because you know thats just how life is sometimes

Typed transcripts of Eric's Entire journal: 4-10-98 to 4-3-99

I hate the fucking world, to many god damn fuckers it in. to many thoughts about societies all wrapped up together in this place called AMERICA. everyone has their own god damn opinions on every damn thing and you may be saying “well what makes you so different?”. because I have something only me and V have, SELF AWARENESS, Call it exortenstiolism or whatever the fuck u want. we know what are to this world and what everyone else is. we learn more than what caused the civil war and how to simplify quadratics in school. we have been watching you people. we know what you think and how you act, all talk and no actions. people who are said to be brave or couragous are usually just STUPID then they say later that they did it on purpose cause they are brave when they did on fucking accident. GOD everything is so corrupt and so filled with opinions little and points of view and peoples’ own little agendas and shedules. this isnt a world anymore, its H.O.E. and [no]one knows it. self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know I will die soon, so will you and everyone else. maybe will we be lucky and a comet will smash us back to day 1. people say it is immoral to follow others, they say be a leader. well here is a fuckin news flash for you stupid shits, everyone is a follower! everyone who says they arent a follower and then dresses diff. or acts diff. … They got that from something they saw on TV or in film or in life. no originality, how many JO MAMMA jokes are there and how many do u think are original and not copied. KEINE. Its a fucking filthy place we live in. all these standards and laws and Great Expectations (webb) are making people into robots even though they might “think” they arent and try to deny it. no matter how hard they try to NOT copy someone I still AM! except for this fucking piece of paper right here, and B.T.W spelling is stupid unless I say. I say spell it how it sounds, it’s the fuckin easiest way. hey try this sometime, when someone tells you something, ask “why?” eventually they will be stumped and cant answer anymore. thats because they only know what they need to know in society and school, not real life science. they will end up saying words to this “because! Just shut up!” people that only know stupid facts that arent important should be shot, what fucking use are they. NATURAL SELECTION. KILL all retards, people w/ brain fuck ups, drug adics, people cant figure out to use a fucking lighter. GEEEAWD! people spend millions of dollars on saving the lives of retards, and why. I don’t buy that shit like “oh hes my son though!” so the fuck what, he aint normal, kill him, put him out his misery. he is only a waste of time and money, then people say “But he is worth the time, he is human too” no he isnt, if he was then he would swalow a bullet cause he would realize what a fucking waste and burden he was. – 4/10/98


as I said before, self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know what all you fuckers are thinking and what to do to piss you off and make you feel bad. I always try to be different, but I always end up copying someone else. I try to be a mixture of different things and styles but when I step out of myself I end up looking like others or others THINK I am copying. One big fucking problem Is people telling me what to fuckin do, think, say, act, and everything else. Ill do what you say IF I feel like it. But people (I.E. parents, cops, God, teachers) telling me what to [arrow points to do, think, say, act, and everything else] just makes me not want to fucking do it! thats why my fucking name is REB!!! no one is worthy of shit unless I say they are, I feel like GOD and I wish I was, having everyone being OFFICIALLY lower than me. I already know that I am higher than almost anymore in the fucking welt in terms of universal Intelligence and where we stand in the universe compared to the rest of the UNIV. and if you think I dont know what Im talking about then you can just “ßUCK DICH” and saugen mein Hund! Isnt america supposed to be the land of the free? how come, If im free, I cant deprive a stupid fucking dumbshit from his possessions If he leaves then sitting in the front seat of his fucking van out in plain sight and in the middle fucking nowhere on a Fri fucking day night. NATURAL SELECTION. fucker should be shot. same thing with all those rich snotty toadies at my school. fuckers think they are higher than me and everyone else with all their $ just because they were born into it? Ich denk NEIN. BTW, “sorry” is just a word. it doesnt mean SHIT to me. everyone should be put to a test. an ULTIMATE DOOM test, see who can survive in an environtment using only smarts and military skills. put them in a doom world. no authority, no refuge, no BS copout excuses. If you cant figure out the area of a triangle or what “cation” means, you die! if you cant take down a demon w/ a chainsaw or kill a hell prince w/ a shotgun, you die! fucking snotty rich fuckheads [Censored by J.C.Sheriff Office] who rely on others or on sympathy or $ to get them through life should be put to this challenge. plus it would get rid of all the fat, retarded, crippled, stupid, dumb, ignorant, worthless people of this world. no one is worthy of this planet only me and who ever I choose. there is just no respect for anything higher than your fucking boss or parent. everyone should be shot out into space and only the people I saw should be left behind. 4/12/98


ever wonder why we go to school? besides getting a so called education. its not to obvious to most of you stupid fucks but for these who think a little more and deeper you should realize it. its societies way of turning all the young people into good little robots and factory workers thats why we sit in desks in rows and go by bell schedules, to get prepared for the real world cause “thats what its like”. well god damit no it isnt! one thing that seperates us from other animals is the fact that we can carry on actual thoughts. so why don’t we? people go on day by day. rutine shit. why cant we learn in school how we want to. why cant we sit on desks and on shelves and put our feet up and relax while we learn? cause thats not what the “real world is like” well hey fuckheads, there is no such thing as an actual “real world”. its just another word like justice, sorry, pity, religion, faith, luck and so on. we are humans. if we dont like something we have the fucking ability to change! but we dont, atleast U dont. I would. U just whine/bitch thoughtout life but never do a goddamn thing to change anything. “man can eat, drink, fuck, and hunt and anything else he does is madness” - Based on Lem’s quote. boy oh fuckin boy is that true. when I go NBK, and people say things like, “oh it was so tragic,” or “oh he is crazy!” or “It was bloody!” I think, so the fuck what, you think thats a bad thing? just because your mommy and daddy told you blood and violence is bad, you think its a fucking law of nature? wrong, only science and math are true, everything, and I mean everyfuckingthing else is man made. my doctor wants to put me on medication to stop thinking about so many things and to stop getting angry. well, I think that anyone doesnt like me is just bullshitting themselves. try it sometime if you think you are worthy, which you probly will you little shits, drop all your beliefs and views and ideas that have been burned into your head and try to think about why your here. but I bet most of you fuckers cant even think that deep, so that is why you must die. how dare you think that I and you are part of the same species when we are sooooooo different. you arent human you are a Robot. you dont take advantage of your capabilites given to you at birth. you just drop them and hop onto the boat and headdown the stream of life with all the other fuckers of your type. well god damit I wont be a part of it! I have thought to much, realized to much, found out to much, and I am to self aware to just stop what I am thinking and go back to society because what I do and think isnt “right” or “morally accepted” NO, NO, NO GOD FUCKING DAMIT NO!I will sooner die than betray my own thoughts. but before I leave this worthless place, I will kill who ever I deam unfit for anything at all. especially life. and i fyou pissed me off in the past, you will die if I see you. because you might be able to piss off others and have it eventually all blow over, but not me. I dont forget people who wronged me. like [Censored by J.C. Sheriff Office] he will never get a chance to read this because he will be dead by me before this is discovered – 4/21/98


The human race sucks. human nature is smuthered out by society, jobs, and work and school. instincts are deleted by laws. I see people say things that contradict themselves, or people that dont take any advantage to the gift of human life. they waste their minds on memorizing the stats of every college basketball player or how many words should be an a report when they should be using their brain on more important things. the human race isnt worth fighting for anymore. WWII was the last war worth fighting and was the last time human life and human brains did any good any made us proud. now, with the government having scandals and conspiracies all over the fucking place and lying to everyone all the time and with worthless pointless mindless discraceful TV shows on (scratched out) and with everyone ub-fucking-sessed with hollywood and beauty and fame and glamour and politics and anything famous, people just arent worth saving. Society may not realize what is happening but I have; you go to school, to get used to studying and learning how youre “supposed to” so that drains or filters out a little bit of human nature. but thats after your parents taught you whats right and wrong even though you may think differently, you still must to have more of your human nature blown out of your ass. society trys to make everyone act the same by burying all human nature and instincts. Thats what school, laws, jobs, and parents do If they realize it or not and them, the few who stick to their natural instincts are casted out as psychos or lunatics or strangers or just plain different. crazy, strange, weird, wild, these words are not bad or degrading.. if humans were let to live how we would naturaly it would be chaos and anarchy and the human race wouldnt probably last that long, but hey guess what, thats how its supposed to be!!!!! society and goverments are only created to have order and calmness, which is exactly the opposite of pure human nature. take away all your laws and morals and just see what you can do. if the goverment was one entity it would be thinking “hey, lets make some order here and calm these crazy fucks down so we can be constructive and fight other goverments in our own little so called self created "civilizied world” and get rid of all those damn insticts everyone has" well shit I’m to tired wright anymor tonight, so until next time, fuck you all – 5/6/98


