because i am and i still have a lot to learn

anonymous asked:

oh, also! one thing i wish your video had discussed was UNDER-stimulation! a lot of autistic people also deal with LACK of sensory input poorly, which is another reason to stim! like i've been known to have friends sit on my lap because i need MORE touch-based input!

Oh that’s so interesting!!! I didn’t know that either!! There was lots not discussed in that video, and I’m learning lots of things!! I also am hearing that for many autism IS considered a disability and should be approached as such! Thank you all for bringing these things up to me. I’m still continuously learning and I hope more content can be produced in the future to clarify these things! It’s such a spectrum, there should be more representation in future vids!

The possibility of Otayuri becoming canon

So in this post-Welcome to the Madness daze and with the information that has been released today, I would like to do some speculation about the character dynamic between Yurio and Otabek and the possible implications for this ship to become canon. I have already written a bit about this in a comment to another post here, but I would like to elaborate.

Again, this is just me throwing around ideas, with a good dose of wishful thinking.

-          Otabek enters the story quite late as a character. He is there from the beginning but we only get to see him interact with the others from episode 10 onwards. The focal point becomes what his relation is to Yuri. He whisks him away on his motorcycle, takes him to one of the most beautiful vistas in the city and then casually drops how he has admired him for the past five years. Then he offers Yuri his friendship, which has apparently never occurred in Yuri’s life before, they go for a coffee and Mari is stunned to see Yuri normally interact with another human being for a change. It’s up to you to ignore any fond gazes during this scene. What’s worth mentioning is that Yuri seems kind of perplexed by this whole thing. The “eyes of a soldier” line gets to him, because it is probably the first time someone sees him for who he wants to be.

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Real advice

So a lot of you on here are teens and might be getting ready to be out on your own. Here are some things I learned the hard way or that are just good to know.

  • Never smoke or quit if you are currently. The cost of addictive smoking is more than half your groceries a month AND the bodily cost will surprise you.
  • Drink water. Yeah okay I know this one sucks but water is much much cheaper than soda, trust me. Your skin will thank you.
  • Send thank you cards. Don’t have any? Get the cheap ones and send those. It doesn’t matter how nice they are, the fact that you sent a thank you card matters. Send it for gifts, people calling you to check on you, those adults who helped you move, and even people who interview you.
  • Withhold 1. Okay so speaking of jobs, on your forms (US) where you are trying to figure out your tax withholding, put one. Yourself. It’s an easy way to make sure you don’t owe $2,000 in April and you still get a pretty decent check. 
  • No pets. If you don’t have a pet now, don’t get one. It’s super hard to get an apartment that will let you have a pet when you are first starting out. Wait until you are a bit older and can afford to rent more than a one bedroom apartment. 
  • Insurance. You’re young, so why do you need life insurance? Because that’s the best time to get it. Yeah, it’s a dumb expense to pay right now, but if you get it early, you can afford it. The longer you wait, the more expensive it is. Car insurance is going to be high for a few years, but it will drop around 22 and 25 years old. Health insurance usually comes through your job and please don’t ignore it. Renter’s insurance is usually pretty cheap and it covers you if there is a fire or natural disaster and you have to go back home to mom.
  • Off brand. This goes for food, clothing, makeup, and cleaning supplies and just about anything else you can think of. For food, Aldi’s is your best friend. I can go fill up a cart of just food and it will cost maybe $70. the same amount of food at Walmart is easily over $150. You can of course be picky, but try to get the majority of your food off brand. Hygiene products too. Goodwill is great for clothes, but plan a trip. Save like 60 bucks and drive near a big city where the rich people live. Go to the goodwill there. You can basically get an all new wardrobe for pennies on the dollar. Makeup is tricky. It can be really really expensive but you don’t really have to buy all of it name brand. Pick whats most important to you. I prefer eye shadows and lipsticks name brand and I deal with everything else from the drugstore. With he right techniques, you can make it look expensive. As for cleaning, I always use dollar tree stuff minus my laundry detergent because of allergies. Bleach, stain spray, and vinegar are gonna be your best friends,.
  • Car. Okay so yeah, that brand new car is nice and sure, maybe you can afford it. For now. Disaster will strike. Something will come up and bam, you’re stuck choosing if you want to walk everywhere or eat. Try getting a slightly used car, such as one of the ones they let people test drive a lot or a car that has previously been leased. Just as nice and much MUCH cheaper. And I have gotten THREE cars with no down payment so don’t let them tell you you can’t. But it is nice to put it down,even $100. 
  • Negotiate. Don’t be afraid to haggle with people. Yeah it’s intimidating but it’s 10 minutes of your life versus hundreds of dollars a year. What can you negotiate? Almost anything. Car payment. Rent. Insurance. Hospital bills. Even due dates for the bills you can’t negotiate on. Also, if something comes up where you have to skip a payment on something, call them. Give them like $25 and explain your situation. Ask if your payment date can be moved with the $25 as a goodwill promise to pay the rest later. It works. They would rather move your date than send you to collections. 
  • Collectors. Okay so this one is tricky. If you have fallen behind and owe a collector, don’t fret. I do too, even as I write this. Owing a collector means that the original service has been paid (health bills, credit card ect) and you are now paying the people who paid your bill. (I know it’s confusing) however, they will usually want the entirety of what they paid for you in 6 months. Meaning if they just paid a bill for you that was $3,000, they are gonna ask for $500 a month. That’s rent. That’s crazy. Tell them outright what you can afford and don’t lie about it either. If you can afford $100, tell them that. If you can afford $50, tell them that. If you can’t afford to pay them anything when they call you, let them know when you can. If you can’t afford it when you told them you could, don’t answer your phone to a number you don’t know. I know that sounds horrible but if you are renting an apartment, renting a car, and literally own nothing, they can’t do much to you. Just pay when you can and try to maybe pick up some extra shifts at work to make a payment. I have been dodging collectors for about three years. I owe I think three right now. I pay ONE of them a month, but it’s a large payment to keep them quiet for a while. I do not suggest this for you, I am just letting you know what I do.
  • Credit Cards. Okay, the big one. Many adults will tell you to never ever get a credit card and that’s just not feasible in this world. However, it can be addicting to be able to go to Walmart when you are negative in your bank account and get that $10 movie. I mean, it’s just 10 bucks right? WRONG. It will build up fast and soon the one credit card you have will be maxed. So you have to get another for emergencies. And another. And so on. So here’s my advice; Get a credit card through the same bank as your checking and tell them to put a limit on it and not let it raise. Then lock that sucker away and forget you have it until a real emergency comes up like a flat tire, short on money for groceries, or that collector that hasn’t been paid in 4 months. You can make it on one credit card if you are strict with your money, which I am sure you don’t have a lot of.
  • Budget. Speaking of money, write out a budget for yourself. Don’t know how? Here’s the easiest way. Most people get paid bi-weekly so here’s how to do it. Make two columns, Check 1 and Check 2. If you have a full time job you know about how much your checks are going to be so put the amount at the top of each column. Now that hard part - figure out what is due when. Is something due June 1st? Take it out of check 2 (end of May). Is something due May 14? Take it out of check 1 (beginning of May). That main thought process behind your budget is that you want to have the money for a bill set aside before it’s due. Paying a bill a few days early is a great way to make a good financial reputation for yourself and for some things even build credit. Now if you get paid bi-weekly, you will sometimes have a month where you get 3 checks. DON’T BLOW IT. Put it right back into your budget as Check 1 and keep the flow going. If you prepay bills, like your car or your rent or your credit card, and stay a month a head of those big ones, you may need that wiggle room later. If your car, for instance, is paid ahead 1 month, you can use the car money you would normally pay that month for maybe some extra groceries or some small emergency without using your credit card and you won’t even fall behind! You’ll just be back to owing every month instead of being ahead. It’s like a savings account without the temptation to blow the money. 
  • Simplicity. Enjoy simple things. A gym is expensive, go for a walk instead. Cable is expensive, pay for internet. Phones are expensive, get on a family plan (there is no shame in staying on your parent’s plan, just pay your share). Food is expensive, enjoy leftovers. Movies are expensive, go early and resist any snacks. Shopping is expensive, go to the mall and spend all day trying on cute clothes and taking selfes in the dressing room (makes you feel like a million bucks sometimes!). Time is expensive because you don’t have a lot of it so If you want to stay in bed all day on your day off, do it. If you want to binge on your day off, do it. If you want to just play board games with friends on a Saturday night with a few beers, do it. Simple fun is way better for your pocket and your anxiety.
  • Mental Health  - speaking of anxiety, make sure you take care of your brain. Go outside, even if it means sitting on your steps. Wake up early, even for just an hour. Don’t burn yourself out at work or school because you will suffer the consequences. Make a schedule. If you have trouble with timekeeping, ask for help. If you feel you do have a real mental disorder, see if your employer has what’s called and EAP program (employee assistance program). They usually help you find a mental health provider and give you a few visits for free. This will help you narrow down what exactly you have and after you’re free visits are up you can see who is in your health insurance network that can provide you the mental care you need. if you are prescribed drugs, always get generic. If there is no generic, ask for an alternative. I will not lie to you, mental health is the hardest thing to treat. It took me 8 years and a lot of money to figure out the right medication cocktail for me and my bipolar/ schizophrenia (yes I have both). Turns out I only need two pills, and if I were to refill both of them right now, I wouldn’t even pay $10 thanks to my health insurance (which sucks but at least it’s there) and because I got generics. Also, talk therapy can be pricey but sometimes only a few sessions can change your life. I have literally only been to talk therapy 11 times in my life and that was to deal with PTSD, bipolar, schizophrenia, and suicidal tendencies. 11 sessions. That’s 11 hours. And yeah, I paid over $400 out of pocket for those collectively. But if I hadn’t I would probably be dead right now so it was worth it.
  • Connections. Calling your friends is awesome because sometimes, it’s free therapy. And okay, maybe you’re 19 and you still have a horrible relationship with your parents. It’s okay. I am 25 and I still have problems with my parents. My whole family actually. Social media is a kind of safety net for me because that’s where I can be myself. Find where you can be yourself, it will help you stay sane.
  • Clean. Sometimes when I feel crappy, I take a shower. I clean the living room. I do the dishes. I vacuum. I mop. I open the windows. I get the trash out of the house. Change into some clean clothes. Organize my desk. Clean out your closet and put all your unwanted clothes in bags to donate. Just a small amount of cleaning can make you feel like you accomplished something. 
  • Hobbies. This one is a little hard too. It depends on your personality, your budget, and how much free time you have. Drawing , singing, and writing are free. Exercising can be free if you run or walk in the park. But most hobbies do actually cost money. Video games, playing an instrument, painting, sewing, cooking/baking, making things - those all cost money. Some of them lots of money. But you have to have a hobby outside of social network, sleeping, and working. It’s another thing to keep you sane and it’s just a good idea.
  • Toxic people. Do not be afraid to cut people out of your life that do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself or insult your life. This could mean breaking up with your partner, unfriending a person from your social circle, cutting out a whole circle of people, or even not talking to a relative(s). It’s not easy for some people but if they do not build you up, they will only tear you down. 
  • Drink at home. Okay so this one might sound like a no brainer, but I’ll explain it anyway. Packs of beer and hard liquor bottles are cheaper than a pint and a shots at the bar. Bottles of wine are cheaper than a glass at a restaurant. It’s never okay to drive drunk or even after one bottle of beer. NEVER. Staying at home is cheaper all around and you can drink in your pajamas while watching Finding Nemo on loop. Or invite some friends over and create a drinking game out of a show, a game you already have, or just talk and drink. 
  • Sleep. This one is so important. You need a good bed and a quiet, dark place to sleep. If you are scared of the dark, get a night light. Can’t sleep in silence? Get a fan. I have both of these and they help. You’re brain will feel tired if you ‘slept’ for 12 hours but only got 1 hour of REM. REM can really only happen every night if you are in a calm and dim environment. Quality of sleep will effect your eating habits, your emotional state, your mental stability, and your ability to make rational decisions among other things. 

