because where else would they go when i'm the one making it

anonymous asked:

Hi Alice, odd question but: Do you believe asexuals belong in the LGBT community? I have a friend who identifies this way, but as a trans girl, I'm struggling to understand how she has to go through the same things as an LGBT person by being asexual. And struggle aside, I don't even see how asexuality is THAT different from heterosexuality, just with more... hesitation!? Maybe this sounds rude, but I know you've written about asexual people etc, and I wondered what you thought. No shade intended

Hi there. I’m glad you reached out to me about this because you must have really upset your friend by saying stuff like this to them.

It’s easy to see why not only cishet people, but also LGBT+ people, think that asexuality is fake. The world is awash with sex and sexual attraction. It’s everywhere. And everyone is supposed to want it and feel it. It’s so extremely normalised that the idea that someone could be literally UNABLE to feel sexual attraction is, to many people, absolutely bizarre and a joke.

Even if you acknowledge that asexuality is real, it’s also easy to see why you would be so quick to reject and get angry at asexual people who call themselves LGBT+. Because asexual people are not like you, are they. Unless they are trans, asexuals don’t have gender troubles, and unless they experience same-gender romantic attraction, asexuals don’t experience same-gender attraction! Lesbian, bi, gay etc people can all be joined together in their experience of same gender attraction, and all trans folks, binary and non binary, can be joined together in their experience of feeing a disconnect from their assigned birth gender.

The result? No one wants asexuals near them. People can’t relate. No one else feels the way asexuals do and people don’t think they should be part of the group. They’re not the same as you.

But oh god, they are not allowed in the cishet club either.

The first thing you need to try and unlearn is that asexuality is in any way similar to heterosexuality. It’s not. It’s so, so fucking not. It’s painful how different it feels to be asexual compared to being heterosexual. Telling an ace person that asexuality isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’ is about as accurate as saying being gay isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’. Being asexual means you do not experience sexual attraction, ever. EVER. And while that might seem easy to you, it’s an extremely painful and terrifying thing to learn about yourself, in a world where everyone is expected to have an array of sexual experiences, fall in love, get married, and anyone who doesn’t do that is strange and a freak.

Learning you are asexual can be terrifying. When you realise you’ve never had a crush, when all your friends have had ten each, you are terrified. When you pass the age where people have started dating and having sex and you still feel nothing - NOTHING - you are terrified. When you think about ever falling in love and the idea disgusts you, or you think about falling in love and you crave it, god you CRAVE it, but you know you can’t ever feel that, you are terrified. When you realise you will never be able to enjoy a normal romantic/sexual relationship, the ones full of passion like you see in the movies, and people will reject you because you can’t fancy them in that way, and there’s a higher chance for you than anyone else that you will simply die alone, without love, without children - you are terrified.

You think being ace is the same as heterosexuality? You think it’s an easy thing to learn about yourself? Explain the terror, then. I’m all ears.

The fact you see asexuality as 'hesitation’ is really horrifying to me. Asexuals aren’t attracted to the opposite gender but 'hesitant’ to act on it. Asexuals DO NOT feel attraction. To anyone. It’s not a choice. It’s not a way of life. It’s not the same as celibacy out of choice, or being a 'prude’, or waiting till marriage. It is ingrained in you, just like being gay is, just like being trans is. It is a part of you that no matter how hard you try to will it away, no matter how hard you try to persuade yourself otherwise, you cannot help it. You DO NOT feel attracted to ANYONE.

And in saying all this, I fully acknowledge that asexuals do not experience the extent of oppression that other LGBT+ folks do. There are no laws regarding asexuality. Lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and other LGBT+ folks no doubt experience a higher level and intensity of systematic oppression to asexuals, more frequently go through hard experiences due to their orientation or gender. But since when did being LGBT+ become a competition for 'who’s the most oppressed’? Is that what LGBT+ is? You’re only allowed in the club if you’re 'oppressed enough’? If you’re 'gay enough’? If you’re 'trans enough’?

If you need persuading that asexuals do experience their own form of oppression, though, consider the number of asexuals who are coerced into sex in order to 'fix’ them. Consider the emotional pain that I have already discussed, of feeling that there is something fundamentally wrong and gross about you because you feel attracted to no one. Consider the number of asexuals who are hounded or emotionally abused by their families for failing to find partners. Consider the number of asexuals who force themselves to have sexual experiences, because it is the norm, because they don’t even know what asexuality is, because THEY think that they are just 'hesitant’, despite finding sex disgusting and feeling no desire to do it. Do you really think asexuals are just running around, free and happy and content in who they are? They aren’t. I’m not.

So go ahead. Cast aside asexuals if you want. Call them attention-seeking, call them special snowflakes. Ignore the pain they feel. Make them go through it alone, in pain, terrified of what they are. Why on earth would the LGBT+ community be a place to support people like that!?

Messages like the one you have just sent me gives me further reason to never talk about that part of myself. To just sit and cry about it at home day after day because I do not like myself. Because I feel that nobody will accept me or understand who I am. I could list the number of things people have said to me to discredit and laugh at this part of myself, but it’s people like you who make me embarrassed to talk about it, too scared to own a label and talk about it freely and openly.

I thought, going into this, that the LGBT+ community was one of total respect, understanding, and empathy. I learnt pretty quickly that it is not.

I send love to your asexual friend. I really, really do.

Disclaimer: I am very aware of the nuances of asexuality, of the differences between romantic/aesthetic/sexual attraction, but sadly it seems that many people can’t even grasp the basic concept of asexuality, so I don’t quite think they’re ready for that yet.

let’s talk about the Pearls

because their behaviour in The Trial was fascinating to me

At first, we see them exhibiting all their usual stuff. YP is as flourishing and Extra as always, and while for the most part BP is her usual quiet self, we see her display the most actual personality ever as she grins while drawing “Rose Quartz’s” death

But the tricky thing with the Diamonds’ Pearls is that it is very, very hard to tell what’s the real them. What are they really thinking, and what’s a show they have to put on to avoid their owners’ wrath?

Here, we see them lose their calm– both of them, at the same time, for the same reason. And not because of a direct threat/insult, like Yellow Pearl’s flinching from Yellow Diamond in “Message Recieved”. It’s a comment Blue Zircon makes:

“So how did a Rose Quartz with no business being anywhere near Pink Diamond get so close in the first place? Where were Pink Diamond’s attendants? Her Agates? Her Sapphires? And where was her Pearl?”

They both immediately freeze. YP’s expression is terrified. She looks directly and BP, as if either afraid for her, or searching for reassurance or guidance. We don’t know exactly what Blue Pearl’s expression is, with her eyes covered– but maybe fear too, or uncertainty, or surprise…

So the question is. Why?

1) They’re genuinely shocked. They’re so indoctrinated by Homeworld ideology that the thought that Pink Diamond’s Pearl didn’t do anything to protect her is an accusation which strikes them to their core

2) They’re afraid their Diamonds will lash out at them as scapegoats. This episode made it painfully clear that YD especially is pretty trigger happy, so I wouldn’t put it past her to occasionally strike out at blameless underlings

3) They know something.

This last one seems more likely to me. Because why else would they get so much focus? The question is– what?

Okay. Let me split this up into sub-theories:

  • They (or one of them) witnessed Pink Diamond’s death, and they have information which could explain the discrepancies Blue Zircon brought up. However, they never divulged it for whatever reason. (Possibly because, if there was a cover up, they could be at risk if the did). Now it might come out accidentally, and they could take the fallout.

  • One or both of them helped orchestrate Pink Diamond’s assassination, either directly or indirectly. The main issue is the question of how an obvious criminal like Rose Quartz could have gotten close enough to Pink Diamond to kill her. Pearls would have a great insight into how all the court hierarchies work. Since they’re considered to be basically dim-witted furniture, they’re pretty easily ignored. Combine this with abilities such as holographic projections, perhaps they could have found a way to smuggle Rose Quartz (or the true killer) close enough.

  • Another Pearl was directly involved in the smuggling and killing of Pink Diamond. While they didn’t plan it, BP and YP helped her (and any allies e.g. Rose Quartz) escape, because of Pearl Solidarity

Hmm…. but who could this other Pearl be… If only there was another Pearl in the show… a known rebel… who’s past history with Homeworld is shrouded in mystery…

Ah. Yes.

Now, I’ll admit, I don’t know exactly how Pearl exactly fits in. Rose Quartz being the killer seems important for the Arc of Steven coming to discover that his Mom’s past actions weren’t all sunshine and daisies, and the further arc of him realizing that maybe sometimes violence/shattering is necessary or justified. So maybe she just helped sneak Rose in, even if she didn’t deliver the killing blow herself. 

Although, if Pearl was the culprit, that might give even more impact to her expression when Steven discovered what happened to Pink Diamond in ‘Back to the Moon’

Admittedly, this can easily just be Pearl saddened that Steven’s discovered the truth. That the perfect image of his mother, the person Pearl loved and respected more than anyone else, has been broken. That his innocence has been lost.

But if she was responsible, it could also be fear that Steven– who is innocent, who still values the lives of everyone– would reject her if he discovered she was the one who did it. 

(Also, consider Pearl’s claims of being Rose’s sole confidant, the one who knows everything… The only one who knew the truth of Pink Diamond’s shattering.)

‘Course, we’ve got the little problem here that all eye witness accounts say that Rose Quartz killed Pink Diamond. As you might have noticed, Pearl looks absolutely nothing like Rose.

… but hey. How about shapeshifting? You know. That thing Pearl swears she can do, but that we’ve never seen her demonstrate in 132 episodes? This would be a pretty significant demonstration. And the trauma of using it for such a thing could explain why she hasn’t wanted to use it since. 

