because i used to love her so much

amazing things that have happened in my first three days of uni:
- met a girl who shouted YOU ARE SHINING at me from a doorway and then vanished for hours
- about a day later, I taught her how to use a toaster
- “how many freshers does it take to make a piece of toast”
- made a pasta bake and ate it all at once
- danced with a million people
- made friends with the coolest people ever
- found out i’m not the only not-hetero in the flat and there is a BUNCH OF US and we feel so comfortable now
- a girl almost cried last night because she loved us all so much already
- i almost cried because i love them all so much already
- life is fucking GOOD

Day 633 - @cyarindraws is hosting a drawing event on her instagram stories and asked us to draw some fanart using this pose. Of course my mind went straight to these two, so here’s Alistair telling the Warden some crazy story. The reason I love Dragon Age and their characters so much is that you decide how you interact with them, and therefore everyone has a different connection, a different view of them. Alistair is my fave because throughout the game he learns to choose himself, to take control over his own life, and you can encourage him in that while also letting him be vulnerable. It was very powerful to me the first time I played Origins and he hasn’t let me, or my Warden, go since 😘

gingergirl1234laxlaxooh  asked:

i think i identify with tonks and the weasley twins but i'm not really sure why? can you explain a bit? i think for tonks it's my attitude and the way i dress but idk lol

I don’t know how I’ve become The Analyst here, but I’ll give it a shot.  I love Tonks.  You know those old voice-password journals?  Where you set a verbal password and had to use that to unlock it?  I had one as a preteen and set it to Nymphadora, because it’s something that should never be uttered aloud…much like my birth name, which I hated so much I legally changed it.  I definitely identified with her.  I was always doing crazy shit with my hair/clothes as a teenager under the guise of “What Would Tonks Do?”

Tonks was fun, independent, free-spirited, unbothered by social norms, and above all she was patient (to an extent), kind, loyal, and just so full of love.  She knew what she wanted and she went for it.  She built Remus up and loved him unconditionally, loved him for all that he was, loved his entire history and wanted so much for his future.  She loved her family, she was proud of her heritage, she was unapologetic and such a fighter.  And she was a klutz, which we all identify with at times.  Can you imagine being as clumsy as she was and still having the nerve to enlist as an auror?  I love her.

Fred and George are two characters I LOVE to write about.  I will always find a way to incorporate them in my fanfics, no matter how clunky and awkward, because they belong in the story.  I have my own headcanons and characterizations for them that probably have no basis in actual canon and have more to do with various fanfics I’ve read.  But in canon, they are loyal and protective of Harry, and their main goal usually has something to do with making people feel better.  They used their wits and humor to brighten lives, even in the middle of a war, under their own stresses.  Life without humor is awful and things got really dark when the twins weren’t (both) around in the books…  

I think their values are what we should aspire to when our friends are facing hard times.  They brought jokes when they could and showed up with a flying car when they couldn’t.

Okay @ everyone saying they miss the old taylor, she’s still our taylor guys. She’s still the same woman who baked cookies for us and invited us into her homes and posts videos of her cats and interacts with us like we’re her best friends on a daily basis. Don’t mistake her cutting herself off from the media outlets who continue to bash her every year for cutting herself off from us, because that’s the complete opposite of what’s happening. If anything our relationship with her has grown so much closer, I mean she’s not on any other social media except for Tumblr where she can see us supporting her and loving her and making things fun again. This new era isn’t the start of a new taylor who is cold and cuts herself off from anyone and hates her fans, this is the era of her standing up for herself and fighting back harder than she ever has before against the people who have constantly tried to take her down. Please know the difference.

animation/character design talk

First i’ll talk about smaller details cuz why not? 

The animation crew really go above and beyond with detail, like here for example, adding in this small detail of Neil struggling to keep his balance is nice to see because it really adds just that little extra layer of ‘awkward noodle limbed kid’ that is Neil to a T.

The slow movement that builds up in contrast to the quick snap back to their initial position is so fluid and it’s satisfying to watch here. Moments like this really gives so much personality to the characters and adds emphasis to their speech in very much the same way real people speak with their movement and actions.

I know i already talked about this part before (specifically the use of stretch and squash) but i can’t help but bring it up again because It’s SO good. I love how David is animated, he’s constantly being exaggerated and it fits his character perfectly. This jump is so extra….!??

