because i still feel it a lot!!!!!!!!!!

Literally every time I hear someone say that bullying is a form of abuse I feel this sense of relief wash over me. Like, validation. This person won’t think I’m being silly or it wasn’t that bad or I need to toughen up. It was actually a tumblr post that helped me admit I’ve been abused. Like, I’ve had a mental health professional confirm to me that it counts as abuse. The NSPCC lists it as a form of child abuse. The things I’ve been through fit with descriptions of abuse. But when you say that word, bullying, you never know what people will think it means. Because it’s used to mean such a wide range of things.

I wish we used the term peer abuse more. Because bullying is like, taken seriously one minute and made into a joke the next. And you’re not expected to still be profoundly affected by childhood bullying as an adult. School isn’t supposed to be traumatic. I feel ashamed because there’s this air around the topic like, it’s just kids playing games. It wasn’t even always just the kids, but it’s like I’ve internalised that attitude that I am the joke. I am a living joke and if I expect to be treated as a person, that’s even funnier.

And I see that on this website a lot too and it puts me on guard, because with some people it won’t matter if I’m sincere and reasonable and polite, they’ll figure out a way to make that a joke because all they want to do is laugh at others. And I mean some people I know rationally wouldn’t do that, but it still feels like there’s always a chance. That’s what it’s like constantly in my head. Say and do all the right things, say please and thank you and did you apologise enough times for existing? One wrong move and you could become a living joke again!

EPISODE 3

(A/N: It’s fucking 4AM and I’m so fucking tired so this turned out shittier than the others. Oh well. 🤷🏽‍♀️)

~

I stretched under Jason’s blanket, yawning as I turned over to lie on my stomach. With my eyes still closed, I reached over to Jason’s side, expecting to feel his naked chest but I was greeted with an empty bed.

I opened my eyes and pouted, he must've gotten up early again. He did say ever since he and I started dating he’s been sleeping a lot better now, even waking up earlier than usual.

I swung the blanket off of my naked body and crawled out of Jason’s bed. I couldn't find my clothes because of course, Jason ripped them off last night, so I dug into his drawer and took out one of my spare panties he kept in there, and one of his shirts and boxers, bringing them with me to his bathroom.

After taking a shower, washing my long black hair, and taking care of…an extremely unwanted problem, I made my way downstairs to look for the guys. I found them all huddling around something on the kitchen island, “Goodmorning!” I greeted them cheerfully.

They all turned their heads to me, all of them looking like they just have been caught doing something they shouldn't be doing. I narrowed my eyes, “What are you all doing?”

“N-Nothing!” Jason stammered, “Close her damn laptop!” He hissed under his breath when he looked at Drake.

I pushed Grayson and Damian aside. Before Drake closed my laptop, I gasped, “You hacked into my Tumblr!?”

“Uh….no?” Drake laughed sheepishly. 

I growled. I was just about to pounce and smack him over the head but Jason picked me up and carried me over his shoulder, “Hey!” I punched his back repeatedly, “Why are you doing this?! Put me down you imbecile!”

I gasped when he smacked my ass, “No can do, princess! Answer the anon hate Tim!”

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me! Are you guys for real!?” I snarled. The things they do just to fucking answer these dumb messages!

I started kicking Jason’s stomach and punching his back, “Unhand me, Jason!”

“Hurry, damn it!” Jason growled at Drake, locking an arm around my legs.

“But I want to answer this fool!” I heard Damian snapped.

“No, Damian,” Grayson said, “Tim won rock, paper, scissors, he gets to answer.”

“Tt, that game was idiotic anyway, of course he won.”

When Jason let my legs go for a split second, I swung one leg around his neck. He yelped when I broke free from his grip on my hip, maneuvering myself quickly to sit on his shoulders and jump off, pushing his back with my foot.

“Oof! How the fuck did you do that?!” He growled, turning back to me.

“I was raised by the League of Assassins, babe.” I winked. I dove under his arm when he tried to grab me again and pushed Drake to the side, stopping his furious typing, “Hey! I was typing!” He protested.

When I quickly read over the anon hate, I just had to burst out laughing, “Oh my gosh! You guys got mad over this?!” 

Grayson crossed his arms, “Uh, duh!” 

Jason growled. I pinched his arms when he tried to pull me back from my laptop, “It’s just a simple, “I hope you fall off a cliff” type of anon, it’s not that bad.” I shrugged.

Damian smacked his forehead, “Sister, you are one strange human being, I swear.” He grumbled.

I rolled my eyes, “It’s not my fault they have nothing else to say instead of, “Oh, fall off a cliff” or “Oh, I hope you die, kill yourself” it’s the same thing over and over again. This is getting quite boring.” I sighed sadly. They really don’t know what to do with their dumb sad lives, huh?

