because i will punch u in the face

if you’re struggling for AU ideas take a look-see at this list i wrote for my friend who dubbed it “better than the 10 commandments" 

1)     Coffee shop AU

i)       Barista and person who has a ridiculous coffee order

ii)      I’m worried about your coffee dependency

iii)     you accidentally poured boiling hot coffee over me so you’re responsible for taking me to A&E

iv)     you give me a different fake name every time you come into starbucks and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino

2)      Flower shop AU

i)       You buy a weird amount of flowers and I’m concerned as to why

ii)      I’m allergic to flowers but I work in a flower shop – you’re a customer who’s very confused as to why I’d do that

iii)     (this is also a good way to incorporate flower meanings eg, buying certain colours/types for person to represent feelings etc.)

3)      Library AU

i)       You’re overdue on this book and I want it so I’m tracking u the fuck down

ii)      I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying

iii)     The library’s pretty empty save for you and me and OH that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

4)      Awful first time meeting

i)       I accidentally punched you in the face when I was too overexcited about something

ii)      I thought you were my friend who’s just done something awful to me (read: cut my hair while I slept, dyed all of my clothes pink, etc. etc.) because you look similar from behind so I stormed up to you and shoved you from behind while calling you an asshole

iii)     You get the gist to this one

iv)     Oooh when you told me your name I thought you were joking because it’s fucking awful and I made a joke about it and things got awkward real fucking fast (perfect for a Hannibal au just saying)

5)      Weird places to meet/awkward meetings in general

i)       We live in the same block of flats but haven’t ever talked and Sunday morning we were both doing the walk of shame and had to stand in the lift together

ii)      “okay I know that being in the woods at 2am is a weird thing to be doing but my friend called me and- wait, why are you in the woods at 2am, fuck I’m going to die aren’t I?”

iii)     A personal favourite of mine – first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

iv)     We keep accidentally running into each other I’m not a stalker I swear

v)      You live across from me in our apartments and we smile when we see each other but we don’t really know each other and oh you’re the stripper at my friend’s stag do/hen night fuck this is really uncomfortable

vi)     “My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

6)      Friends to romance – pining and all that wonderful shit

i)       You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

ii)      I really like you but you’re my best friend’s ex

iii)     You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

iv)     Somewhere along the way of getting into bar fights together, staying up all night with movie marathons, other friendship things, I’ve fallen in love with you but oh my god this could ruin EVERYTHING

v)      Friends with benefits oh wait I like you

7)      FAKE DATING HOLY SHIT I LIVE FOR THIS

i)       It’s my highschool reunion and I need a hot date so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me

ii)      My homophobic parents are coming to visit will you pretend to date me as an extra “fuck you”?

iii)     There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

iv)     I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d stop trying to set me up with people but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in too deep I need a fake boyf ASAP

8)      Soulmate aus

i)       The first words your true love(s) will say to you are tattooed on you and why the fuck are their first words something really ridiculous like ‘I’ll pay you a tenner to punch me in the face’ or ‘quick what’s your favourite animal’ or ‘fucking shit hell holy fuck wow oh my god jesus h Christ fuck me’ etc. or even worse a really ridiculous song lyric like  the opening lines of uptown funk or a high school musical song or smthing did you have to serenade me the first time you saw me asshole?

ii)      You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or an overwhelming feeling that Thatcher was a good prime minister or an image in my mind of a fucking unicorn

iii)     The more ridiculous the better actually

iv)     Something like whenever your soulmate sings a duet you can’t help but join in and my fucking soulmate is in a goddamn band but I can’t sing for shit

v)      Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s what)

9)      Alternate universes for real

i)       Mermaids

ii)      Siren and asexual pirate who doesn’t understand why all his crew are losing their shit that person has a nice voice sure but what the fuck is happening

iii)     Hogwarts

iv)     We live in a world where the greek gods are real and you went and got yourself cursed and now I have to go on a fucking quest to sort this shit out why do I love you again?

v)      Pacific rim au (either they’re drift compatible or one of them is a ranger and the other stresses constantly bc what if they die yes I have read a fic like this no I didn’t come up with this one but it’s fucking good) (also if you haven’t seen that film go watch it now)

vi)     Literally any movie or book universe you like tbh just go for it

10)   Other aus that I like

i)       I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

ii)      We work in the same office and you have a goddamn squeaky chair and you wONT FUCKING STOP SQUEAKING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT ANNOYS ME

iii)     Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

iv)     It started to snow and I’m the only one of our friends who would go outside with you – I soon found out why none of the others would go out in the snow with you (this works best if they’re new friends who don’t know each other all that well) when you shoved a handful of snow down my back and declared snow war

v)      It’s nowhere near Christmas it’s literally still November would you calm down about Christmas wait no why are you getting the tree out no stop please stop (if you do this pre-relationship you can have the grouchy one secretly finding the other’s excitement endearing and falling in love with them actually that works for established relationship too)

vi)     Current partner got a new job in America (or other country far away) and we’re getting by on skype calls and emails but it’s not easy and then I met someone new (can be poly or can be finding the OTP person)

vii)   You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

viii)  Carrying on from 10.vii. you’ve caught me checking you out in what I thought was a subtle way too many times and now you’re calling me out on it what do I do???

ix)     You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

x)      You were waving at your friend behind me but I got confused and waved back at you and now I’m dying of embarrassment but you think it’s cute

xi)     I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious and shut up you dumb fuck you don’t know me aahhh

xii)   I’m a waiter at this wedding and you’re a drunk guest who will not stop hitting on me please I’m trying to work no I can’t dance with you omg let me find you some water

xiii)  Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

xiv)  You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close and the way you talk is kind of nice actually oh fuck no

Okay I could go on forever but this is over 1,500 words of auing already I have too many ideas christ

send me some to @theskyis-forever with a pairing for me to write :)

Who Should You Fight: Ezra Miller Edition

Kevin: do it. fight the little fucker. he’s a scrawny, megalomaniacal dickface, it’ll be easy. punch him right in the face, his family will thank you. (just make sure he can’t get his hands on a bow and some arrows because your chances of winning decrease dramatically in that event) 10/10

Elliot: 100% go for it. destroy this whiny mofo. u could blow on him and knock him over, he doesn’t stand a chance. 8/10

Patrick: I mean, you could fight Patrick. you’d probably win, too. but why would you he’s beautiful and gay and very sad. also Charlie will probably beat your ass. 0/10 would not recommend.

Daniel: this hippie probably weighs 15 whole pounds soaking wet, and he has sideburns. yeah, you could fight him, but consider this- hasn’t he suffered enough? 2/10 just leave him alone with his tears.

Leon Dupuis: sure, he’s distractingly pretty, but his name is Leon. 9/10 fight him.

Credence Barebone: there are 2 reasons why fighting this tiny child will be the worst mistake of ur life. reason #1 he’ll cry probably, and then you’ll feel like a monster, and reason #2 he can literally destroy you. -1000/10 do not fight this precious boy.

Barry Allen: 10/10 FIGHT THIS NERD!!!! you won’t win, he’s very fast, but fight him anyway.

anonymous asked:

someone is getting married. that someone is dragged to a strip club for their bachelor party by the rest of the RFA+V+Saeran. just how much of a hot mess would this nightmare be?

A/N: Can y’all imagine though, can y’all imAGINE I WANNA SEE THEM IN A STRIP CLUB LMAO~Admin 404

Not even gonna lie i’m the person who says “nooo it’s embarrassing” but take me there and i’d be stuffing dollar bills down thongs like no tomorrow ~ Admin 626

*YOOSUNG:

-is he even alLOWED IN HERE

-OH MY GOD THERE’S SO MANY HALF NAKED PEOPLE IN HERE I DON’T WANNA BE HERE

-MC’S GONNA KILL ME

-He’s a blushing mess the whole time, he can’t even look anywhere

-Seriously, he covers his eyes every time someone walks by because??? They’re half naKED

-HE EVEN TEXTS YOU AND APOLOGIZES??? LIKE???

-Text: “MC, they dragged me here I swear I’m not looking at anYONE I’M NOT LOOKING, I’M NOT TOUCHING, NOTHING” Response: “yoosung wtf”

-Saeyoung tried to get him a private dance and he literally screeched and ran away

-HE IS DEVOUTED TO HIS MC!!!!!! WILL NOT LET SOMEONE ELSE DANCE ALL OVER HIM LIKE THAT!!!

-Overall he did not like it. He was so nervous, and could not enjoy himself. Blew up MC’s phone telling them how much he loves them, stood outside or hid in the bathroom a lot of the time as well

*JUMIN:

-He literally has no interest

-He had no sexual interest in people before anyways

-Well at least not any interest large enough to act upon

-He loves you for who you are, not your body

-That being said, he kind of just sat there all night with an uninterested stare

-He felt a little awkward every time he saw a fellow business man (especially ones he knew or has done business with)

- “a lot of these men are married why are they throwing money at these half naked people”

-Zen kept telling him that he was killing the vibe at his own bachelor party and he just shrugged

-He was so bored the entire time, he absolutely hated it

-Silently judged everyone in the room just to pass the time, also tried to secretly text you until the others noticed and took his phone

*SAEYOUNG:

-He didn’t care about the strippers

-He danced along to almost every song that came on

-BOY HE WAS ABOUT TO PARTY

-FREE DRINKS, HE’S DOWN

-Wasn’t about having the strippers dance up on him though

- pls i am a child of god do not do this

- i am devout to my MC, they are the love of my life get away from me with your sIN

-When his song came on you can bet your sweet ass he jumped up on the stage

-Seriously he was workin’ it. Strippin’ it. Putting his thing down, flipping and reversing it.

-Saeran had to drag him off of the stage before he could do anything else, but Zen had already recorded it and sent it to MC, who in turn, laughed their asses off and refused to let it go for years

*SAERAN:

-He does not like other people

-Let alone strange, mostly naked people

-DoN’T FUCKING TOUCH HIM

-Absolutely hates it there and wants nothing more than to go home

-He misses his precious MC ;A;

-It took A LOT to get him where he is in the relationship he has with you

-He wouldn’t do anything to mess it up

-Not to mention, he has literally NO interest in anyone else but you??

-Saeyoung tried to get him to get a personal dance but that idea was shot down fairly quickly when he was almost punched in the face

-He actually spent most of the time just sitting there. Most people wouldn’t come near him because Death Glare™. Did not enjoy himself, not at all

*ZEN

- lmAO R U KIDDING

- THIS BOY DOESN’T REALLY CARE ABOUT THE STRIPPERS

- like yeah they got nice bodies??? But u know who has a nicer body???

- THIS GUY

- HE STRIPS INSTEAD??? I DONT THINK THIS IS HOW BACHELOR PARTIES WORK   ZEN

- ofc he doesn’t dance up on anyone, he’s a saint, he loves MC

- RECORDS HIMSELF AND SENDS IT TO MC BC HIS STRIPPING IS A MASTERPIECE

- He and saeyoung bECOME A STRIPPING DUO, A DREAM COME TRUE FOR THE BOTH OF THEM

*JAEHEE

- B L U S H I N G

- SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

- SHE DOESN’T LIKE THIS AND SHE’S SO EMBARRASSED

- she just DOWNS drinks to get through the night, she wants to be supportive

- she drunk texts u a lot

- “hey,,, hey MC,,, are u a whistle cause i want to blow u,,,”

- “There will be only seven planets remaining after i destroy ur anus,,,”

- “if u were a potato,,, I’d mash the hell out of you,,,”

- MC screenshots everything and sends it to the group chat

- Jaehee looks at some of the strippers for candidates for a possible threesome ;;))))

*V

- this sweet, innocent boy doesn’t know what to do

- he wants to support his friends but???

- he’s not really someone who gets drunk and he’s definitely not for watching strippers

- so what does he do???

- he imagines ur the one stripping instead

- like he’s seriously just staring at a wall pretending ur there

- at some point though, saeyoung manages to drag V up on stage??

