because i am aware you are also a fan of spn

Tips for Beginners

When typing this title, my phone autocorrected it to “Tips for Whiners” which is hilarious given the circumstances surrounding this post. However, my conscience got the best of me and I decided to title it differently even though there was peer pressure for the original title. However, not all beginners are whiners (by far) and I figured it wasn’t fair to lump people into a group. Plus, this post is meant to be far more informative and encouraging than it is critical and teasing.

New writers are always looking for help and tools to use to get their writing “out there,” wherever that is. They want to build their audience, which means gaining followers and notes on posts. They seek out help, work on their blogs, and write a lot.

However, some new writers fall into a trap of jealousy and complaining. They become frustrated, then turn their frustration into jealousy. They whine about not getting notes and followers, they complain about blogging cliques and unfair treatment, and they adopt an attitude of “Woe is me. The blogosphere is against me.”

This post is meant to be helpful to each group by providing both useful tips and reality checks. At no point do I actually mean to be hateful. Am I sassy, though? Yes. You can stop reading this post at any time, too. You can also take what works for you and throw out the rest. Nothing here is a blanket statement. 

But let’s just get on with it. ( And it is a long one)

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Read It Wednesday

Week 13 is here!! Fics from this week come from the last two weeks, so please be aware that this one is probably going to be LONG. Keep in mind that sometimes I don’t get notifications for everything I’m tagged in. If you really want me to read a fic you’ve posed, send it to me via IM and I will read it right away. Enjoy this weeks compilation!

*Little note: There are some smut fics that are left out of this. They will be included in next weeks RIW. I don’t read smut while I’m at work, and I won’t have time tonight to read them and get this up in time, so I’ve liked all smut fics I’ve been tagged in to read this weekend. I hope y’all understand!

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Unpopular Opinion? 12x14

I really, really loved this episode. 

I also REALLY love Mary, tbh, she’s painfully and beautifully human and not this perfect person/perfect mother everyone (and Dean) put on a pedestal all these years. We can’t let our love/overprotectiveness of the boys cloud our judgement on Mary who is doing her best even if we don’t agree, kthx.

Also really, really, really love Dean’s character development this episode as far as his maturity level goes and how family matters whether they make you mad and/or you agree with their choices or not. 

AND I am relieved/happy that they are emphasizing what I’ve been saying all along, the BMoL did NOTTTTTT torture Sam, TONI tortured Sam. There is a CLEAR friggin’ difference. She was a rogue just like the lame ass hunter in this episode 12x14 turned rogue. 

(Mind you this does NOT mean I trust them at all, lol, but I do think it makes Mary’s decisions and also now Sam’s decisions make complete sense to me, considering the BMoL really are offering the chance to end all monsters, I mean c’mon. They might not be completely infallible but knowledge like what Sam provided tonight in his kickass way throughout really fills in the gaps the BMoL have. They could be an epic team, tbh, but again…I’m not saying I trust them. They see things in black and white, and don’t believe in letting good monsters/witnesses live. That isn’t cool, but that does NOT make them evil by default, goddamn. It just makes them see in black and white juuuuust like John Winchester did and how Dean used to in the past.)

AND, AND this Sam at the end? His decision is completely IN CHARACTER for him to do. He’s always been a fan of doing things better/smarter/researching/strategizing. He completely takes after his grandpa Henry as far as being a true to heart Man of Letters. Plus he has worked with “enemies/people he doesn’t trust” before. Ruby, Crowley, Lucifer, and MANY MORE/others. Sam has a VERY solid history of being able to put aside both past differences and even ‘evil’ to get the mission done. Bless him.

ANYWAY, just thought I should put this out there. I absolutely ADORE S12, I love the hell out of Mary, and I’m really excited for the rest of this season and seeing where it goes. This current turn in the story line has lots of potential, especially considering Sam and Dean are gonna need alllllllll the help they can get against Lucifer and Rosemary’s Baby, I mean let’s be real here.

All of this coming from the mouth of a Sam!Girl through and through who was/is horrified over what Sam endured and went through at the hands of that fucking bitch Toni. I’m just also aware enough to know/realize that TONI does not represent the BMoL as a whole, she. went. rogue. …If people could stop lumping them together until we get canon proof, that’d be awesome. Innocent until proven guilty, ya’ll. Learn it. Live it. 

Also just… please, enough hate on Mary, goddamn, she’s HUMAN (and humans AND Winchesters make well intentioned mistakes/lie/hide things from each other all the friggin’ time), and honestly only wants to give her boys what she never could before now… A happy life. A normal life. A world free of monsters. 

….Probably won’t happen, shit will hit the fan somewhere, but stop faulting her for giving a damn enough to actively try, jeeeeeez. Don’t be mad because the show gave us a well rounded character. 

Again… All just my personal opinion. And an unpopular opinion at that (there’s so many people hating right now, it saddens me), but I just felt like I needed to throw my 2 cents in. We’re all allowed to feel differently, and I still love those of you whom I follow who don’t feel the way I do, but yeah. S12 is diamonds (especially from a Wincest standpoint, haha, it’s been so gooooooood, but that’s neither here nor there.) 


bittersamgirlclub TOP 5 PROMPT #11: TOP 5 SAM-PRAISE MOMENTS 

Making this made me feel all warm and squishy inside, there are many other little moments I could have chosen and that makes me very happy. Sometimes it feels like Sam is so underappreciated, both in fandom and in universe, so to focus on all those moments where characters talk or feel about Sam the same way we do is just wonderful.

These are not necessarily in any order, although those first two are pretty much interchangeably in first place.

  1. Marie - Fan Fiction - I just love how with three words Marie manages to sum up so much of what we all adore about Sam, those core facets of his being that make Sam so beautiful. But what I love even more is “there’s nothing he can’t do”. There’s something so powerful about that, and it’s so true on so many levels. The way in which Sam has defied destiny and other’s expectations for him, time and again. Working his way to a full ride to Stanford. Building himself a new life, not once, but twice from the ground up. Overcoming the devil. How could anyone not believe that Sam is capable of anything after reading about that! The other thing I love about Marie is that, although she exists in universe, she gives us an out of universe perspective on Sam, in that sense I find her, and her praise of Sam to be very relatable, it feels as if I am being voiced directly through the show. Of course the fact that Sam did not hear this praise saddens me, but I think it is incredibly important that Dean did hear it, to be reminded of all those things that deep down he knows, and loves about his brother.
  2. Jess - Pilot - I think its no secret how much I adore Sam/Jess and their relationship. Of course we only get tiny slivers of their life together, these fleeting moments, but ones like this especially I think illuminate their relationship perfectly. In this scene, Jess makes absolutely sure that Sam knows how proud of him she is, bringing up his LSAT score, praising how amazing it is, making sure he knows she’s serious when she says she’s proud, that she wasn’t just kidding around, that she really means its and that she believes in him. I think Jess was painfully aware of how little, if ever, Sam had been exposed to the concept of someone being proud of him and that intentionally worked to rectify that at every available opportunity (I might have written a little ficlet about this *cough*shamelessplug*cough*). We hear in ‘Phantom Traveller’ that apparently John expressed his pride in Sam to others, but clearly withheld it from Sam himself, the fact that Jess goes out of her way to ensure that Sam knows how she feels is just SO important.
  3. Mr Wyatt - After School Special - This episode in general is just EVERYTHING to me, but this moment in particular is incredibly special and I think actually instrumental in shaping Sam. I think its quite likely given Sam’s reaction to thinking the Mr Wyatt was going to fail him, that prior to this scene Sam was actually rather apathetic about school, moving from place to place, never being able to make real connections, he probably loved learning and studying but was unable to find reasons to really care about doing well when in a few days he’d be off to the next school anyway, when he saw nothing in his future but more of what his entire life had been, death and danger and loneliness. Mr Wyatt not only praised Sam’s academic abilities, but more importantly he allowed Sam to believe that there could be something beyond his current life, that he was capable of escaping that, of building something of his own.
  4. Dean - Scarecrow - I love, love, love this moment! Firstly, I’m pretty certain that this is the first time Sam has heard the words “I’m proud of you” from anyone other than Jess, look at his reaction, he’s completely at a loss for what to do or say and just taken aback entirely. What’s also important here is what Dean is praising Sam for. Dean is saying that he’s proud of Sam for the very things that go Sam disowned and dissociated from his family, for things that Dean in the past (and sadly will again in the future) had criticised Sam for. Standing up to John and forging his own way were actions that Sam had been led to believe time after time were deep and terrible betrayals and things that he should feel ashamed of, that Dean in this moment acknowledges that they are in fact great strengths and worthy of admiration is just so incredibly important.
  5. Sarah - Clip Show - I actually think this one is a little odd, because I think what Sarah is picking up on here is Sam’s determination to finish the trails and to 'right’ all the perceived wrongs he was done, to make up for all the ways he believes he’s let Dean down, and I can’t really feel that that is a positive thing. On the other hand, Sarah a) doesn’t know the context of what she’s seeing, she’s genuinely trying to and say something good about Sam b) at this point in the season people who bolster Sam in anyway, especially to his face, are so few and far between that anything along those lines is like manna in the desert….

sunflowerchester — I finally finished it! hahah…

sxldati  asked:

i'm watching spn with my mom (i'm caught up, she's seen seasons 11, 12, and 8) and we just started season 9 and she totally sympathized with dean tricking sam into being possessed and i'm honestly horrified???? like beyond shocked, beyond upset

OH MY GOSH YES. I’m sorry you had to hear that! I was talking about it with my older brother, and he said exactly the same thing! He is generally a Sam fan because he admires Sam’s intelligence and cunning, but he believed that, because Dean had “done it because he loved Sam,” it was okay and excusable.

