because it only airs tonight in the us

Pour Up - Part 3

Summary: EXO Mafia AU ~ Yixing is an operative for his crime family, the Kims, and his next mission is to kidnap you, an heiress, for a ransom. He’s been doing this all his life, he’s prepared for this - or so he thinks…until he meets you.

Pairing: Yixing x You

Note: Slight influence of The Godfather

Warnings: Language 

[Mini Masterlist]

SPECIAL FEATURE ALERT: This is a reader-interactive fic, so in the box below, if you enter a name (yours or a character’s, for example), and click “submit”, it will swap out “Y/N” for that name. Y/L/N stands for “your last name.” None of the information entered is stored. This feature does not work on dashboard/feed/mobile app unfortunately.

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Originally posted by katherine8595

Yixing’s POV

Yixing hasn’t moved for four hours. Not a single muscle – except for maybe his diaphragm and lungs, but that’s involuntary anyway.

His hands have lost feeling from white-knuckling the wheel of the car he’d jacked, even though it’s parked, and his whole body is taut with tension. The slightest breeze might snap him in half. He’s not really paying attention to this though – instead, all his focus is on the mansion, specifically, the upper east window with the lights on. Suho’s study.

Yixing is home.

He’s parked outside of the gates, far enough away that it doesn’t seem like he’s waiting for entrance, but close enough to get a last good look at the place. He won’t be returning.

The first thing he did after leaving the warehouse was find a car – it had taken him less than three minutes to find one, break in, and hotwire it - but after turning on the engine, Yixing realized that he had nowhere to go. He had no life, no friends, no anything outside of the family and the underworld. So he’d just started driving aimlessly until he found himself here, the place he’d spent the better part of his life in. The place where he used to feel safe.

His teeth grind against each other.

He’d considered going in one just one more time. Just to see the look on Suho’s face – but that’s the thing. Yixing knows in his heart that Suho won’t look ashamed or surprised or sorry for leaving him to die. If anything, he’ll probably just throw him a disappointed sigh like, I knew I should have sent one of my other boys. In his eyes, the only takeaway from this whole mess is that Yixing has failed, losing him a lot of money and wasting weeks of careful preparation.

So, no. He isn’t going in ever again. He just…needed to see it once more.

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Jamming Out

for @theneonflower

Fandom: Little Witch Academia | Pairing: Dianakko
Word Count: 1,044 | Read Time: ~4 minutes

Akko danced around her room while she cleaned, twirling and singing along to the different songs that came on her MP3. She had decided at the beginning of her disciplinary chore that she would at least have fun with it. The last time she was told to clean something didn’t go too well but that was only because she was barely able to focus without something to keep her mentally occupied. And boy did she put on quite a show while she was cleaning.

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The West Wing Retrospective:  This has footage from the online-only promo which circulated in the days leading up to the series finale, including some of the B-roll of the last day of filming which was used by Entertainment Tonight and the like. In other words, this footage would have been in the retrospective special which was supposed to happen, then got cancelled because of a compensation dispute. Which was why the pilot episode aired before the series finale. Personally, I can’t believe this has been sitting on Vimeo for five years and I haven’t found it until now; I have been like Jed looking for the White House underground tunnels. If you are One of Us, this is a lost treasure. GIF-set creators: Go!

anonymous asked:

Hi! Which B1A4 non-title tracks are your favourite? I listened to Nightmare from Good Timing and fell in love..Could you recommend some songs by them please? Thank you🙂🙂

hey anon!!! ikr nightmare is so good bless songwriting god cnu… 

i had an ask similar to this one that i answered a little while ago but i cant find it… so ill do it again lol itll just be my fave non-title tracks from each album!!!