It has been confirmed, after getting my yearboook and watching people like [censored] and [censored] the human race isn’t worth fighting for, only worth killing. give the Earth back to the animals, they deserve it infinitely more than we do. nothing means anything more, most quotes are worthless, especially the rearranged ones like “dont fight your enemies, make your enemies fight” you know, quotes that use the same phrase just rearranged, Dumbfuck shit [illegible] wear. its funny, people say “you shouldn’t be so different.” to me, and 1st I say fuck you dont tell me what I should and shouldn’t be and 2ND mother fuckers different is good, I dont want to be like you or anyone which is almost impossible this day w/ all the little shits trying to be “original-copycats”, I expect shits like you to criticize anyone who isnt one of your social words; “normal” or “civilized” - see tempest and Caliban. allyou degrading worthless shits. all caught up and brainwashed into the 90’s society. “what? you AREN’T going to college, are you are crazy!” holy SHIT that is one fucking BIG Quote that just proves my point. step back and look at yourself fuckers, I dare you, maybe I’ll get lucky and you’ll step back to far like Nick in Elm3. w/ the same concequence. – 5/9/98


wooh, different pen. HA! alright you pathetic fools listen up; I have figured it out. the human race strives for exellence in life and community always wanting to bring more =good= into the comm. and nulify =bad= things. anyone who thinks differently than the majority or the leaders is deamed “unusual” or weird or crazy. people want to be a part of something; a family, a service, a club, a union, a community, whatever. thats what humans want. who cares waht you as an individual thinks, you must do what you are told, whether it is jump of a bridge or drive on the right side of the road. protesters in the past protested because the human race that was dominant (Ghandi and the Brits or the king and the americans) wasnt working out = they had fault = they failed = their ideas didnt work. humans dont change that much, they only get better technology to do their work quicker/easier. people always say we shouldnt be racist. why not? Blacks ARE different, like it or not they are. they started on the bottom so why not keep em there. it took the centuries to convince us that they are equal but they still use their color as an excuse or they just discriminate us because we are white. Fuck you, we should ship yer black asses back to Afri-fucking-ca were you came from. we brought you here and we will take you back. America=White. Gays….well all gays, ALL gays, should be killed. mit keine fragen. lesbians are fun to watch if they are hot but still, its not human. its a fucking disease. you dont see bulls or roosters trying to fuck do you? no, I didn’t think so. women you will always be under men. its been seen throughout nature, males are almost always doing the dangerous shit while the women stay back. its your animal instincts, deal with it or commit suicide, just do it quick. thats all for now. – 5/20/98


If you recall your history the Nazis came up with a “final solution” to the Jewish problem… kill them all. well incase you havent figured it out yet, I say, “K I L L M A N K I N D” no one should survive. we all live in lies. people are saying they want to live in a perfect society, well utopia doesnt exist. It is human to have flaws. you know what, Fuck it. why should I have to explain myself to you survivors when half of the shit I say you shitheads wont understand and if you can then woopie fucking do. that just means you have something to say as my reason for killing. and the majority of the audience wont even understand my motives either! they’ll say “ah, hes crazy, hes insane, oh well, I wonder if the bulls won.” you see! it’s fucking worthless! all you fuckers should die! DIE! what the fuck is the point if onlu some people see what I am saying, there will always be ones who dont, ones that are to dumb or naive or ignorrant or just plain retarded. If I cant pound it into every single persons head then it is pointless. fuck mercy fuck justic fuck morals fuck civilized fuck rules fuck laws… DIE manmade words…people think they apply to everything when they dont/cant. theres no such thing as True Good or True Evil, its all relative to the observer. its just all nature, chemistry, and math. deal with it. but since dealing with it seems impossible for mankind, since we have to slap warning labels on nature, then… you die. burn, melt, evaporate, decay, just go the fuck away!!!! YAAAAAH!!!! - 6/12/98-

KEIN MITLEID

“when in doubt, confuse the hell out the enemy” - Fly 9/2/98

wait mercy doesnt exist….


heres something to chew on….: today I saw a program on the discovery channel about satelites and radar and aircraft and stuff, and at the end of the show the narrator said some things that made me think “damn, we are so advanced, we kick ass, america is awesome, we have so many things in our military, we would kick anyones ass.” for a minute I actually had some pride in our nation…. then I realized, “hey, this only the Good things that I am seeing here. only the Pros, not the cons. maybe thats what people see, only the Pros, and thats why they are under control. but me, I see all… you can only blind me for so long. but alas, I have realized that Yes, the human race is still indeed doomed. It just needs a few kick starts, like me, and hell, maybe even [censored]. If can whipe a few cities off the map, and even the fuckhead Holding the map, then great. hmm, just thinking if I want ALL humans dead or maybe just the quote-unquote "civilized, developed, and known-of” places on Earth. maybe leave little tribes of natives in the rain forest er something. hmm, I’ll think about that. eh. done for tonight -REB- 6/13/98


As part of the human race, and having the great pleasure of being blessed with a brain, I can think. Humans can do whatever they want. There are no laws of nature that prevent humans from making choices. maybe from actually DOING some of those choices, but not from making the choice. If a man choosses to speed while driving home one day, then it is his fault for whatever happens. If he crashes into a school bus full of kidies and they all burn to death, its his fault. Its only a tragedy if you think it is, and then its only a tragedy in your own mind. so you shouldn’t expect others to think that way also. it could also be a miracle for another person. maybe the bus stopped the car from plowing into a little old lady walking on the sidewalk. one could think it was a “miracle” that she wasnt hit. you see, anything and everything that happens in our world is just that, a HAPPENING. anything else is relative to the observer, but yet we try to have a “universal law” or “code” of what is good and bad and that just isnt fucking correct. we shouldn’t be allowed to do that. we arent GODS. just because we are at the top of the food chain with our technology doesnt mean we can be “judges” of nature. sure we can think what we can think what we want, but you can “think” and “believe” you can judge people and nature all you want, but you are still wrong! why should your morals apply to everyone else. “morale” is just another word. and thats it. I think we are all a waste of natural resources and should be killed off, and since humans have the ability to choose… and I’m human… I think I will choose to kill and damage as much as nature allows me to so take that. fuck you, and eat napalm + lead! HA! only Nature can stop me. I know I could get shot by a cop after only killing a single person, but hey guess the fuck WHAT! I chose to kill that one person so get over it! Its MY fault! not my parents, not my brothers, not my friends, not my favorite bands, not computer games, not the media. IT is MINE! go shut the fuck up!
-REB- 7/29/98


someones bound to say “what were they thinking?” when we go NBK or when we were planning it, so this what I am thinking. “I have a goal to destroy as much as possible so I must not be sidetracked by my feelings of sympathy, mercy, or any of that, so I will force myself to believe that everyone is just another monster from Doom like FH or FS or demons, so It’s either me or them. I have to turn off my feelings.” keep this is mind, I want to burn the world, I want to kill everyone except about 5 people, who I will name later, so If you are reading this you are lucky you escaped my rampage because I wanted to kill you. It will be very tricky getting all of our supplies, explosives, weaponry, ammo, and then hiding it all and then actually planting it all so we can achieve our goal. but if we get busted any time, we start killing then and there, just like Wilks from the AlIENS books, I aint going out without a fight.
Once I finally start my killing, keep this in mind, there are probably about 100 people max in the school alone who I dont want to die, the rest, MUST FUCKING DIE! If I didnt like you or if you pissed me off and lived through my attacks, consider yourself one lucky god damn NIGGER. Pity that a lot of the dead will be a waste in someways, like dead hot chicks who were still bitches, they could have been good fucks. oh well, too fucking bad. life isnt fair… not by a long fuckin shot when Im at the wheel, too. God I want to torch and level everything in this whole fucking area but Bombs of that size are hard to make, and plus I would need a fuckin fully loaded A-10 to get every store on wadsworth and all the buildings downtown. heh, Imagine THAT ya fuckers, picture half of denver on fire just from me and Vodka. napalm on sides of skyscrapers and car garages blowing up from exploded gas tanks…. oh man that would be beautiful. – 10/23/98


