because you ca

12.14 coda

Dean may have missed out on the fight, but he still feels like drinking when he finally gets back home. Ketch’s expensive bottle of bribery is still sitting on the war room table and his glass is still in his favorite spot, right where he left it.

“Oh, hello, sweetness. Daddy’s here,” Dean coos at it. He hums as he picks up the bottle - still heavy even after a couple of drinks. “Shhh. It’s just you and me now.”

Sam scoffs. “Really, Dean? You’re that easy?”

Dean rolls his eyes over his shoulder. “So?”

Sam doesn’t really want to start anything, he’s feeling too good. He lets Dean smuggle his booze away to his room like always and revels in the still-fresh feeling of adrenaline-fueled ass-kicking. Changing the world. Power in the palms of his hands. He’ll try not to let it go to his head, but he deserves to celebrate the win at least.

Dean, meanwhile, falls like a heavy weight against the back of his bedroom door. 

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~ SPN 12x15 coda ~

This is my voicemail. Make your voice…a mail.

Dean pursed his lips and pulled his phone away from his ear. Three missed calls…where was Cas? 

Usually, if he was not back home by this time – Dean tapped his screen. 10:47 pm – then he was at a hotel for the night. By now, Cas would have texted Dean to check in. To let him know that everything was all right. Maybe he was too tired to carry on an actual conversation. Maybe that’s why he sounded off on the phone earlier,

After a moment of staring at his phone, Dean opened it up and found the messages between himself and Cas. No reason he couldn’t text Cas first, right?

10:48 pm // Any more news about Dagon?

He stared at his screen until it went black. Sighing, Dean set his cell down on his nightstand and pulled off his flannel shirt, tossing it on the foot of his bed. He toed off his heavy boots and kicked them away before he tugged off his jeans. As he sat down, he glanced over at his phone.

Still no notification. Maybe Cas’ phone was dead?

Dean slipped under the covers and sat still for a second before reaching under and yanking off his socks. He threw them across the room and rested his arm behind his head. He stared at the ceiling for a long while, watching the shadows from the lamp creep over the popcorn ceiling.

His phone buzzed. Twice. 

Dean jolted up and rubbed his eyes with one hand and grabbed his cell with the other. His shoulders sagged as he rested his phone on his knee. It was only Crowley. If he actually wanted to talk to Dean, he would call him – several times in succession until Dean picked up, judging by past experiences. 

Dean unlocked his phone with a swipe of his thumb and his eyes fell to Cas’ contact picture. It was one that Dean took who know how many moths ago during a lull in a research session. In the picture, Cas was glaring over the top of Sam’s computer at Dean in response to his endless attempts to get his attention. 

“Hey, Cas,” he said, clearing his throat. He glanced up at his closed bedroom door before continuing. “I…I know it’s been a while since I’ve prayed. But that’s because you’ve been here. And, well…you’re gone now.”

He frowned, tapping his phone on his knee. Yes, Dean talked to him today – just hours ago, even – but something was wrong. Sam did not seem to notice, but Dean did. “I don’t know what to do,” he said, though not necessarily to Cas. 

“I need you here, man. You help me, you know? More than I’ll ever be able to say.” His eyes darted up to the ceiling and back down to the phone. “I’m over-reacting, huh?…You’re probably just tired.” Dean gave his phone a half-hearted smile, his eyes drooping in exhaustion. He really should try to sleep soon.

12:12 am, his phone read when he tapped the screen. He hesitated for only a second after unlocking it before he decided to call Cas again. Dean’s fingers tightened around his phone as he raised it to his ear. “Come on, buddy. Pick up.” 

His plea was answered by the trilly dial-tone, which rang three times before there was a soft click on the other end. Dean’s breath hitched in anticipation as Cas said, This is my voicemail. Make you – 

He hung up the phone and tossed it away. It bounced off the pillow next to him and onto the bed. Dean rubbed his hands over his face, sighing. “Where are you, Cas?”

Looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you:
Nathaniel

Looks like could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll:
Kentin

Looks like a cinnamon roll and actually is a cinnamon roll:
Lysander

Looks like could kill you and could actually kill you:
Castiel

Sinnamon roll:
Armin

Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets/The Most Sacred Oath

I’m guessing you can’t hear me squeal over your own squeals, but I’ll just keep at it a little longer, okay? Okay. 

Man, this episode read like very good fanfiction, and while I’m disappointed Dean never found out Cas used to be a woman (although, they did have a conversation about that, so Steve gets points anyway), everything else was plain amazing. I’m actually tempted to do a recap that’s just shouting words into the void, because, seriously, that would be enough, but - okay, let me watch that thing again and then I’ll write a proper meta.


Okay.

(Deep breath.)

So, let’s get one thing out of the way: we already know why this story works so damn well, but it’s worth saying it one more time, because this is what the whole episode was about.

A human and an angel: not meant to be.

Ishim said humans are dangerous to angels, and I agree with him: if angels want to understand humans, to truly become friends with them, to live among them - well - look at what’s that done to Cas. Caring about humans is, apparently, different than caring about another angel; it forces you to give up something deep inside yourself. You become - weaker, unhappy. Doubt-ridden. Trapped between two worlds, and fit for neither. And as for humans - if they truly wish to get closer to angels - to speak their language, to know enough about their magic and weapons to be able help them when they’re in trouble or hurt - that literally costs them their souls.

It’s a tragedy. It’s doomed.

But, of course, it’s not completely hopeless. What would be the point of writing a love story if you know from the start nothing can never happen at all? No - love can conquer all, and this episode dangled it in front of us - the angel who chose humanity, who tried to defend the person he loved from his own brothers, and the human who was fascinated with angels and knew enough about them to make it work.

(They had a daughter, sort of, and let’s cry about that for the rest of eternity, because can you see it? Dean loves kids, and -)

Anyway. We’ve known for a while that angels - I mean, the price Cas paid for his loyalty to the Winchesters (his love for Dean) - that’s harrowing. But this idea that humans need to sacrifice their soul to become closer to angels - thanks for that, Steve. I’m fine.

And surely, at this point, there is no other way this could end? Because what Sam and Cas share - yeah, that’s what friendship looks like, but Dean and Cas - right. And so Cas went and said it (“You mean too much to me.”) and Dean just holed up in his room for the rest of the week? He never said a word to Cas? And, Jesus, Cas thinks Dean’s angry? At him? I’m glad this, at least, was spelled out clearly, because apparently some people still don’t get it and read Dean’s emotions at face value and no, Dean was not angry - he was worried out of his damn mind, and he’s got reason to be, because Cas still doesn’t fucking get it: “I don’t regret what I did, even if it costs me my life”.

The idiot - the useless, fucking idiot.

(“Smelly. Dirty. Twice the worry about getting ganked.”)

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Castiel had always known how he felt about Dean. Somehow he’d always been able to conceal it.

Not anymore. Castiel feels like he’ll burst if he doesn’t just say it. He’s only human now, after all.

He does say it, eventually. He makes use of all the knowledge he’s acquired and tells Dean how he feels over and over again.

It’s in Danish the first time. “jeg elsker dig” he murmurs as he accepts his mug of coffee.

The second time is a few days later when they’re on a case related to an Arab painter. “أحبك,” Castiel says, not looking up from the book he’s poring over.

He ends up saying the phrase more times than he can count.

“Ez hej te dikim”

It is not always “three simple words”.

“मैं तुमसे प्यार करता हूँ”

And he never says it in the one language that matters, the one language that Dean would understand.

“دوستت دارم”

Castiel will only learn later that he has severely underestimated Dean. He will only learn later when, one day, Dean turns to him and says, “You know I love you too, right?”

~

Again [a Flyleaf Acoustic cover]
The Unwritten November & Eowyn

                                                I love you, please see
                                                  And believe again


                                                           ✧✦✧


This is my contribution for the Mental Health Awareness week. To anyone who’s struggling with mental illnesses… You’re not on your own. We’re here with you.