And like… no? I mean, of course Dean was afraid. Of course he loves Sam and can hardly even entertain the thought of losing him, but those feelings don’t justify the kind of violation he forced on Sam without Sam’s knowledge or consent.

The thing is, I think a lot of people feel the way your mom and my brother do. It’s 100% about these emotional appeals. And I really do understand it. We’re wired to respond to these emotions. It’s why the asshole-with-a-tragic-past trope goes over so well and gets so much love. People just say, “Well, he was horrifically abused/locked in a basement/raised by bandits/made into a child soldier/witness to the murder of his entire clan/etc., so it’s entirely okay that he’d do these things.”

But it’s not okay. Really, what they should say is that it’s understandable. It’s completely understandable, but it’s also completely inexcusable.

I don’t blame people for thinking the way my brother and your mom think, but they are both unequivocally wrong. I understand how Dean’s emotional state contributed to his choice, but that doesn’t mean i excuse it. 

It wouldn’t sting as much, if at all, if Dean had actually acknowledged it like he did in the earlier seasons. Back then, when Sam confronted Dean about his choice to make a dangerous decision that affected Sam (and Dean), he acknowledged that it was a selfish choice he made because he didn’t want to be without Sam. But in s9, he turns all the blame on Sam.

Characters who make mistakes are complex, relatable characters, but it’s harder for me to like characters who make mistakes and then defend those mistakes and shift the blame. I’ve always wanted the show to return to the way it was in the earlier seasons, where it acknowledged how twisted up and flawed the characters were but still made watching their stories enjoyable. The narrative bias is especially apparent in the later seasons, and it’s so tiring.

alkjkljfdgjksjfkahkl anyway, I am so sorry for rambling, but yes. Stuff like that really is upsetting, but it really opened my eyes to the power of storytelling (for good and for ill). Like, what ideas did some viewers carry away from s9, I wonder? It’s amazing to watch all sorts of television that portrays all sorts of events, but I think it’s important to be a thoughtful consumer of this stuff.

anonymous asked:

I feel bad for him that so many of jensen's twitter feed after posting anything (latest jj video) is like 'destiel is real'. And when I search up Jensen ackles tag on tumblr/twitter its sometimes filled with cockles/destiel. Like dudes he's a phenomenal actor, talk about that - he's more than a ship. I am a Jared girl myself so I was not aware of this (I knew he was constantly getting harrased by these shippers) but this is unfair to him

I’ve been saying for at least 6 years that Misha/Cas has been the worst thing to happen to Jensen and his career.  But now I think it’s more accurate to say that Misha/Cas is the worst thing to happen to us, the Dean girls and Jensen fans, because we’re the ones experiencing the destihellers’ vile behaviors. Actors are mostly insulated from the fandom drama and Jensen’s acting talent, his high Q score, and stellar professionalism will ensure his career longevity.  The destihellers’ slandering Jensen as a homophobe was only a hiccup, soon forgottened by the fandom and never known by the general audience.

Honestly I evny SamJared girls like you because you don’t have to experience the shitdom created by the destiehellers.  I know several Dean/Jensen girls that have not been to the Dean or Jensen tags in YEARS because of the rude and inconsiderate destiel/cockle shippers.  

So thank you destiel and cockles shippers for making yourself the most hated shippers not only in the SPN fandom but also in the Star Trek, Avenger, Sherlock, Thor, Loki, and Captain America fandom.

Out of the Shadows (Part-II)

A/N: So this is the Part-II and the Final part of Out of the shadows (part I)” because I somehow felt that the Readers journey of finding herself is not complete. I hope you guys have as much fun reading it as I had writing it. :)

Dean X Reader

Word Count: 1,383

Warning: Mention of abuse, graphic, angst and Dean fluff.

Readers POV


Originally posted by dean-imagines

“So what do you wanna do?”, Dean asks as he pulls off the highway and parks the car around some undergrowth.

The place is not immediately visible from the road- no one would notice you if you were up to some  kind of mischief. However, it wasn’t so far off the highway either than one couldn’t run for help if things got uncomfortable.

You had agreed for the drive with Dean on an impulse, but you were never one of those girls who just gets up one day and decides to tour Europe. You only admired that from afar, the bravery and the confidence it takes to do something like that. You were just not that girl and it was slowly starting to dawn upon you that while he could have picked any of those busty, hip swaying girls from the bar, he had asked you. You couldn’t understand why!

In the close proximity of the dark interiors of the car, your heartbeat starts to quicken. Girls didn’t just get picked up by random strangers in a bar for nothing. you were not that naive. What if he wanted something more, what were you going to do? You weren’t ready yet, but looking at him your stomach is doing a somersault routine. You just can’t stop looking at him, his lips, his hair and the line of his jaw.. he could kill someone with it. At that point, you wanted nothing more than to run your tongue along it.

Oh my! The intensity of your own thoughts takes you by surprise. What is happening to me?

Dean meanwhile is crooning along an AC/DC song, softly, just to himself with eyes on the road and that crooked smile playing across his lips. The silence on his part isn’t awkward, instead you pace your breaths to the rhythm of his smooth voice as he sings. He has the deepest and sweetest voice. He might look like the hero out of a gangster movie but there was something genuine about him.

“I don’t know”, you nervously tuck your hair behind your ears looking down.

“Why don’t you start with what you do Y/N?” his eyes are soft

“M-me? I am a teacher. I teach kindergarten” you say, not knowing what he will make out of it.

His features light up, “Oh, that’s great. Me and Sammy had this really cool teacher when I was in the 5th grade and she was frickin’ awesome.”


“Oh, Sammy’s my younger brother. We are in town for work. He didn’t want to come to the bar, the nerd’s probably researching something in the motel room.” He gets animated talking about this Sammy.

You smile with him. You can surmise that he really loves his little brother.

Dean seems to be in no hurry to rush things up, chatting about how his school teacher used to bring cookies for him and Sam because they never had a lunch box. That little detail gets you thinking, why did they have no lunch boxes? And why hadn’t Dean mentioned anything about his parents? You didn’t want to pry though.

“.. he probably would be asleep by now", Dean was still talking, suddenly he looks at you, taking your hand “But I am glad he didn’t accompany me tonight.”

You gulp and not necessarily out of nervousness.

Dean leans forward, asking for permission. Oh he is a gentleman, all right!

What the hell, I am not going to let an asshole keep me from living my life, I am not scared of Mike anymore.

You lean into him, taking in the smell of leather and pine as he touches his lips to yours. He deepens the kiss and his hands pull you closer, while you take hold of his arms to steady yourself. You had forgotten that love can be so tender and oh so sweet. The pure bliss of the moment overwhelms you as tears spill over and you have to strengthen your hold on his arms to keep yourself from losing it. Dean immediately reciprocates and pulls you closer. You wince.

Instantly he drops his hands and pulls away to look at you.

“Y/N! Good God. What did I do? I am sorry.. if that’s not what you wanted.. you just had to say. I-I would have stopped..”, Dean looks horrified, misunderstanding your tears.

“No-no, it’s not that”, you are quick to tell him. “It’s just, it still hurts from the last time.”

Dean looks confused at first. It’s dark inside the car, he obviously can’t see your neck well enough to see the pale bruises. However as it slowly dawns on him, his horrified expression quickly changes to anger, no-fury.

“Oh, that son of a bitch. I am going to hunt his ass down”, Dean yells, his voice is menacing.

You place your hand on his and he instantly looks down at it.

“Dean, it’s all right. He already got what he deserves, besides it doesn’t hurt so much anymore.” you say, trying to calm him and silently urging him to look up.

When he finally does, he looks pained. “Can I see how bad it is?” he asks softly.

“Yes”, your voice is solemn and your own boldness shocks you. You had agreed to come with Dean on a whim but this was starting to feel more and more right with every passing second. You turn around, your back facing him.

You catch your breath as you feel him lifting the hem of your blouse, hyper aware of the brush of the soft fabric over your skin. You hear his breath hitch as the blouse reaches right up to your neck.

He doesn’t say anything and you suddenly start to panic. Does he think you are weak for putting up with all that? You definitely don’t look your attractive best with all the scars and bruises. What were you thinking allowing him to see them, he is going to be so damn disgusted with you now.

