because then i eventually have to get up

(2/3) “We celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary in Branson, Missouri. On the drive home, she kept telling me that we were going the wrong way. She was very insistent. I didn’t fight her. I kept letting her turn around because I knew that eventually we’d hit the main road back to Michigan. I knew then. Her father had dementia. And so did his father. So I knew what was happening. Soon she started forgetting names. When it started getting really bad, she wanted to walk away. She was always trying to leave the house. I’d have to lie in front of the door to keep her from going. One morning I woke up and I couldn’t find her. I freaked out: ‘Where did she go? Where did she go?’ I ran outside and it was totally dark. Down the road there was a streetlight. And I could barely see her—crossing the road. I ran and I got her. But she fought me. She didn’t want to come back home.”

Our 5e D&D group was battling an undead priest that was ridiculously strong and our bard, who had a magic instrument that allowed him to fly, was floating above the battlefield flinging vicious mockeries over and over at the priest because he had no other long range attacks. Eventually he gets bored and this goes down:

Bard: You know what? I pee on him.

DM: Y-you what?

Bard: I’m tired of vicious mockery, I drop trow and pee on this fucker.

Fighter: Does he have to make a dex roll for that? I mean you gotta aim and stuff…

DM: No, but I will have the priest make a will save to see if it does anything. *rolls a nat 20*

DM: …

DM: Well not only is he not bothered by this, he in fact looks straight up into your stream and opens his mouth to gargle it.

All players lose their shit laughing.

Bard: *after calming down from the laughing fit* You know what, I voluntarily take 1d4 psychic damage because that just mentally scarred my character

This week’s TM highlights:

  • Opens with a Very Dramatic nerf fight
  • “We can show someone googling themselves on the internet, right?” “Well, safe search.”
  • “First question is for Matt.” “Oh, god. Hi.”
  • Matt had Raishan’s next few rounds planned before Keyleth cast the spell.
  • If VM hadn’t gotten to Raishan when they did, Matt considered having her leave and just be out in the world, maybe reappearing in the next campaign.
  • Matt on Grog’s version of beat poetry: “You just… literally beat a poet.”
  • Raishan was Matt’s favorite Conclave member to portray because of all the non-combat interactions
  • Travis grills Liam on the Superbowl after learning he spent it at a vegan Mexican restaurant drinking a spicy margarita. Liam eventually manages to pull out the word “Patriots”.
  • “I fucked it up, god damn you, Andrew from Crit Role Stats!”
  • Vax has found his family, and it’s not Syldor. He’s not looking to get closer to his dad; to him, it’s a done deal and he’s moved on.
  • Travis: “Hahaha, I find myself hilarious.”
  • Sam shows up half an hour late. “Sorry I’m late… but it’s kind of my thing.”
  • Liam calls out Sam for making jokes about wanting one of their characters to die… and then constantly moping in the text thread in the week after Scanlan died
  • Sam’s made it through the first hour of 84 so far. “I mean, I watched the part where they were saving my life and crying about me.” He did actually get choked up over Grog’s song while he was watching it at work.
  • Liam points out that Sam is “the worst kind of foodie” and once critiqued a picture of the pancakes Liam made for his kids.
  • Sam: “I think it would be fun for one of us to die. I just don’t want it to be me!”
  • They show an extended scene from the episode (Grog’s offering) and when they cut back Travis is chin-handsing and batting his eyelashes while everyone else pretends to be asleep
  • Travis gave a lot of thought to how Scanlan’s permadeath would’ve affected Grog. “Pike and Scanlan would be the two things that would just crumble him.” He spent the whole week thinking about Grog’s contribution to the ritual and practiced what he’d say whenever he had quiet moments.
  • If it had failed, Grog might’ve tried the deck.
  • Someone asks if Vax would’ve jumped in on the ritual if Kaylie hadn’t: Liam thinks Vex is closer to Scanlan than Vax is, so if Kaylie hadn’t stepped in, much as he cares about him, Vax still likely wouldn’t have stepped in because he didn’t think Scanlan would’ve answered his call.
  • Sam had no complicated list of demands to get Scanlan back, just how he thought it could or should go
  • Travis was prepared for the possibility of losing the knuckles and the belt. “He was my friend before that.”
  • “If the beard is unattuned–” “That is an amazing sentence.”
  • Scanlan will probably rethink his approach to combat, but Sam isn’t quite sure how that’s going to shake out yet
  • Talks Machina: It’s About Scientology
  • Matt re: the ashes: “Some things are just journeys in learning to trust occasionally…”
  • Matt suggests a post-mortem Talks Machina episode on the entire Conclave arc
  • Critical Role is going to WonderCon this year
  • Grog considers himself a talented magician and the cleverest tactician (Liam: “Sometimes that’s true.”)
  • If the group had gone through Scanlan’s stuff: “It would’ve mostly been weird smut.”
  • Everyone points out that they don’t know enough in-character to feel they should do more than just keep an eye on Scanlan for now
  • Travis on Groon v2: “I’M FUCKING STOKED! …I’m really excited.”
  • Sam doesn’t know how Scanlan was left at the end of the episode, and everyone tells him to not watch the rest of the episode so he can just find out live (”…something about pudding? I saw some strange fanart that I don’t know how to…” “Don’t worry about it.”)