This is probably the same anon from, I don’t know, last week? Nah, the one from last week actually tried. This one though, my gosh, how dull. The “No Charge” is amusing, though! B- for effort!

“Are you going to answer this time?” Drake asked, voice sounding defeated “Because what I wrote could really stop these 10 year olds from bothering you again.”

I read his response. Jesus, Drake sure does have some explicit words in here, “Drake, this is terrible, even if it’s for a 10 year old.” I said, deleting everything he wrote.

Damian huffed, “Tt! You see, Drake, I could’ve done a better job than you.”

Grayson chuckled, “Dami, you would’ve said worse things than Tim.”

I laughed too and patted Damian’s head, “Grayson’s right, I’m never going to let you respond to any of my anon hate.” I grinned.

“And why not!?” 

“Because you’ll make the anons want to kill themselves instead.” Jason muttered. Oh my dear God, he’s damn right. Next time I get an anon hate I have to hide my electronics from Damian. The anon hate is fun but I don’t want them killing themselves. It’s wrong wishing death on a person you don’t know. 

Grayson sighed and patted Drake and Damian’s shoulders, “Come on you two, it was worth the try.” 

BONUS:

Drake and Damian grumbled as Grayson led them out of the kitchen. I sighed and rested my head on Jason’s chest. He rubbed my back and kissed my forehead, “Still tired?”

I wrapped my arms around his waist,“Mhm, I missed you this morning, too.” 

I squealed when he slid a hand under the boxers and panties I was wearing, squeezing my ass, “Do you want to continue what we were doing last night?” He asked seductively.

“I would love to but,” I pulled back from his chest and took his hand out of my panties, giving him a sheepish smile, “I started my period.”

His jaw hit the floor, “Now!? When I’m feeling extra horny this morning!?”

I looked down at his tented pants and chuckled, “Yup,” I nodded, “No sex for a week.” 

Jason groaned, sliding his hands down his face in despair. I raised an eyebrow when his face lit up. He smirked, “You could still take care of this for me.” He gestured to his pants.

I rolled my eyes, “Nah.”

Jason’s face dropped, “Babe, please.” 

I shook my head. There’s no way I’m giving without getting something in return, “Nope.”

Fine!” He growled. I asked where he was going when he walked out of the kitchen.

“To fucking jerk off!” He called back.

anonymous asked:

How do you feel about the Moffat quote, “We’re in pronoun hell now. Let’s repeal gender pronouns, because we’re going to be unable to talk" from San Diego comiccon. A lot of people are saying it's rude and/or transphobic, but I don't really know the context so I don't know how I feel about it.

I mean, I think he’s got a point. Gendered pronouns are an idiotic idea. What on earth do we need them for? The more we let limiting categories of gender roles fill our language, the harder it is to break from concepts like the gender binary. And we’re still at a stage where people are only just establishing new language for a broader spectrum of identity.

I don’t think it was a comment aimed at people engaged in trans issues, developing new pronouns for new gender identities and such. It was in a point where he was discussing the new Doctor, who he thinks is a marvelous casting choice, and someone was tripping up over the he/she thing. Honestly, I doubt he’s even in on the conversation of new pronouns for further gender identities, he didn’t seem to realize the option “they” to refer to the Doctor. Someone sitting near me even shouted it in frustration. I don’t think he’s familiar with that, let alone something like, I dunno, xe, so I hardly think it’s intended as a jab at trans/nonbinary people, if anything it’s a jab at how illogical cis social constructs are. I think it’s him realizing the whole notion of using masculine and feminine versions of words is an absurd way of imposing the gender binary but not being really familiar with how the latest waves of discussion are engaging with that. Unfortunately, a lot of people just don’t get that kind of education about where things are going now. The outside world is far less engaged than Tumblr.

anonymous asked:

I feel like a lot of recent Jason fanon and fics are falling into the same trap that the Tim stuff has which is casting him as a woobie and everyone else as terrible. Yeah it has more canon basis but I don't get the appeal of going poor you over and over again.

I’ll start out by saying I lack some context because I personally haven’t seen what you’ve encountered. The fic I read is minimal and I don’t delve into the tags on tumblr. 

One thing that is important to understand about Jason Todd is that he has legitimate reasons in canon to be deeply traumatized, from his childhood to his death to the things that happened post-resurrection. And /none/ of it was given the respect and coverage it deserves in canon. While fanon woobifies Tim for being neglected as a child (sucks but not the worst ever), being neglected by Batman (not true and without any canon basis), being fired as Robin (which was framed very much as Dick considering Tim more of an equal than a sidekick), or being dismissed as crazy on his hunt for Bruce (and lbr, Tim was acting pretty emotional and crazy)… canon and fanon still struggle with victim-blaming Jason.

