because i like to make myself cry

Crying

Crying is something that lots of people, including me, prevent themselves from doing because they think it will make you seem weaker or it’s unnecessary. 

There is nothing weak that I know of about letting yourself cry. Crying is a way of expressing emotions that are too complicated or scary to put into words. It allows you to just be sad for a little bit and that’s not a bad thing most of the time.

I don’t let myself cry because I feel like I would have to explain myself to the people around me. Crying feels like misbehaving and having to find an excuse for it. It’s natural to be worried for someone you care about if they’re crying but in trying to make the problem better, sometimes it can be made worse.

Now I don’t want to say you should stop comforting people that are really sad, just don’t quiz them about it. If I could cry without having to explain why then I would be much happier ironically. When I cry, I’d love to just be hugged by someone and let myself be sad so I can be happy again eventually.

This would only be occasionally though. If you do cry a lot then it might be best to confide in someone you trust as it’s more likely to be something you just need to let out to another person.

After saying all this, I still can’t find it in myself. However, if you feel the same way I do, feel free to use this to explain to your friends/family why it might be best to just let you be sad once in a while :)

I don’t want to fall in love anymore, I feel like I’m constantly repeating myself; telling people my favourite songs, showing them my favourite movies and TV shows, my favourite colour, places I like to visit, just everything. And I’m tired of repeating myself, I don’t have the energy anymore. I want someone who already knows that a particular song is my favourite because it makes me cry happy tears, I want someone who knows that this movie is my favourite, because one of my earliest memories was watching it as a kid, when we were still a family. I don’t want to give people parts of me only for them to become a stranger again, It’s not fair. I’m tired
—  blue-eyes-xo 

anonymous asked:

Hi Alice, odd question but: Do you believe asexuals belong in the LGBT community? I have a friend who identifies this way, but as a trans girl, I'm struggling to understand how she has to go through the same things as an LGBT person by being asexual. And struggle aside, I don't even see how asexuality is THAT different from heterosexuality, just with more... hesitation!? Maybe this sounds rude, but I know you've written about asexual people etc, and I wondered what you thought. No shade intended

Hi there. I’m glad you reached out to me about this because you must have really upset your friend by saying stuff like this to them.

It’s easy to see why not only cishet people, but also LGBT+ people, think that asexuality is fake. The world is awash with sex and sexual attraction. It’s everywhere. And everyone is supposed to want it and feel it. It’s so extremely normalised that the idea that someone could be literally UNABLE to feel sexual attraction is, to many people, absolutely bizarre and a joke.

Even if you acknowledge that asexuality is real, it’s also easy to see why you would be so quick to reject and get angry at asexual people who call themselves LGBT+. Because asexual people are not like you, are they. Unless they are trans, asexuals don’t have gender troubles, and unless they experience same-gender romantic attraction, asexuals don’t experience same-gender attraction! Lesbian, bi, gay etc people can all be joined together in their experience of same gender attraction, and all trans folks, binary and non binary, can be joined together in their experience of feeing a disconnect from their assigned birth gender.

The result? No one wants asexuals near them. People can’t relate. No one else feels the way asexuals do and people don’t think they should be part of the group. They’re not the same as you.

But oh god, they are not allowed in the cishet club either.

The first thing you need to try and unlearn is that asexuality is in any way similar to heterosexuality. It’s not. It’s so, so fucking not. It’s painful how different it feels to be asexual compared to being heterosexual. Telling an ace person that asexuality isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’ is about as accurate as saying being gay isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’. Being asexual means you do not experience sexual attraction, ever. EVER. And while that might seem easy to you, it’s an extremely painful and terrifying thing to learn about yourself, in a world where everyone is expected to have an array of sexual experiences, fall in love, get married, and anyone who doesn’t do that is strange and a freak.

Learning you are asexual can be terrifying. When you realise you’ve never had a crush, when all your friends have had ten each, you are terrified. When you pass the age where people have started dating and having sex and you still feel nothing - NOTHING - you are terrified. When you think about ever falling in love and the idea disgusts you, or you think about falling in love and you crave it, god you CRAVE it, but you know you can’t ever feel that, you are terrified. When you realise you will never be able to enjoy a normal romantic/sexual relationship, the ones full of passion like you see in the movies, and people will reject you because you can’t fancy them in that way, and there’s a higher chance for you than anyone else that you will simply die alone, without love, without children - you are terrified.

You think being ace is the same as heterosexuality? You think it’s an easy thing to learn about yourself? Explain the terror, then. I’m all ears.

The fact you see asexuality as 'hesitation’ is really horrifying to me. Asexuals aren’t attracted to the opposite gender but 'hesitant’ to act on it. Asexuals DO NOT feel attraction. To anyone. It’s not a choice. It’s not a way of life. It’s not the same as celibacy out of choice, or being a 'prude’, or waiting till marriage. It is ingrained in you, just like being gay is, just like being trans is. It is a part of you that no matter how hard you try to will it away, no matter how hard you try to persuade yourself otherwise, you cannot help it. You DO NOT feel attracted to ANYONE.

And in saying all this, I fully acknowledge that asexuals do not experience the extent of oppression that other LGBT+ folks do. There are no laws regarding asexuality. Lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and other LGBT+ folks no doubt experience a higher level and intensity of systematic oppression to asexuals, more frequently go through hard experiences due to their orientation or gender. But since when did being LGBT+ become a competition for 'who’s the most oppressed’? Is that what LGBT+ is? You’re only allowed in the club if you’re 'oppressed enough’? If you’re 'gay enough’? If you’re 'trans enough’?

If you need persuading that asexuals do experience their own form of oppression, though, consider the number of asexuals who are coerced into sex in order to 'fix’ them. Consider the emotional pain that I have already discussed, of feeling that there is something fundamentally wrong and gross about you because you feel attracted to no one. Consider the number of asexuals who are hounded or emotionally abused by their families for failing to find partners. Consider the number of asexuals who force themselves to have sexual experiences, because it is the norm, because they don’t even know what asexuality is, because THEY think that they are just 'hesitant’, despite finding sex disgusting and feeling no desire to do it. Do you really think asexuals are just running around, free and happy and content in who they are? They aren’t. I’m not.

So go ahead. Cast aside asexuals if you want. Call them attention-seeking, call them special snowflakes. Ignore the pain they feel. Make them go through it alone, in pain, terrified of what they are. Why on earth would the LGBT+ community be a place to support people like that!?

Messages like the one you have just sent me gives me further reason to never talk about that part of myself. To just sit and cry about it at home day after day because I do not like myself. Because I feel that nobody will accept me or understand who I am. I could list the number of things people have said to me to discredit and laugh at this part of myself, but it’s people like you who make me embarrassed to talk about it, too scared to own a label and talk about it freely and openly.

I thought, going into this, that the LGBT+ community was one of total respect, understanding, and empathy. I learnt pretty quickly that it is not.

I send love to your asexual friend. I really, really do.