Even when characters are standing still, they all stand different from one another in a way that says something about their characters.

ex:

  • Neil’s raptor hands
  • Max’s hands in his hoodie
  • Nikki’s hands on her hips 

If they were silhouettes we would still be able to tell who’s who 

thoughts on the character design:

I really appreciate that everyone has different shapes in their designs, no one shares the same shapes. (except Daniel and David obviously because they’re twins) Almost all the campers even wear their Camp Campbell T-shirts differently! I also like the variety of different skin tones. In many animated series/films there’s a tendency to make everyone look too similar, I’m glad cc avoided doing that. Everyone’s design is very pleasing to look at. 

btw feel free to add onto this post if you want!! 

one aspect of… lesbian loneliness, i guess, that has always impacted me a lot is how gay activism tends to center around gay couples. being single was so hard bc not only was my dating pool minuscule and hard to find, but also because there’s a disconnect between “single lesbian woman who deserves respect to have her rights respected” and “lesbian couple who deserve to love each other”. i hear a lot about the latter in mainstream politics, but not as much about the former

being a lesbian can and does cause us heartbreak and hardships whether we’re in relationships or not. in fact, being single can be even more painful than experiencing homophobia while in a relationship

your family hopes you’ll finally fall back into your good old heterosexual ways and your friends offer casually to hook you up with men if you’d be down and any trauma or abuse you’ve endured from other women you can’t even breathe a word about around straight people because they’ll just blame your gay identity, so you bottle it all up and then suddenly your family can’t understand why you’re not dating anyone (“are you hesitant to start dating men again?”) when really you’re a traumatized shell of a person with so little resources for the kind of suffering you endure

being gay and gay suffering does not end at our love and relationships

An Aquarius and I were sitting out in the park just relaxing, and suddenly she started kissing my neck and whispered, “I’m scared of getting too attached too quick to you, but you’re making this too difficult for me. I can’t stop thinking about you and I hate you for this..” She then bombarded me with kisses.

An Aries rubbed her hands together and sighed. “I’m so scared..” She said, “I’m scared of being a failure, to fail is something I can’t really see myself doing, and IF this relationship between us fails l, then I am too blame because I probably didn’t do my part.”

A Cancer looked at me with a small smile on her face and said, “I’m scared to love you. I’m scared to even think of loving you, but I have been through so much, so just wait for me to open up, okay?”

A Capricorn let out a small laugh and just looked at me and pushed me playfully, and then suddenly she got quiet and gently held my hand into hers. She looked back at me and said, “I’m not very good with words. I can’t always express myself the way you want me to, but believe me, I love you so much and I just don’t want you to think that I don’t. I see you. I feel you. You make me happy, okay?”

A Gemini slowly placed her hands on my face and squeezed my face playfully, then slowly got quiet before letting go and smiled. “Get use to me..”, she said as she backs away from me. “I’m the accurate Gemini and you wouldn’t want to get too attached if I just up and leave..” she slowly slowed down and stopped, “but that doesn’t mean you can just accept that, because for once I want someone to chase the fuck out of me..”

A Leo and I were cuddling and she slowly lifted my hand and looked at it and she snuggled closer to me and said, “I’m sorry if you think I’m very demanding at times, and I know that my pride gets the best of me, and I can’t seem to lower my pride when I know I’m in a wrong, but for you..” She looked up and stared at you. “I’m going to do everything for us to just work and we better meet halfway, okay?”

A Libra sat ontop of me in bed and we just talked the whole night like this, and slowly said, “I always think that I’d feel lost, or lose myself, when I know I’ll be deep in my feelings and no one is there to really listen to me, or even when I need someone.. I fear that I’d be just alone.. I’m scared, you know?” I watched her got quiet and I pulled her down and held her close to me and whispered to her that I will be here for her and she buried herself to me, holding onto me tightly..

A Pisces rolled and slowly inched herself closer to me and said, “I’m scared to wake up and to find you not in love with me anymore. To give my all to you, and you’ll just slowly just lose feelings for me right away…” She started to whimper and continued, “to feel like this will all be just a dream because you have been nothing but a blessing to me and I can’t lose this. I don’t want to lose this, to lose you. So, please reassure me every single damn day, asshole..”

