because of hilarious reasons

5

When the starting lineup is announced, Isco and Morata joke about their place on the “menu” {} | February 26, 2017

4

Markiplier Gothic

-The lucky flannel has returned. The lucky flannel will always return. You cannot seem to destroy the lucky flannel. No matter how many times you steal it and burn it in the woods behind your house, it always makes its way back to him. You have tried to warn him many times, warn him that the luck comes with a price, warn him that the flannel will one day demand that all debts are paid; he has not heard your warnings, or perhaps he is ignoring them. Either way, you sadly conclude, it is too late. He is too far gone now.
You stop trying to steal the lucky flannel.

-“Herb lore,” you hear one, solitary voice chirp. It is a voice you do not recognize.
“Herb lore.” Responds another.
A cacophony of voices suddenly surround you. “Herb lore, herb lore, HERB LORE!” They chant, although not quite in unison.
You do not know where these voices are coming from, nor do you remember when you started chanting with them. With each passing repetition, you forget a little more about the life you lived before herb lore. You keep chanting anyway.

- @markiplier uses a slightly different voice for approximately 4 and a half seconds in a video. By the time you click away and open a new tab, Tumblr has created a character out of this voice. They have named him Kevin. Kevin now has four ask blogs and twelve fan blogs, seven of which have some variant of the phrase “protection squad” in their usernames. One of them is dedicated solely to NSFW KevinxAntisepticeye fan fiction. It already has 300 followers.

-Every once and a while, you hear the Ancient Ones howling outside your window in the middle of the night. “COLA AND MEAL PLEASE, NO BREAD,” they shriek. You do not know what this means. You are too afraid to ask.

-“Markiplier’s fanbase is a bunch of 12 year olds,” you hear them say. You look around, but you can’t see any. You realize that you can’t remember the last time you saw a 12 year old at all. What does a 12 year old look like? How long have you been older than 12? Were you ever 12?
You turn to the person nearest to you. It is a middle-aged man. He has a wife and two children. He works in accounting.
“How old are you?” You ask.
“12,” he replies.
You scream.

-“Subscribe for More!” reads the cheerful font at the end of the compilation video. It is not a suggestion.

-A blonde woman in an alien-themed sweatshirt passes you in the grocery store. As she walks around your cart, her arm brushes against a six pack of Corona.
“I CAN’T DRINK THAT, OR I WILL LITERALLY DIE,” a voice booms, the noise crackling in the air like lightning. The woman glances at you and you nod, confirming that, yes, you heard it too.

-“Shares are a little low this month,” he tells you. Something about his tone fills you with a strange, primal fear. You share his videos with your friends. You share them with family. You write the URLS on pieces of paper and staple them to trees.
“Shares are a little low this month.”
You’re positive it’s a warning this time.

-You go on a date with Markiplier. “You look so familiar. Have we met?” he asks. You decide not to tell him that you have. You have done all of this before. You have always been on this date with Markiplier.
There are now two Markipliers. You are holding them both at gunpoint. You know that the one on the left is the real one, because you have done this before. You have always been doing this.
You shoot the one on the left anyway.
Afterwards, you go out for ice cream.
“Bonjour!” The man behind the counter smiles. His eyes are not yet filled with quiet desperation. He must not know about the time loop.
You go on a date with Markiplier.

Everyone, anywhere when Clay and Tony hang out together: “Awe you guys make such a cute couple!”

Tony: “Oh no we aren’t together. We’re not a couple.”

Clay: (offended): “Wow, you seem pretty insulted by that, what, I’m not good enough for you?”

Tony (confused but amused) “Clay you’re straight.”

Clay (smirking): “Am I?”

Tony (elated): “Oh, OH!”

4

My favorite thing about Boruto so far is the salt from certain Naruto fans over the fact that they DARED to have a minor female character (who was always known to be a heavy eater) gain weight as she aged. Like it’s seriously funny.

The Akatsuki’s Instagram feeds

What sort of content would the Akatsuki post if they had an Instagram? You can see their Tumblr posts here.

1. Pein

Pein likes to post images of quotes. Like the kind of “inspirational” text photos you see on the internet with pretty backgrounds and fancy fonts. All of the quotes are his. Some are a little disturbing. 

Currently has: 24 followers. 

2. Konan

Konan uses Instagram religiously. She posts everything: her origami, photos of nature, of Pein, of her bedroom. There’s even one of Kisame sleepwalking. She hashtags a lot, so she’s gained quite a few followers (she follows back almost everyone too). 

Currently has: 899 followers. 