Disclaimer: I am very aware of the nuances of asexuality, of the differences between romantic/aesthetic/sexual attraction, but sadly it seems that many people can’t even grasp the basic concept of asexuality, so I don’t quite think they’re ready for that yet.

you know what makes me mad? the death of my precious son, remus john lupin, was entirely unnecessary. like jkr claims it was to emphasize the “orphans of war” with teddy, but that point doesn’t need to be emphasized because the entire series was about an orphan of a war. and yes, there are orphans of every war, but that point is just as easily made by simply saying something like “harry saw one of his classmates knelt down next to the body of their mom/dad”. and yes, his death is also meant to break off the last tie harry had with his parents bUT YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT. but what makes me the most angry isn’t the fact that he died. it’s the fact that he wasn’t even given a good death scene: a death scene that is heart wrenching and makes the reader cry for an extended amount of time. like trust me, i wanted to cry over his death, i really did, because if one person deserves my tears, it is remus john lupin, but i couldn’t bring myself to cry over one measly line that simply says something along the lines of “lupin and tonks were laying there among the others who had died”. and then we don’t even get harry’s emotions, like we do with sirius’s death, to make it really hit home. it’s unjust.

all im saying is that if remus john lupin had to die, he deserved a good death scene that makes us sob and makes our heart breaks not only for the loss of one of our favorite characters but also for harry for losing yet another person who is so important to him, and we get neither of those.

Writing Problems
  • *types a word and then sees that it has the notorious red squiggly line* you wanna fight Google Docs I know I spelled that shit right"
  •  *types a word and it turns out it is not an actual word* WELL THAT SHOULD BE A WORD"
  • “I wrote the word ‘said’ in my work 124 times FUCK”
  • *makes inhumane screeching noise when someone interrupts my typing midsentence*
  • The blinking cursor of a blank word document
  • *spills beverage on notes*
  • *cat sits on laptop*
  • 'I’m in the middle of writing a good chapter and my laptop is about to die and the charger is on the other side of the room, why is my suffering so real’
  • *stares off into space for upwards of five minutes*
  • 'Am I characterizing a character so well because I know the character or am I writing them as I would write myself’
  • A WILD WRITER’S BLOCK APPEARED
  • “lol who needs sustenance when I’m IN THE  Z O N E
  • Feeling like you will never be able to write well again
  • Feeling relief when you get inspired and write like crazy
  • That feeling of inspiration that makes you shiver and makes your nerves buzz
  • oneshot? more like 'oh-shit-this-morphed-into-a-thirty-chapter-novel'shot
  • *more staring into space*
  • lol what’s dialogue
  • having to pee but can’t because I’m IN THE  Z O N E
  • being IN THE  Z O N E
  • Being OUT OF THE  Z O N E and crying about it
  • comparing myself to other writers (never do OK)
  • switching POV accidentally
  • BLANK WORD DOCUMENT
  • Tenses
  • *stares more intensely into space*
  • *computer starts whirring like crazy* babe I know this writing’s fire but you need to calm down
  • *looks into empty beverage mug* why
  • *sees a cliché* *cringes*
  • will the reader understand what I’m saying here lol I hope so
  • sleep? what’s that lol
  • *thinks about writing while at social events*
  • *gets inspired to write at the most inconvenient of times, such as at the dentist’s or in the shower*
  • *gets zero inspiration when actually has time to write*
  • WRITER’S BLOCK
  • B L A N K  W O R D  D O C U M E N T
  • *stares into space forevermore*
Internal Conflict:  Five Conflicting Traits of a Likable Hero.

1.  Flaws and Virtues 

I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but characters without flaws are boring.  This does not, as many unfortunate souls take it to mean, imply that good, kind, or benevolent characters are boring:  it just means that without any weaknesses for you to poke at, they tend to be bland-faced wish fulfillment on the part of the author, with a tendency to just sit there without contributing much to the plot.

For any character to be successful, they need to have a proportionate amount of flaws and virtues.

Let’s take a look at Stranger Things, for example, which is practically a smorgasbord of flawed, lovable sweethearts.

We have Joyce Byers, who is strung out and unstable, yet tirelessly works to save her son, even when all conventional logic says he’s dead;  We have Officer Hopper, who is drunken and occasionally callous, yet ultimately is responsible for saving the boy’s life;  We have Jonathan, who is introspective and loving, but occasionally a bit of a creeper, and Nancy, who is outwardly shallow but proves herself to be a strong and determined character.  Even Steve, who would conventionally be the popular jerk who gets his comeuppance, isn’t beyond redemption.

And of course, we have my beloved Eleven, who’s possibly the closest thing Stranger Things has to a “quintessential” heroine.  She’s the show’s most powerful character, as well as one of the most courageous.  However, she is also the show’s largest source of conflict, as it was her powers that released the Demogorgon to begin with.  

Would Eleven be a better character if this had never happened?  Would Stranger Things be a better show?  No, because if this had never happened, Stranger Things wouldn’t even be a show.  Or if it was, it would just be about a bunch of cute kids sitting around and playing Dungeons and Dragons in a relatively peaceful town.

A character’s flaws and mistakes are intended to drive the plotline, and if they didn’t have them, there probably wouldn’t even be a plot.

So don’t be a mouth-breather:  give your good, kind characters some difficult qualities, and give your villains a few sympathetic ones.  Your work will thank you for it.

2.  Charisma and Vulnerability

Supernatural has its flaws, but likable leads are not one of them.  Fans will go to the grave defending their favorite character, consuming and producing more character-driven, fan-created content than most other TV shows’ followings put together.

So how do we inspire this kind of devotion with our own characters?  Well, for starters, let’s take a look at one of Supernatural’s most quintessentially well-liked characters:  Dean Winchester.

From the get-go, we see that Dean has charisma:  he’s confident, cocky, attractive, and skilled at what he does.  But these qualities could just as easily make him annoying and obnoxious if they weren’t counterbalanced with an equal dose of emotional vulnerability. 

As the show progresses, we see that Dean cares deeply about the people around him, particularly his younger brother, to the point of sacrificing himself so that he can live.  He goes through long periods of physical and psychological anguish for his benefit (though by all means, don’t feel obligated to send your main character to Hell for forty years), and the aftermath is depicted in painful detail.

Moreover, in spite of his outward bravado, we learn he doesn’t particularly like himself, doesn’t consider himself worthy of happiness or a fulfilling life, and of course, we have the Single Man Tear™.

So yeah, make your characters beautiful, cocky, sex gods.  Give them swagger.  Just, y’know.  Hurt them in equal measure.  Torture them.  Give them insecurities.  Make them cry.  

Just whatever you do, let them be openly bisexual.  Subtext is so last season.

3.  Goals For the Future and Regrets From the Past

Let’s take a look at Shadow Moon from American Gods.  (For now, I’ll have to be relegate myself to examples from the book, because I haven’t had the chance to watch the amazing looking TV show.) 

Right off the bat, we learn that Shadow has done three years in prison for a crime he may or may not have actually committed.  (We learn later that he actually did commit the crime, but that it was only in response to being wronged by the true perpetrators.)  

He’s still suffering the consequences of his actions when we meet him, and arguably, for the most of the book:  because he’s in prison, his wife has an affair (I still maintain that Laura could have resisted the temptation to be adulterous if she felt like it, but that’s not the issue here) and is killed while mid-coital with his best friend.

Shadow is haunted by this for the rest of the book, to the point at which it bothers him more than the supernatural happenings surrounding him.  