A Sagittarius placed her arms around her my neck and whispered softly, “I overthink too much about things and I can’t stop. You’re in my thoughts alot. You always do..” Her hands rub the back of my neck and she slowly starts to sway us together. “I just can’t help that I’m like this when I’m with you..”

A Scorpio reached for my hands and squeezed them as tightly as she can and said, “I told you I have trust issues, and I have been hurt in the past, and I couldn’t put myself out there for you, and I just wanted you to know that if you give me a bit more time you’ll know.. you’ll know when I’m ready again.”

A Taurus and I were out in downtown and I watched her walk infront of me. She then turned around with her hands on her back and slowly walked towards me and said, “I’m falling for you, you know? But I’m not there yet. I’m scared to fall, because [laugh] I haven’t had anyone tried to catch me.. and I’m scared..” She looks into my eyes and slowly she reached for my hands. “I am falling for you, and I hope you’re there to catch me…”

A Virgo stared at me long and hard, she then leaned to kiss my cheek softly and said, “I have a fear of commitment. I’ve had alot of people promise me things and completely mistreated me and I know you mean well, but could you just.. can we take things slow? Because I don’t want to ruin this. I don’t want to ruin us. I like you, I really do but you’re..” I kissed her and she kisses back and suddenly she pulled away with a smirk on her face, “There you go again.. God, you’re at it again..”

—  Fears
I'M ABOUT TO GO ON A SUPER LONG RANT ABOUT THESE ANTI-SARAH ASSHOLES AND I'D LIKE YOU TO READ

There are so many toxic people who are anti-SJM or anti-so-and-so-character in this fandom. It’s definitely good to take a critical look at something you love to see if it’s unhealthy or problematic. Sarah isn’t perfect. She writes a lot of white characters, a lot of her characters are hetero; but she’s genuinely trying to get better. When we started complaining about all the white characters she wrote the Illyrians, she wrote the Summer Court. A lot of this fandom views Manon as East Asian. Could there be more? Definitely. When we pointed out that there were a lot of hetero relationships she wrote Morrigan, a lesbian, she wrote Aedion as bi, I personally think Manon is also bi. She also wrote a gay couple in Heir of Fire. She slips these in so subtly and doesn’t make a big deal out of it, so people forget. The only complaint brought up by y'all that is complete bullshit is that she’s romanticizing abusive relationships. If y'all want to know why I think I have the right to call bullshit on that you can talk to me personally. She’s one of the very few authors that truly listens to her audience and tries to improve herself. She’s worked so hard since she first wrote Throne of Glass. She’s always writing new material for us, traveling to meet us, and executing all of the technicalities to give us new material! And y'all have the gall to call her lazy, when her dad has just had a heart attack and she has her own health issues?!? SARAH ISN’T HERE TO SERVE US. SHE’S A FUCKING HUMAN WITH HER OWN LIFE. It’s healthy to take a critical look at a fandom or something you love. But picking apart literally everything she does is fucking awful and extremely unhealthy. Trying to stamp out the joy that other people get from Sarah’s work is vile. I cried when I read how well Sarah had written Aelin’s crippling depression, because she had put what I was going through into words so well and I felt a so much less alone. There are so many people who connect with Sarah’s writing and being an asshole and telling people that it’s problematic when it’s really not is atrocious. No one is going to be perfect and I truly feel sorry for the people who feel like they have to trumpet their hate out to the world. Sarah isn’t perfect but neither are you, and holding her to an impossible standard is unhealthy for you and for her. I don’t like Cassandra Clare and I think she’s problematic, but do I shit on everyone else’s love for her books? No, because I’m not an asshole. I really can’t summon up any emotion for these people except for disgust.

This is one of the most shallow reasons for why Kara and Lena are a great match (especially because there are so many great non shallow reasons) but I love that Kara won’t have to worry about spending any extra money she has on food because Lena’s a damn billionaire. I know it’s a running gag about how much Kara loves food but she honestly needs a lot of it.

Kara probably has a semi decent income from CatCo but with all her expenses and the fact that she most likely isn’t paid by the DEO, every leftover penny goes to making sure she gets enough calories, especially after she becomes Supergirl and starts using her powers on a daily basis. That’s a ton of food she has to buy in order to balance out how many calories she burns.

But she never wants Lena to think she’s using the woman for her money. Never. So she insists on splitting the bill or ordering much less than she needs if Lena insists on paying and Lena finds it so damn frustrating because why won’t her best friend let her pay for her food???

