because i just have so many feels

v important rant

this is something thats been irritating me so much for a while and i really wanna talk about it i also think its super important honestly so. we all know that dan wasn’t really in a good place in his life before he met phil and he’s been getting happier and happier especially lately, yes phil is definitely like a crucial part of dan’s development and has impacted dan’s life very positively, but i just have an issue with the fact that so many people in the phandom keep giving phil all the credit for dan’s wellbeing. like i see so much of “phil saved dan’s life” and “dan was depressed until he met phil” and like i just hate it because it glorifies the idea that you need someone else to conquer something as complex as depression. phil changed dan’s life thats a fact that dan keeps mentioning every chance he gets but dan was the one responsible for getting through all the shit he used to feel and the insecurities and self-doubt. even though dan wasn’t in a good place he still let phil in and managed to be able to succeed in youtube which was something so new to him and look how far they got together.

my point is, if you’re suffering something you’re the one who’s responsible for your achievements. if you notice your life getting better with somebody else’s presence, keep them closer than ever but also give yourself credit for not giving up and choosing to surround yourself with people who affect your life positively. 

Your first record was called Born to Die. Now this record is Lust for Life. In between that, what is it that affected you enough to go from Born to Die to Lust for Life?

                   Yeah, they’re complete opposites, and it’s funny because when I chose the title, I didn’t think about it right away. It was the title of the first song I wrote for this record. But there are so many things that have gotten me to the point that I’m at now. One of them is just time. And because I do write everything myself, I just wanted to chronicle how I was feeling honestly, in the moment, for each record. So, I had a lot of stories that I wanted to tell that I hadn’t told yet up until this point. And now, through the last four records, I got out a lot of those stories and a lot of those feelings, and for the first time, I’ve caught myself up to real time. And now, I’m at this place where I feel like I’m really present, and when I’m reading the news, I’m really reading it, whereas before I was a little bit in my own head. So, there’s definitely been a feeling of freedom and lightness being in the present moment. That brings on that lust for life feeling, when you don’t have all of those feelings about the past weighing you down. I remember an interview that you did once where you said, “Around every corner there’s an adventure waiting to happen,” and I’m kind of in that zone right now. I just feel like whatever each day brings me is something that I need and I want. It’s just time. Time has brought me here. 

Just because the two teens [John and Paul] didn’t display or articulate strong feelings at their first meeting doesn’t mean they didn’t have them. I know many writers don’t see the day that way. Most, in fact, downplay the day’s events. One McCartney biography goes so far as to say, “There were no bolts of lightning that day.” Yet, given how important rock music was to both teenagers, I can’t picture them not being stirred at the sight of the other performing.

Sparks had to fly in their rock and roll hearts. The simple fact is that for many years following, they chose each other above all others.
—  Jim O’Donnell, The Day John Met Paul: An Hour-by-Hour Account of How the Beatles Began, Second Edition – Introduction

it’s a “would it even matter if i just deleted my entire ao3 account?” mood tonight

The End.

I just wanted to say that, although I hate this freaking show with a passion and I know some of you do too, I’m gonna miss every Tuesday. I can’t believe so many years have gone by so quickly.
I hope you keep your blogs active because this show was amazing and it should be remembered.

I…I just don’t really know how to say goodbye really, it’s not that I want the show to continue but I’m going to miss it anyway.

I hope the final episode is good, I hope it makes us feel part of something special, because we share something special.

And I hope we get some freaking answers after all.
Goodbye little liars💋❤️😈 🅰️❌🖤

anonymous asked:

I saw your post on the whole Phil's parents gender roles things and it made me think. I don't think that was his parents fault I just think it was their attitude. I live in Lancashire and I have to say the majority of parents will not allow for their child to be . . . Lets just say easy pickings for bullies. When I was growing up my parents would actively force me to wear dresses and skirts so I could be more 'popular'. Having a kid that is 'different' can seriously effect a families social life

So I’m gonna remove Phil from this situation because I don’t want anyone to think I’m making too many assumptions about who Phil is as a person. 

