because i do and now its all gone

I am blocking every single person who I see calling me delusional, crazy, idiotic, and desperate. I have given this corner of the fandom so much over the past year, I’ve written metas and fix-its all because I love this community and I’ve never asked for anything in return, I’ve never fought with anyone, and I’ve never gone out of my way to engage those who viciously disagree because my followers do not deserve to see such negativity on their dashboards. I try to put my best self out here every time I come online because it is the right thing to do and I want to have fun. And now TJLCers are dragging me? Excuse me? How does anyone have the nerve to do such things, after all we’ve done for each other? I don’t care if we’re mutuals, if I see you adding negativity directed to me personally on my own posts, I will make sure you never encounter my fix-it fics or metas ever again. You can’t take a writer’s work for years for free only to criticize what you don’t like about them personally in the end. 

5

“…and now you’re gone.”

The Inheritance or Ang Pamana is a Tagalog poem written by Jose Corazon De Jesus, from which I’ve inspired this Fates AU comic from. Ang Pamana is a poem about a mother who is saying her final reminders to her child, telling him/her of all the things they will have once she’s gone. but in the end her child refuses because they will have no use for any of these riches when she is the one thing they treasure the most.

I have no idea why, but I’m in the mood for angsty family feels for Fates.

i guess i’ll have to learn to be delicate (with your heart)

Fluff Friday: November 18 “Big & Little”

Not particularly shippy. Featuring: Sakura and Kakashi, with guest appearances by Naruto, Sai, Yamato, Tsunade and Shizune. Would nod vaguely at canon if they were to pass in the street.

This is de-aged fic. Neither Sakura nor chibi!Kakashi are particularly thrilled, but Naruto thinks it’s hilarious.


Sakura’s just coming up on the end of a long, long hospital shift when she hears the commotion in the lobby. She pauses, letting her attention stray from the medical chart she’s updating to trying to decipher the noise two floors down, but the distance muffles everything to only the dull rise and flow of voices. She cocks her head, listening to no avail.

“Haruno-sensei?” the chūnin perched on the bed dares prompt.

She frowns and shakes her head, turning back to her patient. If she’s needed, Shizune will send one of the nurses to fetch her. Until then, she has work to finish.

Keep reading

You are so lucky
who went to the stars before me
but I rested longer than you.

Sometimes, I think I`m dying
of all the misunderstandings and wrong
my soul cannot comprehend,
or I cannot listen to its voice.

But you know now. You have gone
to the Stars, you know where we all
come from, you know why we came here,
or at least you know for your Self.

I miss you. I miss all the understanding.
The emotions. I miss Home. And even though
I did not know you then, I do know you Now.
I feel you, I feel comfort. I feel that you know.

I know that I need to stay here. Not because I am
needed, but because I need myself. I need myself.
When the soil is becoming more and more
difficult to walk on, I will just look up at the stars,
remember you, and remembering how
lucky you are, who went to the stars before me,
You finally came Home.

And I will come too. In my time.
In my time.


“A lucky Star Traveller”

by

Victoria // mcb

3

“Somehow none of it seems to matter when we’re in Dublin. Class and all that just fades away. I’m Mrs Branson and we get on with our lives like millions of others.”

I gotta stop posting these sketches, I be ratting over myself with these spoilers 😂

Well my laptop is gone for the weekend because an update failed and now its all buggy, so I tried to do something on traditional 😳
Here it is, Lysander and Noelani. What is their relationship? What seems to be going on? Who knows 😝!

body positivity & self love & all that but…honestly I would kill for a flat stomach. Or even just a tiny bit less fat than the one I have now.