- aND HE’S SO AWKWARD

- HE JUST STANDS THERE WHILE SAEYOUNG DANCES UP ON HIM TRYING TO ENCOURAGE HIS INNER STRIPPER TO COME OUT

- HE ALMOST CRIES HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

- he just follows along with saeyoung???

- everyone seems to be loving it so he must be doing something right???

- he ends up loving it

- considers stripping as a career

- then he decided that you’re the only person he strips for me ;;))

The Rise and Fall of Steve Uchiha

I do not remember the exact year, but it wasn’t as many years ago as one would think. I used to be in this Naruto RP forum (because Naruto RP was and probably still is freakin’ fun) that was one of those rare places that, while not exactly ideal, was still pretty damn good. Sure, the mods had some stinking ego that passed over to the IC end of things, lamentably, but they were tame and could have been leagues worse.

I was a Jounin in charge of a team of three Chuunin, and this forum had a system of subforums that was used to go on “adventures” with your team. It was pretty fun! The Jounin would basically come up with a plot for the mission and the Chuunin had to work their way through the mission, and it allowed for character development, hardships, fire-forged friendships or rivalries, perhaps even conflict (yum!), etc. It was considered extremely rude to post in an Adventure thread, as you were basically hijacking the thread. Long story short, I was going on the planned adventure with my three disciples (and I must mention that the three of them are very good writers) when, out of quite literally nowhere, he appears.

A post by a username we don’t know updates our thread, so we go check it and all we see is one line of crudely written text saying:

“where is my brother sasuke tell me and i wont kill you”

The username was steveuchiha. I was laughing already because it was quite clear that this person had no idea what he was doing, but I actually had to call the NASA base in Houston after checking his character page because my sides reached orbit instantly. thIS KID HAD THE CRUDEST CHARACTER PAGE, IT BASICALLY READ LIKE:

Name: steve uchiha
Clan: uchiha
Age: 13
Abilities: kamehameha rasengan chidori

That’s it, that was it. That was tHE WHOLE THING, JUST POSTED WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD AND WE JUST HAD TO LIKE IT.

So I can’t stop laughing like a freaking hyena when one of the Chuunin, irked OOC and infuriated IC (since his character was temperamental), tells him both OOC and IC to piss off.

Those were his famous last words because Steve Uchiha had other plans. In a tad-too-fast response, Steve writes a fULL FREAKING PARAGRAPH OF CRUDE BEATDOWNS, SOMETHING LIKE:

“i grab u and punch u in the face then i throw u into the air and i jump after you and kick u in the tummy then i put you in a special hold and slam u against a tree and then i charge up a rasengan and hit u with it in the face where is my brother sasuke”

AND SEE, BY THIS POINT, I JUST COULDN’T HOLD MY LAUGHTER ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE AS DEVOID OF FUCKS BECOME SOME SORT OF STOIC, MONOTONE WHIRLWIND OF VIOLENCE. BUT THE BEST PART IS THAT HE KEPT POSTING LIKE THAT. HE MADE AROUND SEVEN POSTS LIKE THAT, ONE AFTER THE OTHER, WITHOUT ANY REPLY FROM US IN THE MIDDLE. HE LITERALLY JUST MADE SEVEN OR EIGHT POSTS POORLY DETAILING THESE INSANE COMBO WOMBOS AND THEY ALL ENDED WITH THE LEGENDARY LINE: where is my brother sasuke

SO WE ARE ALL LAUGHING OUR TOOSHIES OFF AT THE SHEER AUDACITY AND THE MENTAL IMAGES WHEN AN ADMIN STEPS IN AND MAKES THE TYPICAL PROFESSIONAL WARNING LIKE

“User steveuchiha, this is your first warning: Your character page is insufficient, your character is not approved and you just interrupted an Adventure thread, something that is heavily against the rules. Delete your posts and fix your page or we will delete the posts for you and count it against your tally.”

This, my friends, is where any tale would have ended. It’s where a user would have thought “hey, maybe I should have read the etiquette guidelines”, this is where our homo sapiens sapiens kicks in and we stop fucking up.

But this is not any tale, this is the tale of Steve Uchiha, and he was having none of this bullshit.

So what does Steve Uchiha do?

Why, open a can of whoopass on the admin, of course.

I sWEAR IT WAS INHUMAN HOW STEVE KEPT MAKING THESE RABIDLY MONOTONE POSTS, ONE AFTER THE OTHER, POORLY WRITTEN DESCRIPTIONS IN FIRST PERSON THAT WENT AGAINST ANYTHING LOGIC OR ETIQUETTE WOULD WARN YOU AGAINST. ACCORDING TO CHARLES DARWIN, STEVE UCHIHA SHOULDN’T EXIST. HE MUST HAVE MADE ANOTHER 13 POSTS AFTER THE ADMIN, DETAILING HOW HE SHOT HIM WITH A KAMEHAMEHA AND THEN DID THE LION’S BARRAGE ON HIM AND PUT HIM IN LEE’S LOTUS PILEDRIVER, EACH AND EVERY SINGLE POST CONCLUDED WITH THE SAME KEYWORDS:

“where is my brother sasuke”

The admin gave Steve Uchiha a 2nd warning.

It was met with yet another whirlwind of combos.

A 3rd warning came and…

This is as far as I am willing to tell you. The rest of the story is better left unheard. The ending is exactly what you all predict, but I think we can all be happier thinking that, even to this day, Steve Uchiha keeps pummeling random people, ever searching for the truth, never giving up on his brother Sasuke.

Here’s one for you, Steve Uchiha. May you find your brother Sasuke.

The best part? There was no Sasuke. This was an AU Naruto setting.

there’s so many foxes-playing-never-have-i-ever au headcanons going around but i give you this

  • super late post game stoli rasberry vodka shots
  • okay that’s one of my favorites but whatevs we’ll use it
  • andrew only drinks jack daniels
  • because he’s p r e t e n t i o u s
  • i hate jack
  • the freshman and the whiskey
  • and it’s so easy to make andrew drink and he hates them all so much because never have i ever killed someone? never have i ever been to juvie? never have i ever punched through a window?
  • these assholes play by targeting and tonight andrew’s the one getting targeted and he’s furious but neil’s laughing so whatever it’s fine
  • even the casual ones; never have i ever given a blowjob or never have i ever punched someone in the face ((everyone drinks))
  • but there’s one that nobody’s said yet because half the team can’t say it
  • they’re all thinking it but they’re all guilty of doing the same
  • finally when it’s renee’s turn allison whispers something into her ear. renee laughs (she has a laugh like windchimes)
  • “okay. never have i ever thought about kissing neil.”
  • there’s a brief pause, then;
  • andrew drinks
  • nicky drinks with the most guilty look on his face
  • allison drinks
  • matt and dan link their arms and take their shots together, laughing at an inside joke that no one wants to ask about
  • kevin lifts his glass halfway to his mouth, sighs, and takes the shot
  • neil watches this absolutely confounded
  • aaron looks a little sick
  • renee has the most smug grin on her face and it matches allison who was the real mastermind behind this one
  • “what the fuck.” neil says
  • aaron mimics it and reaches for the full bottle of vodka praying he won’t remember that in the morning

anonymous asked:

i imagine once mace dies or something he literally punches qui gon's force ghost in the face because "we told u he was dangerous but did u listen? NO." and also for treating obi wan like trash for almost their whole apprenticeship

When you’re dead, you’re not suppose to feel pain.

Well apparently the Force feels that a lesson is in order for Qui-Gon as Mace throws himself at the man and pins him to the surface of Obi-Wan’s hut on Tatooine, because those punches really hurt when the Korun gives it his all.

“We TOLD you he was dangerous! We told you we saw darkness! BUT NO! NO QUI-GON JINN FOLLOWING THE WILL OF THE FORCE! HOW DID THAT WORK OUT!?” The Korun snarled.

“You were all suppose to guide him!” Qui-Gon argued back, catching the mans wrists and growling back at him. “And then you left Obi-Wan alone to train him.”

Both looked to where the man was carefully boiling some water for tea, Shaak standing by his side and watching the young man who seemed to have aged so much in just a few days.

“Yes talking about Kenobi what the HELL did you do to him during your apprenticeship? What the kark did you tell him?” Mace shook the man again before Qui-Gon managed to shove him off.

“I have no idea what yo-”

“He’s been basically trying to low level kill himself during this entire endevour and if it wasn’t for the fact that he has to look over Skywalker’s sprog then I am willing to bet he could watch me yell at you right now!” Mace growled.

“I did no-, I do-, that is to sa-” Qui-Gon spluttered even as several council members watched the two from Obi-Wan’s bed, using it as their seats.

“You made a perfectly distant Jedi Master but ruined a teen into becoming a self loathing and broken man.” Mace growled deeply. “Always questioning himself, always feeling lesser, always thinking his best was never good enough and emotionally constipated.”

“He seems alright despite it all.” Qui-Gon murmured quietly.

Obi-Wan poured his tea as they looked back to him but when he lifted his cup, his hand trembled even as he blew on the steaming liquid and took a small sip, settling it aside to make a small lunch consisting of dried bantha meat and flatbread.

As they watched, Obi-Wan’s elbow bumped into the cup and it hit the ground, spilling the precious water into the ground as the cup broke.

Obi-Wan stared at it, blinking and then…

They all winced as he slammed his fist into the wall of his hut, instantly pulling back while hissing as he cupped his right hand to his chest, staring down at it as he tested the fingers.

“Perhaps…not.” Qui-Gon sighed as he got up and started to fix up his robes then stiffened when they all heard a small stifled sob.

Obi-Wan was desperately pressing his good hand to his mouth as the other was cradled against his chest, tears welling over it as his shoulders shook. Slowly he backed until he hit the wall, sliding down as more and more tears joined the trail that went down his cheeks, over his hand and dripped onto his beige robe.

Plo moved from the bed and knelt down by him, reaching out towards the redhead’s face with his claws. “Oh young one.”

A piteous little whimper escaped from underneath the hand.

“Some people.” Depa offered softly as she knelt with Plo by Obi-Wan. “Need an excuse to cry. Caleb is like that but Caleb is young.” She stared sadly at Obi-Wan as she gestured to the hand cradled against his chest. “Like a minor injury.”

“…I’ve never seen him cry like that before.” Qui-Gon whispered.

“No one has because you ruined him Jinn. I would happily strangle you if I thought it would help on anything.” Mace growled then closed his eyes as Obi-Wan lost his fight with his own tears and emotions, breaking into soul wrecking wails as he fisted his hands into his tunics.

“Anakin! I’m sorry!” Obi-Wan cried out, voice thick.

Qui-Gon dropped down in front of him between Depa and Plo, reaching out towards the young man only for his hand to pass through him, cursing as it did, helpless to comfort the young man breaking apart in front of their very eyes.

“…We should have taken him from you while he was on probation, regardless of what Yoda said.” Mace added gravely. “At least he wouldn’t be here now, a broken shell of a man you destroyed in his youth.”

Qui-Gon felt a heavy weight settle in his chest as Obi-Wan continued to cry, losing precious water in the heat of Tatooine.

Anotha’ Harlivy Fic

hey, look!! i finally got this written!!

Title: Birthday Wishes

Pairing: Harley Quinn/Poison Ivy

Summary: When the Joker forgets her birthday, Harley seeks comfort in the only way she knows how: by going back to Ivy. 

AO3 Link

there are mentions of violence in this, but nothing explicit. 


It was unexpected, the way Harley showed up on her doorstep. Ivy had just changed into her gardening clothes when she heard the bell ring. It rang once, then twice. Ivy was considering just ignoring it, but then the knocking started.

“Red? Are you in there?” A wet little sniffle that was enough to break Ivy’s heart in two. Harley wasn’t supposed to be here today.

She opened the door.