Let’s Fly:

  • Only Learned Bad Things ((this one has an mv))
  • Bling Girl
  • Only one

It B1A4:

  • My Love
  • Fooool

Ignition (Special Edition):

  • Because of You
  • This Time Is Over 
  • Just the Two of Us
  • Feeling
  • Smile
  • Wonderful Tonight Unplugged Remix

In the Air:

  • If…
  • Be My Girl
  • In the Air

What’s Happening?:

  • Starlight Song
  • Yesterday
  • Good Love

Who Am I:

  • Amazing
  • Baby
  • Too Much
  • Pretty
  • Drunk With Music
  • Road
  • Seoul

Solo Day:

  • You Make Me a Fool
  • A Glass of Water
  • Drive

Sweet Girl:

  • After 10 Years
  • Wait
  • Love is Magic/Let’s Be Happy

Good Timing:

  • The Moment I Fall For You Again 
  • In a Dream
  • To My Star
  • Melancholy 
  • Drunk on You
  • I Will Find You
  • Together  

i rly limited myself for this one and i missed a lot of songs i like but i hope this helps you out !!!!

10 songs thing

 So @apocalyptichero tagged me for this “List 10 songs you’re currently vibing on” thing. I honestly don’t listen to music as much as I used to, because whenever I’m in the car I pretty much only listen to audiobooks. But I’ll give this a shot.

  1. Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In) - Kenny Rogers and the First Edition
  2. Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden
  3. Don’t Touch Me (Gerudo Valley) - Busta Rhymes/Team Teamwork
  4. Come a Little Bit Closer - Jay and the Americans
  5. Smooth - Neil Cicierega
  6. F.N.T. - Semisonic
  7. Take On Me - Reel Big Fish
  8. In The Air Tonight - The Protomen
  9. Misery Business - Paramore
  10. Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf

And now I’m supposed to tag 10 people. @askkakuro, @tflatte, @out-there-on-the-maroon, @ariibatchelder, @lunarsolareclipse, @maxiimumriide, @conjurewithrisk, @zora-zen, @mordinsolus, @jazzy-kandra

You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, obviously.

I just heard my name broadcast on a Numbers Station.

A numbers station just broadcast my name. That was a week ago.

I’m an addict. Anything I can ge tmy hands on, I’ll abuse. Drugs, sex and everything in between. But my addictions aren’t limited to the conventional. I’ll be sucked into an author’s works for weeks and weeks, reading everything they’ve written and piecing it together into a mental tapestry. My behaviour isn’t life changing, it’s not the way it’s portrayed on TV. I haven’t sacrificed everything for my habits. Yet.

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The Walking Dead: Beth’s Journey

As you all know, I’ve extensively researched, recovered, and catalogued the missing season 5 spoilers that are connected to Emily/Beth. The most notable spoilers are the white houses that were used for filming on May 23rd and 24th respectively. There is even evidence that she filmed during season 6. Emily filmed throughout almost all of season 5, starting from 5x02 up to the finale. That is a lot. At the earliest, Beth would be back in late October if she returns in the premiere. By then most of this season’s episodes will have been filmed. Beth’s backstory episode(s) would naturally take up space of what people would think are going to be normal episodes, and so there would be a gap in filming. (This is all assuming though that her return and her backstory are shown in the same reason).

If Beth is back by the end of 7x08, people will spend the hiatus wondering what happened to her. What AMC could do instead of having specific bottle episodes for her during TWD season is to play her episodes during the hiatus as a mini series to generate hype and promote Beth.

It takes about a week to film an episode, and she was filming throughout the entire season. Not only did she, and the rest of the cast too, film on days separate from filming like the white houses, during what would have been 502 filming, but they also filmed scenes on days while filming regular episodes. During filming 5x10, Norman posted a picture of his hand covered in blood, and it’s too dark and congealed to not be walker blood. He also had on Beth’s knife, so they were probably in the process of switching between scenes - that of Them as well as the scene(s) for the 17 days. (Interestingly security was extremely tight as no one could get pictures except at the make-up trailers, and someone reported seeing Emily, even though this was forgotten once photographs of the cast came out). Beth’s story would similar to Slabtown for the most part in that the scenes are centered around only Emily, and Slabtown was filmed in faster than normal.