Even before that, the more we learn about Shadow’s past, the more we learn about the challenges he faced:  he was bullied as a child, considered to be “just a big, dumb guy” as an adult, and is still wrongfully pursued for crimes he was only circumstantially involved in.

But these difficulties make the reader empathize with Shadow, and care about what happens to him.  We root for Shadow as he tags along with the mysterious and alternatively peckish and charismatic Wednesday, and as he continuously pursues a means to permanently bring Laura back to life.

He has past traumas, present challenges, and at least one goal that propels him towards the future.  It also helps that he’s three-dimensional, well-written, and as of now, portrayed by an incredibly attractive actor.

Of course (SPOILER ALERT), Shadow never does succeed in fully resurrecting Laura, ultimately allowing her to rest instead, but that doesn’t make the resolution any less satisfying.  

Which leads to my next example…       

4.  Failure and Success 

You remember in Zootopia, when Judy Hopps decides she wants to be cop and her family and town immediately and unanimously endorse her efforts?  Or hey, do you remember Harry Potter’s idyllic childhood with his kindhearted, adoptive family?  Oh!  Or in the X-Files, when Agent Mulder presents overwhelming evidence of extraterrestrial life in the first episode and is immediately given a promotion?  No?

Yeah, me neither.  And there’s a reason for this:  ff your hero gets what they want the entire time, it will be a boring, two-dimensional fantasy that no one will want to read.  

A good story is not about the character getting what they want.  A good story is about the character’s efforts and their journey.  The destination they reach could be something far removed from what they originally thought they wanted, and could be no less (if not more so) satisfying because of it.

Let’s look at Toy Story 3, for example:  throughout the entire movie, Woody’s goal is to get his friends back to their longtime owner, Andy, so that they can accompany him to college.  He fails miserably.  None of his friends believe that Andy was trying to put them in the attic, insisting that his intent was to throw them away.  He is briefly separated from them as he is usurped by a cute little girl and his friends are left at a tyrannical daycare center, but with time and effort, they’re reunited, Woody is proven right, and things seem to be back on track.

Do his efforts pay off?  Yes – just not in the way he expected them to.  At the end of the movie, a college-bound Andy gives the toys away to a new owner who will play with them more than he will, and they say goodbye.  Is the payoff bittersweet?  Undoubtedly.  It made me cry like a little bitch in front of my young siblings.  But it’s also undoubtedly satisfying.      

So let your characters struggle.  Let them fail.  And let them not always get what they want, so long as they get what they need.  

5.  Loving and Being Loved by Others

Take a look back at this list, and all the characters on it:  a gaggle of small town kids and flawed adults, demon-busting underwear models, an ex-con and his dead wife, and a bunch of sentient toys.  What do they have in common?  Aside from the fact that they’re all well-loved heroes of their own stories, not much.

But one common element they all share is they all have people they care about, and in turn, have people who care about them.  

This allows readers and viewers to empathize with them possibly more than any of the other qualities I’ve listed thus far, as none of it means anything without the simple demonstration of human connection.

Let’s take a look at everyone’s favorite caped crusader, for example:  Batman in the cartoons and the comics is an easy to love character, whereas in the most recent movies (excluding the splendid Lego Batman Movie), not so much. 

Why is this?  In all adaptions, he’s the same mentally unstable, traumatized genius in a bat suit.  In all adaptions, he demonstrates all the qualities I listed before this:  he has flaws and virtues, charisma and vulnerability, regrets from the past and goals for the future, and usually proportionate amounts of failure and success.  

What makes the animated and comic book version so much more attractive than his big screen counterpart is the fact that he does one thing right that all live action adaptions is that he has connections and emotional dependencies on other people.  

He’s unabashed in caring for Alfred, Batgirl, and all the Robins, and yes, he extends compassion and sympathy to the villains as well, helping Harley Quinn to ultimately escape a toxic and abusive relationship, consoling Baby Doll, and staying with a child psychic with godlike powers until she died.

Cartoon Batman is not afraid to care about others.  He has a support network of people who care about him, and that’s his greatest strength.  The DC CU’s ever darker, grittier, and more isolated borderline sociopath is failing because he lacks these things.  

 And it’s also one of the reasons that the Lego Batman Movie remains so awesome.


God willing, I will be publishing fresh writing tips every week, so be sure to follow my blog and stay tuned for future advice and observations! 

8

                                         ‘Oh the bitten mouth, oh the kissed limbs,
                                     oh the hungering teeth, oh the entwined bodies.

so i just saw falsettos in theaters and here is everything awesome i managed to remember
  • Trina wears a small silver star of david necklace throughout the whole show
  • Whizzer has such intense anxiety during “This Had Better Come to Stop” that he is just wringing his hands like crazy, and this anxious habit follows him noticeably through the rest of his solos
  • During “March of the Falsettos”, the pit was tossing blocks up to Andrew Rannells and he screams “HIT ME” as he catches one and then goes “HIT ME TWO TIMES” as he catches another
  • After Jason’s torah portion at the makeshift hospital bar mitzvah, Whizzer grabs his shoulder, looks him in the eye, and whispers “Thank you” before walking out for the last time
  • Marvin was essentially crying throughout the entire second act including: choking up during “Days Like This”, laugh-crying during “Unlikely Lovers”, when Charlotte pulls him aside to tell him Whizzer is gonna die, trying to hold back tears during “Jason’s Bar Mitzvah”, and trying to belt through tears during “What Would I Do?” 
  • Christian Borle and Andrew Rannells do such an AMAZING job at changing their emotions on a literal dime during the chess game scene
  • The crazy raw emotion in “I Never wanted to love you” from each and every character
  • On that same note, Marvin’s FUCKING FACE after he hits Trina was so brilliant and like, immediately regretful and so full of emotion i wanna cry just thinking about it again
  • On ANOTHER note, after Whizzer answers do I love him with “No”, there’s a whole like 20 second pause before the music starts up again where everyone is just dead silent 
  • Whizzer was literally crying through the entirety of “Days Like This” as everyone kept gathering around him telling him everything was gonna be ok
  • During the first act Marvin was scary. Like his aggression in the recording does not do his character justice because it is so much more intense live
  • Every time Charlotte and Cordelia entered frame, the theater cheered obscenely loud (myself included)
  • All of Trina’s solos were brilliant and i swear to god Stephanie J. Block makes that stage her god damn bitch
  • WHIZZER IS CRYING THROUGH “You Gotta Die Sometime”. EVERY WORD. 
  • During the “Falsettoland (Reprise) the mic picks up Marvin audibly sobbing as he walks away from Whizzer’s grave
  • While Jason is reciting his torah portion during the bar mitzvah, Trina is standing behind him mouthing the words to the verse 
  • EVERYONE’S FACIAL EXPRESSIONS WERE OFF THE CHARTS
  • “I’m Breaking Down” got the most applause in my theater out of any number, and my grandma said that it truly “stole the show" 
  • Trina and Mendel are sleeping on each other and are so adorable when Marvin storms in and wakes them up before “Marvin Hits Trina” cause they start blinking and rubbing their eyes like someone just turned all the lights on in the middle of the night
  • You can literally see the freckles on Christian Borle’s chest during “What More Can I Say?” that’s how clear it is
  • The relationship between Mendel and Jason was so cute and there were so many great choreographic parallels of the two of them throughout the whole show. Like just the two of them siting together or dancing together or just being a part from the rest of the family 
  • The entire cast having to dance around using the words fuck and shit
  • Charlotte’s hair was just amazing
What I learnt after losing 20kg in 3 months

1. It always starts on a high note but the key thing is to keep it going.

You see someone losing a lot of weight and suddenly you are so inspired and pumped to reach your ideal weight, or you realise that you have put on a significant amount of weight and decide to crash diet. It could even be for an upcoming important event. Usually this inspiration will last for a week or two, after which you start to give yourself a little more allowance, this is where most people fall back to where they were. It happened to me countless times.