Harley’s bun was fighting against the hair tie and she was still in her pajamas. She had on suede ankle-length UGGs—Ivy was pretty sure that’s what they were called, anyway—that looked misplaced with her pale pink polka dot shorts and the fact that it was June. Her eyes were red, her stomach twitching like she was holding back sobs.

Ivy wanted to touch her, hug her, grab her hands and hold on hard.

Without a word, she pulled Harley inside and looked her over: she was shaking pretty badly, but she didn’t seem to be hurt, at least not externally.

“He forgot. He forgot again, Red. He didn’t remember.” Her voice was terrible, hoarse and breaking. “He forgot my birthday.

“Shhh,” Ivy said. “It’s okay. Shhh.” She put her arms around Harley, pulled her close. Harley’s head went down on her shoulder and she started to sob.

They stayed like that for God knows how long—long enough for the shoulder of Ivy’s sweater to soak up all the snot and tears it could hold. Ivy’s arms were getting tired and her knees were starting to buckle, but she didn’t want to let Harley go. “Let’s go sit down, okay?”  

“Okay,” Harley mumbled into Ivy’s shoulder.

Just looking at Harley made Ivy’s chest feel like it was about to burst open. How could someone be so cruel? She’d always known Joker was deranged, but this bordered on inhumane. Even after seeing all the abuse he’d inflicted, this particular indifference made her sick.

Ivy sat herself down and opened her arms for Harley.

“I just…don’t u-understand.”

“Oh, Harl.”

“Sometimes, I feel like he doesn’t even like me, and it hurts so bad. Oh God, it hurts.” Harley’s hands wrapped around her stomach and her face seized in a grimace like she’d taken a punch to the gut.

“Shhh. I know, baby. I know.” Ivy felt helpless seeing Harley like this. She didn’t know what she was supposed to say, and she sort of felt like she was drowning. She would’ve given an arm and a leg for someone to give her the right words.

“Why doesn’t he love me?”

Because he doesn’t have a soul. Ivy almost said it but decided to bite the inside of her cheek instead.

“I d-dunno why he doesn’t love me.”

Ivy said,  with a touch of impatience, “He’s a blind, ungrateful fool.”

Harley pretended not to hear that. “What’s wrong with me?” She asked it sincerely, like she expected an answer, like she needed one. “Huh? What is it? What’s wrong with me?” The desperate look in her swollen eyes sent strange things fluttering through Ivy’s brain, cold and frail as moth circlings. She shivered. It was times like this that made Ivy doubt that Harley knew what she was doing. She looked so helpless, too helpless to be faking it.

“Nothing.” Ivy rubbed her back in circles and couldn’t help but smile when goose bumps began layering the skin around Harley’s shoulders. “Nothing is wrong with you.”

“That feels….s-so good.” Harley had her eyes closed, but she was still crying. Her face reminded Ivy of a newborn kitten trying to smell out its mother before it could see: she looked so lost. “Please don’t stop.”

They sat in silence for awhile before Ivy finally cleared her throat. “You know, Daffodil,” she swiped her thumb under Harley’s eye to catch the tears, “I think I still have some cake mix in the pantry.”

“I don’t wanna make a cake.”

“Oh, come on. Don’t let that deranged buffoon ruin your day.”

“Too late.”

Ivy rolled her eyes. “It isn’t too late. It isn’t even twelve o’clock yet!”

Harley said nothing, just turned her face away.

“Fine. I’m guessing that means you don’t want your present, either.”

“Present?” Harley said automatically, and Ivy’s heart lifted.

“Yeah. I’m sorry you’re not feeling up to it.”

Harley’s head came up and she stared at Ivy, rubbing her eyes with her fists. She sniffled. “‘No, I’m feelin’ up to a present. I’m always feelin’ up to a present, Red.” 

Ivy laughed, quietly, to herself. “Well, sit up then, so I can go grab it.” Harley moved off of Ivy. “I’ll be right back.”

She stood up and made her way to the master bedroom. The box was sitting neatly on the bottom shelf of her closet, unwrapped and exactly where she’d left it three weeks ago. It was common knowledge by now that there was no taking away Harley’s grief, but Ivy liked to think that she at least helped a bit. She picked up the Three Stooges box set and tried to remember if she had any gift bags, even though she was pretty sure she didn’t. She let out an irritated sigh and went back to the living room.

“I’m sorry it isn’t wrapped. I didn’t know you were coming over today.” Ivy held the box behind her back and gave Harley a wicked grin when she tried to peek.

“Oh, c’mon. Can I see? Pretty please? The suspense is killin’ me.” Harley’s eyes were still swollen, but there weren’t any fresh tears.

Still grinning, Ivy slowly—to Harley’s obvious frustration—moved her arms in front of her and held the box out to her.

Harley’s eyes widened. “Jumpin’ Jesus on a pogo stick! Is that all the seasons?” She leapt off of the couch and snatched the DVDs out of Ivy’s hands fast enough to leave skid marks. Her eyes frantically ran over the description. “Holy shit, it is all of the seasons!”

Ivy brought a hand up to her mouth and giggled.

“Oh, Red! I love it so much!” Setting the DVDs onto the coffee table, she flung her arms around Ivy and gave her a hug that felt more like a choke hold. Then, in a quieter voice, “God, you’re the best. Really, though. I dunno what I’d do without ya’.”

“Die, probably.” Ivy rolled her eyes, but it was benign. Harley giggled.

“True,” she said, placing a kiss on Ivy’s cheek. “By the way…is it too late to ask if we can make that cake?”



“Ooh! I wanna crack the eggs! Can I crack the eggs, Red? Please?” Her voice was high-pitched and loud like she was trying to talk over someone. Usually, that would’ve irritated Ivy, but today it was making her smile.

They had the radio from the living room set up on the counter. It was quiet and crackly and made the 50s and 60s chart toppers wafting through the speakers sound oddly warm. Even the potted plant sitting beside it seemed lulled.

Ivy smiled at her. “All yours.”

The whole kitchen smelled like it was drizzled in vanilla, and each breath was like inhaling sugar without the sting. Ivy had always been more of a salt person, but she loved the way the cake smelled, how it made her feel giddy and twenty years younger. Vegan lasagna was delicious, but it could never pull this off.

Harley leaned across the counter and pulled the carton of eggs towards her. “I’m real good at crackin’ eggs.”

“Are you now?” Ivy said, raising her eyebrows and crossing her arms over her chest.

Harley touched the egg to the edge of the counter and eyeballed it. “It’s all about the form,” Harley explained as she cracked it in one fluid motion and pulled it apart over the mixing bowl. “See? Egg-squisite.”

“That was awful.”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. I couldn’t help myself from crackin’ that joke.” A shit eating grin so wide Ivy could hear it. Harley walked over to the sink and dipped her fingers into the trickle of water.

“Jesus Christ.” Ivy laughed in spite of herself, a real laugh that came from her chest and echoed around the kitchen. Today was turning out to be a good day after all.

Harley shook the water droplets off of her hands and leaned over the cookbook on the counter. “‘Kay, so it says here that,”—she squinted at the frosting recipe—“that, uh… Huh. Actually, I dunno what it says. I forgot to put my contacts in this mornin’, so everything’s a little blurry.”

“Let me see.”

Harley slid the book over to Ivy.

“‘Gradually add 4 cups of sifted powdered sugar, one cup at a time, beating well on medium speed.’ Think we can handle that?”

Harley’s brows pulled together. “What does that even mean?”

“Here,” Ivy said, grabbing the powdered sugar container from the center of the island. “Do you want to be in charge of the mixer or the sugar?”

“The mixer.” She gave Ivy a sneaky, knowing little smile. “I’m real good at mixin’ things.”

“Right.” Ivy removed the lid and pulled out the measuring cup. “I’m  going to be adding a half cup of this every minute or so while you mix. Try to keep it on a low speed, okay?”

“Aye aye, captain.” That sideways, warm flick of a smile again as she turned on the mixer.

Ivy dug the cup into the powdered sugar and ran a butter knife over the top. She dumped it into the mixing bowl.

“Six more scoops of sugar, a little beating, and voilà—we’ll have ourselves butter cream frosting.”

“Can’t wait.”

Ivy dropped in another scoop. Then another.

“Hey, wait! It ain’t all mixed in yet!”

Ivy shook her head. “It’ll be fine.” Another scoop. Then a click. Then—

Harley! Turn the speed down!” White powder was flying out of the bowl and into the air. She shut her eyes tightly until she heard the mixer go off. When she opened them, she saw the sugar had made a white blanket over the counter and had stuck to her shirt, her lips, her hair, her nose. It had even gone down the dip of her sweater. She sneezed.

“Oh, crap! I’m so sorry! I thought if I beat it a lil’ faster, it would help, swear-ta’-God,” Harley said. Then, “You should see ya’self right now, Red. It’s stuck in your eyebrows, and it looks really funny!” She was shaking with half-suppressed laughter as Ivy swatted at the powder on her shirt.

Ivy should’ve been furious, but all she could feel was every muscle loosening like she was six years old again and cartwheeling herself dizzy in her front yard, like she could run around the block fifteen times and never run out of breath. She ran a finger over one of her eyebrows and burst out laughing. “I feel like a yeti.”

“I can help with that.” Harley stood on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on Ivy’s nose, then her cheek, then her lips. “See? Nice and clean now. Well, ‘cept your eyebrows.”

Ivy’s head was spinning, but not at all unpleasantly. “I think my lips may need a little more work.”

Harley grinned. “Yeah?” she said as she went in for another kiss. “You taste good.”

Ivy swept Harley off of her feet and placed her on top of the counter. “As do you, my dear,” she whispered and began playing with the string of Harley’s pajama shorts. She smirked at how quickly the goose bumps began running up and down her bare legs, how her breath was shivering and her cheeks were flushing. Being able to do that to someone she cared for with so little effort…it felt powerful. Ivy took a small step back. “But that’ll have to wait until we finish the frosting.”

“Oh, forget the fuckin’ frosting,” Harley said, wrapping her legs around Ivy and pulling her back. “I’m not waitin’ another second.”

“Fine, then.” They were still close enough that the tip of their noses touched, but nothing else. A swift painful pang went through her then, but she couldn’t figure out why; it was much too complicated, too far away.

She stayed there for a moment, just breathing, before Harley’s hands came up, fingers tangling in her hair, moving down across her cheek, tracing the line of her mouth. The fierceness of her took Ivy’s breath away. When they pulled apart again, Ivy’s heart was running wild.

What happens tomorrow? Ivy thought, with the one clear drop of her mind.

Harley’s mouth, the corners curving in a tiny smile, was very close to hers. Her hands were on Ivy’s shoulders, her thumbs moving in long gentle strokes along the line of her collarbone.

“I think I’ve got at least a half cup a’ sugar up my cooter right now,” Harley told her as she continued tracing patterns on Ivy’s skin. “Sexy, right?” Her hair was standing up in powder-covered cowlicks where her bun had loosened and she had frosting smudged on one cheek and she had no idea how beautiful she looked to Ivy.

A car drove by outside and spun the sunlight coming through the windows, glossy and magic as the lights of a carousel. The radio was whirling with music so sweet Ivy could hardly bear it. To lead a better life, I need my love to be here… In that moment, all Ivy wanted in the world was for Harley to stay. She wanted to skim off the solitude of her life light as a bird and keep Harley for good. Ivy had as much right as anyone else to love, to joy, to a partner, to a life. Here, making each day of the year. Spring naps in the hammock as plum blossoms fell softly onto their legs, tracing constellations with their fingers in the cloudless summer sky, the quiet smell of old books and cinnamon in the fall, warm embers sparkling on frost-crystalled window panes during the holidays—she could see it all so clearly. Changing my life with the wave of her hand.

Ivy carefully hooked a stray lock of hair off of Harley’s face. Nobody can deny that there’s something there.

“I wanna remember today,” Harley said. “I wanna get it tattooed onto my body so I never forget it.”

“We can have a thousand more days like today. We can have all of the time in the world.” Ivy squeezed Harley’s hand. There, running my hands through her hair. “You know, Harl, whenever you’re not here, I miss you. You have no idea how much I miss you.”