Hurt/Comfort is a genre and characters have trauma that fans like to explore, so things like that will always exist. There’s a bit of a difference between that and woobification, especially when what gets turned into it is trauma that’s glossed over or outright mocked by the canon. 

I agree that sometimes writing can go overboard in woobifying Jason, but the fact is that he does have some legitimate shit to be upset about and I really hesitate to dismiss that the way people have done in the past. 

Also, I find that fic in general can sometimes tend towards melodrama, particularly with new writers, which can add to this impression (for Tim as well, but the sheer prevalence of woobification for Tim has gone beyond just writers still learning their craft). 

I wonder if Corvo’s silence in dh1 was criticised a lot while Daud’s monologues were praised and well-received, because I still wish they didn’t follow that direction and scrapped those “monologue over slightly animated pictures” bits from Dh2.

If I could sort of accept the endless talking and self-reflection as a part of Daud’s personality, given his love to record himself on the audiograph, these bits feel really out of place in dh2. They ruin the subtlety and immersion so much I skip them all the time. I don’t understand what are these monologues supposed to be, who are they addressed to, since neither Emily or Corvo seem to keep any audio logs and don’t strike me as people who desperately want their thoughts to be heard by anyone.

The diary they write on the Dreadful Wale, at least, does include some of their current thoughts, so the monologues either duplicate the diary logs or simply repeat the information we already know.

I totally understand that you can’t really say “yeah Dh2 won’t make much sense to you if you didn’t play Dh1” without sounding like an asshole who tries to sell two products at once, but saying “yeah you can dive into the sequel with no problem” isn’t entirely honest either. So on one hand, you end up with characters you have no emotional bond with, and on the other hand, it still forced a bunch of cutscenes on you, trying to recap the events of the first game to you, or delivering the information you can already find elsewhere in a more easily digestible manner.

I know what happened to Emily 15 years ago, I played the game. I know Corvo travelled to Dunwall from Karnaca and that Jessamine and him were lovers. The very first books you find in the game will tell you the exact same information. You don’t need to have everything explained out of fear that someone will miss it.

Hey guys, I’m sorry for my absence this past week. I wasn’t feeling very well and struggling a little with using behaviors but I’m trying really hard to get back on track. Other that things have been quite good. I still have moments when all I want is go back to my eating disorder because I get overwhelmed by how much bigger my life has become lately but I’m slowly getting better at fighting the thoughts. Also I’m baking banana chocolate chip muffins and I can’t wait to try one, which I think says quite a lot about how much progress I’ve made (I can enjoy food now!)

peacefulboo  asked:

8, 11, 12

8. Other than Gilmore, Allura, Kima or Victor, who is your favorite NPC?

I talked about the Sun Tree here, but I’ll pick another!

Cassandra de Rolo is such a wonderfully complicated character. Teenaged ruler of a city, one of the few survivors of a particularly angsty backstory, spent years torn between the arcane and mundane influences of rebellions and tyrants, and now works daily with people she feels she betrayed… and some who know she betrayed them. A lot of the in-universe reaction to Cass is very interesting, I think, because her struggle feels emotionally distant in a way that, for instance, Kynan’s did not. It’s not so much a lack of sympathy as it is a kind of repressed way of expressing that sympathy. For all that Kynan eventually found his place, Cassandra still seems very, very alone.

11. Do you ship any characters?

You know, I hear there’s a code for free shipping that can’t be beat, and that code is critrole. That’s right, CRITrole. Critrole.

12. Name a moment that’s stuck with you.

More answers here and here!

Vex rolling a natural one on her flying-broom target practice (involving whole chickens thrown into the air at the breakfast table) and accidentally shooting Scanlan in the throat. Any time the entire cast is laughing too hard to talk is always a good time.

I slept for about 2 hours? Due to emotional issues and jaw pain that was not gained because I had a cock stuck in my mouth, sadly. Grinding my teeth roughly caused a lot of issues.

I’m sorry I’m still feeling depressed I know I’m not enjoyable like this that I’m not fun or good to be around. I am sorry.

I am going to try to take another nap then out this emotional trauma to something more productive. Some writing that maybe someone might enjoy.

Sorry if I don’t chat much today I feel like I’m not up to par to help people today with writing or any other random thing I try to help people with. Some days I need the help okay?

im still feeling in awe of the film i saw yesterday. you should def watch koe no katachi because its gorgeous. the manga its adapted from used to mean a lot to me years ago but the film was honestly on another level

A commission @alpacamaca drew for me. 

I’ve been challenging her to draw some of the RWBY girls as giantesses. Why? Because I feel as though it’s a fun little thing to help her practice. Plus, I like the idea. So, here’s the finish product of what’s been somewhat teased over the passed week and a half or so. 

