I forgive you.
you never apologized for everything that you ever put me through and you probably didn’t even notice any of it because people usually don’t notice things they dont care about, and thats what I was to you. I was just another person that existed, I was just another person that made you feel like you were worth something.
All you ever did was make me feel incomplete. I’d look at myself for hours until I could no longer recognize anything in trying to figure out why you don’t love me in the way I put love into you.
And even if you didn’t love me in that way, why couldn’t you at least be a good damn friend.
but you never gave me a thing. and I used to stay up at night trying to convince myself that you cared about me when I knew damn well you never did.
I always knew what I was to you but I tried to ignore it for so long, I convinced myself otherwise because when you know that the person that you love, does not even give a damn about you something inside you shuts off and I couldn’t deal with that and I didn’t want to accept that so I kept trying to see something that was never there.
I think thats what destroyed me in the end, knowing the reality of what we were but trying to look past that and find something that wasn’t there.
I was looking for so long, I got lost and forgot what I was looking for.
and I forgive you.
I forgive you for all of it, I forgive you for the nights I stayed up crying because you chose her. I forgive you for leaving and then coming back just so you could leave all over again. I forgive you for the things that you said when you and i both knew you didn’t mean them. and I forgive you for using me to try and fill the hole that she left in you. I forgive you for using me as a fix for your confidence because throughout everything all I ever saw was how great you are, and all you ever did was feed of that.
and now I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for everything that I put myself through. I forgive myself for letting myself believe that you really were the greatest part of me. I forgive myself for loving you when you weren’t worth a damn thought.
because after stepping away, I see it all so clearly now. After I accepted what I really was to you, everything else made more sense.
I destroyed myself in loving you and for that I am so sorry but when I say I forgive you, I mean I forgive myself, I forgive giving so much of myself to someone that didn’t care how my day was going. I forgive myself for all the hurt I endured.
— I have to let go, and to do that I need to forgive.