I feel like its out of proportion to the rest of me it sticks out so much

and I know to other people it doesn’t look so bad and people don’t even notice it  like I never notice or care about other people’s stomachs - but it depresses me ever so slightly every time I look down and see it

it seems like a chubby stomach is one of the last body things that’s still not really acceptable… thick thighs, big bum etc are all great and desirable but I’ve never seen/heard of a fat stomach presented as sexy..idk.

anonymous asked:

What animals do you work with at your job? Do you have an area that you absolutely hate to work in? Do you like one area more than the others?

i work with a ton of different animals. none of them are particularly exotic. most of the education ambassadors are mostly domestics and common pet animals. my training charges are the most unique: tamandua, guinea fowl, and now a peacock haha also the rhino kind of, but i dont work with them all that consistently or shape new behaviors

i dont really have different areas to work in, i mostly am just around my office and the classrooms and tour spots. we do have different programs and i actually like all of them!! outreaches are my least favorite i guess because they involve taking animals out to a location, like a school, and that means more prepwork. plus there is travel time, so by the time i get back the whole day feels like its gone!! and there are always so many things to do. my most favorite are behind the scenes tours because i love to teach people about how zoos care for animals both in human care and in the global community. it gets people to appreciate zoos more.

tony is a modern oracle of delphi, the modern cassandra. he’s taken up the mantle of apollo’s cursed love- then and now and always. he sees the future all to clearly and can do nothing because he sees too many. and when he sees the one and declares its imminence, there are only jeers and disbelief. no one but his creations and his closest believe his prophecies- not until it has been and gone and people are left to stand in the rubble of its aftermath.

they remember and cry out to him, asking why and he says they do not believe him. they never believe him. and will always never as long as he lives because they always forget and only remember when the fires die and all that is left are ashes.

tony is the oracle of delphi and he is cassandra. the ignored seer- then and now and always.

Thanks TUMBLR

3 years, 3 years I’ve wrote reviews and posted them here. Then Saturday you terminate my blog because apparently;

‘ the majority of the reblogs on your blog have malicious code hidden in the caption section or deceptive redirections in the click-through links.’

So that’s it then. They’re all gone and I can’t get them back.
Thing is that page almost never reblogged and all external links went to official sites for the companies that made or sold the games themselves. 

Honestly I don’t know what to do about this and its somewhat heartbreaking. I have no idea where to go to post my reviews now.

anonymous asked:

You said once about how one of your symptoms is sometimes "stealing" other identities.. so, I have BPD too and I think I do that a lot and I'm not really sure if I was me in any point for some years now. Anyway, I'm studying politics in university, and it's really not what I want to do. But I've gone through different professions in the last couple of years and I've been realizing that they are all dreams of some friend.. Do you ever know when you're you? And how please. I'm so confused

im sorry to hear this is something you struggle with because its really confusing and not knowing who you are is a really difficult thing to have to deal with :(
for me personally, i dont think i ever know who i am; its called an unstable sense of self-image. and thats why i (we, as borderlines) adopt the interests, habits and quirks of our friends, because… we dont have ANYTHING we can identify as ‘ours’.
however, i dont always realise (and i assume others dont either) when we’ve ‘stolen’ a trait, i dont think its a conscious decision at all.
if youre worried because you dont know when youre you, its okay, i dont think any of us do. taking other people’s traits is just a coping method, and as much as it gets in the way and can essentially make you miserable, its not your FAULT you do that and just because you cant see your personality doesnt mean you dont have one !!!!
maybe you could try asking a close friend who they thought you were, and what your personality is if you think it would reassure you? i often ask people like my mum this question, people close to you can often give a good and genuine answer.

im sorry this is SUCH a long reply but i really hope it made sense and actually helped you !!

it can be truly overwhelming
you know
all the lives we’re not living
all the paths we’re not taking
and the suffocating reality
of the ticking clock
and its irreversible motion
ever forward we
must move unyieldingly
facing life with unbroken breath
or we may miss a moment
in the ice rink of living because
you will slip any second now and it’s
over
the lights go black and you are
gone
so how do you possibly accept this
tyranny of time
so vast and yet so inexplicably
irreversible and you are at its whim;
a bet I am unwilling to take
a stake so high I can’t possibly fathom
a fully lit life so
let’s take every path for
if you don’t know where you
want to go,
“then,” said the cat,
“it doesn’t matter.”