you know what, I feel like telling about lies. I lie a lot. almost constant. and to everybody, just to keep my own ass out of the water. and by the way (side note) I dont think I am doing this for attention, as some people may think. lets see, what are some big lies I have told; “yeah I stopped smoking,” “for doing it not for getting caught,” “no I’m havent been making more bombs,” “no I wouldn’t do that,” and of course, countless of other ones, and yeah I know that I hate liers and I am one myself, oh fucking well. Its ok If I am a hypocrite, but no one else. because I am higher then you people, no matter what you say if you disagree I would shoot you And I am one racist mother fucker too, fuck the niggers and spics and chinks, unless they are cool, but sometimes they are so fucking retarded they deserve to be ripped on. some people go through life begging to be shot. and white fucks are just the same. if I could nuke the world I would, because so far I hate you all. there are probly around 10 people I wouldnt want to die, but hey, who ever said life is fair should be shot like the others too. - 11/1/98


heh heh heh. I sure had fun this weekend. lets see, what really happened. before going to the Rock n Bowl we stopped by King Soopers and one and [censored] picked up some big ass stoges. we then went to the Rock n Bowl and I had a few cigarettes and one of brand new cigars. we then went back to [censored] house where her mom had previousely bought us all a fuck load of liquor. personally I had asked for Tequilla and Irish cream, Vodka got his vodka, and there was beer, whiskey, schnopps, puckers, scotch and of course, orange juice! so we had some fun there playing cards and making drinks. we eventually made it to bed at about 5AM. got up at 10, went to safeway got some donouts and then I took Vodka home. the bottle of Tequilla is almost full and is in car, right by my spare tire and right by the bottle of irish cream. heh heh. I’ll have to find a spot for those. and by the way, this nazi report is boosting my love of killing even more. like the early Nazi government, my brain is like a sponge, sucking up everything that sounds cool and leaving out all that is worthless, thats how Nazism was formed and thats how I will be too!
11/8/98


Fuck you Brady! all I want is a couple of guns, and thanks to your fucking bill I will probably not get any! come on, I’ll have a clean record and I only want for personal protection. Its not like I’m some person who would go on a shooting spree…. fuckers. Ill probably end up nuking everything and fucking robbing some gun collectors house. Fuck, thatll be be hard. oh well, just as long as I kill a lot of fucking people. Everyone is always making fun of me because of how I look, how fucking weak I am and shit, well I will get you all back: ultimate fucking revenge here. you people could have shown more respect, treated me better, asked for my knowledge or guidence more, treated me more like senior, and maybe I wouldn’t have been as ready to tear your fucking heads off. then again, I have always hated how I looked, I make fun of people who look like me, sometimes without even thinking sometimes just because I want to rip on myself. Thats where a lot of my hate grows from, the fact that I have practically no selfesteem, especially concerning girls and looks and such. therefore people make fun of me… constantly… therefore I get no respect and therefore I get fucking PISSED. as of this date I have enough explosives to kill about 100 people, and then if I get a couple bayonetts, swords, axes, whatever I’ll be able to kill at least 10 more. and that just isnt enough! GUNS! I need guns! Give me some fucking firearms!
11/12/98


HATE! I’m full of hate and I Love it. I HATE PEOPLE and they better fucking fear me if they know whats good for em. yes I hate and I guess I want others to know it, yes I’m racist and I don’t mind. Niggs and spics bring it on themselves, and another thing, I am very racist towards white trash p.o.s.s like [censored] and [censored] they deserve the hatred, otherwise I probly wouldnt hate them. Its a tragedy, the human nature of people will lead to their downfall. Peoples human nature will get them killed. whether by me or Vodka, Its happened before, and not just in school shootings like those pussy dumbasses over in Minnesota who squeeled. throughtout history, Its our fucking nature! I know how people are and why and I cant stand it! I love the nazis too… by the way, I fucking cant get enough of the swastika, the SS, and the iron cross. Hitler and his head boys fucked up a few times and it cost them the war, but I love their beliefs and who they were, what they did, and what they wanted. I know that form of gov couldn’t have lasted long once the human equation was brought in, but damnit it sure looked good. every form of gov leads to downfalls, everything will always fuck up or yeah something. its all DOOMed god damnit. this is beginning to make me get in a corner. I’m showing too much of myself, my views and thoughts, people might start to wonder, smart ones will get nosey and something might happen to fuck me over, I might need to put on one helluva mask here to fool you all some more. fuck fuck fuck it’ll be very fucking hard to hold out until April. If people would give me more compliments all of this might still be avoidable… but probably not. Whatever I do people make fun of me, and sometimes directly to my face. I’ll get revenge soon enough. fuckers shouldn’t have ripped on me so much huh! HA! then again its human nature to do what you did… so I guess I am also attacking the human race. I cant take it, Its not right… true… correct… perfect. I fucking hate the human equation. Nazism would be fucking great if it werent for individualism and our natural instinct to ask questions. you know what maybe I just need to get laid. maybe that’ll just change some shit around. thats another thing, I am a fucking dog. I have fantasies of just taking someone and fucking them hard and strong. someone like [censored] were I just pick her up, take her to my room, tear off her shirt and pants and just eat her out and fuck her hard. I love flesh… weisses fleisch! dein weisses fleisch emegt mich soo… Ich bin dech nur ein gigilo! I want to grab a few different girls in my gym class, take them into a room, pull their pants off and fuck them hard. I love flesh… the smooth legs, the large breasts, the innocent flawless body, the eyes, the hair; jet black, blond, white, brown. ahhh I just want to fuck! call it teenage hormones or call it a crazy fuckin racist rapist… BJ ist mir egal. I just want to be surrounded by the flesh of a woman, someone like [censored] who I wanted to just fuck like hell, she made me practically drool, when she wore those shorts to work.. instant hard on. I couldnt stop staring. and others like [censored] in my gym class, [censored] or whatever in my gym class, and others who I just want to overpower and engulf myself in them. mmmm I can taste the sweet flesh now… the salty sweat, the animalistic movement… Iccchhh… lieeebe…… fleisccchhhh. who can I trick into my room first? I can sweep someone off their feet, tell them what they want to hear, be all nice and sweet, and then “fuck em like an animal, feel them from the inside” as Reznor said. oh… thats something else… that one NIN video I saw, broken or closer or something, the where the guy is kidnapped and tortured like hell… actual hell. I want to do that too. I want to tear a throat out with my own teeth like a pop can. I want to gut someone with my hand, to tear a head off and rip out the heart and lungs from the neck, to stab someone in the gut, shove it up to the heart, and yank the fucking blade out of their rib cage! I want to grab some weak little freshman and just tear them apart like a fucking wolf. show them who is god. strangle them, squish their head, bite their temples into the skull, rip off their jaw. rip off their colar bones, break their arms in half and twist them around, the lovely sounds of bones cracking and flesh ripping, ahh… so much to do and so little chances. – 11/17/98