Until one day it just clicks for Lena after she’s told the Supergirl secret and has done the calorie math in her head and God Kara how are you able to afford all the food that you need? and the next day when Kara walks into her apartment, she sees that Lena has finally used the key she was given to completely overstock Kara’s kitchen with all sorts meals, snacks, protein bars, etc., with a simple note on the counter saying Let me know when you’re running low and it’s stupid but Kara finds herself getting emotional at Lena’s complete acceptance of who she is.

8

It’s for the most part really lovely because people come to the meet and greets and they show us love. We’re standing there and this girl comes to approach us and you know, we’re both smiling at her.  [x]

I love Reinhardt so much because he’s like this huge buff intimidating old man in a steel armor with a giant hammer that he rams into his opponents… but he’s also a fan of D.Va and shyly asks her to say her catchphrase, he calls his teammates “my friends”, he shouts “wait for me!” when he respawns, he talks about his tan in the map Watchpoint: Gibraltar, he tells Ana she’s as lovely as ever, he often says “I’m not as young as I used to be” when he charges into an obstacle, and when Pharah tells him she used to have posters of him in her room when she was little, he says “I remember the poster! I had good hair in it!”

Tl;dr: Reinhardt is amazing and I’m growing so fond of him

lapis is probably going to leave

@thelightwithinthedark said:

I want to ask you something. From the lines that was said on the trailer for the new season five episodes of Steven Universe. Lapis said “Their gonna take their anger out on this planet just like they did before.” “I won’t let myself get caught up in another war.” What is your take on this and could this give us more of Lapis’ arc? Also I want know on what do you want Lapis to go through so she can have character development? I’m really worried for her and I love her so much. Your very logical.

i think lapis is leaving the barn. it’s been foreshadowed for a very long time, and this was never a mutually happy thing. it was her and the crystal gems trying to coexist, and it mainly worked because they were always avoiding a core issue: they’re determined to defend earth. lapis is not.

why don’t you put that corn in a mirror for thousands of years and then see how it feels about the table? (laughs) it would really… hate the table!

the ‘table’ is earth. and that… never changed. remember, this was long after steven tried to show her the beauty of earth, by way of uh… leaf. and cities.

of course that wasn’t going to be enough.

lapis tried to be positive, because it’s steven, and he’s her friend! she wants him to see her best, and she knows he’s the reason the other crystal gems let an old enemy live on earth, despite trying to kill humans (and their boy).

connie: you almost drowned me when you tried to steal the world’s water

lapis: …i almost drowned a lot of people.

she feels guilty for some of her actions, but after her breakdown, she’s gone back to avoiding all these things. she doesn’t really want to address bad blood with these people when she has nowhere else to go.

that’s why people often remark that she seems ‘out of character’ when talking to steven - she’s actively trying to be the beach summer fun buddy.

life on earth is really confusing… it took me a long time to get used to it. i’m still getting used to it.

but things aren’t so peachy. there are too many reasons she hates the earth, too many tensions between her and the crystal gems, too many things lapis avoids talking about (connie, steven, jasper, greg, the crystal gems as a whole)… it was only a matter of time before the fragile truce was challenged. 

the other CGs don’t have much nice to say about her either.

steven: visiting peridot and lapis will be so much fun!

amethyst: …yeah, cause when i think fun, i think lapis.

pearl was nothing short of scornful of lapis in ocean gem. that never really changed. she’s only tolerating her, even in gem harvest. lapis feels the same, judging by their history, and the malice in her voice when saying peridot should be ‘the pearl’ when pretending to be crystal gems. 

garnet has sympathy for malachite, but even that was with the careful neutrality of “yikes. those two are really bad for each other”. alexandrite agrees, suggesting “you two should spend some time apart”.

you ran? from blue and yellow diamond?!

the benefit of pretending everything’s fine was that lapis was left alone, without having to face more severe consequences, and for the crystal gems, that this very powerful gem didn’t give them any trouble

but... with the diamonds setting their sights on earth, that peace is in question.

they’re gonna take their anger out on this planet just like they did before. i won’t let myself get caught up in another war.

lapis looks out for lapis - that’s always been part of her. she cares for her friends, but she’s also determined to live. despite her guilt, she can be calculating, vicious and desperate to keep the status quos that benefit her. when that is no longer possible, she adapts, lashes out… or flees. 