You feel a slight pressure on your back, like the brush of a feather and you gasp when you realise what it is. Dean was blowing feather light kisses over the black and blue pattern etched into your back. Your eyes start to sparkle as fresh tears cloud your vision. How could you have not known that touch could be this tender? You had only known physical abuse all your life, bad childhood and worse adulthood littered with shame and guilt. So much love from a person who was practically a stranger was over-whelming, consuming and it was too much to take. You break down with your head in your hands, unable to stop the tirade of tears that’s threatening to overpower you.

In a swift movement-before you know it-you are pulled into Dean’s arms, your face buried into his shirt. This however, makes you cry even harder.

“I am sorry.. truly sorry… but I c-can’t control.. right now”, you blubber into his chest.

“Hey, hey Y/N sweetheart, it’s okay.. I am so sorry honey”, Dean’s voice catches in his throat and it makes you cry even harder.

But that is also what eventually calms you down. The pain in Dean’s voice makes you believe that you are lovable as the person you are. That you don’t have to bend around anyone or change yourself and put up with abuse. You are a person of your own who deserves to be loved and cherished.

You pull back from Dean and look into his anguished eyes.

“Thanks Dean” you say

“No Y/N..” he starts to say but you cut him off..

“Just hush a second” you continue, “Thank you for being here tonight with me. You don’t know, but you have helped me in more ways than I can explain. So, thank you for being the light and pulling me out of the shadows.”

“No Sweetheart” Dean shakes his head, “You are a light of your own, that’s why I couldn’t take my eyes off you tonight.”

A slow blush creeps up your skin at his words and in a moment of unprecedented happiness, you crush your lips to his and pull him close. Dean reciprocates instinctively, gently but firmly pulling you closer. That’s when you know that you are going to be fine, the knot of darkness in your heart dissolves into nothingness as you lose yourself into the pure paradise that is Dean Winchester.

Tags below:

@d-s-winchester (lore library), @supernatural-jackles (Fan fic friday), @chaos-and-the-calm67 (because I love you), @coyotesmate (I love you too and you are part of the reason I wrote this)

Other imagines here

A/N (Part II): Feedback? Yes!! YASSS Please!!!

Request - I honestly can not tell you enough how great of a writer you are, like honestly Im really picky abut fan fiction ESPECIALLY when it comes to Spn but you my friend are a gift, and I love you. Soooo anyway if you need a request a cute one with Samandriel please? Where idk he is really clumsy around you cause he likes you so much its obvious but your oblivious because you dont understand why anyone would like you? :)

(For waytoomanyobsessions (thank you for the sweet words, by the way!) Hope you like it, and that it suffices because I’m a bit stressed at the moment xx)

Samandriel watched as you hummed while organizing all of the research that you and the boys had put together, not realizing that he was standing behind you. His bright blue eyes were alight at the scene of your contentment and a small but delighted smile garnished his lips; he had been so caught up in the sight of you that he jumped at the same time as you did when you turned around, startled.

“I apologize,” the angel told you meekly, a mild blush blooming like roses on his pale cheeks. “I can assure you that I did not mean to frighten you in any way.”

You giggled, and the flush creeping its way over his skin grew deeper at the musical and dainty sound. “I know you didn’t, Samandriel; don’t worry about it.”

His smile became wider as his name slipped through your mouth, and was silent for a few seconds before realizing that he was just standing in front of you, doing nothing. “I am sorry; may I be of any assistance to you?”

You didn’t notice him fidgeting with the red and white striped shirt that his vessel was wearing, even though he instantly stopped as he became aware of what he was doing and that you might be able to note the act of nervousness. “Actually, yes; would you mind just help me just put all of these documents and papers in order?”

He nodded wordlessly, worried that his voice would give away his edginess, before standing at your side and trying to keep his focus on his work while being conscious of the fact that your arms kept brushing against each other. Your touch gave him the same spark of happiness every time his skin made contact with yours, and kept telling himself that it was so absurd that he got so worked up over it. You didn’t notice his internal battle with himself, though, and just admired him as subtly as you could; he was too busy in his own conflict to discern your gaze.

You observed his beautiful azure irises as they roved over the paperwork, just barely missing the slight panic that the clear ponds were being darkened by, and sighed softly enough that he couldn’t hear the low exhale of breath. Even though you were better at hiding your feelings for him than he was, you still couldn’t help but become a bit embarrassed when you could hear your own pulse inside of your ears. It didn’t matter, though, because you knew that nothing was going to happen between you and the angel; there was no reason for him to return your affections anyway, making it a lost cause from the very start.

The two of you were pulled out of your trains of thought when you reached for the same document, and your hands grazed each other’s; Samandriel pulled away as quickly as he could, a bit too fast, though, for his sudden movement caused him to knock one of the stacks of research to the ground. You were bewildered at his clumsiness, because you had never seen a divine being move so briskly and do something like that before. He instantly dropped to the floor, scrambling to pick up the papers with some still fluttering in the air and you joined him, surprising him when you tapped his shoulder lightly; the small touch made emotions swell up into a wave inside of him, not able to come back down.

“Hey,” you started, just sensing the nervousness that had been ruling him the whole time. “What’s wrong—”

Samandriel broke into your question as he gently brought his lips to yours, your eyes widening in shock as his action registered in your mind. He hesitantly disconnected his mouth from the kiss, also seeming a bit surprised at himself.

“My apologies,” he whispered, looking away from you. “I did not mean for that to occur.”

“I’m glad that it did,” you admitted shyly and he faced you again, but became concerned when he saw your uncertainty. “But I have to ask…why?”

“Why, what?”

Your voice dropped to a bashful murmur. “Why you even did that. You cannot possibly have feelings for me; that just sounds silly.”

His face grew unbelievably tender, and he overcame his anxious state as he took your hand in his. “Do you not understand, Y/N? I find more pleasure in your voice than in the choir of stars that sing during the night, and your beauty radiates from inside and out; you are the most incredible being that I have come into contact with in my experience on Earth.”

“…I-I don’t know what to say,” you breathed, crimson making its way through your face. Samandriel skimmed the path of your blush as it spread with his fingertips, his expression no longer having a trace of uneasiness and now just completely filled with bliss.

“You do not have to say anything,” he replied, before putting his mouth sweetly on yours once again.

Knight in shining armor - Dean Winchester x Reader (Knight/Princess AU)

Title: Knight in shining armor

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Word count: 2,737

Warnings: None

Original imagine: AU. Imagine being a princess and falling in love with one of your father’s knights, Dean Winchester, although you are forbidden to.

A/N:  Alright, so in the beginning I was really excited about this one but now I’m really nervous and unsure. Please, I really want to know your opinion about this and if you’d be interested in more! It’s really important for me! I really wanna know if you want more and/or what you think if you don’t have a problem!

The constant knocking on your door made you groan in frustration. You covered your head with the blankets but no change was made nonetheless. The knocking only continued and you found yourself cursing under your breath at whoever it was- Well, you had a pretty good idea as to who it was but that did not make you want to open the door anyway.

“My princess, it’s time for you to get up” yep and sure as hell you heard Anna’s, rather cheerful (considering the time of the day), voice say from the other side of the door.

With another groan you pulled the covers off your head and glared daggers at the still closed door. It was still closed and Anna had not entered yet because you had told her so a while ago. Many times for that matter. She had this tendency, like every other maid in the castle, to just barge in after a few knocks and pull the curtains open to let the light get in even if you still were asleep. She had done this many times before and every time you were grumpy for the rest of the day just because you had been woken up abruptly. After a while you’ve had enough and told her that if she wanted to get into your room then she should wait for you to tell her so.

“Come in Anna” you said, running a hand through your hair to comb them just a little bit.

Without even-so-waiting for you to tell her a second time she opened the door and came inside in a rush, a few more maids accompanying her as usual. And, as expected, she immediately made you get up and they all started treating you like the princess you were.


When you were younger you clearly remember longing for all of this, or well sort of. You longed for the big fluffy dresses, the tiaras, the balls and dancing there with a prince. It all seemed so perfect in your childlike eyes and up to a point they were. But you actually got to realize there was a bitter part to all of these. Being the princess - the only one at that, since your were the king’s and queen’s only child - had its perks but it definitely had its downsides as well. There were moments that you felt as if you were being suppressed or where under restriction. That you could not be who you wanted to, that you were not free or allowed to express yourself openly. You found yourself all the time following some sort of rule that in your opinion was actually stupid.

Being the kingdom’s only princess also meant that everybody else had high expectations of you and that actually was something that scared you. You never thought that you were good enough and you always believed that you were going to end up disappointing them. Sure you wanted some day to be a great queen, just like your mother, but you always felt that you were going to do something and screw it all up. It scared you and you were actually afraid to even admit it. Everybody just expected you to take up after your parents and actually be as good as them but you knew that no matter how much you tried you were not going to, because, simply, you were not them. You were justyou.