Ivy thought she saw a flicker of something in Harley’s eyes, but she couldn’t tell what. “I miss you too, Red.” Both of us thinking how good it can be.

“Then stay. Here. With me.”

“Ivy, ya’ know I can’t do that.” Someone is speaking but she doesn’t know he’s there.

And that’s when Ivy remembered how fragile moments like this were. They were so easily broken, and when they broke, they broke in an instant.

Harley must have read the look on Ivy’s face. “I’m sorry, Red. Ya’ know I can’t leave Mistah J, even for you.” I want her everywhere and if she’s beside me I know I need never care.

“Harl, he hurts you.”

“He doesn’t mean to, really. Ya’ never see all the sweet things he does for me.”

“Like what?” Ivy knew then that she should retire the subject, move on, but the wave of pure frustration was smashing over her so hard she wanted to scream. But to love her is to need her everywhere. 

“Well…I can’t think—”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Harley! When are you going to learn? How many fucking times does he need to hurt you before you realize that he doesn’t love you and that he never will?” She was boiling over, but she hardly cared. “But me, Harley, I care about you. I always have!” Knowing that love is to share.

Harley glanced sharply at her, but Ivy couldn’t stop. The anger was hitting her like speed through her blood, pounding high up in her throat. “I mean, for fuck’s sake! Are you really so dense that you can’t see that? He treats you like garbage. Why do you always pick him when I’m the one that’s here for you? I’m the one that listens to you and laughs with you and wipes away your tears and supports you and cares about you and remembers your fucking birthday. Joker, though? He couldn’t care less. You’re the gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe, and that’s on a good day.”

“My Puddin’ loves me,” Harley said quietly. There was a rough edge to her voice. Each one believing that love never dies. 

“Harley, you said it yourself—he doesn’t love you! He doesn’t care about you the way I do. He can’t even be bothered to remember the day of your birth.” Her voice was rising fast. Beneath the rush, it struck Ivy that she had been waiting a long time to lose her temper like this. “Has he ever taken you out on your anniversary? What about Valentine’s day?” Watching her eyes and hoping I’m always there.

“You dunno what you’re talking about. Mistah J loves me more than you could ever dream  of lovin’ me. He just…makes mistakes sometimes, but he loves me. And ya’ know what? I love him, too. More than you’ll ever know.” I want her everywhere and if she’s beside me I know I need never care. 

“That’s not love. That’s an illness! You’re sick, Harley. Please, just listen to me.”

Harley examined her for a moment. “I know ya’ think you’re angry, Red, but you’re not,” she said. “You’re scared right now, scared shitless.” But to love her is to need her everywhere.

Ivy paused, raised an eyebrow. “And why’s that?”

“Because ya’ know I’ll never choose you.” Knowing that love is to share.

Ivy flinched, but the adrenaline kept her going. “You’re a tool to Joker, a toy, something to play with and break. But to me, you’re my best friend. Don’t you get it? You’re an equal to me. I see you as a person, and believe me when I say that I care deeply for the person I see. I care about you, Harley. You’re not a toy to me.”

Harley shook her head. “I’m not… he doesn’t—” Each one believing that love never dies.

“He does. He does see you as a toy. He sees everyone as a toy, and you want to know why? Because he’s soulless fucking monster who doesn’t have a conscience.

“No, Ivy, you’re the monster. It’s you—”

Ivy slammed both of her hands onto the counter, her face inches from Harley’s. Harley jumped, wild-eyed. She had a hand pressed to her mouth. “Do I really mean so fucking little to you that you’d compare me to that…to that thing?”

Harley shook her head roughly into her palm and started to cry.

“Don’t pretend to be the victim right now. Don’t you fucking dare. First, you tell me you’d never choose me over him, then you call me a fucking monster—”

“I dunno why I said that—” Watching her eyes and hoping I’m always there.

“Because you know that he doesn’t love you. Because you know that I’m right.”

Harley straightened up at that, swiped at her tears. It made Ivy wonder if they were real to begin with. “He does love me! He does!”

Ivy softened as she saw more tears running down Harley’s cheeks. They coming fast now, too fast for her to keep up with. They rolled over her fingers and onto her thighs, down her knees. Ivy had known for years that Harley was sick, but that was the moment when she understood that all of those years had done more than made her sick—they’d broken her heart. Harley had staked everything—her career, her friends, her freedom, her life—on this one, shining love, and she had lost. She’d bet on a shit hand.

Harley must have caught the sorrow off of Ivy’s expression because her eyes lit up with pure fury, like a trapped animal. “He does!”

“Harley, listen to me,” Ivy said, and then her throat closed up; she could hardly breathe. “Please. I can help you.” She didn’t even realize that her hand was gripping Harley’s arm.

Harley slapped her hand over Ivy’s, removed it from her arm, and placed it roughly on the counter. “Lemme down.” I will be there.

Harley.

“Lemme down.” And everywhere. 

Ivy stepped aside. “Remember how you felt this morning when Joker forgot your birthday?”

Harley slid off of the counter and took a shaky breath. She seemed discombobulated and uneven, like she thought the ground might start rippling under her feet. “Yeah,” she said with a touch of asperity, but it didn’t land right. She wouldn’t meet Ivy’s eyes. Here. 

“That’s how I feel every time you leave me for him. To this day, I’m not always sure whether you genuinely like me or if I’m just something you need to take the edge off.”

Harley turned to look at her then, and there was something in her eyes that went beyond kindness, beyond compassion, beyond sympathy: understanding. Dr. Harleen Quinzel was alive and blazing in front of her. “I love you, Ivy.” There.

“Then why do you always leave?”

Harley thought about that for so long, Ivy thought she’d forgotten the question. “Because I don’t know how to do anything else,” she said finally, and then she walked out the same way she came in.

And everywhere. Something snapped inside of Ivy then. The anger, the despair, the fear—it was all too much. She kicked the counter, hard enough that for a second she thought she’d broken her toe. The lights were too bright. The sugar in the air was too sweet. The music was too loud. It was making her sick. Stop. On a wild impulse, she grabbed the radio and yanked it straight out of the outlet. It wasn’t heavy, but Ivy threw her whole body into it, sent it flying off of the counter. To her horror, it wasn’t the only thing that fell: the cord had somehow slid the potted plant sitting next to it over the edge, and it smashed onto the floor with a horrific crashing noise and an explosion of roots and dirt and shards of glass. The pieces stared up at her, curving and wicked against the tile.

“Oh, God.” Her heart was going ninety and she could hardly see. She knelt down next to the plant, didn’t even flinch when a piece of glass pressed into her knee cap. If anything, she was thankful for the pain. It seared her mind white and empty. “It’s okay, baby. Shhh. I’m sorry.” Hands trembling, she scooped the plant into her palms, gently, like her mother had done with birds that ran into the window when she was little.

The plant was whimpering. Ivy could only think of a handful of times she’d hated herself more.

She stood up, and this time she did flinch when a shard of glass sliced her foot. “God fucking dammit.” She could hear the floor sizzling away as drops of green blood dripped onto the tile. It almost sounded like a bubble bar hitting water, but not quite. There wasn’t another sound in the world that truly came close to the sound of acid melting through solid tile.

She kept walking and tried to ignore the trail of holes following her into the greenhouse, a terrible little road map to ensure she’d never forget today, that she’d never lose her way back.

When she got to the door, Ivy stared down blankly at the mess of roots that demanded both of her hands, watched the pretty pattern the window was casting onto it.

There were times when she wondered how much longer she could keep this up, whether she’d know when she was spent. The thing about Harley others didn’t seem to understand was that she took you places, dark places. She did things to the air when she sometimes, stained it with her lethal colors and let you breathe it in.

At the beginning, Ivy never let Harley take her anywhere. She was immune to toxins, after all. Actually, when it was just starting out, she thought she’d been using Harley—for sex, for company, for something to do. But now…she was completely submerged, and the irony of it? Harley had been the one using her the whole time, and what was worse—Ivy let her do it. Even now, Ivy was letting her do it, free-falling into whatever the hell they had together, full fathom five and sinking deeper. Harley poisoned the air around her, coming and going as she pleased. It broke Ivy’s heart, but she just couldn’t bring herself to fix up an antidote. She couldn’t bring herself to let Harley go.

At the very edges of her mind, she thought she heard a door squeal open—she really needed to oil those hinges—and a pair of vines ushered her inside.

Everything was streaky and too fast to follow, but somewhere in that tangle of time, she repotted her plant, gave it the nicest pot she could find. “I’m so sorry.” She was stroking its leaves, trying to calm it down. She was thinking about painting the pot yellow.

Then, she startled the living hell out of herself by bursting into tears. Ivy hadn’t cried in ages, not for herself, not for Harley, not for her plants, not for anybody, but she cried then. She pressed the sleeve of her sweater over her mouth and bawled her eyes out.

What have I done? The whole incomprehensible scene seemed to be moving in slow, tilting circles all around her, so she dropped her head to her knees until everything was still again. There was no going back now.

Late-afternoon sun was flooding in through an open window and she could hear the wind ruffling the grass, could feel it brushing up against her skin. She thought of Harley laughing into her pillow at four in the morning, sticking her tongue out to catch falling snowflakes. Something felt like it was breaking under her breastbone, and for a moment, she was positive that she was about to be sick.

Sweet Jesus, what have I done?

Ivy lifted her head and wanted to howl but didn’t have the breath. Her insides felt inflamed. Vines were rubbing her back in a soothing, gentle rhythm and singing softly into her ear. After a while, one of them reached into the main house and passed her a box of tissues.

“My head is pounding and I’m so exhausted that I’m seeing double,” she said.

“Then sleep,” the vines whispered, and she did.



Ivy opened her eyes to a pale orange sky. She heard banging, somewhere, but it didn’t seem to have anything to do with her, so she let it go by and drifted off again.



She woke with a start to a crash somewhere in the house. It took Ivy a second to work out where she was: curled up in a pile of vines with her head tilted back at an awkward angle. She was sore. Her shirt was cold and clammy with tears, and she was shivering. Somewhere outside, she could hear dogs barking.

She unfolded herself in stages and stood up. Bad move. Her head lurched into a sickening spin and she had to grab at the ivy to stay upright.

Outside the greenhouse, the world had turned a sweet, ghostly blue-gray, not a cloud in sight. She slapped herself across the cheek to make sure she was grounded and walked over to the door. For a second, she was afraid to step into the house—what if somebody had broken in?—but then she remembered who she was and stepped inside anyway.

She tiptoed down the hall and tried to ignore how fast her heart was beating. The trees outside were casting shadows onto the floor, letting them dance on the walls. Ivy had never believed in ghosts, but in that moment, she wouldn’t have thought twice if one walked straight through her front door.

She passed the dining room and the den, but there was no sign of anything out of the ordinary. That left the kitchen and…

The living room window was smashed, broken glass peeking out in between strings of carpet. She narrowed her eyes and absently wondered who in the hell she’d have to call to get that fixed. It looked amature—nothing she couldn’t handle—but she couldn’t shake the layer of unease building in her chest.

Ivy’s hands curled around the seeds in her back pocket as she forced herself forward. Whatever moron had decided this was the ideal house to rob had a nasty fate awaiting them. The thought was almost enough to put a smile on her face. Her venus fly traps would be absolutely ecstatic: they loved people.

Somewhere in the house, a toilet flushed, and Ivy went cold all over. She immediately pressed herself against the wall so hard she could feel all of the little grooves that her eyes had never caught. In her rational mind, she knew she had no reason to be afraid. She was Poison Ivy for fuck’s sake. Essentially, she was invincible, but her emotions still ran like they did when she had just been Pamela. She pushed her feet down hard into the floor and tried to pull her head together.

She held her breath and clutched the seeds until her knuckles went white. A door opened. “Dammit, Red, I know you’re mad, but that was really mean. Ya’ almost made me water the shrubs!”