But generally, let me understand this: your stance here is that it’s okay for parents to shame their queer/non-stereotypical-gendered kids so the parents don’t feel uncomfortable when they go out to dinner with their friends? And if there are bullies out there it’s on the kids being bullied to adjust their behavior to avoid it?  

Sounds fucked up to me. 

greatfireoflondon  asked:

I don't think SM was fully aware what she did when she created Jasper. He is an incredibly complicated character with a complex personality, complex past, complex definition of morals and relationships and of course there is his vaguely described gift. I'm also not sure him and Alice are a good pairing, just personality wise, I feel like Maria is a better match.

Jasper’s interesting to me because fandom has so many different interpretations of him.  There’s the Jasper who is “Emmett lite” kind of fun-loving and pranksterish. There’s the super emo Jasper who retreats from the world and doesn’t want to be touched. There’s ‘shy’ Jasper who doesn’t have any confidence in his abilities in this vegetarian/human world. There’s All Alice All the Time Jasper. There’s suave Southern Gentleman Jasper. There’s “I kind of think the Cullens are nuts and I sort of want to go back to being a real vampire” Jasper. There’s The Major stuff.  And then there are combinations of some or all of these. 

I find Jasper most interesting when he’s still a little dangerous, still maybe not 100% committed to the Cullen vision. He appreciates the life he has now, and he’s glad he doesn’t have to feel the emotions of those he kills, but I think if push came to shove he wouldn’t say killing humans is morally wrong. It’s just nature. It’s just what is. I’m also pretty intrigued about a comment SM made in some interview about how life with the Cullens is an “almost incomprehensible peaceful retirement” (or something close to that) to him. I wonder if there’s not a part of him that’s not kind of restless. Not that he wants to go back to the Southern Wars; not that he misses the violence and hate, but maybe he misses the excitement a little. Maybe he misses being the MVP instead of the “weak link” who still struggles at times to control himself. 

Alice/Jasper seems like the sort of ship that people either ride or die for, or just don’t get. I think that’s what happens when it’s based, by the author’s own admission, on “mystical,” unexplainable connection versus a more organic romantic development. In SM’s words “they just ARE together, and were before they had even met.” They “weren’t whole” until they found each other. It’s very paranormal romance and I think for some people (including myself at times) it’s hard to wrap your head around. I’m fascinated by the potential of Jasper/Maria although it obviously would be NOT HEALTHY at all.  I was sort of more into it before the guide when we found out Maria’s whole thing was about dead-mate-revenge. In fact I was more interested in Maria in general before that revelation. I think SM falls back on the dead mate motivation a little too often. There’s got to be other things that motivate the undead! 

Because there wasn’t enough joy to be had in Senshi Band, the musicals were recorded from several different angles, giving you EVEN MORE reason to watch them again and again. I haven’t yet watched the whole DVD release (fuck, I haven’t even watched the whole streaming release from like three years ago MAYBE BECAUSE I CAN NEVER GET THE FUCK PAST SENSHI BAND AND EVIL SENSHI CLONE BATTLE), but if you recall, just before The Great Nuke of 2015, I WAS checking it out some of the bits I’d already seen.

I wanted to take this opportunity to remind everyone that in this moment:

Rei AND Ami AND Minako are all gazing adoringly at Mako striking a pose:

And that it’s on the line “my strength will appear”.

Basically these musicals are the greatest thing that have ever happened in the history of humankind.

curlshavemorefun  asked:

I found the adhd community on tumblr helpful and validating I'm waiting to see a psychiatrist in Dec. See I relate to the markers of ADD and I'm pretty darn sure I experience RSD and hyperfixations. The more I see myself in these stories, the more I feel like everything I am is just a result of adhd. All my interests, all my struggles even my personality. I know I'm in a low place right now but I feel consumed and empty at the same time

I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time right now. Thank you for reaching out. You are absolutely welcome here at Actually ADHD, and I am sure many of our followers would love to get to know you and be friends with you.