That was a title you had come to loath at some point of your life. You found it hard, almost impossible, to cope with all of the ‘must’s and 'must not’s. How could you? It was hard as it was to be in the royal family but at the same time being a princess  - the only one let’s not forget - was much harder. You remember your childhood being normal, as much as it could be with having five servants all to yourself - what kind of normal kid did? But when you started getting older that’s when the problems began. Not only when you could not see eye to eye with your father, no. You were not going to deny that you usually argued for some matters but you knew that he cared for you and loved you just like you did. But it was also your behavior at times that caused trouble.

It was - as your father would usually say - inappropriate for you to behave like some common girl when you were a princess. Who could blame you, though? All those rules and restrictions got on your nerves at some point. There were moments that you felt as if you could not breath.

Like now for example.

“Ow” you groaned and huffed as one of the maids tightened even more - if possible - the corset around you.

“My apologies, princess” she murmured.

“No, it’s ok. Just- just loosen it up a little bit. I can’t breath” you managed to say and immediately let out a sigh of relief as you felt her do as you told her.

“A lot better” you breathed out.

“You came earlier today” you noted as the maids helped you put your dress on.

“Yes, well the queen asked for you to get up earlier because she wanted to talk with you” Anna was quick to reply.

“Mom? Why? Did she tell you what it was about?” you frowned at her words.

“No, princess. But she told me to escort you to her once you were ready because she had something very important to tell you. I do not know any more details, though. She said that you will discuss that over breakfast” she said and you gave her a small nod.

“It’s probably about dad’s return” you muttered.

“It could probably be. Our king has been gone for over a year now. You must miss him” she said and you nodded at her words again.

“Yeah” you said with a small smile.

It was true that your father was gone for over a year now. He was in France fighting to take over some places there. You didn’t know much, other than the fact that he was actually helping a friend of his. In the beginning it was supposed to be just a few battles but it soon turned into a war and your dad had to stay there longer than needed. He would send you letters, that of course came to you later than he had written them, and let you know how he was but neither you nor your mother would stop worrying about him. He had his knights with him, the most skillful ones and the ones that you knew would protect him with their own lives, but you couldn’t help the worry that itched inside you when you got to think where he was.

When the letter of him telling you that they had succeeded in winning came to you, you felt a huge weight lift off your shoulders. He was your father and you loved him, no matter what.

The letter had come to you just a week ago as he - and you - had guessed he would be back by today. That did not only mean that you would to see him again - you were definitely happy about that - but that you would also have to help your mother in the organization of the celebration in favor of their victory. Well, at least it wouldn’t be a ball that you would have to attend either you wanted or not. Sure they were fun sometimes but after a point they just got boring. Therefore you were happy to know that the 'feast’ your mother was talking about was a luxurious meal for the royal members of the family and of course your father’s most trusted knights - that were the ones that were always by his side as well.

“Alright, we’re done princess” Anna said with a smile and looking at yourself in the mirror you gave her a small approving nod.

“We better get going. Don’t want the queen waiting for long” she said again and you only gave her a small nod as you made your way to the door.

After giving a few instructions to the rest of the maids on cleaning your room she came to you and you both made your way the King’s and Queen’s royal chambers.


“Would you like anything else, my Queen?” the older maid asked, bowing respectively in front of your mother.

“No, no everything is fine. I don’t want to tire you anymore” your mother replied with a smile.

“Oh but you are not tiring me my queen. It is my pleasure to serve you. It has always been.” she replied ever so kindly. And it was the truth. All of the servants - well, at least most of them - loved you parents, your mother most, because they were not like other kings and queens. They were both thoughtful of their well-beings and cared about them despite the fact that they were just their servants.

“I know, dear. But I believe it is time for you to relax for a little bit. Do not worry, I am going to be fine.” your mother said and with a final smile and bow she, along with the rest of the maids, were out of the room.

Leaving just you and your mother alone.

You let out a small sigh of relief once everybody was out of the room and relaxed. Your body was stiff and straight just a few moments ago but now that it was just you and your mother you knew that you did not have to pretend.

“So what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” you asked as you both took a seat on the chairs next to the table that had been set up for the two of you on the balcony for your breakfast.

“Is it about dad coming back today? Is something wrong with the preparations we did?” you asked again and she shook her head.

“No, no. It’s not that. Everything is alright and set up for your father’s arrival. It’s just…” she trailed off, looking down at her food.

“Mom? What is it? Did something happen?”

“No, no dear. It’s just that… it’s your birthday’s in two weeks.” she said and you gave her a reluctant nod.

“Yes, I am very much aware of that. I just don’t understand what your point is”

“Well, my point is that- Honey, you become 23 in just a couple days and…” she trailed off once again.

“And?” you asked.

“And you have yet to find a prince to marry” she said and you immediately groaned.

“Not you too, mom”

“I know, I know and I’m sorry dear. I know I sound like your father but don’t you think it is time for you to find a prince and have a family? The normal is for you to be married at your 19th birthday yet we’ve put off that wedding for a long time” she said voice-ever-so-calm.

“Well, yes that is the norm but I’ve told you mom. I don’t want to marry someone just because that’s what you or everybody else expects me to do. I want to get married to someone that I will love. To someone that I will know well before I take the decision to spend the rest of my life with. Because I actually want to be happy. And, yes, I know that when you were my age you already were married to dad, in love and happy but don’t forget that you knew him for a long while before you got married and had feelings for him. Don’t expect me now to just say yes to marrying someone just because that’s what I am expected to do” you said and let out a sigh.

“Oh I know, honey. And I absolutely support you. That’s why I’m not forcing someone on you. I was just saying. Your father and I are getting older and older with each day passing. Soon we won’t be able to rule the kingdom as we did and you will have to take over. You need a man by your side to do so in the right way” she put a comforting hand on top of yours.

“I know mom, but please- I- I don’t want to talk about it. Not until I know that there is someone that I have feelings for- that I truly love.” you muttered and after giving you a silent nod you both proceeded to eat your breakfast in peace.

A peace that did not last long and was soon broken by the trumpets being heard.

“The King, my ladies! The King has returned!” one of the messengers came quickly through the door and straight to you.

“Dad” you breathed out with a smile.

An even bigger one appeared on your mother’s face as you both quickly got up and rushed out of the room. You rushed down the corridors and ran down the marble stairs to make your way as fast as possible towards him. And of course having picked up your rather long dresses to not trip over.

You both ran as fast as you could towards the now opened big doors of he castle to see the cheering crowd outside, clapping at your father and the rest of his soldiers as they walked through them on top of their horses. Your father on top of his white one stood out as he was on the front, in between two of his, as you guessed, most trusted knights. A bright smile was on his face as he waved at the cheering crowd, big smiles were on their faces as well. You couldn’t help but smile and giggle just slightly, clapping along with the rest of them, in a way of trying to congratulate your father and the rest of his soldiers for making it out not only alive but victorious as well.

Your eyes were focused on your father for a long while, as much as you could see him because he was still quite far away but the more close they all got the more clearly you could see him… and the person next to him.

He had his head bowed in the beginning but you could see a smile playing on his lips. It only got bigger as, once he looked up and around the crowd, he looked ahead of him and right at you. The grin disappeared and in its place you saw a much softer one, not the playful one that was before. He was certainly something unique, you had never seen a man like him before and that said something with all the princess your parents had brought over to you to meet while trying to get you married to one of them. They could not compare to this man. Not even in the slightest bit. His eyes held something in them that you wanted more than anything to be able to know. He looked broken but at the same time you could see a surprisingly interesting and captivating glint in his eyes that just made you want to know him more. There was something about the way he carried himself- or well, the way he stood on top of his horse.

The closer he got the more you got to study his features. Short, dirty blond and slightly spiky hair, strong jaw and full lips. Skin slightly tanned, a few wounds visible and a little dirt as well but you guessed it was just because he had not had time to clean properly. His green eyes were the ones that managed to capture your attention. Staring so intensely into yours that it felt as if he was trying to read you. A look of awe was on his face as if he was looking something that he had never seen before and truly found astounding. The thing was, he was looking at you.

And it did something to you that had never happened before. He made your heart skip a beat. Your breath hitched on your throat as you felt yourself captivated by the stranger’s (at least to you) gaze. No, you were actually captivated by… him.

Well, this was definitely something new.

Part 2

You may or may not have noticed that there’s been a lack of content on my blog in the past couple weeks…well, there’s a big reason for that. I’ve been doing a lot of reflection on the current state of my life and the direction I want to be heading towards—something over which I’ve been at war with myself for a long while now—and although I don’t envision myself detaching entirely from the Tumblr community, I think the time’s come where I need to move on from Supernatural.

My decision has nothing to do with the show, the actors, or the fandom in of itself. I’ve been lucky enough to avoid negativity/hate for the most part, and I’ve met some pretty darn amazing people because of Supernatural, fans and actors alike. I’ll always hold those experiences close to my heart. My reason for leaving has more to do with the fact that I’ve allowed the show to have a much stronger hold on my life than what’s healthy, and I haven’t really been living because of it.

Point blank, I’m fed up with being someone who does little more than exist on this planet.