The timing would fit as TPTB could use the marketing as November-December is the best time to sell merchandise because of Christmas shopping. Gale Anne Hurd described Beth’s story as a journey before season 5 aired and many pictures posted by Mcfarlane of Beth’s action figure depict Beth alone in the wild, like she’s on a journey. It would also be the final nail in the coffin of the argument that Beth is a minor, unimportant character. Imagine the promotion: Catch the first episode of The Walking Dead: Beth’s Journey tonight at 9! The network has done miniseries before like The Night Manager. 

Originally posted by stydiaeverafter

If they don’t do this they need to hire me for marketing.

✨Squad Goals Season 2 Episode 11 Pt. 2: 3some✨

“Harry please put on some pants.” Zayn says with an annoyed groan towards his friend, but Harry, who has decided to wear a tight pair of white underwear shakes his head adamantly.

“It’s a slumber party. Tell him that this is how I slumber loves” Kendall nods and shrugs before pulling the ribbon of her silk robe a bit tighter. Cara on the other hand grabs a handful of one of his pert ass cheeks and plants a noisy kiss on his cheek.

“Isn’t he adorable?” Cara says, tapping the pop star on his nose causing the both of them to break into smiles.

“Zara is adorable.” Zayn reasons with a look of mild disgust aimed at Harry. At the mention of Zara, Gigi comes downstairs with the fussing baby, a stressed and disheveled looking nanny following closely as the model mom barked orders.

“Can we go already?” Za says impatiently, he, Justin, and Khalil are wearing matching red onesies and chilling by the door as we have yet to leave.

“By the time we get there Taylor and friends will probably be asleep. Past their bedtime and all” Kylie digs and despite my decision to be an adult tonight a snort escapes my lips.

Swift Mansion
It would seem that all of the girls from Taylor’s ‘Bad Blood’ music video as well as some other familiar faces are at her house, each running around in silky, short pajamas. Khalil and Za go crazy and immediately begin talking to a group of them.

“I feel like we’re outnumbered ” Justin whispers to Zayn, hinting at the female to male ratio. I’m about to respond when Taylor herself approaches us and pulls Justin and I into a huge hug.

“I’m soooooo happy that you two showed up!” She’s clearly drunk if the fruity pink drink in hand is any confirmation.

“You are?” I ask in surprise and she nods wildly,

“Yeah! I told some of the girls that Justin was coming and they freaked the fuck out” I’m immediately defensive and Justin seems to sense my change in demeanor and grabs me around the waist.

“Drinks are over there have fun guys!” Then she danced her lanky self across the room and plops onto the lap of a bored looking Calvin Harris.

“We should’ve stayed at Drake’s” Justin mumbles as Zendaya and Louis wave at us from the living room.

“Come on. Let’s get wasted” Kylie says coming between the both of us and supporting herself on our shoulders. We follow her to the open bar and grab a few of the girly drinks that line the counter, hoarding them in our arms and sloshing the contents everywhere. Taylor wouldn’t mind, the place was already trashed. We take a seat on a couch opposite of Selena and Nick who are having what looks to be a heated conversation.

“You know I hate it when you drink this much” Nick hisses and Selena looks completely unaffected as she knocks back a shot of tequila.

“You are still the same little boy who rocked a purity ring aren’t you?” She taunts and Nick’s cheeks turn red as hell. Selena pokes at his chest with a drunken smile and shakes her head several times,

“We’re grown ups now Nick. You might sing some grown up songs but you are still a fucking Jonas Brother.” Nick looks livid and without another word he stands up from the couch and stomps his way to the front door. Selena raises her glass at us and says with her perfect sarcastic tone,

“Kids!” Justin smiles at her and she returns it with a radiant grin before focusing that grin on me and waving.

“Hey Rhiannon, we still cool?” I think back to how she joined us for dinner at Chili’s and nod,

“We’re cool.” She does a fist pump in the air and then takes another shot.

“Good because I really need some friends tonight” Kylie let’s out a huff of disapproval and pulls out her phone turning to me to explain her sudden anger,

“This isn’t my scene. I think that Rakim is at his place if he is I’m out.” I nod in understanding and snatch her drink she looks totally offended. I point to the camera that’s panning the party and sip at my stolen drink.

