because you will be left as a husk of a human being

FIC RECS

in honor of gaining another hundred followers on my twitter account @getsterREKT heres another rec list. 

This will just be made up of lots and lots of different types of fics. Make sure to read the warnings for each fic before reading. 

(fics with ** are favorites)


It Takes A Village by  Hypocorismm

Stiles’s used to yogurt handprints on his shirts from where he picked her up, and he’s used to snot on his shoulders and neck from where she cried after a bad dream. He’s used to her legendary tantrums when she doesn’t get her way, her eyes glowing ferocious gold. He’s used to being the village it takes to raise her, and the pack she longs for.

Except, he needs the pack’s help, and Derek’s protection when a particularly power-hungry pack wants his cub. And he isn’t used to sharing.

WORDS: 49227

RATING: Mature

CHAPTERS: 35/35

WARNINGS: angst, kidnapping, mpreg.


Night Stroll by  Marishna

“Is it night there?”

Derek chuckled. “Yeah, it is. How do you know where I am?”

“I don’t, that’s why it’s weird it’s night. That puts you in… Europe?” Stiles asked after some quick math.

Derek raised an eyebrow. “Spain. You haven’t lost that…” Derek waved his hand. “Stileness.”

WORDS: 3276

RATING: Teen and Up

CHAPTER: 1/1

WARNINGS: derek has insomnia??? is that a warning??? idk


****Prince Among Wolves by  tylerfucklin (Deshonanana)

Looking for full day/evening sitter. 2 twin boys age 4. Must have exp. w/werewolves. Must be human. No pedophiles. No teenage girls. Pay negotiable. 

WORDS: 101,000

RATING: Explicit

CHAPTERS: 20/20

WARNINGS: mild transphobia, derek learns acceptance, broken family, so much angst


Walking Into Darkness by  alenie

Derek hears Stiles before he sees him. There’s anxious, wheezy breathing coming from the next aisle over in the grocery store, accompanied by a racing heart and the smell of unwashed sneakers and hair gel. He turns the corner and Stiles is standing frozen in the dairy aisle, knuckles clenched around the metal of his shopping basket.

WORDS: 6342

RATING: Teen and Up

CHAPTERS: 1/1

WARNINGS: panic attacks, anxiety, depression, post 3b, pre-sterek relationship 


****Ashes, Ashes by  ShanaStoryteller

The Sheriff gets a call at work - someone’s tried to burn down his home with his son inside.

“I thought of you coming here, and finding me dead, of another burnt out husk of a body, something else fire has stolen from you, of you having nothing left to grasp but ashes,” John can’t even call that a whimper, it’s clearly a whine as Derek’s hands tighten against Stile’s hips, as if his boy will shudder to dust at the mere mention of the possibility unless Derek’s hands can hold him into one piece, “and that thought was worse than dying.”

WORDS: 2699

RATING: Teen And Up

CHAPTERS:1/1

WARNINGS: so much angst, stiles nearly burns to death


Just Realize What I Just Realized by  literaryoblivion

He’s never noticed it before; it’s always just been second nature to him these days, does it out of habit, but it’s not until he stops to actually think about it that it becomes abundantly and embarrassingly clear to him that he is in love with Stiles and that they are practically dating without the actual dating part…

WORDS: 2529

RATING: Teen And Up

CHAPTERS: 1/1

WARNINGS: a lil angst, (but mostly fluff)


The Potential Fatality of Assuming by  crossroadswrite

The hair, the buttons and the general happy and slightly tired disposition with which Derek came back from his secret exploits were as obvious as a glaring neon sign flashing the words JUST GOT LAID.

A sign that Stiles ignored because he had a seven year plan god damn it.

(OR: in which Stiles assumes things, gets accosted by the sister he never/always wanted, discovers he was horribly wrong, almost dies via Derek Hale with kids, can’t handle all that collarbone action, uses tickling as the ultimate mode of revenge, and gets a boyfriend. In that order.)

WORDS: 2196

RATING: General

CHAPTERS: 1/1

WARNINGS: misunderstandings, because stiles is dumb, lots of pining


****If I Could Trade Mistakes For Sheep, Count Me Away Before You Sleep by  alisaj

“Thing is, Stiles,” Derek says, his voice hard and unfaltering. “I didn’t sign up for you. You just hung around until we got used to you being here.”

That stings. He hadn’t realised how Derek feels about him. They’ve been getting on quite well, teaming up on little missions and bantering back and forth without malice. Stiles sometimes lets Derek crash in his room after a big fight, trying not to let on how intriguing he finds the werewolf.

“Well now we can get used to you not being here. You’re a liability, Stilinski. You can’t protect yourself and we always end up having to help you when we’ve got more important things to do. You’re out of the pack.”

or

The one where Derek is a terrible Alpha and Stiles ends up walking into a big pile of shit.

WORDS: 33,383

RATING: Explicit

CHAPTERS: 1/1

WARNINGS: stiles gets kicked out of the pack, derek is stupid, like, so stupid, stiles gets hurt, theres so much angst in this like wtf, stiles is sad, the pack sucks


Sour Kush (series) by alisvolatpropiis

Stiles mentally curses Erica, because in all of her warnings about how brusque this guy could be, she forgot mention that he’s also hotter than the fucking sun. If Stiles had any lingering questions about his sexuality, they’d be completely settled by what this guy is doing to him. In fact, he might not even be gay anymore. He might be in the midst of crossing into some yet-to-be-named sexuality that’s all about a scruffy black beard and alarming green eyes and muscles and tattoos and this guy’s everything ever.

The guy’s name is Derek, his lust-addled brain supplies distantly.

Well that settles it, then. Stiles is Dereksexual.

WORKS: 3

COMPLETE: it says no but they havent updated in like over 2 years so im guessing its done

WORDS: 15,392

RATING: Explict 

WARNINGS: everyone is stoned all the time, also in work 2 stiles is hurt because he thinks derek is getting it on with parrish, they’re dumb, age difference, derek has a beardddd 


I Just Want You For My Own (More Than You Could Ever Know) by  yodasyoyo

“What is with that sweater, dude?”

Derek ducks his head to look at it, abashed. “Uh- Mrs Hernandez knitted it for me. It’s an early Christmas gift.” He smooths it down self-consciously.

Stiles cocks an eyebrow.

“What? She’s my neighbor and sometimes I-” Derek trails off. Stiles’ other eyebrow rises to join the first, and Derek sighs. “Sometimes I help her carry her shopping.”

Of course he does. One day maybe Stiles will stop being in love with Derek Hale, but today is not that day.

WORDS: 16,065

RATING: Teen And Up

CHAPTERS: 4/4

WARNINGS: pining, fake relationships, they’re both idiots. 


Baby You’re Beautiful by  supernaynay

“God you’re beautiful.”

Derek hadn’t even realized that the words had left his mouth until the whole room went silent, including Stiles, who until about five seconds earlier was busy yelling at him for putting himself in danger yet again.

WORDS: 1089

RATING: General

CHAPTERS: 1/1

WARNINGS: derek is hit with a truth spell


****(Sacred) In The Ordinary by  idyll

The Pack, after college, graduate school and the starting of careers, comes back to Beacon Hills. Nothing’s gotten less complicated after all this time.

Based on a kink meme prompt that grew legs and got serious.

Note: This is a whole lot of pack!fic with a very slow build Derek/Stiles.

WORDS: 78,759

RATING: Explicit

CHAPTERS: 9/9

WARNINGS: violence, slow build


Cause I Built a Home (For You, For Me) by  noneedforhystereks

Mechanic!Derek and Daddy!Stiles

Derek Hale is a mechanic in the sleepy town of Beacon Hills, where he has lived all of his life. He spends his day in a simple routine: wake up, fix cars, go home, sleep. It’s what he’s good at, and it keeps things simple and uncomplicated. Derek doesn’t let people in and remains emotionally distant from everyone except his sister, Laura, and her daughter. This all changes when Boyd tows in an old blue Jeep that needs a lot of work and Derek meets the owner of said Jeep.

Because once Derek meets Stiles and his kids, he can’t stop himself from caring. And he doesn’t want to stop.

WORDS: 59,719

RATING: Explicit

CHAPTERS: 15/15

WARNINGS: angst, pining, emotional hurt, stiles has a lot of baggage. 


Waiting For Our Superman by  tearsandholdme

Derek knew the moment he opened the front door of his clean and pristine apartment to Stiles Stilinski holding a small boy, a cluster of bags, and a suitcase, he was screwed. In every way possible. Undone by the big brown eyes of a small child and his annoying, witty, and attractive father.

WORDS: 95,240

RATING: Mature

CHAPTERS: 22/22

WARNINGS: angst, mpreg, emotional hurt, overprotective derek


Adding You to My Future by  NekoIzumi

“So, I’m Stiles.” he smiled warmly once he had put his unannounced patient down on the exam table. “I will poke and prod you a little bit to check for internal injuries, those that I can’t see because they’re inside you, and some of it might hurt but it will pass, I promise. I will tell you everything I’m about to do and why I’m doing it so just stay calm and this will go like a breeze, okay?”

Now, Stiles wasn’t stupid in any way, shape or form, he knew a were when he saw one… although he had obviously never seen a werecat before, and definitely not one as young as this one.

WORDS: 42,252

RATING: Explicit

CHAPTERS:9/9

WARNINGS: violence, like, lots of violence, slow build, gore, emotional comfort, bamf stiles


Stars Plummet: a Christmas Story by  Peckishdragon

When Stiles left Beacon Hills, he never thought he would be coming back. Eight years later, he is coming home for Christmas, with a small passenger in tow. Old feelings, never forgotten, are rekindled.

WORDS: 11,589

RATING: Mature

CHAPTERS: 6/6

WARNINGS: a lil violence, like a tiny bit, 


All They Have by  Nival_Vixen

Single dads AU where Derek and Stiles meet because Derek’s daughter and Stiles’ trans son become friends at school.

WORDS: 4004

RATING: Teen And Up

CHAPTERS: 1/1

WARNINGS: trans child, which leads to ignorant adults being ugly fucks, protective derek 


love comes in all shapes and sizes by  trilliastra

“Daddy says that when I’m in trouble I should get the police because they always help us. You’re going to help me, right?” Stiles smiles at her, happy that today he decided to stop by the grocery store to buy milk after his shift instead of going straight home. At least now he’s able to help the little girl, who knows what would have happened to her if he weren’t around.

“Of course I will.” He smiles again. “What’s your name?”

“Rebecca Hale.” She answers proudly. “My daddy is Derek Hale.”

WORDS: 2207

RATING: Teen and Up

CHAPTERS: 1/1

WARNINGS: kate argent


When You Wish Upon a Dragon by  lupinus

Stiles is at the Hale house, lounging on the front stoop watching Isaac, Erica, and Boyd wrestle, when the baby comes running out of the woods.
Derek becomes instant father to a magically appearing baby and falls in love. Stiles can’t take the cute and worries Derek’s heart will break if he loses the kid. 

or, a dragon gives derek a baby, stiles is oblivious, steve just loves his bright pink rocking unicorn and his da and ma 

WORDS: 13,739

RATING: Teen and Up

CHAPTERS: 1/1

WARNINGS: none, but so much fluff


****Lucky That I’m Yours Every Day by  stilinskisparkles

Derek doesn’t see how Valentine’s Day can get any better than a normal day with Stiles.

WORDS: 6772

RATING: Teen and Up

CHAPTERS: 1/1

WARNINGS: fluff. just. all the fluff. its disgusting how fluffy it is really.


Relationship Status: It’s Complicated by  kellifer_fic

Okay, I know this is a huge stretch for you, but can you please pretend you’re like, into me?

