because i am and i still have a lot to learn

to early emphasis: dear cloud’s nine has confirmed that she was asked by jonghyun to post his final note before passing to fans. she has also confirmed that she was given the blessing from his family to share it with the world. you can find confirmation of this here. below will be proper triggers for this post as it is not easy to read. i will also leave nine’s comment that she left on her post as it is important in regards to why she was asked to post it. if you feel that i have missed any please do not hesitation message me on my personal blog (jaekyung) and i will add them as quickly as i am able to. also thank you to sonexstella for translating.

—-

trigger warning(s): death tw, depression tw, suicide ideation tw, suicide tw

nine: i said my final goodbye with jonghyunnie. even after seeing his smiling portrait of the deceased, it still feels like jonghyunnie will come to me and smile as if all of this was a dream.

starting from awhile back, jonghyunnie told me his dark and deep internal stories. i think each day was very difficult for him. i kept having uneasy thoughts so i made it known to his family and tried my hardest to capture his heart but it only ended up postponing time and i could not block his last (action).

i still cannot believe he is not in this world and it’s so painful. i’m still afraid, not knowing if it’s the right thing to upload these words but jonghyun himself asked me to please upload these words if he disappeared from this world. i wished this day would never come …

after discussing with his family i am uploading his final note, according to his last wishes. i think that there must be a reason why he left this up to me. i worry that there will be controversy. however, i think that he predicted this and asked me, so i decided that i will do the one last thing i can do for jonghyunnie.

i hope everyone knows now that jonghyun was not alone and that he worked hard … that he did really well … please thank him for withstanding well …

beautiful jonghyun, i really love you a lot. going forward, i will love you a lot. in that place, please don’t be in pain and i hope you will be peaceful …

—-

i am broken from the inside. depression that slowly ate away at me ended up swallowing me. i couldn’t beat it. i hated myself. i held onto memories that have died out and, even though i shouted to snap out of it, there was no response. if suffocating breaths will not open up it’s better instead to stop.

i asked who can take responsibility for myself. it’s you. i was completely alone. it’s easy to say you’ll end it. it’s hard to end it. i lived up to now admist that difficulty. you said i wanted to run away. that’s right. i wanted to run away. from myself. from you.

i asked who was there. i said it was me. again, it was me. and once again, it was me. i asked why i kept losing memories. it’s my personality. i see. in the end, it’s all my fault.

i hoped someone would notice, but no one knew. never met me, so of course, no one knew i was there. i asked why i was living. just. just. everyone just lives. if i asked why someone would die, you would say you’re exhausted. i suffered from concern. i never learned how to change tiresome pains into joy. pain is just pain.

i urged myself not to be like that. why? why can’t i end it according to my own will? i tried to find out why i was in pain. i knew too well. i am in pain because of myself. it’s all because it’s my fault and because i’m foolish.

teacher, did you want to hear these words? no. i did nothing wrong. when he blamed my personality with a quiet voice i thought it was so easy to be a doctor.

it’s fascinating to see why i’m in this much pain. people who have more hardships than i do live well. people who are weaker than me live well. maybe that’s not it. of people who are alive, there is no one who has more hardships than i do, and who is weaker than i am.

despite this, i was told to live. i asked why this is the case a hundred times, and it’s never for me. it’s for you. i wanted it to be for me. please don’t say things you don’t know. find out why it’s difficult. i told you many times why it’s difficult for me. with that, is it not possible for it to be this difficult? does there need to be more concrete drama? are you wanting more of a story? i already told you. did you not pay attention? what i can overcome doesn’t leave a scar.

colliding with the world must not have been my fate. being known to the world must not have been my life. that’s why everything was difficult. colliding, and being known was difficult. why did i chose that. it’s a funny incident.

it’s commendable that i was able to withstand up to this point. what more can i say? just tell me i worked hard. that i did a good job. that i went through a lot. even if you can’t smile, please don’t send me off in blame.

you worked hard. you went through a lot. goodbye.