“You’re only 18 sweetheart!” Selena clarifies and Kylie, who’s had enough, stands up and leaves.

“You want to stay babe?” Justin asks as he watches Taylor dance across the room cringing every time she attempts to dab.

“Please stay! Please please please!” Selena begs standing from her place on the couch and stumbling over to us. We steady her and she sits in the middle of us, a content smile on her red lips.

“Let’s get a round” she snaps her fingers and a few attendants show up with trays of pink drinks. The three of us spend the next three hours shooting back cocktails and various margaritas.

Three hours later

I can’t stop fucking giggling. Giggling when Justin grinds his straining erection against my ass, giggling when Selena Gomez pulls me in for a kiss, giggling when Justin pulls off my pajama top and tosses it to the floor of one of Taylor Swift’s many guest bedrooms. Just giggling my damn ass off.

“Is this okay?” Justin asks me trailing a line of heated kisses down my neck as I struggle to open Selena’s lacy blue front clasp bra. I nod and then kiss her again. She tastes like pink lemonade and lime. Justin moans and walks over to the bed and sits down with a grunt. I pull away from her lips and she smiles at me I smile back and offer her my hand.

She takes it, almost shyly, and follows me to the bed.

“Do you have protection? I’m on birth control but just to be sure…” Selena says and I can tell that the severity of what we’re all about to do has sobered her up considerably. Justin reaches around int he pockets of his onesie and comes up empty.

“Rhi and I never use condoms…” Selena nods and looks around the room before hopping off the bed and walking into the adjoining restroom. As she is gone Justin sheds the onesie, leaving him in a pair of Calvins. Selena returns with a box of condoms, and a satisfied grin.

“Compliments of Taylor Swift” she says waving around the box and tossing it at Justin. She climbs back onto the bed and reaches for me again and soon we’re kissing languidly above Justin who strokes our hair, lightly pressing us together.

“You are a bomb ass kisser” Selena says and Justin laughs in agreement,

“Thank you, you are too” Selena smiles and then looks down at Justin. She hesitates for a few moments and I can tell that she’s trying to ask for my permission to kiss him. I nod and she leans down and plants a soft kiss to his lips that he responds to immediately. My heart stutters a few times and I want to look away but there’s something strangely erotic about the scene.

He touches her cheek and palms one of her breasts and with eyes closed she beckons me closer with just one finger. I sit on top of Justin and feel the hardness of his length underneath the silky bottoms of my pajama shorts. He and Selena are still kissing but he reaches his free hand out and I clasp it with mine before I start grinding against him. He moans, breaking their kiss and then I lean down to kiss him.

Selena pulls off her pants and now she sits next to us in only a pair of panties. Justin and I stop kissing for a few moments and he holds my face tightly between his hands.

“Do you want to do this? You couldn’t stand the thought of me kissing Kylie… What’s changed?” He was right. As per usual. I wanted to tell him it was because of the alcohol but then he would call the entire thing off thinking that he was taking advantage of me.

I wanted to tell him that I wanted to take this adventure with him and if that person happened to be Selena Gomez then…So be it.

“I’m curious.” I tell him simply and he nods in understanding.

“I love you” he whispers and Selena blushes before looking away. I nuzzle my nose with him and reach behind me to slip a hand down his boxers. He thrusts upwards and this makes Selena giggle.

“Eager?” She asks and I join in on her laugh,

“This is like number ten on my bucket list” I tell the both of them and Justin looks surprised.

“Wow. Then what fuck is in the top five?” He says sitting up a little I smirk and push him back down

“Maybe I’ll tell you one day”


We end up further up on the bed and my hair is splayed against a pillow and Selena hovers over me, stroking my hair

“What shampoo do you use?” She slurs a little, twirling a strand of my hair around a long, acrylic nail tipped finger. I reach up and notice that her hair is just as soft as my own. If not softer.

“Pantene” I say and she starts beaming before doing a frantic hair flip that slaps Justin in the face,

“I’m their cover girl!” She says battling against Justin when he tries to play wrestle her out of the way.