After Dark: the site was down again (verrrrrry glad I’m on a free trial here, because that’s two weeks in a row), but @loquaciousquark recorded all but the first few minutes of it live and sent me the video file right after it was done, because she is magical that way.

  • The armor Matt wears in the opening is the armor he wore in Mythica
  • Sam wants to recreate Hot Pepper Gaming with Liam on their podcast. Travis wants to be the live studio audience.
  • Everyone discusses their various and sundry bizarre live-action turns. Expect to see people digging up clips on all social media in the next few weeks.
  • Sam jokes about a political arc following the Chroma Conclave. “Grog could be Speaker of the House.” Brian: “Grog has a higher intelligence than the real Speaker of the House.”
  • Liam’s son ran a little D&D game for him that ended with the reveal that he was making it all up as he went, which Liam figures is pretty much how D&D is supposed to go.
  • Grog was definitely taken aback by Vax’s sincerity—when playing Grog, Travis is constantly trying to find the joke in things, and Vax’s words were so genuine that Travis got emotional and kind of shut down and had nothing to reply with, which he figures is exactly how Grog would respond.
  • Kima and Allura probably would’ve survived, just because Allura had eight hours of water-breathing at her disposal, but it would’ve taken a long time before they managed to get back home (a Gilligan’s Island-type setup).
  • Brian goes around shaking everyone’s hands, but Travis grabs him and yanks him down with him, and then the crew starts firing nerf darts at them to end the episode.

I’m so excited for Iron Fist because can you imagine Claire Temple’s reaction when she finds out there’s a goddamn ‘nother one? And when we eventually get our Defender series - my god. She’ll have a breakdown. They’ve teamed up? All of them? Catholic Guilt, One Punch Woman, Human Diamond and the Karate Kid are running round the streets together? RIP in rest Claire Temple.

The orange

So he always has food around his room, and one day he had this orange sitting by my desk. A few days go by and the orange is still there. I said, “hey when are you gonna eat that thing?” And he explained that he always forgets that it’s sitting there. Then he comes up with the idea of drawing a face on it. Now, he’s a terrible artist, but he actually drew this really funny “I’m done with your shit” face on it.

So everytime anyone in class said something stupid, he’d look at me and hold up the orange, like “are you fucking kidding me” and eventually it turned into just saying “orange”.

A few days ago he threw the orange out because it was getting old, and I was joking about having a funeral for our fallen. Then today some kid in class threw his desk at the wall, screamed, and then walked out. I just looked at F like, where’s the orange. This is when you use the orange. But it’s not here anymore.

Then he asked me to stay after class and said, look I got you something. It was a new orange with a fucking face on it. When he left work yesterday, he went out of his way to go buy me an orange.

He got me. A fucking orange.

You can keep your jewelry, because I have an orange.

I need to recuperate from all the wincest I have been blessed with in that entire episode hold the phone

Dean asks Sam out on a date to get waffles

Rowena telling Sam he needs to get Dean to strip to see if Dean is “smooth like a Ken Doll”

Slappy McSlapperton asking being very jealous when asking Sam who he is

Dean being A+ at riding bulls because hello, he has practice with Sam

Sam giving Dean the Talk (not the sex one but that was gonna come up eventually like come on)

Dean thinking Sam and Rowena were gonna strip for him and being so excited about it

Sam tearing up because Rowena said Dean was gonna forget about him

Dean repeating the words Sam says to him

Sam being a badass brofo because someone needs to fix his brother

Dean forgetting his own name but being able to remember Sam’s

Sam being amazing and knowing his brother so well to know he was gonna go in the truck and want the grenade launcher

The only word Dean needs is “brother” to save Sam w/out his goddamn memories

Dean being an asshole and almost making Sam cry because Sam thought Dean forgot about him

Finally, Dean making up for being a jackass and telling Sam, who just wants his brother to be happy, that their shitty lives are worth remembering because of each other

Some fans have been disappointed by “Sleepover” revealing that Star may have a crush on Marco, criticizing the twist as clichéd and predictable.