3. Deidara

Posts his clay art with the hashtag #betterthansasoris on every single photo. No one really knows what it means. If people say it looks bad he argues back before reporting and blocking them as he doesn’t take criticism very well. People tend to follow him just for the hilarity of it.

Currently has: 1010 followers. 

4. Sasori

Doesn’t really post on instagram. He has about 4 photos posted. Three are of Hiruko. The other is of Deidara shaving his legs that he uses as blackmail.

Currently has: 100 followers, surprisingly. 

5. Kisame

His Instagram is aimed at promoting the organizations that help stop the illegal finning of sharks. Actually, there’s only one organization. It’s his. He doesn’t have too many followers (although there is one user named “suigethoes” who comments on EVERYTHING).

Currently has: 37 followers.

6. Itachi

Itachi posts baby photos of Sasuke. A lot. He posts at least once a day and often reposts photos because he doesn’t really have too many available. People adore them, though. Sasuke found the account once. He deleted his own account shortly after. 

Currently has: 900 followers. 

7. Hidan

Hidan has had around about 20 different accounts that have all been banned. He just keeps making more because he finds it hilarious. The reason being is that he posts very very gruesome photos of his sacrifices. He’s got a backlog of them so he doesn’t really ever run out of content. 

Currently has: 3 followers. But it fluctuates, obviously. 

8. Kakuzu

Kakuzu tried Instagram. Once. He tried to use it to have people donate money for his ‘medical bills’. When people asked him for proof he deleted his account and never went back.

Currently has: 0 followers. 

9. Tobi

Obito, under the disguise of Tobi, literally just posts photos of Deidara. It doesn’t even matter if they’re good or not. He’s got super pretty looking high resolution photos and super blurry close ups of Deidara eating. Deidara has reported the account many times but nothing ever gets done about it.

Currently has: 3000 followers. Deidara isn’t happy.

10. Zetsu

Zetsu either posts in bulk or doesn’t post for months. It depends which side of him is using it at the time. Black Zetsu never posts anything; White Zetsu posts photos of plants. He posted a close up of his flytrap once to see if anyone could tell it was him. No one could. He was ecstatic. 

Currently has: 102 followers. 

so i’m watching the magicians and what should pop up, but this establishing shot

of Havemeyer Hall, the lab building I work in, masquerading as a convalescent home?

The two ground floor windows on the far right are literally my lab? There’s a nonzero chance that whenever this shot was taken I was sitting on the other side of that window?

anyways, that’s weird

torchu325  asked:

Carl and Ted, I'd imagine that Scooby-Doo deadlines and budgets tend to be so tight that it's barely a one-and-done deal. How do you guys manage to make it work, and do you even have animation/artwork quality control? Because it's often hilarious for all the wrong reasons.

Ted the Animator: “You’re tellin’ me… I do what I can to keep things on track, but there’s only so much possible what with the inherent problems of the industry. And by ‘inherent problems,” I mean ‘Carl.”

Carl the Animator: “Hey!”

Ted the Animator: “I mean, by now, it’s no secret that half of my job is fixing your job.”

Carl the Animator: “I do, like, 90% of the creative stuff, though! Quick motion sequences and stuff! You’ve said yourself I’m better at styling frames for visual gags.”

Ted the Animator:When they don’t get too weird, I said. Big difference.”

Carl the Animator: “Come on, when does that ever happen?”

Carl the Animator: “…ok, well, maybe sometimes.”

Ted the Animator: “Class dismissed.”

Carl the Animator: “Y’know, you ain’t so perfect yourself, mister. I saw the way your end scene shot of Freddy looked.”

Ted the Animator: “I had to rush for the deadline! I didn’t notice the shot was slightly out of focus until too late.”

Carl the Animator: “…oh, it was out of focus?”

Ted the Animator: “Yes! I’ve admitted it, are you happy n–… wait… then what were you commenting on?”

Carl the Animator: “The fact that it looks like Freddy has a pierced ear.”

Ted the Animator: “…I… that was the accidental most-perfect placement for a piece of dust ever.”

Carl the Animator: “If it doesn’t become part of Freddy’s official character design next season, then I – much like Mr. Flibble – will be very cross.”

Scandal || Kim Namjoon

Originally posted by rapnamu

AN: So I know this was requested as an angst but it turned more into a fluff towards the end so I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 1.5k

Genre: Fluff


It was surprising to you when you had seen the headlines covering the news. Instead of worrying about what this would do to your image, or your groups image, the first thing you did was laugh as hard as possible. You found yourself holding your stomach as you read the many lines of the article, finding out how apparently you and a friend you had made were now a couple.