Harley’s voice hit her like a breath of pure oxygen. She wanted to laugh so badly she was almost dizzy with it, like a teenager in love. She clapped a hand over her mouth just in time.

“Ya’ knew I had to pee since I got here. I woulda’ opened the door for you, ya’ know.” More footsteps. Ivy could see her walking towards the front door. “C’mere, babies! Yes, hello.” Bud and Lou came hurling through the second she opened the door. Harley sniffled and Ivy realized she was crying.

It was ridiculous, hiding in her own home, but she wasn’t sure what else to do. The part of her that wanted to laugh, that made her chest warm—it was retreating, and fast. In its place, she felt a ripple of something scaldingly hot that felt like it was burning through her insides. She put the seeds back in her pocket.

“Red, I know you’re in here!” For now, Bud and Lou seemed more interested in the powdered sugar on the counter than anything else, but Ivy knew that once they’d licked it all up, they’d find her—she’d worked that much out. What she hadn’t worked out yet was whether or not she cared.

Harley ran a hand through her hair, smoothing it hard. It wasn’t in its bun anymore. “Look, I know I screwed up, bad, but I’ve been here since four o’clock. I’ve been cryin’ my eyes out, but I didn’t leave, not even when I thought I was gonna pee my pants. I’m tired and I’m hungry and I’m real sad and I’m in a lotta’ pain. You can yell and be mad all ya’ want later, I swear, but right now, I just really need a hug.” The note in her voice was weighted, like a deep bell tolling.

Ivy’s nails were cutting into her palms and her heart was hammering out of control. She knew it was wrong, but there was an almost sweet satisfaction in hearing Harley beg like this. This time, Harley was crying over her, not Joker, and something about that felt really, really good. It felt fair.

Harley blew her nose wetly into the top of her shirt. Bud and Lou were pawing at her legs now, licking her knees. “I’m won’t leave again, Red. I know I say that a lot, but I really mean it this time, promise. I decided I’m choosin’ you.”

Ivy stared down at the crooked little hole in the floor next to her toe. I’ll never choose you. In that second, she realized her jaw was clenched so hard it was shaking and that she was absolutely livid.

“That’s shit!” Ivy yelled, banging her fist against the wall. Harley gasped and nearly fell to the floor, but Ivy didn’t care. “That’s such shit I won’t even listen to it.”

“Red, it’s not—”

“No! Stop it!” Ivy’s voice was stern enough to stop her mid sentence. “You don’t just get to keep doing this—breaking my fucking heart and coming back like it’s nothing—because you know what?  It’s not nothing. This is my life and it’s not a fucking game and I hate you so much I can’t even look at you!”

“You don’t hate me, Red. Don’t even say stuff like that.”

“I don’t feed people lies like the fucking gutter bullshit you feed me, Harley. I don’t say things I don’t mean.”

Harley said nothing, just stared like she’d been slapped straight across the face.

“What, you thought I’d just let you keep running this ongoing little fuck fest until the day I dropped dead? You’re unbelievable. And just so we’re clear, there’s no chance I’m continuing to let my life go down the toilet all because some stupid girl is too wrapped up in her own best interests to give a damn about anything or anyone else. Not a chance in hell.”

“But I…I thought you’d be happy.”

“Fuck you,” Ivy said, and the shake in her voice sounded like she was dangerously close to tears. “Fuck you. How stupid do you think I am? Why on earth would I be pleased that you decided to crawl back?”

“I’m so sorry, Red. I…you have no idea how sorry I am. I can change, though. Things can be different now, just like ya’ said before. Remember?”

“‘Change’? Harley, in all the years I’ve known you, I have never seen you change, not once. ’m not buying it, not this time. You had to know that there would come a time when I got sick of being your toy.”

Tears were running down her cheeks too fast to be fake. “Red—”

“I want you out of my house, now.”

Then, in a tiny devastated voice that was just barely above a whisper, “I’m beggin’ ya’ to give me another chance. I love you.” Harley’s mouth was open, one hand trembling inches from it. She sounded as terrified as a kid in the dark, and that’s when Ivy realized she meant it. “I’ve just had one of the worst fuckin’ days of my entire life. All I want is for you to call me Daffodil and rub my back like you always do. I know I’ve got no right askin’ ya’ to do that, but I feel like I’m fallin’ apart and I just really need you right now…” Harley’s hands came up, reaching out; her whole body was moving towards Ivy.

The adrenaline drained from Ivy’s blood and she felt so sad, all of a sudden. She wanted the anger back, wanted to feel that power all over again, but compassion was putting up a good fight. Maybe it was because Harley looked so pathetic, begging for someone who so vehemently claimed to want nothing to do with her, or maybe it was something else entirely, but Ivy felt a piece of herself shift. She remembered the reason why she’d never been able to let Harley go: she was in love. Before she understood that she was doing it, she walked over to Harley and wrapped her in a hug. Harley’s hands grabbed at her like a lost child as she buried her face in Ivy’s chest.

Ivy knew that she shouldn’t be doing this—letting herself fall back into the one person who could hurt her, who had hurt her and may very well continue to hurt her. It was careless, and it was dumb, but she didn’t know how not to do it.

“What are you doing here?” Ivy asked and pulled back to get a good look at Harley’s face. Now that she was closer, Ivy could see that one of her eyes was swollen and maroon, edging in on purple, and her nose was bleeding. “What the hell happened to you?”

Harley tried to smile, winced, and left it alone. “Oh, this?” She wiped at her nose, staring at the streaks of blood that came off onto her hands with a sort of detached disinterest. “It’s nothin’ serious, just hurts a little. That’s all.”

Just like that, Ivy forgot all about being mad at Harley, stashed it in the back of her mind to deal with later. She surrendered herself to compassion. “Does it hurt anywhere else?”

Harley shook her head. “My arms are a little cut up from the window and my stomach kinda hurts, but it’s mostly just my face.” Then, to Ivy’s concerned expression, “I could use a Band-Aid, though. Maybe more than one, actually.”

Ivy led Harley into the kitchen and pulled two glasses out of the cabinet.

“Whatchya doin’?” Harley asked as Ivy dug around in the fridge. She slammed a can of Coke and a bottle of Grey Goose onto the counter. “Have a drink,” she said, pouring a big sloppy vodka and Coke and passing it to Harley. She’d never been a fan of soda, but she always had a fridge full for when Harley stayed over.

“Thanks.”

Ivy filled up her own glass with three fingers of vodka and took a sip. It was rich and sweet and it burned trails of warmth right down to her fingertips. With a bit of lazy effort, she gave the fridge door a good roundhouse kick shut and opened the drawer where she kept her first aid supplies.

“What plant jizz am I gettin’ this time?”

“Rubbing alcohol. This is going to sting a little, okay?” she told Harley as she prepared a spray bottle.

“Wait you’re…putting it in there?”

“Yes, now hold still.”

Harley flinched harder than Ivy was expecting her to when she started squirting the cuts. “God almighty! Is that stuff burning my skin?”

“Not exactly.” Setting the spray bottle down, she tipped her head back and finished off her drink.

“Ya’ look like you could use another drink.” Harley nudged the Grey Goose towards her. She started to shake her head automatically, but then she changed her mind and took it: what the hell.

“You know, you’re right. I could really use another drink.” God knew she needed it. And really, it was the truth: Ivy did need another drink, badly. She’d had enough of her feelings for the day, maybe even the week.

With a flourish, Ivy topped off both of their glasses.

“Here’s to the end of an absolute fucking trash day.” Harley raised her drink to the ceiling.  

“I’ll drink to that.”

Harley took a long swallow and grimaced. “I feel like my skin is gonna start meltin’ off the bone any second now.”

Ivy rolled her eyes, carefully dabbing at the wounds with a paper towel to soak up the rubbing alcohol. “You think this is painful? Imagine being obligated to have sexual intercourse with Harvey Dent.”

“Ah! A joke!” Harley laughed, a small rough sound.

“I mean, honestly, I would’ve had an easier time climaxing with a bendy straw.”

“Ah! Another one!” Harley said, grinning at Ivy. There was a reckless, risky merriment in her face that almost won out over the puffy leftovers from crying. “Does that mean I’m back in your good graces, Red?”

Ivy’s face went blank at that one. She wasn’t sure how she felt about Harley right now. The anger she’d shelved before was still looming in the back of her mind, but she wasn’t convinced that that was the issue. Anger was hot, and she didn’t feel hot. She felt…hollow.

Instead of responding, she looked down and moved a finger absently around the rim of her glass, watching the vodka bloom and dim as her shadow moved across it. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Harley open her mouth, then shut it again and bite her lips. She grabbed the bandages out of the drawer, started wrapping them around Harley’s arms.

After she had finished, Harley cleared her throat. “Could I get some ice, please? For my eye?”

“Sure.” Ivy turned to the freezer. With her back to Harley, she said, almost casually, “So what happened?”

She didn’t have to see Harley to know that she flinched. This was obviously a sore subject. “Well I, uh, told him I was leavin’. For good this time.”

Ivy hated herself for the way her heart jumped at that. She hated herself for how badly she wanted to believe it, too. She turned to look at Harley, only for a moment, before hiding herself in the freezer again.

“Aren’t ya’ gonna say somethin’?” If nothing else, Ivy had learned that Harley didn’t take her life too seriously. She held it as lightly as a wildflower tucked in her hair, just skipped along the road and rolled with whatever came her way. It was always 50/50 when she made a promise: either she’d keep it or she’d break it, and not even Harley knew which she’d do until she’d already done it.

“I don’t think that I have an ice pack, but I could just grab a ZipLoc bag—”

“Not about the ice, Red. About me. About us.”

“If I’m being completely honest with you, I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to say.”

“I mean it this time, ya’ know. I—”

“Why did you come back?” The question had been nagging at her since she first heard Harley’s voice. When Harley had walked out earlier that day, Ivy had thought that would be the last time she’d see her.

“Huh?”

“Earlier today, you said you would always choose him, so what are you doing here? Did he hit you? Did he kick you out? Did he hurt Bud and Lou?” Ivy knew she was being a bitch, but a part of her thought Harley deserved it.

“I regretted leavin’ the second I walked out that door, but I was too scared to walk back in.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Harley’s eyes clouded over a bit and she looked at the floor. When her head came up, she seemed sturdier, more present. “I was lookin’ at the flowers ya’ have out front—ya’ know, the perennials?—and I just got to thinkin’ about how little time there is in this world. Those flowers have such a short time to bloom, but ya’ know what? They really make the most of it. They’re beautiful ‘cause they spend what little time they have soakin’ up sun and bein’ the best they can be,” she said. Her head went back and she took a breath.

“I know ya’ said we could have all the time, but what does that even mean when there’s hardly any in the first place? There are some mornings where I open my eyes and I just can’t believe how much time I’ve let slip by. I mean really, though: I’m thirty now. Thirty! Can you believe it, Red? Time goes by so fast, whether you’re enjoyin’ it or not, and, well, I’m not. I’m…I’m not happy. Did ya’ know that? I’m really unhappy, actually. Miserable, even. I feel like I spend most of my time chasin’ after somebody who doesn’t wanna be caught, who’s not even runnin’. I’m on a schedule for gettin’ torn apart and eaten alive. I may be alive, but I can’t breathe,” she said. There was a high, precarious wobble in her voice.

“I’ve had so many days that I thought were my last, and ya’ know what? Every time I think I’m outta’ time, I don’t think about Joker. I don’t think about Ma or Da or Bud or Lou. Whenever I feel like I’m gonna die, the last thing I think about is you.” Harley was white and as wide-eyed as she could manage. She looked as stunned as Ivy was. “I think about your garden and the way ya’ play with your hair when you’re lost in thought. I think about how ya’ went on the Ferris wheel with me at the carnival last year, even though ya’ don’t like heights. I think about your perennials and how lucky they are to be in bloom. The last thing outta’ my mouth is your name, every damn time.

