because now i have to go to work bye

history of the entire world, i guess; a transcript

hi. you’re on a rock, floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it’s water. fuck it, actually most of it’s water. i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you. how did this happen? a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn’t happen. nothing was never anywhere. that’s why its been everywhere. it’s been so everywhere, you don’t need a “where”. you don’t even need a “when”. that’s how “every” it gets. (pause). forget this. i wanna be something, go somewhere, do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it’s possible because everything is here and it probably already happened. i just don’t know when to start. and that’s exactly where it started. (background noise) woah. i… paused it. i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that’s a thing, in a place. don’t like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it’s not empty yet. it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees. (about no seconds later). great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three called a “proton” or a “neutron”. and there’s something else flying around too that wants to join in but can’t cause it’s still to (HOT). (about ten minutes later). great news! the protons and the neutrons are now happily married to each other (some of them even doubled up). (about 380,000 years later). great news, the electrons have now joined in. congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space. but it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together. it’s a staaaar. new shit just got made. some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. space dust! which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into even crazier space dust. so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example. holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks, and it kinda made a mess. which is now the moon. weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space. weather update: those rocks might’ve had water inside them and now there’s Hot Steam in the sky. weather update: cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava. weather update: its raining. severe flooding alert: the entire world is now an ocean. volcano alert: that’s land. there’slifeintheocean. what? something’s alive in the ocean. oh cool, like a plant or an animal? no. a microscopic speck! it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever. oh yeah, and it can do that. it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that’s pretty nifty, i would say. tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? now you can eat sunlight. using a revolutionary technique you can convert sunlight into food. taste the sun. side effect: now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky’s blue. then the earth might’ve been a snowball for a while, maybe even a coupla times. it’s a sponge, it’s a plant, it’s a worm and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish. it’s the Cambrian explosion. “wow, that’s animals and stuff.” but we’re still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land? NoO. why? the sun is a deadly lazer. oh okay. not anymore there’s a blanket. now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land! “nope, can’t walk yet. and there’s no food yet so i don’t care.” (100 million years later) ok, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here? “maybe,” said some bugs, and fish. “uh. uh. uh.” (five million years later) “ok so i can go on land but i have to go back in the water to have babies.” (idea) learn to use an egg. “i was already doing that.” use a stronger egg, and put water in it, have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg, baby, in the water, in the egg. works for me. bye bye ocean. aaand now everything is huge. including bugs. wanna see a map of the land? sure. ah fuck, now everything’s dead. just kidding here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one because its about to become the dinosaurs. here’s another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart, don’t worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor. and the dinosaurs are gone. its mammal time! here come the mammals. look at those breasts. now they’re gonna dominate the world, and one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like ‘that’. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make… pointed rocks. “ouch.” and set things on fire. “yeouch.” and make crazy sounds with their voice (“gneurshk.”) which can mean different things. that’s a human person. and now they’re everywhere, almost. ice age. what? you can walk over here? cool. not anymore. i guess we’re stuck here now.

let’s review. there’s people on the planet. and they’re chasing their food. fuck it, time to plant some grass. look at this, i control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let’s all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food. this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this. tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it’s underground. better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. guess what happens next. more food, and more people who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in, and people to make the houses. and now there’s more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come. and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people. and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power. sociiiety. coming soon to a dank river valley near you. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing bronze, made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land. i don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it. also, guess what - egypt. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we’re getting somewhere. also, china. and did i mention indusrivervalleycivilization. norte chico. the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it’s in the middle of the east. knock knock- er, clop clop, it’s the people with the horses? and they made an empire! and then everyone else copied their horses. greeks! ah look, it must be the greeks, or a beta version of the greeks. let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization. they’re gone. guess who’s not gone? china. new arrivals in india. maybe it’s thosehorsepeopleiwastalkingabout or theircousinsorsomething. and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff. you could make a religion out of this. there’s the bronze age collapse. now the phoenicians can get down to business. also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find? thanks. look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel. and they believe in god. just one though, he’s got like a ten step program. here’s some huge heads, must be the olmec. the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. here comes the assyrian empire. nevermind it’s the babylonian- median- it’s the persian empire. “wow, that’s big.” ah, the buddha was just enlightened! who’s the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying. you could make a religion out of this. oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff. and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it’s a great idea, he was…great. and now he’s dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. knock knock, it’s chandragupta, he says, “get the hell out of here, will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? ok thanks bye; time to conquer all of india- or most of india”. but what about this part? that’s the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they’ve got spices. who would like to buy the spices? “me,” said the arabians, swiftly buying them and selling them to the rest of the world. hey, china put itself back together again with good morals as their main philosophy. actually they have three main philosophies. out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload! “bye,” said the parthians, “bye,” said the jews. “hi,” said the parthians, taking over the entire place. “heyyyyyyyy,” said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. “thanks for invading our homeland,” said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. “hi, everything’s great,” said some guy who seems to be getting very popular, and then gets arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this. want silk? now you can buy it from china! they just made a brand new road to the world…or you can get there on water. “sick, new trade routes,” said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom. there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again. “remember the persian empire? yup,” said the persians, making a new one. axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick. has anyone populated madagascar yet? let’s do it together. china is whole again…then it broke again. still can’t cross the sahara desert? try camels. “hell yeah, now we’ve got business,” said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves. “hi i live in the roman empire and i was wondering, is loving jesus legal yet?” “no” “actually ok sure,” said constantine, moving the capitol way over here to be closer to his main rival. don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall. it’s the golden age of india. there’s the gupta empire. not chandragupta, just gupta, first name chandra, the first. guess who’s in rome? barbarians. what’s a barbarian? “non-romans,” said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. or actually, just half is just fine. but it’s not in rome anymore so let’s give it a new name. the mayans have figured out the staaars. oh, and here’s a huge city, population everyone. the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks. how’s india? broken. how’s china? back together. how’s those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there’s more of them. korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.

deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad’s ear, so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods, and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this. and maybe conquer the world as well. the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus there’s new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there’s room for moors. here’s all the wisdom, in a house. it’s the baghdad house of wisdom, just in time for the islamic golden age. “let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast,” said the swahili on the swahili coast. remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now. wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. “surprise, you’re the new roman emperor,” said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france. the northerners, or just norse if you don’t have that much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north, and they find some land. two types of land, and they name them accordingly. they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as vikings. there’s the rus, the kievan rus. are they vikings? “i don’t think so,” said the kievan rus. ok, fair enough. the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire, the holy roman empire. it’s actually germany but don’t worry about it. new kingdoms! christianizeallthekingdoms. which brand would you like? “mine’s better,” “mine’s better,” “mine’s better”. “time to conquer england,” said william. it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the seljuk turks. “ahh!” said the byzantine empire, who’s getting so small it almost doesn’t exist anymore, “we need help!” they need help, so they call the pope. “hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you wanna take back the holy land.” “yes, i do actually want to do that. let’s do a crusade.” crusade. they did many crusades, some of which almost didn’t fail, but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals. goodbye mayans. hello toltecs, goodbye toltecs, hello mississippi. look at those mounds. there’s the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff. guess who’s here? khmer. where? here, and pagan is there, and vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis. i bet that will last a long time! some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india. is it tonga time? i think it’s tonga time. i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold. look at this chad (means lake), there’s an empire there, right in the middle of africa. the king of mali is so rich he’s going on tour to let everyone know. “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said. the christians are doing a great job of conquering iberia which will soon be called spain and not spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you are still christian when you least expect. whoops, half of europe just died. ming. china’s back, yay. hey khmer, time to share, new kingdoms here and there. oh look who controls all the islands, its the mahajapit. majahapit, mapajahit, mahapajit, mapajahit, majapahit? oh, italy’s really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it’s kinda like a rebirth. here’s a printer, lets make books. so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? “yep,” said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. whoops, you missed a spot; don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade. “what? that’s bullshit,” said portugal, spiceless. well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india. “wait,” said christopher colombus, probably smoking crack, “if the world is round, lets go this way to india!” “nah, don’t worry we already got this,” said portugal. so chris goes to spain. “hey spain, wanna hire me to go find india by going around back of the world?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.” “please?” “ok.” so he sails into the ocean, and discovers more ocean, and then discovers ‘the indies’ and ‘japan’. let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent. the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other. move over lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again. move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again. let’s make it the other kind of islam, the one where we thought the first guy should’ve been the other guy. hey christians, do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell. “that’s bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that’s a scam, fuck the church, here’s 95 reasons why,” said martin luther, in his book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation. “you know what would be magnificent?” said suleiman, wearing an onion hat, “what if the ottoman empire was really big, which it is now.”  “what if russia was big,” said ivan, trying not to be terrible. portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade, and then that dream was real. and spain realised that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. “damn,” said england and france, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam. “damn,” said amsterdam, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” question one: can you get to india through north america? no, but at least there’s beaver. question two: steal the spice trade. that’s not a question but the dutch did it anyway. sugar. guess where all the sugar’s made? in brazil. stolen! in the carribean, and it’s so goddamn profitable you might forget to not do slavery. the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger. britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world, more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss? yes they did, it’s britain. guess who’s broke? also britain. so they start taxing the hell out of america.

“fuck you,” says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it. france helps them win, now france is broke. and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. wait if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? “let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. you could make a reli- no don’t. haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. “why didn’t we think of this before?” wait, who’s in charge of france now? “me,” said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back. luckily, they banished him to another island. there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin america wars of independence. britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains, and conquer india and maybe put some trains there. “hey china,” said britain, “buy stuff from us.” “nah, dude we already got everything,” says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked actually, but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy-fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afganistan. also the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now, that’s just where he lives. india had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. “nope,” said britain, governing them even harder than before. technology is about to go crazy. the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. “it’s bad,” they decided. and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land, and maybe kick out the mexicans too. “i know, let’s rape africa,” said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia.  britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand. the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more. hawaii. cuba. wait spain controls cuba. “well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on them? let’s blame the maine on spain!” so they blame the maine on spain. now we’re in business. to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go. china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government. europe hasn’t had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns. it’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one. after it’s over, they blame germany. russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government. now everyone’s paycheck is the same. communism, in the soviet union. the arabs revolt, and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won’t mind. “let’s cut the cake,” said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire. except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey. and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do. hello? yes, it’s the 1920s calling. let’s get in a car and drive to a party and listen to the jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy’s great and it’ll probably be great forever. just kidding. germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model. he’s mad at the jews for existing. japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it. hitler’s out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all the jews is a bad idea, but he kills himself before they could explain it to him. that’s world war two. bonus round: pacific showdown, united states versus japan. fight! finish him. let’s unite all the nations and have some world peace. seems legit. “hi i’m gandhi and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india i’m going to starve myself in public. wow, that worked?” bonus: now there’s pakistan. actually two pakistans. one of them can be bangladesh later. the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. “me”, they both said at the same time. “let’s divide up the land so everyone’s happy.” sike! they both get angrier. look out china, there’s a new china in china. what’s on the menu? communism! “no thanks,” said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china. there’s the korean war, korea versus korea, nobody wins, then it’s on pause forever. let’s meet the sponsors. oh, it’s the two global superpowers. they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. fight! wait no that would be the end of the world. let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs. “i’ll race you to space. now let’s make some more countries fight themselves.” europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here’s a new map, with new countries. now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by. the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it. let’s check the world population. woah. okay. technology’s better too, that might keep happening. the soviet union decides to relax a little and accidentally falls apart. europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money; except britain because they don’t feel like it. let’s check the mail. surprise! it’s on the computer! whoops, someone just attacked america, i bet they’ll remember that. phone call, surprise, it’s in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise, it’s on the computer! now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket. whoops, the economy just crashed. don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail, because they’re not supposed to. surprise, flying robots! with bombs. wanna print a brain? some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic. “let’s save the planet,” said everybody, not knowing how. “let’s invent a thing inventor,” said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor. that’s pretty cool. by the way, where the hell are we?