WORDS: 4010

RATING: Mature

CHAPTERS: 1/1

WARNING: mentioned stiles/omc 


***************Shot Through The Heart by  LunaCanisLupus_22

All they’ve given him is the guy’s head shot. And it’s terrible because now he is ridding the world of one more ridiculously attractive, instant pants dropping- take me now, if you please- regulation hottie.

Even if he has a scowl to rival Kirsten Stewart.

Or the one when Stiles and Derek work for rival assassin companies and are sent to kill each other. It definitely doesn’t go as planned.

WORDS: 64,833

RATING: Explicit

CHAPTERS: 12/12

WARNINGS: so much violence, they literally try to kill eachother, enemies to lovers pretty much


will to follow through by  owlpostagain

“It depends entirely on how you look at it, I guess,” Stiles shrugs. “On the one hand, instant healing and the apparently inherited ability to pull off leather at all times. On the other, serious attitude problems and a suspicious disappearance of eyebrows.”

“Even Derek’s?” Danny snorts, “that’s a lot of eyebrow to lose.”

“I know,” Stiles agrees. “You should see, it’s so weird. Every time I want to ask him where they go, except he’d totally eat my face off.”

“There are worse ways to die.”

WORDS: 42,411

RATING: Teen and Up

CHAPTERS: 2/2

WARNINGS: angst, mentions of violence, 


Professor D. Hale (series) by  har1ey_quinn


A series of outsider POVs on Professor Hale and his significant other (with some guest appearances from the pack)

WORKS: 7

COMPLETE: possibly

WORDS: 18,008

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: none


go on without me!!!! (or the one where stiles is cursed by witches and overreacts to everything) by  day

Stiles is cursed by witches and he can’t react like a normal human being.
Scott is a terrible best friend and can’t stop laughing.
Derek just wants it all to be over.

WORDS: 1396

RATING: General

CHAPTERS: 1/1

WARNINGS: crack


******For My Next Trick, I’ll Regret All of My Life Choices: a performance by Derek Hale and 80% of his eyebrows by  crossroadswrite

(978): I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
.
“What’s wrong with my eyebrows?”

Kira gives him a sympathetic look, and climbs up to sit next to him, “You kind of… don’t have one.”

“I what!” he shouts, wincing at the volume of his own voice.

Kira pats him on the shoulder and shoves a piece of toast in his hand.

“It’s not that bad,” she tries to console him with a smile, then glances up at his left eyebrow and winces, “It could definitely be worse. It’s not all gone. Just. Half of it.”

Derek considers crying into his orange juice but decides that would be a waste and because his mother taught him how to be a good guest he opts to drink it instead.

WORDS: 2566

RATING: Teen and Up

CHAPTERS: 1/1

WARNINGS: none buT THIS FIC IS AN ALL TIME FAV, THE FUCKING SQUIRRELS VIKING BURIAL GETs ME EVERYTIME, AND BATMAN OH MY

Con Artist

The Sunday before my birthday a black snake appeared in our back patio. Just a black racer, (non-venomous) but lightning fast and this one was aggressive.

I don’t know if you’ve ever laid flat on the floor looking under a couch for a pissed off snake, but it makes you a little jumpy. I wrenched my neck in the burning lurch trying to not get bit. After about 15 minutes of slowly carefully moving boxes & furniture, trying to flush out the snake, and with the help of my brave wife, I finally got it over by the door.  It refused to make a run for it. It just coiled up there hissing and rattling its tail like some kind of nightmare. I didn’t want to hurt it and I didn’t want to get bit, but it kept striking at me as I waved a pillow at it. Finally, I was able to push it out the door with a broom, while it kept striking the whole way.

That same afternoon my wife and I went with some friends to see a documentary about a dead poet. About ⅓ of it was beautiful footage of California farms while the narrator read the dead poet’s words. The dead poet was terrific, but he was a typical shitty human being - 3 ex-wives and lots of drugs and fucking his friends’ wives, girlfriends, and students. All the usual BS while either being a college student or professor. Another ⅓ of the film were interviews with other famous poets. One of my favorites was a famous poet who’d written her most acclaimed book almost 30 years ago. Her book won awards and was about the atrocity of war, but the front cover was a picture of her; twenty something and beautiful.

All the interviewed poets mostly talked about their own books and experiences with the dead poet. At the Q&A session after the documentary, the director said they had 200+ hours of footage of poets being interviewed. I guess they were only able to edit about 30 minutes of it and even then they just talked about themselves and their work.

The other 1/3 of the film was comprised of still photos of this dead poet’s face while people talked about what a character he was. He’d grown up on a farm in with parents who were decent people. Then he went to college and was a student for 10 years till he got his Ph.D. Then he was a teacher at several universities. He died at the age of 49, alone, on a coke bender. None of the other poets even noticed he was missing until his mail piled up. Several days later, the firemen broke into his house and found his body.

This is what I hate about art. This is what I hate about writers. I don’t want your fucking picture on the cover of your poetry book. Why not use a picture of a sewer pipe or the perhaps the Atlantic Ocean?

This isn’t about you - FUCK YOU! The artist is an egotistical little shit. A baby who cries about shit while the world changes their diaper. I don’t have time for artists. I know the scam. The artist will swindle you. They will take everything and do their best to leave you happy for it. They will fuck and suck you every which way imaginable until there is nothing left of you. You are just an old photograph to be interviewed. A 70-something husk fretting over her cats. The best you can hope for is that the great artist will have immortalized your brief encounter with a few overwrought flourishes about how each little moment was… some earnest poetic BS about love. Because the truth isn’t poetic. Meanwhile, true love surrounds us, changing diapers.  

THE MANDELA EFFECT PT. 2 [BARRY ALLEN]

summary: in which barry allen returns to the original timeline and discovers that he has gained another seemingly important person to his life.

a/n: did not expect the part one to have a lot of reads in one day but thank you!! this part two of the imagine is the continuation of the supposed fanfic i was going to make, so as you can probably notice, it follows the story line of the flash’s third season and is also written in third person.

PART 1, PART 3, PART 4

Masterlist + Request here!

The sun shone brightly as Y/N along with Barry marched towards the rocky shore, heading to the place where Julian Albert was examining the latest skin husk. Barry was trailing behind you, noticing that from the short time he has spent with Y/N in this new timeline, she was an independent woman who knew how to get work done.

Y/N, on the other hand, noticed every different movement Barry has been showing since yesterday. When he suddenly ran off and left her in their apartment, Y/N already began to get suspicious. For that whole day, it didn’t seem like the two spoke too much, probably because Barry was taking in his brand new life by bits and pieces, visiting his old friend Felicity Smoak to listen to him. Or perhaps he didn’t know how to act towards Y/N and purposely avoided her throughout the day in fear of confrontation.

“Julian, I thought you could use some help on this one. You know, the two heads thing and all.” Y/N called out to the man who was crouched down, taking some evidence for tests later on.

Julian turned around to take a look on who was speaking, noticing Barry that made him automatically scowl.

“I don’t need any help, Detective.” he told Y/N, “Especially from him.” he nodded towards Barry’s direction.

Barry ignored this and instead crouched down as well to take a better look on what was on the rocks. “What is that?” he asked.

“Another epidermal husk, Allen. A fully intact human pelt, comprised of nothing but the stratum corneum.” Julian was quick to respond, noticing Barry’s clueless expression in which he looked at Y/N, “You see what I mean?”

Y/N sighed but said nothing.

Barry rolled his eyes. “Do we have any theories as to what’s causing them?”

“Well, I’ll take a wild guess at it and say it’s the same thing that created the last four husks.” Julian answered sarcastically.

“Spalling could be caused from toxic epidermal necrolysis, or maybe some kind of moist desquamation from intense radiation exposure.” Barry suggested as he looked at Y/N.

It was the first time they have even made eye contact since yesterday and Barry felt as if his stomach dropped. He was still talking though, and Y/N/s gaze on his face caused him to stammer.

“We’ve had a lot of …” Barry trailed.

“Radioactive metas.” Julian finished his sentence for him. “Yes, thank you, Allen. I’ve read all the case studies. I’ll tell you what, when I figure it out, I’ll enlighten you then, shall I?”

Barry forced a smile onto his face. “Thanks.” he said before standing up and putting his sunglasses on.

Y/N chuckled at his obvious state of annoyance towards his co-worker and stood beside him. “Let me guess, you hate him.” she mused.

Barry sighed, “How have I worked with this guy for the past year?”

“Patience. Extreme patience.” she answered.

“Makes sense.” Barry muttered.

Y/N turned back to Julian, “Hey, are you certain that Barry can’t take a sample or something to speed things along?”

Julian stood up, “I’m sure, Detective.” he gave Barry a disappointed look, “Quite sure.”

Barry nodded.

Y/N raised her eyebrows at him and he immediately understood why, speeding over then and getting his own sample without getting noticed. They turned around as Barry readjusted his case, Y/N walking closer to his side to say something.

“You might wanna get that to S.T.A.R. Labs.” she looked up at him since he was much taller than her.

Barry nodded. “Yeah.”

As they climbed up to the steps, Barry offered a hand to Y/N to help her push herself up since they were a bit high. She gladly took it and smiled gratefully at the gesture. When they reached the top, Y/N didn’t bother to let go of Barry’s hand, in which the speedster’s neck suddenly became hot because of the skin contact.

“You’ve been acting very differently.” Y/N began. “It’s like you always find a way to avoid me and if I touch you you flinch.”

Barry’s mouth felt dry. “Uh, what?”

“Oh, don’t give me that look.” Y/N chuckled. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Barry’s heart beat became instantly fast at how observant she was, and how she managed to know something wasn’t right in the span of being with Barry for only two days.

He let go of her hand in that moment, guilt filling his head, causing Y/N to arch an eyebrow. “Barry, are you really sure that everything is —”

“Y/N, I’m sorry.” he said, “But I can’t lie to you like this. You really seem like a nice girl and …” he sighed.

“What?” she asked.

“I just need time to think about what we’re supposed to be.” he explained. “Because I don’t honestly know.”

Y/N crossed her arms, “You don’t know? What kind of crap of an excuse is that supposed to be?”

Barry was intimidated by how she was speaking to him right now and how her eyes pierced through his.

“You wouldn’t understand.” he reasoned.

Y/N snorted, “I’m sure I would. You can’t tell me that you don’t know what we are after being my boyfriend for a year.”

He widened his eyes. “A year?”

“Yes, a whole year.” she said.

Barry sighed and frustratingly ran his finger through his hair. “Y/N, I think we need to talk.”

She scoffed because of what he said, “I think we really do, Barry.”

In that moment, Barry carried her bridal style back to their supposedly shared apartment. Y/N didn’t seem to be surprised at his actions, it almost seemed as if she had expected it.

“Okay, so explain.” she urged him.

Barry licked his lips, “What I’m about to tell you is really crazy and I need you to promise me to keep it to yourself before telling the others. I mean, I don’t even know why I’m telling you this but you’re not even supposed to be here in the first place so –”

“Excuse me?” Y/N cut him off in shock of what he claimed.

He raised his hands up in surrender, “Just please, Y/N, promise me. Just trust me on this.”

Y/N looked at him and sighed. “I’ve always trusted you, Barry.”

With that statement, his face softened, and then he started to explain.

✦ ✦ ✦

“You’re telling me that right after Henry died in this” – she made air quotes with her hands – “original timeline, you went back to the night when your mother died and stopped the Reverse-Flash from killing her. And then you lived in another timeline which is called Flashpoint where both of your parents are alive and you are not the Flash. Then when you went back and changed the timeline again, Iris and Joe aren’t speaking and I am suddenly your girlfriend.”

“Well, if you put it that way it does sound a little surreal.” Barry pointed out.