While I understand where all of this is coming from, I have a different opinion on the subject (granted, I’m biased as I’m Starco Trash™, but I’m seriously trying to be as rational as possible about this).

Since day one, Starco has been somehow different from your usual “just friends becoming lovers” trope because of their amazing chemistry, genuinely good friendship, great character-writing and overall cuteness. Now, I said trope, not cliché: the trope is the narrative choice of having two friends eventually falling in love over the course of the series, the cliché is how you get there. This is why the Starco-heavy Blood Moon Ball ultimately works, despite some issues, because it thankfully (and realistically) acknowledges that you can’t just “romantic slow dance” out of your problems when you (Marco, in that case) screw up; instead, it gave us a different kind of Starco development, with that really clever balcony scene/dialogues at the very end of the episode.

The point is, while the show may have its problems, the Starco is still beautifully handled, even after the whole “Star is crushing on Marco” twist. Given the genre, premise and the tone of this cartoon, it was extremely easy to go for the “weaker male friend saves the stronger female hero in an epic way” cliché, a scene where Marco saves the day and Star just stares at him in awe, blushes wildly and starts crushing wildly on him.

But, fortunately, they didn’t.
Instead, Star simply developed her crush off-screen, in the most organic, mundane and realistic way possible: by just spending time with Marco, hanging out, getting to know each other, learning something new about the other every day, living (slice-of-life or sci-fi) adventures, all that stuff. And said crush was revealed in a very good, well-written episode which wasn’t even fully about the Starco ship in the first place.

For a show that is supposedly about frantic battle scenes and flashy magic, this was a very welcome meta-twist, a further proof of how the series’ main focus is in fact Star and Marco’s evolving relationship and how believable it is.

Another post fueled by Starco Trash™.
Rational Starco Trash™ this time.
Or at least I tried.

Sangwoo and the guy from the gay bar

I still keep thinking about why Sangwoo picked up that guy from the gay bar. It can’t be simple blood lust that has driven him.

I’ve seen people say that he did it to check his sexuality and maybe prove himself that he’s not really attracted to men (like a bisexual in denial). That’s why first he went out to flirt with girls and have sex with one of them eventually. He was still able to get it up. Then he visited the gay bar and hooked up with that married guy, but didn’t seem much interested. His faked his smile and his eyes looked pretty dead to me when they were kissing. But maybe that’s just because Sangwoo picked a middle aged man. I wonder if Sangwoo decided to take him home just after the guy tried to force him into oral sex or if he has planned it from the beginning. (I mean, if he just wanted to check whether he’s attracted to men wouldn’t he have chosen a guy his age that is more attractive? Or even a guy similar to Bum, just in case that he has a type?) So what if Sangwoo also wanted to teach Bum a lesson? Because physical punishment doesn’t seem to be enough. What if he wanted to tell Bum that he is replacable? Sangwoo could simply go out and pick up another guy to fool around with. That’s why he picked a particular man at the bar. One that is cheating on his wife. One that is quite old and lusting after much younger guys. (Even though he said that he never had a guy as young as Sangwoo. But this could be pretty much a lie because he doesn’t want to come across as someone who’s frequently hooking up with young men. That might make Sangwoo wary.) So Sangwoo would have a good excuse to justify killing him. He was a nasty old man after all, right? I mean it didn’t really work out in the end because Bum still thought he’s special to Sangwoo (jokes on you). But Sangwoo never really planned to kill Bum anyway, he just tried to scare him and fuck with his mind. Maybe that’s the reason why he picked that particular guy at the bar.


Prompt: You and Roman have been in a relationship for a while but lately you’re starting to fall for Dean too. You have a talk with Roman and eventually decide to bring Dean into your relationship. Angst and Smut.

Tags are not on this post because I had a hell of a time getting this story together. First I deleted it two times and then getting it uploaded to Tumblr was hell. lol So, tags will be back with the next fic. Also, spacing and scene spacing are off but I gave up. I just hope you enjoy this one!