Movies I learned sugar skills from

We all know Marilyn Monroe, Angelina Jolie, and Halle Berry are some of the gems we have in movies now. But I’ve watched a lot of movies that helped me gain the sugar personas I had and I want to share some of those with you all.

Girlfriend experience

This is one of the more popular movies for sex workers and it is now a tv series. I personally liked it because I was ending a relationship while I was sugaring and I did feel some of the ways Christine felt.

Another thing I loved about this movie was the documentation and research this girl did on her clients. I use to have a notebook filled with all my POTs and SDs info, status, job info, likes and dislikes, turn ons, etc. My ex stole it a while ago but lucky for me I didn’t write down searchable info, even the names were in code.

I would recommend this as the first to watch before you binge watch sex work movies like I did.

Originally posted by haidaspicciare

Memoirs of a geisha

This is one of my personal favorites because I love the Asian culture when it comes to beauty. The grace, the discipline, and the routine of these woman is really what got me.

When I saw that one look method I was determined to get it to work for me. The Kama Sutra movie below also helped me achieve this. But nothing gets a man across the room faster than an enchanting look from a beautiful woman in their direction.

From this movie I was able to learn how to move more gracefully which is very attractive for men who like “exotic” women. So if you got hips sway them, if you have long legs be swift with your steps, and if your hand are flawless move them like a water bender on avatar (anime joke).

The Treacherous

This movie is very gory so if that’s not your thing don’t watch it. But it does show some intense training for courtesans (old world Asia times).

The seductiveness of these women turned me on so I knew the same methods would turn any man on too. My favorite seductive move is the removing of clothes shown in the beginning scenes where the man challenged the woman to a strip game.

Another scene that showed me a lot of gems was the actual training of the women and how they were to taught to please. I even got some old school hoe tips for my Vag in this movie.

Kama Sutra

Yes it is spelled right and yes it is about using Karma Sutra. If you want a movie example of how some Karma Sutra techniques work then look no further.

This movie showed me how equally important foreplay is for men as it is for us. It showed little snippets of how even feeding can be sensual for men. My favorite tip from the movie would have to be the eye movements of the women while they danced. Those eyes have gotten me compliments from many dance teachers because they could see sexiness in my eyes.

Just look at these eyes:

Originally posted by jillianroses

Etiquette of a mistress

In case you haven’t noticed by now I watch a lot of Asian movies. This one in particular is informative and funny so you’ll really enjoy watching it.

If you’re a sugar that deals with a lot of married men this movie is for you. It shows you how to be properly discrete with your time together and how to deal with the cons of a married man. The best part of this movie is it shows the perspective of a veteran and a newbie, so I know my vets will enjoy this if they or helping any newbies out there.

Wolf on wall street

This is of course on here because of the famous Naomi character that we love so much. Her sharp tongue is definitely needed when you are trying to pass through all the BS talk. But another thing to pay attention to is her physical presentation of herself. Her style with her looks was like devil in a red dress but with diamonds add.

Two can play that game

This one is mostly for my brown SBs who are close to their mid 20s.

In the 2000s this movie was like the black woman’s player guide. I’ve used many of these strategies to get men back on track to what I wanted. My little black dress is still in the closet waiting for the day my fiance acts up.

One thing from that movie I don’t do is flaunt another man because doing that in this world can severe ties real quick.

A lot of people focus on Shante in this movie but I also loved watching Conny too. Mainly because I love Gabrielle Union’s acting especially in Being Mary Jane.

Originally posted by spacecadet

Whoresglory

I didn’t learn much from this movie for my personal gain but I did learn a lot about sex work around the world. So if you’re just interested in a movie that shows you different kinds of sex workers watch this.

Breakfast at Tiffany

I love a good Audrey Hepburn movie because her white woman swag is just as awesome as Marilyn’s. She taught me how to be sweet and

youthful while also being mysterious and unavailable.