“weisses
fleisch”
- perfect
- song
- for
- me


Well folks, today was a very important day in the history of R. Today along with Vodka and someone else who I wont name, we went downtown and purchased the following; a double barrel 12ga. shotgun, a pump action 12ga. shotgun, a 9mm carbine, 250 9mm rounds, 15 12ga slugs, 40 shotgun shells, 2 switch blade knives, and total of 4 - 10 round clips for the carbine. we……. have…. GUNS! we fucking got em you sons of bitches! HA! HAHAHA! neener! Booga Booga. heh. its all over now. this capped it off, the point of no return. I have my carbine, shotgun, ammo and knife all in my trunk tonight and theyll there till tomorrow… after school you know its really a shame. I had a lot of fun at that gun show, I would have loved it if you were there dad. we would done some major bonding. would have been great. oh well. but, alas, I fucked up and told [censored] about my “flask”. that really disappoints me. [censored] I know you thought it was good for me… in the long run and all that shit, smart of you to give me a such big raise and then rat me out, you figure it was supposed to cancel each other? god damn flask, that just fucked me over big time. now you all will be on my ass even more than before about being on track. I’ll get around it though, If have to cheat and lie to everyone then thats fine. THIS is what I am motivated for, THIS is my goal. THIS is what I want to do with my life! you know whats weird, I dont feel like a punching through a door because of the flask deal, probly cause I am fucking armed now. I feel more confident, stronger, and more Godlike. I have confidence in my ability to dese(cei)ve people. hopefully Ill make it to April, but that might not happen. Ug, Its been a busy weekend, I need to sleep, I’ll continue tomorrow.
11/22/98


yesterday we fired our first actual firearms ever. 3 rounds from the carbine. taught that ground a thing or 2. I even had the 2 clips in my pocket while talking to vodkas dad about senior ditch day. God it felt great firing off that bad boy, and hopefully I’ll be able to get more than just 4 clips for it. I dubbed my shotgun “Arlene” after Arlene Sanders from the DOOM books. She always did love the shotgun. Vodka’s DB is looking very fucking awesome, all cut down to the proper lengths. this is a bitch trying to keep up on homework while working on my guns, bombs, and lying. by the way, I bought that flask in the mall and I had a friend fill it up w/ scotch whiskey, only had about 3 swigs in the 3 weeks I had it. plus monday I gave my T and IC to Vodka, just in case. I never really did like alcohol, just wasn’t my thing, but It felt good to just have around. that argument on the 22nd was a real bitch, but I think I should have won a fucking oscar. I even quoted a few movies, remember “what the hell am I gonna do now man?! what am I gonna do!?” thats good ole Hudson from aliens. Sounded good too. and hey goddamnit I would have been a fucking great marine, It would have given me a reason to do good. and I would never drink and drive, either. It will be weird when we actually go on the rampage. hopefully we will have plenty of clips and bombs. Im gonna still try and get my calico 9mm. just think, 100 rounds without reloading…. hell yeah!

We actually may have a chance to get some machine pistols thanks to the Brady bill. If we can save up about 200$ real quick and find someone who is 21+ we can go to the next gun show and find a private dealer and buy ourselves some bad-ass AB-10 machine pistols. Clips for those things can get really fucking big too.
12/3/98


Woohoo, I’ll never have to take a final again! feels good to be free. I just love Hobbes and Nietzche. Well tomorrow I’ll be ordering 9 more 10 round clips for my carbine. I’m gonna be so fucking loaded in about a month. the big things we need to figure now is the time bombs for the commons and how we will get them in and leave then there to go off, without any fucking Jews finding them. I wonder if anyone will write a book on me. sure is a ton of symbolism, double meanings, themes, appearance vs reality shit going on here. oh well, it better be fuckin good if it is writtin.
12/17/98


heh, get this. KMFDM’s new album is entitled “Adios” and it’s release date is in April. how fuckin appropriate, a subliminal final “Adios” tribute to Reb and Vodka. thanks KMFDM… I ripped the hell outa the system
12/20/98


jesus christ that was fucking close. fucking shitheads at the gun shop almost dropped the whole project. oh well, thank god I can BS so fucking well. I went and picked up those babies today, so now I got 13 of those niggers. WOOHAH. the stereo is very nice, but having no insurance payments to worry about so I could concentrate of BOMBS would have been better. oh well, I think I’ll have enough. now I just need to get Vodka another gun.
12/29/98


Months have passed. Its the first Friday night in the final month. much shit has happened. Vodka has a Tec 9, we test fired all of our babies, we have 6 time clocks ready, 39 crickets, 24 pipe bombs, and the napalm is under construction. Right now I’m trying to get fucked and trying to finish off these time bombs. NBK came quick. why the fuck cant I get any? I mean, I’m nice and considerate and all that shit, but nooooo. I think I try to hard. but I kinda need to considering NBK is closing in. The amount of dramatic irony and foreshadowing is fucking amazing. Everything I see and I hear I incorporate into NBK somehow. Either bombs, clocks, guns, napalm, killing people, any and everything finds some tie to it. feels like a Goddamn movie sometimes. I wanna try to put some mines and trip bombs around this town too maybe. Get a few extra flags on the scoreboard. I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And no don’t fucking say, “well thats your fault” because it isnt, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. no no no dont let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ohh fucking nooo.
4/3/99

anonymous asked:

may i request both of your crush headcanons (ex: how they act/treat their crush, would they pass notes, any specific things they do JUST for their crush, etc etc) for the hosts + haruhi? :oo i'm curious to see what you two think!

 awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah (GOMEN IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE WE POSTED ANYTHING SO HAVE THIS RLY LONG HEADCANON POST)


Tamaki:

  • Tamaki is dense as hell about his crush but you guys already knew that so at first he’s just putting the charms on you because he sees beauty in you just like he does with his clients
  • and he’ll just attempt to spend as much time with you as possible and call you sweet nicknames and his usual princely shit but then he suddenly starts to realise w h o a h i really like doing this kind of stuff around you
  • he ends up trying to rope you into the host cub family and gets you involved with all their shenanigans and you just end up being swept along with the tide like gdi tamaki
  • and then he starts getting JEALOUS whenever anyone else especially tHOSE SHADY TWINS gets a bit too close to be considered friendly and at first he just thinks ‘well they’re a part of our family, im just being protective’ but then Kyoya’s just like ‘nope. not doing this shit again. you like them. in a romantic sense not a family one gdi tamaki you want to be their boyfriend now stfu.
  • que sudden realisation on tamaki’s part
  • and he doesn’t really know how to act around you now so he just decides to up the charm (and gets really flustered at the same time and usually ends up embarrassing himself horribly by staring at you for too long when you’re walking together and careening into a pole or something).
  • *PRINCELYNESS INTENSIFIES*
  • put it this way; to him a moment when he doesn’t have your attention is a moment wasted
  • senpai wants to be noticed so badly
  • plz notice him and put him out of his misery

Haruhi:

  • dude. its Haruhi. she has no clue that she even likes you.
  • but its pretty clear to everyone else so there’s that
  • she just makes an effort to spend time with you and hang out and she’s just always there being nice and helpful and friendly and w o w be still my beating heart just look at that smile
  • she’s so unbelievably good to you like ‘you’re worried about an upcoming test??? we can study together at my house. i’ll cook dinner!’ 
  • ‘you need notes from that class you missed?? i’ll copy out mine for you.’ 
  • ‘you lost your phone?? i’ve got time lets spend the next three hours traipsing around the building calling it until we hear it.’
  • she pretty much sees you as one of her closest friends who she admires very much because you’re really great and talented and attractive in her eyes and she - wait what attractive??
  • ‘oh.’
  • ding dong you got it Haruhi.
  • and now she’s just a big flustered MESS around you at all possible times and trying her best not to show it because is this okay am i too close or not close enough do oh no have they twigged because im acting weird they can probably tell what if they dont feel the same way somebody please kill me god damn
  • eventually Kyoya figures it out of course and sometimes he makes very sly comments when you’re around, hinting that she likes you and Haruhi just has to kind of discreetly kick him like stfu kyoya u heinous space herpe
  • not to mention the way her head just SNAPS to a conversation whenever you’re mentioned and yeah we all knew it Haruhi you are just too cute for words.