“Yeah I’ve seen the commercials haha what’d you make off of them like $3 mill?” She nods and falls back against Justin. Who peppers her neck with languid kisses. Soon he’s pushing her to lay down next to me and with a single movement he’s out of his Calvin’s with his dick slapping lewdly against his abs.


Rhiannon’s nails dig into my biceps as I slip into her opening. The feeling is a bit different than what I’m used to due to the condom that’s been rolled onto my dick. She’s wet, warm, and tight as usual and I glance at Selena and wonder how I’m going to last long enough for the both of them. Selena. I was confident in saying that she was a beautiful girl, and yeah, she was turning me on but I felt nothing for her.

Not even the sisterly bond I share with Kylie. Right now she was just my friend whom I was about to fuck. In front of my girlfriend… How many drinks had I had? Must have been a lot because here I was grinding into Rhiannon as Selena ran her fingers back and forth over the taut skin of my back.

“Justin, Justin.” Rhiannon’s eyes are closed and I can feel the way her stomach clenches whenever o go deep enough to stimulate her G spot. Selena gets bold and reached between our moving bodies to caress Rhiannon’s engorged clit. At first she gasps at the sensation and tries to scoot away from both of our efforts, but then she succumbs to the pleasure and her walls quiver and suck around me.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” she curses and I pull out with a kiss and a grin. Still hard and straining within the confines of the condom I focus on Sel who’s stroking in between her legs, her vagina glistening under the faint lamp in the room.

“Go slow? It’s been a while” she pleads and I take her hand before lowering myself on top of her.


The first time that I ever watched porn my computer got a virus and I had to lie to my parents and say I had been trying to download an illegal music library. Now, at this very moment, as Justin moved his hips expertly against Selena’s I felt like I was that 17 year old kid who’d tried to watch a porno.

His hips start to move a little faster and Selena’s moans get louder and suddenly he’s pulling out of her and ripping off the condom. I scoot closer to her and he showers both of us in ropes of his release, panting hard with his eyes squeezed shut.


“Fuckin hell” I whisper as Harry, Kendall, and I finish peaking into the guest room our friends had disappeared into. They’d left it open a crack and the noises had… made us more than curious. Harry starts to laugh, so hard in fact that Kendall has to clap a hand over his bloody mouth.

“ And I thought we were the  freaks” Kendall mutters and I shake my head and close the door quietly on the three people on the other side.

“ Let’s find another room shall we?” I suggest and that’s exactly what we do, Harry chortling all the way.

Hold Me Down

Harry Styles One-Shot

Recent Writing | Masterlist

Word Count: 6,014
Warnings: smut & language
Badlands Series 9/16


“I can’t believe you snuck out of there for me.” A chuckle left my lips as our hands worked simultaneously and quickly to strew each other’s clothes across the room.

His lips worked on my neck, making me groan. “Why wouldn’t I?” I felt him smile against my skin and closed my eyes in enjoyment.

“Won’t she wonder where you are?” I asked breathlessly and felt him shrug. By now our clothes were finally gone. I grazed my hands across his chest, reaching them behind his back, my fingertips feeling every speck of him. Every inch of him made me sweat.

Harry chuckled deeply, removing his lips from my body and lifting his head to hover over mine. I traced my fingers up to his cheeks, peeking down at his lips, having the hardest time breaking the trance they put me in. “Well,” He smirked down at me, “we’ll have to be quick then won’t we?” My thumbs toyed with his lips, plucking at them, feeling their curve under them. I trailed my gaze to his eyes, matching the pleading look written all over his face. I was used to quick.

I stared up at him, leaving my fingers in their place, but allowing my eyes to search all over him. I sucked in breath that weighed more then I thought it would. “This is so bad…” I muttered, my voice was barely audible, but I knew he could hear me. The smirk upon his lips disappeared as they parted. His eyes gazed down at me in sympathy.

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Holding To A Code: The Magician Arrow 3x04 Review

No Olicity tonight…save for a perfect entrance “What did I miss?” and Oliver looking absolutely relieved when he realized his girl was back home. I may have imagined it but…I believe I saw a little smile.