psychic: reads my mind
me: hi, you’re on a rock floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it’s water. fuck it. actually, most of it’s water. i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
a long time ago… actually, never. and also now. nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn’t happen. nothing was never anywhere. that’s why it’s been everywhere. it’s been so “everywhere,” you don’t need a “where.” you don’t even need a “when.” that’s how “every” it gets.
forget this. i wanna be something. go somewhere. do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it’s possible because everything is here, and it probably already happened. i just don’t know when to start.
and that’s exactly where it started.
big bang— pause
woah. i paused it. i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that’s a thing! in a place! don’t like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together, because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it’s not empty yet! it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees.
about no seconds later
great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three, called a “proton” and a “neutron.” and there’s something else flying around that wants to join in, but can’t cause it’s too HOT.
ten minutes later
great news! the protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other! some of them even doubled up.
about 380,000 years later
great news! the electrons have now joined in. congratulations! the world is now… a bunch of gas in space. but it’s getting closer together…
ten million years later
and it’s getting closer together…
500 million years later
and it’s getting closer togeth—
star is born
it’s a star
new shit just got made!
some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit.
space dust!
which allows for newer and more interesting stars to be made, and then die and explode into even crazier space dust!
so now, stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example.
meteor hits earth
holy shit, we just got hit by another ball of flaming rocks. and it kind of… made a mess. which is now the moon
weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space.
weather update: those rocks might’ve had water inside of them and now there’s hot steam in the sky.
weather update: cooler temperatures today and the floor is no longer lava.
weather update… it’s raining.
severe flooding alert, the entire world is now an ocean.
volcano alert.
that’s land!
there'slifeintheocean
what?
something’s alive in the ocean
oh, cool. like a plant, or an animal? no! a microscopic speck. it lives in the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup, which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients left over from when it was raining rocks or whatever.
microscopic speck asexually reproduces
oh yeah, and it can do that.
reproduces three more times
it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that’s pretty nifty, i would say.
tired of living at the bottom of the ocean?
now you can eat sunlight!
using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food.
taste the sun!
side effect, now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky is blue.
then the earth might’ve been a snowball for a while. maybe even a couple of times.
it’s a sponge… it’s a plant… it’s a worm, and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish.
it’s the Cambrian explosion: “wow, that’s animals and stuff”
but we’re still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land?
NO
why?
the sun is a deadly laser
oh okay.
not anymore, there’s a blanket
now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land!
“nope, can’t walk yet.”
“and there’s no food yet, so i don’t care.”
100 million years later
okay, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here?
“maybe,” said some bugs. and fish.
fish gasps for air
five million years later
okay, so i can go on land, but i have to go back in the water to have babies!
idea: learn to use an egg.
“i was already doing that”
use a stronger egg. put water in it. have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg. baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg.
works for me. bye bye ocean
50 million years later
and now everything’s huge. including bugs.
wanna see a map of the land? sure.
Permian extinction
oh, fuck, now everything’s dead.
just kidding, here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one, because it’s about to become
75 million years later
the dinosaurs.
here’s another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart. don’t worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor.
meteor strikes
and the dinosaurs are gone
it’s mammal time, here come the mammals. look at those breasts.
now they’re gonna dominate the world, but one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like that. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make pointed rocks.
“ouch”
and set things on fire.
“yeouch”
and make crazy sounds with their voice:
“gneurshk”
which can mean different things.
that’s a human person!
and now they’re everywhere. almost.
ice age!
what? you can walk over here? cool.
not anymore
well i guess we’re stuck here now.
let’s review: there’s people on the planet. and they’re chasing their food.
fuck it. time to plant some grass.
look at this. i get to control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let’s all build houses, except mine is bigger because i own the food.
this is great! i wonder if anyone else is doing this.
tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it’s underground.
better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping.
guess what happens next?
more food. and more people, who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses and now there’s more people and they invent things which makes things better and more people come and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power,
Society
coming soon to a dank river valley near you.
meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed.
why is all my metal so lame and lumpy?
tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing: bronze. made from special ingredient tin from the far lands of Tin Land. i dunno, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it. also, guess what?
egypt
meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we’re getting somewhere. also,
china
and did i mention
indus river valley civilization
society count: 5

norte chico
the middle east is getting more complicated. maybe because it’s in the middle of the east.
knock knock, er, clop clop. it’s the… people with the horses? and they made an empire. and then everyone else copied their horses.
greeks!
ah look, it must be the greeks! er, a beta version of the greeks.
let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization: they’re gone. guess who’s not gone? china.
new arrivals from india… maybe it’s those horse people i was talking about… or their cousins or something…
and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff…
you could make a religion out of this.
there’s the bronze age collapse.
now the phoenicians can get down to business
also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find? thanks.
look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel.
and they believe in God
just one though, and he’s got like a ten-step program.
here’s some huge heads. must be the olmecs.
the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies.
here comes the assyrian empire. never mind, it’s the babyloni— media—
it’s the Persian Empire: “wow, that’s big”
enlightenment
ah, the buddha was just enlightened. who’s the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying. you could make a religion out of this.
oops, china just broke. but while it was breaking, confucius was figuring out how to have good morals.
enlightenment
ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff.
and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it’s a great idea. he was… great. and now he’s dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them.
knock knock, it’s chandragupta. he says “get the hell out of here. will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? okay, thanks, bye”
time to conquer all of india
er
most of india
but what about this part? that’s the tamil kings. no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they’ve gotspices!
who would like to buy the spices? “me!” said the arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world.
hey, china put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy. actually, they have three main philosophies:
confucianism: have good morals
taoism: go with the flow
legalism: fuck you, obey the law
out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city.
nomads ransack china
let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload.bye, said the parthians. bye, said the jews. hi, said the parthians, taking over the entire place.
heyyyyy, said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. “thanks for invading our homeland,” said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland.
“hi, everything’s great,” said some guy who seems to be getting very popular and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which actually makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this.
want silk? now you can buy it from china. they just made a brand new road to the world.
conquers vietnam
or you can get there on water
“sick! new trade routes!” said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast.
hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom.
there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again.
remember the persian empire? yep, said the persians, making a new one.
axum is getting so powerful, they would like to build a long stick.
has anyone populated madagascar yet? let’s do it together.
china is whole again…
…then it broke again
still can’t cross the sahara desert? try camels.
“hell yeah! now we’ve got business,” said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold. and slaves.
“hi, i’m a member of the roman empire, and i was wondering
is loving jesus legal yet?”
“no”
“actually, okay sure,” said constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his main rival. don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall.
it’s the golden age of india
there’s the gupta empire, not chandragupta, just gupta. first name chandra. the first.
guess who’s in rome? barbarians. what’s a barbarian? “non-romans,” said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. actually just half of it, the other half is just fine, but it’s not in rome anymore, so let’s give it a new name.
the mayans have figured out the stars
oh, and here’s a huge city, population: everyone.
the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks.
how’s india? broken. how’s china? back together.
how’s those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there’s more of them.
korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.
intermission
deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad’s ear. so, he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this, and maybe conquer the world as well.
the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus, there’s new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there’s room for moors.
here’s all the wisdom. in a house. it’s the baghdad house of wisdom! just in time for the islamic golden age!
“let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast,” said the swahili on the swahili coast.
remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now.
wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?
the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. “surprise! you’re the new roman emporer!” said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not-france.
the northerners, er, just “norse” if you don’t have much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north. and they find some land— two types of land!— and they name them accordingly.
prankd
they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as “vikings.”
there’s the rus! the kievan rus! are they vikings? “i don’t think so,” said the kievan rus. okay, fair enough.
the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire. the holy roman empire! it’s actually germany, but don’t worry about it. new kingdoms—
CRISTIANIZE ALL THE KINGDOMS!!
which brand would you like?
“mine’s better”
“mine’s better”
“mine’s better”
“time to conquer england,” said william.
it’s a bird! it’s a plane! it’s the seljuk turks!
“aah!” said the byzantine empire, who’s getting so small and almost doesn’t exist anymore. “we need help!” they need help! so they call the pope.
“hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you want to take back the holy land.”
“yes, i do actually want to do that. let’s do a crusade.”
crusade!
they did many crusades. some of which almost didn’t fail. but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals.
goodbye mayans. hello toltecs! goodbye toltecs. hello mississippi! look at those mounds.
there’s the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.
guess who’s here? khmer. where? here! and pagan is there. vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government.
china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis! i bet that will last a long time.
some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india.
is it tonga time? i think it’s tonga time.
i just figured out where the swahili gets all of their gold.
look at this chad! it means “lake.” there’s an empire there! right in the middle of africa!
the king of mali is so rich, he’s going on tour to let everyone know. “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said.
the christians are doing a great job reconquering iberia, which will soon be called spain and not-spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you’re still christian when you least expect.
whoops, half of europe just died.
ming! china’s back, yay!
hey, khmer. time to share. new kingdoms, here and there.
oh, look who controls all of the islands. it’s the mahajapit.
majahapit.
mapajahit.
mahapajit.
mapajahit.
ma-ja-pa-hit?
oh, italy’s real rich. time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it’s kinda like a rebirth.
here’s a printer. let’s make books!
so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? yep, said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. oops, you missed a spot. don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade.
“what? that’s bullshit,” said portugal, spiceless.
“well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india”
“wait!” said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack. “if the world is round, let’s go this way to india.”
“nah, don’t worry, we already got this,” said portugal.
so chris goes to spain. “hey spain, wanna hire me to find india by going around back of the world?”
“no”
“please?”
“no”
“please?”
“wtf”
“no”
“please?”
“…okay”
so he sails into the ocean, and discovers… more ocean. and then discovers the indies, and japan! let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world.
the aztec and the inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent.
the hapsburgs are marrying into so many royal families, they might have to start marrying each other.
move over, lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again.
move over, timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again.
let’s make it the other kind of islam. the one where we thought the first guy should’ve been the other guy.
hey, christians! do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell!
“that’s bullshit. this whole thing is bullshit. that’s a scam. fuck the church. here’s 95 reasons why,” said martin luther, in his new book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation.
“you know what would be magnificent?” said suleiman wearing an onion hat. “what if the ottoman empire was… really big?” which it is now.
“what if russia was big?” said ivan, trying not to be terrible.
portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade. and then that dream was real.
and spain realized that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. “damn,” said england and france. “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” then the dutch revolt, and all the hipsters moved to amsterdam. “damn,” said amsterdam. “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.”
question one: can you get to india from north america? no, but at least there’s beaver.
question two: steal the spice trade. that’s not a question, but the dutch did it anyway.
and sugar… guess where all of the sugar is made? in brazil! stolen! in the caribbean! and it’s so goddamn profitable, you might forget to not do slavery.
the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger.
britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world. more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven-year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss? yes they did! it’s britain.
guess who’s broke? also britain! so they start taxing the hell out of america. “fuck you!” says america, declaring their independence and fighting for it, and france helps them win. now france is broke, and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent.
wait, if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses?
“let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s heads off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.
you could make a rel— no, don’t.
haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. “why didn’t we think of this before?”
wait, who’s in charge of france now? “me,” said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back!luckily, they banished him to another island.
there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin american wars of independence.
britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains. and conquer india and maybe put some trains there.
“hey, china!” said britain. “buy stuff from us!” “nah, dude, we already got everything,” says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked, actually. but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island.
britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop the other person from conquering afghanistan.
also, the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now:“that’s just where he lives.”
india just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. “nope,” said britain, governing them even harder than before.
incoming telegram: HI I JUST SENT YOU A MESSAGE THRU A WIRE
technology is about to go crazy!
the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. it’s bad, they decided, and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the mexicans too.
“i know! let’s rape africa!” said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia…
britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand…
the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more:
hawaii!
cuba!
wait, spain controls cuba.
well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on spain?
u.s.s. maine sinks
“let’s blame the maine on spain.”
so they blame the maine on spain.
now we’re in business.
to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans.
britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go…
china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and is controlled by a guy from the previous government.
europe hasn’t had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns! it’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one. after it’s over, they blame germany.
russia went on strike, and the workers overthrew the government. now, everyone’s paycheck is the same. communism in the soviet union…
the arabs revolt and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won’t mind.
“let’s cut the cake!” said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore-empire.
except turkey! turkey makes a brand new turkey!
and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do.
phone rings
hello? yes, it’s the 1920’s calling. let’s get to a car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy is great and it will probably be great forever. just kidding.
germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model, and he’s mad at the jews for existing.
japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited, they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it.
hitler’s out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all of the jews is a bad idea. but he kills himself because they could explain it to him. that’s world war two!
bonus round! pacific showdown
united states vs. japan
FIGHT!!
united states drops two extinction balls on japan
FINISH HIM!
let’s unite all the nations and have some world peace! seems legit.
“hi, im gandhi, and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india, i’m going to starve myself in public.”
britain leaves
“wow, that worked?”
bonus! now there’s pakistan. actually two pakistans, one of them can be bangladesh later.
the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. “me!” they both said at the same time. let’s divide up the lands so we’re both happy. SIKE! they both get angrier!
look out, china! there’s a new china in china. what’s on the menu? communism! no thanks, said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china…?
there’s the korean war. korea versus korea! nobody wins, then its on pause forever.
let’s meet the sponsors. oh, it’s the two global superpowers. they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which one is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. FIGHT!! wait, no, that would be the end of the world. let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs.
“i’ll race you to space.”
united states plants a flag on the moon
now let’s make more countries fight themselves.
europe is tired of pillaging other continents, and the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here’s a new map with new countries. now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by.
the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it.
let’s check the world population!
woah. okay.
technology is better too, that might keep happening.
the soviet union decides to relax a little, and accidentally falls apart.
europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money. except britain, because they don’t feel like it.
let’s check the mail… surprise! it’s on the computer!
whoops, someone just attacked america. i bet they’ll remember that.
phone call! surprise! it’s in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise! it’s on the computer! now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket!
whoops, the economy just crashed. don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail, because they’re not supposed to.
surprise!… flying robots. with bombs.
wanna print a brain?
some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic!
“let’s save the planet!” said everybody, not knowing how.
“let’s invent a thing inventor,” said the thing inventor inventor after being invented by a thing inventor. that’s pretty cool.
by the way, where the hell are we?
thanks for watching history
i hope i mentioned everything
psychic: what the fuck