You had only gone out with Hyojung, aka E'Dawn from Tripe H, a day ago to go and get some coffee and chat about things happening in your lives. It was insane to you in the few hours you had returned home and gone to bed that this rumor had gone viral and spread all throughout the internet. As your fellow members of your group flicked on the television to one of the culture shows you watched they all started laughing.

Your eyes flickered to the screen and you laughed as well, seeing that it was now breaking the news about the meeting between you and Hyojung. DATING, was imprinted across the top of the screen with a giant question mark following it. You watched as the entertainer on screen continued to talk about how the many photos taken showed the two of you walking into the coffee shop together and chatting the entire time.

Keep reading

I’m not against political concepts being referenced or explored in video games

I just don’t want hot takes on current politics inserted into games for no real reason

Because A) that kind of thing would be hilariously out-of-date within weeks of release and B) I don’t know if there’s even a game studio who could even do that kind of subject matter remotely well

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

So if my math is correct, TODAY is the birthday of medblr @wheresonichedgehogwnt – and if my math is correct, AND it’s her birthday, then that’s two reasons to celebrate!

She likes and owns a derpy pony, so I encourage anyone to reblog this with their favorite horse/pony gif and wish her a happy birthday too!

Originally posted by somehulabaloo

are there any sniperpilot fics where K-2 gives a (rightly) terrified Bodhi the shovel talk?

because I suddenly find that I want that very much

Haikyuu!! Siblings Headcannon

So what if you had the captains as an older sibling?


Oikawa:

- Is probably that one sibling who you are just completely disgusted with all the time.

- Makes you watch reruns of old alien movies like War of the Worlds or The Day the Earth Stood Still. You don’t really like them and initially refuse, but Oikawa just looks so happy watching them so you can’t help but give in.

- Surprisingly protective, he is constantly texting you about your whereabouts and who you’re with. You play it off as though it’s annoying, but you really do appreciate the concern he has for you.

- When grocery shopping with your parents you run around the store with Oikawa in the cart basket, and when you eventually get busted by your parents Oikawa completely shoulders the blame.

- Every year for his birthday you make Oikawa his very own milk bread. It never fails to make him estatic. 

- Oikawa likes to brag about all of your achievements to his team mates.

- A complete doting brother

- You find yourself having very passionate conversations about Oikawa’s stupidity with Iwaizumi.


Kuroo:

- You and Kuroo like to go to the store to buy a bunch of different kinds of gel in hopes of taming Kuroo’s hair.

- Sometimes you like to play around with his hair; turning it into a mohawk or just gelling it down

- Just like your older brother, you like to rile people up and provoke them, consequently getting into a lot of trouble

- Also like Kuroo you have a love for chemistry, thus you text each other using the abbreviations from the periodic table to form words.

- When you fight, it’s just you two throwing snarky comments at each other until the other is so mad that they just storm away.

Though you frequently get on his nerves, Kuroo is always looking out for you and helps you out of sticky situations.

- When walking home from practice, you and Kuroo like to take turns bothering Kenma as he tries to play on his PSP


Bokuto:

- When you and Bokuto are together there is no piece, you’re just as loud and outgoing as him

- When Bokuto’s mood is so bad, even Akaashi has to get you to cheer him up 

- You often dare each other to do stupid stuff like jump from a roof to a tree or scream something really loud on the train.

- Akaashi finds himself frequently babysitting the two of you

- When you’re lost in a crowd and he can’t find you Bokuto hoots and you hoot back to locate each other

- Surprisingly you and Bokuto like to watch horror films, because for some reason you both find them hilarious

- There is no end to the puns when you, Bokuto, and Kuroo hang out

- As unreliabale as he seems you find yourself often being taken care of Bokuto

- When your sick Bokuto swamps you with blankets, ice cream, and chicken noodle soup


Ushijima:

- Though you frequent his practices and attend all of his games you and Ushijima don’t interact much

- When you do, you to are often discussing a book or talking about volleyball

- Every Sunday morning you two take a jog together, you don’t speak but rather just enjoy each other’s presence. 

- When you are being bothered by guys, Ushijima has the uncanny ability to suddenly appear and scare them off with just a glance

- Tendou frequently asks you out but everytime you are about to answer Ushijima shows up and tells Tendou he needs to go to practice

- When you have the time, Ushijima asks you to set some balls for him

- With your complicated home life you and Ushijima are super close though it may not seem that way

- He is indefinitely there for you no matter what

- You secretly appreciate Ushijima’s left handedness because it makes him special


Daichi:

- You two have to be the most kind duo there has ever existed, you both don’t hesitate to help people

- You strive to be as dependable as Daichi, thus you tutor people, make your brother’s lunches, and aid someone when they need the help

- You two often like to take walks in parks talking about volleyball or his troublesome teammates

- Like you brother, you are a natural leader and have the ability to motivate people

- Though you two don’t really interact you are there to support him at every game.