It sounds like you are experiencing depression, which is understandable. I do want to reassure you that everything you are isn’t “just because of ADHD”; sure, ADHD definitely influences how we relate to the world, but it’s not everything about us. I’m not the same as other ADHDers, after all! There are a lot of things that go into our development besides brain function: parenting styles, basic personality traits, big life events, gender, sexuality, artistic interests and/or talents, religion, etc.

Followers, how do you think of yourself in relation to ADHD? Do you feel like it’s part of everything about you and who you are as a person, or do you feel like it’s had influences but not enough that you’d be lost without it, or something else entirely? I’m curious!


on feedback (& a mini status update)

I’ve gotten so many nice comments on some of my older fics the past few days, and I don’t like to reply to them on ao3 usually because it always feels presumptuous and weird to me (I have rampant out of control anxiety what up no one actually wants to hear from ME why would they and even if they did what about the others I don’t reply to I don’t want them to feel left out and ahhh – and so on).  

So I just wanna say to any of you who follow this blog and have replied lately I see them and they make my damn day, thank you very much. 

I’ve heard it said that when people sit down to write (whether it’s fan fiction or original or anything) they have a specific person in mind they’re writing FOR, and it helps with motivation a lot. I think that’s true – the person foremost in my mind when I write is my wife – but everyone who leaves comments is also in there. When I get a comments – especially consistently from people across multiple works, I know you know who you all are and I love you all – I sort of mentally add that person to my list of “I’m writing for X” and it really does honestly help me push through times where I’m not really feeling creatively motivated or so on. 

(This goes for the people who leave “comments” in the tags on reblogs too.) 

So yeah thank you for sharing your thoughts on my work with me. I read them all and I deeply appreciate everyone that takes the time to comment. ❤️

Also – general update – I know it’s been a bit since my last fic, I’ve been really busy with the FFXIV expansion, plus my mom’s 50th birthday is coming up so I’m busy crocheting one of her gifts for that. (The good news is I can listen to The Adventure Zone while I do that – just started The 11th Hour, it’s so good you guys. It’s so good.) (If any of you play FFXIV, I’m Jace Catte on the Faerie server!)

I’m working on another Dirk/Jake/BGD fic (it’s a one shot set after the long one) and I have at least 2 more DaveKat one-shot ideas on my short list, and I am ALSO still tweaking my outline for a long gothic horror rosemary semi-AU that I want to write.

Also on a more personal note I finally (with much cajoling and help from my wife) got a new doctor who has started me on a new round of medicine to hopefully help with aforementioned anxiety plus some other issues (brain chemistry is hard guys. it’s so hard.) So maybe fewer days spent doing nothing but sitting in a holding loop of paralyzing anxiety/ADD supercombo. I feel like often without my meds my brain is a cog with worn down teeth that keep slipping, and a huge % of my potential productivity gets sucked into those slippages. On my meds I feel like they’re catching correctly, propelling me forward – we’ll see how it goes. I’m also getting a sleep study done so that should be real fun. 💤 🛌

anonymous asked:

Do you think if the right girl came along in the fall of 1998, Eric would have changed his mind? I <3 your blog.

Aw thank you :) 

I think a lot of the girls Eric was interested in seemed to be nice but none of them actually truly appreciated Eric’s personality, except for Susan DeWitt probably but then it was too late Eric was already on his one-way path to (self-)desctruction. I really want to believe IF a girl came along to share Eric’s feelings and care about him ,appreciate his positive sides because he did have many, then things would have been different for Eric. And no,I’m not talking just about the sex part and Eric’s sexual desires, I’m talking about the right girl for Eric, to be his friend before all, to be with him and not ‘’leave him out of so many fun things’’ and also to still be with him in bad,darker times and not so many fun things. Eric was indeed different and an extraordinary clever boy. He needed someone to listen.. He wasn’t an innocent angel,that’s for sure. But he let himself be consumed by hatred,believing he had no other choice. I will always believe there could’ve been a chance for Eric to change his mind and to use all his great abilities for something positive. Sorry for the long reply,btw. :) 

Im falling apart

For the entire 54+ years Ive been around Ive never been truly happy. There has always been some kind of obstacle preventing that.