Monsta X reacting to their best friend (crush) asking to sleep in their bed with them

A/N: Guess who took ages to make this! Yes, me :(  Still, this is for a wonderful anon who made the request. I hope you like it and sorry for taking so long.


JOOHEON:

He would try to look super chill about it, and make some jokes as an ice breaker he would think it’s a good oportunity to have a late night conversation with you, but when you finally fall asleep he would be terrifyed to touch you because he wouldn’t want you to think he’s actually taking advantage of the situation.

Jooheon: be careful, Y/N, I move a lot in my sleep, you might end up on the floor.
You: can you just shut up and let me sleep, Jooheon? I’m tired…
*a couple of minutes later in the dark…*
Jooheon: Hey, Y/N are you still awak- *accidentally touches your boob*
You: LEE JOOHEON WHAT THE FUCK!
Jooheon:

Originally posted by jo0heonie

WONHO:

He would be super nervous and start making a million scenarios in his head, as he wouldn’t be sure if you just wanted to sleep in his bed, or sleep with him. So he would just pull the typical Wonho move, play it cool (and collapsing in an embarrassment breakdown 2 seconds later).

You: Wonho… Would it be awkward if we slept together?
Wonho: No at all… Pfff… Wait a second, though. Do you mean sleep, sleep, or sleep sleep, because if it’s the second one…
You: Wonho, for God sake… I’m literally just gonna close my eyes and pass out. Chill, boy. What did you have in mind?
Wonho: Me??? Nothing… Of couse I knew you meant that… *sweats*

Originally posted by monsta-x-cuties

HYUNGWON:

This little savage would try to act like it’s not big deal while he would actually be so happy inside because he’s gonna have the chance to have you sleeping in his own bed. He would still try to hide his true feelings for you.

You: Can I sleep in your bed tonight? I’m too lazy to go back home.
Hyungwon: Of course not. I’ll give you a blanket, you are sleeping on the floor. 
You: HYUNGWON!
Hyungwon: Okay, okay… You can sleep here but you have to do it on your side because I’ll only give you 20cm of my bed, so good luck trying to fit in.
You: CHAE HYUNGWON!
Hyungwon: OKAY THEN. God, why are you so greedy?

Originally posted by minyeossi

(Just to make the feels rise a little more, Ik he would stay awake till you fell asleep so he could stare at you BYE)

MINHYUK:

Oh this boy is everything but shy. He’d be glad you asked and he’ll be lowkey (and by lowkey I mean HIGHKEY AF) trying to getas close as he can to you, just being his clingy self. He’d take it as an oportunity to have a taste of the kind of relationship he wants we you but he doesn’t have (yet).

You: So… I can stay the night here?
Minhyuk: Yeah, that’s my side right there, you can have the other one.
You: Okay… Now I have a side…
Minhyuk: Of course you do. That’s how it works…
Both: *get in bed*
You: Hummm… Minhyuk… can you please go to your side, you are technically over me…
Minhyuk:
(you are Jooheon)

Originally posted by wonhontology

(THE SOFTNESS IS REAL, IM DEAD, BYE)

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a truth so loud

ao3

my remix for week 4 of @thinkoutsidethelovesquare​!!!! it’s been a super awesome month, so thank you to everyone who participated! i was actually so excited to do this and i had so much fun~

i remixed and i’m ready to be found by @adrisin​!! definitely make sure you check out the original fic! thank you to @megatraven​ for beta-ing <3

enjoy!


Adrien tries to plaster a smile on his face as he shuts the car door— trying not to slam it no matter how frustrated he is, because all it will get him is a lecture about behavior and attitude after school, and if there’s anything he’s not in the mood for, it’s that.

He waves at Nathalie with his plaster smile, feeling no more disappointed than usual when she doesn’t wave back, and spins on his heel to face the school. Anxiety weighs down on him like an anchor, one that holds him back for a moment even after the first bell has rang.

He skids into the classroom, seconds after the bell has stopped ringing.

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The One, part 4

Jim Kirk x Reader

Warnings: angst, a little twist at the end of this one

Summary: It had been years since you had last since Jimmy. The two of you were highschool sweethearts, until you parted ways. After a horrible breakup with your two timing ex-fiance, you transfer to the U.S.S Enterprise. Finally coming face to face with the boy you left behind. Can the two of you work alongside each other in peace? Or will the past come back to haunt you?

The One Masterlist

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Barnes and You: Part Two

Summary: You’re just a mere college student trying to get by; when you’re not in class you’re working at your local bookstore or writing on your laptop. One day, when Tony Stark shows up with the Avengers for the release of his new book, you’re starstruck at the sight of the metal armed soldier.

Warnings: second hand embarrassment, sexual tension, light smut

A/N: This is going to be a multipart miniseries that I’m writing because why the fuck not. Later parts will contain angst, fluff, smut, Jealous!Bucky, and much more secondhand embarrassment. Also, if you want to be added to the permanent tag list you have to send me an ask. Just. Send. Me. An. Ask

(Part One) (Part Three)


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My fucking husband. Woke me up after I’d been asleep for 2 hours today because “the lawn guys need a check and I gotta go to work. Also let the dog out. Bye!’ And I wasn’t able to get back to sleep for several hours. Fast forward to now, my husband texts me to apologize for waking me up and I let him have it. I tell him it’s not cool to wake me up to do something he could have taken 30 seconds to just do himself and that I didn’t appreciate it. I have to work tonight. I worked last night. I need my sleep. And I would have NEVER done that to him.

What does this bitch do? Fucking sends me a Darcy gif AND THEN A KYLO GIF OHMAIFUCKINGGOD

“DAY 22 - Boringest Fuck” - A morning monologue by Karen Singbeil

I mean we could speculate all day long…really. Neda won’t use the POV? You know, if she was smart, this would be the opportunity to backdoor somebody. If she was really playing hard. But she’s not.

So we’ll all eventually be gone. The five of us will be gone, and then there’s the seven of them, and then they’re going to be so surprised when they’re coming in the jury house and I’m going to be like “Really, dumbshit, how’d you think this was going down?” And that’s exactly what I’ll be saying if I’m there. I’ll be like, “Really?? You didn’t think this one out, did ya?”

Like, you can only go with the herd mentality so long.

Last night, there was Dillon, Jackie, Bruno and Neda in the bridge, whispering, and I walked right now. I’m like:

“Hey.”

“What are you guys doing?”

“You guys want some pizza??

I’m thinking “Go fuck yourselves, you assholes.”

Trust me, I know. It’s going to be PICK, PICK, PICK, PICK, PICK. Just frustrating…

Cuz that is is going be the boringest fuck game. Boringest Fuck is what they’re going to name this season. That’s what they’re planning. I can see it. I can feel it.

I don’t think they care. Just clear the board. They only got the seven of them, then eat Jackie. They’re only carrying her for a number. Oh, you have no idea.

I’m in there talking to Bruce this morning, and I’m like “It’s going to be fucking hard to do fucking darling today, darling.” I love funny as fuck. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. That’s just who I am, it’s the fabric from which I am sewn, the distorted quilt that nobody wants. But I would suffocate them with it if I could.

But it doesn’t matter.