Y/N found herself sitting down on the chair inside their kitchen, gripping the mug she has been holding for the whole time they talked. Barry took the seat beside her, not really knowing what to tell her when he basically just told the poor girl that he didn’t love her and didn’t even remember every single thing that happened for the past year while Y/N considered it as the best year of her life.

She shrugged, “It’s not surreal if you’re the Flash and really do have the ability to travel back to time.”

Barry pursed his lips, “I’m sorry, Y/N. You needed to know.”

“I know.” she nodded, her eyes already brimming with tears at the realization. “I just - I just need time to think clearly.”

Y/N’s mouth felt dry. She also felt like she has been punched in the face and the oxygen in her body was knocked out of her system. How was she supposed to react when the boy she truly loved claimed that he doesn’t even know her nor even loved her back. She could feel her breathing getting faster by each minute that passed.

“Where are you going?” Barry had asked when Y/N abruptly stood up, got her bag, and headed towards the door.

She looked back, “Somewhere where I can be alone with my thoughts.” she said, gently closing the door shut then, the tears in her eyes escaping and falling on her cheeks.

Dirty Little Secret - Theo Raeken and Brett Talbot Smut

Request: Rough smut with Brett and Theo for anon

Warnings: SMUT, threesomes, dominant werewolves 

A/N: With exams this took me a while but I’m proud of the smut in this. Requests are open and remember to have holy water before, while or after reading this.

Hands roamed all over your body. Feeling each finger run down your curves, carving out a path that soon delicate lips would follow. Your whole body felt like it was on fire. Your body was switched on to breeding mode and you were in heat. An hour ago Scott could only tell you what your body was going through and Malia wasn’t human when she went through this, so you went to the other werewolf you knew. Brett Talbot.

Seeing as the werewolf gene was passed down and not forcefully given to him. You’d expect that he knew more about his supernatural side than Scott but the poor boy was a clueless as you were. There was something off about your body but paying little attention you continued on with your quest on trying to find more information about your “state”.  You were oblivious to the fact that Brett took a deep breath in, holding the air to slowly release after his lungs burned with the need for fresh air. A grumble too low for your busy mind to comprehend bubbled up in his chest while his eyes shined yellow.

Images of cocky blue eyes filled your mind clouding your usual rational thinking, urging you to find the body they belonged to. Blue boys transforming into a mischievous smirk broke through the walls of doubt Stiles had you build. Though you saw nothing wrong with Theo, nor did your alpha but Stiles being Stiles made you built walls higher than the Empire State building, you know just incase. The thought of Theo’s eyes trailing down your body did it for you. Without your brain truly processing the thought, you found yourself walking out of Brett’s house, mind still buzzing with the thought of Theo only for a large hand to pull you back.

“Y/N, What are you doing” Brett asked, pulling you back until your back was flat against his chest.

His husky voice filled your ears as his lips though not near any skin sent shivers down your spine. Inhaling deeply to clear your thoughts backfired as the smell of a freshly rained afternoon filled your senses, heat travelling through your body gently warming you up.

“Brett, can you call Theo” you gently whispered not being able to find any strength in your voice.

Brett not understanding why you suddenly wanted Theo immediately denied your request, wrapping his arm tighter around your body.

“Brett, please call Theo” you pleaded again, your eyes flickering from it’s original colour to yellow.

Heeding your request, he gently lead you to the couch laying you down before calling Theo only for the warm, comforting feeling to turn painful.

Letting out a slow moan of pain you closed your eyes trying to block out your now enhanced senses. Crying out loudly, you arched your back off the couch as you skin had suddenly exploded into flames. Brett being startled with your outburst dropped the phone with Theo shouting out questions before hanging up, picked you up carrying you into his room. Huddling closer to his chest, finding the tiniest amount of relief as the heat shot through your body once again. Brett feeling helpless to your pain slowly ran his fingers through your hair trying to keep in control of himself until help came. Focusing on staying human proved to be extremely difficult as the pheromones escaping your body was driving his wolf insane with desire.

Brett’s ears caught the sound of his door slamming shut as hurried footsteps climbed up the stairs saving him from the brink of insanity. The door surged open as Theo’s face masked with a facade came into view. Your breeding scent assaulted his senses and the facade altered for a second as he drunk up the call of your body before putting it back up.

“Where’s Scott, where is her alpha when she is in heat?” Theo’s voice rose with the thought of an alpha leaving his unmated beta to fend for herself during her most vulnerable time.

“He’s not here. She wanted me to call you” Brett replied. Hearing the unmasked power in Theo’s voice, sent waves of heat throughout your body, pooling in between your legs. Greedy for the attention of both the boys, you let out a high pitch whine signalling your discomfort and your need for relief. Losing the fight with your primal instincts, you let the she wolf take over your body with the need to mate, though as the shewolf examined the two for a potential mate, the need for both came into play as she looked up at both and smirked.

“Scott can’t give me what I want” the shewolf stated with eyes glowing bright yellow and husk deep in her voice. ” The she wolf stood up from Brett’s bed and slowly made her way to the boys with a glint of mischief sparkling in her eyes.

“Scott’s too weak to be my mate, to give the aggression my body needs, that my body deserves.” The she wolf purred into Theo’s ear while her fingertips lightly moved across his toned body. Closing his eyes, Theo unsuccessfully tried to keep control of the situation by breathing in only to succumb to the arousal radiating off you. Slowly while keeping a firm gaze with Brett, you left a shadow of kisses down Theo’s front until you were kneeling in front of him. Breaking the gaze with Brett, you up looked up at Theo to find his eyes shut and his breathing shallow.

Bringing your hands up, you slowly unbuttoned his pants with your eyes focused still on his face for any reactions. Disappointed with the lack of reaction, you brought your hands to his boxers, palming him slowly until he let out a long needed moan. Brett watching you both walked behind you, pulling the hair away from your face, making a ponytail in his hands. Roughly pulling your head back as you looked at him through hooded eyes.

“Scott can’t give it to you rough is what your saying?” Brett stated pulling your hair back even more. Your eyes rolled back, letting out a low moan as the pain slowly turned into pleasure. A hand curled around your exposed throat causing you to grip onto Theo’s pants to tighten. Creeping up to your chin the hand firmly pulled your head down until your yellow eyes were parallel with Theo’s.

“And what will Scott do when he finds out his innocence little beta fucked two guys, one being his rival?” Theo questioned with a smirk littering his face.

“Who says Scott needs to know.”  You said with your eyes big as innocent as can be. “You said it yourself, he left me by myself when I’m most vulnerable so why should he care who I fuck or in this case how many guys I fuck”. Leaning body back onto Brett’s, you wrapped your hand around Theo’s excited member slowly stroking him to heaven and back.

“Tell me Theo, you’re not afraid of Scott are you?” you egged him on, turning to Brett to give him your attention.

“What makes you think that Y/N?” Theo drawled in annoyance as he held his hand on top of your own guiding the pace of your sweet torture.

Licking a drop of precum from Brett’s member, you looked up and replied “You seem to be very reluctant to fuck me and do I dare say it’s because you’re scared of Scott finding out?”

With his eyes fully changing into yellow, Theo spread your mouth open with his fingers only for Brett to thrust himself choking you completely. Theo pulled you hair painfully with the makeshift ponytail Brett had made in the beginning as a sign for Brett to start his assault to your mouth.

“Talbot, I think our little slut needs to show her who really owns every inch of her body” Theo said as his remaining hand gripped onto one of your breasts, pinching the nipple hard. Moaning out in pain you shut your eyes to gain the full experience of the sweet torture. Theo lifting you up off your kneeling position, laid you across his lap while Brett filled your mouth with himself again. Theo caressed your cheeks softly preparing you for your punishment for egging him on. Distracted with pleasuring Brett, the unexpected pain of Theo’s hand striking you, your body jumped up with surprise and pain to feel Theo rubbing the spot he striked. Laughing at your reaction, Theo continued on and every moan of pain brought Brett closer to his own release. Flattening your tongue across his length, you rocked your head back and forth as your confidence built up with the moans and growls cascading from him. Using the vibration from your moans to send him over the brink, Brett’s member twitched and your mouth was filled with his salty essence. Brett took himself out of our mouth and you swallowed his cum, smiling at him when you were finished.

Throwing you onto the bed, Theo spread your legs wide to admire the cause of both his and Brett’s loss of control. Looking at the petal like lips dripping with sweet cream he and Brett would soon feast from. Meeting your gaze, he lowered his head and took a hefty lick from your heat. Throwing your head back, Brett attached his lips to a puffy rosebud while his hands attended to the other one. Moan after moan spilled out of your lips as Theo circled your clit with his tongue will one of his fingers slipped into your entrance adding to the pleasure you felt. A shock of pain travelled through your nerves as Brett nibbled on your nipple, alternating when he felt necessary. Both boys working together to bring you to the brink of your climax before stopping completely.

Whining out at the loss of contact, Brett laid on the bed ready for you to lay on top of him and Theo turning you on to your stomach ready for you to accommodate both boys. The heat had turned all eyes yellow and claws replaced nails. You were dripping with anticipation, reading yourself for the mating of a lifetime. Both boys dipping their members into your cream, then slowly entering into to you as you let out a howl. Grumbles from the chests of both the boys became louder and louder as the entered into you inch by inch. Feeling completely full both physically and mentally, your claws dug into Brett’s skin as he latched on to your neck.

Without any adjustment, Theo pulled himself out, teasing you with the tip to only slam himself back into your warm body. Sandwiched in between the two dominant males, you had no choice but to let them both work you from their different positions into insanity. Crying out loud when Brett found your g spot to only hit it over and over again as Theo’s hands reached under finding your clit to start tormenting it. With both boys working in sync to bring you closer and closer to your high, they both could feel your body clenching on to them, milking them of their cum. As Theo pinched your clit, you threw your head back as euphoria took over every inch of your body.

Slumped onto Brett, the boys made you ride out your orgasm and continued thrusting as their growls got louder and louder. Theo’s claws dug into your hips and Brett bit into your neck as their thrusts got sloppier filling you further than ever before. Feeling the boys twitch, you aided with their efforts as you clenched around them over and over again until Brett released his teeth from your neck, letting out a moan while releasing himself inside of you only for Theo to release a few thrusts after.

The dark room was filled with panting and the smell of sweat and sex. Theo pulled himself out of you as you rolled of Brett laying exhausted next to him. Snuggling into Brett, you opened your eyes to see Theo dressing himself only to say “remember to keep this our dirty little secret” to Theo before sleep took you from consciousness.

The Declaration of a Crochan Queen

Following on from my Dorian Havilliard ficlet from a couple of days ago - The Confession of a Reluctant King - here is Manon Blackbeak’s confessional, looking back on her life from her point of view. This is a companion piece, so it works quite nicely read after his.

Once again, feedback is greatly appreciated.

Find me on AO3


When you’ve lived as long as I have, the world starts to look very grey. Except when I go hunting, then it’s bathed in red.

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Nap

Clarke’s come to recognize the familiar tug of her stomach that kicks in as she looks up and realizes there isn’t anyone else waiting to be seen. It’s just a little jump at first, in part relief that her day is finally, finally over, and in part that tickle of excitement that comes with a new kind of wanting. Clarke takes her time, though. She checks medical’s inventory, restocks where supplies are low and makes sure all the notes from her shift are in order. The world may be ending, but goddamn it, medical will stay in order until it does.

As she scrubs out, Clarke lets herself lean into the low haze of exhaustion that’s been prickling the back of her mind all day. Hours of meetings this morning, and then she’d arranged with Kane that she would cover her mom’s shift so Abby could get some rest. She feels like she’s gone nonstop for days, and honestly, one of the empty cots in medical, as lumpy and threadbare as they are, is starting to look pretty appealing right now. But as tired as she is, what Clarke wants, really feels with a deep thrumming in her lower belly, is to get fucked.

