It’s been a long day and I still haven’t caught up on sleep. Just need to vent.
It was good to see my dad, especially without the ventilator. It just brought back bad memories of my grandmother in the ICU before she passed, and I think that’s what made me all the more emotional to see him like that. But he is doing better, it’s just a long road to recovery. We won’t know how everything is healing for a couple days, hopefully tomorrow.
He is really sore from the surgery, but even more so because one of the nurses dropped the weighed pad (for his stomach when he coughs) onto his incision, but he is okay.
I’m not used to seeing him like this, so it’s taken some adjusting. He is the one who is constantly on the go, always up and doing something or working 7 days a week. I’ve never seen him this weak, and I can see how frustrated he already is to have a bunch of tubes and wires, and need assistance with everything.
It’s stressful with everything going on at once, so I made sure to get a therapy appointment next week because it is desperately needed. He is already worried about financials. It’s just overwhelming with medical bills that are going to come in, on top of covering for food, household bills, gas, essentials. I’m looking for a second job, and trying to see whatever else I can do to lessen his/our worry. My classes don’t start until the end of the month, but I figured to start early so I don’t fall behind while working and taking care of him/the house. I want him to focus on healing, because this is the second time we almost lost him, and a lot of it was due to him putting it off for so long due to finances.
It’s time like this that I’m really proud and glad that I lost how much I did so far because I don’t think I would be able to handle what I’m doing now if I didn’t lose that 64 pounds. Carrying 25-pound bags of dog food up a flight of stairs would have been impossible if I were completely honest. It would just be way too much on me–and now I can see some of the progress I made with that weight loss so far.
It’s just one day at a time, and right now I’m just grateful he is stable and they were able to do it before it got any worse.