You have to want it bad enough.

2. You have to be consistent.

Losing weight is hard af, but the important thing is to be consistent. This is what I did:

- take weekly progress photos (whenever I see how my body changes week by week I’m motivated to push on)

- weigh in weekly (I know how easy it is to be obsessed with the scale)

- follow inspiring people (this helps you more than you think)

- whenever I feel lazy to work out, which happens almost every single day, I tell myself this: ‘if you get out there and do what you have to for 30mins, you are one step closer to your goal. If not, the time will pass anyway even if you’re scrolling through Facebook.’

3. Workout

I started with swimming because it was the easiest. You don’t sweat as much, it’s easy on your knees, and it burns a shit load of calories.

After some time, I switched over from swimming to cycling HIIT on my stationary bike. After which I started doing blogilates’s PIIT28, and started hitting the gym after that.

What I’m trying to say is, change up your activities once in a while! Add some variation to your workout by keeping things interesting and you will look forward to it.

My best friend got me out of my comfort zone. I have been so unfit all my life that I wasn’t able to complete even a 2.4km jog. She dragged me along for a run and I fell in love with jogging. To be fair it happened about 6 weeks after I started working out.

It doesn’t get easier, you just get better!

You only need 30mins a day to complete your daily workout. Choose one workout, be it jogging or HIIT, and just do it!

No matter how tired I am, I make sure to get my 30mins in. Sometimes I impress myself with my determination.

4. Moral support

You’re committed to your goals and are working hard towards it. We all know it gets lonely sometimes. Motivate a friend to do the same! Motivate each other when things get tough or the scale is not budging. I’m lucky to have my BFF on this journey together with me.

Even for those who discourage you or those who once called you fat, you got to have the fire in you to make a change and prove them wrong!

Do it for yourself, your love ones. I know you can. I have fallen off the wagon many times too. But the lower you fall, the higher you will fly. Believe in yourself. I promise you, once you start believing, everything will fall in place. There will not be success without failure. You will get there sunshine. One day you will shine. You just got to start believing in yourself and start working damn hard towards your goal.

Old saying but pushes me a lot: 
it’s never going to be easy but it’s going to be SO worth it.

5. You didn’t gain it overnight, don’t expect to lose it in a month.

Don’t be demoralised just because people ain’t noticing the changes. Don’t beat yourself up.

I gave myself 6 months to reach my goal weight. 7kg more to go! Yay!

6: Your boobs/butt will shrink, there might be loose skins/ stretchmarks if you lose weight too fast.

What I did for boobs and butt:

Do planks and squats every day. Yes every day. It helps firms your boobs and squats give your flat booty a lift. 

I learnt this the hard way. Losing 50kg in a year 2 years ago definitely tested my skin’s elasticity. I researched ways to reduce the appearance of stretch marks since the only way you eliminate them is through a laser surgery.

Loose skins and stretchmarks are tricky. I tried everything so I can’t pinpoint what worked and what didn’t.  But it reduced the appearance of stretchmarks and my skin doesn’t look too loose either.

What I did:

- Drink lots of water (it really works!)

- Dry brushing

- Body scrubs (if you ask me I would say coffee scrub, I didn’t start selling it for no reason)

- Bio oil

- Clarins body tonic oil

- Weight training/resistance training                        

7. Relationship with food

Many asked me what meal plans do I follow or do I have certain calorie restrictions.

I have to clarify that I’m not going for a hot lean body hence this method might not work for you if you are going for that.

I do not follow any specific meal plans. I did many times in the past and tried countless meal plans including Herbal life, natroslim or even master cleanse diet. I’m not saying that all these doesn’t work, they do. You will see yourself losing weight, but it isn’t sustainable.

I eat whatever I want now but I control the portions strictly. I cut out sugar drinks too. Don’t underestimate the calories you are taking in as well, it could be the reason why you are not seeing results.

Learn to say no when being offered food (who does that?!). It’s not easy to say no to the piece of chocolate your best friend got for you, but it’s even harder burning it off later during your workout. If you didn’t plan to eat it, don’t. Save it for another day.

There are days when I have peanut butter toast in the morning, fish soup for lunch and economic rice without any rice (just the meat and vege side dishes) for dinner.

But there will also be days where I crave fried chicken. I order them without sides and go without sugar drinks.

Sometimes I live on ban mian (Singapore-style noodles with mince pork soup) without finishing the noodles. Or some days I have fruits before going to bed.

I try to keep my calorie intake within 1500. I don’t feel starved at all and I eat whatever I want in moderation. It keeps me content to keep going.

You are what you eat. If you know the food you are craving for is unhealthy, have it in small amounts. We all know what happens when we over indulge. A healthy journey consists of 80% diet and 20% exercise.

Food that will help you in your journey:

- Water, just drink enough water.

- Unsweetened green tea, yes you’ve heard this 2 million times. But it works.

- Fruits: Papayas, Watermelons, Apples, Bananas, Lemons and Kiwis.

- Needless to say lots of vegetables

Try new recipes like cauliflower rice. Or replace potato chips with kale chips.

There won’t be any food to avoid in my list because I genuinely believe in moderation.

8. Curbing cravings

You just had dinner but you are craving for dessert. We all know it’s not acceptable to do it every day.

I’d go for a jog if I were you. The cravings for unhealthy food usually subside after a run. You’ll burn 150 calories with 30 minutes of jogging, but it takes 1 serving of potato chips to gain it back. Is it worth it? You be the judge.

If not I’ll find an alternative like yogurt or fruits to curb the cravings.

The last method is to take off your clothes in front of the mirror and stare at your body. Tell me if you still want that tiramisu after that.

Many times we eat not because we need it but because we want it. A treat is only a treat if you have it once in a while. 

9. Shitty days

Just recently I broke down and cried just because I felt fat. I felt like the ugliest/biggest girl in the world and I just wanted to hide away from the world. There will be days where you feel like shit and nothing you do makes sense to you.

I allowed myself to cry and tell myself that I’m not good enough.

Sometimes we have to embrace our emotions instead of hiding them. Only when we acknowledge what we are feeling, will we be able to fix what’s really broken inside.

After my emotional battle, I pick myself up and continue whatever I was doing. I fixed what was going on inside and stayed focused. People around me saw results. I saw my results. I deserved every single bit of it because I worked hard for it.

Happiness is a choice. You are how you feel about yourself.

Don’t give up on something just because of the time or the difficulty to achieve it. The time will pass anyway. If you don’t work on yourself, who’s going to do it.

I learnt to love myself for every stretchmark, cellulite and scar that’s on me. At the same time, I do my best to be a better version of myself.