So these are obviously just a few things, but I feel they are important to share. Please feel free to add any and reblog it for those about to enter adulthood. 

Here’s the thing about being a professional who works with people in any kind of health or social care job:

We go through years and years of training. We are constantly urged to update our knowledge and skills. We amass knowledge in the hope it will service our clients well and ultimately we are driven by a strong desire to help people to improve their lives. We are often highly qualified, overworked and underpaid and I don’t believe I’ve ever met anyone who’s in it for the money.

But that does not make us unchallengeable “experts.” And it is dangerous for us to pretend that we have a more valid understanding of our client’s experiences than they have themselves.

If you look at the history of this sector, you can see that we’ve come a long way in a short time. It’s not that long ago that a lot more people were confined to asylums for no real reason. It’s not that long ago that people were put through countless painful operations in order to “improve” their physical disabilities, with no real consideration given to the person’s wishes. It’s still legal in most countries (everywhere except Malta) to operate on an intersex child without parental permission. Even in the early days of medicine, doctors set themselves up as “experts” and a lot of unsafe practice went unchallenged for decades as a result.

This sector has a dark history of abuse and the best professionals work with an awareness of this and a desire to avoid repeating those mistakes. Which means putting the clients’s experiences at the heart of everything, because when things are forced on people without their wishes being considered, that’s when it becomes abusive. You cannot work effectively with a person if you let your view of their situation override their own. My qualifications do not take precedence over first-hand experience.

Like a lot of allistic professionals, I was taught that “person with autism” is a preferable label to “autistic person.” To some extent, I can see there was good intent behind this. However, out of the classroom, most autistic people I’ve encountered disagree. So I have to defer to them, and if it’s uncomfortable to apply the same rule to everyone on the spectrum, I can simply ask people what they prefer. For me to presume that my classroom learning has more validity than the experiences of autistic people would be dangerously arrogant.

I’m not claiming to be the perfect professional or anything, but I am highly shocked when I see professionals on tumblr claiming that their professional knowledge is more legit than knowledge than comes from first-hand experiences. First of all, it’s highly unprofessional for you to be arguing about this in ALL CAPS WRITING on a social network. Secondly, all professionals have to be open to challenge. If an autistic person challenges you on your person-first language, hostility is a completely inappropriate reaction. As a professional, you have obligations that continue after you finish work for the evening. Respecting other people is the most basic one.

timetravelturtle  asked:

Responding to your post about twist endings and Rod Serling: Do you think that the "No, Luke, I am your father" reveal in Empire Strikes Back works as a powerful twist? It's hard to view it as anything but obligatory after almost 40 years of references but at one point it was truly shocking, I think. Still, I'm not sure if the themes that the reveal serves are actually important to the work or if they just match the reveal.

Comparing the “I am your father” ending to the Twilight Zone/Scifi Proposition-Argument-Conclusion ending is like comparing a dolphin to a torpedo; they look the same, but they work in very different ways.

I think it’s important to emphasize here that the ending IS what your story is trying to say; the ending IS the story. If you have a story about the hazards of love that cynically shows how bad relationships can be…but the hero finds true love at the end, it’s an optimistic story that says true love and happiness is possible and relationships are great. The ending is what your story is trying to say.

Now, that said, the reason that the Darth Vader reveal has oomph can only be understood if you look at the Empire Strikes Back script by Lawrence Kasdan, who wrote maybe one of my favorite Westerns, Silverado (I love Westerns as much as scifi, but considering the nature of this blog, that part of my personality doesn’t come up much). It’s worth noting that most scifi writers have an understanding of the basics, something that transfers from genre to genre; the fundamentals of storytelling are the same. Rod Serling won Emmys for drama long before Twilight Zone, for instance.

You can understand what Empire Strikes back is all about from the title, which wasn’t carelessly chosen. It’s a story about how the Rebels are on the run; they are running in the night, and the wolves are after them. It’s impossible to stand and fight. The opening has the rebels in exile in a miserable icy location, from which they are forced to flee.

As the story goes on, things get worse and worse. The heroes are betrayed and have no place to hide. Luke does the impetuous yet loyal and courageous thing to help his friends before he’s ready, which the wise Yoda raises the stakes for by saying that Luke will fail totally if he confronts Darth Vader. The scene on Dagobah with Yoda and Obi-Wan fills us with dread for the meeting to come and raises the stakes for the battle to come; that’s the purpose of the scene.

Are you getting it, now? The point of the story is to have the Empire victorious, to show the sacrifice and loss a rebellion would need. And when Luke goes to see Vader, he has his hand chopped off and his lightsaber lost; he never stood a chance. And that, at the very conclusion of the film, is when the biggest bombshell of all is dropped: Darth Vader is Luke’s father.

The Darth Vader reveal wouldn’t have worked if it came in the middle of the film. It worked because the entire film had been building to it, with loss after loss to the Empire. It’s the ultimate thing to make a hero totally despair in a story that’s all about losing (note that after learning this Luke has no option but to jump to his death). The twist isn’t just thrown in there out of nowhere; the entire film had been building to it, and it’s the final “knockout punch.”

To have an ending like this, you have to identify what your story is about and what it’s trying to say, so you can convince the audience of it. As Brian McDonald says, “lots of young writers ask me if they are being too preachy. Not enough ask me if they are being sufficiently clear.” 

youtube

Warning: This video is not as disturbing as the previous one, but still contains clips that show Cody being abused by his parents and siblings.

For anyone who’s as interested in this case as I am, Philip DeFranco uploaded another video giving us an update on the DaddyOFive scandal, which has gained lots of attention since yesterday.

Again, for anyone who’s unable to watch the video, I’ll give a quick summary of the video’s contents.

DaddyOFive has posted an “apology” in response to the negative attention they have been getting.

Now, it’s clear as a day that this is not an apology, nor does it make anything better. They are straight up lying, knowing that their loyal fans will defend them.
In fact, their channel has gained even more subscribers after Mike Martin posted the video titled “BLOCKING THE HATERS!” in which he defends his and his wife’s actions.

To make matters worse, they’ve uploaded a video which is all about them getting ready to go to Disneyland (or Disney World? I can’t quite remember). Watching this video reveals that they are not taking Cody with them because he “didn’t earn to go”.
His mother then explains why, telling them that he “put poop everywhere, several times”.

Putting the fact that sharing something like this about your child with thousands of strangers is not only extremely harmful but disrespectful aside, DeFranco tells us that this is behavior that could be linked to mental issues like PTSD, providing sufferers a feeling of control and a way to express their feelings.

She then proceeds to call Cody crazy and that she wished he would act like a normal “child”, putting the blame on him. Again.

Of course, seeing this made me boil with rage.
Personally, I feel like it’s clear as a day that this is just another, incredibly hurtful way to punish Cody for “causing them so much trouble”. They’re excluding him from their family, making him feel unwanted and unloved for being “out of control”.
Instead of changing their ways, realizing their mistakes and showing their child at least a little bit of love and respect, they exclude him from their family which is extremely painful for anyone, especially a young child.

They don’t reward Cody for anything, they don’t apologize to him for anything, they humiliate him on the internet on a regular basis just to get him to play along and it’s making me sick, to be honest with you.

On an additional note, the video above includes a clip of the father slamming his fist onto Cody’s wrist when he reaches on something, followed by DeFranco pointing out that he has bruises on his arm.

His parents have not learned anything and I expect them to upload more “positive” videos in the future to create a false picture of harmony and earn sympathy. 
And I know people will fall for it.
Something needs to be done immediately.

Harry Styles Vocal Health on SNL

Hello!  So first and foremost I wan to put out there how much I love Harry and his voice.  Dear god it’s SO COOL and unique.  I love how when he’s in good vocal health he has all these different textures to it- the gruffness of his chest voice, the purity of his falsetto, the power of his belt.  When the studio version of SOTT came out I couldn’t sing his praises enough.  His voice sounded SO HEALTHY.  He was making such good choices!!!  Everything was relaxed and well supported.  He let the song build naturally.  He MUST have gotten some solid vocal training over his break because that isn’t something that can just happen over night.  I was very impressed and very proud.  I was also a bit nervous to see if these changes would hold when he started performing live….and…..it looks like I had good reason to be nervous.  

