Je T’aime, Mon Cher Eddie
For @time-for-tozier who came up with this idea, I hope you like it!!
Eddie watched as the clock’s minute hand moved towards the number 12, making a ticking noise as it wet round. He was so fixated that he jumped when the bell rang, the cue for people around him to pack up and leave the room.
He slammed his yellow note book shut and shoved it, and his pencil, into his backpack, before running out of the classroom to meet up with the other losers.
He sprinted down the hallways, bumping into several people and nearly tripping twice, before he reached the door. He swung the door open and walked to the bike rack around the side of the school.
“Hey Eddie,” Ben called to him as he walked over.
“Hey guys,” Eddie took in the positions of his friends. Mike was sat on the ground, fiddling with his bike, it kept breaking. Ben was sat on a bench about a meter away from the bike rack, a book resting open on his lap. Beverly was sitting on her bike seat, hands already gripping the handlebars as if she was in a hurry to go. Bill and Stan were stood next to each other, however, Eddie noticed, much too close to be considered normal. And Richie, well, he was being his usual self. He was hung upside down on one the metal bannister of a nearby stair case, dark hair brushing the ground.
“Eds! You finally arrived!” Richie near shouted bouncing his way back over to the group. “Can we go now?”
The losers collectively rolled their eyes and grabbed their bikes, climbing on and cycling towards the woods.
Their was a field there that they had claimed as their new hangout. It was completely secluded and surrounded by trees. In the spring, the ground was covered in daisies, Richie loved it, and prided himself on making “the best daisy chains in Derry”. In the Summer and Autumn, the grass was green and soft. And in the Winter, the Loser’s decided to just hand out at each other’s houses instead, with the careful avoidance of the Tozier, Marsh and Kaspbrak residences.
They were all laying on the grass. Beverly had her head resting on Ben’s lap as he sat cross legged playing with her hair. Stan and Bill were laying shoulder to shoulder, Mike was spread out like a starfish, and Richie was resting his head on Eddie’s stomach.
They were peaceful.
“Richie, I couldn’t help but to notice that you were in my French class this morning.” Bev spoke up, breaking the silence.
She knew there had to be a reason behind his sudden appearance in the class. She knew that she took it so that one day, when she was old enough, she could move to France and never look back. She knew that Stan’s parents wanted him to focus more on his religion. She knew that Ben was already fluent in the language and didn’t need to take a class. She knew that Bill found it too hard because of his stutter. She knew that Mike and Eddie simply didn’t want to take the subject, seeing no reason for it.
So what was Richie’s reason?
“You take French?” Eddie chuckled, sitting up. “Since when?”
“Well, obviously since this morning dipshit. I already know how to say some stuff. Such as,” Richie cleared his throat. “Ta mère aime ça dans le cul.”
Bev’s head shot up. “Beep Beep Richie.”
“W-what did he say?” Bill asked.
“Do you really want me to tell you?” Bev whined. The rest of the group, bar Richie and Ben, nodded. She sighed. “He said “your mother likes it up the ass.”
Groans of “Richie”, and “really?” We passed around as Richie smirked.
“Hey Rich? Do you know anything that’s not rude?” Eddie asked.
“Umm yeah,” Richie replied. “Eddie, tu as de beaux yeux.” (You have beautiful eyes)
“What does that mean?”
“Ahh, my dear Eddie Spaghetti, that is a secret.”
“Don’t call me that. Bev? Can you tell me what he said?” Eddie asked Beverly, who was staring at Richie with a strange look on her face. She stared for a few more moments before turning to Eddie.
“Sorry Eddie, I don’t know what he said.”
The next morning Richie bounced into school with too much energy for 7am on a Tuesday.
“Good morning, mes petits choux.” He smiled, leaning his chin on Eddie’s head.
“Richie, if I may ask, why did you just call us ‘your little cabbages’?” Ben questioned.
“I did it because I felt like it.” Just then the bell rang for class.