10. Take a break If you are tired, not quit.

Lastly, regardless how many times you fail, as long as you get up and try again, you will succeed in the end.

Getting healthy is not a quick fix, it’s a lifestyle. There will be days you feel like eating fast food and not working out. But as long as you get back on your feet the next day, I promise that everything will work out.

Never ever give up on yourself and your body, because you are the only one living in it.

Hope this helps!! Happy 2017! Keep on rocking! :) Let’s embrace 2017 together and achieve whatever you need to acheive!

@motiveweight - submission 

The Signs as Publizity Quotes
  • Aries: Anything that makes me question my OWN place, in my OWN life, I BLOCK IT OUT.
  • Taurus: He's rich, he's impotent... I'm interested
  • Gemini: You're so shy and small, and she's so loud and huge.
  • Cancer: [Sign that says "crying room"]
  • Leo: I'm just so happy for myself and so WORRIED for you.
  • Virgo: Don't call me ridiculous, you know I don't like being called ridiculous, my dad always called me ridiculous and-
  • Libra: Find out if your personality IS!
  • Scorpio: Are you guys done talking, because I'm done pretending to look down at my binder.
  • Sagittarius: You're just jealous of the risk-taking I've done by getting bangs.
  • Capricorn: I'm a college graduate who deserves the best.
  • Aquarius: And the boyfriends that you have had- "Sure" -were like really bad for you and would like- "yeah" -come over and c*m on your stomach... "Well, I like to have fun."
  • Pisces: Who can never know, like, what will be told, and that is the story, that, like, I will discover when my path unfolds on it.

Alright listen up, some real shit okay? I will openly and honestly admit…no, not admit, state that I think Lucy Heartfilia is a really good looking girl. Like if I saw her in real life, walking by me. I would spin my head so hard, I triple “The Exorcist” myself, if ya get what I mean. Now…Hiro…My dear friend. Why you gotta post this?!

I NEARLY DIED BRO. LUCY! TANNED?! LIKE SWEET BABY LORD JESUS! I needed every possible fruit on this planned to keep myself from losing all my vitamins in body! LIKE, I…I love it and I am not worthy to have witnessed this on a cloudy sunday London evening. Thank you. 

PS: Fuck you Natsu (not really because I love you too man) for having a girl like her.  I am gonna sound like a father and say Don’t you dare make her cry in your relationship which you honestly did like….what 5 times this past arc? BUT I AM SAYING, STAY LOYAL, STAY RESPECTFUL AND HAVE FUN….but don’t make her cry aight?

jeon jungkook ruined my life: a story told through gifs

wey hey what’s up guys i’m back with another collection of rude gifs

this time our subject wll be the maknae and perhaps even the rudest member of bts: jeon jungkook

ok, time for the pain to begin

would any rude jungkook gif post be complete without a gif of this moment? i think not

idk what the fuck this move is trying to achieve but idc i’m still into it

again, what the fuck

don’t even get me started on this choreography, i’m thoroughly convinced that bighit was trying to kill me off

*googles* how to be a sweater

ok but seriously what do we have to do to get this hairstyle back because fucking hell

bitch i’m sweating he looks so good all dressed up n shit

hahahahahaha i’m not okay

*takes deep breath* isweartogodjeonmotherfuckingjungkookifyoudontbuttonupyourgoddamnshirtimgonnalosemyshit

i told myself that i wasn’t going to scream while making this post but it looks like that just went ouT THE FUCKING WINDOW

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

UUUUUUUUCK

hahahahahahahaha i’m not crying i just spilled a little water in my eyes

is this….. is this shit allowed

oh, you think this is bad?

well what do you think about this?

or this?

and we simply cannot ignore this

and i’m pretty sure that this is pornographic but hey it’s fine i’m FINE

that J on his jersey must be for “jerk” because that was extremely uncalled for

yup, it’s for “jerk” alright

tbh this stage was the sexiest shit ever and i’m still not over it

SUPRISE BITCH, THE CHEST HAS COME BACK OUT TO PLAY

AND THE ABS SEEM TO HAVE JOINED US AS WELL HELLO

ok u guys are probably sick of my comments by now so i’m just gonna hit u with straight up rudeness for a sec

OK OK OK I KNOW I SAID I’D SHUT UP BUT WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCKKKK

*raps to the beat of le hip thrusts* i. am. dead.

*yodels* fuck my life *dabs*

ok this was longer than i expected i’m so sorry i swear i’m done now peace out

(these gifs are not mine and i give credit to the makers of them… from my grave)

Not to alarm anyone, but Louis and Harry moved in together at extremely young ages because me and Louis always said that we wanted to live together. And it was a family home. FAMILY.  Not a bachelor pad, thank you very much. So they lived together in their family home. Where Harry did all the cooking and all the cleaning.  He cooked fajitas for them–a family favorite.  A family favorite that Louis loved, because he would tell him if not.  And many years later Louis wrote a song promising to always make this feel like Home. He leaked the song and then posted the Home emoji 🏠 just to make sure we knew.  And now Harry wrote a song about a Sweet Creature always bringing him back Home and I basically don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

Love Covers.

Part of my hospital chaplaincy duties is to write a reflection on how it’s going. Identities may be altered for privacy. All the writings are here.


I’ve seen love. I mean, pure love. The kind that builds you, that bursts wide open and free, the kind they tell you about, but you were afraid to believe.

A nine-year-old boy comes into the trauma bay with deep, jagged lacerations all over his back. Car accident, roll-over; dad and children nearly ejected, going fifty. His shirt is shredded. His back is really torn up, almost ribbons in several places, blood filling his shorts. He’s fidgeting, squirming, but not from his wounds. He’s trying to sit up, eyes darting, looking for someone. He’s trying to tell something to the paramedics, to the nurses and doctors, to me. 

Medicine, he says in a choked whisper, medicine for my sister. She has a new kidney. Medicine.

A second later, his four year old sister is wheeled in—they had been in the same car accident. She’s in shock. Her brother keeps saying, Medicine, for my sister. She needs her kidney medicine.

A nurse replies, “On it. I’m on it, little man.”

I go to the nine year old, pull up a seat, and tell him, “You’re a good brother.”

“Thanks,” he says, finally resting his head. The nurses move around us, not missing a beat, and there’s just me and the kid, eyes locked, his eyes on fire.

“What happened?” I ask him.

“I heard the car inside make a boom, like a firecracker,” he says. “I knew something was wrong. I knew it! I grabbed my sister … and I put myself around her, because … because I didn’t want glass to get in her face.”

I remember his back. The lacerations. 

Suddenly, I’m crying. I lose all professionalism. I’m just crying.

“You’re a hero,” I tell him. “You saved your sister’s life.”

“But her medicine?” he asks. “You’ll make sure she gets it? She takes it everyday for her kidney. It was the one that I gave her.”

“Yes,” I tell him, trying to smile through flooded eyes. “Yes. You’re a good brother,” I say again. “What’s your name?”

He says, “Angel.”

Of course it is.

I sit with him, quietly, as the medical team begins to work on his back. He makes no noise, except to ask how his sister is doing. 