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Hogwarts Houses: Vice Tendencies

Here are some drabbles on the negative tendencies of the houses. If you disagree, let me know - I wanna hear your opinion because I love all of the ideas about each house on this website!


Oh boy they can get egotistical. And it starts off perfectly fine, they’re confident people - that’s normal for Gryffindors. But their confidence can sometimes swell and get in the way of others, causing rifts between friends sometimes. They all eventually deflate but sometimes their ego can cloud their vision of what really matters. Another vice is not taking care of themselves; they get so worked up in trying to be the best for everyone else, they HAVE to be the hero. And with that comes the neglect of their own personal health, which becomes detrimental quickly. Sometimes the only person that you can save is yourself, and that’s no lesser than saving anybody else.


Hufflepuffs are all about pumping everyone up about themselves; they love to make everyone feel valued and important. But sometimes they forget to include themselves in their haste. So they can fall victim to low self-confidence quickly, and often are blurred by insecurities. Whenever they get wrapped up in their own negativity, they just need a friend to help them work through it! Also, while Hufflepuffs have a general respect for everyone, they can have troubles putting their trust in people. They have their close friends… and then they have boundaries, where they don’t share a lot of information with general people. which is why they’re often mistaken for being placid or uninteresting. Nope! They just are selective about who they give their whole selves to.


These guys love to be on their own - they’re self motivators. However, sometimes they go too far and isolate themselves completely. Their over-independence can cause them to be lonely, but it can be hard for a Slytherin to reach out to others. That is where their internal strength comes into play. That self-motivation can also get them into trouble though: two words. Rash decisions. Sometimes Slytherins have the tendency to just say “eh, f*ck it.” and then they get themselves into some unplanned trouble. Their cunning and ambition help them slip out of most bad situations, but nevertheless the hasty decision making can make smooth sailing rough. Slytherins know who they are, and can usually steer clear of any major inconvenience. 


Believe it or not, Ravenclaws are not automatons; they have feelings. Sometimes too many feelings at once, and they can easily become overwhelmed. Debate is common and usually friendly, but Ravenclaws can sometimes take things too personally and their feelings get stepped on. Their sensitivity is something that makes them more rounded decision makers. However, one of the biggest problems they have is apathy. Going hard with studies and activities is good for the transcript, but as soon as they burn out, they BURN OUT. Nothing gets done, nothing is interesting anymore, and it takes a lot of soul searching to reinterest themselves with life. But that’s just the resilience of the Ravenclaw at work. 

Mornings with Tom would include:

•You always wake up first
•Tom being a little shit and never wanting to get up
•But you can’t really blame him cause he works so hard
• “Tom I won’t kiss you all day if you don’t get up”
•Tom whining
•You eventually win
•But he demands a kiss right then because without one, he’ll “never get to energy to fully wake up”
• “What do you want for breakfast?”
• “You.”
•And then sex
•You make him pancakes
•Which results in a food fight
•And ends with burnt pancakes
• “Thomas Stanley Holland! Look what you’ve done!”
•Tom knowing he’d really done it this time cause you used his full name
•Having to take a shower to get all the pancake batter off you
• “We should save water by showering together”
•Which results in more sex
•Harrison walking into the kitchen while you guys are still in the shower
•You and Tom panicking
•Tom turns it into a mission to escape the house without Harrison finding you two
•Of course Tom falls flat on his face two seconds into the game cause he’s a clumsy little shit
•Harrison hearing the crash and finding you two very quickly
• “I hate both of you so much”


A/N: this is absolute shit I’ve never done one of these before and this started out as an imagine and then I realized c'mon we’re talking about Tom here this kind of thing would happen like every morning so I turned it into this and yeah

anonymous asked:

supercorp prompt (slowburn oneshot): they both like the other but haven't fully realised it yet and take each other's subconscious flirting as friendship/banter, then one day after Lena is injured by some villain before SG saves the day, Kara feels guilty and worried so goes to patch her up, but Lena has to get partially undressed (eg shirtless) or sthing and Kara gets flustered (bc Kara) & Lena eventually picks up on it and teases her/flirts, scene ends in them kissing Please please please 💖

so, several things, anon: thank you for this absolutely wonderful prompt. and I would like to apologize for taking three or four weeks to get to this. because I couldn’t help myself and accidentally turned it into a 20 page, ten thousand word monster… enjoy? (i really am sorry it took this long, though)

They start out having lunch every other week or so.