(Not sure why Pearl would have felt the need to disguise herself as Rose Quartz. Maybe it was because she knew all the other RQs got captured and bubbled for Rose’s rebellion, so Pearl was protect her fellows from a similar culling. Or maybe she thought showing the leader of the rebellion dealing the finishing blow would make a stronger image. idk)

That said, again, I still really am fond of Rose being responsible… so maybe we can split the difference and put the death on Rainbow Quartz? That would be rad too.

basically it’s all a mystery and i’m not sure where it’s going, but the Pearls almost definitely have some clue

Let’s end this on their worried faces

(protect them

“Lemonade” poetry bits

Intuition

I tried to make a home outta you.
But doors lead to trapdoors. A stairway leads to nothing.
Unknown women wander the hallways at night.
Where do you go when you go quiet?
You remind me of my father, a magician. Able to exist in two places at once.
In the tradition of men in my blood you come home at 3AM and lie to me.
What are you hiding? The past, and the future merge to meet us here.
What luck. What a fucking curse.


Denial

I tried to change.
Closed my mouth more.
Tried to be soft, prettier.
Less…awake.

Fasted for 60 days.
Wore white.
Abstained from mirrors.
Abstained from sex.
Slowly did not speak another word.

In that time my hair grew past my ankles.
I slept on a mat on the floor.
I swallowed a sword.
I levitated… into the basement, I confessed my sins and was baptized in a river.
Got on my knees and said, “Amen.” And said I mean. I whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet.
I threw myself into a volcano.
I drank the blood and drank the wine.
I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God.
I crossed myself and thought… I saw the devil.
I grew thickened skin on my feet.
I bathed…in bleach and plugged my menses with pages from the Holy Book.
But still inside me coiled deep was the need to know.
Are you cheating? Are you cheating on me?


Anger

If this what you truly want.
I can wear her skin…over mine.
Her hair, over mine.
Her hands as gloves.
Her teeth as confetti.
Her scalp, a cap.
Her sternum, my bedazzled cane.
We can pose for a photograph.
All three of us, immortalized.
You and your perfect girl.

I don’t know when love became elusive.
What I know is no one I know has it.
My father’s arms around my mother’s neck.
Fruit too ripe to eat.

I think of lovers as trees…
…growing to and from one another.
Searching for the same light.
Why can’t you see me? Why can’t you see me? (Why can’t you) Why can’t you see me? Everyone else can.


Apathy

So what are you gonna say at my funeral now that you’ve killed me?

Here lies the body of the love of my life, whose heart I broke without a gun to my head. Here lies the mother of my children both living and dead. Rest in peace, my true love, who I took for granted, most bomb pussy, who because of me, sleep evaded. Her shroud is loneliness.

Her God was listening.
Her heaven would be a love without betrayal.
Ashes to ashes…dust to side chicks.


Emptiness

She sleeps all day…dreams of you in both worlds.

Tills the blood in and out of uterus. Wakes up smelling of zinc.
Grief, sedated by orgasm.
Orgasm heightened by grief.
God was in the room when the man said to the woman, “I love you so much. Wrap your legs around me and pull me in, pull me in, pull me in.”
Sometimes when he’d have her nipple in his mouth, she’d whisper, “Oh my God.” That, too, is a form of worship.
Her hips grind pestle and mortar, cinnamon and cloves, whenever he pulls out.

Loss.
Dear moon, we blame you for floods…for the flush of blood…for men who are also wolves. We blame you for the night, for the dark, for the ghosts.

Every fear…
Every nightmare…anyone has ever had.


Accountability

You find the black tube inside her beauty case.
Where she keeps your father’s old prison letters.
You desperately want to look like her.
You look nothing like your mother.
You look everything like your mother.
Film star, beauty.
How to wear your mother’s lipstick.
You go to the bathroom to apply the lipstick.
Somewhere no one can find you.
You must wear it like she wears disappointment on her face.
Your mother is a woman.
And women like her can not be contained.

Mother dearest, let me inherit the Earth.
Teach me how to make him beg.
Let me make up for the years he made you wait.
Did he bend your reflection?
Did he make you forget your own name?
Did he convince you he was a God?
Did you get on your knees daily?
Do his eyes close like doors?
Are you a slave to the back of his head?
Am I talking about your husband or your father?


Reformation

He bathes me…
…until I forget their names…and faces.
I ask him to look me in the eye when I come…home.
Why do you deny yourself heaven?
Why do you consider yourself undeserving?
Why are you afraid of love? You think it’s not possible for someone like you.
But you are the love of my life…love of my life…the love of my life…the love of my life.


Forgiveness

Baptize me…
…now that reconciliation is possible.
If we’re gonna heal, let it be glorious.
One thousand girls raise their arms.

Do you remember being born?

Are you thankful?
Are the hips that cracked…
…the deep velvet of your mother…
…and her mother…
…and her mother?
There is a curse that will be broken.


Resurrection

You are terrifying…
…and strange…
…and beautiful.


Hope

The nail technician pushes my cuticles back…
…turns my hand over, stretches the skin on my palm and says:
“I see your daughters, and their daughters.”
That night in a dream the first girl emerges from a slit in my stomach.
The scar heals into a smile.
The man I love pulls the stitches out with his fingernails.
We leave black sutures curling on the side of the bath.
I wake as the second girl crawls headfirst up my throat.
A flower blossoming out of the hole in my face.


Redemption

Take one pint of water, add a half pound of sugar, the juice of eight lemons…
…the zest of half lemon.
Pour the water from one jug, then into the other, several times.
Strain through a clean napkin.

Grandmother, the alchemist.
You spun gold out of this hard life.
Conjured beauty from the things left behind.
Found healing where it did not live.
Discovered the antidote in your own kitchen.
Broke the curse with your own two hands.
You passed these instructions down to your daughter.
Who then passed it down to her daughter.

My grandma said, nothing real can be threatened.
True love brought salvation back into me.
With every tear came redemption.
And my torturer became my remedy.

So we’re gonna heal, we’re gonna start again.
You’ve brought the orchestra.
Synchronized swimmers, you are the magician.
Pull me back together again the way you cut me in half.
Make the woman in doubt disappear.
Pull the sorrow from between my legs like silk, knot after knot after knot.
The audience applauds…
…but we can’t hear them.


Warsan Shire

anonymous asked:

why do you hate yoda? not an attack I'm just really curious

I appreciate your curiosity because I am ALWAYS up for the chance to rant about my hate for that lil green fucker. Ok so here goes:

To me, Yoda represents everything that is wrong with the Jedi Order. The way he interprets and enforces the code is just highly misguided and allows for no exceptions, and this is one of the things that ultimately leads to Anakin’s issues and the downfall of the Jedi.

Let’s start with Anakin. So you have this nine year old kid who was literally just rescued from slavery and whose life has changed drastically within a matter of days. He’s going through a whirlwind of extreme emotions, as would be natural for anyone in that situation, especially a NINE YEAR OLD CHILD. It’s fucked up enough to not expect any child in that situation to feel fear, but this isn’t even a typical case of a padawan who is recruited by the Jedi from a young age from a healthy family environment with parental consent. This is a boy who was rescued from slavery in order to become a Jedi, and who is reconciling the fact that he is now a free person while the mother he loves dearly is still enslaved. That’s a big fucking emotional burden to deal with. Considering the situation, Anakin actually deals with it in a much more mature and controlled way than many other kids his age would. But nooo, apparently that’s not good enough for Yoda, who can “sense” his fear. How dare Yoda, who is NOT a slave, has not EVER BEEN ENSLAVED (to our knowledge) try to police the emotions of a child who is fresh out of the system of slavery. Who the hell is he to know or say what is right to feel in that situation. But not only does he condemn that Anakin feels afraid, he acts in a way that suggests to Anakin that his fear and emotions might keep him from being trained as a Jedi. Mind you, this kid had JUST BEEN FREED in order to BECOME A JEDI. From Anakin’s perspective, he might think that if he doesn’t get to be a Jedi he has to go back to being a slave on Tatooine. So this is a pivotal moment for Anakin, where he is told that his fear and emotions will not be accepted, and he makes the decision going forward that he needs to repress these things. Right here in this moment is when Yoda already predisposes Anakin to be vulnerable to Palpatine’s influence. He is already putting this kid on the defensive and setting the path for him to repress his emotions in a dangerous way. Then, even after Anakin is granted status as a padawan and then a Jedi Knight, Yoda never fully accepts or trusts him. He is always wary of Anakin and is pretty damn obvious about it. And he’s a representative of the Jedi Council. So instead of Anakin seeing the council as people who are on his side who he can trust and turn to in times of need, he sees a council who does not like him, does not trust him, and who he can’t be open with about issues he’s facing. So many of the bad events of RoTS stem from a lack of communication between Anakin and anyone else. Because he’s been taught that his emotions and fears are not normal to have or an ok thing to experience, he doesn’t feel comfortable talking about them—not just to the Council, but to anyone. So he doesn’t turn to the council, he doesn’t turn to Padme, he doesn’t turn to Obi Wan, because he believes that what he’s feeling is unacceptable and should be pushed aside rather than discussed. And THIS is what makes him vulnerable to Palpatine. And I would argue that all of this is primarily Yoda’s fault. 