And this is what’s frustrating… Dumb and fucking dumber, they don’t see. You can only go with the fucking herd so long, idiots. Floaterville thinks, “Well, we’ll just all get to the end together.” But guess what? Two end up there, dumbshits, not seven. Sorry. Hate to fucking inform you.

I’m just pissed.

And they’re acting really sketchoid today.

Remember when Jackie used to walk around and be like “Does anyone need coffee or tea?” “Hi, do you want me to get you a towel”? It’s like the Stepford Wives, you know, those creepy ones that are serving you the food as she’s stabbing you. “Would you like another piece of roast beef?” And you’re like *dying noises*. With the fork, and it goes in your neck, and you didn’t see it coming? Yes, *I* did, actually.

I think I’m on my third cup of coffee. And you guys are already in the middle of the game because I’ve already wound myself completely up. Now I’ve gotta wind myself back down so I can be like “Have a good morning.” *smiles*

I swear to God, I will never talk to these people outside of this house. How about never? Does never work for you??

Because I can’t be that fake. I don’t have this much nice in me. Bruce knows this.

This is the real me right now.

When I go back out, it’s like *vomiting noises*. Can somebody make me puke.. on them? If I have to eat slop, I’m gonna wait until I’m in front of all of them eating, and then make myself puke on them. I’ll be like “Oh, God. Soooorryyy.” They’ll all scatter, and I’ll be like “Bye, bitches.”

Is that petty???

2

Hi. Or should I say bye because I really need to go to bed? These were from yesterday at work and tonight while working from home. We get to wear jeans on testing days and it’s glorious.

Ate way too much today though so once I was done I made myself stay up and prep food for tomorrow (oats for breakfast, and egg whites with veggies and seasoned ground turkey for lunch). I just know I won’t eat well unless I have decent meals ready to go. Now if only I could be better about getting more than 6ish hours of sleep.

Trouble (Chapter 3)

Originally posted by lifeofvampirediaries

Originally posted by fandomimagineswithme

(This is a short one and if I missed you in the tags please send it on in again! If you want to be tagged or if you have any suggestions for the next chapters send them in! I don’t bite, I promise. Unless you want me to.)

Trouble (Chapter Three)

Chapter One / Chapter Two

Summary: Kai Parker is on the run from Damon and Stefan Salvatore and he finds his way to New Orleans, Louisiana hoping that the large supernatural population will hide him in plain sight; When he sees you, a beautiful witch that just so happens to be friends with the Original Family. What are the chances he can make his move before Kol Mikaelson can?

You and Kai were having a movie night. It was raining outside and your roof had a leak so while the workers worked through the night (Kol compelled them) Kai was letting you stay over his apartment.

“Why aren’t you staying at the history buff’s place tonight?” Kai asks as you scroll on your phone, almost completely ignoring the movie.

“Kol? We had fight. He’s such a- such a child sometimes.” You respond angrily as you type. You put the phone down to talk to him.

“What happened?” Kai shuffles a little closer after he talks, you pull your feet back to give him more room.

“His family- well, his brother, really- he’s really paranoid. He keeps thinking that I’m out to get him, out to get his daughter. I know I’ve done some really messed up thing but I would never hurt a kid, never.” Kai nods, wanting you to continue. You sigh and run a hand over your face.

“And the thing is- Kol isn’t even going against it- and if he is he won’t tell me so. He’s being so immature and stubborn. It’s such bullshit, he’s an asshole.” You tilt your head back and sigh loudly. Kai raise his hand to hold yours and you lift your head to look at him.

“I’m here to listen, you know. I’m not going to turn into an asshole.” You snicker as you move to place your head on his shoulder, still holding his hand.

“Thanks.” He leans his head on yours as you watch the movie.

-

In the morning you wake up on the couch of Kai’s apartment. He was nice enough to put a blanket on you but now that the rain had stopped and the sun had started to shine again New Orleans suddenly felt like a sauna. You throw the blanket off our body and sit up, stretching your arms and groaning. You check your phone as you gather your stuff into the grocery bag you brought it over in.

“Leaving so soon?” You look up and then promptly go speechless. There he was, Kai, with no shirt and low hanging sweatpants. Did every attractive man in this town have a six pack, or were you under a delusion?

“T-The work men stopped so my apart-ment is done and I should go see w-what they did to it. Uhm, bye.” You rush out of the apartment leaving behind a smirking and snickering Kai. But it didn’t matter, because right now your heartbeat was going a million miles a second and you could practically hear Kai laughing from his apartment.

You look up at the ceiling once your heart calms down and sigh. The ceiling looks great, fixed, better than when you first bought the apartment but now dust covered your whole living room. You run a hand through our hair as you curse the workers under your breathe. You brush away all the dust before collapsing onto your couch.

Someone knocks on your doorway. You stand up and march towards the door.

“What the hell do you want?!” You rip open the door to find Kol standing there holding flowers.

“To apologize.” He offers you the flowers and you stare at them incredulously.

“Flowers? Flowers?! You wouldn’t even stand up for me and now you think that a bouquet of roses can make it all better?! How could you think that I could hurt a kid, Kol, a kid!” You swipe the flowers out of his hands as you yell. They fall apart on the floor as you point at him.

“I was trying to convince Klaus not to kill you. I brought you them because they’re your favorite.” Kol walks into your house behind you and shuts the door.

“And you couldn’t tell me anything? You couldn’t compel someone to tell me? To bring a letter? Kol you have a phone, you could have called me!” You turn around to face him, to yell at him more, when he grabs your face and kisses you. You barely have time to react before you kiss him back.

“What- the fuck- was that?” You say, panting after he pulls away from the surprise of it.

That, was something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time.” You don’t say anything, truly and utterly speechless as you stare up at him.

“Fuck you, get out! You can’t just fix everything with a kiss and a love confession! Get out!” You push him out of the door and slam it loudly. You can hear Kol walk down the stairs. You put your head in your hands when you sit down, hands still shaking from the anger and now the rush of kissing someone.

What the hell were you going to do now?

Tags- @geminioriginalsimagines @teengirl72 @nolaimagines @multifandomimaginereblogs @waywardtimemachinejellyfish @reverynnj-hobbits  @originaladdict98 @strawberry1blonde

i get that Isak is sorta trying to ease the mood between him and sana by only talking about school work, and he is also trying to joke about his stress with jokes like the redbull thing, and its typical for students to bond over their stress, but honestly I’m a little worried? Like he seems really stressed and anxious about these mock exams and he works too hard and I just want to give him the world, is that too much to ask??? (side note: this might be old news but I realized that after Isak was talking about getting a job along with going to school, Even happened to get a job, like I’m not sure, and Even might have had a job before Isak mentioned it, but I like to think that Even got a job because his boy was stressing to the max okay I’m done now bye)

sugar daddy pool pt.2 (M)

bts member: jungkook x reader you

genre: angst / smut

M = mature contents read on your own risk

well, i was trying to take a break but after the bomb ‘’young forever “ jungkook was so damn hot and mature i didn’t deny my self from writing an imagination about jungkook who turned to his 30 ^^

summary: being jungkook’s sugar baby who was 30 years  old for a while doesn’t go to be easy for both of you it was a night that changed your damn life but does it do the same for him ……..

masterlist 

part 1

part 2 :  

jungkook was standing in the airport his little sweet daughter is supposed to be here an hour ago but the plane wasn’t here yet he felt nervous and happy at the same time he didn’t see “Jeon Junghee” since 3 months it was in his last trip to USA 

seeing people coming out take him back from his thoughts he approaches the side searching for Annie and his sweetheart  but the woman coming now wasn’t his ex-wife she was for sure his daughter that little angel holding a pink bag and holding the new woman hand she was her but why the fuck Annie wasn’t here 

“junghee ya “ jungkook yelled dropping to his knees to receive a big sweet hug from the running coming little girl  “baby girl miss you he cuddled her with love and care “i promise i will be a good father sweetie and i will never let you go anyway “ 

“Appa why i’m here! my mommy i miss her she wasn’t in the plane i was scared appa, i want ice cream you said if i come to korea you buy me ice cream “ jungkook eyes were full of tears he kissed both her hands “sure baby sure i will get for you any thing you want don’t be scared appa is here ok “

“excuse me sir i’m Christine junghee’s nanny “

“ oh yeah hello, welcome to korea Miss i’m sorry i was really missing my daughter”

“hhhh no problem i see that sir “

“where is her mother jungkook asked begging for a strong reason to let the girl come here alone with a stranger he was holding his anger back this woman can’t leave him in peace near or far she is always a river of problem to him”

“ Mrs Annie gave me this letter she told me to give it to you when i arrive here 

jungkook take the shit of paper nervously and start reading

 { i’m sorry i know you will get mad because i didn’t accompanied her i’m too busy to come korea i was in my word i sent her to you you can take care of her i’m sure i know i wasn’t that good mother for your daughter but both of us know that a little girl needs her mom firstly !her nanny is a good girl she raised her from her first year so she knows every thing maybe better than me take care of her jungkook and good luck i forgot to tell you i’m supposed to marry again next month you can be the best father for our daughter good luck -ANNIE-}

jungkook squeezed the letter with his hand ‘that bitch she was always selfish she only carried about her self too busy to take and raise the daughter it’s really good if she get a nanny for her at least she didn’t abandon the little girl

let’s go now your grandpa is waiting for us 

on the way to jungkook’s home where he supposed to live always with his father mother and brother too but after his divorce he wanted to ge more freedom so he always go back to his condo but now his daughter needs a family she needs a normal life… in their way home Christine told him every thing when she gets up when she sleeps what kind of story likes the most what’s her favorite flavors and ice cream what books she started to learn how she always try to talk the hangul with her the way she will not find a problem in future communication so Annie was smart to bring her a girl who knows korean he smirked  and specially she told him about her dance lessons his daughter did lot of things jungkook felt so proud about his seed she is smart and pretty very pretty a sweet angel he tried to thank her nanny because really she is stunning she is even better of that bitch 

______________________________________________________________

“y/N take the order from the coming customers … y/N ah 

“huh oh yeah sorry i’m coming you finally put the cups of hot chocolate in their tables and go back behind the counter you start wiping the glasses but your head was storming thinking about last night and how you wake up this morning alone with a sweet note 

sorry i have urgent works i hated to let you alone you can stay here if you want  or please take your breakfast before living thanks for last night  kiss _

your mind was swinging between how sweet this man was and how so much money he put in your account with your half opened eyes the morning checking your phone you didn’t believe that you get that amount  you harried to wear your clothes it’s only then you noticed how big and stunning his bed room was you take all your belongings  then fix the bed passing by the hall way towards his kitchen you find juice and pancakes you just pick the glass and sip some juice you have to go fast when you finally reach the door you turned and throw a last stare there who said you will come back here again in his note he didn’t hint that he want to meet you again but it’s ok your mission was super successful 

you tried your best to stop thinking of him but he didn’t let you his scent is sticking with you

4 days later it was Saturday the weather was cool you was supposed to work after giving a dance class one of your sunbaenims knows about your state so she asked you to teach’ ballet’ for children in her center twice a week it was helpful you can’t deny 

arriving to the center you get a note that a new little girl is joining the group this day she was with a foreign woman but fortunately she can speak korean she told you that she started dancing when she was 3 years old so she was good she said that she is new here and how you have to  treat her actually you fall deeply for her she was stunning a small body and petite bunny face she was so fucking cute her smile was familiar but where !!! 