- When Daichi losses a match, you often have him aggressively practice with you

- You depend on each other for stability, because neither of you are the better sibling


Hey! This is my first headcannon, so feel free to request any ideas you want to see written out. I’m up for anything!

anonymous asked:

do u have opinions on davepetasprite^2 as a conclusion to davesprites character arc?

as an archival reader, i caught up at exactly the upd8 where davepetasprite^2 became a thing, and my first reaction was to laugh. i mean, it was pretty funny. the existence of davepetasprite^2 means a lot for character development and themes and all that, but it’s also important to acknowledge that part of the reason it happened was because it was hilarious. i’m about to delve into all its “serious” meanings, but i wanted to mention that first because i think sometimes when we read/write meta we ignore humor in considering the structure and rationale of the story. comedy is really hard to write, and in homestuck, layers of comedy are constructed as skillfully and intricately as layers of theme.

that being said, davepetasprite^2 represents an abrupt character shift for both davesprite and nepetasprite. their characters and personalities fused, and somehow, the combination left them happy and fulfilled. that’s because the majority of davesprite’s problems were countered by certain elements of nepetasprite’s personality, and likewise, many of nepetasprite’s struggles were improved by certain elements of davesprite’s character.

before the transformation, davesprite was upset about being left behind, not being the “alpha” dave, and his inability to live up to the heternormative masculine ideals that shaped his upbringing. his frustration at his situation turns into self-hatred which he channels outward as anger. this (and a number of other factors) slowly poison his relationships. his fear of emotional honesty makes dealing with these issues even harder.

also, before the transformation, nepetasprite was overwhelmingly sad and lonely. she died under tragic circumstances, and before that, she spent much of her screentime feeling sidelined. she feels useless and ineffective because she was unable to save equius or herself, and she feels unwanted because of her unrequited romantic feelings. she spends her free time imagining her friends’ romantic pursuits as a substitute for her lack of a love life — in her conversation with jasprose, she admits wistfully that she’s never been on a date or even had anyone like her before.

but becoming davepeta makes davesprite and nepetasprite happy with themselves for the first time in a long while.

toxic masculinity and heteronormativity is a major theme in homestuck, and davesprite’s internalized homophobia leads him to construct his identity around that. but when his identity combines with a girl who has made her desire for romantic relationships — with a specific focus on guys, esp. karkat — a huge center of her life, he is forced to confront and absorb the parts of his identity he doesn’t want to acknowledge. in their new nonbinary self, davepetasprite^2 is free to cast off harmful gender roles.

earlier i mentioned that davesprite’s frustration often manifests as anger directed outward. but (PLEASE correct me if i’m wrong!) nepeta never outwardly expresses any kind of serious anger or aggressive emotion that i can recall… except for when she realizes that equius had been murdered and her fury is so strong that that she dies trying to get revenge. that’s a pretty big contrast! nepeta hints that she wishes she wasn’t so shy and timid, that was the kind of person who could get angry about things, and she even states that what she likes about karkat is his ability to express anger:

i should mention that many people, including myself, don’t believe that anger is a purely bad emotion. anger can make people do bad things, but anger also motivates oppressed groups to fight for their rights. it’s like a knife: you can use it to stab someone, or you could make them a meal. in homestuck, anger has a complex role. for example, rose succumbs to her anger and goes grimdark, which is bad for her; but john breaking his cheery facade and expressing anger is a positive sign for his emotional development.

nepeta(sprite)’s lack of anger makes her kind and sweet but leaves her lonely and dissatisfied, and davesprite’s surplus of anger at his situation is justified but leaves him with self-hatred. in becoming davepeta, their impulses balance out.

i think that davepetasprite^2′s introduction into the story tells us a lot about nepeta and davesprite and provides a strong conclusion to their character arcs — it was a very deliberate, meaningful choice, and i like it. but at the same time, it’s still kinda unsatisfying, because we never get to see them work to solve their emotional issues.

in real life, we don’t get randomly fused with exactly the right person to fix all the problems we’re not ready to confront. despite the fantastical events throughout the narrative, most if not all of homestuck’s other characters have to resolve their internal conflicts through organic means. for example, rose may be an immortal godtier seer of light, but she can’t just magically “see” an easy way to overcoming her alcoholism. the introduction of davepetasprite^2 is interesting and clever, but personally i don’t think it’s a great move in terms of storytelling.

…but then again, if we didn’t have davepeta, we wouldn’t have this:

so i guess we should count our blessings :P