For the longest time it was my gender issue. So despite finding and marrying the love of my life, having a high paying job, getting our dream house, having a son and playing in a great band I was never completely happy.

I always had that gender issue knawing at me just under the surface. Having all those wonderful things but still feeling incomplete was maddening.

I know it was because I wasn’t being me.

Fast forward to the present (and take away all those wonderful things) and for the last 4 months I have lived day in and day out as myself. Which has made me happy. To a point.

Now I miss so many of the things I once had. Things I needed to enjoy my hobbies and interests. Thinks I worked so hard to attain. Things that just made like functionable.

But with the love of my new partner, some of those things are making a return.

So Im on the road to true happiness now, correct?

I wish, but thats not the case.

Now my health is failing. Im falling apart. Im having to limit what I do because of health reasons.

None of which was a problem before. Ever.

In the last 4 months I spent 2 weeks in the hospital, nearly died, was in a coma. Took over a month to recover enough to go back to work.

Now its swollen legs, feet and abdomen, blood in my urine, including clumps of it coming out. Anemia, fatigue, frequent restroom visits and more.

Couple that with little money to spend on treating these issues, my one place of refuge Two Spirits Health now acting like a business and being forced to work doing deliveries in the 95° heat with NO air conditioning and its easy to understand why the spiral of depression is lurking ever so close. Like someone following you around just out of sight, but you can just feel thier presence is near.

Im trying desperately to avoid that downward spiral. To fight to carry on.

Im trying new outfits that I have never worn. Things most women take for granted. Like shorts and athletic shoes and tank tops and sandals.

My partner Vicky and I are going away for a few days.

A new hairstyle!

But still my new physical ailments are making things difficult.

Which is maddening.



anonymous asked:

Headcanons of Reiner and the s/o having a baby?

*takes a deep fuckin breath*

Okay. This could play out in so many situations but I’m just going to give you this basics because HUNNY THIS WOULDNT BE CUPCAKES AND RAINBOWS.

I feel that initially Reiner would be really excited and when when his s/o tells him the news but then all that goes away when realization hits him. He got so caught up in the “good” side of him that he lost track of the mission. There’s a high possibility that the baby won’t have a father figure in his/her life.

That’s literally the very basics on it. 

anonymous asked:

What would you do if you feel so disconnected with your job and are unable to do other jobs just because of fear and the fact that you have no talent and qualifications for said jobs. Then you realise and aware you're thinking unrealistically but can't seem to break the negative cycle?

I quit my job. Just over a week ago. For many reasons, but that feeling of disconnectedness was definitely a factor. 

I know what it’s like to feel unqualified. I do. My degree is so specified, and in the face of getting out into world, facing real and varied professional roles- I feel dwarfed by that. Swallowed by the absence of my experience, my absence of qualifications.

But I am in a very, very lucky position. I have a home, a family whom are willing to help support me if I need it. A working significant other whom I share my home with. My own savings and the benefits from my welfare that I’ve earned through working. 

If you are entitled to any benefits from your welfare or government from working, than I strongly suggest investigating those options. I know from first-hand experience, how horrible it is to work in a job that wears you down until you’re suffocating under the negativity. It may be time to accept help if it’s there and start to look at other options.

If you can’t move, then you need to find a good support system. Friends, family, people here in the fandom you’re close to. Anyone you feel can help you, ask them for help. You need to be honest with them. What you need more than anything is to create a space where you feel you can be honest, safe and loved. You need to build somewhere you can leave that negativity at the door. You’re in a dangerous position to let this swallow you. It’s going to be hard, but you have to look out for yourself. 