- Ashley Dun

Throwback to 12 years ago, when mom had no gray hair (she still doesn’t, but she claims she does), when my physical appearance began its journey to queer-dom (still on that road, it’s fun as hell), and when you still wanted to play games with me despite my attempts to shoo you away (and now the tables have turned because all I wanna do is hang out with you now).

Who’d have thought I’d come back to this moment twelve years later?

Sixteen? Already? Shit, where has the time gone?

There are nights when I go to bed and I see the talkative kid that got out of breath mid-sentence because you spoke way too much way too fast. In the morning, I wake to an eloquent young lady that doesn’t need the world to tell her how to do things. There are moments when I wish you didn’t have everything so put together because I know you didn’t have much time to figure out how to do so.

But you did, and Jesus Christ, am I proud of you.

We had to grow up really fast, I know, and I’m sorry you didn’t get the greatest childhood. If I could, I’d go back in time to fix it all, so that you had enough time to learn that you don’t have to be so strong and steady all the time. I’d go back in time to help you understand that it’s okay to fall apart. I’d go back in time and be the person you have always been for me.

And even though eight years stand between me and you, your resilience has proved to me that you are so much wiser beyond your years. You have silenced my screaming demons, you’ve held me when I was alone, you’ve wiped away my countless tears. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were the older sibling.

I’m sorry you’ve had to be the protective one. That should’ve been me, but I never had the strength to do it. I’m sorry you never had the chance to really be a kid. I’m sorry this is what life’s become.

But God, I’m so thankful that you’re so understanding and patient. I’m relieved to see that you haven’t grown bitter and angry. I’m happy that you’re content with what little we have. Thank you for being so incredible.

I can’t wait to see what life has in store for you. The valedictorian of your graduating class, a multi-lingual Harvard (or my alma mater! I mean, no big deal if you don’t wanna be a Lion, but fingers crossed. I already paved the way for you over there, dude, so you’re welcome) hopeful, an aspiring astrophysicist (or geneticist – man, mom is super proud of us, lmao). You’re a beautiful ballerina, a brilliant pianist, and an inspiring writer. You’re so kind, sincere, and caring. I’ve never been so proud of anything in this world.

Thank you for being my reason to exist. It’s been such a pleasure watching you blossom into the amazing human you are today. Here’s to your blindingly bright tomorrow.

I love you to the moon.

Happy Birthday, Ron.

Ad infinitum et ultra,

Clark

A letter to a friend

I found this letter I wrote to a friend some time ago. And for some reasons that I don’t want to elaborate on, I want to share it here as well.

Hey, G!

Isn’t life in general about being lost? We don’t know what will be next year, next week, tomorrow… we don’t even know what will be in the next minute or second. And the past… well, it has passed. It’s gone.

All we have is the present. That single moment we are in right

*now*

At least that’s how I see it. Enjoy each moment. Enjoy *this* moment. Spend each moment consciously. Cherish each moment, try to live life at its fullest.

Should we worry about the future? I think not. Because we can’t change it anyway.
Well… we can, but we can’t control what exactly we change. We can decide to do things or not to do things, but we will never know what this will cause. Sometimes the most stupid decisions can lead to the most wonderful results. Sometimes the most rational and “good” decisions lead to misery.
Yes, there are some paths that help us to reach what we want to achieve and which are even necessary  (like getting an education) and we have to battle through.
But only and exclusively looking for the future will lead to nowhere. I’ve seen that a lot. People wasting their life, feeling unsatisfied for 20, 30, 40 years. And then? Having a couple of good years? Maybe. Maybe not.
I don’t say, do everything you want to do *NOW*. I only say, try to find out what you love, what you need, and spend a good amount of time doing that as well. And don’t listen to others, what *they* say you should do with your free time. Enjoy the moments. If you love watching people: Do that. If you love taking pictures: Do that. If you love to read: Read.
But do *something*. Do something you love doing.
There are so many things we *have* to do. And we forget so much about what we *should* do: Taking care of ourselves. We are all we have. So let’s be good to ourselves :)
I had to find that out the hard way by seeing my parents, my sisters, friends, and by looking at myself. As long as we do not harm others by our actions, all is fine :) All is fine. But we have to stay true to ourselves. And to do so, we have to find ourselves first.