I hold back tears. I feel angry, that something like this had to happen to Angel and his sister, that we live in such a world where no child is safe from destiny, from fate, from the universe, from God, where kidneys don’t work and cars roll over—but I think about Angel covering his sister, and that on our tiny fractured little spinning rock in the random cold chaos of meaningless collision, where the world can explode in glass, one child didn’t hesitate to die for love. I think it is awful that they have to be here in this hospital, but my heart stretches to this other place, where love is powerful and real, and that within lawless disorder, very beautiful things can still happen, and that perhaps pure love must be born through pain, through the life of another. 

— J.S.

RIP To My Youth

and you could call this the funeral

My first Jughead imagine, this is part one, if you guys enjoy it I’ll keep it going. 

Pairing: Jughead x Reader 

Description: Jug and the reader have been best friends since they were kids, but lately, things have changed, Riverdale has changed, Jug has changed and Y/N thinks maybe it’s time she changed too. 

Warnings: ANGST ANGST SO MUCH ANGST YO (maybe a couple o swears)

Word count: 2088

Part 2https://thatsadbreakfastclub.tumblr.com/post/158505761114/rip-to-my-youth-pt-2



It was getting to the point where I was having internal battles with myself every night. ‘Y/N he’s working on the novel and the newspaper, of course, it’s going to be harder for him to spend time with you’ versus ‘he’s moved on, he’s closer with Betty now, he and Archie are closer too, you’ve lost him, you’re irrelevant’. These were the thoughts that had been consuming my brain for the past couple of weeks. Jug was my best friend, right? Maybe I should text him? Maybe not. I started playing with my pale grey cap, my nervous tick of sorts. Jug could always tell when I was nervous because I would fiddle with the cap “Y/N” he’d say “spill it, you can’t hide anything from me, I can read you like an open book”. Thinking about this little memory was bittersweet. How can someone who’s practically by your side every day suddenly just have no real interest in talking to you? Ever since the murder of Jason Blossom, it really feels like everything in Riverdale has changed.

I glanced at my clock perched on my bedside table, 7:45 pm sigh. Maybe doing some homework will take my mind off all this bullshit, who’s idea was it to put me in advanced algebra anyway? Oh, that’s right my father, who I really wish was here right now and not away on some business trip. Tonight would have to be a lonely one. That’s when I remembered I had Jug’s math textbook, there it was sitting on my desk. I flipped it open and sure enough on the bottom left-hand corner was a small ‘property of Jughead Jones’. Perfect I could use this as an excuse to text him. 

Hey Jug, I forgot I had your math textbook? Want me to come drop it over? The two-hour wait to get a reply just built up more and more anger inside of me Hey Y/N, I’m working on an article with Betty right now, could you drop it off to me in the newsroom in free period tomorrow? This was it, this was fucking it, oh I would take his textbook to him tomorrow and I would also confront him about this whole thing, that’s what I’d do straight up ask him why I was suddenly dead weight, I’ve had his guys back for so many years and now I’m just nothing, I won’t have it. Will do I sent back, cool calm and collected and then I was going to give him a piece of my mind tomorrow.

Getting ready for school was never a difficult task for me, I pretty much did the same thing everyday. My Y/H/C was tied into a ponytail with the front strands falling onto my face framing it. I put on my classic ripped boyfriend jeans and a black t-shirt, accompanied by my army jacket. To finish off my classic look I added my signature grey cap and put on my favourite dark grey lipstick. I wasn’t the girliest of girls, that was for sure, but everyone seemed to identify me by my style and in this I found comfort. After giving myself the once over in the mirror I grabbed Jug’s textbook from my desk, shoving it into my bag and I set off for school.

The day dragged on and on, I had a tonne of classes with Kevin and Ronnie today so it was nice to hang out with them for a change. This was of course until Kevin pulled the “I haven’t seen you and Jughead together in a while, what happened you two are usually joined at the hip?” line “You guys are my otp, I hope there’s no trouble in paradise” Veronica added. “Ronnie we’re not dating, why does everyone always think that and honestly, I don’t know, I guess he’s been too busy with this whole novel and newspaper thing to remember me as well” I replied giving my best interpretation of a fake smile. Veronica and Kevin gave me sympathetic looks. 

As the bell rang, signaling our release I was packing my things together when Veronica grabbed my arm. “Y/N you need to tell Jug how you feel, I don’t know if you’ve even admitted it to yourself yet but it’s pretty obvious you’re in love with him, I can see how much not seeing him is hurting you and I think it’s best if you face this head on” I was so taken aback by this, I mean for years I’ve always had people ask if Jug and I were dating but no one had been this blatant with me. Was she right?, No he’s my best friend, I couldn’t be in love with him no way. I let out an awkward laugh “I don’t love Jughead, we’re just friends” It came out so defensive that Veronica raised both her eyebrows and folded her arms “the fact that you’re being so defensive about this just further proves my point” She said in a sing-song voice. “I gotta go Ronnie” I replied standing up from my seat and walking out the classroom “I only say this cause’ I care” she yelled after me.  

Making my way towards the newsroom, I’d never felt so nervous in my life, like get a grip girlie it was just your friend, surely this whole not speaking to me thing was just, not even a big deal and I was hyping it all up. I was still going to have a go at him though because he was angry when Archie ditched him and now he’s okay with doing it to me? Not on my watch.

I had the math book in my hand as I was walking up to the door of the newsroom, I had my best ‘pissed off face’ going on I was ready.

I had my hand almost on the doorknob when I took a quick glance through the doors glass window. That was when my stomach fell, my jaw dropped and my heart involuntarily shattered. It was just a glimpse that’s all I could allow myself to watch, but inside that dusty old newsroom was one Jughead Jones kissing Elizabeth Cooper. The feelings hit me like a truck, and then everything went numb.

I didn’t know what to do so without giving any sign I was there I dropped the math book and ran, I ran out of the school I ran past pops and all the way home. By this time the tears were free falling, I couldn’t stop it and I didn’t care. Once I was in the safety of being inside my house with the door locked I gave in to my emotions and just slid down to the floor.

Wow, I felt so stupid and so naive, why didn’t I see this coming, it all made perfect sense now. I guess this was me also coming to terms with the fact that as usual Ronnie was right, I was painfully in love with Jug and now I was too late to ever do anything about it.

The more I sat there and thought about it the more I came to realise that this was my fault. I held Jug up to this crazy high standard and just assumed it would always be him and me at the end of the day. I had sacrificed so much to hang out with him, to keep my “image”, I avoided making too many other friends, I avoided parties, extracurricular activities you name it I wasn’t a part of it. Now it was all going to change, it had to change. Maybe this was the wake-up call I needed. I had to work on myself, be better, be stronger. Most of all this needed to happen because this meant I could quite literally not be around Jughead anymore, I think seeing or talking to him would make me cry, something the new me will NOT be doing.

I picked myself up off the floor and headed to the bathroom to wash my face. “Get a grip Y/N, ” I told myself staring into the mirror. It’s like as soon as I come to terms with the feelings I think I may have had for years, I have to immediately try to get rid of them. I think this was a coping mechanism for me, and I think the reason I’ve never let myself admit that I had feelings for him before was because I fear rejection so much so very much, and I had to do what I knew would keep him around and that was to continue to be his friend. Well, little girl it’s time to grow up.