Here’s the thing. There are a few reasons I’m so hard on Harry in particular when it comes to poor technique. First, compared to the other guys, his technique is the only one that’s actually physically DAMAGING.  Could the other guys benefit from proper training?  Sure.  Of course.  Every singer can.  Even those who have been singing for years still should train on a regular basis.  But the other boys’ bad habits are just that- bad habits.  They aren’t going to do long term damage, not the way Harry’s are.    The second reason is BECAUSE I know he can do (AND HAS DONE!!!!!) so much better!!   I know he’s CAPABLE of so much more and so yeah, I’m hard on him because of that. And finally, I know exactly what he’s doing physically and exactly what’s going through his mind because I have the same exact bad habits and I can see him using the same exact thought process as to why he slips into these again.

Harry is the Ultimate Performer. He wants nothing more than to put on a good show for everyone, even if that means sacrificing his own vocal health.  Now, that’s isn’t a HUGE problem…until it KEEPS happening.  Which is what happened with OTRA.  And possibly might be happening now, although that remains to be seen.  One performance of one song slips into an entire show of this slips into two shows of this slips into the entire tour and wham, you’ve got nodes.  I think the biggest problem with Harry’s performance last night is he doesn’t trust the material or HIMSELF to sell it the way it is.  He feels he needs to overcompensate and big Big and Bold right from the start and that song is not built to be sung that way.  He started at a level that he couldn’t sustain throughout the entire thing and had nowhere to go.  That’s when he ran into trouble.  

As soon as he opened his mouth, I knew it wasn’t going to go well.  Don’t get me wrong, he sounds fantastic in the beginning…but like I said, there was nothing for him to build upon because he already started it at too high a height. His voice sounded raspy to me too, raspier than usual.  That can be caused by a few things- he could have been dehydrated (you can’t sing right if you don’t pee white!), he could have been tired (we know he’s a morning person and that show is pretty late for him), he could have strained his voice at the concert the night before, he could have over rehearsed, he could have smoked a bit.  I don’t know what the cause was, but he didn’t start off the evening in the best vocal health, especially for a song that’s very difficult to sing.  I also think he KNEW that so again, he tried to overcompensate for that by pushing.  

There is so much tension throughout his whole body, particular his shoulders on up.  I’m sure a lot of that is due to nerves.  I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again: the SNL stage is one of the hardest venues for artists to play.  There’s something particularly rough about it.  He’s also always had problems tensing up his face when he sings, but it what was particularly striking to me was that he did it during the falsetto parts.  That should have been EASY for him to sing.  That’s something light and relaxed.  Almost a break from the tension of the rest of the song…and yet he looks like he was in pain.  Which makes me wonder if he WAS in pain.  it’s hard to tell, but it almost seems like the second time he does it he pushes it more to a mix than a pure falsetto. 

It’s notable to me how relaxed the second syllable of  “bullets” around 2:44-2:48 is compared to the rest.  THAT is what the whole thing should have sounded like.  it’s relaxed and he’s got a great vibratto on it that comes straight from the diaphragm there- compare that to how tight “bullets” are the second time he sings it in that phrase at 2:58ish-3:04.  Why did you change what you were doing, sir??? In fact, to me it seemed like he KNEW it sounded good the first time and did his cute li’l dance and then came back to it feeling like “yeah I got this…” and then tightened right back up again.  because he didn’t trust himself.  

Thennnnnn the bridge happens.  And this is what i mean by he had nowhere to go.  THIS should have been his first belt it out moment.  but he pushed too hard too quickly and his voice just…wasn’t there.  It was tired.  The first scoop up to the first “we” was off key because of it and I think he knew it which made it even worse and MORE tense to the point where he just didn’t have the vocal agility to flip into his fasletto again for “learn”.  And then we’ve got the “it’s just what we know” which was just a poor choice.  I have a feeling he nailed that MULTIPLE times in rehearsals and mannnnn if he was in good vocal health how killer would that have sounded!??!!?  But instead, we got what’s called harmonic distortion which is SUPER VERY YIKESY AND A BIG SIGN OF HOLYSHITYOU’REDOINGDAMAGE (i sincerely hope he has an appointment with an ENT this week and gets scoped to check that out).   This was another instance of him trying to put on a great show and overcompensate for what he probably felt was lackluster vocals (which for the record WERE NOT THAT BAD.  I’m picking it apart because…well, it’s what I do.  and i don’t think I would have had too much of a problem if it weren’t for the super damaging choices he ended up making).  

From there he’s thinking “Oh shit that was bad…I REALLY fucked up…better step up my game and make the end better!” and once again tries to overcompensate and push a voice that’s already been pushed to the brink.  there just wasn’t more in there for it to give.  He couldn’t sustain it.  He had already given everything that there was go to give.  

When it comes to ESNY, it was a much better performance.  I think it’s partially due to the fact that it’s an easier song to sing and partially due to the fact that he was playing guitar so he wasn’t as much in his head (Side note: CAN YOU BELIEVE HE FINALLY BLESSED US WITH HIS GUITAR SKILLS?????).  His belty part towards the end wasn’t as good as it could have been, but I think that’s just due to the fact that his voice was kinda shot and that’s the best it was going to be.  It wasn’t TERRIBLE and obviously it could have been better, but I am curious to hear the studio version to see if there’s more belting that he just wasn’t comfortable with last night.  I could have done without the facial affectations because it just adds more tension and tension is bad, kiddos  But I think it’s a stylistic choice and I’m trying to pick my battles here.  Additionally, as we’ve seen in gif form his li’l neck vein was popping out so yeah he was tensing up pretty good there…but again, it wasn’t as terrible as it could have been since the song itself isn’t as taxing vocally.  

All in all, the performances were great, especially if you’re not as picky as I am. I know this was his first time singing live in well over a year and SNL is high stress and it’s his first time out there ALONE.  I’m curious to see what happens on Graham Norton and if he improves his technique. I’m also really curious to see how he’ll be on tour as well. I do wonder if he’ll lower the key of SOTT so it’s not as taxing.  No one would really notice and it would make things a little easier on him. It’s just frustrating because I know he has it in him to do it well.  We’ve HEARD him do it well.  But he just doesn’t trust himself enough to do that and that kind of breaks my heart a little.  Thankfully, he’s young and has time to learn.  He can still break these habits and make new, healthier ones and learn to trust himself more.

BUDDY.  YOU GOT THIS.  YOU HAVE AN AMAZING VOICE.  YOU ARE A FANTASTIC SONGWRITER.  YOU HAVE GREAT TECHNIQUE WHEN YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT.  YOU ARE A KILLER SHOWMAN WITH A TON OF CHARISMA.  PLEASE TRUST THESE THINGS AND STOP PUSHING YOURSELF BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU DAMAGE ANYTHING.  

Love,

B <3 

Dear future daughter,


I wanted to write this as a sort of time capsule, so that you would know how your mother was at sixteen and what I expect of you as my daughter.

I love music and singing, and I expect I’ll put you for music classes early on, unless you don’t like singing and composing which is completely okay.
You can quit and join karate or anything you want.
I won’t force you, instead I’ll let you find your own path in life, like my mom let me.

You wanna ride horses? Cool. I liked that too.
You wanna go for kickboxing and learn how to defend yourself? Cool.
You wanna do ballet and enthrall the audience with your magnificent coordination? Amazing.

Anything you want to do babe, I am hundred percent right behind you.

I am big on reading as well, and this may sound odd, but unlike dancing or singing, I would very much adore it if you loved reading as much as me.
I will introduce it gently of course, by telling you adventure stories I wrote for you, about bears and fairies, and any thing you like.
Then I would introduce all sorts of new books, the same ones my mom introduced to me,Malory Towers, St. Claires, Tin-Tin’s, Secret Seven and so on.
If you don’t like reading, I understand.
I hope you do, though.

I am really sorry but you may or may not have my acne.
I am so sorry, I know how much you suffer trying to talk to that cute boy who’s the next Zac Efron, or how hard you try to cover it up.
Or how much you cry over something that someone said about your skin.
I wish I could change things in that department but I can’t. You have combination skin just like me, and it only gets better everyday, and soon enough a beautiful sense of maturity and compassion will bloom, like those Violets you adore.

You might deal with a lot of appearance issues, and trust me, even all the way back in 2017, we still have them.
Let me tell you this, your weight is just the relationship you have with gravity.
It doesn’t define your intellect, beauty, the amount of love you can give to the universe around you.
W=m x g
That’s all weight is.
So eat that pizza, gobble that pancake and never starve yourself.
I am not saying don’t be healthy and exercise, oh no, but its okay to be kind to yourself once in a while.

Career.
Tricky.
I am not going to say I am not going to behind your grades, or behind you to keep them up, but I will give you a chance to improve if you mess up, which you will and thats okay.
That’s life.
To me, do what you love.
Do something that keeps you happy, something that keeps you interested.
Do something that makes you excited to walk into work.
I hope I am doing the same honestly.
To me, education is not just about books and grades, and the colleges you get into.
I’ve probably taken you to so many places in the world, and all that you’ve learned, all the food you’ve eaten, all the cultures you’ve experienced, that is what you have truly experienced. Of course, it won’t pay your bills and it sure as hell won’t help you get to college, but it will make you better citizens of this earth, better human beings, more accepting, less judgmental.

Love.
Oh my, honey, you are going to fall so hard.
For a broken boy with broken promises.
With the talented singer.
With the most popular boy in school.
With someone half way across the world.

In the end, after everyone, you will realize you don’t need to settle for someone who makes you feel terrible about yourself, you just need someone who treats you like the princess you are.
Trust me, its not the prettiest or the most popular that gets to be the keeper of your precious heart.

Of course, if you decide you don’t want to be in a relationship, that’s great.
You’re a strong independent woman who doesn’t need anyone to tell her how downright amazing she is.
(feminist alert! haha)

Trust me.
They are going to break you, shatter you, make you feel like you can never love again.
You will love again though.
Again and again.