Specifically, she wants to get fucked by Bellamy.

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19 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before I Turned 20 so I Didn’t Waste a Decade:

 a list poem for working-class  girls trying to grow up and into themselves

1. It is okay to leave anyone and anything and anyplace that makes you feel like shit.  It’s hard, but it’s okay.  And fuck explaining anything to anyone, unless you want to.  Let them fucking wonder.

 2. Know who the fuck you are.  Not just on some touchy-feely fuzzy pretty-on-the-inside tip, but knowing who you are racially, culturally, in relationship to your sexuality, gender and your class- is a source of your power.  You define that for you.   Don’t ever let anyone else tell you who you are.  This may change in time, as you grow and learn more.  That’s okay.  Manage any shame or guilt you may feel through acts of accountability.

 3.  Be accountable for what you do.  This means owning up to how you fuck up, just as much as it means owning and defending the contested space you fill.  You will fuck up, and only you can seek atonement for this.  You will need to defend yourself, and rarely will anyone do that work for you.  Acknowledging both your mistakes and your rights is equally important.

 4. They will call you crazy.  You are a woman.  There is no way of going through the world in the moment we live in and not get called crazy by someone, often someone you wish would see you as deeply sane.  You are not crazy.  The world is fucking crazy.  If you are affected by this imbalanced, unjust world, it only proves that you are a sentient being with some sense of empathy.

 5. Empathy is built.  You need to learn to really listen.  This means listening without thinking about how it relates to you, or planning the next thing you are going to say.  This means seeing everyone, regardless of who they are, as a human being.  You cannot really be a human being unless you regard everyone as such, even your greatest nemeses and the gravest perpetrators.  All of our damage comes from somewhere.  Yours and everyone else’s.  Learn to listen to others.  Learn to listen to yourself.  Empathy cannot exist without really, deeply listening first.

 6. You are going to have moments of unbearable pain.  It takes time to learn how to heal yourself.  And healing sometimes still leaves scars.  Healing is sometimes incomplete.  Think of your scars as battle-wounds – evidence of how much wiser you are now- maps of where not to return.  Cherish these scars and honor them.  There will come times when they are the only reminder of where you have been, and how much you still need to grow.

 7. You are going to have moments of unbearable loneliness.  You need to learn how to love being with yourself, because ultimately, no one has the potential to love you like you can.  It is beautiful to love and be loved, but these are just hints as to how to regard yourself.  If you regard yourself highly, and learn to turn loneliness into soothing solitude, you will be capable of giving and receiving truly transformative love.

 8. Find something that makes you feel like the world makes sense, even if you can’t justify it intellectually to yourself or anyone else.  Personally, if I don’t rock a wall, get up, get laid, get down on a dancefloor, read a good book, write a poem, listen to a mind-blowing record or have a soul-shaking, satisfying conversation at least once a week, the world doesn’t make sense to me and I am unmoored.  If I don’t get these things for a month, I become a total, inconsolable, incomprehensible wreck.  This wreck can easily snowball into all kinds of self-destruction.  Find what works for you and be loyal to it as a loyalty to yourself.

 9. The world you live in is sick.  This sickness creeps into all of us, and in many it manifests as an inability to love oneself, let alone others.  Some of those afflicted with a parasitic strain of this illness will latch onto you as a host.  You may believe it is part of your nature to nurture and support endlessly.  These people will eat your love whole, and you with it, and leave you as a husk.  You can grow again from your husk, but it will be hard, and it takes time and the training of betrayal and heartbreak to learn to trust yourself enough to determine who is worthy of your trust.  Do not let anyone ride you.  Only walk with those who will walk side by side with you, as an equal.

 10. Do not fuck with lovers that don’t prioritize your pleasure.  That can look like a lot of different things, and you’re probably still figuring it out.  Don’t put up with lovers that don’t give you room to explore, to express, and above all – if a lover is only focused on using you as a vessel to reach their plateau –be out.  This doesn’t mean to ignore your partner’s pleasure, but rather to see yours as of equal worth.

 11.  You are not responsible for the actions of those who hated themselves so much that they hurt you on purpose.

 12. Collectivism is a beautiful concept, and something worth constantly striving toward and building.  Collectivism has radically changed and challenged unjust structures and institutions.  But if you sacrifice your own survival for the benefit of the whole, you will find yourself wringing your hands and questioning the meaning of your life and doubting the worth of others in light of their unabashed self-interest.  Find a balance.

 13.  Do not carry broken people who are not in the process of rebuilding themselves.

 14. You are not your job.  Your job is simply a paycheck, and you are probably not compensated what you are worth and it is not your fucking fault- you inherited a broken economic system, and you will not be the first generation to fight for your right to live.  But you need to fucking fight for your right to live, in solidarity, with those around you who are also struggling.

 15.  Going to college is an accomplishment.  It does not, however, make you better than anyone else.  It doesn’t make you essentially more intelligent.  You never really make it “out” of the class you came from, and you never really make it “in” to the class you aspired to.

 16.  If you cannot translate what you have learned from whatever access you’ve had back to wherever you came from, then you have not gained anything- you have changed.  Assimilation is a choice.  Seek to be a translator.  Seek to share your access to those who you may have left behind.  Seek to disrupt the structures that taught those of us who gained more access that we are worth more than where we left, and less than what we found ourselves among.

17. Never take validation too deeply to heart.  This is especially true of those who came up entrenched in the age of social media.  The gaze of hegemony is always on us.  Find validation in the ratio between how positively you impact yourself and others versus how you fuck up and hurt others.  You will hurt others.  Be accountable for this, when you need to be, and always be mindful of how often that happens in relation to those you help grow.  None of us can be saints, but we can be salient and sentient.

 18. Take your struggle to your community, and find community in those whose struggles intersect.  It is only within one another that we will make any sense of this destroyed world and it’s corrupt ideology that we’ve inherited.  Fight.  Fight.  Fight.

 19.  You are inherently valuable.  You have worth.  Ask no one for permission for this.

sleep

Derek hasn’t slept for more than an hour or two at a time since Laura died. He’s running on anger alone, and he thinks that it’s probably enough. He shifts into his beta form when the weariness gets too bad to function—when he stumbles, when he sways, when he reaches for something and misses—and uses the wolf’s energy to supplement the weaker human’s. It’s not sustainable, probably, but what the hell does Derek care about that? Because the alternative…

The alternative is stopping, and taking a breath, and facing up to the fact that he’s alone, that his entire pack is dead, and everything that happened is his fault.

So, no.

No stopping. No thinking. No resting.

The first time it happens, Derek has gone to Stiles’s house to talk to him about Scott. Scott is a werewolf now, but he’s resisting everything that means including Derek—especially Derek—and Derek knows the only way to get him to see reason is to get Stiles on side. And Stiles seems smart, and practical, even if he is more than a little weird and twitchy.

So Derek goes to his house.

The sheriff’s cruiser is in the drive, so Derek climbs in Stiles’s bedroom window. Which, by the way, is becoming a habit he should probably break sooner rather than later. Stiles’s bedroom door is shut, but the room is empty.

Derek can hear him babbling away to the sheriff downstairs. The sheriff doesn’t sound like he’s contributing too much. Just the occasional affirming noise that encourages Stiles to keep going.

Derek huffs, and glares around Stiles’s bedroom.

He taps the trackpad on Stiles’s laptop, and the screen opens. It’s password protected. Derek types “I TALK TOO MUCH”, but that’s not the password, apparently. Then he types “LYDIA” and isn’t too surprised when it doesn’t work. Stiles might be obsessed with the girl, but everyone knows it, and who’d be stupid enough to pick such an obvious password as the girl he’s crushing on?

There’s a half empty can of Coke on Stiles’s desk. Derek drinks it.

He sits down on Stiles’s bed and stares at the posters on the wall.

The bed is comfortable. The mattress is firm, but not too hard. Derek can’t remember the last time he lay on a mattress, so he lies down and stretches out. Takes a deep breath and fills his lungs with the scent of Stiles—grotty teenage boy, and stale sweat with an undertone of Bengay, but also something clean and earthy like petrichor—and promptly passes out.

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Do you know who might be the most central person to the Overwatch plot?

Not the Reaper/Soldier conflict or the entire mess with Blackwatch/Talon.

Not the dysfunctional Shimada family.

Or the others.

It’s THIS guy:

Originally posted by welodya


Why?

Well, here is his (part of) his lore:

“The attack on the Australian omnium’s fusion core forever altered the landscape of the Outback. After the detonation, the area was transformed into a harsh, irradiated wasteland, littered with debris and the twisted fragments of the ruined facility, and unlivable to most.

But there were some who survived. Calling themselves the Junkers, they scavenged the husk of the omnium and formed a lawless, cutthroat society in its shadow. Junkrat was one of them, eking out a living reclaiming metal and components from the ruins. Like many others, he was affected by the lingering radiation. This touch of madness made him ideal for handling dangerous explosives, a love which he turned into an obsession.

He came to notoriety when he discovered an extremely valuable secret in the bones of the omnium. Though few knew the nature of what he found, he was nonetheless pursued by bounty hunters, gangs, and opportunists wherever he went, until he made a deal with the Junker enforcer Roadhog, who grudgingly agreed to be his personal bodyguard in exchange for a fifty-fifty share of the spoils.

Now, with Roadhog in tow, Junkrat has left the Outback, and embarked upon an international crime spree leaving nothing but havoc and bedlam in his wake.”

That guy is the ONLY human being who knows something about the Omnic crisis. And someone with a LOT of power wants him dead and put a massive bounty on his head. Just think about it: a TOTALLY RADIATED FREAK THAT LOVES JUGGLING WITH EXPLOSIVES AND WHO HAS ZERO POLITICAL POWER - and someone is still sure that with whatever he knows he’s still going to cause them trouble before he dies, which, in Junkrat’s case, might not be very long, simply because of the radiation, but also because of his love for blowing things up. Whatever he found out must have been HELLA important.

Keep in mind: the cause for the Omnic Crisis is STILL UNKNOWN. So whatever secret he might have found in there might DIRECTLY RELATE TO THAT. This literally makes him the most important character in the whole game.

And the best part: he probably doesn’t even know.

Or already has forgotten it. Let’s be real here, it’s Junkrat we are talking about here. Or it has driven him even more insane… also possible.

MikaYuu  Fic Rec                             yuumika

Gutterflower by Yamiga

For Yuu, life was relatively normal, and he liked it that way. He was a skilled soldier in the JIDA force, even for his age. With one of his adoptive parents being the head of the army, and the other being from a far off foreign land, things are always interesting. However, blind by his own happiness Yuu finds himself one day far into the labs of the JIDA force, stumbling upon a vampire experiment that he simply can’t take his eyes off of.
Or
Yuu finds Mika as a vampire experiment by accident, but it doesn’t take him long to fall for him.

Tinged Gray by XxFleetingEmbracexX

Six years have passed since the end of the war. The world, although left in shambles, is slowly beginning to heal its wounds. The newly appointed General, Kureto Hiiragi, has found a way of keeping the remaining vampires alive and under the control of a few select people. They are now kept as slaves, sold and traded off in auctions designed by the military. Yuichirou Hyakuya, now 26, is in charge of overseeing security measures for one such auction when he is reunited with the boy he once thought was dead.

A sick game of power and greed forces him to question his loyalties as he tries to reclaim the bond he once had with Mikaela Hyakuya.