Hikaru:

  • YOU MEAN AFTER HE GETS OVER HIS GIANT DENIAL BECAUSE SWEET MAMA THAT BOY IS DENSE WHEN IT COMES TO HIS OWN FEELINGS
  • yeah at first he’s gonna avoid you like the plague because what is happening to him why the hell is he reacting so strongly wtf all u did was pIC K UP A PenC IL G oD
  • okay so AFTER Haruhi, Kaoru and Honey smack sense into him and he comes to terms with it its great because he’s not competing against his brother or anyone else this time so yeah he just gOES FOR IT
  • Hikaru will legit resort to any means to get your attention/an excuse to hang out
  • any means
  • srsly he’s the kind of guy who’ll throw notes at your head in class just so that you both get detention or nick your wallet or something when youre not looking just so he can ‘find’ it for you later
  • ‘you’re failing that class?? WHAT A COINQUIDINK im failing too we should totes have a study date or something’
  • ‘oh dear i seem to have spilled my coffee all over you whoops SO sorry here take my shirt and lemme walk you to class’
  • he really does take off his shirt. this boy has no shame.
  • and whaaaaaaat??? rumours that you two are dating??? he totally didnt see this coming or hope those would spring up but hey you know thats not such a bad idea >;D
  • prepare for him to be super jealous all the time whenever you talk to other people like ‘whoah hey wtf hikaru i was in the middle of a conversation’ ‘no dont talk to them i swear on my life they were leering at your ass. im just looking out for you here, they’re probably a sexual deviant. bad news stay away.’
  • whatta dweeb

Kaoru:

  • he’s so nice what the hell Kaoru this level of selflessness is inhuman i stg
  • he just loves spending time with you and hanging out and doing things together this puppy is pretty much at your beck and call what a sweetie
  • of course that doesn’t mean you’re exempt from the light jokes and teasing that accompanies it
  • he’s basically at your side as much as he’s at his brothers (which means that you now have both of the twin’s attention well done prepare for hell and mischief)
  • but he pretty much makes himself your own personal superman like ‘wHOOPS you nearly tripped lucky i was there to catch you’ and ‘you’re off sick?? ill copy my notes for you. also what kind of soup do you like cause im coming over’
  • Kaoru is fun! He’s the kind of guy who’ll just text you like ‘are you busy?? not anymore there’s a carnival in town so get dressed, im waiting outside!’ and then he just drags you off and its loads of fun and youre just like ????? are u just being a fun friend or do u like me????
  • yeah thats another thing he’s so good of a friend that it becomes really hard for you to tell that if he actually has the dokis for you or if he’s just really friendly because he’s not FLIRTING with you like he does when he’s hosting and its confusing, but really he’s treating you differently and genuinely because he does actually like you and he wants you to stop treating him like just a friend AND ITS ALL VERY CONFUSING and absolutely perfect for a tense confession scene aww yeah aHEM we’ll totally write that if u guys request it
  • also prepare for Hikaru to get tired of waiting for his bro to make a move and attempt to be his wingman and he’s just dropping hints everywhere BUT NO ONE SEEMS TO BE CATCHING ON
  • Hikaru is 4378436% done with both of you. ‘omfg just kiss already you’ll make a lot of people happy’
  • the host club has started a betting pool on which one of you is gonna break and confess first lets just say Haruhi ends up with a LOT of moolah by the end of this charade

Kyoya:

  • the denial is strong in Kyoya ohhh boy
  • YOU THINK HIKARU’S BAD YOU CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO FATHOM THE SHEER AMOUNT OF DENIAL THAT IS HAPPENING HERE like he’s used to being charming and suave with his clients but this is different he actually has feelings for you???? huh??????? what is he supposed to do with those????
  • feelings are too much hassle goodbye
  • its likely that Kyoya would try to shove these feelings into a box in the corner of his mind and never ever ever think about you or how you make his heart do weird things or how nice you look when you laugh or how attractive your smile is and god fucking dammit
  • and even though he’s trying to suppress what he deems to just be a ‘distraction’ his soft spot for you still shows in ways he doesn’t realise until after he’s done it
  • ‘oh my god did i just offer them a discount what the hell is WRONG with me’
  • /i wont say im in love plays softly in the distance/
  • once he actually comes to terms with his feelings tho he starts PLANNING
  • if he’s going to do this whole ‘crush’ thing he’s gonna do it RIGHT gosh darn it.
  • he ends up using the host club to his advantage by making sure that they’re always serving your favourite food or doing a theme you like cause hey if it gets you there, he’s happy.
  • expect to run into him everywhere and every time you somehow get roped into getting lunch at really nice and expensive places with him and eventually its like ‘???? are we on a date Kyoya??’
  • ‘Well, duh.’
  • ‘oh. cool.’

Honey:

  • Honey KNOWS he’s cute and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t use it to his advantage here
  • he is affectionate as hell and he’s always around you or holding your hand or giving you hugs or sometimes when he gets really confident or ahead of himself he’ll plant big kisses on your cheeks and HE GETS AWAY WITH IT because everyones just like ‘awww thats Honey-senpai for ya’
  • tbh about half of your life is spent sitting at his table eating with him because how can you say no to a face like that
  • but here’s the kicker *drumroll*… he saves food for you
  • i know right
  • like if he knows you’re coming today he will find your favourite flavour bring it to his table and protect it with his life if he has to no one is allowed to touch the desserts he saves for you
  • its terrifying tbh
  • Mori totally knows about his big fat crush tho and most of his time is spent hovering over Honey’s shoulder whispering ‘tell them’
  • ‘IM WORKING ON IT TAKASHI’
  • he’s confident - maybe even overly so - in interacting with you as his crush, and later as your s/o,  but we think he’d actually be pretty nervous about the actual confession part 
  • like he’s super worried that you only see him as this little brother figure and he knows that you smiling at him in that way that makes his stomach flip when he does something cute doesn’t equal attraction and you guys are pretty much surrounded by these other hot people who people are falling all over and bless his soul youre perfect just the way you are Honey don’t ever change you can be cute and a boyfriend at the same time my darling

Mori:

  • bruh. Mori is so unbelievably chill about this.
  • in fact, he’s SO chill that it presents a problem because it’s almost impossible for anyone but Honey to figure out that he likes you at all.
  • THIS MAN IS TOO TALENTED AT HIDING HIS BLUSH.
  • the one big factor? He talks more when you’re around. you bring out his more talkative (and flirty) side because he really just wants to keep your attention.
  • and you’re like ???????????????????????? did big silent Mori just FLIRT with you???
  • hell yes he did and you better respond my friend
  • doki doki
  • while he really wants to hang out with you he’s sometimes not exactly not sure how to ask, and that’s where Honey comes into the picture
  • Honey will often drag you along to spend time with him and Takashi and then have some sort of ‘emergency’ thats causes him to abscond so you’re left with Mori and Mori has no qualms whatsoever about this
  • PS Honey is a matchmaking genius
  • He also likes having study dates with you because you guys get to spend time together without relying on conversation to keep it going (also because he gets to call it a date and it makes him feel all wibbly inside)
  • spoiler alert: Mori is actually adorkable when it comes to romance
  • when he finally does confess its gonna be romantic (and surprising) as hell aww yeah

- Admin Kits and Beckett

She is beautiful. She is sleeping there, probably mesmerized in a nonsense dream. I can hear the silent sound of her calmed breathing. She is surrounded by an invisible halo of happiness and peace that makes her look like a goddess. And I love her, I love the way she smiles when she sleeps like if all the happiness was represented in those narrow and soft lips. I love her big brown eyes that shine so bright that they could be stars and the way they look mine when she is talking about something she likes or when she is mad. They are like two big black moons that hypnotize you and you can not get tired of them. Now they are closed, and they are still beautiful, they are two black lines that irradiate so much beauty. She looks so fragile, but I know she is strong. She awakes my soul, she is little, I know but for me she is big, in fact she is my sun, my moon and all of my stars, she is the main reason why I’m here, she gives my life a sense and guess what? She is worth that and even more. She deserves everything and sometimes I get so frustrated because she deserves the whole milky way and I just can give her a hug. I know she will never know how much I need her and I think thats ok because when people know your weaknesses they can use them against you, so I like keeping things like this to myself. She is both chaos and disaster, darkness and light, passion and hate…I love her.
—  Dear sister…
2
  • Eric Harris + psychopathy

Many psychatrists have diagnosed Eric as a psychopath. According to Dr. Langman who claims that “to understand Columbine, we need to understand Eric Harris.” Indeed, as a psychopath Eric can be considered as the leader of the massacre. Even if Dylan plays a voluntary part, analysis showed that the aggressive behavior of Eric was the main motivation. Eric considered himself as a God filled by nihilism.