It’s normal, it’s what friends do, Lena tells herself. God knows she’s spent long enough without someone genuinely interested in being her friend, so after the first few meetings with Kara, Lena throws herself into it with a passion. Besides, it’s nice to spend lunch breaks in the company of Kara, who’s always ready to talk about everything except the business at L-Corp, which is a relief, and who seems determined to make sure that Lena’s always eating more than enough.

A little into this arrangement, there’s one week when Kara ends up swinging by more times than usual. Three times, early in the morning and late in the afternoon, apologizing profusely but quickly following Lena’s gesture to sit down and pull out her notepad to ask Lena’s opinion on whatever ridiculous piece Carr’s assigned her to this time. And four times, when Kara shows up with arms overflowing with bags of food from whatever new take-out place she’s fancying (normally Chinese, Lena notes, carefully filing away that information) and fills Lena’s office with warm conversations and stories and laughter, and Lena loves it.

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Nagini acts as a messenger for Harry and Tom, carrying messages between the Slytherin dungeon and Gryffindor tower.

When Tom first realises Harry is a parselmouth he sends Nagini to mock Harry. All his messages are acerbic (hello potter you’re an idiot), and Harry replies in a similar manner (no ur the idiot). Eventually Nagini gets bored and starts making up stuff (like hello she’s not getting paid for this) and eventually the messages just become confusing.

Harry wonders why Tom thinks he looks like a delicious rabbit and Tom assumes it’s just Gryffindor idiocy when Harry asks if he is ever going to have hatchlings.

Nagini becomes a matchmaker. Unwittingly. And she still doesn’t get paid.

Sometimes people surprise you

Nice story here. So I was on express, trying to go for my well deserved break, but people just. Kept. Coming. Now where I work, if people come through express while we’re trying to shut down we have to serve them since they’ve only got one or two things. Works well on paper, but not so much when it actually becomes a problem.

Eventually I shut my light off so that people would hopefully take the hint, and I was serving a lady, but more people just kept standing in line, at least 5 or more people. I was visibly getting frustrated but was trying to hide it because professionalism, and the lady (who by the way was the nicest person I served that day) must’ve noticed because while I was ringing up her stuff, she started telling the other customers that I was trying to shut down and they should go elsewhere while being very polite about it. They actually listened, shockingly, (one even apologized to me) and I thanked her for helping me. Her response? “You guys work like dogs whenever I’m in here. Go take a break, recuperate.”

It’s nice to see that some people do understand that what we do can be very taxing, emotionally and physically. To whoever that lady is, if you see this, you are without a doubt a godsend.

The Forest Floors - Stiles Stilinski

Originally posted by stupidteletubbie

Summary: No one was there to save (Y/N), and when Stiles finds out he doesn’t want to leave her alone again.

“(Y/N), you’re going to have to talk to him eventually you realise.” Scott asks me after I bumped into him while trying to avoid Stiles. 

“Huh? What are you talking about? Is there a full moon coming up because you sure have been saying some weird things lately” I laughed trying to fool Scott. “Well, anyway! It was nice seeing you but I have a class to get to.” Just before I could leave Scott puts his hand on my shoulder and I flinch in pain. He looks at me confused before carrying on.

“Yeah, I know. We have Bio. Which is this way.” He points the opposite way to which I was walking. 

“Silly me. Thanks Scott!” I say before scurrying off to class.

I was sitting in my seat when Stiles and Scott walked in together. Stiles waved and I pretended I didn’t see him. He was about to come and talk to me but was cut off by our teacher. Thank you lord. We sat and endured a double period of talking about neurons and their impacts and roles in the body. The whole time I could see Scott and Stiles whispering to one another and looking at me out the corner of my eye. I knew Scott could hear how fast my heart was beating and I could tell how worried he was about me. I kept tugging on my sleeves trying to make sure no one could see the marks. I felt my throat tighten as I remembered what had happened only a few nights ago. While Lydia was in the hands of Jennifer, I was trapped with Deucaleon. He was torturing me; digging and dragging his nails along my arms and shoulders. I eventually blacked out, only to awaken in the middle of the forest. I felt weak, unable to move. I called Stiles but his answer was “I can’t talk. Lydia’s hurt.” He hung up and didn’t answer my call afterwards. I dialled Derek and heard him answer, but before I could say anything, everything once again went black. I then woke up with Derek next to me, asleep on a chair. He had helped heal me. He was the only one there for me. 