Mikaela and the Duke by 1AlexLaw7

Set in England, 1846, Yuuichiro is now the Duke of the town of Sanguiem due to the deaths of his late parents Shoichiro and Yuko. His uncle, Guren assumed head of the house to carry out the work that Yuu is too young to handle. His friends, Marquess Shinoa, Earl Kimizuki, Viscount Yoichi go out into town disguised as commoners as per their favorite shared activity. One day, Yuu gets separated from his group of friends and he ends up entering an alleyway where he meets Mika in a rather surprising way.

dreams are made of these by Bonnia

They knew this would happen — what it would mean for Mika to drink Yuu’s blood. Yuu had made the choice years ago, because Mika being alive was the only thing that mattered — damn everything else. But in all honesty, he hadn’t actually thought this far ahead.

(Or: Fifteen years later, Mika watches Yuu turn thirty-two.)

Broken Wings by XxFleetingEmbracexX

“They say an angel’s beauty is enough to drive any man to madness. It tangles that man in words of silk, knotting each delicate string with coy looks. Once they can no longer move, It consumes their souls. Leaving behind the empty husk for it to rot away.”

Suppressed Thoughts by bakuratrash

”Don’t forget, Mika. Demons are worse than vampires and in certain situations humans as well, far more efficient at preying on those weak of mind. They can read any emotion, any thought, any possible struggle and conflict deep within you, understand your deepest secrets, the ones too ugly for you to even acknowledge. And they can and will use them against you. Don’t meddle with demons. Don’t approach them.”

And Mikaela wished that he had listened to Krul’s words, he really did.

The Seraph by Anonymous_Dreamer

Yuu works for JIDA as a guard of a test subject for the Seraph of the End. He just didn’t thought he would end up falling for the boy.

Strangers’s Love by ssamandiriel

Shinoa sets Yuuichirou up on a blind date with a person that she insists is very sweet. Yuuichirou has a hard time buying it, but still goes along with Shinoa to the mall to shop for a new outfit for the date. While she’s away, Yuuichirou meets a very handsome stranger and can’t keep his mind off of him for the rest of the day.

Sympathy by Yamiga

AU. Growing up in an elite family, Yuu’s life wasn’t that exciting. Having things planned out for him, he sadly knew what to expect of his life from day one, and this most likely included an arranged marriage. However, one summer when he’s sent to stay with his cousin Guren, and his new fiancé Ferid, things change drastically. When Ferid’s younger brother, Mika, comes up suddenly after being stuck in an abusive family, Yuu agrees to help Ferid get Mika back. It was just supposed to be a favor, but Yuu can’t avoid falling for Mika, despite the fact that Mika is reluctant to trust him or anyone else at that.
Or….
Yuu helps Ferid get Mika from their old abusive family, but saving Mika leads to a lot more than Yuu figured.

Cage by PikaGirl260

Hybrids. Descendants of genetically modified humans who had their genes spliced with those belonging to various animals, giving them the qualities of a many different species, some rarer than others. They were supposed to become the superior race. They were meant to conquer the humans.

Instead, they became the hunted.

One such hybrid currently running for his life is Mika, a part-avian, part-lupus, who’s done nothing but fear humankind from the day he was born. However, this fear’s quickly forced to a halt when he’s captured by a hunter named Yuu Hyakuya, a boy with nothing but a single cabin in the middle of nowhere to his name. Unlike the majority of hunters, Yuu isn’t a mindless killer; what he’s a part of is something a little more civil.

Led by Guren Ichinose, Yuu, as well as a few others, are what people like to call tamers. They capture hybrids, teach them the ways of humanity, and then sell them to the highest bidder once their training is complete. For years, Yuu’s been a part of this system, and has never dared to voice the issues he has with these harsh, cruel ways.

Until he realises that he can’t face the idea of ever letting Mika go, no matter the price. Too bad it isn’t up to him.

MikaYuu Week by XxFleetingEmbracexX

My entries for MikayuusWeek hosted on Tumblr.

The Special Place by bakuratrash

The human pulled back just a bit, showing Mikaela a dazzling smile. Yuuichirou’s hands moved to cup the vampire’s face, cradling it in his gentle hold as his thumbs brushed away the silent tears flowing down his cheeks.

“…And stupid, of course you’re my family as well. No one could replace you. You’re… Well, how do I put it…? Mika is Mika. The other guys are like my second family.”

The blond let out a choked sound between a sob and laughter, holding onto the other teen tighter as Yuuichirou blushed lightly at his own words.

His special place was still there.

Find You by Yamiga

For months following the events of the war, Mika has been living in the human city with Yuu. However, living with Yuu doesn’t mean automatic happiness as both discover this soon enough. Things take a terrible turn one night when Mika voices his negative concerns about Yuu’s “family” . Words are exchanged which later result in Mika feeling as if he has no place in Yuu’s life. In turn, he attempts to make things easier for Yuu by running away.
Or
Yuu and Mika get in a fight that results in Mika leaving. Yuu of course, must fix his stupid mistake and get Mika back. Again.

Forty-Two Days by seredemia

Yuuichirou Amane is a vampire hunter—one of the best there is. He swears that he will destroy every single bloodsucker out there, showing no remorse, no mercy, and definitely no guilt when it comes to killing those monsters.

That is, until he meets Mikaela Shindou. Vampire. And a very, very beautiful one at that.

Entice the Eyes by blushinglily

Set in the modern world where no apocalypse took place, the Hyakuya orphanage is a normal establishment (albeit struggling financially), and the Hiiragi family are part of the 1% that makes up Japan’s upper-crust society.

In the midst of a weakening economy and skyrocketing costs of living in a high-end city like Tokyo, nobody wanted to adopt children nowadays or donate to a puny orphanage like theirs. Regardless, Mikaela was willing to do anything to help with the mounting pile of bills and keep his family off the streets…Yuuichirou just didn’t know how far he would go, until now.

a little death by XxFleetingEmbracexX

Yuu’s touch is all that can calm Mika’s hunger, if only briefly.

Pet Sitting by Channery

Yuu takes a job pet sitting…

The Conqueror Of My Body by blushinglily

When they were children, Yuuichirou vowed that he and Mika would kill every vampire in Sanguinem and make it a human paradise. Now, as the war commences between the vampires and humans in the city, Mikaela desperately searches for his best friend. Recalling the boy’s promise from four years ago, this was beyond anything the blond could have ever imagined.

In which a successful coup d'etat results in a demon-possessed Yuu finally taking his revenge against the vampires…with Mika as his sole witness.

Canon!verse / AU, Yuumika / Yuucifer x Mika, one-shot.

stray by XxFleetingEmbracexX

The one where Yuu picks up a stray cat that turns out to be much more than that.

Perfect, Just Like That by ssamandiriel

Amane Yuuichirou is a stock trader with a hobby of adult photography. A new client comes to his studio to get his photos taken for a new magazine spread featuring him, Shindo Mikaela, an up and coming porn star. The photo shoot starts on a high note, but when it gets to the part where Mikaela must undress, Yuuichirou just can’t hold himself back.

Road Trip by Yamiga

Mika’s first road trip with Yuu and his squad turns out better than expected.

Christmas Party by XxFleetingEmbracexX

“I’ve just one final thing to ask, if you don’t mind.” Mikaela said as they got ready to leave. They’d settled on a follow-up meeting with Sanguinem’s PR agents for the following week. Yet, Mikaela had to satisfy at least one of the questions hounding him.

“Why is it that you refused to speak with an agent?” Mikaela directed the question to both of them. He was surprised to see Yuichirou’s face catch a dull red color and Shinoa’s lips stretch into a smirk.

(Early) Presents Under the Tree by Yamiga

Who would’ve guessed their first kiss would have been under the Christmas tree?

Not Letting You Go by StarryJellyfish

Mikaela has been here for as long as he can rememeber. Though try as he must he honestly can’t remember exactly how he got into this tower or when.

Was he abandoned in the tower?

Was he stolen and forced into the tower for random by a witch of sorts or a theif?

Did his parents get into some dangerous business and kept him in here as a form of protection?

He doesn’t know, and, to be frank, he doesn’t want nor care to know. All he actually wants is to leave this place and gain a life of his own.

Marks and Touches by Yamiga

They happen to come every so often, whenever Yuu and Mika are at the heat of their passion. Sometimes the purple marks vanish before they are done, sometimes, they never come. But that night, as Mika is trapped in Yuu’s arms, he realizes that they haven’t quite vanished yet. Needless to say he is quite curious…

You Stole My Heart by Danganphobia

“Just call me Mika.” Mika mumbled, fidgeting and bouncing his legs a little. Just to get all the attention he received, glaring at Yuu who smirked at the snickering girls. Fucking… Criticizing… playboy. Mika grit his teeth. He hated men like that.

“Alright, Mika, moving on.” The whole around the circle thing continues. The guy next to Mika goes. And Mika was counting down the hour until this session was over. He’s got a bone to pick, and he wants to pick it with a certain raven-haired kleptomaniac right here and right now.

In which Mika and Yuu meet at a support group dealing with two very different problems, that includes each other.

Gentle Eyes by KittieAupa 

Mikaela has a nightmare. Yuuichirou comforts him and brings them closer.

Maybe it’s love that makes me human after all by KittieAupa

It’s raining and Yuuichirou can’t sleep.

In Which Mika is a Lost Boy in a Dress by sacheland

Mika really hates this weekend. Not only his Mama is gone for a week, his guardians also forced him to wear dresses. Now, he’s lost and he doesn’t know what to do.
Good thing is, he meets Yuu-chan and his parents.
Maybe that’s the best thing of this weekend.

Guess Hoe’s Coming to Dinner by YuuMika

Mikaela “Goût de Diamants” Hyakuya is an illustrious prostitute whose virginity was bought for half a billion dollars. Yuichiro Amane is living off his uncle’s fortune and never went to college. Meeting each other, Mika sees an opportunity to take a break from his life. Whereas Yuichiro fights to get his family and friends to see the good in him.

Don’t disturb this love of mine by strikedawn

The callused pad drags over Mika’s lip slowly, his humid skin sticking to it, following the movement, and Mika knows he’s lost the battle.

“Touch me.” He begs.

Fanservice by Taliana

Yuu didn’t expect to run into his favourite porn star in the park that day. He most definitely did not expect to be taken back to the cute twink’s apartment for one hell of a wild ride.

Birthday Boy by KittehBoesternchen

(Written for Yuu’s birthday, 16th of October!)

The squad drags Yuu out on his birthday to celebrate even though he would rather have stayed home with Mika. Mika has to prepare Yuu’s birthday surprise though - freeing him from his “cherry boy” status once and for all.

The Regular Please by 1AlexLaw7

Just read it.

Recovery by ssamandiriel

Amane Yuuichirou is his school’s top soccer player with several trophies to his name. But when he sprains his ankle during a game, everything goes downhill. He’s stuck using crutches, everyone refuses to look at him in the halls, and he has no one to carry his books or backpack for him. That is, until Shindo Mikaela enters the picture.

Laws of Attraction by Northernreign

After years of intense training, Mikaela Shindou is the first omega to finally be recognized and accepted into a beta-dominated law enforcement. To his surprise, he was placed within the newly established and Alpha Apprehension Bureau (AAB) where his omega abilities would excel exponentially. And that they did, for Mika was successful in capturing some of the most wanted alpha criminals with his irresistible charm for the past twelve months.

Too bad all of the experience he’d gained on the job wasn’t enough to prepare him for the situation he’s gotten himself into with a certain idiotic alpha apprehended for a recent string of violent murders.

Sinners by royaletea

A collection of drabbles where I dump all my nsfw one-shots with Mika as a bottom.
First drabble up: alpha!Yuu x omega!Mika

anonymous asked:

idk if vampires count as mythos?? but if they are can you tell us more about them?? maybe from a 'mythical' standpoint?? some stuff that isnt relevant to todays time?