So if THAT wasn’t enough… this little green nugget of bad kush learns nothing from his mistakes. How do I know that? Because he tries the same bullshit with Luke. Like, fucking up one Skywalker apparently wasn’t enough for him. He goes into hiding for a long time and you would think that during that time alone on Dagobah MAYBE he would find some time to take personal responsibility in his role of failing Anakin and realize what practices and shortcomings led to the downfall of the Jedi. You’d think that he’d realize that maybe the “no attachments” part of the code was outdated and wrong and partially responsible for what led to Anakin turning to the Dark Side. Nope. None of this happens. On Dagobah when Luke realizes that Han and Leia are in trouble, Yoda tries to stop him from going to save them! He tries to argue that Luke should let Han and Leia die so that he can “honor what they fight for.” What bullshit is that? Luckily, Luke doesn’t listen to this mess and still goes and saves Han and Leia, but honestly after all this time Yoda STILL doesn’t realize that MAYBE he’s been doing something wrong. 

I won’t go into it, but he’s also kinda a piece of shit regarding Ahsoka’s trial in TCW. Basically,to me, Yoda represents this pervasive toxic masculinity of the Jedi Order that views having emotions as weak and dangerous. I’ll finish my rant with this excerpt from some book that I think is in the legends-verse now. 

Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
  • Dr. Phil: Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
  • Mother: *sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
  • Dr. Phil: Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
  • *dramatic music plays*
  • Gamer: My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
  • Audience: *gasps*
  • Gamer: Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
  • Audience: *gasps louder*
  • Gamer: Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
  • Gamer: *walks out onto the stage*
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
  • Dr. Phil: Please take a seat, son.
  • Gamer: *sits very disrespectfully*
  • Mother: *starts bawling*
  • Dr. Phil: Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
  • Gamer: The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
  • Dr. Phil: All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
  • Gamer: Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
  • Mother: He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
  • Dr. Phil: I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays*
  • *The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
  • Gamer: Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
  • Mother: *completely unresponsive*
  • Dr. Phil: *completely unresponsive*
  • Audience: *completely unresponsive*
  • Gamer: Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
  • Audience member: Hey!
  • Gamer: Huh?
  • Audience Member: I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
  • Gamer: *runs to the audience member*
  • Audience Member: Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
  • Gamer: *hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
  • Audience Member: I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
  • Gamer: Then what is it?
  • Audience Member: No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
  • Gamer: *successfully undoes the straps*
  • Audience Member: C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
  • Gamer: *resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
  • Audience Member: Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
  • Audience Member: Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
  • Gamer: Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
  • Audience Member: Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
  • *the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
  • *the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
  • Gamer: My ears!
  • Audience Member: Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
  • Gamer: Okay, calm down.
  • *the entire audience screams in unison*
  • Gamer: What the fuck is that!?
  • Audience Member: It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
  • *the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
  • Gamer: Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
  • Audience Member: Shh.
  • Gamer: Don't shush me!
  • Audience Member: *covers the gamer's mouth*
  • *agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
  • Gamer: Holy shit!
  • Audience Member: Stop yelling.
  • Gamer: How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
  • Audience Member: You want it to turn back around and find us?
  • Gamer: Alright. I'll calm down... I'll. *start sobbing*
  • Audience Member: Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
  • Gamer: I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
  • Audience Member: You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
  • Gamer: I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
  • Audience Member: If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
  • *a snake bites the audience member's neck*
  • Audience Member: *eyes roll up*
  • Gamer: *screams like a baby*
  • *snakes slither under the closet door*
  • Gamer: *stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
  • Gamer: *attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
  • *agonized screaming echoes from all around*
  • Gamer: Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
  • Dr. Phil: THERE IS NO HELL.
  • Gamer: Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
  • Dr. Phil: YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
  • Gamer: What the fuck are you?
  • Dr. Phil: I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • Gamer: You're not Dr. Phil!
  • Dr. Phil: I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • *the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
  • Dr. Phil: THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
  • Dr. Phil: *crawls onto the stage*
  • Dr. Phil: *dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
  • Audience: ... *someone clears their throat*
  • Dr. Phil: What's the matter?
  • Cameraguy: Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
  • Dr. Phil: Oh, ah, fuck! Cut to commercial!

Viktor’s already overlarge heart grows ten sizes when they get back to Japan after Barcelona. Yuuri thought that maybe, maybe he would return from Barcelona with a gold medal. What he does have is something gold and round, just not in the expected form.

“Would you like to see my medal?” Yuuri asks his parents, shyly, and they enthusiastically agree. They sit down in the dining room where the light is best, and Yuuri puts the medal in the middle of the table to let his family ooh and ahh. Hiroko traces the words Grand Prix of Figure Skating Final Men’s. 

“Mama, Papa,” Yuuri says after awhile, and grips Viktor’s hand hard under the table. “I–we have something else to tell you.”

Hiroko and Toshiya turn their kind faces towards their son, open and welcoming.

“Viktor and I…have decided to get married.” Yuuri’s hand tightens almost painfully. Viktor soothes his thumb over his knuckles and feels the affection and adoration pool in his heart. “And also we’re…we’re going to move to Russia.”

“For a few years,” Viktor adds quickly..“For a few years, but we’ll visit, and once we both retire…” He imagines returning to this place, coming back to these people and their unspoken support and affection that swirls like a warm breeze. Bringing back to them their son, older and wiser and accomplished, a champion. His husband. He clears his throat. “I’m getting ahead of myself, but it’s–not permanent, you see?”

“Would you like to see my engagement ring?” Yuuri asks, perhaps just to soften the blow, and Hiroko nods happily, holding out small and work-marked hands.

Viktor watches the way Yuuri reveals his ring; slowly, blushingly, like it’s a secret he is sharing. The feeling of his own engagement ring is present, happily unfamiliar.

“The right hand?” Hiroko muses happily, as she examines Yuuri’s hand.

“In my country, we wear them on the right hand,” Viktor says softly. “It’s, um…important to me.”

“May I?” asks Toshiya, who’s noticed that Viktor wears a ring as well. Viktor holds his hand out and Toshiya stares at it for a moment, considering, then pats his hand. 

“Since Yuuri was born, we’ve only wanted for him what would make him happiest,” Toshiya says after a moment, the emotion thick in his voice. It’s the first such outward display of emotion Viktor has seen from him. The elder Katsukis go about their lives in a sort of genial cloud, despite raising an incredibly emotional son. Viktor suspects it’s because they made a point never to judge him for the emotions they, themselves, may have been taught to keep inside. “Both of our children, we’ve told them to follow their dreams. To seek out their best lives. When you came to him, to us, it was as though…you were delivering his happiness to him. He’s grown so much with you. There is no one I would rather him marry, and no one I would rather accept as my son. And if it is important to my sons, for them to go to Russia, I would carry you there myself if I had to.”

Yuuri cries, as Yuuri does. He cries until they crawl into bed that night and Viktor holds him so close he can feel his heartbeat.

“I’m just so happy,” Yuuri whispers into his shoulder. “I never thought I would be this happy, Vitya.”

Viktor kisses his head and whispers, “Me too.”

Viktor doesn’t think he knew was happy truly was until these people defined it for him. If that’s so, he’s glad his heart waited. 

Ok so what if a Langst spy au??? Just hear me out……
•Shiro is still missing, everyone is expecting Keith to take over until they find Shiro
• they hear about prince lotor, but don’t have any information about him, so Allura and the blade of mamora are planning on sending in an undercover operative to have intel on him.
•lance accidentally walks in on the meeting, and over hears them talking about it.
• lance volunteers to go, thinking that this could be his chance to be able to lift his weight and not feel so much as the 7th wheel.
• Allura is not amused, refusing to send Lance in, cause she does care for him on some level, not that he knows this
• but Lance makes some really good points that it’s not exactly a secret that Lance and Keith don’t get along, that if Lance were to make a big enough argument with Keith, that it could get the Galra to be interested in trying to recruit him
• Allura concedes, cause it’s the best plan that she’s heard through the entire meeting. But she only lets him go on one condition: once they find Shiro, Lance has to come back as soon as possible.
•they all agree that the team shouldn’t know about the plan until after Lance has successfully infiltrated the Galra.
• the plan works great. And Lance is successfully apart of the Galra. And lotor is especially interested in Lance, which is good for the mission, not for Lance though.
•ALOT of creepy one-sided flirting. Lance promises to himself to apologize to Allura for all of his incessant flirting.
•bad news, is the team takes it HARD. First the lost Shiro and now Lance!
• hunk is just begging whatever god are out there that this is just some sort of nightmare and that he’ll wake up from it at any moment. He still believes that Lance will come back to the team.
• Pidge is pretty upset, and thinks that if they got Shiro back, then maybe he can talk some sense into Lance and bring him back.
•Keith is LIVID. He can’t believe that Lance betrayed them, that he had said all those things about him, and just turn his back on the team. Keith believes that Lance has completely turned his back on them, that he isn’t coming back.
• Allura can’t figure out how to tell the team that Lance didn’t actually betray them.
• fast forward to a week or two after the ‘betrayal’ they face off against lotor again, and lance as well.
• somehow Lance and Keith are fighting on a catwalk, about 5-6 stories high. And Keith isn’t holding back. He goes on and on about how lance is a traitor, and how he didn’t deserve to be apart of Voltron
• it definitely hurts lance, but lance has pretty much figured out that Allura hasn’t been able to tell the team yet. But he can’t tell Keith, or else his cover is blown.
•Keith takes swing at lance with his bayard, and puts a huge gash in his face.
• Keith kicks lance into the railing, only for it and lance to fall. But lance is able to catch himself barely on the catwalk, but his hand is too slippery, cover in his blood.
•lance calls for Keith, to help him. Lance knows Keith would let him fall.
•Keith lets him fall.
•it’s either, Keith was in a sort of angry frenzy that he didn’t realize lance was calling for him until it was too late, or something else.
•either way, Keith is sure that Lance is dead, and leaves. Not able to look at the dead body.
•but lance isn’t dead. He’s close to it, but not there yet.
•Lotor finds him and has haggar save his life. Of course, lance doesn’t come out of it whole.
• he had to have his complete spine replaced with one of haggar’s prosthetics. He has a scar on his face from Keith, and his arm had to be replaced as well. But he’s alive.
• to say that Allura is relieved when she gets communication from Lance is an understatement. Especially after Keith told them all that Lance was dead.
• lance still sends information and warnings about certain attacks and plans that the Galra have for months.
• then finally the others find Shiro, and Allura is so glad because that means that not only is Shiro back, but that Lance will come back as well.
• Lance sneaks back on to the castle during a battle between Lotor and the team. (Carrying a flash drive with as much information about lotor and the Galra as it can hold)
• Allura calls a retreat and the other paladins go to the bridge once they have successfully wormholed out of there. You can definitely say that they are surprised to see her talking to some random guy who looks a lot like…oh my god it’s Lance!
•you can definitely say that there are some mixed emotions.
•hunk is so happy! He knew it! Lance was alive! He’s back! He’s going to be okay!
•pidge is kind of weary of it. She’s not sure what to think, he might be back, or it might be a trick.
• Shiro is just confused. the others didn’t tell him about Lance ‘betraying’ them, or that they thought he died. He’s just trying to figure out where Lance came from.
• Keith is drawing his bayard and putting himself in between lance and the others, ready to strike.
•of course NOW is when Allura finally tells them all that Lance was undercover and spying on the Galra. Of course their pissed that they didn’t tell them, mostly at Allura cause she was suppose to as soon as Lance was in.
• Keith now feels like he is the biggest screw up in the room, cause he sees the scar on lance’s face. He realizes that he left his friend to die, even if he was under he idea that he betrayed them. He sees how lance’s eyes go stone cold when he looks at him. He knows that he lost Lance’s trust.