But it sounds like you’re letting those bad feelings dictate what you do. Which is hard to stop, as it’s hard to stop being afraid. I was so afraid when I quite my job. I’m still so afraid. But in the end, I knew it was the right decision. You need to do what you feel is right for you. Because you are what’s important.

anonymous asked:

iiaat to be overstimulated by someone talking too much? I have one cousin that NEVER. STOPS. TALKING. I swear, I'll blast my music louder, she won't stop. I'll ignore her, and she'll keep talking. I get a tight feeling in my chest and I get a foggy mind because she just won't stop. I do get really irritable and start telling her brutally honest things about her like "You talk so much, why don't you just shut up already? You talk all the time! Just stop!" Sis says have more patience but i cant!!!

That could definitely be overstimulation. Many of us have a difficult time processing verbal speech and it can become very draining if we have to listen to people speak for too long which can lead to becoming overloaded. 


anonymous asked:

Do you have any tips on writing?

Oh wow, I’m really not the best person to ask! There are so many writers on tumblr who are far, far more talented who I’m sure would have much better advice. The things I’ve posted here are pretty much the only non-academic writing that I’ve done. But as someone who just started a few months ago purely for fun, here’s what I’d say:

  • Do it because you enjoy it. Stepping out of your comfort zone is great, but forcing yourself to write characters or plots that you don’t like just because you feel like you have to will suck the joy out of writing faster than anything else. 
  • Read a lot! Like I said, I’m not an especially skilled writer, but whatever small abilities I do have come from reading. Seeing the way other authors express their thoughts on the page can help you learn to do the same with your own thoughts. I think it helps a lot with grammar, too.
  • Keep notes for stray thoughts. A lot of times I think of random lines or pieces of dialogue when I’m not sitting down to write, and I know there’s a high chance I’ll completely forget them if I don’t write them down. It makes a good inspiration bank when you need something to get you kick-started. 
  • For me, outlines are the most helpful thing in terms of staying motivated and keeping a story on track. Writing a complete story feels much less overwhelming when you have a guide written down rather than a bunch of plans in your head.
  • Make friends with other writers! The people I’ve met through tumblr have been the best part of the whole experience. It’s tremendously helpful to have people you can bounce ideas off and honestly, yelling about ideas together is just genuinely a lot of fun.

Again, I’m very much not any kind of expert, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. Just write and enjoy yourself!

anonymous asked:

What kind of phases did Max and Rafa as children? ex. picky eater

Let’s be honest, I could talk about these kids all damn day without stopping, and it’d be very easy for me to give an answer to this that’s ridiculously excessive. So for simplicity’s sake, here are a few important Facts about the boys’ childhoods:


  • It takes around a year of living with the Lightwood-Banes before he feels comfortable enough to really have any sort of likes/dislikes/personality in general, so his habits are harder to track in the beginning
  • Goes on an intense health kick in middle school where he meticulously makes sure he eats the ‘recommended’ amount of fruits, veggies, grains, etc every single day. Lightens up by high school
  • Always keeps at least one stuffed animal with him at all times, sometimes more than one if he’s having a bad day
  • Has an irrational fear of their washing machine and dryer that crops up right around the first time he sees “The Brave Little Toaster”. Always trades chores with Max so he never has to help with the laundry
  • Cares too much about Pokemon
  • Likes getting office supplies for his birthday because they make him feel like a grown-up 
  • He and Max frequently use the office supplies to pretend they publish a successful magazine about current affairs in the Lightwood-Bane household
  • Alec leaves him a little note in his school lunchbox every day, and Rafa always leaves his own note in the lunchbox when he gives it back to Alec every evening, because he thinks it’s the polite thing to do