“Um, Richie? Can I talk you you for a sec? In private?” Beverly asked. Richie nodded, he loved the girl like family, they both dealt with similar issues in their home lives. “Do you like Eddie? You know, as in like him?”
Richie blushed. “No, where did you get that idea?”
“You’re always hugging him, you never stop staring at him, and yesterday you told him, in French, that he had beautiful eyes.”
“You said you didn’t understand what I said!”
“Well I lied, I guessed that you didn’t really want me to tell him, otherwise you would have simply said it in English.” She sighed. “Richie, what’s the real reason you started taking French class? You know I’m not going to judge you.”
Richie sighed. “I’ve been dealing with so much at home and then I come to school and he,” Richie leant back against the wall. “He makes me feel safe, and, I dunno, loved I guess? I just wanted a way to tell him how I feel and explain what’s happening at home. But it was way too painful to say it all in English, so I thought it’d be easier to tell him in another language.”
“Oh, Richie.” Beverly wrapped him in a hug. “That’s so sweet.” Richie gave her a half smile, and they began walking to their first class, which happened to be French.
Eddie was just dozing off when he hears the taps at his window. At first he was scared that it was a leper, or a murderer, but he was assured it wasn’t when someone spoke up from behind the glass and curtains.
“Eddie? You awake?” Eddie pushed he covers off and got out of bed, he walked over to the window and opened the curtains.
The person at his window was Richie.
“C-can I come in?” Eddie could see the tears making their way steadily down Richie’s cheeks. He pushed the window open as quietly as he could and Richie clambered in.
“Rich, are you okay? What happened?” Instead of the answer Eddie knew he wasn’t going to get, Richie clutched him in a hug, openly sobbing.
Eddie guided Richie over to his bed and lates him down so that Richie’s head was resting above his heart. He never got answers, but he knew how to calm his best friend down. He liked listening to Eddie’s heartbeat, to confirm he wasn’t alone, and he like it when Eddie ran his fingers through his hair.
That’s exactly what Eddie was doing when Richie stopped crying and mumbled something.
“I’m sorry? I didn’t catch that.”
“Je t'aime. S’il te plaît, ne me quitte jamais.” (I love you. Please never leave me.)
Richie fell asleep soon after that, Eddie had no idea what the sleeping boy had said to him.
Over the next few months, Richie refused to stop talking in French whilst around Eddie. Beverly noticed he would constantly be blushing whenever Richie spoke the foreign words, in a thick accent. All of the Losers agreed that it was The only good impression Richie Tozier had ever done. During these months, Bev had to put up with Richie’s constant pining for Eddie.
She would always catch him calling Eddie a ‘magnifique petit tournesol’ (gorgeous little sunflower) or telling Eddie that he ‘avait l'air si mignon dans ce pull’ (looked so cute in that sweater’. He even said ‘Mon Amour.’ (My love) a few times
She was fed up of it. She knew without a doubt that Eddie had the same feelings towards Richie. So, during their 5th period geography class, Bev gave Richie a stern talking to.
“You need to tell him.”
“Eddie! You need to tell him how you feel! I’m like 99% sure he reciprocates your feelings.”
“Yes Bev, but what about the 1% hmm?” Beverly rolled her eyes, they spent the rest of the lesson in silence.
A few weeks passed and Richie and Eddie found themselves alone at Loser’s Meadow, as the gang had dubbed it, watching the sun set.
“Eddie, I’m about to ramble in French and you just need to listen, you don’t need to understand.”
Eddie furrowed his brow. “Oh, okay.” He secretly loved it when Richie spoke French, however, he’d never admit it.
“Vous ne comprenez pas un mot que je dis en ce moment, et honnêtement? Je pense que c'est une bonne chose.
(You don’t understand a word im saying right now, and honestly? I think thats a good thing.)
J'avais besoin d'un moyen de pouvoir te dire ce que je ressens sans que tu me détestes.