There was an interesting through line into tonight’s episode. Each character either made a vow or was trying to honor a vow.

I’m listening to some Mumford & Sons…hardcore “Broken Crown” on repeat.  There’s one line that I feel is incredibly pertinent to tonight’s episode:

But in this twilight, our choices seal our fate

Who we are, what we matters. It matters MOST when those beliefs are CHALLENGED. It is only when someone is standing against us that we can truly stand for what we believe in. Our choices? They matter. And they seal our fate.

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You and I

Prompts (3): Can I have a dean one shot where I almost die during one of the hunts and he thought he lost me??(:

Could you do one where Dean’s girlfriend (y/n) isn’t acting like herself and Dean is worried about her until he finds out she’s possessed and he has Sam exorcise her and then he starts freaking out that he almost lost her and is trying to protect her and she’s trying to reassure him that it’s okay and it gets like super passionate or something? Sorry if it’s too complicated or scattered :/ love your blog by the way!

Hi, I absolutely fell in love with your imagines. So, I thought I’d have one for myself too. Could you please write one where the reader and Dean are in a relationship and they have a big fight as Dean scolds and yells at the reader for risking their life on a hunt and then they make up with each other with a bit of fluff at the end?

Triggers: Exorcism, fear of death

Word Count: 1,783

Authors Note: Not sure how to wrap up the end of this imagine, which is probably the main reason I haven’t posted an imagine in a while. I conjoined three requests into one, so I hope it’s okay. Enjoy!

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Heaven beside you (CasxReader)

Request: May I request a reader x cas fic where cas keeps invading the reader’s personal space?

Name:  Heaven beside you

Author: Micia 

Fandom: Supernatural

Character: Castiel x Reader

Reader Gender: Female

Words: 1.628

Warnings:  none

(Y/N) ..First Name  //  (L/N) ..Last Name (Surname) // (N/N) ..Nickname

More One-Shots: (x)


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anonymous asked:

Kate's cousin, Sofia, moves in to Beckett's apartment (from Paris) and Castle is taken aback by how identical they look (ala FLO)

He hears the apartment door swing open and catches a glimpse of Beckett’s arms immediately wrapping around the woman in the entryway. Their murmured words and soft laughter fill the foyer and Castle can’t help but smile at the heartwarming sight of the two Becketts embracing.

It’s Kate’s cousin’s first night in the new apartment and his wife had suggested they welcome Sofia to her new home. He hadn’t minded, all too eager to meet another piece of her family, and he bounces on the balls of his feet as he awaits his introduction.

Kate pulls away from Sofia after a long hug, stealing one of the woman’s bags from her shoulders and leading her deeper into the apartment, chattering happily until they reach him in the kitchen. 

“It’s not Paris,” he hears Kate saying, eliciting a short scoff from her cousin. “But I think you’ll love it as much as I did.”

His jaw nearly drops.

“Castle, this is my cousin, Sofia,” Kate smiles while Sofia nods to him in greeting. “Sofia, this is my husband, Rick.”

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Till Dawn Music is a special music program. BTS was featured on its 15.12.14 broadcast from 2AM to 5AM JST [this is already technically 15.12.15].  In this episode they featured 41 BTS songs played for 3 hours. BTS had previously recorded the talk part probably when they were still in Japan. In addition, BTS’ VTR comment will be on air in MBS Chichin Puipui on 15.12.17.

JM: Good evening! I’m Jimin.
JH:  Good evening, this is JHOPE.
V: This is V.
RM: This is RapMonster.
JK: I’m Jungkook.
JN: This is Jin.
SG: This is Suga.

RM: We are Korea’s boy group, Boudan Shoundendan. We do hip-hop kind of music. We debuted in 2013. We’re a cool team.

V: We are really happy because tonight we are going to broadcast BTS’ songs only for 3 hours. Please keep us company until the end.

JK: First up, please listen to INEED U Japanese version which was released 12/08. Well, then Till Dawn Music, start!