The bell rang and I snapped out of my daydream, realising my cheeks were damp. I quickly got up and rushed out of the class ready to go home. Just before I could get into my car I felt someone grab my shoulder rougher than Scott had earlier, and I cried out in pain, flinching away. 

“Woah, what’s wrong?” Stiles asks as he throws his hands back confused and scared. 

“Nothing.” I murmur before trying to get into the car but Stiles holds the door closed. 

“Why won’t you talk to me? Or any of us for that reason.” 

“Because I don’t want to waste my time.” 

“Whats that supposed to mean?” 

“Forget I ever said anything.” I try to get in the car again but Stiles kept the door closer firmly. “Fine, I’ll walk.” I turn around and start to walk off before Stiles puts his other arm on the other side of me, trapping me. I feel how close he is and his breath on my neck. I could almost start crying just at how oblivious he is to what this is doing to me. “Please.” I whimper, not looking at him. 

“Whats happened to you? Why are you pushing me away? I can’t deal with this, (Y/N).” I scoffed. He looked at me unconsciously pulling down my sleeves and slowly grabbed my arm gently. I close my eyes as he lifted the sweater’s sleeves up, not wanting to be reminded of how lonely and cold I was, laying on the forest ground hoping that someone would come and save me. I heard Stiles intake a sharp breath and trace my wounds slowly. “Does it hurt?” I nod and pull my arm away, opening my eyes. I saw Stiles’ eye welled up with tears. “Why didn’t you tell me? We’re meant to tell each other everything.”

“I tried to. But you had bigger things to deal with.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I called you. I thought I was about to die, and instead of calling my Derek, who’s taken me in to live with him, I called you first.”

“Whe- oh, (Y/N). I didn’t know.” I stood still, my head to the floor. “We had just saved Lydia from being killed by Jennifer. That was all I was focused on” 

“Yeah, well there you go. While Jennifer had Lydia, Deucalion had me. I think he was expecting one of you guys to come after me but… jokes on him I guess.” I force a laugh and Stiles shakes his head, angry with the situation. 

“Deucalion? Far out, you’re coming with me.” Stiles said and grabbed my hand, dragging me over to Scott’s bike before explaining everything to him. They both asked questions and when they saw how much it was getting to me Stiles said he’d drive me to Dereks. He said to forget about my car for tonight and he’d take me to school tomorrow. 

“Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” Stiles says once I sit on the bed and he stands by the door awkwardly. I take off my sweater leaving me in my singlet and all my wounds are visible besides my shoulders which Derek had bandaged up. I turn over and lay under the sheets letting out a sigh. I hear my door close and assume Stiles just left until i feel the bed dip and arms wrap around my waist. “I wont leave you lonely a second time”. 

Never ending battle with crystal meth

At first its fun. Or at least you think your having fun, what you don’t realize is your life is slowly falling apart all around you. You don’t quite understand yet how all the little mistakes your making because your high, will eventually add up to bigger mistakes. Then one day everything comes crashing down.
And you think to yourself what have I done…….
The sad part is everything is so fucked up you just wanna get high and not think about it all
So you do.
And then the cycle keeps repeating it’s self…
Until it’s the only life you no.

Hot & Bothered: Tom Holland x Reader

Reader and Tom are expecting a child and Readers hormones are through the roof. Tom eventually gets tired of having sex and hides😂

“Are you sure this is safe for the baby?” Tom asked as he spread your legs. “Totally, just hurry up.” You moaned. 

You threw head back on the pillow and smiled, “I needed that.” He panted and wiped the sweat from his forehead, “I’ve never seen you so horny on my life.”

“Well get used to it. I read that this little phase may last the whole pregnancy.”

He looked over at you, “Really?”, “Yeah, so I suggest you eat your vegetables and keep hitting the gym because Mama’s about to go in!” You clapped. He looked up at the ceiling and gulped.

Tom walked in the house from a nice workout at the gym. You heard the door open and close, “Oh Tom!” You yelled in a seductive voice. “Shit.” Tom whispered. “Yes love?”

“I need your help with something.” You said. “Don’t you always.” He mumbled and stripped off his clothes, already knowing the drill. 