in other words… the crystal gems will fight for earth. lapis doesn’t want to.

i think acknowledging this is good. lapis’ challenge should involve facing consequences and figuring out what’s right for her now. because this isn’t it.

peridot: earth is our home now! isn’t that worth fighting for?

peridot wants to believe she will stay, but… judging by the lighting, their eye-contact and the angles, we already have lapis’ answer:

She doesn’t tell him about the pregnancy because she feels he’s too tired to deal with that and doesn’t want to be a burden…

She told the kids to not bother him much because she feels he’s too busy to even read them a book…

Her body language expresses a lot of insecurity as she grabs her arm and despite being happy about the marriage, she needed to know if he was genuinely happy about it too, if he really wanted this as much as she did, despite their future together being so uncertain…

In the moment she feels she’s about to die, her first thought is Kaneki’s happiness…

Touka always —unconsciously or not— places Kaneki’s feelings first even before herself. I honestly believe that’s a huge act of love, especially because she knows how reckless he can be by constantly thinking about other’s safety and never worrying about himself, and everyone always took advantage of that weakness of him to use him for their own purposes only. But she wants to make sure that he’s well, that he gets what he wants, what he needs… the fact that she really worries about his feelings is beautiful. There’s a lot of honesty in that kind of love…. 💦

Let me just say that Luna’s bravery as an idol should be commended by everyone. Even non-fans. She has been ignored, torn down, and thrown away by her company, the public, and the majority of a fandom that should at the very least appreciate her, if not actively support her, almost entirely because people used to think she was ugly. Despite all that, she is one of the few idols I know of who on the regular puts herself out there on SNS and Youtube with no makeup. She KNOWS people think she’s ugly, but she loves and wants to share her passion for makeup so much that she is willing to put herself up for everyone to see and show herself from start to finish and she is a happy-pill every step of the way. It takes a lot of strength to show herself like that in the industry she’s in, especially when people take every chance they can get to tear her down, and it’s just one of the many reasons I respect her so much.

Q&A, LOS spoilers, Ty

ti-bae-rius said:Hey! First, thank you for Ty, because he’s the first character I’ve ever had like me. But I wondered whether people like him would be in the dregs program of the Academy? He seems to be able to hold his own in a battle, but the Clave aren’t exactly the most understanding. What’s the policy on the dregs program? Who goes in and who gets to stay in the Shadowhunters stream?


In Ty’s case, he’s never gone to the Academy, so we don’t know for sure where they’d want to put him. Julian worries Ty would end up in with the dregs, but then Julian’s a worrier, and he’s very protective of his family. For all we know, the higher-ups at the academy might see Ty as a great candidate for the Shadowhunter track. But even if they did, Ty might find himself in conflict with the authoritarian rules of the academy, and his teachers might not be understanding of the ways his mind works (such as the usefulness of pipe-cleaner toys to fiddle with, etc). So it’s hard to guess how it would all shake out.

There isn’t a hard and fast rule about where Shadowhunters who are similar to Ty (in the sense of being neuroatypical) would end up. That’s because the Clave doesn’t really believe in or acknowledge autism or anything like it (Julian mentions as things the Clave doesn’t acknowledge, without naming them because he doesn’t have the words, ADHD and dyslexia). Students would be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. Some of them might end up on the “dregs” track. Others might end up on the Shadowhunter track. It would vary from person to person, based on the specifics of their situation. 

asillymango said:I have a weird hunch that the faerie boy Dru saw in the cavern, when she touched the magical faerie thing in Jaime’s bag, will play an important role in TQoAaD. Is he possibly a descendant of the Lost First Heir, or the heir himself? I also remember the crest of the Unseelie King being present in that scene if that could be a possible hint. Another question: could he be what tied the Rosales family to the world of the Fae? If these are spoilers I understand if you choose not to answer them :)

Ash is important to the ongoing story. I can’t tell you much about him, but he appears in QoAD in some unexpected places, making some unexpected alliances. He isn’t related to what ties the Rosaleses to Faerie, though.

wreckofourhearts said:Hi! I finished LoS last week & it left me with one huge question: will Clary’s vision be explained? I can’t see you just bringing up Clary having visions of her dying & leave that idea unsolved, but I’m dying to know if you can tell us anything about how much Clary and Jace will be in QoAD or if you’ll go into detail a little about her visions. I would love to know anything you can spill about this idea in general because I don’t know if I could stand Clary dying outside of her main book series!