Hey there! There’s a long and interesting history behind vampire myths, so I’m really glad that you asked this question. It’s a pretty big history so I’m going to give a pretty brief overview. Hopefully it’ll give you a good jumping off point for future research (and of course, feel free to come back to our ask box with any more questions).

Cultures all over the world have stories about creatures that are like Vampires. Human-like things that drain either blood or life-force are pretty common throughout history, but myths about what would evolve into the creatures of our modern Vampire stories started to crystallize in medieval Europe. While earlier myths tend to focus on demonic creatures, later ones begin to describe vampires as humans who have risen from the dead.  

The first historical record of a person accused of vampirism comes from Croatia in the early 1600s. Jure Grando was a villager who was said to have terrorized his village for 16 years following his death, until the eventual exhumation and decapitation of his corpse.

The accusation was a precursor to what would be called the “18th century Vampire Controversy”, a rash of vampire sightings and accusations in Eastern Europe. The accusation of real people with vampirism in some ways mirrors the accusations of witchcraft that happened around the same time. They also differ - vampire accusations were less common, and the accused were generally already dead. The vampire accusations died down by the late 1700s, but like the vampires themselves, the myth refused to stay dead, and in the 19th century a Vampire Panic swept across New England in tandem with a tuberculosis epidemic.

A satirical cartoon printed in The Boston Globe in 1896

The characteristics of vampires vary across times and places, but they are generally defined by their connection to death, and their practice of feeding on either the blood or life force of their victims. Much of the folklore focuses on ways of identifying the vampires and their victims.

 - Fedelm

The only two creatures I can really think of are the Chupacabra (meaning goat sucker) and the Chonchon. The Chupacabra is not at all humanoid and is more like a lizard creature. All I know of it comes from Puerto Rico in the 1990s where a chupacabra was blamed for the deaths of a lot of cattle. I’m sure there is more information on them, but that is unfortunately all I can say for sure. 

The Chonchon is very much like another creature mentioned by the chorus, which is how I remembered this little one. This one comes from the Mapuche. I don’t know as much about them, but they are humans who have died and their heads detach from their bodies, their ears grow large enough to be used as wings, they gain feathers and bird feet, and they fly around drinking blood. There are also some myths claiming that they Chonchon is not from a dead body but an evil priest who has learned how to do this and uses it to gain more power. Unfortunately, that is all I know about the Chonchon. 

Best wishes,

Ajk’in

There are also a lot of mythical beings with similarities to Vampires from various cultures. An incomplete list:

For vampiric creatures in East Asia, the Chinese jiangshi immediately comes to mind. It is an animated corpse that consumes people’s qi, or life force. There are multiple hows or whys for this: a jiangshi could be the result of resurrection by some type of priest/shaman/mystic; spirit possession; a soul that has failed to leave the body upon death; a corpse absorbing enough surrounding qi to animate itself. More contemporary imaginings allow for a jiangshi to ‘pass on’ its condition to others, such as through injury (similar to how one might be infected by a zombie bite). Their appearance can be perfectly unremarkable if the body is only recently deceased, or could be a rotting horror. Sometimes, their limbs are so stiff they can’t move them so they have to get around by hopping. Due to the conflation of the western vampire with eastern ideas of hungry ghosts, modern depictions of jiangshi also allow for the consumption of blood, introducing a more literal vampiric aspect to them.

There’s also the penanggalan which is a Southeast Asian witch that detaches her head which flies around at night to suck the blood of pregnant women and children. Thier entrails trail after them and must be soaked in vinegar afterward to shrink them down and fit them back in her body.

Iceland has its Draugr, revenants that wait in their graves to guard treasure left in burial mounds.

Strix, from Roman mythology is a bird that feeds of flesh and blood. The word is the root of the Romanian “strigoi”, the word for “vampire” in that language.  

Lilitu from ancient Assyria, is a precursor to Lilith from Jewish mythology.

There’s Lamia, from Greek mythology, a beautiful queen who becomes a child-eating demon.

I feel vampire-like is also a bit more ghoul-like with how we are talking about it (feasting on the dead, entrails, what have you vs. drinking human blood). Aswang would definitely fit the ghoulish profile. Yes, they are often beautiful women. But of note, they are often depicted as introverted or doesn’t sociallize with people as often (because it is important in the culture that you socialize with people often and if not, you are strange and weird).

I feel like the Aswang mentioned has mixings of the “Manananggal”— a common misconception since both of them appear in stories where babies or dead innards are eaten. But Manananggal is the one that detaches the upper half of its body from the lower half and flies off to eats babies with it’s long tongue (actually very similar to the Penanggalan except for the place of detachment. Even the root of both of those words come from “To detach”). To kill it, you must find the lower body and put spices into where the detachment was– because they must fuse back together before sun down or they will die and the spices make it painful to fuse back. That part of the myth is where it intersects with vampire lore because of the spices they put (garlic is commonly used as is salt), and  the come back before sun down. The Mananggal doesn’t die when it is whole and exposed to sun like the vampire because it masquerades as human– only when it can’t fuse back.

In comparison, the Aswang doesn’t split. But it is a shape shifter– commonly shape shifts into a large boar or a large dog (where it gets its name. kaWANGis ng ASo means ‘look like a dog’). The Aswang is a fascinating creature because it’s depiction varies per location it’s in.

In Panay, Capiz, the Aswang is depicted as that shape shifting creature and if you ask the local kids how the Aswang moves, it’s in a very… strange almost writhing manner (like how werewolves in movies transform). Mostly because there is a disorder where 95% of the people who have it have been found to originate in his Island– that’s X-linked Dystonia Parkinsonism, where the movements are twisting and “looks like they’re about to shapeshift because they are an Aswang” sort of thing. So people who have the disorder tend to be ostracised and labeled as “Aswang” very sadly ;w; don’t get the medical help they need.

In other places up north, the Aswang has a different manifestation– one more intricately linked to the concept of the Soul (which is big in Philippine Myth as a concept). An Aswang often eats dead innards, especially the liver. But it will, sometimes, feast on a living soul— this manifests as being more fatigued and being more sickly than usual. Sometimes, the Aswang will eat the whole person all together and you’re left with a “husk” of the person. Looks like the person. Talks like the person. But has very little life in them and the husk will “die” very soon (but the real person has been eaten already).

There are variations across the Philippine archipelago of the Manananggal and the Aswang like the Tik-tik and the Wak-wak (named after the sound of the Mananganggal’s wings). They’re mostly seen in the northern and middle islands– very few mentions in the south. So I guess if we’re talking about vampire-like creatures in the Philippines, it is very dependent on where the character is from.

Good luck on your writing!

 - The Chorus


You might like to check out this TED-Ed video on the origin of vampires:

19 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Turned 20

A list poem for working-class girls trying to grow up and into themselves.

1. It is okay to leave anyone and anything and anyplace that makes you feel like shit. It’s hard, but it’s okay. And fuck explaining anything to anyone, unless you want to. Let them fucking wonder.

2. Know who the fuck you are. Not just on some touchy-feely fuzzy pretty-on-the-inside tip, but knowing who you are – racially, culturally, in relationship to your sexuality, gender and your class – is a source of your power. You define that for you. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you who you are. This may change in time, as you grow and learn more. That’s okay. Manage any shame or guilt you may feel through acts of accountability.

3. Be accountable for what you do. This means owning up to how you fuck up, just as much as it means owning and defending the contested space you fill. You will fuck up, and only you can seek atonement for this. You will need to defend yourself, and rarely will anyone do that work for you. Acknowledging both your mistakes and your rights is equally important.

4. They will call you crazy. You are a woman. There is no way of going through the world in the moment we live in and not get called crazy by someone, often someone you wish would see you as deeply sane. You are not crazy. The world is fucking crazy. If you are affected by this imbalanced, unjust world, it only proves that you are a sentient being with some sense of empathy.

5. Empathy is built. You need to learn to really listen. This means listening without thinking about how it relates to you, or planning the next thing you are going to say. This means seeing everyone, regardless of who they are, as a human being. You cannot really be a human being unless you regard everyone as such, even your greatest nemeses and the gravest perpetrators. All of our damage comes from somewhere. Yours and everyone else’s. Learn to listen to others. Learn to listen to yourself. Empathy cannot exist without really, deeply listening first.

6. You are going to have moments of unbearable pain. It takes time to learn how to heal yourself. And healing sometimes still leaves scars. Healing is sometimes incomplete. Think of your scars as battle wounds – evidence of how much wiser you are now – maps of where not to return. Cherish these scars and honor them. There will come times when they are the only reminder of where you have been, and how much you still need to grow.

7. You are going to have moments of unbearable loneliness. You need to learn how to love being with yourself, because ultimately, no one has the potential to love you like you can. It is beautiful to love and be loved, but these are just hints as to how to regard yourself. If you regard yourself highly, and learn to turn loneliness into soothing solitude, you will be capable of giving and receiving truly transformative love.

8. Find something that makes you feel like the world makes sense, even if you can’t justify it intellectually to yourself or anyone else. Personally, if I don’t rock a wall, get up, get laid, get down on a dance floor, read a good book, write a poem, listen to a mind-blowing record or have a soul-shaking, satisfying conversation at least once a week, the world doesn’t make sense to me and I am unmoored. If I don’t get these things for a month, I become a total, inconsolable, incomprehensible wreck. This wreck can easily snowball into all kinds of self-destruction. Find what works for you and be loyal to it as a loyalty to yourself.

9. The world you live in is sick. This sickness creeps into all of us, and in many it manifests as an inability to love oneself, let alone others. Some of those afflicted with a parasitic strain of this illness will latch onto you as a host. You may believe it is part of your nature to nurture and support endlessly. These people will eat your love whole, and you with it, and leave you as a husk. You can grow again from your husk, but it will be hard, and it takes time and the training of betrayal and heartbreak to learn to trust yourself enough to determine who is worthy of your trust. Do not let anyone ride you. Only walk with those who will walk side by side with you, as an equal.

10. Do not fuck with lovers that don’t prioritize your pleasure. That can look like a lot of different things, and you’re probably still figuring it out. Don’t put up with lovers that don’t give you room to explore, to express, and above all – if a lover is only focused on using you as a vessel to reach their plateau – be out. This doesn’t mean to ignore your partner’s pleasure, but rather to see yours as of equal worth.

11. You are not responsible for the actions of those who hated themselves so much that they hurt you on purpose.

12. Collectivism is a beautiful concept, and something worth constantly striving toward and building. Collectivism has radically changed and challenged unjust structures and institutions. But if you sacrifice your own survival for the benefit of the whole, you will find yourself wringing your hands and questioning the meaning of your life and doubting the worth of others in light of their unabashed self-interest. Find a balance.

13. Do not carry broken people who are not in the process of rebuilding themselves.
14. You are not your job. Your job is simply a paycheck, and you are probably not compensated what you are worth and it is not your fucking fault – you inherited a broken economic system, and you will not be the first generation to fight for your right to live. But you need to fucking fight for your right to live, in solidarity, with those around you who are also struggling.

15. Going to college is an accomplishment. It does not, however, make you better than anyone else. It doesn’t make you essentially more intelligent. You never really make it “out” of the class you came from, and you never really make it “in” to the class you aspired to.

16. If you cannot translate what you have learned from whatever access you’ve had back to wherever you came from, then you have not gained anything – you have changed. Assimilation is a choice. Seek to be a translator. Seek to share your access to those who you may have left behind. Seek to disrupt the structures that taught those of us who gained more access that we are worth more than where we left, and less than what we found ourselves among.