♪INEEDU Jpn version♪

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remember how I said I just bought a used mountain bike off a friend? the street I had to go to was 127th street in Harlem, seeing that number was what inclined me to really go get it because I have an unusual and strange attraction with this number. It’s led me to a lot, even had me rethinking mathematics and wanting to understand how numbers behave, this is someone who despised math because I couldn’t understand it, now I love it because I don’t understand it. It’s the basis of a comic book I have had under construction for years now dealing with a multiverse.

but anyway today I had to do 3 tattoos so it cut into my time with my cousin and cosmos since we planned to watch it together tonight. so I went to get my bmx bike and left the mountain bike only to realize my bmx had its back tires aired out, idk how they were perfectly fine a few days ago. this made me have to use the mountain bike I got off the friend in 127th st. I went made it 10 mins late but in time to watch the rest.

here’s where it got weird for me and I started connecting dots. so my family is very up on this idea that I look so much like my grandfather (we even have the same line birthmark under our left foot) and so anything dealing with me is dealing with him according to them. so my aunt was on the phone with another aunt of mine (his daughters) and I overheard my other aunt say she had a dream with me, and the other one said “po juega el 27” (so play 27) and even though I was well into my dinner I caught that like I catch that number anywhere possible and quickly ask why that number? what does it have to do with me? and she tells me that this was my grandfather’s lucky number. he used to play a lot of lottery games and win with it, alternating between 27 and 72.

I went home to confirm all that with my mom and it’s all true. Now I’m like freaked out because I swear I have no recollection whatsoever of any of that and even confirmed that with my mom and asked if she ever told me about that when I was younger but nah.. I started thinking about this number when I hit my 20s and now it’s like 3D to me. None of this makes sense and it’s freaking me out a little.

            (to be the spiritual equivalent of a man in a suit
with kohl-rimmed eyes)
there are tufts of smoke across the sky and they look like
a little girl’s torn dress,
  maybe from falling, maybe from her father’s hands.
we are crossing the road
while looking up– the stars are hiding tonight,
    but we seek their absence
    because it reminds us of ours–
i want to run. 
i have feet like a bird’s: they do not like the taste of cement
too much. 
  my brother should have been a ghost.
(i am looking for a ghost. it is hiding with the stars.)
           the night is not really ours
 it is the leaves’ the crackles’ the chimneys’
 and we are just side-effects
 of this whole god routine; though when the crisp
       air bathes my eyes in tears
       and i find black smeared all over my cheeks,
i can only wipe it off with my sleeve
and roll it (, a snakeskin mimic,) and tilt back
my head
to another day,

there’s open fires and oil spills in the air tonight and i’m hiding under tables. covering ears, covering eyes as the cylinders burst; the city burns- and i spilling love, at the destruction you leave(left).

yesterday, i told myself that the ice caps melt only because they let the sun too close and baby i let you too close and i’m melting. between blood and sweat, you swim against the current and there’s no place for boats in my veins. 

baby, don’t get used to the warmth; i’m not your home and we’re both too queasy to live on house boats. we’re the drowning kind and the saving kind all at once and we’ll take the house down with us. 

standing here, we’re both fighting for the treasure and we’ll let it go, but we won’t give it to the other. if i can’t have it, you can’t either- but oh, the treasure in my bones and oh your digging hands. where do we go from here…

Chapter 14|Heartbreak Hotel

I’d been thinking and I knew for a fact I loved him, but I didn’t know if that could save us and keep me afloat. I could feel myself slipping and I knew it was only a matter of time until I really fell over the edge. I couldn’t allow him to steal my happiness so tonight we were meeting and I was putting everything out on the table; the depression along with the lack of effort and trust on both our parts. He would know exactly how I was feeling.  I wanted to clear the air, because the spat that had transpired between us was unacceptable. I wasn’t sure which hurt more: his words or his accusations. It was his conscience that had him stuck on stupid, but he needed to realize I wasn’t going to hurt him. He needed to battle with his internal demons, as did I so we could move forward separately. I was just hoping things would end amicably between us.

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