(You can change the genders above to suit you)
I expect by the time you are old enough to realize who you love, who you’re attracted to, it won’t matter.
I hope for Goodness sakes, we live in progressive times.
If we don’t, I will love you no matter what, if you’re bi, demi, gender fluid or anyone.
I will love you the same.
Coming out will be the easiest thing you will ever have to do, I promise.

Religion
Well, I am an agnostic, but if you decide that you want to follow a religion I will allow it.
Preferably Hinduism because that would make my mom and dad, (your grandma and grandpa happy) but if its Buddhism, Christianity or any religion, be my guest.
Explore, decide and tell me.
I will respect you if you decide to believe in a higher power, because I think that takes a certain amount of strength.

I might get mad at you, scream, cry and you have to realize I am not perfect.
Far from it.
I just want you to be a nice, respectful and loving human being.
Your grades and talents are secondary to me.
Sure I might not buy everything you want me to, but I promise I will provide you with everything you need.

I need to leave now, but it’s been great getting to know you,
this is sixteen year old me signing out.

Advancing beyond 'Witchcraft 101'

I want to talk a little bit about letting go of that beginner stage and actually advancing in your knowledge and your abilities.

You were unsure about getting started, and nervously bought your first book on witchcraft, and it was probably Wiccan. You devoured it and became eager for more, knowing that you were on the right path. You soon amassed a great deal of Witchcraft 101 books, and likely a lot of tools that you may not have used. You’ve noticed the differences in your books: one says to have the altar in the north, another says the east, a third says in the centre of the circle. You probably know a lot of the magical properties of many common herbs and crystals, having zealously memorised lists of correspondences. You’ve performed spells and rituals from those books verbatim. And now you’re starting to feel stalled. At least, that’s how it was for me.

‘Witchcraft 101’ is, I found, a safe zone. You could make mistakes, or doubt your own knowledge, because you were just a beginner. But you soon feel that you’re safely on a precipice, and off the edge is the big wide unknown. You feel that you’ve become a big fish in a small pond. (Who doesn’t love a good mixed metaphor?). For me, acknowledging that I had grown beyond Witchcraft 101 was a big step, both as a witch and as a person. It takes confidence and courage to say “I am ready to move forward.” I worried that it smacked of arrogance saying that I had mastered the basics, or that I was trying to advance too far too quickly. But that isn’t the case at all. In every form of education you must give yourself credit for what you have learned, and allow yourself to move onto more challenging subjects. So it is for witchcraft, as well.

There was also the fear of being a fraud. Of not being worthy to call myself a witch next to someone who has been practicing a lifetime longer than I have. A fear that other witches would look down their nose at me. “What would he know?” they’d say. But that fear was thoroughly unfounded. When I spoke up, contributed my opinion and my knowledge to discussions, it was met with welcome.

Give yourself permission to advance. Only you can know when you’re ready to move beyond the basics, but you have to allow yourself to do that. You have to acknowledge your knowledge, to own your wisdom. You’ll still make mistakes, you’ll still stumble over some concepts, you’ll still be confused by things, and that’s okay. But witches weren’t made to live in safe zones. We were made to step off the precipice and fly.

things i love about my hero academia

(not all of them because then this would turn into a 500 page journal that could be published and sold and no one would buy it because no one is as much of a nerd as i am)

  • our main protagonist is not a traditionally masculine hero. he’s small, he’s weak, he’s a crybaby, he’s sensitive. especially in the shounen genre, this is a pretty rare thing to see, and even as Izuku grows as a person and becomes more confident in himself, he’s still shy and anxious.
  • he’s also a fanboy!! and not in a bad way!! it’s his fanboy nature that allows him to express himself and show how smart, intuitive, and observant he is
  • the character who does get all the traditionally masculine traits is the character everyone in the main cast acknowledges is a total asshole who mercilessly bullied and abused his classmate/childhood playmate
  • it’s also very clearly seen that Izuku has been conditioned (unintentionally) to fear Bakugou because of all of that physical and emotional abuse. just because he’s a hero in training and he’s learning and growing and becoming more confident doesn’t erase all of those years of bullying
  • it’s also acknowledged that they are children and still have room to grow. Bakugou is an asshole, but he’s not totally villainized for his behavior and is given the chance to change and become a better person because he’s only sixteen years old and still has time to change
  • and he does!! he makes an effort to change and try to adjust his behavior to make a more positive impact (even if it is a slow and arduous process, we do see him make great strides throughout the manga)
  • it would have been really easy to just throw Bakugou under the bus and make him a villain, but instead we get to see his growth as a person as he matures and enters the world of adulthood
  • All Might is the no. 1 hero, the Symbol of Peace, the man everyone thinks is invincible, and he has a chronic condition. he’s missing his stomach, he’s had multiple surgeries, he spits up blood, he literally looks like a skeleton, guys. but even after the reveal, people still admire and look up to him as an idol because he’s still All Might and he still protected and saved a lot of lives and was still a hero
  • All Might’s relationship with Izuku just in general. seriously, i could make an entirely different list just based on their relationship and 95% of the fandom has already talked about them, so i won’t gush about their relationship too much here
  • the fact that most of the adults take responsibility when they fuck up. the police force realize they’ve relied too heavily on heroes, specifically All Might, and they make an effort to change that so they can help people. the teachers at UA recognize that they’ve neglected students who need psychological help. Izuku’s mom acknowledges that she should have encouraged his dream in spite of his quirklessness. most stories, even in the west, don’t have nearly as much adult responsibility as this series does
  • the elusive living anime mom
  • okay but seriously, Inko is quite possibly one of the best fictional moms i’ve seen in a long time. she’s loving and encouraging and she tries her hardest, but she’s not perfect. she’s a single mom caring for her son, who wants to go into this incredibly dangerous profession. and when he gets hurt enough times, when her limit is finally met, she puts her foot down and says “no. i love you, but i can’t let you keep getting hurt like this.” like any reasonable parent would. and the only way she relents is when she sees how much Toshinori wants to teach him and nurture him and encourage him and see his dream recognized and she sees how badly Izuku wants to continue down this path, even if it’s under her terms.
  • this series seriously tackles a lot of topics that you wouldn’t expect it to. you know you’re gonna get the usual topics like what makes a hero, what makes a villain, etc. but, it also goes over other subjects like bullying, parental abuse, discrimination, grief, inferiority complexes, how easy it is to create a monster, redemption. this is a manga about teenagers learning to be super heroes, how did it turn out like this
  • it would have been so easy to sexualize any of the girls. this manga, in the hands of a lesser author, would have featured a lot of fan service shots of the girls. Momo especially, considering she wears a very revealing outfit. and yet, none of them are sexualized?? in any way shape or form??? yeah, we see Momo shirtless a lot and some girls wear skin tight outfits. but, you know who else has skin tight outfits and revealing hero costumes? the boys. and when we do see a shirtless girl or boy, it’s not framed in a way where we’re meant to be objectifying their body. there’s a reason why it happened and we move on. it’s so refreshing.
  • (there are only two fan service female characters. one uses her sexuality to get free shit and the other is meant to make you uncomfortable. take it what you will)
  • we get a lot of unique designs for each of the characters. there are no same faces. each character has a unique quirk and a design that belongs to them. they aren’t interchangeable with one another. Izuku looks like Izuku. All Might looks like All Might. they all look unique with different shapes and sizes
  • (admittedly the manga still kind of falls under the trap of the boys get to have weird, strange designs and the girls all kind of look cute, but it’s not nearly as bad as some other shows. and honestly, if that’s my only complaint, that says a lot)
  • fighting doesn’t solve everything! there’s a really incredible few chapters in the manga dedicated to acknowledging that Izuku and Bakugou seriously need to talk to each other about what Bakugou did to him. they’re both incredible people in their own right and they can learn a lot from each other, but only if they stop fighting and actually communicate with each other. one of the chapters is literally titled “a meaningless fight”. because it is meaningless. it’s not going to solve their problems, fix past mistakes, or make them feel better. it’s a fight to get aggression out because Bakugou doesn’t know any other way to deal with his emotions and trauma.
  • kindness is rewarded!!! cruelty is not!!! i’m really sick and tired of TV shows and movies trying to sell this pessimistic outlook that everything sucks and that gives us the right to be assholes to each other just because it’s edgy. My Hero Academia is such a positive manga and it brings me so much joy and happiness and it sends such a wonderful message of anyone can be a hero if you have a good heart and that kindness will be rewarded, even if it takes a really long time.

i love this manga so much and it’s given me so much light and happiness in my life and if that makes me weird because it’s anime, then fine. whatever. i don’t care. i’ll love it for as long as i can, dammit.

Happy 17 Million Subs, Markiplier!

Happy 17 Million Subs, Markiplier!

@markiplier

Sorry for the late post. I wanted to post it when we hit 17 mil, but you know I’m shy about my art and also I slaved over this for two days please be gentle

This was a pretty fun one to work on. My health is the same as always, so straight lines are absolutely still not a thing I can do, but I’ve been trying to embrace the messier aesthetic and I’m really quite pleased with how these turned out. 

I know it still leaves a lot to be desired, but comparing it to similar things I have done in the past, like the 7 Million Sub art (which also has a dog) or the unholy mess that was the 8 Million Sub art (which I’m trying to give myself a pass on since I was at the hospital that day, but c’mon guys, that was bad) I am definitely improving. 

If you’ve followed me for a while, you’ll notice that my art and myself dropped right off the face of the planet for a year, almost two. I had no confidence in myself or in my work, and I let that take me away from what I love to do. It was Mark who brought me back into it. As I mentioned in this post, a lot of things changed for me after I watched the video where Mark talks about how he is excited for failure, because it helps him to grow. Directly after that, simply because one of my roommates put it in the queue on the Chromecast, I watched Mark’s Draw My Life. Although our circumstances are very different, I saw myself in him. I saw myself in the lost person who switched college majors all the time and didn’t know what he wanted. As weird as it sounds, that gave me some hope, which is something I desperately needed. If he can pull himself out, why can’t I?

So here’s the truth: I am in school for advertising, but what I really want is to be a writer. It’s my dream, and my passion is art. I quit both for a very long time, because I couldn’t accept the fact that my illnesses are chronic. I couldn’t accept that I will never “get better”, and that made me stop trying, because why live a broken life, anyway? But just because I’m fractured doesn’t mean I have no value. My brain thinks some terribly sad things, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t write beautiful ones. My hands may be unable to draw straight lines, but that doesn’t mean they can’t draw pretty ones. 