I still like her art style a lot. 

squidpond  asked:

T-E-R-U 8^)

pfft, good one

T- time you woke up?
I woke up at 6:30 this morning but didn’t get up until 7:00 because my bed was really warm and comfortable :’D

E- easiest person to talk to?
My younger brother I think, we are pretty close still and we talk about a lot of things when we get together. Though in some cases there are certain things I say much more freely on the internet because it isn’t as connected to my real life.

R- reason to smile?
I’ve answered this one once, but another reason to smile is to make another person feel better. I think that is a good thing to do.

U- 3 biggest wishes?

  • To be able to travel
  • To have a home to come back to
  • To have a reason to come back home

pinklover14 replied to your photoset “Danny. Danny no. I love you with all of my heart, but no. Yes, Sam…”

yes! I thought I was the only one that notice that it was Danny’s fault! Also, the fandom seems to forget that quiet a lot

I’ve been planning this post since I watched Attack of the Killer Garage Sale. It’s why the subtitles are smaller, because I used to make them smaller before I realized they were kinda hard to read.

There are so many people who are really quick to vilify Sam for every little thing, but a lot of the complaints about her are just…straight up false?

I don’t feel like Danny’s the type to pin the blame on Sam like that, so I blame bad writing more than him, but it’s still important to acknowledge that Sam did nothing wrong in that episode.

anonymous asked:

Adorable 404 ? I followed your tips but I didnt take any pill T_T so after 3 hours I started to feel a little bit sick and I started to tremble because Im afraid of .... you know Now im better but i still feel a little dizzy Do you think Ill get sick again on my way back home ?

Aw, I’m sorry to hear that you still felt sick! 

It’s quite possible you’ll feel the same way on the way back… but hopefully you’ll tire yourself out and fall asleep? Like I said before, sleeping is usually a huge help for me (and a few others I know get car sick) 

Do you get to choose where you sit? Because for some reason a lot of the time sitting up front and being able to /see/ where you’re going helps some people?

I’m so sorry I’m not much of a help here ^^;; But I do hope your travel back is better than the travel there!!! ~Admin 404

anonymous asked:

I guess I really was mean about the supercorps, hell, I'm a lesbian too and I had hoped the ship would be endgame one day, I just didn't get so offended I guess, and I just rly like Melissa, I had to unfollow a lot of blogs because some people are being very very toxic, and like I said, people do bad and good things, one bad thing shouldn't make everyone hate her, I hate feeling guilty for still liking her

Don’t feel guilty for liking her. People fuck up, it doesn’t mean she’s a bad person - just that she handled this particular issue pretty badly. It’s also likely she’s not allowed to handle it herself - her agent and CW’s PR people will be telling her how to handle it. 

*whispers softly* I am a slow rper and it takes a lot for me to sit down and do replies because I refuse to force myself into drafts when I don’t feel it or am nervous of my writing, and when I do reply I promise you it’s to the best of my abilities. I’m not always online, especially with time zones so I do miss a lot of starter calls and memes. I love shipping too so please understand I have a lot of things irl I have to sort out too, and I can’t always get to things quickly. I haven’t fallen out with anything, I still love all my rp partners n shipping partners, and I adore all my threads. It’s why I want to write my responses well, cause each one deserves it so much. Any who this is just a psa while I’m having a drink, cause I won’t say it otherwise

All of them had years that impacted them more than the others. Years that probably couldn’t be totally erased, that haunted their dreams, that showed up in a need to protect people, a fear of caring for those around you, an obsession with making sure everyone is telling the truth.

But part of Lucretia is still stuck in that year she spent alone. Part of her still feels that panic and responsibility, that if she doesn’t make the right decisions and hold fast in them, everyone will die.

Part of her is still waiting for the moment where she can say I made it and mean it.

Turn to her family and say We fucking made it.

It wasn’t supposed to take this long.

She was the only one who was supposed to get hurt.

She was supposed to chronicle their journey, instead she destroyed every trace.

She lost her family and in doing so lost herself as well, and there’s no time to find herself, not now, it’s too late for that.

(lost so much of that, too, and she feels each year in her bones)

Now, all Lucretia can think about is I have to save them all.

Some part of here will always be on that ship, staring into space, waiting for her friends to reappear.

We have to make it.

We have to.

On Art Theft

For the record, using my artwork/characters is NOT something I’m okay with, and NOT something I’ve ever given permission for anyone to do.

If you come across someone using my art or characters on another site, please tell me and preferably link to any accounts so that I can contact or report them.

My characters are very important to me and it’s very upsetting to know people are using my work without giving any thought to how I might feel about it. It’s disrespectful. 

Just because I don’t post as often on this blog as I did a few years ago does not make it a free-for-all for people to plunder for their own uses. I’m still here and I still care a lot about this stuff!