I want an AU where Dean is a popular YouTuber who is married to Cas, but no one knows it. Cas is a high school teacher who is kind of awkward, but every once in a while he’ll mention a meme and all of his students are confused wonder how he knows that.

Then one day when he’s teaching he hears a group of girls giggling in the back of the class, so he walks back there and sees them watching one of Dean’s videos. It’s his “never have I ever” video, and right he’s talking about getting a speeding ticket. Right before the girls see Cas he hears one of them say “I wonder what kind of car he drives” so Cas responds, “Do not ever get Dean Winchester started on his car. He will never shut up.” as he takes the phone and walks away, leaving the girls dumbfounded.

“This is ridiculous,” Dean mutters as he rolls out his mat, side-eyeing the fuck out of his brother. His sweatpants are already sticking to his legs with the heat of the room, and for the first time in his life, he wishes he’d worn shorts. “I’m gonna suffocate,” he declares. “I’m gonna die doing hot yoga and it’s gonna be embarrassing.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “Would you calm down?”

“Ha!” Dean scoffs. “Easy for you to say. Look at you, with your goddamn hippie man bun and your short shorts and—”

“—These are regular shorts, Dean—”

“And with your fuckin’ tank top you’re in your natural habitat! Jesus, Sam, you’re like the king of the motherfucking granolas!”

“And you’re being a little bitch,” Sam counters, getting himself set up and sitting, cross-legged, to center himself. He closes his eyes. “The physio said this is the best thing for your shoulder, so we’re here. Now shut your trap and take it like a man.”

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Thing is, no matter how the mixtape originally made its way from Dean to Cas, it certainly got its meaning when Dean said “It’s a gift. You keep those”

I kind of wanted Cas to snap at dean saying “you wanna talk about cosmic consequences?? How about: the DARKNESS. And the fact that YOU KILLED DEATH, DEAN, I don’t think you get to say anything about what I did.”

10

Jon Snow and Sansa Stark + parallels (requested by bericdondarrion)

don’t sleep shouto

margarittet  asked:

Okay, I've been looking at Misha's pics today (because reasons), and it struck me again how they ugly him down for the show? Admittedly they do it to most characters except maybe Crowley, but Cas... Misha is a really gorgeous man, you can see on his Twitter and during cons, but when I watch season 12 I feel they make him look older and more tired than he really is. And don't get me started on the new coat! Any ideas why they do it? Is it the narrative or something else?

Hello, my lovely! How nice to hear from you! Oh, there are always reasons for Misha-picture looking. I know those reasons well. My, my, here’s one right here.

*so**hard**to**look**away*

And yes, I am in total agreement with you - this gorgeous man is lumped into a weird-ass coat and an oversized tie that honestly make him look like… I think I read the term “potato” somewhere - could very well be a @tinkdw quote - and it is rather frustrating because HE IS NOT A POTATO. (I refer to the above smoulder of If I Asked You To You’d Get Naked Right Now I Know You Would) (yes) (yes I would) 

So why make him look like a spud rather than a stud?

I have this friend who I discussed this with rather recently **Tink** and she said that it must be a conscious choice by wardrobe to make him look just a little out of place, a little uncomfortable, a little left off-centre. Because he does, doesn’t he? This whole season has dealt so much with “belonging”. For Mary, but especially for Cas, because where Mary found a place for her hunter-self with the BMoL, Cas has more or less just drifted. (until now, thank you Lucifer’s unborn son) 

So yeah, I believe it is the narrative informing wardrobe. And the narrative this season especially has dictated that Cas is not content, is not certain of where he belongs or even where he wants to belong (he sort of knows where he wants to belong, but he’s not convinced he does belong there), and he has been depressed about this the whole season: hence the seeming tired, despondent, lost. He has been so, so lost. He’s shedding all of this baggage now, though. 

I mean… 

Cassssssssssss!

(Sidebar: that dead body in the background, guys. *scrunchy face* Sorry to add to finale angst, but Luci is clearly on a killing spree. I’m a little excited to see him back and powerful again. But my money is on TFW. If the boys can manage to assemble, that is…)

Thanks for the ask, margarittet!! xx