I hate the fucking world, to many god damn fuckers it in. to many thoughts about societies all wrapped up together in this place called AMERICA. everyone has their own god damn opinions on every damn thing and you may be saying “well what makes you so different?”. because I have something only me and V have, SELF AWARENESS, Call it exortenstiolism or whatever the fuck u want. we know what are to this world and what everyone else is. we learn more than what caused the civil war and how to simplify quadratics in school. we have been watching you people. we know what you think and how you act, all talk and no actions. people who are said to be brave or couragous are usually just STUPID then they say later that they did it on purpose cause they are brave when they did on fucking accident. GOD everything is so corrupt and so filled with opinions little and points of view and peoples’ own little agendas and shedules. this isnt a world anymore, its H.O.E. and [no]one knows it. self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know I will die soon, so will you and everyone else. maybe will we be lucky and a comet will smash us back to day 1. people say it is immoral to follow others, they say be a leader. well here is a fuckin news flash for you stupid shits, everyone is a follower! everyone who says they arent a follower and then dresses diff. or acts diff. … They got that from something they saw on TV or in film or in life. no originality, how many JO MAMMA jokes are there and how many do u think are original and not copied. KEINE. Its a fucking filthy place we live in. all these standards and laws and Great Expectations (webb) are making people into robots even though they might “think” they arent and try to deny it. no matter how hard they try to NOT copy someone I still AM! except for this fucking piece of paper right here, and B.T.W spelling is stupid unless I say. I say spell it how it sounds, it’s the fuckin easiest way. hey try this sometime, when someone tells you something, ask “why?” eventually they will be stumped and cant answer anymore. thats because they only know what they need to know in society and school, not real life science. they will end up saying words to this “because! Just shut up!” people that only know stupid facts that arent important should be shot, what fucking use are they. NATURAL SELECTION. KILL all retards, people w/ brain fuck ups, drug adics, people cant figure out to use a fucking lighter. GEEEAWD! people spend millions of dollars on saving the lives of retards, and why. I don’t buy that shit like “oh hes my son though!” so the fuck what, he aint normal, kill him, put him out his misery. he is only a waste of time and money, then people say “But he is worth the time, he is human too” no he isnt, if he was then he would swalow a bullet cause he would realize what a fucking waste and burden he was. – 4/10/98

To sum up, Eric was not an average boy. His psychopathy was embodied in his obsession with setting fires and making bombs just because it was fun, his  fascination with Hitler and natural selection, his sadistic fantasies of raping girls he knew and ripping a knife through a human body etc. The most speaking fact was the vandalization of Brooks Brown car. After writing a fake apology letter, he posted a homicidal threat on his website, and wrote about wanting to go to the boy’s home and spit on him and his family, urinate on them, and torture them before blowing up the house.

i’d made a mistake in the third image (just because i’m human calm down, don’t burn me at the stake). it’s corrected. thanks to @kipkinky to point it.

(Please, don’t even try to insult me or say something to me like “Dylan was no follower bitch”. This is psychology, not a columbiner love letter)

My take on how Riley realizes her feelings for Farkle.
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b></b> It takes place after GM Goodbye.<p/><b>Location:</b> The Matthew's Living Room.<p/><b></b> Riley's family and friends are having a party to celebrate the good news. Everyone is dancing. Riley sits on the bench at the kitchen table. She doesn't look happy. She stares at the ground. Morgan goes to her.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Riley, why aren't you celebrating?<p/><b>Riley:</b> (looks up to Morgan) I just don't feel like celebrating at the moment.<p/><b></b> Morgan sits next to her.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Do you want to talk about it?<p/><b>Riley:</b> I don't want to even think about it, let alone talk about it.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> If you change your mind, I'll be over there. You can always talk to me.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Thank you, aunt Morgan.<p/><b></b> Riley gives her a hug. Morgan walks back to the rest of the group. Riley walks to her room. Farkle stops dancing with Smackle and follows Riley.<p/><b>Location:</b> Riley's bedroom.<p/><b></b> Riley is sitting at the bay window. Tears are falling on her cheeks. Farkle walks in.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Riley, are you ok?<p/><b></b> Riley wipes her face.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Yeah.<p/><b></b> Farkle walks to the bay window and sits next to Riley.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Why are you crying?<p/><b>Riley:</b> I'm just emotional.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> It's more than that. I know you Riley. We don't lie to each other. You can talk to me about anything.<p/><b></b> Farkle puts his arm around her. She rests her head on his shoulder.<p/><b>Riley:</b> I know. But I need to figure it out on my own.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> I'm always here for you. Now and forever.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Thank, Farkle. Same goes for me. But I need some time to think about things alone.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Ok.<p/><b></b> They both stand up and hug each other.<p/><b>Riley:</b> I love you Farkle.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> And I love you.<p/><b></b> Farkle walks to the door. Riley sits down and stares at Farkle as he is leaving. Farkle looks back and smiles at Riley. Riley smiles back. Farkle leaves. Riley starts to have tears falling down. She hears a knock on her door. She wipes her face again.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Come in.<p/><b></b> Morgan walks in.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Farkle sent me to check on you. He's worried about you.<p/><b>Riley:</b> I told him I'm fine.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> But obviously you're not. I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong.<p/><b>Riley:</b> You're gonna think I'm a bad person.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> I would never think that about you. You don't have a bad bone in your body.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Well, I think I'm a bad person.<p/><b></b> Morgan hugs Riley.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Just tell me what's wrong.<p/><b>Riley:</b> I don't know where to start.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Just start talking.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Lately I've been confused alot. I've been confused for a while.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Confused about what?<p/><b>Riley:</b> My feelings for Lucas. My feelings for Farkle.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Ok.<p/><b>Riley:</b> When Lucas and I started to date, I was really happy. He's my first love. But it feels like something is missing. A spark or something. I can't explain it. I love him, I do. But there are times when I feel that he doesn't get me. In the past when I was going through things, he wouldn't even noticed or he'll be the last one to find out. I don't think he does it on purpose, but it hurts. Sometimes I feel we are better off as friends than a couple.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> How does Farkle fit in all of this?<p/><b></b> Riley starts walking back and forth.<p/><b>Riley:</b> That's what I'm confused about. Farkle has always been my best friend. He's always just been there. I knew him as the goofy kid who had a crush on me and Maya. He wanted to take over the world. He used to wear turtlenecks. I missed those turtlenecks. He promised me and Maya that he would love us equally. He kept his promise. But there are moments when I see him in a different way and it terrifies me.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Why does it terrify you?<p/><b>Riley:</b> Because I think I could be falling in love with him. I look back on all the memories that we have together and I don't know why I couldn't see it sooner. We have great talks. We can talk for hours. We read each other really well. He puts my happiness above his. We both can tell when the other is lying. Today is the perfect example. He knew I wasn't ok, when I told him I was. There are so many things I wished I seen sooner. If I knew how I felt sooner, I wouldn't be in this mess. I'm in a relationship with Lucas. Farkle's in a relationship with Smackle. I don't want to hurt Lucas or Smackle. Plus, Farkle doesn't feel the same way. I can't let anyone know. I have to keep it to myself.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Can't you tell Maya?<p/><b>Riley:</b> No. I was the one who started the whole triangle dilemma. If I told her about my feelings for Farkle, not only did I take Lucas from her, but also Farkle.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> That's not what happened and you know it. Maya's your best friend. She would understand that your feelings changed. Sometimes what you feel for one person can just change. It's nobody's fault. It just happens. It's how you handle it, that makes you the person you are.<p/><b>Riley:</b> But I'm supposed to stay with Lucas. He's my first love. My mom was my dad's first love and they're still together.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Riley, I love you but you're acting stupid.<p/><b>Riley:</b> What?<p/><b>Morgan:</b> You're not your parents. Just because they fell in love at a young age, and stay together for the majority of their life, doesn't mean you have to do the same. You are your own person. You had feelings for Lucas since you were 12. You can't expect to have the same exact feelings three years later. I'm not saying he's not the one for you, only you can decide that. But it doesn't have to be now. You're only 15.<p/><b>Riley:</b> What should I do?<p/><b>Morgan:</b> In my opinion, I think you should break up with him, if you have feelings for another guy. It's not fair to him, you or even Farkle if you stay with him. You need to be honest with Lucas.<p/><b>Riley:</b> What if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore?<p/><b>Morgan:</b> It might be awkward at first, but I think eventually you two will go back to being friends. Just think about what I said. It's not right to stay with him when you love Farkle. You're not a bad person. I love you.<p/><b>Riley:</b> I love you too.<p/><b></b> Morgan hugs Riley and leaves. Riley sits at the bay window. Lucas walks in.<p/><b>Lucas:</b> There you are.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Hi, Lucas.<p/><b>Lucas:</b> Are you ok?<p/><b>Riley:</b> I don't know. But we need to talk.<p/><b></b> The end.<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>
Today I realised not all love is true love
Not every relationship is all-consuming,
Not every kiss is life-altering
Sometimes love is simple
It just makes sense
Two people fit together
And that’s all it is
But it’s still love
And it’s just as important as anything else
—  (based around caroline/stefan)
how libra sees the signs
  • Aries: the epitome of a person that LIVES! you know what living MEANS?!?! LOOK AT THEM! the have restrictions like everybody else but they also have an almighty instinct that exists outside of every limit known to mankind. one that is not set up for survival but living.
  • Taurus: on the same chill level thus very comfortable. no drama, just relaxing, calm and good times. very caring and "motherly". they might be very frightening when they feel overburdenend or attacked but can be appeased quickly with the right words and assurances.
  • Gemini: like a cloud that's fully visible and omnipresent in your life at one point and then completely disappears all of a sudden. they're not always aware of the repercussions of their actions and get very sad when people allege that they were purposefully doing harm. basically they're just pretty butterflies that everybody loves. but sometimes they might cause a hurricane here and there only by flapping their little wings.
  • Cancer: really loveable gentle souls who you just cannot dislike no matter what they say or do because you will always know where their insecurities lie and how vulnerable they are. their core will always stay the same but the shell may vary in size and thickness.
  • Leo: they can make you realize that every second of self-loathing was childishly ridiculous and that no matter what's your problem, it can't keep you from being a glorious burst of fire.
  • Virgo: so obviously the most troubled in this world. full of good intentions but clumsy with their execution. they suppress a lot to keep order in their own and everybody else's life.
  • Libra: versed at expressing the most crucial part of their being through any possible medium. cover up a lot that they're insecure about and might become very outgoing and aggressive about that later on as a reflex to not wanting to feel shame anymore.
  • Scorpio: don't try to aggravate them. you'll lose and tremble. appreciate their noble and pure ambition to get to know you and uncover the secrets about yourself that not even you know. once they get to the deep core they'll lose all judgement and become unconditionally empathetic.
  • Saggitarius: not so much concerned with the complexity of things but with the present force of something. they are not pulled towards analyzing and categorizing but towards pioneering and experiencing. if the road has already been walked on they might as well go home again.
  • Capricorn: very ambitious and attracted by success and prestige. but not as a way to feel elitist but to feel able to exist. a life on the ground is poisonous and destructive for them. seeing them losing already achieved goals is one of the most heart-breaking things.
  • Aquarius: they don't play with you ever. even if they hurt you terribly. there is no malicious intent in what they do, only a will to breathe and live. and that will might demand taking away your air to breathe sometimes.
  • Pisces: they always have the security of an alternative place to resort to which is inaccessible to everyone they wish to exclude from it since they create that place themselves and with such impenetrable boundaries that they might be in the same room listening to you but be galaxies away from you with their mind.

