My fiancé broke up with me. I am trying to see the beauty in my suffering and how this can better connect me with Jesus and my community, but no matter how hard I try, I still feel awful. I know that God has the power to change his heart because he and I have resolvable issues. I really believe that he is in God's plan for me. I am having a hard time understanding how God's plan for me includes so much suffering and separating me from my beloved?
Sometimes all we can do is feel–feel the hurt, feel the pain, feel the aftereffects of what feels like our world imploding. There’s nothing I can say to help what you’re feeling, but know that now is the time to lean into Jesus more than ever. He is right there with you, and He will see you through this.
As for trying to understand His plan for you, it’s hard. And a lot of the time we don’t know what is and isn’t His plan. I was abused as a child, and while I know that God did not want that to happen (my abuser was human and a sinner and had free will and used it in negative ways), I also know that He is helping me to use that hurt and history to glorify Him, because He’s the one who saved me. He’s the reason I’m still here. He’s… everything.
So keep in mind that we never know what His plan is for us. Maybe His plan does involve your ex, but also, maybe it doesn’t. It’s going to be hard no matter what happens, but know that everything you’re feeling will eventually lift. You will smile again, laugh again, love again.
For now, though, talk to God. Talk to Him and read His Word and know that He will never leave you. Know that it’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to be sad or angry or confused. It’s okay. Just trust Him. He’s got this. One day, you’ll understand.
Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” - John 13:7
I’ll be praying for you, love.
All my love,