“ so your name is junghee ??” you asked tickling her cheek 

“yes and i like to dance are you my new teacher “

yeah i’m your teacher my name is y/N mind to show me your dance let me see what you get in america 

the morning class was funny this day you felt so happy the party in this center is soon so having such a brilliant cute girl like her in the center will be amazing your mind start drawing choreography’s pictures this girl was able to steal your heart in the early morning so you went to your part time job jumping and secretly laughing 

_____________________________________

Teahyung stand in the side starring to the gorgeous young woman coming award him taking by her father her dress was amazing the white suit his bride so damn pretty his heart was pumping up like a crazy one

jungkook who was sitiing next to his mother that was holding the cute little junghee in her lap was daydreaming so bad you didn’t leave his mind for a second since that night  and this feeling was the death for him he felt angry he even gazed taehyung who was busy kissing his bride with death stare because he is the responsible of this shit jungkook hated the feeling of dropping for an other girl he was having really enough but he couldn’t stop he wanted more than one night he wanted more for sure …

the wedding ceremony and reception were amazing the bride and groom looks satisfied and happy  jungkook was playing with junghee cheeks kissing her while she was laughing hard touching her dad’s face with her pale small fingers she was like a doll many girls were starring to him dying to be in her place but he never fucking care  

“jungkookie “ will you planning to stay more “his mom asked him

“you wanna go home omma ??

“yeah i really feel tired you know my back’s disease so i need to rest want you  i take her with me home “

“yeah it’s the better now because i have some works to do after come back mom please if i didn’t come this night try to read the last part of her fairy-tale before bed please “

“ i will give her milk too did you forget that i already raised two children son hhh” 

thank you mom you’re the best he turned his face to see his daughter who was busy touching his hair “ give dad a bog kiss before leaving “

“ommwwwwwah i love you appa good bye now i will go with my grandmother “ jungkook was really taken by her sweet words she is really smart she even understand his speech with his mom 

“emmm take care and be a good girl ok “

“ okay bye appa 

the married couple leave the palace of the party hall jungkook and teahyung exchanged stares it means we will talk late bro 

it’s 5 pm now it’s cool and warm it’s really crazy feeling this need again without giving a shit he really gives so he decided to call you but he remembered that he didn’t get your number that night “oh fuck “he didn’t have an other choice he sign up in the web side and send you a message hoping you reply soon or he will die with this need 

coming out exhausted from working the hall afternoon time you felt your phone vibration it must be a Facebook notification you decided to ignore it and continue walking to the bus station this day your mom role to be with yoonchae so you can go home and sleep your phone vibrates again while you are near to the station you didn’t believe your eyes it was him he said he wants to meet you now asking for a date he asked for your number though you didn’t hesitate for a second to reply him back he immediately call you seeing your screen showing a new number was nervous but you pick the call

“good evening i’m sorry for making you wait i just check my phone right now”

“ no problem happy you reply me sorry for forgetting ask for your number though can i meet you now 

“ well i need to go home first i was coming from my work i need to go change my outfits “

“no need just tell me where are you now…. please “

“i’m in the ninth bus station i’m in my way to go home i can meet you after 2 hours you know the distance i actually live in a normal area so far from yours

“ wait there i’m coming he hangs up the call you were so happy and nervous at the same time you didn’t believe that you will get a chance to meet him again it was only 20 minutes and you notice a black sporty car curbed where you were standing you were alone in the station your eyes connecting for seconds it was like both of you was memorizing the other’s face or just to take a warm look for a missing person you walked towards him and get into his car jungkook couldn’t take off his eyes this is was weird from a man who didn’t know you his stare was full of care!! no no you avoid this it’s lust only y/N only you smile he smiled back”i’m sorry if i come suddenly i should tell you before but i felt the need to meet you “

“it’s really ok “ he turned his face starring to the road running the engine and fly 

“mind to tell me our direction “

“i said we could have a date emm so i will take you for dinner i hope you will like the french food they do there “

“ well i didn’t try it before it will be a good chance thank you “

“he smirked 

you take a look for his outfits he was really charismatic and classy his black suit and his amazing hair style he must be in an important occasion you suddenly look to your clothes a jean short and a white top how the fuck you will be standing beside him this will never work 

“i’m sorry jungkook i actually don’t wear the suitable outfits for this dinner date i told you to let me go home” you murmured and he giggled “don’t worry sweetheart i ‘ll fix this 

his car stopped in an unknown area for you  it was like a beauty center or design something like that he asked you to get out he did too leading the way to the inside where an old chic woman is standing to welcome the coming man “oh jungkookie my sweetheart welcome it’s really amazing to see you here by your self 

“ thank you how have you been “

“i’m ok who’s this gorgeous she asked while look at you, you step award and say hi timidly it was really cool to hear that you’re gorgeous from such an elegant woman like this 

“ antie she is  special  her name is y/N can you please fix her we have a dinner date now i’m responsible i grabbed her to come fast so i need to fix it he was talking smoothly her hands went like charm in your arm taking you in an other hall where there is many fitting rooms the hall way was full of dress; that dresses that you could never get a one of them even in dream 

she asked you to stay there and coming back with a girl holding 3 dresses 

“emmm let me see you have such a bright skin and black hair this is the  most suitable colors to you” the first was black it was tube and middle thigh lentgh it was amazing but it was more for a wedding ceremony

the second was red you didn’t want to wear it you pretend that you hate red it will be awkward wearing same color again though the third dress was fabulous it was made by a satin silky fabric long sleeves made by a lace fabric    surrounding the chest too with a small pieces of glitters it has a short fairy skirt without a single doubt it was made to fit you you looked gorgeous and glamorous the woman shouted when she saw you “oh gosh you’re prettier than me when i was in your age hhhhhhhh “ she made you laugh with her putting a silver high heels and some rings taking a sweet little purse was completely ok now “

“but you can’t go without a magical touch “

“what do you mean Madame??”

“ come here she leads you to the make up room where she take the responsibility to do it for you she didn’t put that much only some blush mascara and lipstick “emmm i need to fix your hair how about to do a side braid with your hair

 time goes “ we’re done let’s go now i think my nephew is out of mind men hates waiting she giggled you felt nervous when your feet approche the first hall where he was standing his back leading on the white coach

“ i did my best this is yours now my work is done have a good night sweetheart “

“jungkook didn’t reply her he was taken by the girl who is standing not too far from his sight it’s not like you weren’t beautiful before but he was sure you are prettier now and maybe you will be every day he smirked holding his feeling “let’s go “

“wait this for her” she was holding a white coat she gave it to you and disappear in the big design room you wear the coat while walking to the car the way to the restaurant was so calm jungkook was driving silently it scared you you take your phone it was 7 pm your mom must leave home to the hospital now you begged that your sister will bear more until you can get the amount for her surgery  we’re here he said leaving the car to open your door and helping you to take off your coat when you entered the restaurant 

every thing was amazing you tried your best to not go into private topics just talking about general things but every thing about him was inviting  “did you enjoy the dishes “

“oh yeah i was scared in the beginning but i think it was superb thank you for tonight”

“ i was planning to call you before but i swear i was so damn busy i just take this weekend off because of my best friend’s wedding

“oh i see congratulation  to him “

“thank you he smirked he was lucky he get a pearl after all his waiting 

“ it’s a big responsibility; marriage i mean “

“ yeah we have to choose correctly our partner “

“you said that from your own experience i think “

“emm i loved her so much but she didn’t deserve any thing she was not for me even i get a great gift i let her go i hate her so bad now it was a mistake and i fix it”

“i’m sorry i didn’t mean to ..

“it’s ok baby i’m done with that don’t worry let’s go out now do you mind to join me into a long ride “

“my pleasure he holds your waist tightly pressing it it was really amazing what is happening now breathing the chilly breeze coming from the window while the car is rolling the road who is coming to be less crowded than before the phone call ruined your mood your heart start shaking when your mom name appeared on the screen she told you that your sister passed by a crises and her surgery couldn’t be so far any more your mom was crying you hung up with shaking hands jungkook wasn’t that fool to avoid that “is every thing ok “

you hold your tears taking a breath “i know i don’t suppose to say that right now but i need to go please stop the car i swear you can do what you want with me later but i need to go now my sister is in the hospital “

“is she ok !! “

in labor” you lied 

“ no need to be sorry let me take you there it will be faster you accept his offer he is right also your shaking feet will never can bring you there before three hours “why you’re nervous she will be ok after giving birth  you must be happy “

“huh oh yeah it’s her first that’s why she must be in pain jungkook of course used his map to find the hospital he didn’t go there before you were in your way to jump off the car when he putted bills in your hands this is for you,you stare at his eyes i’m so sorry “

“it’s ok i just ask for a date tonight not for sex so go on we still have time right ”

“ you run and run quickly whitout seeing jungkook who was walking behind you

“where can i find my sister now you finally start crying speaking to the receptionist nurse  that she already know you she see you usually here “she is ok now don’t worry Miss kim” 

“where is yoonchae don’t lie to me “

the doctor is seeing her now all i can said that you need to pay for her surgery 

“i will i almost have a big portion you took you phone telling here giving her to check the amount in your account this can help you to pay the debt and can just pull of a part of the surgery price i’m sorry you already know all of that 

“ take this too you gave her the bills it was not enough you know but you need to  make her know that you aren’t lying about paying the surgery you only need time why the fuck they don’t save her first isn’t a human who need to live happily “

“please let me see her doctor “

“ the doctor hasn’t got any choice too i’m sorry the only thing is to pay then we can start her surgery she was talking as youalready have the money and hide it !! your tears were heartbreaking for the man who was watching what is happening there he felt sorry actually he put an imaginary amount on your account for a one night stand but he felt sorry why the fuck he didn’t put more maybe you can pay this surgery watching you hurrying to the second corridor to find your sister jungkook approaches the reception where behind sit the nurse “excuse me can i know about Miss kim condition i mean the patient here not y/N i’m their friend “

“ she is in bad condition she need the kidney implantation as soon as possible jungkook now seems to understand many things 

“ just tell the doctor to do it tomorrow “

“what??”