For the past 3 weeks, you wanted sex and you wanted it every second of everyday. Tom wanted to object but had all kept the motto: Happy Wife, Happy Life in mind. 

“Do you think I look fat?” You asked him after the amazing sex. “What?”

“You heard me.” You snapped. “No, you look fine.”, “I feel like crap.” You felt yourself getting ready to cry. “Please don’t cry love.” He turned to you and caressed your cheek. After you had a little melt down you feel asleep. Tom sighed and carefully climbed out of the bed. He was aching all over and not because of the workout, because you wore him out. He turned on the hot shower and let the water relax his muscles, “What has my life become? I feel like a fucking escort for emotional pregnant woman.” He said washing his hair. 

After getting out of the shower, he went to bed. 

Tom and Haz were hanging out at Haz’s house., “So how’s Y/N?” He asked. “a hot mess.” He said taking a sip of beer. HAz laughed, “What do you mean?”

“She wants sex ALL the time!”, “And that’s a bad thing?”

“Yes, yes it is! My body hurts, my dick hurts. I-I don’t know what to do man!”

“So you mean to tell me Y/N literally wants sex, ALL THE TIME?”

Tom nodded and took a big gulp of his beer, “I can’t take it anymore!” Haz started laughing hysterically at his disgruntled friend. “You do look a bit tired.”

Tom rolled his eyes, “I think I might hide out here for a few days. Is that okay with you man?”

“Sure but when Y/N finds out, she’s not going to be happy.” Haz said. “Well she’s not going to be happy if my dick isn’t working.” Harrison laughed again. 

You paced the house in your maternity lingerie set, waiting for Tom to return. You texted him. 

“Jesus.” Tom groaned. “What?” He showed him the text: 🍑🍆💦💦💦

“Wow.”, “I know man.”

You were a bit worried because it had been over 5 hours and you hadn’t heard back from him. He decided to call and made up a lie, “Hey baby, I’m a bit drunk and don’t want to take the risk of driving-  I’m staying at Harrison’s tonight.”

“Awe, okay. Well I’ll miss you. Love you.” You hung up and sighed, walking over to your night stand. Nothing compared to the real thing, but you had to do it yourself.

Tom slowly opened the door and crept in the house. He sighed in relief when he saw that you were asleep on the couch. He walked past the couch and froze when he heard out stir, “Tom?” You called out.

He didn’t answer, he just stood there, “T-tom?” You called out again and fell back asleep. He continued to walk and fell onto the bed. 

You woke an hour later and heard that he was back, “Yeah man she was asleep thank God-” You carefully walked up the stairs and listened in. “I’m glad she was sleeping because I don’t think I can handle anymore of her intense sex cravings.”

“And the worst part is I don’t get anything. Shit, she hasn’t giving me a blowjob in months. I’m always the one giving.”

You cleared your throat causing him to jump, “Oh shit, Haz I-I’ll call you later.” He hung up. “Hey love-” He ran over to you and kissed your cheek. “SO you think I’m some sort of sex freak huh?”

“No, no I didn’t call you a nymphomaniac.” You gasped “But you were probably thinking it!” You stormed out of the room and he ran behind you. “I can’t believe you! So that was the reason you stayed over with Haz! You weren’t really drunk, were you?”

“No, not really.” He shrugged. “Wow, you know what how about you go FUCK YOURSELF!’ You yelled. You rubbed your stomach and carefully walked down stairs. “You can’t be mad at me! I love you but I can’t keep having sex every second of every damn day!”

“Well excuse me for baring your child.”, “Don’t do that. I didn’t ask you to get pregnant!” He stopped and slapped his forehead, “I-I didn’t mean it that way.”

You walked toward him and pressed your chest up against his, “You wanna know how I got pregnant? Because you wanted to have sex all the time. Sounds familiar doesn’t it?”

“Baby I didn’t mean it like that. I am really happy to be having this baby but I can’t keep having sex. My dick-it’s hurting just at the thought of-” He couldn’t explain himself. You sighed, “I guess I understand but I can’t help it. My body has changed and I honestly can’t stop getting turned on.”

He laughed, “Sorry for being so attractive.”, “Oh please. I watched Forrest Gump and got turned on. Don’t flatter yourself.”  You pushed him and walked into the kitchen. 

He wrapped his arms around you and kissed your cheek, “I’m sorry.”

“Your forgiven, just don’t do it again. Now make me something to eat, me and my baby are hungry.”