I’m an introvert. I don’t make friends easily. And when I do have relationships, they run deep. I am someone who feels emotions wholly; compassion, understanding, and sensitivity to others are among my stronger personality traits. Packaged with a predisposition to depression and anxiety, I’ve never been able to deal with change and/or loss of a relationship very well. I won’t go into the details, but after experiencing hurt, rejection and betrayal on multiple occasions, I shut down and cut myself off from others completely, and I did it by escaping to the fictional realm—because at least then, I had a sense of control. It gave me the benefit of experiencing emotions vicariously through fictional relationships but without the pain of real ones.

For a while, I was comfortable and complacent in that place. The outside world no longer mattered. But over the years, remaining in that place made me cold and callous, and whoever I used to be, whatever dreams I had for the future, were suppressed and buried. My own growth had stagnated in my emotional stasis, and I eventually realized that my life was atrophying, slipping right through my fingers. The more unfortunate matter is that I had also become stubborn, refusing to move forward and out of that place because, quite frankly, it terrified me. I knew that the moment I opened my eyes and tried to step outside of the fantasy bubble I’d created for myself, I’d be staring into this black, gaping abyss with no idea how I was ever going to pull myself out of it, especially since I didn’t know who to trust.

I’m sure there are fans who’ve dealt with similar situations far better than I, but when you look beyond the surface, it doesn’t take much to see that the SPN fandom is a largely unhappy place. There’s a lot of good that’s come out of it, too—there’s no denying that, either—and that J2M have been running campaigns to raise awareness of mental health issues and setting up a crisis network to respond to those kind of needs still completely blows my mind. But there’s a correlation here that no one seems to be willing and/or informed of the situation enough to broach: perhaps there are so many depressed people within the fandom (and fandom culture in general) because we’re looking to the medium, the characters and the actors as a way to escape an undesirable reality, and in turn, by essentially substituting the real world with an imaginary one, the depression is never truly addressed, thus propelling the downward spiral.

Granted, escapism is only a coping mechanism, not the root of the problem. I would also be remiss not to acknowledge that there are healthy forms of escapism. Sometimes we simply need a little reprieve from our daily lives, whether that be watching a movie, playing a game, reading a book, or partaking in any kind of hobby for a short while. But that’s not the type of escapism I’m talking about here; I’m talking about the type that evolves into prolonged evasion, the type that limits or prevents us from functioning in our normal lives because it’s more or less a form of addiction. And at the core of it, I think one of the main reasons why a good chunk of this fandom is so unhappy—why I’ve been so unhappy—is because some of us are looking to fulfill a deeper need that the instant gratification of fantasy cannot and will not ever come close to satisfying. You can go as far as meeting the actors and having conversations with them, but at the end of the day, they can’t give us what we’re looking for. Not really. And we likely already recognize that to some extent, but when it comes to what we feel in our hearts, because they’ve made such an impact on our lives, often there’s a longing to communicate that to them because we want to be able to return even a tiny fraction of how much they’ve touched us. Because we want to be validated. Because we want to matter. These are perfectly natural feelings to have. It’s part of what makes us human. But if you’re looking for these kind of answers in a place where your soul isn’t being fed, where parts of your life are wasting away or being destroyed instead of flourishing, then clearly it’s not the answer.

I get it. Tumblr is one of the biggest (and most effective) conduits of escapism. No one wants to think about the cold, hard truth because we come here to find a haven in temporary comforts, and the fact that we often presume people in real life would brush off our interests as a weird obsession only pushes us further into isolation. But you know what? I hate that no one talks about it. I hate that we live in the fear that we’ll be shamed for it if we do, labeled as “crazy” or “pathetic.” Because at best, outsiders don’t understand. At worst, they’re cruel. Either way, we end up stuck in that vicious cycle all over again, burying deeper and deeper until we’ve insulated ourselves from everything and everyone.

Until we feel safe.

Maybe we’re running from someone or something else. Or maybe more to the point, we’re running from ourselves. Maybe we despise our lives so much that our only escape is to rely on the happiness of two fictional characters. Because even if it’s fake, even if it’s nothing more than a distraction, it’s better than having to stare down into that void, that utter brokenness inside ourselves. You know those posts about being invested in a fictional couple’s love life more than your own? Honestly, the idea makes me want to break down in tears now because it’s so. True.

I don’t want to feel like that anymore.

In hindsight, that my Jensen and Misha op at Minncon turned out to be a bust was actually a blessing in disguise. At the time, I was inexplicably upset about it, and I tried to blame it on hormones and shrug it off. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wasn’t upset because it didn’t turn out the way I wanted; I was upset because that deeper need to connect with people and forge meaningful relationships was not being met. I was upset that I had poured so much of my thoughts and time and effort into something that I knew would never be able to reciprocate. And so I was forced to make a painful choice: continue down the same path and deny the fact that I was absolutely miserable, or muster up the courage to break free of the prison I’d created for myself and drastically change my life.

I finally picked the one that’s long been overdue.

I still think the SPN cast is full of some of the nicest people in the world, and I will eternally be grateful for Misha. Truthfully, he’s been an integral part of the catalyst that brought me to this conclusion in the first place—the example that he’s set for reaching out to others and finding ways to meet their needs woke me up, nearly literally. It reignited a passion I had for helping people on emotional levels that had been buried for years, and although I initially fought against it because I was scared of putting myself out there again, I couldn’t ignore that voice forever. I can’t really explain it other than when you know in your heart that it’s the right thing to do, you just know it (hint: it’s usually the most difficult thing to do). I knew that I wasn’t meant to be living life the way that I was; I knew that I needed to open my eyes and step outside of myself; I knew that I was meant to make a difference; I knew I was meant for more.

I’ve started by getting involved in volunteer opportunities or ways I can give to my community, but on what I hope will eventually be a much larger scale, I have a vision for the future. It’s something that will take years to build, I’m certain, but Misha’s also taught me to dream big, and I know the idea won’t let go of me until it comes to fruition. Somehow, I want to create a network that would bridge the gap for those who want to find a way out of their isolation and escapist tendencies, those who want to do more with their life than simply exist, and then provide them with the tools and motivation to work through their issues and fill the needs that would open doors for establishing and cultivating real relationships and discovering their own true passions so that they can bloom into the person that they were created to be. There are resources and support groups for people who suffer from mental illness and/or struggle with addiction, but there really isn’t anything that specifically focuses on problems related to the detrimental effects of how disconnected from society people have become. And I want people to feel like they can be more open about these kinds of struggles so that maybe there wouldn’t have to be this huge negative stigma surrounding escapism. So that maybe it wouldn’t give people an excuse to sweep it all under the rug and continue to fight a losing battle of ignoring the problem; that people would realize that escapism is a much more serious issue than it gets credit for, especially with the advance of technology and social networking sites allowing it to become much more prevalent. That it isn’t weird or pathetic at all because at the heart of it, we’re all the same. Sooner or later, we all end up dealing with an emptiness that we try to fill up. We just have different ways of doing it.

So, even though I’m bringing this post and my involvement in the SPN fandom to an end, this is really where my story is just beginning. I may eventually delete this blog and my AO3 fics, but for the time being, I’ll leave them up. I won’t be responding to any further asks/messages on this particular blog; however, if you wish to remain in contact with me, I’ll be more than happy to continue corresponding with people on my personal blog @tinfoilunicorn, which I plan on using more often again; just kindly note that I don’t really want to talk about anything SPN-related if it’s pure fangirling (if it’s important to bring up for purposes of discussing personal issues/experiences, that’s totally fine).

If I don’t talk to you, I wish you all the very best, but as my dream about Misha earlier this year oddly seemed to predict, it’s time to move forward with my life. Honestly, now that I’ve finally gotten unstuck, I don’t remember the last time I had this much joy and hope for what’s to come.

Stop Calling Hannibal Queerbaiting

I wasn’t going to make this post but I thought, “hey, what the hell” so I’m gonna do it.

I noticed that I get a LOT of people who are not in the Hannibal fandom and who don’t even watch the show trying to start random arguments with me out of nowhere about how “Hannigram isn’t canon” because “Hannigram is queerbaiting” and let me tell you I am always left in disbelief by these people especially when literally all of them begin to compare it to Destiel (don’t get me wrong, Destiel is a FAB ship, but as we know Supernatural does use a lot of queerbaiting unfortunately). Now I usually ignore most of these people, because I know the truth, I don’t need someone who doesn’t even watch the show telling me my canon ship isn’t real. Today was different. I had someone comment on a tweet I made 5 days ago that had one favorite on it to tell me that Hugh Dancy’s statement of Hannibal and Will having a “Profound” love was queerbaiting because “They use the same term in SPN and its queerbaiting” Now as you can tell this made me real salty. Do these people even know what queerbaiting is?

Queerbaiting, if you didn’t know (I’m sure most of us are aware), is the constant promise or baiting of a queer relationship with no payoff. It is an awful scheme to lure in fans of the LGBT+ community without actually giving them what they really want, and usually having the gay played-off as jokes. Queerbaiting is not Homosexual Subtext. Queerbaiting can be used as fan-service but fan-service is not necessarily queerbaiting.