There’s not too much I can tell you aside from the fact that the visions will be addressed again and you’ll find out what happens to Clary in QuAD. It’s true TMI is over, but there are climactic huge battles to come in the Shadowhunter world, so the TMI characters will never truly be totally out of potential danger until all the books are over …

ronaanpynch said:Hi Cassie! :) I finished LoS two days ago and I LOVED IT! Also I was surprised that you mentioned the Rome Institute! Now I have a question: the Herondale we see in the memory held in the aletheia crystal was Tobias and William Herondale’s father? 

That Herondale was indeed Tobias and William’s father. The scene from the aletheia crystal illustrates how he was not a particularly compassionate person, even when his children were small. (William and Tobias would have been about four and two years old at the time.)

animalcr0ssings said:Hello! At this point do you know how many deaths there are going to be in QoAaD? 

Yes,  but this time around I’m not going to name a number. :)

I have a story for everyone.

My Mom is a mutant.

To be specific, she has a disorder called Factor V Laiden Thrombophilia (same as me *waves*), a genetic mutation that causes abnormal clotting of the blood. When treated appropriately (I can never take birth control, I’ll develop complications if I ever get pregnant if I’m not careful, and in situations such as long flights I have to make sure to move around as often as possible), it’s manageable.

There’s always a very real sense of danger, however. See, blood clots can form anywhere in the body, and *move* anywhere if not caught quickly enough. If it moves to the heart or the brain, you’re screwed, plain and simple. Even if it doesn’t, and it just stays in your leg and eventually goes away, for example, it leaves damage that is often irreparable.

Fifteen years ago, when my Mom was pregnant with my youngest sister and what would have been her twin, she developed a bloodclot in her left leg. It was late enough in her term that attempting to get rid of it would have meant terminating the pregnancy, and my Mom, after asking if she would die from it and being told no, decided to not go through with the procedure. She lost one of the twins, gave birth to my baby sister, and ever since then has lived with a disability that puts her in constant pain.

The first time I saw her with her bad leg, it was when I was six-years-old. She came home with my little sister–I had to hold her since my Mom needed crutches to get around. She screamed the entire time she walked down the hallway to her room. It hurt her that badly. I’ve never felt more helpless in my entire life. The sound of her crying like that has never ever left me.

The best way to describe the physical atttributes of her leg would be like taking a hot knife and stripping off all the skin of your lower leg. Among the symptoms she’s had for over a decade include: swelling to the point that she’s torn pants, weeping–which means the wound on her leg that never goes away because of the poor bloodflow leaks fluid–to the point that she has to wrap a towel around it, bleeding, the skin cracking and falling off on a regular basis, a higher chance of getting infections (in the past four years, she’s had two staph infections, one of which resulted in an emergency room visit), and the almost complete assurance that in the next ten years, she’ll be completely wheelchair bound.

She raised me and my three other siblings on her own with that disability after my Dad left and our extended family stopped giving a shit about us, and as often as she frustrates me, I want to be able to help her. She has done *so* much for me, and seeing her in pain every single day, having her crying in bed because she thinks nobody will ever love her again because of her bad leg, seeing her cycle through seasons of depression only to fight back with everything she has, seeing the look of hope when she finds something that might fix her leg only to learn that it’s too expensive to get the treatment, kills me. Knowing that it’ll only get worse without proper help hurts more than I can properly articulate. She isn’t the perfect mother, not by a long shot, but I love her and I want to be able to help.

The thing with her leg nowadays is that the bloodclot is gone. It has been for about a decade. It’s the damage it did to the veins that remains. We have yet to encounter a doctor willing to attempt surgery to replace the damaged vein, and everything else has been more for dealing with it than actively trying to find a solution.

We have found one possible one, however. An oxygen treatment that has been proven to help restore bloodflow. The problem is, the treatment is expensive and considered experimental, so it isn’t covered by our insurance.

You’re probably wondering where I’m trying to get at with all of this. It’s simple. One treatment costs 150 dollars, and my Mom would need to do about eight of those in the span of a few months to see any actual improvement. I want to change that. I want to be able to go up to her, tell her, “I’ll handle paying for the oxygen treatments to fix your leg.” I want to be able to see some hope on her face again, instead of the near-constant acceptance that she can’t change it no matter how hard she wants to.