“Prom was invented just to make girls starve so they can fit in a dress and compete over a stupid title.”

“Uh –” Derek blinks, eyes his sister dubiously, “I’m not a girl?”

Cora huffs. “Whatever.”

In the kitchen Laura bursts out laughing. “Don’t worry.” She yells. “Cora is just jealous she will have to wait five years to go to her own prom.”

“I’m not going!” Cora yells back. “Prom is stupid, I don’t even know why you’re going,” she tells Derek, “it’s not like you know how to have fun.”

Derek raises an eyebrow while Laura just laughs harder. “Oh my god.” Their older sister says. “I stay away for six months and Cora turns into a sassy queen.” She walks into the living room, pretends to wipe at her eyes. “I’m so proud.”

“You two are ridiculous.” Derek says, turning around. “And I’m just going because Erica promised to pay me. With ice cream.” Then he gives Cora a wicked smile. “That I’m not going to share with either of you.”

“You are the worst brother!” Cora yells as he begins to climb the stairs. “And I hope you fall on your ass while trying to dance!”

“Can’t hear you!” Derek’s cell begins to ring. “Too busy getting ready to prom!”

Laura lets out a high-pitched laughter. “I love you two so much.”

Derek shakes his head fondly, closes his bedroom door behind himself just as Cora tells Laura to shut up. “Hey.” He answers the phone, collapsing on his bed. “What’s up?”

“Yo,” Stiles answers, “whatcha doing?”

“Listening to my sisters fight.” He says, snorting when he hears his dad start complaining about all the yelling and ‘no, Cora, I’m not letting you go to prom, you’re thirteen!’. “I’m gonna have to check the trunk of my car tomorrow night.”

Stiles laughs. “She’s not that good.”

“If you keep teaching her, she will be.” Derek blurts out, curses himself mentally when he realizes it came out harsher than he intended.

It’s just – sometimes he can’t help it. He’s known Stiles since they were four, Cora wasn’t even born then, but one day she turned eleven and Stiles became her new favorite person. Stiles couldn’t find it funnier and took Cora as his little apprentice. He even taught her how to cheat on Mario Kart.

He’s never taught Derek that.

Derek rolls his eyes, thinks about his little sister still downstairs pouting and trying to convince their dad that she’s old enough to go out. He shouldn’t be jealous of her, but the thing is – he grew up with two sisters, he knows how to share toys and food, but he doesn’t know how to share Stiles.

Because Stiles is his.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hello! These blogs are so super helpful, and yours is here just in time for me to begin writing my story! So thank you so much for your help in advance. I'm writing a story about a soldier that was captured during war. Part of the story is him struggling to trust his therapist enough to open up about what happened. During this time where he refuses to talk to anyone, how would PTSD affect his everyday actions, his thoughts, etc.? Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Have a great weekend!!!

Hooboy. I’m going to just list several symptoms of PTSD and explain how they would each drain his energy and limit his ability to do things and how to include these in your writing. 

1. Hyper-Arousal

  • Hyper-vigilance: Every little sound and shadow is going to make his brain go into overdrive. It is going to kick his fight-or-flight mode on high and its almost never going to calm down. This is EXTREMELY draining. His brain and body is going to be a coiled spring, ready for danger, at all times. This is physically exhausting and drains spoons incredibly quickly. 
    • Some ways this will change his daily life - he won’t be able to spend as much time in crowds or even just outside his house because there is too much stimulation for him to handle for to long. He probably won’t sleep well because again, all those little noises houses make at night is going to make him panic and lose more spoons - he could combat this by getting a white noise machine. 
  • Emotional Outbursts: Many individuals with PTSD may experience unstable emotional states. 
    • It wouldn’t be odd for him to suddenly feel very angry or irritable with no recognizable reason or target. He may also swing the other way and start crying without any warning. These episodes are extremely draining and there frequency may prevent your character from getting things done. 
  • Lack of Concentration: High levels of distraction, the hyper-vigilance, the adrenaline constantly running through his body is going to make if difficult for your character to concentration for an extended period of time.
    • This lack of concentration may make it difficult for your character to work, attend school, do homework or fill out things like medical forms for doctors appointments. This could lead to him pushing such appointments back because he is unable to prepare for them.

2. Avoidance 

  • Situational Avoidance: Your character is going to try to avoid any situation that might remind him of his trauma.
    • If he was in a tank that was bombed, he may go out of his way to avoid driving. If something happened in a wooded area, he may take a longer route to avoid a similar area because it reminds him of his trauma. This could make your character miss deadlines, appointment times, or cause a significant amount of time to be dedicated to this avoidance which means other things will not get done. 
  • Social Isolation: Another type of avoidance is social avoidance - this means your character may avoid his family and friends, either because he doesn’t have the energy to be social or being around other people cause him to panic. Being forced into these situations would drain his energy very quickly.
    • This may cause him to avoid things like birthday celebrations, holiday parties, any type of gathering. These events are going to be extremely exhausting as your character is already tired and the amount of people and noise are going to exhaust him. 
    • Something else that might influence his social isolation is his PTSD influencing his view of other people - he may begin to mistrust others and feel as if the world is a dangerous place. This mindset is extraordinarily draining and would significantly impact his energy levels. 
  • Triggers: Triggers are sights, sounds, smells, situations, items; pretty much anything that reminds your character of his trauma. 
    • Before he is aware of his triggers, he will most likely stumble upon many of them and suffer from flashbacks or anxiety attacks, which is extremely exhausting.
    • When he knows his triggers, he is going to try his best to avoid them, which may mean changing his routine, getting up earlier to go shopping when it is quieter, not going to fun events like fairs or the movies because he doesn’t want to fun into a trigger. 
    • Triggers are often unavoidable or unexpected, prompting exhausting anxiety attacks or flashbacks multiple times a day, eating up time to get things done and exhausting your character.
      • Consider what his trauma consists of - does it involve guns? If so, it might not be just real guns that can trigger an anxiety attack or flashback. Plastic guns, guns in movies or TV shows, sounds that are similar like a car backfiring or fireworks, the smell of gunpowder, even just something that shoots something, like a Nerf Gun. Think through his potential triggers and then think about all the situations those could be found in - he is going to have to schedule his entire day around avoiding these triggers, especially when he is not actively working with his therapist on his trauma at this point.

3. Flashbacks/Remembering the Trauma

  • Nightmares: When he does fall asleep, he is most likely going to have nightmares. 
    • He may or may not remember the specifics of the nightmare, but he will most likely wake up in a panic, shaking, sweating. It’s going to take him a long time to fall back to sleep, if he even does. If he does fall back to sleep, it may be a very tense sleep, waking up frequently and not allowing his body to relax - this means he is going to wake up in the morning already exhausted, anxious, and running on panic. 
  • Flashbacks: Flashbacks are often one of the stereotypical symptoms of PTSD, however they are extremely common. Flashbacks may happen multiple times a day, at varying severity each time. 
    • One type of flashback is an emotional flashback - these flashbacks only affect the individuals emotional state, not their senses. So if your character is triggered and reminded of his trauma, his emotional state may quickly move to match the emotional state during the trauma - so intense fear, adrenaline, anger, sadness. These intense episodes that may come at anytime, last up to an hour, and are extremely exhausting. 
    • The common type of flashbacks you see in media are sometimes called ‘full flashbacks’ or ‘psychological flashbacks’. This is when the brain believes that it is back during the traumatic event, and the individuals senses - sight, hearing, smell, taste - are going to be taken back to the moment of the trauma. Your character will not be fully in reality at the time and any attempts to touch or otherwise break the individual out of the flashback could result in a negative or fearful reaction. These flashbacks can also last a significant amount of time and be draining. 