  • Overdoes his obsession with pirates after a year or two. Swears off pirates and becomes obsessed with dragons instead. Eventually realizes the potential of Dragon Pirates
  • Refuses to eat anything blue for the entirety of fourth grade just to be difficult
  • Once got his hands on a tub of vaseline when he was a toddler, and put all of it in his hair because he’s used to watching Magnus put product in his hair
  • Plays DnD and is Serious about it
  • Is a tiny little history nerd child who absolutely loves hearing Magnus tell him stories about the past, which he then repeats (with massive inaccuracies) to anyone who will listen - usually Rafa
  • Loves wearing skirts and dresses as a toddler and young child. Stops doing it throughout middle and high school because he doesn’t want to deal with people giving him a hard time for it
  • Tries every sport offered in school, and every type of physical training offered by the Institute. Somehow still has too much energy leftover
  • Uses “My dads could beat up your dad” Too Often

anonymous asked:

hey! I love this blog but you reblogged a thing about how it's okay for lesbians to hate men. I don't know how appropriate that is, if we hate men just because we like girls we are becoming assholes. not all men suck, some are wonderful friends and wing men and I just don't feel advocating hate is alright.... sorry for bothering you

not all lesbians hate all men obvsly, and not all men are terrible obvsly

but i support lesbians (and any women) who do hate and/or distrust men because i can understand that many women (not just lesbians) have been traumatized, abused, hurt, ridiculed, etc by men and since men have so much power in society a couple of lesbians saying they hate men doesn’t actually harm anyone

anyways i could go into a whole long rant about privilege and power and how hating men is not the same as hating women but im 2 tired for that. 

tl;dr im glad u have positive male influences in ur life and i do too but men still have enormous amts of privilege + power and often use it to hurt women so i see no issue with lesbians or any women saying they hate men.

anonymous asked:

I completely agree with at the end of the day, these fictional characters from Books, tv shows, movies, and video games are made by people and are not real. Sometimes I worry when fans get too carry away and intense when it comes to defending or despising a character actions. This is why I love your blog, because you are open minded about characters you like or dislike without going overboard.

tbh i just dont see why people feel the need to go attacking each other over this kinda mess. opinions are good and everything but dont be a dicknugget yeah?

i have opinions, many in fact, and im good to share them. but when people get so intense about it, it doesnt mesh well with my anxiety disorder really lol

i just wanna blog in peace

I’ve been researching a bit on off-grid living, since I’m interested in living in a community that is fully self-reliant, and my reason for wanting an island rather than a piece of land on the mainland is so governments would feel less need to meddle, or care less if I try to declare the community as an independent country.

I mostly want this way of life because I disagree with so many things in our society, and it just seems easier to start something from scratch than haul over an entire system.

But as I researched more I came across the horrific reality that is trying to live off grid in the usa.

Laws that are basically making it illegal to grow your own food by not putting it under the “these are excluded” list.
Making it illegal not to be hooked into the electricity and water network. People getting arrested for collecting rainwater.
People getting kicked out of their own houses because of stupid excuses like “you can’t camp on private property” or even for trespassing on your own damn land.

There might be differences based on exactly where you live, and I’ve never been to america so I don’t know that much, but…

The USA is a big player in the world. While we do often say things like “only in america” fact is that the usa sets some sort of example for the rest of the world. They control most of the money in international business still, if I understood that correctly, which means they basically have a grip of control on the rest of the world and can encourage certain laws if they really want to.

Point here is. Slowly but surely they are making it illegal to not be completely dependent on the government and the big corporations.

And while this is not happening elsewhere on earth by my knowledge, I am worried that if our governments catch wind of such control tactics working, they might just start thinking in the same direction.

All I wanted was ideas, to learn from people who have done something similar to what I might one day do. And instead I discover just how fucking corrupt “the powers that be” are.

But let us not forget that governments are meant to serve their people, and public servants (police, etc) are meant so serve their governments.

This is happening because we, the people are not claiming our power and letting others walk over us. We are the backbone of civilization. Without us it is impossible to have any kind of system at all. So don’t settle for a system -a way of life- that does not value your worth.

“land of the free” yes, that is how america started. But it has not been worthy of those words for even a single moment in my lifetime. Some might wave their flag and shout freedom, but their rulers will simply smile at the ignorance and count the millions they made from selling flags.

It may be different elsewhere, but the world is watching, America. Wherever humanity may go in the future, you will likely be the ones to kick the start and set the tone.