“What no sex?” He asked he kissed your neck, trying to get you riled up,”Nope.” 

“Wow and to think, I actually wanted to hav sex.” he shook his head and followed you. 

No how about fuck you. I’m sick of these condescending bullshit “jokes”. I’m sick of seeing the married men I know in real life get treated like fucking children by wives who actually think like this. It’s destructive in reality full grown adult men don’t take kindly to someone treating them like children, nevermind by the one person who should be on your side. When this attitude seeps into a marriage it’s like poisoning the ground water eventually everyone gets sick including any kids; who now have parents who fight all the time and have no real loving relationship anymore because they have no respect for each other. Then both parents end up taking their frustrations out on the kids. Imagine going to work all day and dealing with a tough job and a shitty boss then coming home to a place where nobody has any respect for you and treats you like a child. You either die inside or you lash out or both. I see it in so many marriages inside and outside my family and then people wonder why so many are getting divorced. This is why mgtow is a thing. Have some fucking respect.

anonymous asked:

Dating eggsy would include, please? (:

Dating Eggsy:

  • He acts like a super tough guy in public (but for reals he is though he could pick a fight with anyone and probably win) but when he’s with you he’s a huge softie.
  • Always has his arm around your waist, just so other people know you’re taken.
  • Michelle likes you a lot. You know she gets lonely ever since she finally got rid of Dean and has to take care of Eggsy’s baby sister, so you often go and visit her and help her out around the house, or just sit down and have a chat. 
  • He keeps his whole Kingsman life separate from you, because he doesn’t want you to get hurt by any of his enemies trying to use you against him. You find out eventually, because he tries to sneak into your shared apartment wearing his suit and you catch him.
  • “Why are you all dressed up?” “Um… because I want to?” “Eggsy, you are not the type of guy to just wear a suit because you want to.” “Alright, but you ain’t gonna believe me, love.”
  • You laugh when he first tells you, but then you realize he’s serious. He makes you promise not to tell, and you don’t.
  • You get really worried when he’s on a mission, but he always gives you a kiss and tells you he’s going to be alright.
  • Big on PDA. Sometimes he’ll just randomly come up behind you and wrap his arms around you, or kiss you on the cheek. Especially if you’re out and he seems someone getting a little to close to you, he’ll swoop in and kiss you in front of them.
  • Always letting you know he loves you. Like he’ll just blurt it out randomly when you’re both laughing over something, or as you’re falling asleep. 
  • Likes to cuddle when you’re falling asleep. Always holds you close to him.


Tell Her I Love Her (2x13 drabble)

Just a wee show-verse drabble (using the term loosely–100 words isn’t ever enough for me!) that I’ve been imagining since I saw the titles of the S2 deleted scenes several weeks ago and noticed

 “Tell her I love her” 

as the final one on the list. I’ve since learned it was NOT in fact having anything to do with the scenario I envisioned…but all the better, because now I get to write it! 

Check out @londonerbecky​‘s take on the same line if it were delivered by Murtagh, and one eventually from @suhailauniverse​ who imagined it being spoken by Jamie. Love that we all three came up with different ideas! 

My master list 

Tell Her I Love her (2x13 drabble)

“I will name him Brian… after your father.”

That made him smile and my heart broke again. 

Was this the last time I would see him smile?

He took me in his arms like—Jesus, God—like we were in the grand ballroom at Versailles. Dancing. 

“I love you,” I choked. My eyes darted frantically across his face, trying to capture his image, to burn him irrevocably into me, even as he was about to tear himself away, to fling me and our child into the void. I love you.”

He could barely speak. “And I—you—

Each step backward toward the stone was a death knell, my mind screaming, wailing. 

Jamie is going to die today.

Your Jamie will die today.

Jamie will be dead and—



“Jamie, tell—” I broke off. 

I couldn’t say it.

“Aye, mo chridhe?

I had to say it.

“Tell her—I love her.

He stared at me for a long moment….

…and then he understood.

“I’ll take good care of her, Claire.”

I threw myself forward and he held me just as tight, so hard that I thought I would break apart, as if I weren’t already on the verge of breaking. 

But there was the tiniest spark within me now.

Jamie would die today…

…but they would have each other. Jamie and Faith.

He pulled back and gently lifted my chin. He was crying, hard, and his voice shook…but I was given one more sight of Jamie Fraser’s smile, after all.  

“I canna wait to meet her.”