Now, you said that this was before your character began working with his therapist, but these symptoms won’t go away suddenly. As your character begins to work through his trauma and develop coping skills, these symptoms may decrease in severity or disappear all together eventually. However, some PTSD sufferers will always have some of these symptoms and have to cope with them. 

I hope this helps!

- Mod Riley

on allura and the castleship

So like the show often stresses that Allura is needed in the castle to run it, since it’s linked up to her quintessence. Coran seems to be able to pilot it to an extent in a fix (like when Allura and Keith ran off in that pod), but it looks like the castle doesn’t have its full range of weapons and abilities without her. Including wormholing, which is like. A really big deal.

With Shiro likely to be gone from the team for at least a little while, we’re probably going to need someone to pilot one of the lions. But with all that about Allura and the castle in mind, the question is: can Allura actually pilot a lion at all?

It turns out we might actually already have an answer: it depends on Slav. Because the castleship’s probably going to get some sort of an upgrade next season.

Slav’s already shown shitting on the castle during his first scene in it, which is a fun hint of what could be coming. Allura and Coran have said it several times throughout the series: the castle’s old. Its technology is almost definitely outdated, if Slav’s complaints are any indication, and it breaks down often, to the point where it doing so is a major plot point in season 2. Compared to its Galra counterparts, which have 10000 years worth of technological advancement on their side, the castleship is probably the equivalent of bringing like. a pointy stick to a knife fight.

But now they have the means to update it. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Okay, because I'm a sucker for top ten lists and future Viktuuri sex, so thanks to your post on Chris' best man speech: where are the top 10 most memorable places that they've had sex? I totally HC that now that they're public, they're less reserved about more public locations!

The Top 10 Most Memorable Places That Yuuri and Viktor Have Had Sex:

10) In a limo – they had to go to some Big Important Event and Yuuri finally let Viktor buy a new suit for him after months of protesting that it was unnecessary which backfired on Viktor because Yuuri looked hot as fuck and Viktor couldn’t keep his hands off on the journey there. Everyone ended up sort of side-eyeing them once they arrived at the party because they were all like ‘Nikiforov and Katsuki are looking very stylish tonight but also kind of…dishevelled?’

9) On Yuuri’s kitchen counter in Detroit – theoretically they were supposed to be in his bedroom but they didn’t quite make it. Phichit took one look at them when he got back a few hours later and was like ‘seriously guys? I eat there! And Yuuri your bedroom is like thirty seconds from here you couldn’t keep it in your pants for that long?’ Yuuri couldn’t look him in the eye for like a week afterwards. Viktor had no regrets.

8) On the beach at Hasetsu – they were out on a morning run with Vicchan and Makkachin and Viktor convinced Yuuri it was a good idea and that the beach was deserted so no-one would know. He was wrong but the old couple who saw them were just like ‘ah yes it’s just our Yuuri and his attractive foreign boyfriend, better to walk away before they know we’re here’ and Yuuri and Viktor never knew they’d been seen which was a good thing for Yuuri’s blood pressure  

7) On a plane – they both joined the mile high club after Yuuri won gold at the Four Continents and Viktor convinced him that celebratory sex in the plane bathroom was a good idea. Which it was but the air hostess gave them very knowing looks when they both finally left the room five minutes apart with lovebites covering their necks and their clothes all skewed

6) At a club – Even though Viktor likes the fact that he’s Yuuri’s one and only he also feels a little guilty that he had his wild younger years in his early twenties and got a fair bit of experience while Yuuri never did and he doesn’t ever want Yuuri to end up resenting him for that. But Yuuri was like ‘I don’t care, you were the only person I wanted to sleep with anyway I was never interested in random hook-ups with anyone else’ so Viktor was like ‘why don’t you have a random hookup with me instead then?’ So they ended up doing that thing that some couples do when they pretend not to know each other and chat each other up in a club for fun except Yuuri got really nervous beforehand, took several shots to loosen up, got an unexpected rush of confidence that was partially alcohol  related and partially the anonymity of the club they were in letting him get properly into Eros mode and the night ended with him completely seducing a very willing Viktor, a lapdance and them both screwing in the back of the club because they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

5) In a lift – They were both trapped in a lift in a hotel that broke down for a while and when they were finally rescued everyone was like ‘oh my god are you ok, it must have been so scary being stuck in there alone for like two hours’ and Viktor was like ‘oh. Yeah. Terrifying.’ *shifty eyes* while Yuuri went bright red. Then after when they thought they’d gotten away with it Yuuri was suddenly like ‘Viktor…lifts have cameras in them don’t they?’ and that was the moment they realised they both fucked up. (It was fine though because no footage could ever be released because of the hotel privacy policy. But one security guard certainly got a show)

4) At a restaurant – Viktor did that thing at a fancy restaurant they were at for Yuuri’s birthday where he’s like ‘oh no I dropped my fork *disappears under the table for fifteen minutes*’ and Yuuri nearly bit through his lip trying to keep a straight face and not let on to anyone around them what was happening  

3) In the showers at Viktor’s home rink in St Petersburg – Yuuri decided to surprise Viktor after practice and it all went downhill from there. Yurio once overheard Viktor mentioning it while flirting with Yuuri at the rinkside and has never used any of the showers at the rink again

2) In a cabin in the woods – About a year into their relationship Yuuri started to get really self-conscious and anxious about all the media attention and the obsessed fans and how there was always paparazzi hanging around them and so Viktor rented out a completely secluded cabin in the woods as far away from civilisation as he could find on an impulse to try and give Yuuri a relaxing break. Since neither of them knew literally anything about outdoor survival they just stockpiled it with food and wood for the fire and disappeared for a week. They spent most of that week hiking (mainly consisting of them both getting lost and Viktor nearly dying multiple times), cuddling up together to watch the sunrise and sunset and having sex marathons on the fur rug in front of the fire a la every romance film ever. Viktor still considers it one of the best decisions he’s ever made and now has a yearly reservation.

1) In a bathroom at the European Championships – Yuuri promised to give Viktor a ‘reward’ if he won the Euros which lead to them having sex in the skater’s bathroom after the medal ceremony. Chris happened to walk in on them halfway and because Chris is Chris when they noticed him he was just like ‘don’t let me stop you’ and smirked. Viktor was 100% ready to ignore him and continue but Yuuri, unfortunately, was not. Viktor ended up getting his reward that night in the hotel room instead.

anonymous asked:

i'm giggling to myself bc i keep imagining that sasuke's and naruto's friendship starts bc sasuke learns that naruto has massive chakra reserves and he's just like "well /hello destruction/" and they probably become everyone's worst nightmare.

The first time Sasuke really notices Naruto is during their Academy class’s unit on sealing.

To be fair, it would be kind of hard to miss him after the way he shoves so much chakra into the exploding tag he’s supposed to be making that he blows up the back half of the classroom and launches himself about twenty feet into the air. A couple of the other kids are a bit singed, and they end up having to share a room with another class until the terminally overworked Mokuton user can fix the wall and ceiling, but Naruto wanders back in the next day looking sheepish and entirely unharmed.

Since Sasuke saw him take the brunt of the explosion, this is worthy of note. So is the fact that he managed to shove enough chakra into the tag to burn out the safety seal that was supposed to keep things like that from happening.

Under the cover of Iruka-sensei’s yelling, Sasuke looks down at the diagram on his paper, a jutsu that his father dismissed as unreasonable and unusable given normal human limits, and thinks, Huh.


“All your old designs?” Shisui says with some confusion when Sasuke tracks him down after class. He rocks back on his heels, eyeing Sasuke a little warily, and swipes ineffectually at an ink-stain on his cheek. “Yeah, I still have them—I wouldn’t throw them out after you gave them to me for safekeeping, brat.”

“I need them,” Sasuke says with determination. “All of them.”

Shisui blinks, then tilts his head, studying him for a moment. “You know the amount of chakra they need would kill most jounin,” he says, though it’s too curious to be an accusation. “I think even Sarutobi-sama might have trouble with some of them. You’ve got a habit of thinking big, kid.”

“Are you going to give them to me or not?” Sasuke demands crankily, because he’s got curfew in three hours and he still has to pick through his plans to find the easiest one and find Naruto.

“Of course.” Shisui sounds offended that he’d think otherwise. “They’re your designs, Sasuke. Check the hall closet, top shelf—Tenzō!”

Shisui’s boyfriend takes one look at the manic light in his eyes, the scrolls scattered over the breakfast table, and the ink smeared across his face, then blanches and turns right back around.

“No no no!” Shisui lunges after him, grabbing up his scrolls and vaulting clear over the table. “Tenzō, no, come back, I swear this one isn’t like last time, this is a brilliant idea, you will be blown away!”

“Urgent mission, ANBU called, I have to go!” Tenzō calls over his shoulder as he bolts.

Tenzō! That wasn’t even a convincing lie! Come on, you’re the only one in the village with Mokuton, you have to try this or my brilliance is wasted, it’s a gorgeous jutsu! Tenzō!”

Sasuke rolls his eyes as the yelling fades behind him and heads for the closet. The box with the jutsus his father rejected is right where Shisui said it would be, and Sasuke clutches it and thinks a little gleefully about the potential of even one of these jutsus, provided he can get Naruto to agree. The destructive power. The awesome might. The possible explosions.

