

“I don’t want to fake date anymore,” he finally broke the silence. You felt your heart stop, the pounding in your ears growing as he pulled away, creating a small gap between the two of you. “I want to be real. I’m tired of lying to the world and to you. I can’t pretend like this thing we have is fake. I know you feel the same way… You have to.” It was almost as if he was pleading, begging you to love him back. This all felt familiar except for the fact you weren’t the one begging for the affection, it was him.

You smiled and shook your head in disbelief. “I came here to tell you that. I’m done with the fake media bullshit and I’m also done avoiding this. I needed you to know that I want to be with you, be here for you.” Jongin couldn’t help but let his smile grow at every word that left your lips. You felt the fluttery feeling take over once more as his heartfelt smile was caused by something you had done. You were the reason he was smiling and in that moment, that’s all that really mattered. All you’ve wanted is to be his reason why.

“That’s all I want,” he whispered before finally getting to his feet and pulling your body towards his, pressing his lips to yours again in a heated flash. You snaked your arms around his neck, pulling his body down closer to your height as you struggled to keep your balance on your tiptoes.

“Good heavens, get a room you two. This is a family environment,” you quickly snapped your head to see Junmyeon walking into with Jongdae following close behind with Sehun.

“Did it happen then? Did he ask her?” Sehun asked, clinging onto Jongdae’s arm. Jongdae tried to pull away from Sehun’s strong grip but ended up losing the already lost battle.

“I got us dinner. Should I put out an extra plate?” Junmyeon asked, winking over in your direction.

“Can’t believe that could have been me if only she said yes to the stupid dance,” Jongdae joked, shaking his head in defeat. Jongin shot him a jokingly strong glare causing Jongdae to laugh at his reaction. “Calm down.”

Jongin pulled you away from the small group, leading you out of the room and into the garage where his car was parked. He opened the passenger door, letting your slide in and quickly ran around to get into the driver’s seat. “I’m sorry I pulled you away like that but I want to do this properly.” You raised an eyebrow but didn’t question his motives.

He pulled his car in the parking lot of what looked like a park, covered in white snow which hid the world beneath it. He turned it off, getting out and running to the other side to help you out as well. “Jongin, it’s snowing and it’s cold.”

“This will only take a few minutes,” he brushed off your concerning comment, dragging you through the deep snow, coming to the small picnic area, hiding you both from the falling snow. “This is so cheesy, I already know this so don’t make fun of it.”

“I would never.”

“Y/n,” he glared.

“Okay I won’t,” you chattered your teeth together. “But can we speed this up, it’s freezing.”

“Fine, your ass can freeze out here then,” he joked, turning around to start walking towards his car.

“Jongin,” you whined, pulling at his sleeve. He laughed, turned around and pulling your cold hands into his, rubbing his thumb over your bright red, frozen knuckles.

“I just wanted to ask you properly, to be my girlfriend, and maybe more when the time is right. I want to give you everything I have to offer and I want to be there to be able to take care of you when you’re feeling down or when you need a shoulder to cry on. I want to be the reason you smile and be the reason you get excited about a new day. I want to be more than just another person for you.” You felt your whole body go numb, maybe it was because it was freezing that cold winter night or maybe it’s because you had fallen so in love with Jongin, you didn’t know how to react.

He wrapped his arm around your waist, lifting your face so you could look at him properly. “My little space cadet, always traveling without me, I see.” He was referring to how you always got sidetracked in your own thoughts, noticing that you tend to lose the subject at hands.

He pressed his chapped lips to yours, leaving a warm kiss before pulling away and smiling. “I love you, Y/n.”

Re: Maladaptive Daydreaming

My grades dropped in Math class when I was in high school because of maladaptive daydreaming. It got to the point where I had no idea what was going on in my math classes because I spent the entire class daydreaming every single day. The stress of not understanding the content caused me to daydream even more. 

I rarely did my homework because of 1) I didn’t know there was homework because I wasn’t mentally present in class and/or 2) I was so busy with my daydreaming that I didn’t have time to do my work. I have been a chronic procrastinator to the point of pushing myself to having full on panic attacks for skipping major assignments because of maladaptive daydreaming. 

My parents have always had a violent and emotionally abusive relationship, and when I was younger I used to listen to music at a high volume so as to block out their arguments and I would close my eyes and develop stories to every single song I listened to, sometimes repeating the song over and over and over and over and over and over until I got the story right

Hours. It would literally be daylight when it started and it would be midnight by the time I finished, only going to bed after I noticed that I had fallen asleep in the rocking chair. I used already existing characters in the cartoons I watched Saturday mornings, and I would invent my own. Sometimes I used to daydream up better parental figures which made me feel immensely guilty. 

I interacted with these stories in my head. I would pace. I would make facial expressions. I could feel what they felt. I would feel happy when these characters were happy. I felt sick when they were sick. I would stay up all night thinking about what would happen to them, because that was something in my control. My own life was not – at least not to the degree I wanted it to be.

I could be having a full conversation with someone on autopilot, and my mind will actually be in these stories that no one really knows about but me. It’s not out of boredom. It’s not because I don’t care what the other person is saying. It’s because I have used it to cope for so long that I am not longer able to disengage with it unless I put in an extreme amount of effort. 

I destroyed my ears, by the way. It takes me a long time to process what people are saying to me because I can’t easily pick up on what they’re saying. When I am listening to people, it often sounds muffled. Like, I’m not receiving things on at a full signal. The combination of my constant “I am not actually present”-ness and the ringing in my ears, makes it impossible to understand people at times.

I have chosen to stay home daydreaming than be with friends. I have skipped what could have been meaningful events in my life because of it. When I ask what just happened in a show or movie because I wasn’t mentally there when I happened, I get people looking at me weird because I didn’t hear or see what they considered to be obvious. I can’t concentrate like others can. 

I still daydream all the time. I don’t remember half the time how I got home because I operate on auto pilot, while my mind wanders off to daydream. It’s scary when there are holes in your memory, when you can’t tell what day it is, when you keep missing important events, when you lose friends, etc. because all you damn do is daydream.

And You Can’t Stop. What makes it maladaptive is that you use it to cope, and it takes over your life. What makes it maladaptive is that it interferes with your ability to live and make a life for yourself. What makes it maladaptive is that it causes interpersonal problems. It may help you with something, but it overall ruins your life in the process. 

Zoning out when you’re bored to think about things that interest you are not the same thing. Wishing your life was better or more glamorous and imagining yourself in a better situation is not the same thing. It is called maladaptive daydreaming for a reason. Please learn more about it before you decide you experience it, because it may not be the same thing.