Being sweet and youthful is what kept my men feeling lucky to have me. But being mysterious and unavailable at times is what kept them on their toes and more willing do what was needed to “secure” me.

Originally posted by be-holder-com

Show Girls

I’m starting to think I should’ve tried stripping because sexy dancing is one of my favorite things to do. Expressing with my body is like art to me but I was probably right not to strip, I would get addicted.

This movie however made me more glamorous and aggressive when it came to my sexy looks. I never got a chance to see real show girls in Vegas but I’m pretty sure I would be in awe by them. I’ve never been a glamorous person but after this movie I started adding a little shimmer and glitter to my style.

Chicago

Again with the dancing lol, I’m sorry ladies but these women, even with out the dancing were phenomenal. The He Made Me Do It song was an all time favorite for me.

But as far as lessons I started to see how competitive women could be when it comes to money and credibility/fame.

I learned on movies like this how to out smart them when it comes to whales.There have been many new girls who tried taking my main SD away from me but they couldn’t get to my relationship quality. Even when girls did get some dates from other SDs of mine they didn’t last long. So please remember ladies quality and good relationships always wins when it comes to real SDs.

Josephine Baker Biography

My girl next door persona has always got me the most money. So when I saw this biography I started mastering it. Her happy demeanor and tiny voice was so close to mine it wasn’t hard to practice.

What made me the happiest, was that even though she was sweet, innocent, and goofy she was also sensual. She knew how to express her sexuality without taking away from her innocence.

The end of the movie was sad and showed a lot of her flaws but she was still iconic.

Originally posted by barbara-stanwyck

Confessions of a Brazilian Call Girl

I can’t remember if this is based on a true story are not but it’s amazing. Especially with the online social platforms we have now, this movie has been very useful. This woman on here became a high class call girl based on online status alone.

She was also another person I looked to for glam sexuality and showed many women that even average women can dominate the sex world. There were bad parts like her cockiness and drug use but if she would’ve stayed in her grind she would’ve still been raking in millions. One thing this movie can show you (on the bad side) is that you should never try to “Keep up with the Jones” even in the sex world because it’s never greener on the other side.

Call Me: The Rise and fall of Hiede Fliess

If you don’t know Hiede Fliess, look her up now. She’s the greatest when it comes to call girls. The tactics she used to get where she was is amazing. She really knew how to keep connections with her clients and how to get other girls money.

I don’t know what she does now but I do respect the contributions she’s made to the sex work industry. If you’re in LA or Hollywood you should really watch this movie.

Some notable tv women I watch

Joseline Hernandez

She’s so unapologetic about who she is and will get money by any means necessary. Her and Cardi B are like alter egos I wish I had sometimes.

Originally posted by joselinehernandezgifs

Cardi B

She is one of the realest woman I’ve seen on TV and she used what she had to get her fame. Now that she got it she is doing here to the max and I’m happy for her.

Nene Lakes

I can see myself being like Nene when I get older and wealthier. She is a star in many forms and doesn’t let these women or her man interfere with her money. She went from housewife to breadwinner even outside of the show.

Originally posted by realitytvgifs

Whitley Gilbert

I get all my bougie ways from Ms. Whitley lol. Really she was a good representation of a high class but down to earth black woman for me. She started out a little too much for me but after some seasons she grew on me. I’m always a sucker for tiny voiced women because mines is tiny too (Not as annoying as hers).

Tasha Patrick

Now I’m going to be honest I just started watching power but I love this women’s attitude. She’s sexy, ride or die, and also strategically vengeful. I might update this after I finish the show but for now that’s all I have to say.

Originally posted by justalittletumblweed

Phaedra Parks

This woman beats me in being bougie and extra. I’ve never seen anyone who goes all out like she does. When I was in college I always wanted to be a like southern belle with curves so when this show came on I was tuned in. If you ever wanted to see an example of a curvy southern belle that can still get a little ghetto, Here she is.