So thanks for helping me learn that, Mark. I know you’ll never see this, of course. I’m not delusional. But I’d much rather have a thank-you unheard than a thank-you unsaid, y’know?

So thank you. 

Because of you, I’m trying again.

~*~

As always, you can find these pieces of art on my Redbubble here. (x) (x) (x)

If you made it this far, thank you for reading my ramble. I know it’s irrelevant to you guys, but it helps knowing that I might not just be shouting into the void.

fullmooninthenightsky  asked:

Hey, I read you answered questions on witchcraft and I'm just about starting out on being a witch and I'm just kinda lost. How do I find out what kind of a witch I am, for example? And what about room decor, plants, drying herbs, crystals, sigils and others? How do I even start being a witch?Do you have any websites or blogs (or tips?) that could help me out? Thank you ♡ x

Hi there!

You find out what kind of witch you are, by deciding what kind of witchcraft you want to practice. Most people just choose what they want to be, based off what they like, what they feel drawn to, or just what they want to do. [Here] is a list of types of witches that might inspire you / help you get started on finding a type of magic you want to work with first. This list is not extensive, and what you choose you aren’t stuck with forever - you can try other things, combine things, whatever you want to do! Witchcraft is super personal, and it’s all for you, by you. You also don’t need to confine your magic to any singular label; you can choose more than one to work with.

I picked sigil magic to start with, for example, because it seemed easy, and I knew I could draw; it also required very little supplies, and it also honestly seemed the least likely to backfire. xD My craft eventually evolved into eclectic magic, because I began using a bit of everything else (crystals, herbs, candles, etc.) in my magic to get what I needed.

As for room decor, that’s up to you. You don’t need it, though. You don’t need to *look* witchy to *be* witchy. If you need to be on the down low about your magic, you don’t have to draw huge pentacles on your walls or wear all black or anything like that to still have magic work. What makes you a witch or magic user is what’s inside you, not around you (it can help but, you know, not required). But, if you want to make your room look “witchy,” whatever that means to you, go right for it. But I don’t think it will impact your magic in any way. (I don’t view altars / magical work spaces as decor - they are more than just decorations.)

In regards to plants, it’s another case of if you want to. All my herbs I get pre-dried in grocery stores and bulk stores, because I can’t grow plants worth squat. I’ve taken fresh herbs from grocery stores, actually, that’s a lie, but they were already grown, and I just hung them in my window to dry them. If you want to try growing your own herbs, feel free, but it isn’t necessary - pre-dried and store bought have worked perfectly for me for the last two years. (I also don’t know anything about growing herbs or gardening, so you’d need to go elsewhere for those answers.)

Working with crystals and sigils are optional - they can prove beneficial, but if you don’t want to do that, you don’t need to. 

Working with *anything* is optional, when you get right down to it - all these things, candles, herbs, crystals, are just amplifiers and focuses for magic. You can perform witchcraft with just your own body, energy, and intent. You just need to know how. (P.S. [energy work] is how.)

Doing your own research will never go amiss, let me tell you that right now. I know it can seem daunting, and you don’t know where to start, but seriously, just a Google search of “witchcraft crystal magic” or “witchcraft sigil magic” can pull up a lot of information and give you more ideas of where to go that you can follow on your own. (I really recommend specifying “witchcraft” when searching on the internet, because you might get a lot of pop culture links that just aren’t relevant, or a variety of other articles that might not be applicable.)

You start being a witch by deciding you want to be a witch. Boom, congratulations, welcome to witchcraft! :D From there, it’s going to be a lot of research. Research will help you determine more about witchcraft in general, and from there you can decide what you want to do with it. Once you have an idea of things you might want to try - working with crystals, herbs, sea magic, etc. - you can do more focused research on those topics. 

Once you have an idea of what you want to do, try it out. Give some things a shot and practice. Write down what you try, so if it doesn’t work or things go wrong, you can look back and think “what if I try this instead?.” and then try it. It really is all about experimentation. You will make mistakes, spell may not work - it is something that has happened to us all, and likely will again. Nothing is perfect and neither is magic. Don’t be daunted, though - you are new to it, it will take some time to get the hang of and build your confidence up. Just stay positive, and remember that mistakes are learning experiences, and help define you more as witch. Never give up. The magic is inside you, you just need to find the right way to work with it. 

Here are some more posts on starting with witchcraft:

Some of my favorite blogs:

@breelandwalker @oldmotherredcap @fuckyeahpaganism
@recreationalwitchcraft @maddiviner @cunningcelt @witchtips
@teapartyforthewitches @sigilathenaeum @orriculum @magpiesmagicnest
@the-darkest-of-lights @witchy-infobook @thepaganstudygrouppage
@spooniewitches @lowspoonswitchcraft @neurowitchcraft @neurodwitches
@witchy-words  @urbanspellcraft @witchsaves @thewitchlessons
@thewitchingour @witchy-woman @violetwitchcraft @spiritvexer
@the-ram-witch @theoryofmagick @low-budget-witches @witchoncampus
@phoenyxoftheashes @cosmic-witch @phaesphore @stormbornwitch  
@stormwaterwitch @witchglitch @cladinscarlet @smokeandblueroses  
@darkwoodswitch @alsowitchcraft @nightkunoichi @stsathyre
@witchofkeys @witchy-tips @witchy-businesss @thiscrookedcrown
@herbs-and-spells @herbs-and-journals @belladonnaswitchblog
@the-atypical-pagan @thepunkgreenwitch @liberumbrarum
@upthewitchypunx @queerkitchenwitch @lavenderspells @witchcraftings
@broomcorner @modern-witchcraft @themoonmysteries
@idontusemycauldrons

Long post, but yeah, I hope that helps you! If you have any more questions, I’ll do what I can to help you. :)

anonymous asked:

I just read proposal yesterday and thought it was so sweet! I was wondering if you have any fics you could recommend? Jimin is my bias but I'm pretty open to any members with the reader. Thanks and keep up the good work! Kep jarng! 😁

Aghh thank you so much, sweetheart! I’m so glad you enjoyed Proposals and I’m really flattered that you’re asking me for recommendations! :D Okay, here’s a list of my fave fics that you should check out if you haven’t already. So you aren’t confused, the stuff in italics is the synopsis/description the writer provided and the indented bit is me being incoherent and lame as always.

Sin City (Jimin x reader) by @btssmutgaloreAfter a run of bad luck, you can go back home and admit defeat or step out of your comfort zone and look for a job at Sin City.  

Hands down the best stripper au I’ve ever read. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect from this fic because you never know where stripper AUs are going to go, but holy moly am I glad I gave this a chance. You will be addicted to this fic. Jimin’s character has so much depth, but he’s such an enigma at the same time and I’m dying to know what the heck he’s thinking/what his background is. The tension is so drawn out and the sessy scenes are all so different, which is really refreshing to read and you don’t know what’s going to come next. ALSO, I feel like there’s a lot of empowerment and respect in this fic, which makes me so happy. Love love love this fic with my entire being. 

Monster (Jeongguk x reader) by @btssmutgalore: You sleep with an obnoxious fratboy who used to be your friend.

This fic is perfection. It doesn’t have a complicated plot, but it’s still so interesting to read and the smut is A++++. Jeongguk’s character has so many facets and though he has a lot of issues to sort through, I’m rooting for him and the OC so much. 

Purple Jewels (Jimin/Jeongguk x reader) by @jiminniemouse: When you fall in love with Jungkook and he isn’t there to catch you, a sudden surprise shows up to give you a little bit of help.

GENIE!JIMIN. AKLSDJFKLAASKDJFLK (I really tried not to keyboard smash but fuck I lose my shit because of how much I love this fic). Oh man, where do I even begin with this?? It’s my absolute favourite Jimin x reader fic and one of my absolute fave fics in general because it’s written so well, it’s creative, the characters are interesting, AND THE TENSIONNNN. I come so close to combusting with each part and I’m dying for more. Also Jimin’s character is so sweet and I love him so much (where can I find myself a genie Jimin???). Please please please read this!

Hiraeth (Jeongguk/Taehyung x reader) by @jungkxookA world full of dwindling hope and lost loves and yet you and Jungkook are all the other needs to feel at home. 

This is the first member x reader fic I ever read and IT IS THE BEST THING EVER. EVER. It’s a zombie apocalypse au and it’s so angsty and sometimes it feels like my heart has been punched out of my chest and it’s such a wonderful feeling even though it hurts like hell. The world is constructed so believably and there are so many well thought out details to it, so when you’re reading it feels REAL. All the characters are different and you never know what’s going to happen next. I can’t recommend reading this enough, it is freaking incredible (and the love triangle is fucking me up so bad).

Philophobia (Jimin/Jeongguk x reader) by @minsvgasex has its consequences, always; whether for better or for worse, sex always has its consequences. and the drunken rendezvous you have with your best friend is not an exception.

This is discontinued but it’s still worth reading because it’s so freaking hot and I love the plot and just??? I don’t usually read fuckboy fics because fuckboys are the bane of human existence, but this fic is amazing and the smut is awesome. Also be prepared to not know who you’re rooting for. One second I would want Jimin to win the OC’s heart and the next I wanted Jeongguk to end up with her, so brace yourself for conflicting feelings.

Company (Namjoon x reader) by @fireheart-namjoon​: Sometimes all you want is a bit of company.

OKAY before I scream about the sessy stuff in this fic, I really want to say that I fucking loved Namjoon’s characterization in this and it’s so nice to read an OC who is strong and independent. The writing style is absolutely fantastic and the thigh riding was 100000/10.

Retrograde (Jeongguk x reader) by @remembeofantasy!au

When I read this I feel the way I do on rainy, dark days when I’m reading a book and just slip away into the world on the page. The details and the way this is written are so mesmerizing and I want to know more. You’re so swept away by everything that you completely forget about the reality for a little while.

A Roadtrip (Jeongguk x reader) by @taeinmycupJungkook makes your planned roadtrip to Busan a bit messy.