(Somewhere deep in R&D’s basement Mikoto pauses in the middle of creating a devastating combination jutsu, and turns to smile fondly at the picture of her youngest son on the wall. She’s so glad he got more of her proclivities than Fugaku’s, even if her husband does tend to complain about the property damage more frequently since she introduced him to the wonders of explosive chakra techniques.)


Naruto is just heating up water for his nightly cup of ramen, halfway through trying to factor a new jumpsuit into his monthly budget while still having money for Ichiraku’s, when there’s a knock on his door. A little wary—because Hokage-jiji usually warns him when he’s going to drop by, and there’s no one else who visits Naruto—he pulls it open, and finds himself face-to-face with the weird nerd who spends pretty much all of their time in class drawing on big scrolls. Iruka-sensei yells at him to pay attention almost as much as he does Naruto, which automatically makes Naruto like him.

But he and Naruto have never even spoken before, so Naruto has no earthly idea what he’s doing here.

“Hello?” he asks.

The boy thrusts the shoebox he’s carrying at Naruto and says, “Your chakra reserves are amazing will you try my jutsus?”

This is, Naruto learns much, much later, the Uchiha equivalent of a marriage proposal.

Even if he’d known, he probably still would have lit up with glee and cried, “Yes!”


“Not a word,” Mikoto tells her husband as she ladles miso soup into five bowls instead of the usual four.

Fugaku rolls his eyes at her, ignoring her warning to offer, “I don’t think Kushina would have liked anything more than for you to take in her son.”

“And now we have an excuse,” Mikoto says triumphantly, waving the ladle like it’s a weapon to stab Danzō and the other Elders with. “We couldn’t approach him but they didn’t say anything about Sasuke now did they? Hah!”

“I think,” Fugaku says dryly, casting a glance at where Sasuke is looking halfway to manic as he explains one of his jutsus to a beaming Naruto, “that the Elders are very shortly going to have much bigger things to worry about.”

anonymous asked:

Hello! I'm a curious anon who wants to be not ignorant on asexuality cause i gotta be a good ally, so i was wondering if you could explain it? sometimes i get confused like, they say asexual people also have sex but i thought that would negate asexuality? also how do you know you're asexual, how do you know the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction? sorry if i'm asking a lot of questions i just wanna be Educated™

hey there, sunshine!!! OK, let me explain EVERYTHING. 

hmmm.

so, asexuality is when a person does not feel sexual attraction to other people. sexual attraction is - this is kind of hard for me, as I’m ace myself, to explain it without it sounding a bit weird, maybe?! - but it’s the feeling of looking at someone and being turned on by them, I guess? the feeling of looking at them and wanting to have sex with them, and feeling aroused by the idea of having sex with them. this is something that asexual people do not feel.

this is separate from feelings of romantic attraction, which is not to do with sex and all to do with intimacy of heart - and how you express that romantic intimacy varies from person to person. for a lot of people, it involves stuff like kissing and holding hands and going on dates and flowers and stuff. pretty much, if it’s your heart going !!!!!! then it’s romantic, and if it’s your down-there lair going !!!!!!!!, then that’s sexual.

asexuality, like many sexualities, is not an absolute: it’s a spectrum! the spectrum of asexuality includes - but is not limited to - demisexuality (being attracted to someone only after a strong emotional bond has been formed with them), grey-asexuality (feeling sexual attraction to other people very rarely, or very weakly, or a combination of both), and asexuality itself, which is simply never feeling sexual attraction.

as for the question about sex negating asexuality, there are many reasons an asexual person might have sex:

  • to experience physical intimacy with someone they care about a lot, even if they are not sexually attracted to them
  • because they know their partner enjoys it, and they get enjoyment out of pleasing their partner
  • because not feeling sexual attraction doesn’t mean not feeling sexual arousal. you can be asexual but still want to have sex, it’s just that you’re not able to find someone you particularly want to have sex with. I’ve seen an analogy that goes like this: you know that feeling where you’re hungry, and you open the cupboard, and everything you see you’re like… nah… but you’re still hungry? yeah, that. eventually you might end up eating something that you don’t feel especially drawn to, just because you’re hungry.
  • because sex can be really fun! even if you’re not attracted to your partner, sex can be enjoyable (and I am speaking from experience here)
  • to have kids! some asexual people want to raise a family.
  • on a less positive note, society kind of demands sex of people. it’s seen as a young person’s rite of passage, as the cementing of romantic feelings, as a given in any long-term relationship. it’s something that friends bond over, their sex stories; it’s part of drinking games, it’s often part of TV and books and movies, it’s a whole world that demands to be understood or else you risk feeling like - and being treated like - a child. asexual people may feel pressured to have sex, even when not wanting to, just to fit in. this is a not-cool reason.

that is absolutely not an exhaustive list but hopefully it gives you some idea of some reasons why ace people might have sex! still very much asexual before, during, and after.

lastly, you ask how people know they’re asexual… this one is kind of hard to answer. personally, I figured it out pretty late. I’d always assumed that everyone was kind of deciding to be attracted to people, like I was, and it was only after some revealing conversations with friends that I realised - no, most people don’t have to try to force attraction with decisions, it just happens naturally. 

often, the Realisation Process begins with doing a little bit of reading and recognising yourself in the things you’re learning! if you want to know more, I seriously recommend AVEN - click here! - a website which has a crap ton of info!! thank you for your question, I appreciate you wanting to learn and be a good ally - it makes all the difference to have educated, accepting allies out there in the big wide world. you’re wonderful, and hope I helped! <3

((I don’t know if this has been done, so if it has please tell me.))

So I’ve seen a lot of those ‘Humans are Space Orcs’ posts and I think those are really cool, but unnoticed they all consist of one thing: humans traveling with the aliens.

So there are a lot of ways you can do that, right? You could go all Star Trek and make it to where the humans and aliens all live together in harmony and travel space together and things like that. But I have a different idea and I think it’s pretty cool.

So humans don’t really know aliens exist. Obviously you have your conspiracy theorists and loons and the occasional 'abducted’ person, but for the most part it’s just generally accepted that aliens are fun and all, but they’re not /real/.

And then there’s this kid. He/she/they don’t really have a happy life, but they can’t really do anything about it. You can make them whatever you want, have any or of disorder or disability or just make them an angsty teen that comes from an unhappy home. They want to leave, but they’re too young, so they have to stay.

Then of course, the aliens come. But instead of crap like Independence Day (I say crap in a loving way, the movie was pretty good and I like it), the aliens just take one look at the kid, pick them up, and leave. That’s it. Nothing else. Just take the kid and go.

Of course the kid is terrified at first, but after like the first day or so they calm down because the aliens are treating them like gosh-darn royalty. They put the kid up in the nicest room on the ship, give them the best food they can muster from their rations, and provide for any kind of entertainment the kid might want. It’s like paradise, and the kid is happier than they’ve been in a while.

So the kid travels with these aliens on all sorts of cool adventures and throughout this period is when we get the 'Humans are Space Orcs’ discoveries. Like the kid will go up to random giant furry beasts and just glomp them and coo at them while the aliens are like “No that’s deadly it will kill you oh my god what is this kid doing?!?!” Or, if the kid has a uterus, come time for their period the aliens freak out because “Oh holy shmarda, the child is bleeding!! Why is the child bleeding?!” Hilarious antics and shenanigans ensue and the child is so happy with their new life that they never want to go back home.

Also included: drama when the aliens return to earth to find a human companion for the child (even though they didn’t ask for one you guys don’t have to do this really it’s fine) and the parents of the kid demand they be returned immediately. The kid doesn’t want to go back of course so the aliens have to fight for custody over the kid in court (I guess idk but something along those lines. Maybe the humans try to kill the aliens because the kid was “abducted” and that causes a lot of angst and problems.).

Idk just something that’s been floating about in my imagination for a while. I think it would be a really cool show though tbh like someone hire me.

Something There

Overview: Four years have passed since the war and you and Draco are now soon to be married. But as his insecurities catch up to him, he begins to wonder why someone like you would ever want to be with a former Death Eater like him. For who could ever learn to love a beast?

Word Count: About 1,400.

Warning(s): Some fluffy fluff.

Note: Draco x Reader Beauty and the Beast retelling loosely based off of “Something There” (see below).


Draco watched as you twirled around the kitchen of the Malfoy Manor, a sterling silver spoon in hand. In a cozy robe and pajamas, he thought you were quite a sight. His favorite sight in the world, nevertheless.

“One more week,” you sang. “That’s seven more days until we’re married.” After placing your dishes in the sink, you sat down at the dining table next to Draco. “Can you imagine?”

“Seeing as we already live together,” said he, gesturing to the vast interior of the manor, “I quite easily can.”

You nudged him with your elbow. “It’s still not the same. Soon, we’ll be Mr. and Mrs. Draco Malfoy.” You paused. “Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

Although he replied with a nod, Draco couldn’t help but frown at the sound of his last name. What was once a word he flaunted about and held to the highest esteem had turned into a scarlet letter after the Second Wizarding War.

He furrowed his eyebrows, dragging his spoon along the rim of his bowl. Soon, you would bear the name Malfoy. Malfoy. A name tarnished and sent to Azkaban and back as nothing more than a patch on his parents’ clothing.

And the more he thought about it, the more Draco realized that wasn’t a burden he wanted to share with you.
__________

A day passed and Draco still had an unsettling feeling in his stomach. It wasn’t uncommon for him to wear long-sleeved shirts, but now he could hardly bare glancing at his Dark Mark.

Is this what being a Malfoy meant?

“Draco,” you said, climbing into the bed as you stared at his back, “what’s the matter?”

He tucked his hand under a pillow. “Nothing, love. Just tired, is all.”