anonymous asked:

no but Pablo talking to them about life sometimes and he mentions he has a son and suddenly they all perk up like "son I want a son I want to meet the son where is son" and Pablo is so confused but that's just how they act around children ((totally not because finnick has the urge to protect them LIKE HIS SITER OOPS))

OOC: AWWWWW LIKE THE EMPLOYEES ADORE PABLO’S SON, ESPECIALLY FORMER OLDER BROTHER FINNICK. BUT PABLO IS STILL LIKE “Hell naw don’t touch him I know what horrible things you do you fuckin play with dead corpses of former nightguards when you’re bored ain’t no way I’m letting you near him.”

A year in the life of... The Aftermath. (fix it fic)

Rory was awoken from a deep slumber by a frantic knocking sound at her door.. she looked over at her bedside table and the alarm clock telling her it was 4am, whoever this was was in for a very rude and frankly insulting awakening. she swung her legs down to the floor and padded sleepily to the door where the knocking fiend was.

Groggily she rubbed her eyes and pulled the door open ‘Logan?!’ she was very shocked to see the blonde was the culprit knocking on her door, ‘What are you doing here? I mean not that im not happy to see you but this is a huge surprise last time we talked it seemed kinda final and now you are standing here at 4am with no coffee or donuts to warrant the sleep interruption.. I think my feelings can be summed up by huh?’

Logan smiled slightly, sleepy Rory was always adorable, he ran his hands through his (already mussed up) hair, ‘Hi Ace. Mind if I come in? I umm have some big news and i wanted you to be the first to hear it.’ Rory took in Logans agitated ,but somehow still extremely handsome state, damn him, she moved aside he swept past her and stared at her, he seemed to be vibrating with energy he was burning a hole in Rory when he finally spoke

‘I’ve done it.’ Rory looked at Logan warily already feelimg the pull of the Huntzberger heir ‘Done what?’ Logan laughed, it sounded slighly manic but amazingly happy to Rorys ears. ‘I’ve left the bastard and his stupid company. Its done. I told him I was through with him, through with his fucking company and most importantly through with being his bitch.’

Rory sat down, shell shocked, 'WHAT?’ Logan laughed loudly 'I’m done Ace. It’s over I told him he could respect my decisions and let me have the life I want and deserve and be a goddamn dad for once in his sorry life or… he can walk away from me and I’ll walk away from him as his employee and as his son..’

Logan paused the emotion of the situation finally gettin to him ’ It won’t surprise you to hear he didnt choose me.’ Rory came out of the trance Logans words had put her in and pulled Logan into her arms, 'I’m so sorry Logan. I know hes never been that great of a dad but even I thought he was better than this… she held Logans face tenderly in her hands ’ YOU deserve better than this.’

Logan put his hands on top of Rorys. 'I know I do.. so do you. Thats sorta why I’m here…. He took a deep breath in gathering the courage to share everything hed kept inside for years.

'I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass, I thought if I never mentioned the proposal and the ultimatum we could just carry on like normal no strings.. but I dont want that, not with you, I want you just you, but if you cant give that to me I wont walk away this time.. I’m in. I swear I’m all in. I will stay in your life in whatever capacity you choose for me because… he paused eyes filling with emotion held in for 9 long years..

'I love you, Rory.. You Gimored me the moment we danced at Richard and Emilys wedding. That was the moment I knew we were something and when you kissed me I knew that you were it.. the one….. I love you Ace. I always have and I know now I always will and if you dont feel the same way then that ok because just being in your life is enough for me.’

Rory took a step back pure love filling her entire body at Logans declaration but anger soon followed 'What?! Are you serious? You have a fiancée Logan you cant just turn up at my house in the middle of the night and tell me you love me thats not fair! I mean of course I love you too I always have but life doesnt work out how we expect it to, sometimes life just flys up over you and does a gigantic crap on your head ’

Logan reached for Rory unable to hold in the amusement at her very Rory Gilmore rant 'A gigantic crap? is that Sylvia Plath or..?’ Rory glanced at Logan thoroughly not impressed 'What do you want me to say Logan? Sure lets try again maybe this time we won’t both totally suck at being adults!’