So here’s the thing with Hannigram:

Hannibal is pansexual or omnisexual. Will Graham is considered heterosexual, and biromantic but is also bi-curious and influenced. Hannibal and Will are in a canon queer romance. They are canonically in love. It is not queerbaiting. When one character is sexually attracted to the other or even in love with them, there will be homosexual subtext. When it is put in to cater fans, it is fan-service, not queer-baiting. Queerbaiting would imply that it would never go canon (which it has) or that they would use the subtext to bait fans without resolution.

If we look at this from a sexual angle, Bryan claims there would be much more of the sexuality aspect of their relationship explored in a S4. Nothing about this is queerbaiting, because we are not promised something or baited with something that we aren’t going to get if the show continues. “But why didn’t we already receive it? If there is sexual subtext why was that not resolved yet?” you may ask. Because it’s about relationship development and character development. We have never been so blessed and gifted with such a slow-burn and in-depth queer romance on television as we have with Hannigram (or at least I’m not aware of any others like it). It’s not queerbaiting to have homosexual undertones that will be explored later or even left alone. Why? because subtext is bound to be apart of a relationship in which one character is sexually attracted to the other and the other is “sexually confused”. Hannibal and Will are in love, they have a romance. Both of these facts are TEXT. Not Subtext. So PLZ, especially if you don’t watch the show, stop telling me that my canon ship isn’t canon or accuse the show of queerbaiting because the relationship isn’t necessarily a sexual one. The idea that relationships have to be sexual to be canon is extremely ace-phobic.

And It’s totally fine not to like or ship Hannigram. No one has to like it. This post isn’t about the people who hate Hannigram. It’s about the people who don’t even watch the show claiming they know that it’s not real, because with all heteronormative television, and all the queerbaiting on television, and all the non-canon ships who have tons of fangirls, what else would they expect! But let me tell you, Hannibal ain’t about that life!

But even with the Hannigram aside. Don’t comment hate or negative things on harmless ship posts that have nothing to do with you at all. I know I should ignore haters, but it’s incredibly difficult not to be at least a little salty when they can be so incredibly ignorant and persistent in starting arguments.

Don’t think you know everything about a show you don’t watch and don’t think you can hate on harmless shipping posts about a ship that you know nothing about. It’s immature, disrespectful, and only makes you look ignorant. Done.

12 Days of Sabriel – Day 4

Title: 12 Days of Sabriel – Day 4
‘Showing up late to class with a Starbucks’ is not Sam’s style at all. Not showing up to class at all because the guy working at Starbucks is confusingly handsome is totally Sam’s style.
Underage Drinking (< 21 years)

Sabriel || Fluff || Height Difference || Coffee Shop AU || College AU || Sam is a Starbucks virgin || OC: Bagel || Advent Calendar Fic

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3

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12x07 - Extremely late review and meta

I know I am extremely late to the party here (and have been MIA since before the episode aired for many reasons – the big 3.0. being the main one) but here it is! My episode review and meta! I am 100% certain that every point I want to discuss has already been meta’d to death and I can’t wait to actually get back on my dash and go through it all since I have 5 days to catch up on but anyway I’ll try to sum up my thoughts as best I can. Overall I enjoyed it. I got a bit bored during the rock scenes and all the blabber about social media and the LA lifestyle and OMG they need to ease up on the establishing shots next time (we get it guys, you want us to believe that you are in LA. You did good okay? Better than you did in Hollywood Babylon anyway!) I liked the Winchester banter though and adored Cas as always. Bobo always writes well and tends to do a very good job of capturing the themes of the season. Overall it was a good episode. It wasn’t my favourite of season 12 and it wasn’t my favourite Bobo ep either (that medal goes to 9x06 every time) but I did enjoy it. 

Lets go over the main themes which are under the cut because this got loooong:

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I Bet You

Originally posted by therockwalll

Pairing: None
Word count: 670
Request: Anonymous. Sure I understand that! Thank you for writing for us! :3 So I had an idea about the reader who put a specific song for each person in they contact list. And TFW and Crowley (or other characters as you like) find out about it and making kind of a contest. (I thought about Raise Hell by Dorothy for Crowley, I am Awesome by Spose for God and Om Nom Nom by Derpy for Dean, but whatever you like) Thanks again!

You loved your phone. It was super cute, and allowed you to customize a lot of it. Your favorite part was each person had their own ring tone. Crowley’s was spot on- Raise Hell by Dorothy. Of course, half the time he called, and you’d end up singing along for part of it. For Dean you had Wrong Side of Heaven by Five Finger Death punch. It was perfect. For Chuck you had I Am Awesome by Spose. For Sammy, you had Hakuna Matata from the Lion King.  Lastly, for Cas (who never called anyway) you had Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum.

Since the person calling was never with you, they never heard their own ringtone. Dean had asked what his was once, but you refused to tell him. He threatened to call you right then, until you pointed out that unless you were out, your phone was on vibrate.

What you weren’t aware of was the little bet they had going on. Crowley wagered that you simply made them all very literal, that they’d know who was calling by the lyrics. Sam bet that you’d pick something that made you think of a funny memory with them. Cas had said that he could see you picking songs each of them liked. Chuck suggested they were songs from each of their favorite movies. Dean said he figured it was just random- that you’d just put in a song that started with the first letter of their name.

Sam was the first to find out what his was. You were out at the bar with Dean when he’d called. Dean nearly choked on his beer laughing when he’d heard it. You’d rolled your eyes and smiled. After you explained that it was because of the attitude and message, he kind of understood. However, that didn’t stop Dean from referring to Sam as ‘Simba’ now and then. You lost it when you’d walked in on Sam using the fan to make his hair move and pretending to roar. Dean was laughing so hard that he was crying. They didn’t believe you the next day until you showed them the video of them, clearly trashed, acting like a couple of overgrown kids.

A couple weeks after that, Chuck heard his. You’d misplaced your phone and yelled for someone to call it. He’d picked up his phone and hit ‘dial’. When you’d came into the room and found your phone under one of the bookshelves, he raised an eyebrow at you. “What?” You asked, acting like nothing was up.

“That’s an interesting ringtone.” He teased you.

“What? You’re GOD. You’re awesome. It works.” You shrugged, walking away and texting your friend.

He watched you walk out and shook his head.

Crowley found on a hunt. During a fight, you’d been knocked out, and hidden. Wherever you were, was warded, because he couldn’t snap to you. Him, and the boys had each gone in a different direction. As he was looking, he kept calling you, hoping by some chance that your phone wasn’t on silent, and was with you. He’d gotten lucky, and found his ringtone hysterical.

You’d given in for Dean on one of his bad nights. Nothing you were saying seemed to cheer him up, he was just…down. You’d grabbed his phone, and called your phone. A small smile had appeared- not only did he finally know the song, but the lyrics hit him. Seeing him smile was worth it.

Cas was the only one that didn’t know, but he also really didn’t mind. He was in no hurry to find out, as it didn’t affect him one way or the other. But, you felt bad that everyone else knew. So, you played it for him. “Thank you, Y/N.” He smiled. “I find that very fitting, although, I guess that means none of us won the bet.”

“What bet?”

“Over what types of songs you had used for each of us.” He said simply.

You chuckled and shook your head. “Men.”

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Sorry for maybe being late but.. I’m still going to tell you my feelings about Jibcon6. Or should I say MishaCon? Because for me this year was totally just about Misha. So I went there with not caring feelings about show. I haven’t watched spn since 10x9. I wasn’t interested. But I went there just because of Misha. That was my one and the only reason. I thought that when I see him first time at con I’d be calm. More or less. But heeeeell noooo. I was standing in a first row when he was walking to photo op room before opening ceremony and he just looked at my eyes.. I got lost. I almost cried. I understood how much I missed him. It’s been a year! C'mon. I had 3 photos with him so I’ve decided to take first one on Friday. Btw he was wearing leather jacket. Yessss. And I was wearing minion tie. He noticed it and said Nice tie! I couldn’t even say what I wanted to do with photo so he just pulled my tie over his shoulder and looked at my eyes. Again. That was soooo hot. Then we made eye contact for about 3-4 seconds but it seemed like FOREVER and I went out of the photo op room on my shaking legs. I still can’t forget the colour of his eyes after my first photo last year (and thank God). This time his eyes were a little lighter. But still deep and very beautiful. That evening I also went to cocktail party which was veeeery short. We’ll it seemed so though it was  for like 2 hours. Misha looked tired. And I couldn’t take my eyes off him all evening. He was so hot though in his leather jacket. Please wear it always! 

