In beginning anew and coming home
When she first comes back home and comes home as Sansa, something inside her rattles relentlessly. She waits for something to release inside her or loosen. She waits for something, anything truly to happen but nothing ever does. It is disheartening. She had always thought that something that was unknowable to even her would slip back in, returning to that aching and gnawing space but she doesn’t feel complete or happy. She only feels like a little girl standing in a kingdom of giants. Winterfell had never seemed so big when she was a little girl but now it towers over her, huge and intimidating. I am not wanted. That thought is true. The Northern Lords stare at her with suspicious gazes, assessing her every move. She doesn’t mind their stares. She’s used to that now. It is the whispers that hurt the most.
The name makes anger rise up within her. She can feel it bubbling under her skin, hot and sharp. She wasn’t a Lannister or a lion and she never would be. She was the blood of Winterfell, a daughter of the North. That would never change and nothing they did or thought would change that. I am the blood of Winterfell. I am the daughter of the North, she told herself, staring at the huge keep that towered over her. Winterfell did not seem to recognise that and she could not blame it. Most days she felt more ghost than girl. What need did this place have for a girl who could not decide if she was dead or alive? It did not welcome its daughter back. It stood tall and proud and angry. We have no need for stupid broken little girls, it seemed to say. You are not wanted. She stared helplessly at the castle but someone pressed a gentle touch to her arm. She turned to see who it was. It was Jon, his face hard and exhausted.
“You ready to go in?” She stared at him but nodded quickly. Jom looked so tired, she couldn’t allow him to wait. You’re a Stark, you must be brave. That is what her mother had said to her but it is hard to feel that way. Bravery is terrifying and hard and she struggles most days to feel anything other than fear. She is a woman now and should be brave by now. But she just wants to hide behind her parents legs like she used to when she was a girl. There is no one to hide behind anymore. It is that thought that forces her to take a deep breath and to take Jon’s hand. He grips her hand tightly and she thinks for a moment that perhaps he is as scared as she is.
They walk together into Winterfell, two unwanted children make their way into a giant’s castle of snow. This is a castle of giants, she says to her childhood home, but I am the slayer of them.