“ take my card i think you can find here more than this shits worth jungkook pay the owing amount and tell her to keep his name private he has the right then he take his steps back calling his cousin he was a doctor in the “Myong clinic” he asked his help to make sure about this surgery even it wasn’t the same hospital  he sure knows the surgeons 

seeing your sister laying peacefully was the big relief now your mom told you to go home because she refused to go and it’s only one person can stay going back in the reception hall you find the doctor “Miss kim we will do the surgery tomorrow at 10   we can’t wait more you can go back now her condition is stable “

“because you were very glad you forget to ask him about how he changed his mind who cares now 

it was a relief now you can go rest peacefully you take a look to your gorgeous look and heels why the fuck you didn’t get a chance to be with jungkook tonight you need someone who help you discharging stress and sadness  pushing the front door and came out your eyes didn’t believe it was him standing out of his car “why you still here “

“ i thought you will be out in any times after seeing your sister is she ok 

“oh yeah she is i need to go home now my mom is there  thank you for asking me you rubbed his arm softly you felt the need to be kissed now it will be amazing if you get a chance to be with him again jungkook pulled you near to drop in his torso while his back was supported by the car “what about go to my apartment i think you need a special treatment tonight princess it wasn’t that much hard to start the kiss you needed to do this dropping all the troubles from your shoulders for a while wasn’t bad he already bring you closer smooching your cherry lips biting it with hunger “thanks god i stay here to wait for you it worth it you know he said rubbing your back you buried your head in his neck and wrapping his neck by arms you pressed your body into his torso you know he is not a boy friend to reassure you he was a man searching for his own pleasure but you couldn’t believe that the way he hugged you back was as tender as fuck 

“i think we should bring this to somewhere else he said helping you to go into his car the way wasn’t too long maybe because you felt nervous you feel the time is running faster than usual but it was really his condo again jungkook take off his shoes and coat and take your hand he leads the way to his well equipped kitchen “ your throat was dry not because you are thirsty it was because seeing this man gulped some water in front of your eyes your hormones are going crazy tonight it’s really awkward you must be scared but the happy news you got really help you feel the ecstasy you want to drink something “ no i’m ok “ “sure he said killing the short distance your back pressed the cramped counter when he pressed his wet lips against yours you stand here completely at his mercy you can barely keep your balance when his tongue start circling with yours but he was totally taking control he holds your waist tightly the way you felt the fabric of his suit jacket is so damn velvet  jungkook lift you up to sit on the counter he can easily find a way to touch your top body by his lips while his hands didn’t stop squeezing your ass he unzipped your dress from the back and pull it off where he can see your lace bra holding perky fruit grabs you lost all train of thoughts when he start putting butterflies kisses in your sensitive exposed skin you completely turned on you feel so horny just by kissing him your core was creaming you needed more than kisses you need him to fuck you senseless just to forget your messy life your fingers grabbed his hair and massaged his neck from the back your sweet action pleased  him he lifts you up to his waist and walked to the nearest sofa not even to his bed room you grinned when you saw his torso again you was thinking you will never get this chance again both of you laid down on the sofa kissing roughly hot your lips will be swollen tomorrow for sure but you don’t fucking care it was good so damn good your chest was rises and falls hardly when you see him start attacking your thighs and inner thigh though you moaned “oh jungkook “

“ do you like daddy’s touch babe “

“ please fuck me now you said shameless moaning his name was so damn good for jungkook to hear he was already turned on but he didn’t want to make you wait more something told him to treat you well he hovered around your body and positioned him self between your legs his thrusts were not hard he fucked you as he was making love you felt that care and it feels so damn good his rhythm increase both of you were moaning in each others lips  “i’m close “

you pressed your fingers in his back “you’re so tight babe but beautiful his words hit your mind you felt your juice is mixing with his own but he can’t oh no please pull it down it was the last thing you want to get pregnant from a fuck buddy 

laying down on his lap was really satisfying “why you were so gentle with me i thought you enjoy being rough “

“ you didn’t like soft and gentle i saw you so fuzzy tonight i didn’t want to be hard he said playing with a part of your hair we are supposed to take care of each other moral right “

“ yeah i like it so much you are good “

“just good “

“i mean amazing in bed ”but you prefer rough and hard he said cutting you “you ask for it baby come here 

“jungkook what are you doing he lifts you up and heads to his bed room “we needs round two don’t beg me to stop because i’ll never do before heard you scream till the coming morning

 the next morning you tried to move your legs waaah you can move them after really last night you bet if you can walk a couple of meters after that hard passionate sex  “jungkook” was deeply sleeping he was like an angel his chest was naked he must be cold you lift the blanket to cover him it was 6 am early to wake up but you need to go your hands dropped the blanket but suddenly his hand catch it snatching you to drop on his chest where are you going sweetheart “nowhere i can stay an extra time for you “

“this is what i want cuddle me i want to sleep more he said lazily but funnily too you felt your heart beat increase touching his bare skin  it was white and soft but in a beautiful way manly you felt the need to kiss him a morning kiss but you can’t do this things with him oh god not him “ this war of thoughts was so damn tiresome you felt sleepy again but you endure the desire you need to go home get changing and heads to the hospital “i’m sorry jungkook i need to go 

_____________________________________

the surgery last more than 4 hours the nurse who was going in told you that she will be ok because there are the best surgeon there you didn’t understand her you thought she only talks about one of her ordinary stuff colleagues because you didn’t get any idea what jungkook did last night after a while of pressure the doctor comes out talking with you and your mother “ we did our best i hope she can accept the implantation we need to keep her here more because her immunity system is weak “

“can we see her please “

“ oh yeah after the nurse does her work bringing her back to post operative unit

she was sleeping deeply like an angel finally she can be able to live normally ….

see you next update ^^

20 - Kai Parker

[Imagine Kai being obsessively in love with you]

++++

“Damon, Stefan you guys needs to calm down.” I tell them, rolling my eyes. “I’m just going to work, like I always do.”

“But this time with a sociopath who is madly in love with you, stalking you.” Damon says, his arms folded over his chest.

“Damon, I appreciate you worrying for me but Kai isn’t in love with me.” I say, rolling my eyes.

“Y/N.” Stefan says. “Everyone can see he heads over heels in love with you.”

“I don’t see why though.” Damon mutters and I slap his arm, but laugh.

“Whatever, I can look after myself.” I shrug. “I’ve got my powers.”

Before one of the brothers can speak, I leave the house. Stefan and Damon are like brothers to me, they always watch out for me.

Getting in my car, I check my makeup in the mirror. “You look beautiful.” I scream, turning around and see Kai in the backseat.

“Kai.” I say, confused and crept out. “What are you doing?”

“I just wanted to see you.” He grins, I swear he didn’t have such a cute grin I would have punched him in the face.

“You’ve seen me.” I say. “Now get out of my car.”

Kai pouts. “Why?”

“Because I want to you leave.”

“Where are you going?”

“To work.”

“Where do you work?”

“I’m not telling you that.” I open the doors with my powers. “Now get out before I call a Salvatore.”

“Fine, Y/N.” Kai sighs, getting out of my car. I shut and lock the doors, before starting my car.

Kai waves to me with a wide smile on his face. “Bye.” I say, waving before I drive off.

++++

“Y/N.” I hum to Liam, he’s a regular who comes here. We’ve formed a friendship. He scratches the back of his neck. “Umm….I was wondering if you’re free tonight?”

I pause and think. “Yeah, I’m free.”

His head perks up and he smiles, showing his cute dimples. “Great, do you want to go see a movie or something?”

“Yeah sure.” I say, smiling myself.

“I’ll pick up at eight?”

“It’s a date.” I nod and he kisses my cheek before leaving the shop.

I blush, covering my cheeks with my hands. Someone clears their throat. “Sorry, how may I help-what do you want now?” I ask Kai, annoyed.

“Who’s he?” Kai points to Liam, with a glare. “And why did he kiss you?”

“Because he’s taking me out on a date tonight.” I say, with a smile. Kai looks hurt.

“How come you said yes to him and not me?”

I can’t help but feel guilty. “Do you want something Kai?”

“You.”

“Someone that’s on the menu?” I ask, ignoring his previous comment.

Kai hums, resting his head on his hand. “You.” He repeats, grinning at me.

“Kai.” I sigh, rolling my eyes but feel my cheeks warmth. “Order something.”

“I did, you’re not listening.” He shrugs, his gaze not leaving my face.

I roll my eyes. “I need to clean the tables.” I move away from him, getting the cleaning products.

Going to a dirty table, I throw away the rubbish before wiping it clean. “You missed a spot.” I hear Kai say, his arms around me.

“Where?” I ask. He points to my chest and I blush, realising my bra is showing from leaning over. Kai laughs, his arms still around me as his thumb draws patterns over my hips.

“Purple is a nice colour on you, Y/N.” Kai says, referring to my bra colour.

I roll my eyes, still blushing. “Kai, get off me.”

“No.” He keeps his arms around and kisses my cheek.

My eyebrows raise. “Kai, I’m serious get off me.”

“Nope.” He says, popping the ‘p’. “I love you.”

I tense. 'Everyone can see he heads over heels in love with you,’ I recall Stefan saying in my head.

“What?” I turn around and Kai grins, his arms still around me.

“I love you, Y/N.” He presses his lips on mine for second.

I shake my head, moving from his grasp. “You’re crazy.”

“Crazy in love with you.” He laughs, kissing my cheeks.

“Kai, I don’t love you.” I say and his face drops.

“Why not?” He asks. “Is it because I murdered my family?”

“Partly yes.” I say. “And beside I have a date tonight.”

“Y/N, don’t date him.” Kai says, leaning in so his face is inches from mine. I lean back. “Date me.”

“Kai-” He cuts me off with a kiss, my eyes widen and I pull back, slapping him. “Leave me alone.” I snap, running out of the shop.

“Y/N!” I hear Kai shout but j don’t care, getting into my car. “Y/N, baby please let me explain.”

I jump, seeing him at my window. “Kai, leave me alone.” I say, locking the doors.

I start my car, driving away from him until he’s out of my sight. “They were right.” I say, running my hand through my hair. “He loves me.”

++++

“And can I just say, I told you so.” Damon repeats again. I frown, rolling my eyes. He grins.

“He’s crazy, I barely know him.” I say, shaking my head slightly.

“Kai’s a sociopath, it’s actually weird seeing him have feelings.” Elena says, I nod. “Don’t worry, Y/N. He won’t get you.”

“We’ll protect you.” Caroline says and the other agree.

I smile, thanking them all. Elena, Bonnie, Matt, Tyler, Liv, Caroline, Stefan and Damon are all at the Salvatore’s. I had to cancel my plans with Liam, sadly.

I had a hunch Kai might hurt him, so it’s better that he stays away from me. “How long has this been going on?” Matt asks.

“Kai was also flirty with Y/N, when he came back from the prison world.” Damon says.

“But it wasn’t until he merged with Luke, that he started acting different.” Liv finishes.

“Different how?” Caroline asks.

“He’s gotten Luke’s emotions.” She explains. “So, he feels love.”

“But it’s unhealthy.” Stefan says. “I once found him in Y/N’s room. He was playing with her hair as she slept.”

“What?” I ask, completely crept out. “Did you get him out?”

“He just vanished.” Stefan replies. “Kai’s still a powerful witch.”

“Thank you, Stefan.” All of us turn around and I tense seeing Kai there. His eyes looking for me, I’m hiding behind Tyler.

“How did you get in?” Bonnie asks, standing up along with everyone else.

I huddle back, keeping hidden behind Tyler. “I have my ways.” Kai says. “Where’s Y/N?”

“She’s out.” Elena says. “Kai, leave her alone. She’ll never love you.”

“I know she doesn’t love me now but she will eventually.”

“How do you know that?” Matt asks.

“Because she’s accepts all my gifts for starters.”

“Gifts?” Damon repeats.

I look to myself, my eyes widening. My whole outfit and jewellery is from Kai, I remember getting them on my bed.

They were all nearly tied up and I just assumed it was Damon or Stefan. “Y/N, come here please.” Kai says. “I can smell your perfume, which is the one I bought you.”

I whisper to myself and put on a cloaking spell. I run upstairs to my bedroom, knowing no one can see me.