Road trip fics never get old and neither does the childhood-friends-to-lovers plot either. This was a wonderful fic to indulge in and um the frick frack is pretty damn nice. Just saying.

Sutures and Stitches (Jeongguk x reader) by @hayjeon​: hitman!jeongguk and medstudent!Y/N bestfriends!au; Jeongguk always shows up to your place or hospital whenever he gets hurt because you guys are best friends and you patch him up, but he has no idea that every time you stitch up his wounds, it tears open new wounds in your own heart.

I recently read this and I am OBSESSED. I refresh the OP’s page daily just to make sure I didn’t miss an update. The writing is so detailed and Jeongguk’s character is so interesting, I just want to know what the heck happens next + how Jeongguk ended up with this kind of life.

Chrysalism (Jimin x reader) by @workofteaguk: Bookstores have always lured you in with the promise of the quiet, the serene, and, most recently, him.

THIS IS THE SWEETEST FREAKING THING AND I WISH IT WERE LONGER. It made my entire day when I read it and I was smiling the entire time. Where do I have to go to find a cute boy like this???

It’s All Fun & Games (Jeongguk x reader) by @workofteagukIn which you and Jungkook attempt to fake a relationship for revenge and end up with a lot more than either of you expected.

When will fake relationship AUs not be the best thing in existence? The answer to that is never. I don’t care how many times people write this concept, it will always be so fun to read because of the angsty feels. So if you’re as trash for this as I am, then absolutely read this.

Sounds of You (Jimin/Jeongguk x reader) by @vivacioustae​: As a young girl you dreamt of hearing the bells, the ones that signaled you had found your soulmate, the missing piece everyone was so desperate to find. After falling in love with Jimin you abandoned the search, hoping you would come to never hear the bells, preferring to continue your life with him uninterrupted. You’d soon come to learn the harshness of fate, and that it doesn’t care about your hopes, feelings, or you.

Listen, from the very first sentence of this fic, I was completely hooked. From the get go you know that it’s going to mess with your emotions, but it’s worth it. I love this concept so much and my heart is aching reading this. After reading the first part, this fic is all I could think about and my heart ached because I wanted to know what was coming next, but also wasn’t prepared for it. Love love love this.

Teamwork (Taehyung x Seokjin x reader) by @sugajpgPeculiar events occur when the two best volleyball players of your college decide to take competitiveness out of the courts.

Best threesome fic I’ve read so far. I’m just. :’’’’’)) I’m still screaming. Fml this is too good and I feel the flames of hell licking my feet but screw it. Where do I sign up for this?

Like Crazy (Jimin x reader) by @war-of-hormoan: This story is based off the film by the same name.

Because I don’t care about my well-being in any way, I started this fic and I love it so much so far. The film Like Crazy is incredible, but it feels like you’ve been punched in the gut twenty times by the end, and it made me sob… like crazy. So this fic will probably end up doing that too and as nervous as I am for that, it’s so worth it. Everything is written so vividly and the relationship between Jimin and the OC is so sweet to read. I’m really excited to see how this progresses.

Grey Area (Yoongi x reader) by @blushoseoksAnd just like that, your fate was sealed - because Min Yoongi was absolutely going to destroy you. But hell, if you weren’t going to let him, or bask happily in the flames as he did so. And sadly, at the time, you didn’t think that your thoughts would become so literal.

THIS IS SO WELL WRITTEN. SO. WELL. WRITTEN. Ohmygod, I’m in love with this writing style and THE CONCEPT IS AMAZING. The ending of part one left me feeling like I’d been kicked in the gut or something and you’re all ???? wtf is going on??? and you’re completely hooked so you binge read the rest. This fic is perfection.

Until Next Time (Jimin x reader) by @taeverieWho would have guessed that a stranger you met through an online game would quickly escalate into a cyber fuck buddy?

OK OK OK UM LET ME GATHER MY THOUGHTS HERE. First off, how can I be the OC?? Second off, HOW CAN I BE THE OC???? I wouldn’t have the balls to actually be this forward in real life but still, this just kept escalating and they didn’t even really do the hanky panky but it was still hot as fuck and 10/10 would recommend.

Not So Honest (Jeongguk x reader) by @wonhopesJungkook has got a pretty big problem, and he desperately asks you for your help. 

Hi hello yes be prepared to explode ok this was TOO good oml. I’m also a slut for sub!jeongguk because that sinful man deserves to be tortured the way he tortures us so this was a glorious find (though the roles do reverse in the end but whatever THIS WAS GREAT).

Obey (Jimin x reader) by @sugasgrowl

sub!jimin. Must I say more? I spontaneously combusted like ten times while reading this and would gladly undergo that again because it’s so nice to read fics where the roles reversed and I would give up a limb to see Jimin in such a debauched state.

All To Myself (Jimin/Yoongi x reader) by @mint-tape: “It’s hard to be a vlogger when half your subscribers care more about your hot friends than you.”
- Y/N, from her April 23, 2016 vlog titled ‘Jimin shows his stupid abs 8 times (not clickbait)’

THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST CREATIVE FICS I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE. All the ‘videos’ and the ‘comments’ and just everything about this is absolute perfection. The characters are all diverse and the OC is really likeable. Just. I’m glad I found this fic, it’s so unique and all these extra goodies make the read even more fun.

The Blue Notebooks (Jimin x reader) by @inktae: time travel au

Honestly, I don’t even know what to write about this because I’m still speechless. No words can capture how beautiful the writing is (all her work is beautiful) and how well emotion is captured in this. Everything is so thought out and all these little details come together to form the bigger picture. Do yourself a favour and read this as well as all the rest of the OP’s writing. She is so freaking talented and we are all blessed to be able to read her work.

…Sorry, that got ridiculously long. @_@ For member x reader fics I tend to read Jimin/Jeongguk focused stuff, if it’s not incredibly obvious… Oops. Am I Jimin biased or jiguk biased? Anyway. I hope this list helped and I’m sorry it took so long for me to respond, I just wanted to get through some of the fics I had saved in case I wanted to recommend them. Enjoy!

as a white™ to other whites™ in the omgcp fandom i feel like a lot of y'all are afraid to write poc because you dont want to get shit wrong but like fr. its not hard. just dont talk about being black or asian or latino if you dont know what its like. thats it. you can still write them, and have them be your main character, and allow them to be complex. you can be white and write a black character!!! all you have to do is not write about the black experience because you dont personally know about it. that means that you can still have them be black, like things that are typically associated with black culture (if thats what the character is like), and still have human emotions!! it can be done well, like if you take a gander at @geniusorinsanity who writes an amazing nursey!! and if you REALLY don’t feel comfortable making content like that, you can always reblog it!! support those creators, like @hoenursey and @omgcphee and @duanlarissa and @oluranurse and like a billion others!! follow accounts like @omgpocplease !! dont be afraid to show interest in those characters because even if you get called out, its a learning opportunity man. if someone calls you out then you just learn about what you did wrong like nobody is perfect but if you recognize your mistakes, own up to them, and strive to be better itll be okay!!! like the characters you want to, but dont be deterred from the ones you do because you dont want to make people angry!! its just a process of life my friends, we are all on a learning curve. (make content for non-white characters broski. it will enrich your life.)

Thoughts about Justin Foley

There is something that bothers in Justin’s story and the way people react to it. The truth is, Justin did let his friend rape his girlfriend and he did not do anything about it, I am not denying that.
However, Hannah was in the room and she did not do anything either. Reason? She was drunk and scared. And the truth is, so was Justin. I think both of them could have done something to stop Bryce but none of them did. Now, the problem is that people actually expected Justin to stop Bryce rather than Hannah. Why? Because this is what patriarchal society teaches us: the guy is supposed to defend his girl / a girl cannot defend herself or defend another girl against a guy. And that’s wrong. Truth it, Hannah is as guilty as Justin in all this, but people consider Hannah innocent mostly because she is a girl and she was scared whereas Justin, a guy, should have been strong, should have fought for his girl. 

I do believe Justin is more than just a guy who let his best friend force his way onto his girlfriend. He did it, that’s true, and he has no excuse. However, I think we still have a lot to learn from Justin’s character. He is a deeply troubled boy, caught up in a toxic friendship. Truth is, Bryce is behind all of Justin’s actions. That does not mean Justin’s innocent, that just means he’s been influenced by Bryce and I believe that is something to consider. 
Besides, regarding the fact that Justin lied to Jessica about what truly happens, I think it’s important to consider the fact that Justin, just like Hannah was traumatized. Hannah did not go to the police or told Jessica either. Both Justin and Hannah were silenced by trauma because that’s what violence does, that’s what rape does.

I actually had a course on rape and gender violence this year and we talked a lot about how victim-blaming is a major issue regarding the way people deal with rape. In a lot of rape cases, especially when the rapist was someone close to the rape survivor, the victim’s first move is to question themselves, to doubt themselves and to blame themselves. The victim’s first move isn’t always to blame the rapist, especially if they knew them. And I see a little of this in all this story. Jessica keeps hanging out with Bryce even when she finds out what he did and so does Justin, because at first, I don’t think they blame him. They’re both traumatized, they don’t think straight or rationnally. They don’t blame the right person. This is a very usual behavior when it comes to sexual assault and rape issues. Now all this is maybe just a theory, or some personnal thoughts but I can’t help and see a little of that in Justin and Jessica’s story. 

When I saw Justin leave his mom’s house with a gun, I was scared he would shoot himself, but I am glad he didn’t. Because I do believe Justin’s character can evolve, a lot. He still has a lot to learn, a lot to work on. He has to learn how not to depend on Bryce, how to stand up for himself and the people he loves. That’s why I think Justin, even if guilty, is still an interesting character.

[Please share your thoughts with me, and don’t hesitate to correct me if I’m wrong!]

10

SKETCHY BEHAVIORS | Heather Benjamin (RH)

Through her dense and detailed packed line drawings to her more focused ink brush pieces, Rhode Island based artist Heather Benjamin’s work is visceral, cathartic, and autobiographical. It offers a completely unapologetic and unflinching look into an artists’ own struggles with life, body image, self confidence, and sexuality.  We find her and her art to be inspirational, honest and badass.