(I needed a way to be able to tell you how i feel without you hating me.)
Parce que je sais que tu ne m'aimes pas en retour. Qui pourrait m'aimer de retour? Je suis un morceau de merde sans valeur.
(Because I know you don’t love me back. Who could love me back? I’m a worthless piece of shit.)
Vous voyez, vous n'avez absolument aucune idée de ce que je dis. En ce moment, tes joues sont d'un rouge vif avec combien tu rougis, et ton sourire n'a jamais été aussi beau.
(See, you have absolutely no idea what I’m saying. Right now, your cheeks are bright red with how much you’re blushing, and your smile has never been more beautiful.)
Tant que je continue à sourire et à parler, ce regard restera sur votre visage. Je ne veux jamais que tu arrêtes de sourire.
(As long as I keep smiling and talking, that look will stay on your face. I never want you to stop smiling.)
Ok, maintenant pour la vraie merde.
(Okay, now for the real shit.)
Eddie Kaspbrak, je t'aime depuis que nous avons neuf ans. Vous avez toujours été mon refuge, pour les nuits où il n'est pas sûr de rentrer à la maison, ou j'en ai fini avec le monde.
(Eddie Kaspbrak, I have loved you since we were 9 years old. You have always been my safe haven, for nights when it isn’t safe to go home, or I’m just done with the world.)
Vous êtes la seule personne à qui je fais confiance. Sauf ça. C'est la seule chose que vous ne saurez jamais, parce que je sais que vous ne ressentirez jamais la même chose.
(You are the one person I trust everything to. Except this. This is the one thing that you’ll never know, because I know you’ll never feel the same.)
Je t'aime Eddie Kaspbrak, je t'aime.
(I love you Eddie Kaspbrak, I love you.)”
Eddie giggled. “What the hell did you just say?”
“Oh, um, just a very detailed description of your mom’s vagina. I can retell it in English if you’d like?”
“Beep beep Richie.” Eddie said whilst laughing, as Richie sat admiring him, a wistful expression on his face.
A few days later saw Richie climbing into Eddie’s window at 3am with a bust lip and a black eye and tears streaming down his cheeks.
Without having to ask, Eddie pulled him into his bed and wrapped his arms around the crying boy. Richie wouldn’t stop muttering something in French until he fell asleep.
“Je t'aime.” Eddie made himself a promise that he’d look those words up as soon as the library was open tomorrow.
As soon as Richie left the next morning, Eddie pulled on a Red sweatshirt, one of Richie’s that he’d left behind years ago, and some shorts. He ran out of the house, making sure to kiss his mother goodbye before he left, and raced to the library.
He walked in and asked the receptionist to point him towards the ‘languages’ section.
He grabbed himself the first French dictionary he could find and flipped straight to the ‘T’ chapter, he already knew that ‘Je’ mean ‘I’.
Eddie gasped when he read the meaning. He dropped the book, causing a loud thud, and ran straight for the exit. He clambered back onto his bike and sped down the streets. He knew where Richie would be. The out of use highway bridge. He would always go there on a Saturday to smoke, listen to The Smiths and get away from his Parents.
Eddie threw his bike down as soon as he arrived, taking a puff from his asthma inhaler. “Richie?” He called out.
“Eddie?” He looked up to see Richie sat on the bridge’s ledge, feet swinging backwards and forwards. Eddie began to run up the hill towards the dark haired boy, whilst said boy stumbled down towards him. They met halfway.
“Eds, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be babysitting your mother or something.”
“Je t'aime aussi.” Eddie stated, not even bothering to tell Richie off for calling him Eds.
“What?” Richie looked unsure of what he’d just heard.
“Je t’aime aussi.” Eddie took a breath. “I love you too.”
Richie wasted no time in pulling Eddie in by his waist, connecting their lips. Eddie fisted his hands in the collar of Richie’s shirt. They pulled away a few moments later, in need of air, and rested their foreheads together.
This felt right. This felt like home.