“You’re my one mercy in this sicko world. And ya’ know what? I’m tired a’ bein’ ripped to shreds. I don’t wanna waste what little time I have bein’ miserable. I wanna breathe. I need to breathe. Truth is, the clock is always tickin’ and the sand is always fallin’, and there’s nothin’ I can do about it. But here’s the thing: I don’t have to fight it. Those perennials…they’ve surrendered. Time is kind to them, and I think it could be kind to me, too. When I was walkin’ down your sidewalk, I realized that time doesn’t have to be my downfall. It could be my—our—friend, if only I’d let it.” Her eyes were clear and unfaltering on Ivy’s.

Our friend. Ivy let the words fill her up, leave her buzzing, and laid a hand on Harley’s cheek.

“So when I got home, I decided I was givin’ myself a present this year, for all the birthdays he forgot. I grabbed Bud and Lou, but when I was tryin’ to pack a duffel, he found me. That’s why I don’t have any clothes.” Harley winced, like she could feel the blows all over again. “So… I guess this is me sayin’ I’m sorry. I’m askin’ for forgiveness, for today and for every other day, too. But it’s more than that: I’m askin’ for another chance. I’ll get down on my knees and grovel if that’s what it takes. Seriously.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” As much as Ivy would’ve loved to make Harley do that, she didn’t want her accidentally kneeling on a piece of glass.

“Look, we both know that I’m a slow learner when it comes to this stuff, but I’m gonna try. God damn am I ever gonna try. I’ll try with all the time I have left if you’ll let me, because Pamela Lillian Isley, I am so in love with you it’s hard to breathe sometimes.”

“Good,” Ivy said on a sigh, and her hand came up to cup the back of Harley’s head. “I’m glad to hear it.” Harley’s eyes were closing before the sentence was finished. “But don’t think this means I’m not pissed about my window.” Ivy grinned and flicked the end of Harley’s nose with her finger.

“Hey! The pipes were about to burst and you wouldn’t come to the door!”

“First of all, I was asleep. Second of all, that’s still not a good reason.”

“What, like you wouldn’t a’ done the exact same thing.”

“Actually, yes, that’s exactly what it’s like. I would not have done the same thing,” Ivy said with a signature touch of arrogance. She felt like herself again. “Honestly, Harl, I would’ve done literally anything but break through someone’s window.”

“I didn’t have another choice!”

Ivy thought about that for a minute, twisting a finger delicately through one of Harley’s curls. “You could’ve gone outside or something. Why are we still talking about this?”

“But if I just went outside, what would I wipe with?”

“Leaves.”

Harley made a face like she was insulted Ivy would even suggest something so vulgar. “No offense, but the only poison ivy I want touching my puff pillow is you.”

“You know what? On second thought, you need to leave.”

“Not a chance.” Harley lunged at her then, wrapped her legs sloppily around her waist, and started kissing her.

Ivy held her neck out at an undignified angle to avoid her. “Guards! Guards, come quickly!” She could feel Harley laughing against her neck, and soon she was laughing, too.

When Harley finally caught her breath, her eyes opened wide. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! What happened to the radio?”

Ivy hadn’t prepared an answer for that one. “Oh, I was angry.”

“So lemme get this straight: you’re judging me for breakin’ your window while you’re in here smashin’ your radio?”

Ivy grabbed a Ziploc bag out of the cabinet and turned to the freezer. “Touché”

“I think it’s the universe tellin’ us we belong together.”

“Maybe,” she said, and held the bag of ice out to Harley.

“I think it is, though.” Harley hopped up onto the counter and swung her legs.

Ivy waved a hand at her. “Don’t get too comfortable. We have a lot of cleaning up to do.”

“Aw, Red. I don’t wanna.”

“Aw! Well, ya’ gotta!” Ivy said in a nasally voice that sounded impressively similar to Harley’s.

“The real reason ya’ want me is for my cleaning services. Well use me, use me ‘cause you ain’t that average groupie!” The corners of Harley’s mouth twisted into a smirk. She dropped her feet to the floor and nuzzled into Ivy’s upper arm.

Ivy let out a snort. “A little accountability would be nice, Harl. The mess is yours, too.”

“I know, Red. Cool your jets. I just wanted an excuse to tell ya’ that you ain’t that average groupie.”

“Oh, God. Please stop,” Ivy said, but she was smiling at Harley, a mischievous flash of a grin.

“I wanna get you home and ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh.” That sent Ivy into a round of helpless, undignified giggles that made her stomach hurt.

“I ain’t talkin’ bout Playboy ‘cause silicone parts are made for toys!”

She had to stick her fingers in her ears until she could get her breath back. When she finally did, she looked up to see Harley staring at her with a goofy smile on her face. “I’m glad I came back.”

The words were warm and shining, bouncing off of the shattered glass cut-free. “I am, too.”


Later that night, they were cocooned in the duvet in the master bedroom, her arm wrapped around Harley’s middle. She was just barely awake, swerving in and out of sleep. They’d vacuumed the kitchen and the living room, and placed a piece of cardboard over the broken window that Ivy thought really brought out her home’s potential as a crack den.

“Red.”

Ivy said nothing, just kept her eyes closed and pretended to be asleep. She had reached the peak of exhaustion, both physically and emotionally, and she couldn’t handle a conversation.

“Ivy.”

She felt Harley squirming to face her. Again, Ivy played dead.

Ivy.” This time, Harley pinched Ivy’s cheek and gave it a wiggle.

“Oh my God, what is it?” Ivy said with an edge that was dulled by sleepiness.

“Oh, cheer up, buttercup. You’re gonna think this is pretty funny—I know ya’ are—so guess what?”

“What?”

“I’ve gotta pee again,” Harley said with a hint of a grin.  

Ivy laughed, a little burst of air that bumped a piece of her hair up. She shut her eyes again. “Oh for fuck’s sake.”

“Told ya’ you’d think it was funny.”

“You are quite the catch, my dear.” She gave Harley’s nose a quick little peck.

“Well, now I don’t wanna get up.” Harley’s grin had grown wider. “I’d rather just stay and collect my sleepy-Ivy kisses while you’re still awake.”

“Harleen Quinzel, if you wet this bed, I will personally drag your ass back to Arkham.”

Harley giggled. “Oh, Red. I love you,” she said, pressing a kiss to Ivy’s forehead. She watched Ivy expectantly for a moment, hoping she’d say it back, before sighing and getting out of bed.

When she heard the bathroom door close, Ivy rolled onto her back. “I love you, too,” she whispered to the ceiling and wondered if one day she’d have the guts to say it out loud. Even though it wasn’t a question she had the answer to, she felt satisfied to leave the future question marked. If she’d learned anything, it was this: time would give you answers, whether they were the ones you wanted or the ones you feared. Ivy figured it was best to surrender herself to this, to the whims of the little time she had, so she could soak up every drop of light while the sun was still out.

The bathroom door opened and Harley snuck back under the duvet. “Miss me?”

Ivy took a shallow breath. Her heart was slamming against her chest at a force that was knocking the wind out of her. In that moment, she decided to be the best she could be. “I love you, too, Harley.” Saying that out loud went against every instinct she had, and it was oddly exhilarating.

Harley smiled and her eyes filled up with sleepy tears. “You’ve never said that before.”

Ivy looked at Harley’s smile and felt like she’d known it by heart her entire life. She wanted to keep free-falling into whatever it was she had with Harley, to trust blindly and enjoy their bloom while it was still in season.

“I really hope  you stay this time,” Ivy said.

“I will. I promise,” said Harley, and Ivy made a choice to believe her.

BTS Reaction When S/O isn’t a Romantic Person

Jimin

*while Jimin is watching your eyes you get uncomfortable*

‘‘Jimin, uhm, you know… It feels uncomfortable…’‘

*he laughs*

‘‘It’s fun to see you like this, babe.’‘

Originally posted by bangtannoonas


Jin

*he drinks your cola when you are watching TV*

‘‘JIN! Its kinda disg- Oh, Im sorry. I did it again. Im really sor-’‘

*He hugs you tightly even he knows you don’t like it*

‘‘I forgive you now!’‘

Originally posted by xxjoohoney


Namjoon(Rap Monster)

*he saw you angry yesterday so he kissed you n you pushed him away. you have no idea about how to make promises so you are standing next to him without saying a word*

‘‘do you want to eat pizza?’‘(coldly)

*he smiles brightly*

‘‘with you, yes, i want it’‘

Originally posted by taestylips


Hoseok(J-Hope)

*he catches you when you are smiling to him*

‘‘IS THIS REAL’‘

*he jumps*

‘‘yes, it is n you look disgusting with this hair its making you funny’‘

*laughs*

‘thank god i tought my girlfriend became an angel so i see she is still a devil’‘

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin


Taehyung(V)

*you two meet at mc but he wants to go to a restaurant because its a date*

‘‘what? we are always doing it’‘

*he shakes his head*

‘‘yes we are always DATING but eating a hamburger? if you allow me to kiss you, why not?’‘

Originally posted by rapnamu


Yoongi(Suga)

*he gives you a rose on your 20th birthday*

‘’did you steal it from our garden?’’

*laughs insanely*

‘‘girl, im gonna punch you in the face. cant you act like you love it?’‘

Originally posted by jeonbase


Jungkook

*he kisses your forehead*

‘‘what the f-’‘

*he breaths*

‘‘yes i love u too’‘

Originally posted by jkguks

-Puppy

4 | No Escape

Genre: Apocolypse AU / Fluff / Angst / Future Smut

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 1,863

Warnings: Mentions of dead bodies and blood, gory, mentions of rape

“What are you going to do? Shoot me with that gun? Little man, If you would look around, I think I out numbered you by maybe fifteen people.”

Masterlist ♥︎

Ask/Request

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 5

A/n: Sorry this part is so short, its sort of just a fill in chapter

Keep reading

au ideas
  • “you’re my roommate and the only one on campus who isn’t planning on going home for christmas bc you have family troubles but my mom wouldn’t mind if u stayed with us for christmas so u won’t be alone” au
  • “i only realized i was in love with u after u died and like 3 yrs later u come back as a fuckin angel or some shit and oh god you’re even cuter than i remember and i missed you like hell pls marry me” au
  • “i’m paranoid as hell and i think my house is haunted so i called over a paranormal investigator and oh no you’re really hot?? also it looks like my house really is haunted and its serious so i guess we’re gonna have to spend more time together until we figure out how to deal with this” au
  • “we live together and you have to film something for a project and the subject ur assigned is horror so u drag me to a haunted forest bc you want ur film to be THE BEST but it turns out there really is something lurking in the forest and we’re both terrified as hell and can’t find our way out” au
  • “i woke up in our dorm room in the dead of the night and u weren’t there and when u didn’t come back i got super worried so i wandered around campus until i found u shivering in the bleachers, and u looked really upset so i gave u my jacket and stayed out there with u for an hour until u finally told me what was wrong” au
  • “i have an awful fear of fireworks so on the fourth of july we stay in our dorm room while u strum ur guitar and try everything u can to calm me down” au
  • “you’re having a nightmare and i feel bad because you’re trembling and crying so i crawl into bed with u and hold u so u feel safe, but in the morning u wake up with my arms wrapped around u you’re really confused and embarrassed” au
  • “i’m a siren and you’re a pirate but i decide not to kill u because you’re actually really really REALLY cute oh shit” au
  • “you’re blind and at the airport and you’re really stressed out, hey it turns out we have the same flight, how about u just hold my hand and i can be your eyes, mostly because i feel bad but also because you’re super cute” au
  • “u walked in on me while i was playing a horror game and i screamed out of sheer terror bc i thought u were a monster coming to steal my soul and now ur laughing and i would be mad but your laugh is really, really cute” au
  • “you kissed me in an attempt to steal my wallet but i know all the tricks haha sucks for u, let’s get coffee sometime and i can teach you some goddamn manners” au
  • “i have to kiss u for spin the bottle/truth or dare and it turns out you’re an amazing kisser and now i’m hella attracted to u, wanna get dinner sometime? maybe make out a bit?” au
  • “you’re a lesser-known artist and i’m hanging out at a small art studio in the city and you catch me staring in awe at your work” au
  • “you’re my patient and i’m trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with you but it’s hard to do that when you’re flirting with me, seriously dude i’m not gonna be able to diagnose you as easily when you’re telling me how my labcoat complements my eyes jfc” au
  • “you caught some guy trying to drug my drink at the bar so u punched him and now we’re at my place where i’m cleaning the blood off your face and endlessly thanking you” au
  • “we’re stuck in a convenience store because there’s a huge-ass storm and you’re freaking the fuck out because you’re terrified so i guess since i’m your best friend i’ll just sit with you in this aisle and sing to you to try and calm you down” au
  • “i literally took a bullet for you and now you owe me big time” au
  • “we’re at a mutual friend’s wedding on a ferry so after the initial wedding we’re stuck at the afterparty until we get back to shore, and since we both despise huge crowds we just sorta hang around each other and one thing leads to another and we wake up in the same bed” au

anonymous asked:

My dude if u ever have the time, I would appreciate Delsin Rowe Dating headcanons

[WHEEZES] HhhhhHHHHH MY FRIEND I HAVE GOT THIS I AM MAKING TIME FOR THIS. LOOK AT ME [SLAMS FIST ON THE TABLE] I AM HERE FOR YOU. I GOT THIS

Originally posted by delsin-r0we

  • This mf is fly as fuck with you and it’s awful because he knows it. Every time he manages to impress you with anything he does, he gets this like smug grin on his face that’s really cute, but also really infuriating. You just want to punch him in the face or kiss him for it. It’s usually the latter.
  • If its cold he’ll let you wear his beanie. I hope you feel special because he never lets anyone touch his beanie. It’s like… sacred.
  • Expect him to show up randomly sometimes at your window in a burst of smoke or sometime, knocking on the glass with a big dumb grin. If you tell him to stop it and use the door like a normal person, expect Delsin to show up at the window a lot more.
  • He still defaces public property like mad and now you’ll see a lot of like graffiti that relates to you in areas you frequent. Like there might be some suspicious graffiti on a wall you pass of a silhouette of two people holding hands and they really very suspiciously look like the two of you. God, what a D O R K.
  • Speaking of, expect lots of random late night trips with Delsin to set up crazy displays of his art. You learn a few things about how your boyfriend does his thing and when you first start you totally make a mess (paint all over your hands and clothes, oh god). The best part of those evenings is the end though, when Delsin takes you to high up places to look over the city. It’s really nice. Lots of smooching may be involved.
  • Expect lots of calls and messages from Betty and Reggie. Look, Delsin gets into a lot of trouble and while being with you has calmed him down a bit, they’re still worried. They’re family after all. It’s fun to visit Betty on the reservation and she’s so much fun to talk to because she’s got loads of anecdotes about both Delsin and Reggie. The woman is a total riot. Reggie likes to look after you and is constantly reminding you that if you ever need help or if you’re in trouble you can call him and he’ll come running. You suppose it’s good to have a police officer as a friend!
  • There are moments when Delsin’s self esteem slips and he feels like some dumb punk with no future which totally isn’t true. During these times, he’ll seek you out, usually in your home and he’ll just curl up in your arms and want some silent support. He’ll bounce back, just give him some time. Don’t worry too much that he doesn’t want to talk to you, the fact that he’s gone to you and staying quietly in one spot instead of wrecking face somewhere is a good thing.
  • Awful jokes.
    “Guess what?”
    “What?”
    “You want the D.”
    Ohhhhh my god.” you do.

✤✤✤✤✤✤

  masterlist  
  If you like my work, please consider buying me a coffee :)

sleptinlastnightsclothes  asked:

tfw ur instructor has ur class spar and u face two guys back to back who punch u directly in the boob like cmon guys we're train to aim for the center of the body not the right tit

I’m so sorry if this message has been sitting in the inbox forever; I’ve been running this blog from mobile and it doesn’t give notifications. 

But yes, THIS. I think every female martial artist with boobs has had this happen at least once. Even other girls are guilty of this, too, because let’s face it, when it comes to combat these “things” get in the way. Sports bras can bind and hold them down, but that doesn’t make breasts any less sensitive. Unfortunately a lot of people think chest = solar plexus, and us women are on the losing end of that one.

In my art when we spar we don’t wear any protection over the chest, so it’s open season during matches, ugh. 

anonymous asked:

Eeeem may i request headcanon RFA where MC feel insecure about her tummy and freckles please?

A/N: wow I didn’t know the anons could describe me (ʘᗩʘ’) BUT NO, FOR REAL, ANON, OR ANYONE READING THIS, as an insecure girl with a tummy and freckles, lemme tell you, you AREN’T ALONE, AND I LOVE YOU. If you aren’t feeling well about yourself you can always feel free to message the page and talk to me (or mod 626), we’ll always listen and try to help you!! You’re all so beautiful and deserve all of the love in the world ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ~Mod 404

Also, wow this was hard because the bottom line is???? They’ll all love you for who you are??? I really don’t think any of them care about looks my dudes <3

*YOOSUNG:

           -He doesn’t understand why you’re upset?

           -He doesn’t care about your looks, you’re still the cutest human being in the universe to him, inside and out

           -He may not understand why you think badly about your tummy, but you can bet he’ll always cuddle you close when he notices you’re insecure

           -He’ll always kiss it in hopes that you’ll love it just as much as he does!

           -He can spend hours counting the freckles strung across your nose

           -Every time you make him lose count, he’ll kiss your nose and pout

           -Literally hides all the mirrors in the house if he sees you cry even once

           -Cried solely because you did

           -Likes to put little star stickers on your freckles

           -“MC! MC! Your freckles have me star-struck!!”

           -Stop hanging out with Saeyoung

           -Looks so proud of his pick-up line that you can’t help but smile and giggle

           -S U C C E S S

           -JUST WANTS YOU TO LOVE YOURSELF AS MUCH AS HE DOES!!!

*ZEN:

           -I think everyone in the fandom has just accepted that he’s into body worship

               -The moment you even seem slightly insecure of your tummy

               -He’lL BUST INTO THE ROOM, READY TO KISS EVERY BAD THOUGHT AWAY

               -MC, can I punch insecurities in the face?

               -No, Zenny, you cannot

               -He’s seen all different types of people with all different body types, and all different (cute) quirks about them

               -He has no preference, he loves everyone for what’s on the inside!

               -THAT INCLUDES YOU MC, BECAUSE YOU’RE AN AMAZING PERSON, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE

               -If he catches you judging yourself in the mirror, he’ll hug you from behind and kiss the side of your head while slowly walking you away from it

               -Reminds you constantly how much he loves your body when you two are intimate y'all know what I mean, wink wonk, lenny face

               -Always gripping your sides, and tries to kiss each and every freckle he can find on your body

               -You can interpret if that’s sexual or not, have fun my dudes

*JAEHEE:

               -She can’t get any work done because she’s always zoning out on your freckles

               -She’s just fascinated, don’t take it the wrong way!!

               -She really likes them

               -It makes you completely unique!!!

               -No one in the world can have the same exact set of freckles as you, and she thinks that makes you 1000x more beautiful

               -Though she already thought you were the most beautiful thing in the universe

               -ShE THINKS YOU’RE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN ZEN, COME ON, SHE LOVES YOU

               -She realizes that you’re a thicker woman, but doesn’t care??

               -You’re sweet, caring, and patient, she doesn’t care if you’ve got a tummy

               -Besides, when you two are laying on the couch, your tummy makes a great pillow!

               -Snuggles against your tummy and immediately gets a warm, homey feeling

               -If she catches you when you’re upset, she’ll make you some coffee, hold you close and listen to you rant about it

               -Afterwards she’ll tell everything she loves about you

               -Which is all the things you said you disliked but hearing her say it back to you is just so sweet

*JUMIN:

               -Just like everyone else, he doesn’t get why you’re insecure about it

               -You helped him come out of his shell and manage his emotions, he loves you for your personality

               -Why do you care what you look like??? He doesn’t

               -He always has all of your clothes tailored to flatter your body in hopes that you’ll feel more confident about yourself

               -Though you two are still trying to work on his empathy skills, he’s still very sensitive to your emotions

               -He can just tell when you’re upset! So he’ll drop whatever he’s working on just to listen to you!

               -Once you’re done talking about what makes you feel bad about yourself, he takes you to the bedroom to show you just how much he loves your body oh shit waddup

               -If you aren’t up for being intimate, he’ll just sit across from you and softly poke every freckle he sees until you can’t take the tickling sensation any more

               -Always brings Elizabeth the Third to you when you’re upset

               -She cuddles into you, and loves the warmth you radiate!! She loves you no matter what!!!

               -Elly loves you no matter what? THAT MEANS JUMIN LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT!!

*SAEYOUNG:

               -He’s insecure too, but no, yoU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE!

               -YOU’RE AMAZING HOW DARE YOU THINK BADLY OF YOURSELF!

               -Listen,,,, bitch,,,,, don’t be hypocritical

               -He gets SO sad when you’re upset!

               -Wraps the two of you up in ridiculously huge blankets like a burrito so you can’t escape the cuddles

               -You listen and help him through his insecurities, so of course he’ll do the same for you!

               -Constant forehead kisses while you rant about your body to him

               -Like, literally, it’s almost as if his lips are glued to your forehead

               -Constant tummy tickles because he just can’t keep his hands off

               -So what if you’ve got a tummy, that’s just more of you to cudDLE!!

               -FURIOUS CUDDLING

               -Likes to look for constellations in your freckles just like he does with the stars

               -Slowly leans closer and closer to your face when looking at your freckles just to watch you blush

               -Always goes in for a soft, loving kiss

               -He’ll tell you just how thankful he is that you’re in his life, and just how much he loves you for who you are, inside and out

V and Saeran weren’t asked for but…I just…can’t…. bring myself to leave them out thESE ARE MY SUNSHINES MY ONLY SUNSHINES

*V:

               -Beautiful ray of sunshine literally pouts when you’re insecure

               -Always taking pictures of you because he thinks you’re so beautiful!

               -The camera can’t catch all of your beauty and it upsets him!!!!!!

               -Holds your face and brushes his thumb over your freckles a lot right before he kisses you

               -He literally made a scrapbook of all his favourite pictures of you

               -It’s every picture of you he’s ever seen/taken, this book is huge, how does he hide it wtf

               -When you’re upset, he pulls out the book!

               -Spends hours with you looking at the pictures, pointing out every little detail of each one

               -Because he loves them all!!!!

               -Seeing pictures of your body would usually make you feel more insecure, but when you see how well these were taken, and hear how much love is laced in his voice when he describes them

               -How could you feel bad??

               -So many close up pictures as well as full body ones

               -Seeing how the lighting in different pictures illuminates your freckles

               -Well damn, these are fan-fucking-tastic

               -He’ll sit you on his lap, looking at the book until you’re no longer upset, or until you fall asleep, whichever comes first

*SAERAN:

               -Like Jumin, you’ve helped him through so much, he loves you for your personality not what you look like

               -Even though he loves you for your personality, he still thinks you’re very attractive

               -There more of you to cuddle!!!

               -He doesn’t admit it, but he love love loves holding you close, because you’re so warm and soft

               -And let’s be honest here, he’s not used to that in his life i’m sorRY

               -When he see’s you upset over your tummy, he pouts and picks you up, carrying you to the bed

               -Will cuddle and keep you in bed for D A Y S if you’re still upset

               -Holds you completely against him, tightly so you can’t get away

               -“We’re gonna stay here until you stop thinking badly about yourself. That’s it.”

               -Loves staring at your freckles!