Yes, G, we all are lost. That’s why we have to realize that the only anchor we have are we ourselves.
Sometimes we need other people. Well, I do! But since we cannot control what will happen anyway, who will stay or who will leave, we better realize that the only constant thing in our lives are we.

That is not selfish. That is life :)

- Letter to a friend

Classic and EU Who Appreciation Week - Day 6: Favourite Scene 

History sometimes gives us a terrible shock, and that is because we don’t quite fully understand. Why should we? After all, we’re too small to realise its final pattern. Therefore don’t try and judge it from where you stand. I was right to do as I did. Yes, that I firmly believe… And now, they’re all gone. All gone. None of them could understand. Not even my little Susan. Or Vicki. And as for Barbara and Chatterton — Chesterton — they were all too impatient to get back to their own time. And now, Steven. Perhaps I should go home. Back to my own planet. But I can’t… I can’t…

I haven’t written anything for any of my other appreciation posts this week but I just wanted to say a little something about why I chose this scene. Even though we can’t watch it, the audio alone lets us know that Hartnell is absolutely acting his heart out. These beautifully written lines are delivered with such emotion and we can only hope that one day we’ll be able to see the performance that accompanied the words. The speech itself is so revealing about the First Doctor’s character development, how he has softened from someone so opposed to human company to someone lamenting their departure. What he says about history giving us a shock harks back to serials such as The Aztecs and can still be seen in modern stories like The Fires of Pompeii. It’s such a wonderful window into how the Doctor sees the universe and a reflection back to those who have accompanied his on his travels, and by the end of the speech it’s impossible not to share the loneliness and helplessness expressed in his final broken “I can’t”.

Unexpected downside of directing:

You can’t get sick during the rehearsal process. At all. Because unless you’re doing music, fight, or dance, you can’t rehearse. Which is inconvenient because running a rehearsal while sick is fucking HARD.

anonymous asked:

theres not quite enough space in an ask to fit what i want to write can you please read it here?? (freetexthost(.)com(/)noukpbd1a1) its okay if youre uncomfy with opening the link. theres nothing particularly upsetting but theres about 3 asks worth of text. i just want to know if what im experiencing in anything similar to an actual separate personality, because imvery bad at understanding other peoples definitions of things. thank you if you have any advice at all!

Throwing this under a cut for length!


can you tell me if this is a seperate personailty? a series of intrusive thoughts? an entirely different person? an imaginary enemy?
whatever it is, it has interpretable feelings, it comes and goes, and it has a terrible sense of humor. it might be gone now. its definitely not doing anything. i cant feel it. i know what it looks like, what its name is, how to make it come out, how it feels to be it. all it has the ability to do is make me feel like it, and to tell me how it feels about something without words. it cant control me, or its never tried. i know its egotistical, narcissistic, and it wants to intimidate me into accepting it. i used to think it was an ID, something like that. i had no idea what an ID was at the time. i would type and say what it made me feel, and i felt like her when i did but she wasnt in control. every time i considered getting rid of it, it got so angry and felt so strong. eventually i spent ten minutes, or a whole day, (it felt quicker when it was over) completely ignoring it while it screamed inaudible feelings at me. and it seemed to go away. but i know its not gone because whenever i see a picture of it i still get those feelings(its like i can /feel/ it smiling), and i still get angry at people insulting it and it still feel encouraged to let it back into my life.

should i let it come back? all it did was make me feel happy, but i dont know if its healthy. i dont think its a thing people will like, its a character thats outside of my experiance, and it obviously isnt a very nice thing, since it indirectly threatened me on multiple occasions. and i still dont know what it is? if its a person or if i gave a set of intrusive thoughts a personality and let it run wild? it seems to be latched onto a particular identity.

do you know what this is? your community is the only one i know of with any similar experience. attempts of talking about it to therapists came back with confusion because i couldnt explain. they said it was intrusive thoughts? but it doesnt feel like that. do you have any idea?