Entering my room, I shut and lock my door relaxed. “Found you.” I scream at his voice, turning around. Kai smirks, sitting on my bed.

“How? You were just downstairs.”

“I can sense your magic, Y/N.” He says, patting the space beside him. “Please come and sit.”

For some reason I do, keeping a small distance. “Why did you send me all those gifts?” I ask, looking at him.

“Because I love you, Y/N.”

“Kai-”

“Please Y/N.” He cuts in, cupping my face. “Why won’t you give me a chance?”

“I don’t know. Everyone says your a bad person.”

“Most of your friends are bad people, Damon killed a pregnant woman, Stefan murdered his father, Elena-”

“Ok.” I say, not wanting to hear more. “I get it, Kai.” I sigh. “I guess no one is perfect.”

He smiles. “So, will you go on a date with me?”

I sigh, wondering if I’ll regret this. “Alright, Kai.”

His face lights up and he kisses me. Shocking myself, I kiss him back leaning in. “You kissed me back.” He says, proudly.

I roll my eyes. “Shut up.”

Kai laughs and I giggle. “So I’ll pick up in an hour.”

“The date is now?”

“Of course.” Kai kisses me quickly. “I need to plan everything but I promise you’ll love it.”

“Ok, then. I need to change.”

“You always look beautiful, Y/N.” I blush and he smiles, kissing my cheek. “I’ll see you in an hour.”

“Bye, Kai.” I say, smiling. He kisses once more before climbing out my window.

I bite my lip, touching my lips in memory. “Maybe he’s not so bad.”

++++

[End of this imagine, requests are open. Also maybe a part two]

Look after you

Taron’s sick and Y/N ditches her work to take care of him because she’s a little overprotective and she catches the flu afterwards

A/N: sick taron makes my heart squeeze painfully. look at the gif for fucks sake. And i wouldn’t mind getting sick and stay in bed all day with taron david egerton ha ha hi hi ha ha hoe

***

It’s a one winter Thursday night in March and I have been facing the computer screen since I came and sat at my desk in the studio this afternoon to work on the piece our design team leader has been pressing us about which is the logo we’ve been brainstorming for the past couple of weeks. My hand starts to burn, given that it has been moving and working throughout the day and I can’t help myself to stop for a while to take little breaks; rotating my wrist, popping my knuckles and stretching my fingers and pinching its tips to ease some tension.

This is what I’ve been waiting for after 2 years of passing out my portfolios to big graphic design companies around the city, the chance of being accepted and working in a big company with a great team. Taron couldn’t be any happier when he heard the big news. He picked me up in a massive bear hug and spun me around until we knocked the coffee table and the flower vase in the middle. He whispered how proud he was of me and how he was excited for me. I held him tight as he kisses my hair, thanking him for being there every step of the way. We celebrated that night with pizza and movie marathon (I insisted we watch chick flicks, which he would mostly refuse and argue with me but he chose not to because he said it’s my reward. So I did a little victory dance until he interrupts me and said to just get on with it before he change his mind.)

I smile instantly when I saw my phone lighting up with his name on the screen as I’m debating whether to add an outline on the letter and which color should I blend with it..

“Hey babe.” Never removing the smile etched on my face as I push myself away from my desk.

“Hey.” Taron says in a ridiculously low tired voice, drawing out the words slowly. “How’s my Y/N?”

I can’t tell but his voice seems a bit off, something seems wrong about it so frown just a little bit.

“It’s been tiring but it’s going brilliant, actually. Don’t wanna lose the job you’ve been claiming for ages, so gotta work hard.” He chuckles softly then says, “Right.”

“So how’s my boy doing tonight?” I ask him cheerily.

“I’m–okay, I’m doing good. I made you dinner, if you want it’s in the microwave. You can just reheat it.”

There is something really different about him right now.

“Okay babe–are you okay? You seem a bit off.” I say carefully as my frown deepens.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m–i’m okay. I was just checking up on you. I’m sorry if bothered you, erm, I’ll see you later, yeah?” He says in that ridiculous slowly voice.

“I’m halfway through with this then I’ll be home really soon.” I added “Sure you’re okay baby?”

“Yeah. I’m okay. Love you bye.”

“Love you.” then he hangs up.

I stare at my phone then at my unfinished work then back to my phone until I decided, fuck it, i am going home now.

Something’s up and I need to be home now.

I’ll just tell Lauren that something came up and I have to head home as early as possible; she’ll understand it. I silently thank God because I’m halfway through with my work.

This is very unconventional for Taron. He never sounded that tired and resigned like he was a couple of minutes ago and he’d normally greet me with his cheery and lively voice once I picked up the phone.

He would just sound like this when he is sick.

I barely screw the cap of my pens and gather my things unceremoniously and make my way out since everybody went home and I’m the only person left in this studio.

It’s not that Taron can’t take care of himself when he is being sick like this but I have seen it with my own two eyes. Sure he can manage to get out of the bed and make himself a cup of tea but that would take him ages because he has to muster up all his energy before he could get himself one. He just looks so helpless and vulnerable and I can’t take that when he’s being like this. Call me overreacting but I’m an overprotective little shit when it comes to him. That isn’t a bad thing, is it now?

Embarrassingly, I sort of like it when he’s like this because he’s all cuddly and needy and whiny like he wants to be held all the fucking time and instead of being annoyed at how childish he sounds like, you’ll just give up and let him be.
While thinking how he is coping up right now, I gingerly press the gas harder and drive faster and surprisingly I ended up in our flat in no record time.

I call for Taron’s name softly as I step inside to the familiar scent of vanilla scented candles Taron has been keeping lately and the cozy ambiance of our flat. “Taron?”

The only answer I got is the deafening silence that envelops the place.
I start to get worried all over again.

It only takes seconds for me to find him, as a pathetic cough comes from the direction of our bedroom. Taron is curled up on the bed as he softly whips his head at the door, trying to sit up when he sees me. I stride over to the bed and crouch down at his side, keeping a hand on his shoulder to keep him lying down.

“It’s okay. I got you.” I gingerly brush the hair out of his forehead as he closes his eyes.

“Oh baby.” pushing my eyebrows together as I take in Taron’s form. Taron’s normally sunny and giddy face is replaced by extreme paleness except for his nose and cheek spotted with red flush. Taron’s usually green/blue eyes are unfocused and glassy as he looks up at me and pulls the cover up to his chin as he shivers lightly from the bed.

It’s not that he didn’t catch a bug before but everytime I see him in a state like this my heart squeezes painfully. “Oh, T.”

I  gently press a kiss at Taron’s heated forehead. He makes a contented sigh at the cool touch and I gently run a finger to his hair. “I wish I’d known you’d be sick like this again.”

“Your job is more important.” He says with his eyes close, his voice raspy.

“You are more important than everything. You know that, right?” I murmur, stroking his eyebrow. “I need you to know that, yeah?”

Taron gave me one of his Taron smiles, that looks so happy and innocent yet so fucking sexy and I’m amazed that he still looks breathtaking even with a fever. “Yes. I know.”

I stand between the dresser and the bed as I remove my clothing, my back facing Taron.

“I don’t think I have enough energy to have sex with you right now.” he says teasingly in a low raspy voice.

“I wish we could but next time.” I say, laughing as I pick up a jumper and sweats from the dresser. I put them on and grab another blanket from the dresser and I stride again at Taron’s side to remove the duvet and tuck him on with it. I pull the duvet back up to him again then I crouch down on his side and say, “I’ll be right back.” I start to stand when he whines and grabs my wrist weakly, “Where are you going?” he asks.

“I’ll just get you something to ease up the pain. Be right back.” I try to move away but he grips my wrist harder, giving me his best puppy dog eyes, “No. Stay.”

“Baby, I’ll be back before you know it, okay?” I say as I loosely brush the hair away that sticks from his forehead and kiss him lightly on the lips. I don’t care if I also catch a flu. We’ll be stuck in bed together, that’s for sure.

I disappear to the bathroom to get the medicine box and make way to the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice and a hot soup. After a few moments, I return to the room with a tray laden with orange juice, a bowl of steaming soup, paracetamol, water, and a bottle of vitamin C. Taron squints a little at it, trying to figure out the things in my hand.

Settling the tray on the nightstand, I sit down on the edge of the bed. "I have taken the paracetamol a while ago.” He says as I help him sit up with an arm around his shoulder. “That’s okay, babe. If you don’t feel like having the soup, you can just take little slurps but you need to drink the juice and the vitamin C, okay?” He nods and I feed him the soup until he shakes his head no.

He accepts the cool glass of orange juice from my hand and takes a few sips. I hand him the tablets and he downs them with a grimace. I hum in approval, “Feeling a bit better now?”

“Yes, I think so.” He says, leaning his head back against the headboard. “You’re so sweet. I love you.”

I take the glass back and help Taron settle down again, climbing on the bed next to him.

He faces me and I peck his lips twice. His lips are cold from the juice. “It’s all good.”

We stare for a little longer then I say “You’re very pretty.” He closes his eyes and chuckles, Goddamn it. How can he look really pretty even if he’s sick. It’s so unfair.

“I have a flu Y/N, I’m really sure I look pretty shit right now.”

I lightly run my fingers through his scalp and say, “That’s the thing, it’s pretty unfair how you still look pretty even if you’re pretty sick.”

He finds it funny how I’ve used ‘pretty’ multiple times. He looks at me funnily and chuckles deeply as he hugs me tighter to him “Okay, you’ve made your point pretty clear.”

“I pretty sure did.”

When our laughs die down. We stare at each other again then he says “Thank you for being here, Y/N. I love you.”

I unconsciously run my thumb over his eyebrow. It seemed to relax him. “You know that I’d do anything for you, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He leans to kiss me and he tastes like orange juice. He pulls away quickly “Shit. I’m sorry. I forgot I’m sick. You’re probably gonna catch the flu-I’m sorry, shit.” he rumbles weakly and regretfully.

Giggling, I cup the back of his neck, quickly leaning in to kiss him again. Running my tongue on his bottom lip asking for entrance, he obliges and we snogged for a while. “Are you ready to cuddle with me tomorrow all day?”

“How about your work? I thought you haven’t finished it yet?” He asks me, a worried expression on his face.

“It’s halfway done. Just a few touches and it’s all done”

“Won’t Lauren get mad at you?”

“No she won’t.”

He sighs loudly and says “Okay.”

His eyes are starting to get droopy as he stares at me. “Go to sleep, Taron.”

“Okay. Goodnight Y/N. I love you.”

He hugs me tighter to his flaming hot body (no pun intended) and I settle my head on his chest.

“Goodnight, Taron. I love you.”

—–

It’s still snowing outside when I woke up. I shiver lightly not because it’s cold but I’m feeling really cold, like it’s a bad case of getting chills. And then the room starts to spin when I opened my eyes. My muscles hurt and everything. Every part of my body seems to hurt and I can barely move.

I moan loudly, feeling like shit and the arm wrapped around gently on my waist gets tighter.

“Guess we’re stuck in this bed all day?” Taron mumbles. His voice laced with sleep.

I laugh lightly and say, “Guess we are.”

Taron kisses my hair, “Go back to sleep, Y/N.”

I answer him by pressing my body further to his warm body. Feeling content with the boy I love the most.