               -Always trying to memorize each one, so he spends hours staring

               -Also will very blatantly check you out constantly

               -If you catch him, he doesn’t look away, if anything he does it more

               -AND SMIRKS, WHAT A FUCKING SNEAK

               -Especially enjoys watching how flustered you get when he’s staring at you

First Kiss (Johnny Scenario)

You wake up to the ringing of your phone. Picking it up you smile as you read the caller id.


“Hello?” You answer trying not to sound as if you barley woke up but miserably failing since your croaky voice made it evident.


“Please tell me that you are not just barley waking up?!“


“No.” You lyingly say.


“Are you sure about that?” He says with a hint of amusement in his voice.


“Yes Johnny, I’m sure. Now what’s up?” You respond slightly annoyed.


Johnny was/is the closest friend that you have. You guys kept in contact everyday and he was one of the few people you would hang out with frequently. But even though he was like your best friend he did get annoying sometimes but you still loved him mainly because you had a crush on him that nobody but you knew and you were planning to keep it that way.


You were too scared to face the fact that if your feelings were to come out he would not feel the same. That’s why it was better for you to keep it inside. But honestly, the more you talked and hanged out with him the more your feelings grew.


“I was wondering if you wanted to go watch a movie or something?”


You sit in silence trying to keep the sound of excitement from escaping your mouth.


“Hello? Planet earth to (y/n).”


“Oh yeah sure.” You manage to say.


“Okay cool, I will pick you up at your house at six? Does that sound good?“


“Yes sounds good.” You say as a smile began to form on your face.


You finish saying goodbye and hang up. Looking at the time you see that you still have alot of time to spare before Johnny picks you up so being the lazy bum that you are you crawl back into bed and fall back to sleep.

.~.~.


You were awaken by the sound of a message. Lazily grabbing your phone you see that it was message from Johnny.


“On my way…I’ll be there in 10 min.”


Shit- You immediately climb out of bed and head to the bathroom. Noticing your bed hair as you look into the mirror you quickly began to comb it out. Once done, you begin applying a quick layer of makeup. With one last glance in the mirror you head out towards your closet. You were not in the mood to wear jeans so you decided to not wear any. You looked down at yourself and noticed that you were just wearing an oversized pink t-shirt from last night so you decided to leave it on and just throw on a denim jacket.


The sound of your phone going off startled you, making your way to answer you see that it was Johnny. He’s already here- You thought as you put on your white shoes. Without answering you made your way to the full length mirror to have one last look at yourself and made sure everything looked put together and decent. You notice that some baby hairs were sticking out on top of your head so you grab your white hat to cover them. Your phone rang once more as you grabbed your bag and started to head out. Once you made it outside you saw Johnny sitting in his car with his phone to his ear. As he noticed you coming he put his phone down and smiled.

“Took you long enough. I was already planning to leave you here and go by myself.” He says as you climb in and close the door.


“Oh please you would be bored out of your mind without me.”


He pushes your hat off your head as he childishly mocks you.


“Aiish Johnny!” You say annoyed as he drives off.


~·~·~·

“Did you like the movie?”

You were looking out the window and too caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t noticed that Johnny asked you a question.


“ Y/n?” He asks turning to look at you shaking you from your thoughts.


You turn to look at him and you see a confused face looking back at you.


“Are you okay?”


“Yes I am.” You say nodding your head repeatedly.


Truth was, you were not. The same confused look that Johnny had on his face a minute ago reflected how you felt on the inside.


During the movie Johnny was acting weird compared to all the other times that you guys were together. An incident occurred that made your heart skip a beat and confused at the same time.

While watching the movie Johnny placed his hand on yours. You thought it had had been accidently since he was getting too into the movie, but after a while his hand still remained on top of yours. He intertwined his fingers with yours and began caressing the top of your thumb with his.

This lasted short because you were beginning to get all sweaty and nervous. You quickly removed your hand from his before he felt the sweat that was forming due to your nervousness.

Johnny took notice of your action but acted like nothing happened and continued to pretend to watch the movie.


The sudden stop of the vehicle broke you from your thoughts once more. You shake your thoughts away as you turned to Johnny and slightly smiled.


“You’re back home.” He said as he returned the smile.


You nod and as you unbuckle yourself. Johnny gets down and heads to open the car door for you. You stare in awe, shocked at what was happening before your eyes. Johnny was never this attentive towards you which made you really confused on why all the sudden changes now.


As you climb out the car, Johnny closes the door and begins walking closely behind as you made your way to your house door.


Slowly turning around to tell him thank you he interrupts you.


“Before you say anything about what happened tonight I want to clear things out for you so you won’t be confused anymore.”


“Johnny, I-”


“I like you, y/n.” He says as he stares straight at you with blushing cheeks.


You stand in silence trying to process what has been told to you. Your heart beginning to race as you felt like you were on cloud 9.


“What?” Was that all that managed to come out of your mouth.


“I have fallen for my best friend. I just couldn’t help it, the more I tried to avoid this the stronger it became. I just love how I can be myself around you and feel very comfortable while being with you.” He says as he starts getting closer and closer to you. You were now inches away from each other. He stared down at you with his beautiful brown eyes as you admired the rest of his beautiful face features.


He begins coming closer, lips so close that with just one small swift move they would become one. He stares at your lips and then at your eyes as if looking for approval to move forward.

You stare at his soft lips and without hesitation you slowly connect your lips to his. His lips were soft and delicate as yours molded with his. He slowly cups your face as the kiss got more intimate. It was slow yet affective, since now you felt all types of feelings in your body. He breaks the kiss very slowly as he looks down at you and smiles.


“So I guess you feel the same way?” He says.


“Yes, I like you too Johnny and a lot!” You say as a huge grin appeared on his face.

He hugs you tightly as you nuzzle your face on his chest. Hearing the loud thumping of his heart you smiled to yourself.


“So, now I guess since there will be more kissing between us, you should get a stool or something to step on because I feel like I’m going to end up with a broken neck after all this bending down to kiss you.” He says as he pulls away from the hug.


“Omg Johnny!” You say as your roll your eyes and lightly punch him on his chest.

He lets out a laugh as he takes you back into his arms. He grabs your chin so you can face him and he lightly kisses you.


“Or I will just deal with it because I love you so much.”

anonymous asked:

¡Hola hola! I was wondering if you could do one of those things like how would it be like to be Percy's younger half sister? Also I love how much you interact with everyone it's honestly great

oh my god thank you what the fuck ?!

also, you’re v nice hola!!!

okay, here we go :

• protective older brother !!!!

• ‘so perce I think I have a crush on’ 'lmao what no you don’t’

• anytime you mention that someone is cute, he shuts you down in five fucking seconds like ur still five and you can never love anyone ever

• 'Percy you kissed Annabeth when you were fifteen’ 'and ??’

• you don’t talk about boys to him anymore, you go to Jason and Piper, they help out way more

• tEASES AND MESSES WITH YOU LIKE ALL THE FUCKING TIME

• 'y/n’ 'what’ *ur soaked in three gallons of water*

• Percy’s a lil shit we all know this, everyone knows this

• is good at pushing all your buttons

• cOmPeTiTive !!!!!

• 'bet you three blue jolly ranchers that I can get to the lake before you’ he’d smirk at you

• 'you’re on fish face’

• lAmE NICKNAMES BYE HE’D CALL U LIKE CRUSTY BARNACLE OR LIKE DUMB SHIT

• 'ur my squishy and I shall call you my squishy’ *Percy squishes your cheeks together and you just want to punch him in the face*

• tHE ULTIMATE COCK BLOCK

• everyone who likes you is afraid to ask you out because secretly Percy threatened all of them

• when you finally get a significant other, it’s a wrAP

• Percy interrogates them for like three hours before you’re like 'Percy shut the fuck up’ and then he turns all soft

• 'Y/N you killed my scary demeanor!’ 'Too bad’

• as much as y'all annoy each other, you guys are very supportive of each other

• Percy : *is sparring w/ someone*

You : 'yES PERCY FUCK IT UPPPPP’

• when you two are in battle, it’s a force not many can stop.

• like yeah, everyone knows about the son of Poseidon, but bitch the daughter of Poseidon catches everyone off guard

• where Percy’s main focus is water, yours is earthquakes

• literally leaves enemy’s sHOOK

• you’re a p good sword fighter bc of Percy

• but you’re better with that one machine gun in the Weapon Shed that lITERALLY NOBODY HAS TAKEN YET LIKE FUCK THE AESTHETIC THERES A GUN U CAN USE

• (I have an oc that uses the gun lmao)

• you’re always in Percy’s bed because y'all have nightmares like nobody’s business

• you adore Percy, as much as you’d hate to admit it

• he adores you, and won’t shut the fuck up about it

• ur home girl is Sally she’s a great second mom to you (mom if you decide that ur mom is dead)

• y'all stress Sally out but she loves you two.

• eMBarASSING PERCY in fRONT OF ANNABETH

• bye

• oh also y'all ended up in a prank war with the Stolls

• they dyed you and Percy’s hair blue

• they immediately regretted it bc y'all looked dumb good with it

• Poseidon kids with blue hair

• das what I’m here for okay I’m done

- nez

imagine sam shut you up with dean in the dungeon because you two got angy at each other for none reason

“No! Sam! Don’t shut us u….” right away the door of the dungeon got slammed right in your face. fist where slamming on the door. You and dean were angry at Sam and at each other but still you don’t know. You got pissed because you on your period and dean you don’t know.

After 10 min you give it up. Your hands were red of punching on the door. You know there was no help to get you out of here. dean in the other hand he was still busy with punching to door and yelling at Sam.

“I think you can stop now because he never going to hear it.” You said. Dean turned around and met your eyes. He sign and came sit next to you.

It was quite for a few minutes until dean broke the silence. “I’m sorry.” He said. You looked confuse at him. “why do you look like that?”

“because I’m confuse. Why do you apologies I’m the one that should apologies.” You said and stood to sit the opposite of him to look him better in the eyes. “I’m the one with the period and I’m not in the mood and anything and I’m yelling at every one.”

“yeah, but im the one that was still angry because the hunt gone wrong yesterday and everything.” It was quite for a few minute until you broke the silence.

“we’re both in a bad mood but why are we mad at each other in the first place?” dean get his shoulders up. You were in deep thought because there need to be away to get out of here. “Is here somewhere a door or something where we can get out.” You said and looked around.

“no. why do you want to get Sam a payback for this or something.” You looked over to dean and give him a grin. Right away he knew where you was talking about. “aha, how do you want to payback Sam?”

“don’t know, but were figure that out later now first we need to get out of here.” you looked around for something to use. After a while you found a paperclip. “I think we need to do it on the old way.” You said and picked on the lock of the door.

Dean was just standing there watching your busy to open the door. “are you sure that this is going to work?” you shook your head and continue.

After a half hour of picking on the lock you manage to open it. “Yes! I got him.” You opened the door and looked around for a sign of Sam.

You came in the war room and saw Sam sitting at the library table. You need to get a plan quick to payback Sam what he did. And you got on. You came in the library and sit on the opposite of Sam. Sam notice you and looked confuse. “how did you get out of the dungeon? I locked the door.” You smiled and showed the paperclip.

Sam nodded with a smile. “so, thank of your action we are not angry and we have something in the dungeon for you.” You saw that Sam didn’t trust it but he walked with you toward the dungeon. Dean already stood there. He opened the door and push Sam inside.

“hey! What is this? Guys!” Sam yelled. He heard you and dean laughing.

“you can get out when you cooled down!” you yelled back. You and dean smiled.

“I’m hungry. Should we get a burger together?” dean asked.

“yeah, good idea.” You and dean walked away. “o and Sammy we get a salad for you to.” You yelled.

Before you was end of the hall you heard Sam still yelling. “this is not funny! Guys! Hey!”

tags : @winchesters-favorite-girl @evyiione @attackonjackson @percussiongirl2017 @saveprettydays @lauren-novak @captainemwinchester @sisterwinchesterwriter @infamati–et–obliterati