You know I have this theory that Bucky doesn’t remember killing Tony’s parents like at all. Which Sebastian Stan confirms funny enough.
So that makes me think back to the moment of horror on Bucky’s face and the tears in his eyes and it hits me.
Bucky is hearing himself murder them. Hes hearing himself murder Tony’s parents, his victims for what to him seems like the first time. The denial that Steve so effortlessly provided (”You didn’t have a choice.”) seems suddenly moot with the sounds of his victims echoing his ears.
Finally here’s the proof his vague jumbled memories failed to provide him. What Steve so readily dismissed; that hes a monster. One who can’t be trusted, because he doesn’t even remember them. He doesn’t remember doing this, but now he’ll never be able to forget the sounds of them dying at his hands.
So he’s freaking out and horrified. And then Tony says “Rogers did you know?”
When Steve says “Yes.” in that regretful tone of voice that doesn’t really sound regretful, Bucky realizes that Steve knew. He sat on that plane with him knowing Bucky murdered Tony’s parents.
Steve knew all along, all that time and even denied and pushed away the fact that Bucky STILL did it.
Bucky looks like he is fucking reeling and in shock. That face he makes is one of betrayal and confusion and horror. Steve knew how he felt. Steve knew what kind of shit Bucky was responsible for, he KNEW Bucky killed Tony’s parents and when he had the moment to tell Bucky he didn’t.
He had a perfect moment on that plane and didn’t tell him. (and someone somewhere is going, yeah but he did it to protect Bucky. and all I can say as see how well that excuse worked out with Tony. Bucky had the right to know.)
Bucky could put up with be hunted down, because he knew that was coming. He could put up with the his privacy and personal journal being violated, because part of him believes he deserves it. He put up with being dragged back into a fight he didn’t want unwillingly at of necessity and atonement, because the Winter Soldiers are bad news.
But not this. Before he’s forced yet again by both of them this time to defend himself and Steve, he feels a sense of loss, of betrayal and confusion. Because he can’t understand Steve keeping this from him. Either he is stable enough to fight this battle and therefore be trusted with his own past or he’s not.
Steve didn’t consider it important enough maybe, but Bucky’s not sure how something so earth shattering could be deemed trivial to Captain America and definitely not the little Punk from Brooklyn. He doesn’t see how it didn’t occurs to Steve and hes not sure he really wants to hear the excuses.
He vaguely remembers the Steve who put newspapers in his shoes and Bucky feels in his gut (something he hasn’t felt in a long time) that his Steve wouldn’t have kept this from him. Steve wouldn’t have done this.
And I think that’s a major reason Bucky decides to go back into cryo, with that fake strained smile.
He doesn’t trust his own mind, no, but he doesn’t think he can trust Steve with it either.
He betrayed them both.