-

Hey, thank you for trusting me enough to send this. What you’re describing sounds more developed than intrusive thoughts. I can shoot out some ideas but the best thing to do is spend time writing about this and figure out the best way to describe it to a professional. I’m going off a limited amount of information here and can just suggest some ideas. 

My first thought is that you might have projected parts of your personality onto this this character and are using it as a coping method to keep these personality parts separate from you. I’ve noticed quite a few people with BPD/other cluster B personality disorders doing this, and that might not be the case with you, but it’s an idea. I’ve heard experiences like this being described as like a “dark side,” and this coping method can be unconscious or conscious. If this is the case, then you’ve unconsciously developed a fragment, and I believe the best course of action would be to work with a therapist to treat and kind of re-absorb this fragment. 

It could be an alter. From what you’ve described, this doesn’t meet the criteria for DID/OSDD yet, but a lot of people don’t know they have DID until later in life. Quite a few people who later go on to have DID/OSDD and weren’t aware of it earlier in life have odd experiences like yours. 

There’s a chance it’s more of a spiritual thing, rather than a psychiatric thing, but that’s not my area of expertise. You could do research into tulpas and that sort of thing if you’d like. 

The decision on whether or not to let it back into your life is yours to make, I can’t really advise you either way, but I want you to be safe and happy. Whatever makes you safe and happy is a good choice. What I recommend doing is writing about these experiences and reading them/showing them to a therapist. Look into BPD if you can, look into dissociative disorders, and if you feel as though your experiences aren’t disordered (it sounds as though they are, but these are just ideas), look into alternative explanations. 

I’m here for you if you have questions. 

2

“Remember that days, when we went to school? All the thinks whe learned and all the thinks we do together? They were a beautiful days… But that days are gone forever. I belive that maybe, in another place, in another time,in another live, we could be together and happy again.” -Chisa Yukisome.

AAAAND ANOTHER COMISSION FINISHED!! This is special, is for my friend @ministarfruit (if you don’t now her, look in her tumblr because its really cute and her art is gorgeous!).
Thanks for ask me to do this three! I hope you like it sweety~!

This is, Me.

My entire life i have been scared, scared that maybe one day i will tell someone how i feel. I’ve been scared to even accept myself, my entire life its been beaten into my head that who i am is not okay. Recently i have gone through some of the hardest times, atleast mentally. I’ve been holding back the fact that i was born into the wrong body, the incorrect gender. I feel even as i am writing this the instant regret because i hear peoples reactions. “But you are a BOY”, “You are just doing this because its cool right now”. “You are choosing to be trans”. Like these are the things i feel like people are going to think and or say. But it’s not about all of these people surrounding me, this is about who I AM. This is about not lying to myself and pretending to be something that i am NOT. I am NOT a man, I am not a boy, I cannot wait to be free. I am scared for my safety as a trans girl, I am scared of being judged everyday for the rest of my life, im scared of being an ugly girl, Im scared no one will love me. But this is me conquering my fears, standing up for myself and coming out. So let me start over and introduce myself, Hi my name is rose, I am 21 years old, I’m cute af, and i’m a nerd who plays dungeons and dragons, and also enjoys driving motorcycles and drifting cars ;). Stay tuned for lots of pictures and status updates as i continue life as myself finally!! <3 <3 For anyone reading this who is trans, or hasn’t come out or is scared to be themselves no matter what it is about, This is me saying do what makes you happy, be yourself because you are perfect <3