17. Never take validation too deeply to heart. This is especially true of those who came up entrenched in the age of social media. The gaze of hegemony is always on us. Find validation in the ratio between how positively you impact yourself and others versus how you fuck up and hurt others. You will hurt others. Be accountable for this, when you need to be, and always be mindful of how often that happens in relation to those you help grow. None of us can be saints, but we can be salient and sentient.

18. Take your struggle to your community, and find community in those whose struggles intersect. It is only within one another that we will make any sense of this destroyed world and it’s corrupt ideology that we’ve inherited. Fight. Fight. Fight.

19. You are inherently valuable. You have worth. Ask no one for permission for this.

- Mensen

Another Night

I was immediately inspired by this prompt from Amber M.M on AO3:  “ may i rec Cherry and Nick just chilling/being romantic one night, when nick suddenly realizes "i’m going to outlive them" or something like that?”

This is the longest or second-longest fic I’ve written yet for this fandom, and it was actually very easy to write, so I’m really really happy with how this turned out, and I hope everyone who reads it agrees!

Just a warning, very brief mention of suicide near the end.

*

Keep reading

FIC: Recalculating

Pairing: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Tags: Aimless Fluff, Pining, Pre-Relationship but Feelings Incoming
Word Count: 2400
Summary:  She feels horrible and lost and alone, and the first person from her old life who didn’t turn her away or give her the runaround is Garrus, so she’s latched onto him like…like a puppy who’s been abandoned too many times and finally gets a nice dinner, or something. Nothing more to it than that depressing analogy. Also on AO3. A direct follow-up to Misfire.


Shepard wakes up without a hangover—Garrus, with his lack of excessive cybernetics, is probably not so lucky—and has a whole new set of problems to deal with.

She still feels the weight of his hand on her shoulder, the texture of his skin discernable around the strap of her tank top. It completely fizzled her train of thought, stopping one existential crisis and starting another, one that she’s been pushing down with a rising panic for the last few weeks. Now, though, it appears to have gained enough momentum that she can’t stop it.

She presses her hand to that spot on her shoulder, the heel of her palm digging in just above her collarbone. Her heartbeat climbs, audible, frantic.

At least she can take some comfort in knowing that Cerberus did not put this in her head. She knows two things for sure about Cerberus; the first is that they hate aliens, and the second is that they have no sense of humor. No, this one’s all on her.

Keep reading

when to listen to each track on 1989

  • WHEN: an hour before dinner, when you have plans to go out after. listen while applying lipstick, while elongating your eyelashes, while raising one foot and then the other in front of the mirror trying to pick a pair of boots. i don’t know how people who don’t do these things get dressed when they’re trying to keep their energy up and avoid texting their friends or dates or long-term boy/girl friends to be like, “jUST KIDDING I JUST REALIZED I HAVE THE FLU,” and climbing back into their beds to burrito up and watch 16 hours of netflix, but whatever it is, listen to this song while doing that.

  • WHY: welcome to new york is not a ~lyrics heavy~ jam. WELCOME TO NEW YORK is the kind of thing you shout out a taxi window in a movie, your hair fluttering behind you in the breeze because your future!!!! is so bright!!!! you don’t even know yet how subway cars smell, or that walking in high heels over grates is like an episode of american ninja warrior, or that grocery stores charge you $17.50 for a single bottle of diet coke, or that there are places that are STILL CASH ONLY. you don’t know these things yet, so you’re still hyped to Go Out And Live Like You’re Dying because maybe you’re one of those people who likes parties (???) or maybe you just… haven’t yet been told about netflix.

  • WHEN: just after your first morning coffee, at your desk when you’ve just realized that you’re 23 and maybe don't love your job, maybe aren't quite sure what you want to do with your life but HAVE come to the realization that running off to europe to “discover yourself and the world” isn’t really….a viable…. financial option, right now or probably ever, maybe when you’re 35, people are okay financially by 35 right??? haha? taylor? TAYLOR TELL ME THAT I WILL STOP FEELING LIKE I HAVE TO FIX MY LIPSTICK EVERY 15 SECONDS BY THE TIME I AM 35.

  • WHY: “blank space” is supposedly about how the media has depicted taylorswift as this empty husk of an overemotional man-eater, and while i am not saying that this is not a VALID reading of this song, taylor, THE AUTHOR IS DEAD, ETC., and this song is actually about how EVERYONE IS ALWAYS TRYING TO BE SOMETHING ALL THE GODDAMN TIME, and how you’re supposed to be one thing but you kind of feel like another, and you’re constantly being told that You Will Never Be Younger And More Alive Than You Are Right Now, which, what is THAT supposed to do for you???? REMEMBER remember r e m e m b e r that there is a little performativity in everything that you do, in everything that everybody does, life is fUNDAMENTALLY ABOUT PERFORMANCE ALWAYS and that doesn’t mean it’s never real or genuine or that it doesn’t mean anything but it is OKAY to get up and put on your war paint and feel stressed about whether the bus driver thinks you look like you have your life together. FAKE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE UNTIL IT COMES NATURALLY. 

  • WHEN: on your way home from whatever your friday/saturday night plans were when your head is pressed up against the car/bus/taxi/metro window and the city/country/suburb is blurring by and you're sad for some reason, you had such a good time but it was the kind of good time that makes you sad when it ends, when you go back to your apartment, when you’re getting ready for bed and turning out the lights and you’re like: well, i guess everything ends.

  • WHY: because everything ends, even when it happens again, even when it’s not an Ending with a Capital E, and sometimes the fact that it’s part of a loop is the thing that makes you lean your forehead against the window because you’ve realized that this is what life is, this is literally what life is, good times and bad times and good times again, and now you’re in your bed and the lights are out and you can hear planes overhead and you feel so small and so elated and so so so so tired, from dancing or laughing or walking or talking or waiting for the train, and not even upbeat hum of tswift promising we never go out of style can keep you awake, even though she’s right.

  • WHEN: driving home, stuck in traffic, windows rolled down even though it’s cold because you’ve been in the car for basically the WHOLE OF HUMAN HISTORY and the DOUCHEBAG IN THE HONDA just cut you off for nO reason because it’s not like you’re in the fast lane. THERE IS NO FAST LANE, DOUCHEBAG IN THE HONDA. 

  • WHY: you know like that relationship you had where one day you were looking at that person and you thought, “holy shit idk that i would exactly call this love because that’s–well haha that’s a big… that’s a big word LOL let’s not….let’s not–but you’re…. like, the way you just turned the knob on that door knocks me the FUCK out which is pretty stupid,” and then you panicked and ran away and stopped returning their calls or, for EXAMPLE, sent a facebook message that was like “GOSH I THINK I SHOULD GO BACK TO AMERICA NOW,” and then put them in a box labeled “please don’t open me ever!!!!!” and put that box on a shelf in the back of a closet you have locked up in your brain??? well out of the woods is for when you want to open that box and turn over a polaroid of that person making you laugh so hard that milk came out of your nose.

  • WHEN: when you’ve gotten home and you’re making dinner and you suddenly wonder about that person who, FOR EXAMPLE, once sent you a facebook message that said, “GOSH I THINK I SHOULD GO BACK TO AMERICA NOW,” even though two nights before they had looked at you with literal wonder in their eyes when you opened some random fucking door, and when you made them laugh they shook so hard that milk came out of their nose and they reached for your hand, holding it so tightly that their knuckles went white. 

  • WHY: there are people who hurt other people and there are people who are hurt and sometimes those people are the same people, because we CAN’T ALL HOLD BABY BIRDS IN OUR HANDS, ALL RIGHT, sometimes someone puts their little baby bird hearts in our hands and we panic and think, “i can put this down or i can accidentally crush it but one of those options gives this little dude a fighting chance,” even though it means abandoning a baby bird. if you were that baby bird than this song is for you because guess what guess what guess what: you fucking did it, you got left behind and learned to fly anyway and it TURNS OUT that you didn’t need them to stay, anyway. it TURNS OUT you’re better off with your wings unclipped.

  • WHEN: late afternoon when you are FLAGGING and you have EXAMS coming up or you’ve already used your lunch break but there are still SO MANY HOURS left of work and you’re like oH GOD SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE WHY CAN’T I MOVIE MONTAGE MY WAY THROUGH LIFE, so you go into the bathroom and lock the stall door and put your headphones in and jam. JAM.

  • WHY: look i’m not saying you don’t have real problems but i AM saying that SOME of those problems have a lot to do with getting stuck in your head and putting all your doubts and fears and anxieties on a loop and the best thing you can possible to for yourself is just LET IT GO, even if just for 3 minutes and 40 seconds, roughly.

  • WHEN: just after you hear that one of your friends, or that the celebrity crush you were using to avoid actual, achievable romantic options, or your older sibling who was always kind of a weirdo and who you used to use to make yourself feel better about your romantic/sex life even though you felt bad about it, suddenly gets a New Beau and can no longer hang out 24/7 eating chips and watching bob’s burgers with you on your couch.

  • WHY: sometimes you don’t realize that you’ve dug your heels in and refused to move until the world moves around you, and you’re like that person who’s going forward at regular speeds while everyone else double times around you, and you think: it has to be me, right? because steps forward bring you into new territory and new territory can hurt, growing pains are called pains for a reason, and it’s safer, sometimes, to look back and look back and look back and think well what if that had lasted? instead of turning around to think well what if this new thing fits better? BECAUSE what if?? it doesn’t????

  • WHEN: IN YOUR ROOM WITH THE VOLUME ALL THE WAY UP IN YOUR UNDERWEAR WHILE YOU IGNORE THE DESPERATE PLEAS OF YOUR NEIGHBORS TO PLEASE TURN IT DOWN

  • WHY: because FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY

  • WHEN: you’re getting ready for a blind date OR flicking through your messages on OKC OR tindering OR sitting at a café kind of idly hoping the cutie with the black coffee comes and talks to you OR idk, however else you kids try to find love in this crazy world.
     
  • WHY: LOOK, sometimes things just, sometimes they don’t. sometimes they just. don’t. and this song is like, “yeah girl, you look GREAT in that lipstick, yeah buddy you are kILLIN’ those dark-wash jeans and that button-up shirt, but JUST SO YOU KNOW sometimes you’re doing all those things and your date looks at you with STARS IN THEIR EYES but like, just so you’re prepared, IT’S OKAY TO FAIL SOMETIMES, because sometimes failure isn’t failure per se, it’s just … it’s like that time when you were little and you kept losing at scrabble and your dad was like, ‘the point of losing at scrabble now is that you’ll never ever ever forget how to spell ‘infinitesimal’ later,’ so get out the metaphorical romantic scrabble board and get ready to have your ass kicked. for love.“

  • WHEN: your morning commute.
  • WHY: go on, listen to this song and try not to like, see yourself as Mandy Moore in that music video about driving a VW bug and wearing various cute outfits in a diner. try not to see yourself as that scene in stupid crazy love where emma stone and ryan gosling try to do The Lift from dirty dancing. TRY NOT TO SEE YOURSELF AS BABY IN DIRTY DANCING. look, rom coms might TECHNICALLY just be dark magic used by hollywood to make us all kind of hate ourselves and our love lives but that DOESN’T MEAN that there aren’t moments in life that live up to them, okay, so just close your eyes and be like I’M IGNORING THE SAD PARTS OF THESE LYRICS AND ANY SECOND NOW, RYAN GOSLING IS GOING TO GENTLY REAR-END ME AND WHEN I GET OUT OF THE CAR HE’S GOING TO SAY, “HEY GIRL. SORRY ABOUT YOUR CAR. HOW CAN I MAKE IT UP TO YOU?”