Logan smiled softly. ’ No I don’t want you to say that, not unless you mean it. Please understand me Rory when I say I am not here to give you an ultimatum. I know that was my mistake last time… Logan looked at Rory, total reverance in his eyes,

’ You are Rory Gilmore you dont need anyone certainly not a screw up like me you are completely amazing by yourself you astound me you make everything brighter. I just want a chance to be in your life in whatever way I can. I just needed you to know how I feel, how I’ve always felt. I owe you that. Plus I dont have a fiancée anymore. I’m done with that too, I mean that was a buisness deal and since I have no buisness anymore and I am no longer technically a Huntzberger I have no need for a sham of a marriage.’ Rory stared at Logan her face totally unreadable

'Don’t you think thats what you should have lead with?’ She had tears running down her face Logan couldn’t take it anymore he inched down to her height and softly kissed her lips cupping her face gently as if he was afraid she might shatter Rory brought her arms round his waist and held him tight as if any moment he might disappear and after what she was about to share she thought that was a real possiblity.

'Logan.. I have some news too, see I was getting this weird craving for apples and poptarts and coffee made me feel so sick and I kept crying at dog commercials I mean I always cry at dog commercials but like I was sobbing…. She stopped her tangent looking at Logans amused smirk and crinkled eyes she sealed it away in her mind to hold on to when a Logan shaped hole in her door was all that remained of the love of her life standing in front of her…

'OK deep breaths.. so anyway I went to see the doctor and he told me i was preg…’ she didnt get the words out before Logan lifted her up and swung her around then brought his mouth to hers for another sweet kiss… 'Logan!’ Rory tried again ’ Didnt you hear me im pregna…’ she was interrupted once again by Logan and his lips…

'Ok you need to let me get this out because this is going to change everything you just said to me you wont want to stick around when you realise i have a bun in the ov…. Logan kissed her again silencing her once more with his mouth.

'Ace!’ Dont you think me kissing you is a sign that im actually quite satisfied with this news no pro con list necessary?!’ Rory could feel the tears, this time they were happy ones.. the happiest she had ever cried, slowly sliding down her face. She allowed herself to hope that maybe this time things wouldn’t come crashing down maybe this time they would be happy,

'You mean you want this baby… our baby.’ Logan couldnt believe that after everything he had just said Rory still doubted his feelings for her he vowed if it took the rest of his life he would convince her he was there to stay..

'Rory there is nothing I want more than to be a good father to our baby and to be a family with you a proper family one like I never had and one that you deserve to have.’ With that he kissed her once more slowly and passionately as Rory began to try to lead Logan into her bedroom laughing as she kissed every visable bit of skin on his face and neck Logan pulled away slightly.. 'Rory I have a question… does Loreilei know about this?’ Rory nodded still a little preoccupied with Logan and now the buttons on his shirt. 'Ace a follow up question…. this time will you jump?’ Rory looked confused for a second before the words finally hit her and she smiled safe in the knowledge she was completely sure of this decision and had the perfect answer to a Logans question

'You jump I Jump Jack.’ and with that the happy couple shedded their clothing as they made their way to the bedroom giggling and smiling like thay hadnt in years They knew they had a lot to work through and a lot to discuss but hey.. marriage and a baby seemed like a great jumping off point.

thats all folks… its not great but its the best I could do… my gift is my fic and this ones for you Rogan/Sophie shippers! Sorry couldn’t resist… I’ll see myself out.

he comes home and finds you tucked in bed so he fast walks to your side of the bed and crawls over the blanket that is covering you and asks you “how was your day?” and youre like “what are you doing this is my side of the bed” jokingly but at the same time welcoming him to bed because you havent seen him all day right and then you go “do you wanna know one of the reasons why i still keep you in my life?” and then he just stares at you waiting for an answer so you go “all everyones asked me is "have you done this have you done that were you able to do this were you able to do that” but youre one of the few people who actually cares about my well being and asks me how my day was or how am i doing and thats just a really nice feeling sometimes ya know???“ and so he shakes his head that is resting on your neck and go "awe baby” and pausing before saying “imma go shower first but after that im gonna hug the fuck out of you until you get sick of my hugs” and so you instinctively go “guess youre gonna have to hug me forever then or at least until tomorrow morning” and then he goes “love you be right back” and kisses your cheek before leaving for the shower but even in the shower hes entertaining and singing songs and replacing lyrics with words “her” with your name and its cute awe

The best way I have found to get over someone:
Is to always remember most people (unless they’re immediate family) are temporary in life. They temporarily come into your life to provide you with good times and sometimes not so good times. They peal back a layer of yourself and that may feel raw and painful but you find out more about yourself and other people, for instance what you want to find in someone or what kind of friends you need in your life.
And then they leave, they have an impact but they were never meant to be forever they just came into your life to make you realise more about yourself.
Thats how I get over someone because if you know they’re temporary their absence can’t hurt you.
So let them go, and learn from the lessons they taught you.
—  homeistheocean: Words I sent to Indie
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“What the hell are you doing?” I whisper.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he starts, swallowing a breath heavily. “I need you in my life, Katniss. I’ve been going crazy since I left and I think it has everything to do with you. Thats why I act like a prick because you just drive me fucking insane in every way and I love it, Katniss. I love you so much that sometimes I don’t know how to handle it.”

He’s brought his hands up to my cheeks by this point, is holding them in his strong hands and bringing his forehead down to touch mine.

“I’m sorry for ruining the other night,” he whispers, and his eyes flutter closed. “That meant more to me - I can’t explain it. And when I read those messages, I felt like I was actually going to die.”

“Well, I don’t want that,” I whisper back and his eyes open with a playful expression before he releases a small chuckle.

“You didn’t let me explain. You never let me explain,” I say after a minute and his lips fall a little with a knowing nod.

“I’m sorry,” he says again and the genuineness I hear there is enough to help me breathe again.

“I should have told, so you didn’t find out that way,” I admit, though I’m not sure if I’m talking about the kiss or the texts. Referring to the latter, I add: “It just didn’t seem important, until last weekend. I didn’t think I ever stood a chance, until then.”

He leans in and presses his lips against mine, blowing warm breath through his nose over mine and curling his hands around my middle. I don’t pull away until a languid moment has passed.

“So, what does this mean?” He finally asks the question that’s been hanging in the air between us.

“I don’t know,” I say, twisting the drawstring that hangs off his sweatshirt before looking up at him through my eyelashes. “What does it mean?”

He swallows, unhooking his arms from mine before taking my hands into his and nervously lowering himself down onto one knee. My eyes widen as I glance around in the darkness and he clears his throat.

“Peeta…”

“Katniss,” he says, ignoring the urgency in my tone. “Would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?”

I breathe out a sigh of relief, my shoulders hunching forward as I clasp my heart and he burst into hysterical laughter.

“You idiot,” I chuckle, smacking his chest as he rises to his feet.

“What? The idea of marrying me again scares you that bad?”

“Shitless,” I tease and he gives me a coy smile, poking my side before pulling me into his arms. He rests his chin against my shoulder, tracing idle patterns on my back.

“So, is that a yes to the date, though?”

“Yeah,” I smile. “Guess it is.”

C'est La Vie ~ Amelia_Day (toastbabies)

“I simply love this family. How can anyone not love this family? I’ve never thought I would love fan fiction that much. But here I’m. I can fangirl over this for hours.” - loving-mellark

anonymous asked:

'Anna what do you know about true love?' that quote breaks my heart. Because when paired with Olaf's "love is putting someone else's needs before your own." Elsa truly loved Anna, she isolated herself because she thought it was protecting her. Anna- in the end- risked her life for Elsa, and I think that's when she realized the true meaning of love. I just think about that sometimes and I cry.

Don’t worry we can cry about it together! Elsa’s face when Anna says “More than you! All you know is how to shut people out!” kills me too. I mean just look at it:

Because everything Elsa has done her entire life was to keep Anna safe, and it killed her that she couldn’t tell Anna that.