“I don’t believe you.” He felt the mattress shift ever so slightly as you drew nearer to him. “Before all else, Draco, I am your friend. Before being your fiancée, your girlfriend, your anything– I’m still just your best friend.” You peered over at him, his eyes focused on the wall. “So why on earth would you expect me to believe that lie?”

Sighing, Draco turned on his other side to face you, propping himself up on his arm. He noticed the way you scrunched your nose in concern, a wrinkle appearing between your eyebrows.

“Please, tell me what’s wrong, babe,” you pleaded. Your face softened as you examined his tired eyes, bringing your hand to brush against the cold skin of his face. “Is it the wedding? Are we going into this too soon?”

“No, of course not. It’s not–” He took a deep breath, unsure of what he wanted to say. Draco captured your hand in his, pulling it near his chest. He stroked the calloused pad of his thumb against your knuckles absentmindedly. “If I had to describe you in one word, it would be perfection.”

You quirked an eyebrow, unsure of how to react. “I’m no where near perfect, but– Don’t try to change the subject.”

He let out an indignant chuckle. “I wasn’t finished. I only meant…Just look at yourself and then look at me.”

“I see a witch and a wizard.”

“Funny,” said Draco with a straight face. “But really look. Because when I look at you, I see a compassionate, intelligent woman who fights for what’s right.” His eyes darted to his clothed forearm, the black mark almost visible through his white night shirt. “When I look at myself, I see is a monster. A beast. A coward, at best.”

You stayed silent, Draco’s hand still in yours. “I think your perception is tainted,” you said, withdrawing your hand from his to gently push back at his sleeve. He caught sight of a sliver of his Dark Mark, causing him to wince. Draco saw you reaching for a black marker next to your journal on the nightstand.

You uncapped it, taking hold of his hand.

“What are you–”

You silenced him with a brief kiss on the lips. You sat up and moved his arm onto your lap. “When I see you, Draco, I see someone who shouldn’t be defined by their mistakes.”

Keep reading

New Old Captain

Read here on ao3 (x)

Lardo was hunched over her laptop working on a write up for her final art project and Ford was across the table from her, finalizing room assignments for the boys’ upcoming (and final) roadie, when the front door opened and a voice called out, “Hello?”

“Jack?” Lardo scrambled out of her chair and into the front hallway. Ford leaned over to save Lardo’s document, then slowly followed after her. She didn’t think she had met anyone on the team named Jack, but who else would be coming to the Haus? She ran through a mental roster of the team, but didn’t come up with anything.

She found Lardo wrapped up in what looked like the world’s comfiest hug with a man who had to be a foot taller than her, and if he wasn’t some sort of athlete, Ford would eat her rooming assignments. His arms, good lord.

“Who’s this, Ris?” He asked, catching sight of Ford.

“Ford, our new manager,” Lardo’s voice was muffled into his chest. “Ford, this is Jack. You should have told someone you were coming, Ransom and Holster made an extra practice today and everyone else is at the rink.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I'm not one of those who blames Harry for what is happening rn, but man, I'm side eyeing the fuck out of Jeff. I dont know what restrictions Harry still has and all that, but this is some terrible shit tbh. Like, all these rumours about premiering his music before Dunkirk... that would be terrible!!! It would so undermine and overshadow his role in Dunkirk. Terrible business decision. And now the timing of this registration... it couldnt be worst tbh. I really hope Jeff knows what he's doing

I agree with you, and also, I’m going to go on a bit of a rant because I can’t not. I just honestly think everything related to Harry’s solo career is absurd right now. Harry has been almost entirely cut off from the fandom pretty much since hiatus began. I think that’s fine, and honestly, and I know we’ve all missed him, but I think Harry (possibly even more than the others) needed that time to himself. I think it gave him time to recover from such a tough schedule with One Direction, I think it gave him a break from the fan service and BS that really seemed to have burned him out, and it gave him time to focus on Dunkirk, which was obviously something outside of his comfort zone that required his full concentration. But Jesus Christ, man. This is beyond ridiculous at this point.

We’ve gotten countless media sources, celebrities, and others in the industry talking about his debut album. And because he’s not talking, all of these people and sources are talking FOR him - and we don’t even know which of the things they’re saying are correct and which are completely false. And blah blah blah yeah, obviously the media is gonna talk about solo Harry regardless, but you’re lying to yourself if you think that his team couldn’t have shut up some of the people who have run their mouths about solo Harry at this point. And if the media is going to always make claims about his future music, both true and false, why wouldn’t he just speak for himself? Why wouldn’t his team speak for him? Why have they allowed this to happen for so fucking long? And don’t even give me that bullshit about oh, they just want to keep anticipation up - because at this point, that tactic doesn’t even make sense. I honestly don’t even know how solo Harries are alive right now considering they get hyped up for his music every two days based on what so-and-so said to the media. It’s fucking EXHAUSTING and it eventually burns people out to be constantly disappointed when they’re promised that something is about to happen and then it doesn’t. I’ve seen a lot of burnout in this fandom in the last week alone on the solo Harry front, and that’s so sad to see because things could have been so different.

If they’re gonna have a dude from Columbia come out here and tell me that an album is nearly done, and then have Grimmy say he was about to hear the album, and then have a touring company registered like a tour is gonna be in the works sometime soon when they haven’t said jack shit about ANYTHING, that’s beyond frustrating to me. You don’t have to give every fucking detail but god, not even a confirmation that the album is coming? NOTHING. Nothing at all.

Louis kept up fan service pretty consistently last year and eventually dropped music. Liam posts updates about his album progress to his social media, and yeah, his album still isn’t out, but there also haven’t been fifty people saying to the press every four days that it’s almost done. Niall was active on social media and kept up fan service last year before dropping his single as a surprise. Harry has done none of that, and I’m not saying that Harry has to do it the way the other boys did, but this is….really yikes. I don’t understand what the fuck his team is playing at, I really don’t. I know that Harry is the most famous in the band and I know that his music is the most anticipated, but he is not some untouchable artist with a shitload of street cred where his album is guaranteed to top at number one. I know this fandom might want to think that’s the case, but it isn’t. He is not Beyonce with numerous successful albums and decades in the industry. He has never put out solo music, and not only that, but we don’t have even the vaguest clue as to what his solo music would SOUND like at this point because again, we’ve heard nothing from his team.

The way this is being executed screams lazy and arrogant to me, and Harry is neither of those things, so I want to know what the deal is. To have this buildup for over a year with everyone else talking about it except for the people whose voices count the most and just expecting fans to be there, still waiting and ready and foaming at the mouth whenever you choose to drop music even though you never bothered to say anything about it….that doesn’t rub me the right way at all, I’m sorry. And listen, knowing this fandom and how much solo Harries have stayed pumped, it might work for them, it, but god, that is just….I don’t understand how people can respect that method of doing things. Us, the fans, as future consumers of his music, as the people who ensured that Harry is in the position he’s in today, deserve better than this. I know that fandom entitlement is a thing and we don’t deserve a lot of things that we think we deserve, but are people really gonna try to act like having confirmation of an album from Harry or his team is asking too much? Wanting some respect, and some clarity, and some basic fucking facts (for example: Are you coming out with an album? When is it coming out?) for Harry’s FIRST SOLO ALBUM EVER after over a year of almost complete silence from him (and silence about his future plans long before that) is perfectly reasonable, especially considering how much we’ve been jerked around about Harry’s solo career for like five years now, and quite frankly, anyone trying to suggest otherwise is fooling themselves. Harry’s team may not be able to control everything the media or other artists do or say about solo Harry, but they can (or at least, you would think they would be able to) control their own behavior, and at least so far, it seems like they’re just letting everybody else do the work for them (and do it messily at that, considering how many lies and ridiculous speculation has been published and passed around over the past year or so).

I’m just really frustrated because I don’t understand why his team is doing this and why they’re giving this impression of not knowing what they’re doing (e.g. the Full Stop website) or just not caring (e.g. [the metric for success] “is just existing”). With a lot of the Louis bullshit, even without knowing the exact details of what’s going on, you can usually figure out quite quickly that a) they’re actively trying to fuck him over and b) why they’re actively trying to fuck him over. The involvement of the stunts tainting everything Louis does also makes the intentions of his team clear (though no less infuriating). But this stuff with Harry? I don’t understand it and can’t even begin to imagine why things are being done this way. I don’t think it’s fair to the fans and I think it’s doing a huge disservice to Harry, his music, and if the rumors about when he’s dropping the music are correct, his acting career. I just really, really hope that there’s a huge change soon because I’m really cringing at what I’m seeing so far. I wish I understood any of this, but I don’t and watching it all happen is exhausting.

Alright, some of my word vomit is out. If people disagree with me, that’s fine, but this is my opinion. And no, I don’t think negatively of Harry or anything like that, I’m just not pleased with how things are being handled by his team (just as I’m not pleased with how Louis’ team is doing things) and I need to voice that.

Small dump of random ideas I have on improving Fates’ plot in general

Because I’ve had these ideas for quite a while now, and it’s extremely unlikely that I get around to doing anything with them any time soon.