I’m still just that six-year-old kid that wants to help her Mom. The only difference is, I’m not helpless anymore.

On my Patreon, I make a grandiose show of how I want it to help launch my career as a professional writer, which is true, but nestled deep in those descriptions is one throwaway line about helping to pay for medical bills. I didn’t delve deeper into how on there, since as this post shows it gets rather long-winded, but of the many medical bills that comes with this family, the need for my Mom to get this treatment is starting to creep higher and higher. She’s already showing signs of being unable to walk, and her leg is slowly but surely getting worse. Her doctors have even started talking about possible amputation if there isn’t any improvement.

In short, I’m asking you guys for help, because I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to see my Mom in pain anymore. I know how to help her, but since losing about $500 worth of income last month, my paychecks go towards the bills and such that we already have. I haven’t been able to save like I used to, and the longer we wait the less likely we’ll be able to fix anything.

I need your help, guys. My Mom needs your help. I know this is a longshot. I know I’m not popular, I’m not beloved in a way that warrants having money thrown at me for no good reason, my creations are still fledgling, I know there are people out there that have it so much worse, but I’m still taking this chance. I’m coming with my nose pressed to the ground before you in supplication, and asking from the bottom of my heart: please, help my family.

Whether this story warrants that is beyond me, but stories are all I have.

If you can offer anything, thank you. If all you can do is read this, thank you. There isn’t any guilt here. It’s simply a story and a question from someone with nowhere else to turn. Those don’t always need responses.

Welp. We went to see Wonder Woman. I cried during the sad parts and some of the other parts. They were the same kind of tears I had on and off through Ghostbusters. Movies with strong women who are fully realized people who are allowed to be sexual but are not sexualized and can also kick ass just make me cry randomly. Though TBH I also cry in LotR when anyone picks up their sword and runs into battle screaming the name of their home. I didn’t even realize how ravenous I was for a female version of that.

[LYRICS] (ENG TRANS) Outro: Her

the world is a complex
we was lookin’ for love
I too used to be that kind of person too
I didn’t believe what real love is
I used to say habitually that I want to love

but I found myself
the whole new myself
I’m confused too, which one is really me
I met you and did I realise that I’m a book
or did you turn the page
anyway I want to be the best man for you
it’s probably natural because you are my world itself
I would become what you want, God I swore to myself

so many complex
but I’m lookin’ for love
I can be a fake self as long as you embrace me
you are my beginning and the end itself
will you finish me

all of my wonder
the answer to that
I call you her, her
cuz you’re my tear, tear
all of my wonder
the answer to that
I call you her, her
cuz you’re my tear, tear

maybe you are my truth and the lie
maybe I’m your love and hate
maybe I’m your enemy and friend
you’re heaven and hell, sometimes pride and suffering
I can never take off this mask
because, within this mask, I am not the guy that you know
again today, I make up to wake up
and dress up to mask on
so that I can become the me that you love
so that I can become the guy that you love
I quit XX which i used to enjoy very much
just for you
even the clothes I hate and too much makeup
your laughter and happiness decide my own happiness
do I deserve to be loved by you when I’m this way
I always try my best to be the best for you
I hope that you don’t know this side of me

all of my wonder
the answer to that
I call you her, her
cuz you’re my tear, tear
all of my wonder
the answer to that
i call you her, her
cuz you’re my tear, tear

like always, mask on
greeting me with joy, her
your star, it shines for no particular reason
the moment it’s supposed to shine the brightest, I take the mask off
lost star I put down my baggage and enjoy the darkness
there’s no spotlight that’s shining me to death aye
just see where the heart goes
where the feeling goes, where it doesn’t grab me
tick tock the dark is over

so that I can be your best again
I hold on to myself
love makes a person go crazy
yeah the determination of a madman
I substitute myself into the method that’s most like myself
I give you the solution I came to for you, my everything

you love it
I do my best because of it
because of your presence, the night finds new meaning and shines bright
I know now that when even when the darkness ends
you are my morning
you woke me up

all of my wonder
the answer to that
I call you her, her
cuz you’re my tear, tear
all of my wonder
the answer to that
I call you her, her
cuz you’re my tear, tear

trans by Kai @ bangtan tumblr do not take out or repost without permission.