Second day began with m&g with Misha. I was a little bit nervous. I prepared a question for him about what he was talking about at Friday panel - Michael Jackson. Was he (or is he) his fan. It was important for me because Michael is the second light and sun in my life after Misha. So then he came in wearing his blue shirt and he was sooooo good-looking I can’t even tell you. Almost all the time I was just staring at him and trying to listen to him. And finally people were out of questions so I took my chance. I asked him if he were or maybe he is now a Michael Jackson fan because he was talking about him a little at his Friday panel. And that was important to me because I am huge MJ fan. And he was talking to me. Just me. That thought couldn’t get out of my head. Though he is not a fan or even not inspired by his charity (he actually wasn’t aware of it which was surprising for me). The whole meet thankfully wasn’t short. It was so great. I don’t regret about the money I spent on it. It totally paid off. And after meet I was crying in my hotel room because Misha is a beautiful and the greatest human being. He has to be illegal :D

The second photo. I was wearing beautiful dress and minion hat :D that was kinda funny to catch some strange stares! Hey, I’m Misha’s fan for god’s sake, that just must be normal. Actually I thought to make this photo differently.  I said (I could do it!) “let’s make two hot minions attracted to each other”. We supposed to stand apart and look to each other attractively. But he just grabbed braids of my hat and pulled to himself. I was “Oh gosh so we’re doing this okay how does it look actually I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS HAPPENING”. And that was actually hotter than the first one. I saw photo only next morning. And that’s actually my favorite one. It’s bright. And hot. And also sweet! I like it the best. 

Well… It’s time to talk about the third photo. It was the hardest one for me. I was standing in a queue and was saying to myself It’s the last photo with Misha. The. Last. You won’t  see him for like a year. Or maybe never. I tried to calm myself down at the same time but I couldn’t. I started crying. My tries not to cry were hopeless. And I had to went away from queue and let my emotions go outside. That was really sad. My eyes and nose were red. I was not looking good. But still I went to take photo. I stepped to him and say “Just give me the warmest hug”. And he did. He was so warm and calming. The photo was taken and I said to him “Thank you, Misha, for being in my life”. He squeezed my arm and looked at me with a look I can’t even explain what it means. But it was totally something meaningful. And I can’t forget it. So then I just walked out of the room and started crying again while going to my room but this time that was out loud. It’s like a big hole appeared in my soul, inside me. That was hard.

And recently I’ve decided not to go to Jib7 despite the fact that I got a sinner pass. It’s hard to realize that I’m not gonna see Misha anymore. I guess that I saw him at the airport at Monday (18th may) while standing for opening  check-in table that was kinda goodbye sign. A final goodbye. And I guess there’s no need to say that I started crying when Misha disappeared in a crowd (I’ve been seeing him for a while, gosh my heart was jumping out of my chest).

so yeah. that’s my story)


11x09 “Oh Brother Where Art Thou”
“I know you’re a warriror and your instinct is to resist. But… I can’t be resisted.”

I know this is most probably the most hated scene of the entire episode, but I need to talk about this for a moment, because it was such a pivotal point of the episode. Not only does this kiss follow up on Amara making unmistakably clear that she can - and will - pull Dean’s strings, which is a horrifying thing, because she is well aware of how very unwanted their entire bond is for Dean and that he does not want any of what is happening between them.

That being said. I think it is all kinds of interesting that right after she tells Dean that she can’t be resisted, it’s either that Dean’s soul was able to resist her or she resisted to take Dean’s soul even though she wanted to. Though of course we cannot be certain if she did not take his soul during that kiss. In any regard, I am really massively curious to know what she showed Dean during that kiss, because it seemed it was much more than just what she labeled as “peace” and “bliss”, because Dean asked “What was that?” and to me it seemed not just to mean “Why the hell did you kiss me and why the hell couldn’t I pull away?”, but was a connected to hers “a look into the future” in which they both are one.

I have talked about Dean and Amara’s “bond” as lock and key and “two halves of one whole” multiple times, so her telling Dean that one day they’d have to reunite sort of valified this headcanon for me. This was further highlighted by the way they were circling one another in this scene imo and furthermore, I think they fully intentional with Emily Swallow found someone, who resembles Jensen in a lot of ways. Or at least I think so. The same high cheekbones with the cheeks hollowing out, a similar haircolour, a similar nose shape. I found this to be most recognizable in this shot right before he tries to stab her.

And it makes sense to me they’d resemble one another, because she is in some proximity a part of him and the other way around. They’re bound, protect each other. She is Dean’s female, darker half and as I have spoken way too often in relation to Charlie and Dark!Charlie one can’t be without the other. How did Marie say in 11x05 “Fan Fiction”? Ah yes, “In the second act Dean becomes a woman for some time” as @sleepsintheimpala had also noted. Not the only parallels and callback to that eoisode though. Essentially as @lost-shoe had speculated Dean may be the scarecrow to Amara’s Calliope…


Oh, just remembered something else I wanted to say here. The way this scene connected to the following was really unsettling and does not bode well for Dean at all, because if I remember right the kiss was followed by a shot of hell with tons of skeletons on the ground, which reminded a great deal of the starting scene when Amara kills the group of bible enthusiasts.

I’ve been noticing a lot of people losing hope for canon destiel, especially after last week’s episode because if the lack of interaction between Dean and Cas. Of course I have no idea if destiel will ever be canonized, but there’s enough subtext in the show that I’m leaning toward yes, even after 10x14, and here’s why.

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An Open Letter To Eric Kripke

As we venture deeper into Season 10 of Supernatural, we also approach the five year anniversary of the end of your five year plan for the show. This period in time also coincides with you stepping down as show runner. So I would like to take this moment and reach out to you, the brilliant creator of this gem of a show. Much has happened since then in the world of the show and in the SPNFamily, and therefore, I feel there is much to be said.

In the span of five years since you stepped down, Supernatural has gone through two show runners, changes in writers, high ratings, low ratings, and of course reached the 200 episode mark. After countless years of struggle to beat the odds, your “little show that could” continues to fight to be as successful as it can possibly be in constantly changing circumstances. With ratings holding as they are today, there is no doubt that the show will continue being successful in terms of the numbers.

But to the SPNFamily, ratings are not everything. Ratings are not what define the quality of the show for us. No matter what the numbers say, we look to the story, characters, mythology, monsters of the week, visual effects, music, treatment of the footage, coloring, and so much more. We analyze every bit of dialogue, character, set, and prop down to the last detail because we are incredibly invested in the show. And I am very sorry to say that for the past few years it has been very hard to do such detailed analysis and appreciate what we find.

Let me elucidate. Ratings don’t depict the actual quality of a show because to a casual viewer, one who tunes in to the show once a week and then goes about his or her life, problems with the show are not that evident. However, when fans do dig deeper and really breakdown every line and every scene, the issues that escape the ratings come to light. Us fans still watch and support the show because we love the characters and what you made the show to be in the first five years. But the issues we see in terms of thematic ideas and technicalities do not escape our view.

The sophisticated, mature, yet incredibly organic show that you made Supernatural to be in its early years is long gone. Instead, today we are getting a mere shadow of what it was back then when you were show runner. The “faded Americana” coloring is gone, turning the show from horror b-movie every week to a sappy urban fantasy. Classic rock is few and far between, changing the tone of the show entirely. And brotherly banter has turned into immature brother angst simply to facilitate movement of the plot. The characters are being dumbed down, the dialogue is clunky, the story lines are formulaic, repetitive, and cliche, and when an idea is finally new and unique, improper and ineffective execution takes away from its charm.

I am not sure if you keep track of what happens on the show and whether you are aware of the problems that some of us fans are seeing as I obviously don’t know what your extent of involvement is in creating the show or if you watch it regularly. But as a fan who truly cares about what you made the show to be, I can say with enough confidence that the show you created is not the show we are watching today.

Let me assure you that I do not mean to pointedly criticize your colleagues and the two show runners that succeeded you. I appreciate them as people and as writers, and I truly appreciate their efforts in what they did to run the show. But I cannot forget the fact that despite these efforts, the show’s quality, in my opinion, has undoubtedly suffered greatly.

I don’t really know why I’m telling you this. Well, that’s not true. I do know why I’m telling you this. The Eric Kripke fan in me would want one thing, and one thing only, and that is for you to re-assume your place on the writing staff of the show, or actually run the show again. I really believe that no one has a better grasp on the show than you do, and that is extremely logical as you are the one who created this masterpiece. But I, of course, am in no position to make you return to the show. You have moved on to make other shows and productions which you have been successful with, and I respect that decision. That is why I originally said that I didn’t know why I was telling you this. Part of me thinks that asking you to come back now is selfish and too much to ask. But for the other part of me, you returning is still the biggest hope to bring the show back to the level of what it used to be with you at the helm.

I hope you consider what I have said, as it comes from a place of great care for the show and belief that it can certainly be better than what it is now. There are a lot of fans like me that also see these issues so I’m not the only one. Trust me, I would not be talking about all this if the show didn’t mean anything to me. I hope you understand this.

Thank you for hearing me. Much love and respect to you.


A Loyal Fan, and undoubtedly several others

hoppspindel  asked:

Hello there! So I saw that you wrote that s11 is almost as good as s8 when it comes to destiel. I haven't watched the show since early s9, but now I'm getting my hopes up again. What has happened with destiel that makes you say that? I don't mind spoilers :p I know bits and pieces from seeing gifs, but like.. Should I start watching again?