//Admin ramble time!!
OMG GUYS THIS BLOG HAS REACHED 90 FOLLOWERS! ?!?!
Im on break at work right now and I seriously might cry from happiness I didnt ever think id get past 40 followers since this is a traditional art ask blog but just wow
I love each and every one of you guys and i extend internet hugs to all of you!! *all the hugs*
We’re only 10 away from 100 and i feel like I should ask what you guys would want to see to celebrate that?? Comment on this post and ill go through your suggestions after work ^^ Would you want more backstory for this au? Just a thank you drawing? Please tell me any suggestions you have because i really really love hearing from you guys!
Again thank you all!! Ill probably do another ramble thingy if i actually get to 100 but yeah bye for now!!
~Joy out

adventure maps+first Tekkit -> old mod testing -> yoglabs -> moooOOONQUEST -> yoglabs part 2 -> voltz -> tekkit -> yogscraft -> original MC series -> survival island -> shadow of israphel

some kind of crazy mixture between this and a bit of this

alright so a few points before I start delving

1. YogLabs is the laboratory under the sands in SoI

2. the evil under the sands in Shadow of Israphel is science. science is only found in places with cult activities/under the sands/soon to be taken over the sands, which would be 

  • under the big desert along with YogLabs
  • the mechanical turtle thing which has sand over it
  • Skyhold, with cultist activities and made of sandstone

3. Lewis having control over who lives and who dies in YogLabs is a reference or a call-back to The Journey (at the end), where he chooses to burn down the town, becoming the Grim Reaper (a thing which has control over life and death). The Journey is one of the first, if not THE first moment where Lewis was evil/dark, and if that isn’t one giant ball of foreshadowing I’m disappointed.

4. Xephos isn’t William Riker, but some kind of distaff counterpart 

so we start with Xephos landing on the planet because of a reason unknown. Honeydew is born in the dwarf city of Stoneholm when he sees a spaceship crash or something and goes over to pick up Xephos. Xephos has lost most of his memories but has an intense curiosity about the world which he has landed in, leading to those old mod tests they use to do way back in the day which YogLabs replaced later on. at first, they go on adventures (the adventure maps), which makes them hailed as a hero (this is why in SoI everyone calls them heroes and there’s a mural of them on the wall). during those times, Xephos sometimes also finds out more about the world through the old mod tests. naturally, it turns into a point where he invents scientific stuff and starts YogLabs (the Tekkit mod spotlight episode was one of the last ones and personally I think that’s the gateway from mod spotlight -> YogLabs)

in one of the earlier YogLabs, Honeydew is shown to spawn from Stoneholm, this is explained here that Honeydew still has not “set spawn/moved into” YogLabs, and once he gets an office there that’s fixed.

Keep reading

Schoolwork...? - Rapmonster SMUT

“Daamn, he’s soo smart!” 

“I told you so,” you said to your friend. 

“So, what are you gonna do?”

“Beat him.”

“You sure?”

“Do I look THAT stupid? Dude I can work it out! I’m sure I can get better grades than him,” you explained.

“I mean, why does that even matter?”

“Because…” you were looking for reasons to hate him, to not like him, to move on. “He can’t just walk in the hallways thinking like he’s everything people have ever wanted to be!”

“Well, okay… is your IQ higher than him? Or at least close to his IQ?”

“IQ isn’t everything..”

“Whatever you say.. I’m going home now.. see you!”

“Bye..” you waved your hands at your friend who was now leaving you alone at the school gate. You were waiting for your mom to  pick you up, but apparently your mom is a little late because of her work.

You looked across the street. There he is. you thought, looking at a guy, tall and fair, obvious platinum-blonde dyed hair. He was busy with his phone in one hand, and was holding a thick ass book with his other hand. It’s not like you like him, you’re kind of jealous of him at the moment. Yes, jealous. Jealous of his grades, and brain. Though you cant deny the fact that he was your ex-boyfriend. Suddenly he realises that someone has been staring at him the whole time and look up. You immediately tried to avoid his eye contact but he caught you first. He waved his hand and smile brightly. 

No. pls stop. do not come here. n o. “Hey, (y/n)! How are you?” shit. you thought. He reached the other side of the road sooner than you thought. “I’m good,” you answered shortly. “Waiting for someone?” he asked, standing right next to you. “Yea, my mom..” “Oh.. it’s been a while.. I havent seen her either,” he said sounding a little excited. 

After a moment of waiting in silence with him, your mom came. Finally! you said quietly. “Uh.. I have to go.. by-” “Namjoon-ah! (y/n), you never tell me that youre still hanging out with him,” she said to you as she waved at him. “Uh.. mom…?” “Ah yes.. How are you, Mrs. (y/l/n)?” “I’m good.. we’re good! thank you.. don’t you want to go over for dinner?” “Ah yes-” “Eomma, he got a lot of things to do.. homework and such,” you cut his words. Of course you didnt want him to come over, why would you? “It’s okay… you can finish your schoolworks together. Sounds good?” you had no choice but to play along with your mom.

—————————————————————————————–

“Thank you so much for the food,” he said as he walked out to the door. “Oh please, don’t leave just yet. I need you to stay. I can’t let my daughter stay at home alone. You know there’s some serial killers out there lately, don’t you? So please, accompany my daughter.. Help her with her schoolworks..” your dad explained, looking right into Namjoon’s eyes. You were in the kitchen helping your mother so you didn’t know what was happening at the doorsteps. “I guess I cant say no..” he laughed nervously. “You’re like a family to me already..” he continued. “Thank you so much..”

Right after your parents left, you went out of your kitchen and found Namjoon sitting comfortably in your living room. “Where’s mom and dad?” you asked coldly. “They went.. left us alone.. again.” He got up from the couch and walked slowly to you. “Ugh.. why..?” you sighed. He keeps walking towards you. “They didn’t say anything.” you just realised the change in his tone and the way he looks at you. “Uh.. what are you doing..? We should do our homework..” you asked nervously as he started to hold your waist. “I missed you..” he then put some of your hair aside, and kissed your neck on the same spot that youve always liked. “Ah~ Nam~joon..” you moaned. “No. I cant.” you pushed him away but his grip is too tight. You looked at his eyes and the way he kisses you, same lust, same love. But you just dont feel the same way to him anymore, or at least that’s what you thought. 

He reached for your lips and kiss you sloppily. You tried not to kiss back but your lips cant deny that they actually miss his sexy lips. He bit your bottom lip and put his tongue inside your mouth. You keep kissing him back even though you feel like you dont want to. He then pulled back, leaving a string of saliva that connected your mouths. “I missed you so much..” he said looking right into your eyes while shaking you. Before you could say anything he kissed you once again and bring you to your room, bridal style. 

He put you down on your bed slowly, like he’s holding something very precious. He hovers on top of you and start kissing you again. “You know I’ve missed you.. right?” he asked. He looks like he hasnt get any sleep for some days. “Are you okay?” you asked. “NO! I’ve missed you so much!” he keeps telling you that he misses you. He starts kissing you again and explore your thighs with his hands. “Namjoon~” you moaned between your kisses. 

He starts to unbutton your shirt while still kissing you. He rubs your stomach as his hand meets your skin. “Ah~” another moan escapes your mouth. He then slides down your skirt, leaving your in your bra and panties. He pulls away to take his clothes off. “You havent say anything.. but I guess your panties explain a lot..” he said looking at your soaking wet panties. You unclasped your bra and he slides down your panties. He spreads your legs and start to suck on your pussy. You’re a moaning mess as he lick your clit up and down. Then he put his tongue into your hole. Your moans get louder as you get more pleasure from his touch. A moment later you cum in his mouth and he swallowed it. “I miss the way you tasted…” he said going back to your mouth, letting you taste your own cum. In no time, you slid down his boxers and grab his throbbing member. “You.. grew..” you said looking at his bigger size. He smirked sexily, knowing that he’s wanted by you. You squeeze his member and move it up and down slowly. His moans fill up the space in your room. You pick up the space as you think that he needs more. “Ah~~ I think I’m cumming…” he said. But you stopped and went up to kiss him once. Then you move your head down to give him a blow. You start sucking his tip, while your hands massaging his balls. Another moan escapes his mouth. You then continue to suck on his full length and move it up and down until he cums. “Swallow,” he ordered.

He moved you to a more comfortable space on your bed and hovers on top of you. He put his tip inside your entrance and pushed himself in. As he’s working with his job in a slow pace, his hand reach for your nightstand and take out a vibrator from the drawer. He set the vibrator on medium mode and put it on your clit. He placed his other hand next to your head for a support. “I missed you so much…” he said once again, kissing you on the lips lustfully. “Ah~ faster naamj~oon..” he obeyed your order and also set the vibrator on the high mode. yours and his moans escapes through both of your mouths and filled the room. you hoped that no one is coming home when youre still doing this with namjoon. He keeps his pace fast and try to keep the vibrator on your clit. “(y/n)~” he moans your name as the sweat on his face drops everywhere. He looks so much better than his usual look.  you thought. “I’m cumming~” he managed to let the words out in the middle of his moans. “Me too~” you said while moaning. With one last deep and hard thrust you both cum on each other.

“That was the best so far..” he said. “I miss you..” he said kissing you while he’s still on top of you, collapsed. “I miss you too..” you said kissing him back. He then rolled to your side. “Hey, your phone’s ringing..” “Wow, I guess we were so loud that we couldnt hear my phone ringing,” you said laughing. He passed you your phone and you looked at it. 10 missed calls. 5 messages. “Your parents?” he asked. “Yeah.. It’s alright.. they left some messages, saying that they’re not gonna be home today..” you said. “Good! that means I can spend more time with you..” he said kissing you on the forehead.

IM SORRY

i haven’t been posting lately AT aLL and honestly its mainly because i have been procrastinating so much recently because i have 0 motivation or dedication lol i suck. i have also been really busy for instance on thursday i went on my duke of Edinburgh expedition (look it up because its complicated) and so i’m in much pain right now. i also have had exams and they are still not over which is the most annoying thing ever. so basically i haven’t had time to go in game and edit and stuff and when i did have time i just slept. can you really blame me?? probably yeah.
this post is just a bunch of excuses and i’m sorry i might just work on some townie makeovers and post them? because a) i enjoy them and b) they are easy and many people like them right?? ok thanks bye guys ily and have a nice day//night :)

  • Me: I ship this one thing.
  • Someone else: So you don't ship this other thing.
  • Me: I don't understand.
  • Someone else: You can't ship both things.
  • Me: Why not?
  • Someone else: Because they're competing.
  • Me: No they're not.
  • Someone else: But they share a common character, they both can't be canon.
  • Me: What the flying fuck does that have to do with anything??
  • Someone else: If it can't be canon, then you shouldn't ship it.
  • Me: No, if it can't be canon, that's what FANDOM IS FOR.
  • Someone else: But if you ship a canon thing, you can't ship the non-canon thing.
  • Me: What the hell? Why not? I can ship what I please.
  • Someone else: Because they're competing.
  • Me: They're really really not. In fact, I'm going to go and aggressively ship both things AT THE SAME TIME now.
  • Someone else: Wait no! That's not-
  • Me: BYE BYE, GONNA GO MAKE IT WORK.
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