We recently ran into Heather at her booth at the LA Art Book Fair and caught up with her a few months later to ask about her art, her experiences at RISD, her influences, and her thoughts about her work and her life. 

Photographs courtesy of the artist.

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-Kinetic Abilities Prompt List A Edition

Acidikinesis - Control Sloth

  • I have a personal vendetta against someone wildly more successful than me so I’m trying to make them lazy.
  • You don’t know how to relax so I’m literally filling you with laziness but you just won’t stop.
  • I work at an animal shelter and I sometimes make the animals fit what people are looking for by removing or adding laziness. You haven’t lived until you saw a cat with 0% laziness.

Aciukinesis - Control Sharpness

  • Did you know that most man made spheres are still more jagged than the earth itself? You haven’t experienced softness until you felt a perfectly smooth ball. There’s also not a lot of traction so please cup it in your hands.
  • I’m one of the only chefs here that doesn’t have some sort of hot or cold ability. But me being very clumsy, the ability to make all my knives dull saves my fingers a lot.
  • I keep making all the knives in the kitchen blunt so I can watch my parent-in-law get frustrated and lose their dominance over me.

Aerokinesis - Control Air

  • I can control the air but that doesn’t do a lot so I just got a few wind turbines for my property, so I get power for free. It’s a small win, but I like it. 
  • Sometimes I go to the beach and set up a kite rental booth while making it windy. It doesn’t make much but it helps with rent.
  • No one thinks that controlling air is that cool of a super power until I take it out of their lungs.

Aestatekinesis - Control Summer

  • I hate sweating so I made this summer really mild but it’s affecting my town’s farming economy.
  • I forgot that Alaska’s still supposed to be pretty cold in the summer and I may have made the ice caps melt a little more.

Aggressiokinesis - Control Anger

  • I work in tandem with a crisis clinic and so far, there isn’t a patient I can’t calm down.
  • My anti-aggression dog classes are the best in the business. I even stop by pet shelters.
  • I just love watching these people tear each other limb from limb with blind rage. I’m gonna be sad to see you go though.

Aidoskinesis - Control Humidity

  • One of the only things good about my powers is that I can make my boss’ office so humid they have horrible hair and sweat stains for their meeting with corporate. 
  • My greenhouse is always at the perfect humidity even in the dead of winter.
  • I’m gulty of making someone so humid they’ve taken off their shirt before. It’s a blessing.

Alcokinesis - Control Alcohol

  • You always get too out of hand with your drinking so I just take the alcohol content out of your drinks.
  • My coworker bugs the hell out of me and they’re going in for a company-wide drug test today. I made their breakfast have a healthy amount of alcohol.
  • It’s very fun to see someone pantamime being drunk when they think they are when in actuality I’ve taken all the alcohol out of their drink.

Amokinesis - Control Love and Desire

  • Shit are you actually in love with me or did I manipulate you into liking me?
  • As a joke I was going to make my classmate fall in love with whoever came in next but you did and now I’m very jealous.
  • I make people forget about me when we break up so it’s easy on them but I can’t get rid of my own love for them, even when there’s no chance of getting back together ever now. 

Anthracokinesis - Control Coal

  • I like being alone so I move to Centralia and just turn off the surrounding coals when I’m walking over them. It’s very quiet but very smoky. I need to leave town to buy a gas mask.
  • I bought a bit of land and made a little mine before buying a truckload of coal and just stiking it in the walls. Then, I compressed it all into diamonds.
  • So my parents gave me a little tough love as a child and gave me a piece of coal one christmas. I’ll admit, I was a naughty child. But that piece of coal made me learn of my powers. It’s the only piece I’ll never manipulate anymore.

Antikinesis - Control Antimatter

  • No you can’t come to my antimatter dimension. It’s very private.
  • I think we had a good run, I’m just gonna get a black hole in here real quick.
  • I always wanted to visit Chernobl, good thing I can just sort of turn off the gamma radation and go for a walk. 

Argentokinesis - Control Silver

  • Whoops I’m in werewolf country better make all my clothes and stuff have silver mesh.
  • “Yes this is genuine gold” I say to someone when I took the silver content out of a ring.
  • So I don’t have the best impulse control. I made my rude neighbor’s prized dog into a silver statue and now it’s like… eighty sets of flatwear.

Arthrokinesis - Control Joints

  • I may be a very inactive person, but damned if my joints ever pop. I’m doing sprints anytime I feel like it.
  • I got too excited testing how much I could let my joints move and may have dislocated by shoulder. 
  • Yes, I tried to suck my own dick. Yes, I should have realized that there is actually bone stopping me from bending my spine like that. Don’t laugh at me.

Asterokinesis - Control Cosmic Energy

  • I’ve ascended to be the god of the universe and all I want to do is to stop being in charge and just have some time off for once.
  • I saw how much earth was desperate to meet other beings so I made some closer planets support life. 
  • I’m not just some giant being in space. I’m a regular person. I buy groceries, collect rocks, and I’m desperate for people to never know I made them. 

Astrakinesis - Control Astral Energy

  • I am nearly constantly disassociating. The good news is that I have like thirty dream selves I can be while the others go on autopilot. 
  • I can see spirits so I just deal with ghosts for a living. Most of the time they’re just confused.
  • I can work as a medium for ghosts to talk through but you roleplaying with your dead datemate is the last straw.

Astronkinesis - Control Remnants of Cosmic Substances

  • I realized that in my lifetime I would never see a mission to a star so I made some much closer to us.
  • I don’t feel like this world’s really going anywhere. I’m just gonna supernova the sun next weekend. 
  • My tarot card readings are always perfect and I sincerely want you to leave the country.

Atmokinesis - Control Weather

  • I am the best weather forecaster the world has ever seen. I work for a small town in rural country though. I think I have five hundred viewers on a daily basis? 
  • I always make sure my neighbor’s/parent’s/friend’s/etc farm gets the best weather.
  • My entrences are always punctuated with lightening and I love it.

Atomkinesis - Control Atoms

  • It’s like 3-D printing, only much better. Check out this awesome watch I made.
  • I hope you like nuclear wastelands, because that’s what you’re getting.
  • Surprise, your house is full of radon gas!it’ll stay that way until you do what I say.

Audiokinesis - Control Sound 

  • Nothing quite like a day of absolute silence when you have an audio processing disorder.
  • Movies are very fun to watch when I can make one character silent and just ad lib the dialogue.
  • The fact that I can chat style silence someone is the best.

Aurokinesis - Control Aura

  • I can see how people act before ever talking to them, that’s why you’re the only one in the room I’m going to talk to. 
  • Where I live, auras are very important. So I can easily hide among them as someone without giving an inkling of malice.
  • I personally hate you so now you get too radiate bad energy until you apologize. 

Aurokinesis - Control Gold

  • I’m allergic to what they use in fake gold but I have no money for good jewelry so I just make it gold after I buy it for cheap. 
  • It’s not quite the Midas touch, but I’ve pulled that prank before. 
  • I make golden jewelry and sculptures by making them out of clay/wood/etc and turning them into gold for huge profits.

Autumnuskinesis - Control Autumn

  • My hometown capitalizes on my love of pumpkins and sweater weather by becoming a destination for those looking to beat the heat but don’t want to own a down jacket. 
  • I can make things rot. So I rotted my neighbor’s garden a week before harvest. 
  • I make autumn immediately follow winter so now the world’s harvesting systems are fucked because I get pollen allergies. 

Avarikinesis - Control Greed

  • I’m trying to make the world fair by taking all the greed out of high-ranking officials but sometimes that was their only driving force and they have no actual job experience. 
  • I made someone comically greedy because being a superhero in a town in which no banks need protecting is boring.
  • I want so desperately to not have to take greed out of anymore people. It’s getting so tiring. I need to go on a vacation. 

Avikinesis - Control Avains

  • Having hawks fly to my aide when my boss was giving me shit in the parking lot was definitely a sweet move.
  • I may live in this cottage alone, but these birds are more than enough company. One of them just told me about someone who ate shit on pavement last week in a city ten miles away. It’s awesome.
  • “Bats fly, right? Why can’t I control bats?” “Please just let me do my work.” ‘What about bugs?” “Please go home.” “Do flying fish count?”
Accuse me of not working my full 40, we'll see about that.

(long story: tl;dr at the end)

My job received some dramatic changes with the labor law changes from late last year. While it’s not technically law right now, my company is enforcing our policy to test the waters and see how it works for us. Basically this means, I can only work 40 hours a week. No overtime approval is available. Any days we work over 8 hours we have to use compensated time (comp time) to even it out. To help maintain office coverage we have meetings to plan our comp time.

To clarify, we can only use our comp time only on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays since we need a full staff on Monday and Fridays to assist our sales team. Also we can’t use it to come in late or leave early. So basically we’re left with taking long lunches (2.5-3 hours sometimes) right in the middle of the work day. But randomly, they’ll give us full days off when we work 6:30-7 hours on a weekend (which is nice, but this also is creating productivity problems). The staff who are a part of this have grown very frustrated because these long lunches are interfering with our work, meetings, appointments, and for the commuting staff they have to sit in their office for a long period of time and do nothing. Finally after a few months of this ineffective system, we told our CEO that we need to discuss some changes we think would make this better for everyone. He meets with our Exec Team and they agreed to attend our comp meeting to discuss things.

So, this Monday we all walk into the meeting with some level of hope. At the very least we’ll be heard and be able to say that we’d like to be able to come in a little late or leave a little early when things are slower. Our CEO explains his view on comp time and then a co-worker of mine explains how it isn’t working for us and it’s causing problems. Now our CEO is normally a chill guy, but he used an angry and defensive tone I’ve never seen before and went on a 15 minute rant about comp time. His rant included:

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Dinner Party

Summary: After Bucky returns home from a mission all you want to do is stay in bed (naked) all day with him. But you two have to go to a friend’s birthday to make things fun he proposes a little game.

Paring: Bucky x Reader.

Words: 2575

Warnings:  There is a lot in fuffly in this, but also SMUT and loats of teasing.