Hi! Ah see this is where I worry about my destiel positivity because I don’t really want to encourage people to get their hopes up if it doesn’t end up amounting to anything! I like to say that I am cautiously optimistic but I have to keep reminding myself that realistically I have to look at this as objectively as possible because even when it seems like it’s going the way we want, it could all still fall flat and leave us disappointed.

I answered another ask about my thoughts on destiel recently here  which I think covers where I stand on this. As for whether you should start watching the show again, I think that depends on why you quit it? Were you part of the mass exodus after 9x03? If the non con in that episode put you off I would be wary in early season 11 due to the whole Dean x Amara deal (which is really fucking creepy and unnecessary and they shouldn’t have gone there – heads up for the sexualisation of an underage girl who tries to seduce Dean *gags*) But it does seem that in later season 11 they are making it very clear that there is no ‘romance’ between Dean and Amara and that this is something that Dean finds extremely wrong and uncomfortable.

My adoration for the season all comes from the Casifer storyline. Which I think is the best storyline they have had since season 8 and the trials which I loved (the season 8 finale ‘sacrifice’ is one of my all-time favourite episodes) My main reason for this is that I am a Cas girl at heart and also a huge destiel fan and they have basically slapped a tiara on Cas’ head, locked him in a tower and given Dean a white horse to ride to his rescue. We haven’t had a Cas focussed main storyline since season 8. He has always been given these side stories like ‘dean and sam are doing this…. Meanwhile cas…’ and that always annoyed me because I want Castiel to be right there by the Winchesters sides fighting the same battles like in season 5. Putting him in a side story makes people lose interest in him and gives the Cas haters more ammunition.

Right now however, he is front and central to this story. The icing on the cake here is that this story also demands an emotional payoff. It demands a scene where Dean has to convince Cas that he is worthy, that he is worth saving, that he is needed, and most of all, that he is loved. This is me looking at the story from an objective viewpoint here. I have worked very hard to shove all my fangirl feelings for destiel to the side in order to consider this current season arc from a scriptwriters point of view. I have asked myself “Where is this story headed? Logically?” You wanna know the logical answer? Cas must be made aware that he has something to fight for. The way they have framed the story and especially after 11x18 it is extremely clear that Dean is the only person who can prove this to Cas. This screams destiel at me even if they keep it in the subtext.

On top of all this, we have a potential return of Chuck/ God and thanks to some excellent symbolism and subtext in the show, there is some excellent speculation going around about Castiel’s true importance being revealed finally (things that meta writers on tumblr have been speculating since season 5). If this doesn’t happen, we still have the potential for a God/ Lucifer showdown followed by a God/ Amara showdown and this would be the most interesting storyline that supernatural has given us since the first apocalypse in season 5. It just all feels like it is building up to something spectacular. I can’t help but get a buzz out of that. I still think that the season finale is going to emotionally cripple us all over the summer hiatus but I also think that it will be worth it.

Ultimately if you start watching again, do so cautiously, be prepared for a load of Cas feels (our poor angel suffers a great deal of hurt in this season) and don’t expect miracles. We tend to look back on season 8 with rose coloured glasses because compared to seasons 9 and 10 it was a much lighter season. Season 11 is still extremely dark (mind the pun) but it also feels like we have passed the ‘decay’ stage in Carver’s overall thematic of ‘growth/decay/transformation’ (Perhaps Carver is a Breaking Bad fan?) Where season 8 was the season of growth, and season 9 and 10 were the decay. The transformation stage is seemingly turning out to be a much more enlightened path for the characters than the decay they have been suffering for the past two seasons. Unfortunately right now Cas in particular is still stuck in ‘decay’. He is at his very lowest and it is difficult watching. However Dean seems to be accepting his transformation nicely. It was @elizabethrobertajones who outlined how Destiel has been portrayed from varying character POVs since it started and whenever the POV is with Dean, it appears to be at its strongest in the show. As of 11x18, that POV is back with Dean and I think that it will continue to be with Dean for the rest of the season. Whether it remains in the subtext is a guessing game I suppose and again I am stressing cautious optimism here because we can never know the true intent of the show creators until the final end of the series.

I am feeling pretty damn positive right now, but this show has built us up and burned us down before. I don’t want anyone to get hurt by believing something wonderful is going to happen only for them to royally let us down. There are still 5 episodes to go until the season end. We don’t know what is going to happen but I think at the very least we will be getting some real emotional pay off regarding Dean and Cas. Even if it remains in subtext I can’t wait to see that when it airs.

I hope this now very long answer has given you a bit more information on the situation as it currently stands. It is ultimately completely up to you whether you want to start watching again. I want to say give it a chance because I have been enjoying it (and Misha’s performance as Lucifer is just brilliant) and I think a lot of other bloggers would agree with me. If you do watch, maybe let me know what you think and if you agree with my rather hopeful outlook for destiel? 

A Love Letter to the SPN Family...

To my fandom:

Many of us have become aware of the events that occurred today at ChiCon when a fellow Supernatural fan was removed from the convention by security because someone reported that she was a threat to the cast.

I want to start by saying that I was not there in Chicago. I don’t have first-hand knowledge of what happened. I cannot confirm or deny any of the information that has been released about this incident. All I know is what I have seen in the time since Emily was removed from the convention, and THAT is what I wish to address now.

I know my voice is small within the fandom. I don’t have a large group of followers, I don’t publish on popular blogs or groups related to Supernatural. I don’t have ties to the cast, the network, Creation, or any other organization that would afford me a meaningful voice backed by any sort of authority. In fact, I considered not writing this because I wondered what impact it would have within the fandom with me being such a small fish in the gigantic pond that is the Supernatural fandom. However, I think that what I have to say has relevance and so it is with optimism and hope that I post this today. Not as an authority on this subject, but as a fellow fan who is currently hurting because of the conflict that has wracked our family today.

Today has been a difficult day for our family… and despite everything, I DO still think of us all as a family. To know that there are people in the fandom who are threatening each other, threatening the cast, threatening families and children… there are not enough words in all the languages alive and dead to convey how devastating that is.

 To know that fellow fans – people who share a love and passion for this amazing show, who are part of this make-shift little family we’ve created – are turning against each other and taking sides… to see them speaking out against one another… over what? Is there anything even remotely so important that people are willing to tear the fandom apart just to protect “their side”?

Furthermore, I am sick of seeing people talking about the “other side of the fandom”. There is no “other side” – there is THE FANDOM. THE FAMILY. One group of people who have come together to share something amazing. How can there be sides to that?

If you love Supernatural, then you love all of it. It’s a package deal. If you love Sam and Dean, you love Crowley and Castiel. If you love Jared and Jensen, then you love Mark and Misha. You don’t have to like them… the characters or the people, but you have to love them. It’s what family does!

I understand if you have preferences. If you ship Wincest or Destiel or any of the other ships that have developed from the relationships between characters in the Supernatural universe, I don’t care. Do you hear me? I DON’T CARE! That’s right. I have my ship – which will remain nameless because, frankly, it doesn’t matter what I ship – to which I am completely and totally dedicated, but when I look at other people with different ships I don’t get angry, I am glad that someone is able to share my experience even if it’s from a different perspective. I am thrilled that someone has decided to fully-immerse him/herself in the fandom to the extent that having a ship is possible. So what if their ship isn’t my ship? Their life isn’t my life. Their experiences are not my experiences. I don’t know what makes their ship appeal to them; and, to be completely honest, it’s none of my business.

All I want for the rest of the family is for everyone to love this fandom as much as I do. To have the amazing experiences I have had… to be content. I also want them to feel safe. It’s not something I really thought about before today, but it’s part of being a family. I want everyone in this fandom to feel safe being themselves. No one should have to fear for their well-being when attending a convention, posting online, participating in fandom events, or any other activities related to being a Supernatural fan.

I could go on forever about this. I could analyze this from a psychological and human behavior perspective, I could lecture about cyber-bullying and harassment, I could fall back on my education and experience to delve deeper into what is happening, but I won’t. I won’t do these things because this post isn’t about me explaining to you why this is happening. It’s about me coming to you not as an academic or a scholar, but as a fellow fan. It is about me pleading to you all to really step back and think about what is happening here.

We are a family. It’s what I (and I am willing to assume that most of you) love most about this fandom, and right now our family is hurting. I don’t care if you’ve picked a side. I don’t care if you are angry. I don’t care if you are sitting on the sidelines with popcorn and  a soda watching the chaos. I care that this family is hurting. This family is screaming out in pain because of what is happening right now. We are, at this moment, a family broken and ripped apart at the seams. We are helpless and at the mercy of one another. None of us can fix it alone. It will take the entire family to put us back together again. EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.

So, instead of sitting on the sidelines waiting for this to work itself out or attacking the “other side of the fandom”, please just stop for a moment and remember why you are part of this family in the first place – two boys, a classic car, an old drunk, a fallen angel, the King of hell, a prophet of the Lord, and so many other amazing characters that have taught us to love, to accept, to forgive, to laugh through the tough times, to overcome adversity, and to always remember that FAMILY DOESN’T END WITH BLOOD.