  • An explanation of what Valla actually is: My idea is that it was originally an entire country between Hoshido and Nohr, at the place where during the main story the Bottomless Canyon is. When Anankos went mad and rampaged, the magic energy involved created a rift between Hoshido and Nohr in the form of the canyon, while transporting Valla into this “floating island dimension”.
  • Explaining how the royal families of Hoshido and Nohr came to be/got their “dragon blood”: The divine dragons of Hoshido and Nohr (y’know, the ones depicted in the statues) could for example have chosen to permanently assume a mortal human form instead of risking to go insane like Anankos. They could have founded the royal families.
  • Replace the curse on Valla with something else: Instead of causing everybody who talks about Valla to “disappear” for vague reasons, they curse could cause everybody not from Valla simply constantly forget about it whenever they mention it (unless they’re IN Valla). For the main story, this’d mean that Azura and the avatar are the only characters capable of remembering the place because of their heritage.
    • In the backstory, this curse could be justified by the people of Valla starting the curse to prevent Hoshido and Nohr from attacking them - ‘cause let’s face it, having Anankos do that kind of rampage would mean that Hoshido and Nohr would damn well want to kill him.
  • Give Mikoto a bigger role by having her actually live past the prologue chapters: If those first couple of chapters are really kept the same, she could just fall into a ~~magical coma~~ from which she’d wake up either halfway or towards the end of the game, so that she only sees what the avatar decided on a while after it happened.
  • Give Garon a better role: Namely, don’t make him an undead slime monster, and let him act like an actual person instead of a generic villain. He could for example be still alive and well in theory, but at the same time be corrupted/possessed by Anankos.
    • On that note, the entire dynamic between Garon and Iago could be like that Theoden and Grima in Lord of the Rings, in that Iago is a servant of Anankos who’s making sure that Garon is under his control.
    • And related to the above, Yukimura could be repurposed into a villain another servant of Anankos on the side of Hoshido with Kotaro as his lackey. That could also help Hoshido being less of a “~~uwu sweet cinnamon peace nation~~* and be more morally even with Nohr.
      • On a rewritten Conquest, Yukimura could also basically lead Hoshido into war under the guise of acting on Mikoto’s orders.
  • Give the sisters legendary weapons.
    • Seriously, just do it.
    • I don’t give a shit if that means that the Yato’d have to have eight traffic lights on it for being powered up by each individual one, just do it.
    • Camilla wouldn’t even have to get an original one, she could just inherit Bölverk from Garon with the story noting that Xander originally was supposed to get it, but Garon saw that he was shit with axes while Camilla was great with them, so she got it instead.

Do you think Derek ever remembers the Stiles that he first met, the loud mouthed, cheerful, quirky, smirking, always moving, always curious Stiles, basically the definition of ALIVE, and he knows Stiles has been through a lot even before that but it never crushed his spirit completely.

Do you think he looks at the Stiles after the nogitsune and everything else he’s had to go through, seeing right in front of him how much quieter Stiles is, how he might flinch at surprise noises or contact, how he doesn’t strive to know everything about anything anymore, how he keeps his head low and approaches things in a more calculating way, a tired way, rather than wholeheartedly.

Do you think he sees the tight lipped smile and the dark eyes and thinks to himself how he should have been more present, how he should’ve been able to do something, ANYTHING, to stop this from happening. Because it happened to himself, he should know how it goes by now, he should’ve seen the signs, he should’ve dared to believe the nagging voice in the back of his head and should’ve stepped forward when he saw that no one else would. But no, he had let himself believe in his self-pity, that Stiles, someone so great could never fall, that he could never experience something like Derek because he was too strong and too precious and too amazing, that he could never need someone like Derek when he has so many people around him.

Do you think he blames himself for not realizing sooner that they are both just people, that he is not some monster who attracts and deserves all the worst for just existing, that what happened to him could happen to anyone, and that Stiles is not an actual angel, who is immune to everything (even if he was Derek’s guardian angel).

Do you think Derek’s heart breaks over and over again every time Stiles half heartedly jokes that they’re all just broken now and that Derek isn’t alone.

Do you think he sees the plea in Stiles’ eyes that he doesn’t dare speak, the way Stiles had seen it in his before he had even known what he wanted, a touch, a hug, unconditional trust, but that he doesn’t know what to do because he still doesn’t trust himself, and all he wants to do is fall to his knees and tell Stiles he’s sorry for letting things go this way, and he knows that it’s pathetic and he’s just being his self-deprecating self again, and that it’s not helping anyone - it never has - but he doesn’t know what to do, all he knows is what Stiles had done for him and he knows he can’t be as great as Stiles, he can’t.

Do you think he tries anyway because he would give his heart and his soul, or what’s left of it anyway (sometimes he doesn’t believe there’s anything left at all but considering he’s alive, and considering the way something beats hard in his chest when Stiles’ eyes meet his there must be SOMETHING there) no matter how small and shattered- he’d give it all for Stiles. And he can’t rewind time and he can’t fix him, and Stiles deserves so much more than his shattered pieces, and one day surely, Stiles will find someone better, someone who serves as a cooling balsam to the pain within, and that thought makes his throat close up and his chest burn and it almost makes him turn away from Stiles because he’s been taught in the past not to give anything if there’s a risk he’ll get burnt- but he does it anyway, because this is Stiles and if he’s not getting what he needs from anyone else, if by chance he’s not letting anyone else in for the moment, if Derek knows where the cracks are and how to warm them, then he’ll be there. And he might not be enough but at least he’s something and maybe, just maybe he can serve some kind of purpose, whichever it may be, to preserve that last part of Stiles that’s hidden behind the cold exterior, maybe he’ll be just enough to help Stiles survive until his life pieces itself back together again and Stiles is back on his own two feet.

Do you think he takes Stiles’ hand, silently because he was never good with words, and because he remembers that most of the time Stiles had comforted him by touch alone, small gestures, rather than his wide vocabulary of words, and that he’s surprised when Stiles isn’t.

Do you think that the tears that form in Stiles’ eyes at the contact take all of the sorrys from Derek’s lips because he loses his breath when Stiles gives his hand a gentle squeeze and sniffles, smiling ever so slightly, not strong enough for an honest full fledged smile, because it would be a lie if he did, but this one is real and it’s the most beautiful thing Derek has ever seen because it means he was right, Stiles is still in there and he might know the one or other thing about getting him out.

Do you think they’re still overly careful around each other and about digging too deep, they’re cautious to protect each other, and they might seem to bicker and argue harshly on the outside about trivial things, but when it comes to words with depth they’re both quiet and calm, and Derek sticks to his silent gestures until they start losing their power.

Do you think the time he sets a hand on Stiles’ back and Stiles pulls away, fear makes his chest tight that he’s reached his limit and he’s not enough anymore, that he’s got nothing more left to give and that this is the point where he has to let Stiles go to find someone better, someone worthy, who will put that real, honest, full fledged, ear to ear grin on Stiles’ face in the most vulnerable of moments.

Do you think Derek remembers that time, where Stiles broke through all his walls and looked straight into his soul with just one word, a seemingly irrelevant word in an irrelevant conversation that had nothing to do with either of them, really, except for fighting off a threat with a paralyzing tail.

Do you think he remembers how Stiles gave everything back then, prior to that word, he used all the energy he had left in him to keep both their heads over water and that he would’ve died to try and save them both, and Derek had found a way to dismiss it, thinking Stiles is the kind of person who would sacrifice himself for anyone, kind of like himself except that Derek did it because he thought he deserves to die much more than anyone else and Stiles probably did it because he thinks no one deserves to die unless they’re trying to kill someone else.

Do you think he takes a step forward to chase the step Stiles took away and tells him simply “you’re not alone”, and it’s three words to Stiles’ one but it’s the best he’s got and he always knew his best is not even close to Stiles’, and he knows he’s got to try everything, give it everything he’s left in him all the way to the end, because Stiles’ would do the same for him if he let him, and he has to take the chance just in case Stiles lets him to the same.

Do you think Derek keeps on talking, thinking about the way he likes hearing Stiles’ voice when he’s down, and talking might not come easy to him but it gets easier when he sees Stiles is listening and his shoulders slump as if he’s finally letting some of the weight of his walls fall.

Do you think Derek envelopes Stiles tightly, not trying to prevent it when he breaks and starts sobbing into his chest, but holding him together so that he doesn’t feel shattered and scattered all over the place when the tears slowly cease, and it hurts, seeing Stiles like this, hearing the sobs that wrenched from him, and maybe it’s such a punch to the gut that Derek tears up himself, but this time he has to be there for Stiles so he keeps talking, making sure Stiles has something to focus on beside the sounds of his sobs.

Do you think that maybe when they both quiet down, exhausted, and Derek sees how reluctant Stiles is to leave his side just for a shower, even if he can’t look Derek in the eyes at the moment, and how they somehow drift back to each other when they lie down, how Stiles grasps onto his shirt tightly when Derek brings his arms back around him, that maybe Derek starts to think maybe there was a reason they kept getting pulled back to each other, maybe there’s a reason they can see past each other’s defenses and see more in each other than either would ever dare to admit, maybe, just maybe, he can be enough for Stiles, the way a scrawny, pale but dotted with moles, sarcastic 147 pounds of skin and bones teenager simply believing in him was enough or him years ago.

Dating Jonathan Byers Would Include

@kurtwxgners


  • Photos. Let’s just get this out of the way here and now.
    • Photos of you, photos of the two of you, photos of you with his family –
    • According to Jonathan, there can never be enough photos of you
      • Well, he never outright says it, but you can assume such from his actions
    • Depending on how you are with getting your photos taken, there can be a mix of what kinds of pictures of you Jonathan has an abundance of
    • If you enjoy it, you model and pose quite a lot. There’s plenty of goofy pictures of you that were done to make him laugh
    • If you detest it, he tries to respect your wishes. Honestly, he does. But sometimes you just look so beautiful and natural and that profile of yours looks so right in this lighting and just –
      • *click* “… Did you just take a picture of me?” “I’m sorry..!!”

Keep reading