This is a one-shot

Thank you to @drinkfantasy, for being my beta you are the best.

Originally posted by sebstanslaugh

You look at yourself in the mirror, felling happy about your appearance. You are wearing one of your favorites dresses, it is navy blue with a modest cleavage in the front and another masive one in the back.

You look cute for your friend’s birthday, your make up it’s done in a very simple away, just some mascara and lip gloss. You turn around and see Bucky who is lying on your bed almost sleeping. You sit by his side and he hides his face on your lap. You start playing with his hair, making him moan at your gentle actions.

“Are you sure you want to come along? You can stay here and sleep a little. I won’t hold against you if you don’t come with me.” You know that he is tired, Bucky came back home around 4 a.m. from a two weeks mission and he only slept a few hours.

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"Being Fuckable Does Not Mean Being Date-able." [Dylan O’brien] Pt. 1

THANK YOU FOR 1k FOLLOWERS GUYS!!!! This is probably the last request I’ll ever do. And it’s from a long time ago. Sorry. Requests kind of give me writers block because of the certain plot that has to go with it so forgive me if I never got to yours, but enjoy this last one because after this I will just write what comes to mind! MY BOX IS STILL OPEN FOR COMMENTS OR QUESTIONS THOUGH!!! 


anon: Heyyy buddy I think you writing is amazing could you do one where the reader is drunk and at a party Dylan had to take her home and she accidentally tells him that she likes him then the morning after he confronts her about it.

My eyes were very focused on my ipad settled below my chin. Laying on my stomach, I felt my shoulders begin to cramp. I grabbed my ipad and laid my back on the pillows trying to desperately finish the story before I start to get ready for my plans later. I had a guilty pleasure, it was reading dirty stories, Dylan somehow never teased me about it, but from time to time he did laugh a little. 

“Are you reading smut again?” Dylan’s voice rang through my ears. I forgot he was beside me now curiously looking over to see what I was doing. 

“Yes and?” He put his hands up in defense as his eyebrows worked their way closer to each other.

“Nothing Rachel Green.”

“Shut up Joey.” I said responding to his ‘Friends’ reference, the episode where Joey found out Rachel was reading a dirty book. My eyes scanned the paragraphs as I was trying to get back to where I was, “How come you read smut when you literally can get sex whenever you can, “

My attention was very much now on him already knowing what was coming. His eyes wandered and paused directly at my lips. It’s like he realized his stare was starting to affect me that he tilted his eyes back to mine.

“Uh, what I mean is that I’ve seen you do it.” He explained in order for me to not interpret it wrong.

Was he serious? Well because Dylan, you are my best friend, and when I read these books I picture you in them with me but I know fucking your best friend would be weird for you. 

That’s what I should of said, but instead the words jumbled up into,

 “Because it’s entertaining to see the climax and story of the couple right before they fuck, and even staying for the resolution after.” I stated, not even bothering to look at him any longer with the intent of wanting to jump every bone of his body as I kept reading further.

I could see his hands intertwining together as both of them were playing around with each other between his legs. His eyes kept directing at me as if waiting for me to answer sincerely.

“Okay because I have needs Dylan! Did you really want me to say that I get horny a lot?” I rolled my eyes as his smile plastered pure satisfaction after I fezzed up.

“But horny of what? Just go have sex? There’s something you’re not telling me here.” He paused.

 “Better yet,  just fuck me.” he shrugged. He always flirted as a joke so casually  and it irritated the hell out of me. 

For us, saying, ‘fuck me’ is a regular one on one jokingly flirting with each other thing. We always joke sexually but lately it was becoming hard for me to just act like I didn’t want him to pound into me. I had it bad for my ‘best friend’. 

These love stories with smut in them focused on two things I wanted most, Dylan’s affection and his- well, dick. I didn’t want to be just friends anymore, I wanted something real with him. I read the cliche wattpad books with the plot of best friends falling for each other, pathetic in my situation, believe me, I know.

“No.” I rolled my eyes for the second time hinting at him to stop and wasn’t in the mood for casual jokes.

“You wouldn’t fuck me?” His hand went over his chest pretending to be insulted. I was getting really sick of this, I was ready to snap. He wanted to play? Alright Let’s play.

I pressed the button on the corner of my ipad for it to rest, I could feel stare behind me as he watched me place it on the night stand. All the attention was on him now,

“You know, what? I wouldn’t mind doing something right now. And since you keep interrupting me..” His curious eyes followed my actions.

“Let’s have sex.” I could of sworn that if he had water right now he would spit it right out. His eyes were left in shock to what I had just mentioned which caused me to smirk. I never responded to his jokes, I usually just laughed or rolled my eyes, but it was annoying me now. He needed to learn a lesson.

 After several rapid blinks he managed to let out a stutter, “I- do you like me?” A huge smile on his face suddenly appeared, His hand started to caress my cheek. Did he think I was joking?

His question caught me by surprise so I stepped back a little. I was terribly afraid of his rejection. If he didn’t feel the same way, everything would be ruined. 

“What? No!” I laughed it off, “Dylan, I said I would fuck you, because let’s admit it, you are hot. But an emotional attachment? Hell no. You’re my best friend?” That is not what I wanted to say at all, but I did not want to be humiliated. His face dropped and went back to a careless expression, his eyes turned darker and they broke contact with mine as his hand extracted from my face.

“Being fuck-able does not mean being date-able.” I leaned forward as I made my way across him. My legs were now snaking around his waist as he was sitting down gasping at my every movement as I sat down on him quickly.

 “What’s wrong? Tired of all the sexual jokes?” My lips whispered into to his ear. “Cause I am.” I said lower, “You should put them to the test.” Just as I was about to lean a tad bit close to his lips, his hands grabbed my chin and stopped me.

“Can you just drop it? I get it, I got a taste of my own medicine.” He grabbed my arms in a careful way but shoved me softly off him. He was heading out of my door, as he turned around not even looking at me, suddenly he had such interest in his phone. It’s what he does when he’s mad or annoyed. He avoids eye contact with me and goes on his phone/

“Don’t forget we planned a night out today, I’ll come by at eight.”

And with that he rushed out of my house leaving me utter shock. What was with the sudden attitude? His cold answers really started to made me wonder if I made him uncomfortable with my reaction. He has rejected to fuck me? Of course I wasn’t going though with it but he left before I finished.

It stung so bad. As if I wasn’t good enough to have sex with? My ego was getting to me but I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed of this whole situation. He thought he got a taste of his own medicine? He hasn’t seen the half of it. He wasn’t getting away with embarrassing me that easy.

**

Four hours later passed and It was almost eight. I made sure to look extra tonight, cause I was an extra bitch. The knocks on the door soon startled me. He came twenty minutes later than he said but I was okay with it.

 He was moody again. He stood a few more seconds at the door, “are we leaving?” still typing on his phone.

“Yes, i just need to get my purse and put on lipstick. Are you just gonna stand there and wait?” His eyes shot up and once he got a hold of the sight, he stared up and down at me. I was wearing a short black tight dress as my black heels complimented it. My hair was straightened, and I hardly straighten it. I go more for the curls usually. My make up was the same yet I added wing eyeliner.

He gasped for about ten seconds as he moved his hand up on down his lip. “Why are you wearing that?” He quickly rushed to my couch as he grabbed a cushion and somehow put it on his lap. He was fidgeting a bit, a normal person wouldn’t notice but I just paid too much attention.

“I’m going to try to get fucked tonight, you’re right. I shouldn’t be reading things about it I should just go get the real thing.” I replied coldly.

“You know I was kidding about that. Read all the porn you want.” He winked playfully.

“Cute.” I laughed mockingly. His expression turned cold again as he rolled his eyes. “Fine. Um I’m going to wait in the car.” 

“Kay.” This time I didn’t bother to look back as he left to his car. His annoying mood swings were getting on my nerves.

When we got to the club, Dylan’s grip was hesitant, as if he didn’t want to let me go and enjoy myself. “Let’s go dance!” His eyes landed on my dress again, “ Yeah let’s not. Let’s go get a drink or two first.” His grip was still on my waist.

I could see his protective side coming out, and it was irritating to say the least. “Fine.” I fake smiled to show him I was annoyed. 

Six shots later, it was finally kicking in. I was already heading to the dance floor, I could tell Dylan was watching from a far. His eyes rolled so far back every time he saw me interact with a guy, it was ridiculous.

It didn’t take long before he saw I was a little too drunk that I couldn’t keep up with my feet. “Alright, we should go now.”  He gently intertwined my arm with his as he took us to the exit. 

“Dylan! I was about to get some tonight, now they’re going to think you’re like my boyfriend and not want to talk to me!”

“Good.” He lead us towards his car. “How much did you drink?” I asked as we both got inside.

“I drank other beverages, I’m the designated driver remember.” He said harshly. I didn’t say one word to him the whole ride home, but I could tell we were going to his since it was closer. He was being so rude that every time he spoke, my heart ached a bit more.

The silence wasn’t awkward, he knew when something was bugging me so he just doesn’t add to it.

When the car stopped at my house, I was afraid of facing him to say bye or anything because there was a tear that escaped my eye and I swiped it quickly off. if I said anything he would still notice because of my shaky voice.

“Y/N.” His voice said from a distance but I blocked it out as I kept looking down at my shoes.

“Hey Y/N. Are you crying?” Dylan scooted closer as he cupped my cheeks. 

“You’ve been so distant this whole day after I made a move on you. I mean I get it, we’re best friends and you’d never go for more than that. You’d never love me the way I love you, but the fact that you don’t see me as a desirable person? It’s worse than punching me in the face.”

 I felt my sadness overcome me as my sleepiness mixed with it. My eyes started to close as my tears still kept streaming out.

“And it hurts Dylan.” I managed to say in my sad, sleepy voice. “It hurts so much because I want to be your everything, and seeing you that disgusted of me just teared me.” And sleep soon consumed my brain I was out with my as the water droplets from my eyes barely started to dry. Guess crying yourself to sleep is a real thing?

Dylan however was very much awake. He was speechless, and he was positive I wasn’t going to remember a thing in the morning.

The confronting will be in the second part!