And what’s the best way to look more mature and confident, change your style. From what I’ve witnessed from the media, what you wear can have a profound impact on how people view you. This is what I had to do first, get rid of the “old me” look. This meant bye grey cap, bye dark lipstick ( I mean what was I even trying to do with that? Look like a corpse?) (oh wow corpse jokes really funny, maybe a bit too real in light of recent circumstances.) And also a very big goodbye to my jeans and army jacket, that would have to go too.

Looking through my closet it was apparent I didn’t have much to work with, I would definitely have to go shopping this weekend, I’ll bring Ronnie and Kevin along, they know fashion and are probably more than willing to help me out. AH HUH eureka! The dress I’ve been looking for! About two months ago I bought this really nice burgundy skater dress that I was planning to wear on a summer trip away, but when that got cancelled I never really had an excuse to wear it, until now. It showed a lot of leg, which I was surprisingly pretty comfortable with. The thought of people seeing me in this tomorrow made me feel a mixture of excitement and nausea.

The next thing that would change was the hair; no more would it be hidden by a cap and just randomly pulled back behind my face. I would wear it down and give it a curl. I think that would give me a nice elegant edge. God, I really don’t think anyone’s even going to recognise me tomorrow, kinda funny really. The next thing I had to do was go on to the school website and look for an extracurricular I would be willing to do. Hopefully, this would be a good way to make new friends and keep me busy.

I went and grabbed my laptop from my desk, as I did this I heard my phone vibrate, which meant I had a message. The name that made the screen light up made my heart skip a few beats, it was from Jug Hey, I just found my math book outside the newsroom? Why did you leave it there and not come inside? SIGH, reading that was like a knife to my chest, I immediately deleted the message, this may be immature but I needed time, I can’t bring myself to talk to him and if he can do it to me I can sure as hell do it to him. 

Shaking those thoughts away I was brought back to the task at hand. Logging onto the schools web page I found the list of extracurricular activities going on at Riverdale high. Chess club? Pass. Girl’s soccer? Hard pass.  Mathletes? No way in hell. Come on there has to be something here. After fifteen minutes of looking to no avail I scrolled past the extracurricular activities. Eventually I saw an ad posted by the she-devil herself Cheryl Blossom, apparently, one of the river vixens had broken her ankle and a new vixen was needed immediately, auditions were tomorrow after school. Hmm, could I do this? Maybe I could? The old me would never dream of being a cheerleader but the new me, maybe she could. You know what, fuck it. It was decided, I caught myself slightly smiling as I clicked ‘attend’ on the event. It felt like a breath of fresh air, tomorrow I would walk into school confident and new. I was going to cure my own broken heart. I just hoped a run in with Jughead wouldn’t make it all come crashing down.

Emotional Cheating | 2

1 - https://pendantstyles.tumblr.com/post/162156321066/emotional-cheating

//

“God forbid I get tired, Harry.”

The words Harry once neglected before were now imprinted in his mind, not leaving once you did. It was those simple words he knew not to fuck up ever again.

He knows how you are. He knows what you meant by those words. He knows that by what you said, it didn’t mean that you want God to forbid you from being tired physically. He already knew you are every day.

You meant that you didn’t want to get tired in the aspect that you were more than ready to give up. Harry knew how well you could keep up because he’s seen it before.

And God forbid you get tired of him.

There was a thought that appeared from his sub-conscious, making him almost jump in his seat in response of how much he hated it, his large hands gripping his hair.

Alcohol isn’t advisable nor recommended at the moment. It wouldn’t help his case and he knew that exactly.

You though of it too. But minutes later, you found yourself sitting next to the mini refigerator your room has with a beer in hand, putting a bill on the counter with a note because you didn’t want to be like one of those obnoxious guests.

The floor and the beer’s cold, and so is Harry’s flat. He didn’t want to call it home because you weren’t there with him and so was he mentally to be even considered as one.

“Can I call now?”

Harry’s hands were shaking, his thumb reaching out to press ‘send’ along with his hand that reached for your blanket you used to wrap yourself in whenever you were waiting for him, squeezing it.

It took every bit of Harry to stop himself from hurling objects across the room. He’d close his eyes and breathe deeply, until your words of “Self-control, love.” came into effect. He admits that he doesn’t have the longest of tempers and the highest dosage of control.

“Yes.”

His attention is fully fixed on his phone now, another pang on his chest when he saw your reply.

He specifically told you not to put periods at the end of your messages because it scared him. Maybe it’s the changed meaning every time there’s a punctuation, maybe it’d the formality.

And right now, he has every reason to be.

“Don’t get tired on me yet. You’re not going to get tired, you’re not. You’re not tired.”

Harry muttered the words once you accepted the call, not letting a single second going to waste since he precisely has 300 of it.

He’s slowly losing his right state of mind without you by his side. He was so used to being tolerated for the way he is that he forgot how to not feel when it was the other way around.

“It’s not for me to decide but I’m trying to influence you to it. The only time you’re going to be tired is when we’re gonna take care of our future kids. You’re only going to be tired when you’re out of breath not because of a fight, but from something we both like.”

Harry’s tears were pouring involuntarily with him not having any control over it, the hoarseness of his voice slightly hurting his throat from speaking faster normally than how he did.

“You’re only going to be tired when we’re packing bags to go on vacation and on tour. You’re only going to be tired from jet lag and lack of sleep and not from us. The only time you’re going to be tired is when we fight with our kids and that’s it.”

The hurt in his chest was starting to get unbearable now, the grip on the blanket to the point where his hand was going numb and his knuckles going white were getting the best of him.

His voice cracked, completely letting go of his ego and his pride, a desperate plea coming from his lips he’s willing to repeat if that’s what’s going to make you agree.

“You’re not going to get tired on me, Y/N. And that’s final.”

He used up a minute, being scared of the remaining ones because those are the last moments he’s going to hear your voice for that day.

“I know I haven’t gave you the best of reasons to not be, and I know that. I do. But love, please listen to me.”

“I know what you’re doing.”

His heart skipped a beat when he heard your voice since he didn’t expect for you to talk, he knew silence was the only thing you could muster in times like these.

“I’m trying to make you come home.”

“Is there home?” you asked in a whisper and ended with a harsh tone in your voice.

“There is.”

His grip loosened, opening and closing his hand repeatedly until he could feel the warmth go back to his veins again.

“Do you love me?”

Harry felt rigid, a cold shiver down his spine from what you asked because he never thought it would come to this. He never thought that you would ask him for confirmation if he still loves you because at moments like this, there was no other choice.

“I do.”

You leaned your head against a cabinet which made you let out a cry, not because of the pain but because of what he answered, an angry cry coming out of your lips that alerted Harry, sitting up straighter.

“Then why the hell did you do it?”

He felt his breathing come shallow, his gaze going elsewhere that didn’t make any sense.

“Because I only thought of myself.”

He’s right.

Maybe you were too selfless that you put Harry on top of your priorities that you weren’t on his.

Too selfless.

“Because I wasn’t thinking.”

You remembered all the nights you would greet him by the door with a hug he’d reciprocate half to, ignoring the pain it caused because you love him too much that it hurt you.

Too much.

“Because I wasn’t thinking of you and I deeply regret that.”

You spilled too much over the tipping point of your rock-bottom, the pain being overwhelming that you were momentarily numb from it until he spoke again.