  • WHEN: it has to be raining. listen to this song in the rain. listen to this song at noon on a saturday when you’re just like, not in the mood to do anything or talk to anyone and you just want to wrap yourself up in that faux-leopard throw blanket you have and listen to your saddest music all the way up and drink coffee and write and write and write and think about the things that hurt you and the things that didn’t, and how some of the things that didn’t hurt you then hurt you now, when you think about them, when you think about how precious they were, little baby birds you were holding in your hands.
  • WHY: it’s okay to be sad about things that made you happy. it’s okay to be sad about things that didn’t. it’s okay to be sad. it’s okay to be sad. it’s okay to be sad.

  • WHEN: while you’re making dinner and you’ve had a terrible day, or you had a great day and then you got in a fight with your mom on the drive home, or your day was kind of whatever but it was a whatever day on top of a whole deck of whatever days and you’re like: EVERYONE KEEPS TELLING ME THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS BUT THIS IS NOT. AS GOOD. AS IT GETS.
  • WHY: the world is STUPID, the world is EBOLA and INJUSTICE and INTERNET TROLLS and DOUCHEBAGS IN HONDAS and sometimes the only thing you can do is get mad about it and refUSE to accept it. refuse!!!!! you are going to carve out your own little world and your own little happiness, you’re going to love something, you’re going to hold a little joy to the sunlight if you have to fucking steal it with your bare hands. you will crawl through air vents, you will dig with your fingernails, you will jump through glass but you’ll find something and guard it and grow it and keep it somewhere safe, safe.

  • WHEN: in the shower.
  • WHY: the shower is a metaphor. it is also not a metaphor. get clean. try again. try again. try again.
I hear her laugh hidden in the bookshelves as I enter my favorite place. I immediately start peeking through rows of books trying to spot her hazel dashed hair. I see streaks of blonde and brunette here and there, but they’re not quite the right color. I hear it again, that heart warming, eye opening laugh that only few have. It’s so full of life, you can tell the person behind it is genuinely in love with the world. I can’t help but smile and I know her laugh came from the left, by the fiction section. My pace speeds up and so does my heartbeat. I round the corner and my eyes look upon the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. If you were here with me, you’d disagree, you’d call me crazy, and you’d be right because I’m crazy in love. It’s stupendous, I’m worn down, a husk of a human being. Nothing but a shell of what I once was and what I once could have been. Yet somehow, when I look at her, it all comes rushing into view. The potential I have, the hope for the future, the absolute beauty in living. When I look at her, no, when I gaze at her, none of my troubles matter and I’m at peace.
—  W.D.W
Raw Notes: My Bunked “Overthinking It” Video

Last year in September, back when the Trespasser DLC was fresh in our minds, I was fueled with crazy theories. In the back of my mind, I could not sort my brain out what I thought about Dragon Age, but I basically typed down everything I could to possibly make sense of it. Well…to no avail. That’s why I’m posting all of it.

For fun, let’s embarrass myself a bit and show how much chaotic thought goes through my head when I think of Dragon Age. Or used to. Good times.

For the curious, after the jump are my absolutely jumbled, incoherent thoughts for an “Overthinking It” video that never came to life, that would have been called “The Soul’s Blank Slate”.

Main Points that I would have addressed in this video

  • Souls never die unless they are joined by blood. Then, they’re subject to flesh.
  • Souls are memory wiped every time they died, and restored into borrowed bodies.
  • Souls follow the Conservation of Energy, where energy cannot be neither created nor destroyed, and a soul will simply transition from one form to another. However, the Void is the only thing that can disrupt and…void…that.
  • The magic of the Fade and beyond is boundless. Blood magic is finite. Once you depend on blood, it’s literally “magical castration”. However, while you’re alive, the power of blood is limitless and malleable. (Think Black Holes)
  • Time compression? (I never really said yes or no to this idea, but Shaper Valta and her situation is a stubborn thing to wrap your head around.)

(Note: This is a VERY LONG POST underneath. Also don’t do raw lyrium, folks. Tis bad for you.)


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NYC

I was bicycling along Sunset Blvd today, going from my apartment in Los Feliz to UCB Sunset when I suddenly missed New York City so deeply I had to pull over and stop for a moment.

I’ve been in LA for a year and a half and I love it. I wasn’t having regrets. It was just a surprise moment when the chemicals in my brain combined and I could suddenly remember very distinctly what it felt like to be walking along the avenue in Manhattan, feeling like the most interesting person in the world just for having the goddamn guts to live there. 

I lived in NYC for (gulp) 17 years and had several lifetimes while I was there. Most of my memories are attached to the UCB theatre, which I was involved with for the final 13 years. But oddly when I’m missing NYC my brain takes me back to the very first two years, when living there was such an exciting novelty that I would sometimes just run down the street as fast as I could, overcome with the reality that I had actually moved to New York.

My first job in NY was for a finance company in midtown. I had to be there by 6:30am, and I would take Microsoft Word documents containing financial predictions for the stock market, and I would have to format them as text documents which would accepted by then-new online financial news services. I was done by 3pm. All for a decent salary and generous benefits package. This job, although boring, made me feel safe enough to come to the city from rural New England and so I was grateful for it.

I’d get out of the subway at 6:15 am at the 50th street stop on the 1/9. The streets were still quiet at this time. You could smell all the coffee being brewed in the bagel carts, and sometimes see the newsstands opening up. I’d buy a coffee from the same guy and walk across 50th street. 

The only people up were either finance people in their suits and big thick coats OR service industry people going to work their shift cleaning/cooking etc. 

I’d see Letterman’s studio to 2 blocks up to my left, and Times Square 7 blocks down to my right. I knew where DC Comics’ and Mad Magazines’ offices were and I’d look up at them, too (they had Superman logos and thing in their windows). I also walked by Rolling Stone’s offices (2nd floor of a building on Sixth Avenue) and you could see guitars and magazine covers on the walls through their windows.

I was so excited just to know how to get around in the city. How the subway worked, where my restaurants were, where to buy clothes, etc. I was for REAL and everyone else in the world were COWARDS.

At my job, the finance jerks were jerks, which thrilled me in that they were fulfilling their stereotype. Lots of dumb dirty jokes, lots of impressively tailored suits. They were all crude (men and women) but they were also smart and capable which for me made them easy to work with. It was my first job that more than covered my rent and so I felt like the richest man in the world, even though I was the poorest guy in the building.

I’d sit at my desk and start editing the Word Docs. I had a “squawk box” which meant I could hear the morning meeting of the finance guys going over what they thought the market would do. I remember hearing the meeting the day after a big plane crash from a discount airlines Valu-Jet. The airlines guy was so mad because the company had been poised to really turn a big profit but this “one, OUTLIER of a STUPID accident” had thrown those plans into chaos.

Every time the Dow broke another 1000 points, there would be a champagne toast by the reception desk. 

One of the researchers was a brassy chick from Hoboken who’d tell me about the idiots she’d met in bars the past weekend. Another guy, the youngest researcher in the company, grew up on the Upper East Side, was obssesed with the Foo Fighters and would tell me about his family’s insanely opulent vacations. One of the temps was getting her doctorate in sociology and was dating an editor from The Nation and she invited me to their joint birthday party at which I met Lemony Snickett (whatever his real name is). A woman in my department was from China, and it turns out lived in my apartment building, splitting a room with her older sister. She told me a crazy story about how on her deathbed her Mandarin Chinese mom had given her a list of ethnic preferences from which to choose a husband. First: Mandarin Chinese. Second: NYC Jewish. Third: Cantonese Chinese. In last place was Vietnamese! She once surprised me at my apartment with some Chinese meal where some rice is wrapped up in what looks like corn husks, and I feel like she was flirting with me but I was at least a personality change and a half from being bold enough to do anything about that.

I got out in time to do an open mike at FOUR O CLOCK PM up near Columbia University. I started taking an improv class at Chicago City Limits because a guy on the Real Estate Trust desks had let slip that he took one. I was funnier than HIM, I knew, so that emboldened me.

I subscribed to the New York Times. I dropped off my clothes to be washed and they got delivered to my door.  I fell in love ten times a day with people I’d see on the street for five seconds. I saw Allen Ginsburg do Buddhist chants in Central Park. I saw Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon do a (ridiculous) concert. I went to CBGBs and saw insane bands including Hellvis and Fly Ashtray. I bought the final issue of the initial run of Love and Rockets Comics at St. Marks Bookstore. I attended a taping of a They Might Be Giants live album in my first month there. I walked by Woody Allen directing a scene.  I passed Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson going into the Union Square movie theatre. I visited Jack Kirby’s birthplace, as well as Spider-Man’s. One Saturday morning, I walked the entire length of Broadway from 218th street down to Battery Park. I saw the Red Sox when they came to Yankee Stadium. I met a cool journalist from Columbia who looked as hot as Jodie Foster and had gotten a 4.0 from UC-Berkeley and we dated a few years. I went running in Riverside Park – from Grant’s Tomb all the way down to the statue of Eleanor Roosevelt. I read the Village Voice and the NY Press and I’d scour the comedy listings to see what was good. I got stand-by tickets and saw a taping of SNL (Teri Hatcher hosting, Dave Matthews Band musical guest). I saw Dave Chapelle and Ray Romano do a show at the Comedy Cellar. I was watching a show at Gotham Comedy Club when David Brenner dropped in and did a set. I saw the U-C-fucking-B before they had a theatre.

Everyone wants that comparison: New York vs LA? Which do you like better? I was asked that when I had lived here in Los Angeles for three days! We humans, we do love to rate and list and compare.

The real answer is that it doesn’t matter, that it’s comparing apples and oranges. NYC is ten million people and is probably the oldest Real City in American. LA has four million, perfect weather and was founded ten years ago. They’re on different scales. Your life is more about your internal mindset, and whether or not you have 3 or 4 closest friends to connect with.

I don’t regret leaving NY at all! I’m so happy here it’s crazy. But it still hits me hard now and then, how cool it was.

Fractured Fairytale

@madasakuweek

They were of a poor people, but when Sakura stood in the clearing at the center of the ring of stone megaliths she was dressed in more finery than she had ever seen in her life. Her beauty had cost her this; the last spring born virgin was a thing no mother wanted for their daughters to be. At her ankles on the stone alter a white lamb bled out, staining her naked toes red. Soon that too would be her fate. They had tied a cord of woven gold to her ankle and knotted it to the hind leg of the slaughtered lamb.

‘We are a pair of scapegoats,’ she thought, shutting her eyes and trying to breath without taking in the forest’s air. It was different from anything she had breathed before, and she knew why. This was the world of the thing the old gods scorned. This was something the children called the forbidden forest and the adults called it The Maw.

In her mind’s eye, she replayed the memories that refused to be ignored any longer. Scenes and flashes of conversation screamed inside her mind, demanding attention. One was more overpowering than the others and laid claim to her attention.

‘They think you are going to die this spring, this is why they mourn,’ Baba said. “Being fed to a monster, they think.”

Outside on the shortest day of the year, the last solstice before the Spring Equinox, a community dressed in black and made sure every door in town was adorned with holly and mistletoe. Sakura couldn’t remember when the tradition had been joyful instead of solemn, even though feasting and games were also part of the tradition.  

“I’m not going to die though, am I?” Sakura asked, already knowing she was different. All the other spring born girls who had been sacrificed had lived their life as they pleased as long as they remained maidens for the Bone Husk King to feast on come the Spring Equinox. Sakura, however, had been spirited away to live in isolation, tutored separately and raised with great care by a small army of nursemaids and elder women.  

“Not if you’re smart about it. You’ve got a better chance than the others.” Baba looked down thoughtful at the pipe she held in one hand and the dried grasses she clutched in the other. A moment later she shook the thought free and stuffed her pipe. “You’re going to marry him instead.”

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