“There isn’t anyone like you. And I’d rather not have the chance to find that out because I’m not going to take any.”

His voice was stern yet still gentle, a tone on his voice that you barely heard these past few months.

“I’m selfish; I know. I do know that. I’m selfish when it comes to having you because I just am.”

Harry breathed in deeply, his tears decreasing and so is his voice.

“I may not be the best at all things. But I know I’m selfish when it comes to having you because you make me feel like I am. And Y/N, I love that.”

He was starting to get calm now but not too much that he was confident of having you again since he didn’t want to jinx it, a tentative look on the door.

“Please come back here. I know — I know that I don’t hold the many promises that I make but I swear to God that this is real.”

He closed his eyes, wanting to desperately feel you by his side.

“You are my home.”

The phone dropped, making Harry almost break down right then and there and doubt himself that he didn’t try hard enough. That maybe he was too stupid to take you for granted and have this result.

He was so close to hurling his phone against the wall but no, he decided against that because he’s going to call you tomorrow. Maybe he’s going to call you so he put it down again, an uneasy look on his face.

Minutes or hours passed since he wasn’t sure of it passed and he spent the majority of it crying. He didn’t know why but he chose to relive by the words you told him and how broken you looked. He didn’t know why but it pained him to realize that he’s going to be the only one to do that to you.

He doesn’t know whether it’s a privilege or not.

And so, just as he felt to break the rules and let a friend track your call, the door opened.

You were there standing, a moment of realization hitting you from the moment that you ended the call is that you wouldn’t have it either way.

You’d rather be hurt because of Harry than to not at all.

He stood up instantly, taking careful steps towards you before it sank in him, hugging you so tightly and closely that you could feel his tears streaming down on your neck.

He cried onto you, heavy breathing filling the aie as you let him do it, your arms wrapping around him which made him more than grateful.

He whispered the words, but still loud and powerful enough for you to hear and to be inked forever into you.

You knew it later on by his song, yet it was the most precious to him since it held the most meaning to him, and so did it on to you, letting him convice you to get the title inked onto you, still in the meaning where only he gets to know.

“You bring me home.”

Bts reaction to you having a choking kink

Request 1: Hi! Bts reaction to you holding on to him and thrusting up during sex while moaning. 💖💖💖thank you!

Request 2: BTS reaction to you asking them to choke you during rough sex? Thanks

There I go again with the mixing of requests.

WARNING: DADDY CONTENT. This isn’t a representation of sexual abuse. Is a version of two party agreement.


Jin

You were holding on him so tightly, even Jin was feeling the scratches on his back. And honestly it was getting out of control. You knew his back was his pride and any scratches you left on his back meant he can’t show his back for a while. Automatically his hand locked itself around your neck, gentely choking you. “I was clear when I said no scratches on my back. But you just never listen, do you?” He said as he thrusted so hard you choked out a moan containing the word “Yes.”

Yoongi

Yoongi hated when you were quiet during sex. He liked to hear you mewing and begging. It made him proud of his work, but sometimes you were keeping quiet on purpose, then Yoongi just snapped. Just like he did now. His hand wrapped around your neck touching the exact place to make your head lightweighted. “You wanna keep quiet? Fine. Now you won’t be able to say anything at all, huh princess?” with every word he delivered a new harder thrust and make your eyes water with tears, but after all, that’s why you kept quiet.

Namjoon

Namjoon hold a certain pride in choking you. He liked the whole idea of it. The way his fingers will just wrap around your neck, making your voice stop, was giving him such a strong feeling of pride that no one else knows how to touch you but him. When he wanted an answer he’ll loose his fingers giving you time to breath in which he just pound into you so hard, the oxygen will come out of your lungs. “Such a beautiful girl. Daddies girl.”

Hoseok

Hobi didn’t like to choke you honestly. He only did as apunishment, when you were such a bad girl, Hoseok just had to make you pay. He knew that no punishment made you behave like when he choked you. You were his little girl and when your oxygen was stopped you knew not to mess with him and that things were serious. But instead of letting you go, this whole situation turned him on even more and he thrusted into you so hard, you had to hold on to him.

Jimin

You both liked choking. He choked you somtimes to the brink of unconciousness. And just before you feel like you can take it anymore, he will loose his hand from around your neck. Gently kissing your neck over and over again. “Daddy loves you so much. You did great. I’m sorry if I went a little overbroad it’s just that I can’t control myself when you look at me with those eyes. Y/n baby, stop teasing, I’m trying to be gentle here. That was it! You want me to fuck you, I’ll fuck you.” H said as he thrusted in you balls deep, making you cry out loud.

Taehyung

Tae just loved choking you. That was it. It’s one of his biggest kinks. Thrusting hard into you, seeing your body bounce so hard because of the thrusts he delivered. Your hair messy, your lips chanting his name like a prayer, the diamond Gucci custom made choker shining on your neck. It was the highest class leather with diamonds on it. When he tugged on it, your face became pure perfection. “A beautiful kitten with a beautiful pussy are you? That’s right. Try to tell daddy how much you love it when he tuggs on it.”

Jungkook

Respect and discipline was all Jungkook asked for in the bedroom. No messy acts, no going out of line, unless…when you were so crazily beautiful, he just couldn’t control himself. Layed in front of him, naked, only the knee-high socks covering your feet. A beauty. But…disrespectful one. “You really had to do that? You really want to try my patience, do you? On your hands and knees!” But on your hands and knees he could control himself. He couldn’t, however, when you turned around, meowing like a little kitten, begging him to go a little faster. He lost it all. His hand wrapped itself tightly around your neck, his lips inches away from your ear. “Like this?” and the golden man just couldn’t let his pride get hurt, hwne he thrusted into you so hard, you became putty in his hands.


Masterlist

CONFESS YOUR SINS, LOVE OR WHATEVER EMOTION YOU FEEL TOWARDS WHOEVER. WHAT HAVE YOU IMAGINED? MOMMY,A.K.A ME, WILL LISTEN.

Also we are playing “Would you rather” so tag along.

*Requests are closed*

i’ve always been made of iron fists and i guess at this point, i’m just looking for somebody to be soft with me. i’m just looking for somebody to say look: i know you’re mad right now but tomorrow you’ll get over it and i’ll still love you and you’ll still love me and that means everything. what i’m saying is i know i always make it seem like i’m angry but anger has always been a defense mechanism when i’m really hurting.

did you know that almost every time i’m screaming during the night, i drive home crying? did you know that i’m afraid to reach out to my friends because i think they’ll go running? did you know that i stopped blaming myself, i started realizing that people are afraid to show emotions in a world where people always brush them off.

so here’s what i’m going to do: i’m going to start saying thank you more. i’m going to tell people how much i appreciate them. i’m going to say i love you, because i’ve lost too many people without them even realizing how much i do. i’m going to start asking how are you more. i’m going to keep crying because nothing good comes out of hiding your feelings and i don’t care anymore who judges me for it. i’m going to take down my guard and show others that i’m struggling and that’s okay. because i know you probably are too.

what i’m saying is hurt manifests itself in different ways and just because people don’t show hurt in the way you’re used to doesn’t mean they don’t feel it. what i’m saying is check up on your friends. many of them are good at hiding their true feelings.