This list is just a few of the many women I’ve watched to perfect my personas.

Now, when I switch my persona it’s not to completely change who I am but helps me adapt to different environments.


For example: If my SD likes to watch football games from his box then I’m not going to go into my prim and proper mode, I’m going to bring out girl next door me.


Depending on what your daddy likes you’re going to be put in different types of atmosphere and if you’re black than your going to need to adapt. The way to more opportunities is by building your credibility which is usually based on how much people like you. You re like an undercover celebrity lol.

Now if you don’t want to change that’s fine but that’s what’s work for me.

I change up like a Johnny Depp Movie role

Originally posted by yourlifeisinsanity

Hope this all was helpful to you ladies.

Much Love T

2

comparing and contrasting 

I’m biased to no end, but I always did get a weird vibe from Peridot whenever we had a barn episode with Lapis. Sudden change in personality? Too much smiles? Too happy-go-lucky? Too much fanon cutesy gremlin peridot feel? I always thought I was just too attached to my own mental interpretation of Peridot and blind to actual canon Peridot, but now I can finally pin point my issue. 

Keep reading

FINLAND 1 - 0 - 0 🇫🇮

A QUICK COMPILATION OF ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW - AND WISH YOU NEVER DID.

1. You may call us Finland and Finns, but we call ourselves Suomi and suomalaiset.

2. Altho if you don´t mind, we would rather you did not call us anything ever. Actually if we could both pretend each other doesn´t even exist, that would be just great!

3. Yes we are a notoriously shy and reserved nation with a gigantic inferiority complex - especially when compared to our neighbor Sweden.

4. Who incidentally we loooooove beating in hockey.

5. Saimaannorppa aka Saimaa ringed seal can only be found in Finland and is highly endangered.

According to a count done in 2015, there are only about 320 individuals left, and therefore quite understandably whenever one is found dead in a fisherman´s net or by the hands of a poacher etc., it causes headlines and outrages.

6. 70% of Finland is made up of forests - that´s roughly the size of the entire area of the United Kingdom.

7. Finland was awarded the Summer Olympics for 1940, but then things got all sorts of fucked up thanks to Adolf & co., so those plans were scrapped even tho we had a brand-spanking new Olympic stadium and everything! Dammit!

Oh well, we were compensated in 1952 when we finally got the honor of hosting our only (so far) Olympic games.

8. Those 1952 Olympics were the first time Coca Cola was introduced to Finns.

9. No, we do not have polar bears.

10. We also don´t have KFC, Wendy´s or Dunkin´ Donuts.

11. Yes I am very upset about all those things mentioned above but especially about KFC.

12. Finland was the first country in Europe which gave women the right to vote (1906).

13. The Finnish language does not separate words such as “she” or “he”. We just use a gender-neutral “hän”, which means “that person”.

14. The national bird of Finland is the whooper swan.

15. Helsinki has the world´s most Northern metro system.

16. Savonlinna hosts their annual Opera Festival in a Medieval castle.

17. We are vindictive and petty as HELL. Just ask Silvio Berlusconi.

http://kmp78.tumblr.com/post/155861218049/finland-chronicles-part-14

18. A Finnish person will drink approximately 129 litres of milk a year.

19. Some years ago, the word for mother (”äiti”) was voted the most beautiful word in the Finnish language.

20. Moomins are, as some of you MAY REMEMBER FROM A SPECIFIC DEBACLE FROM EARLIER THIS YEAR, from Finland and were created by OUR Miss Tove Jansson.

21. Unlike many other countries which after gaining independence tore down all statues and other remnants of their history under foreign rule, in Finland we chose to keep ours up as reminders of our past.

For example, on our main square aka the Senate Square you will find Czar Alexander II standing proudly.

22. And speaking of statues, one of the landmarks of Helsinki is Havis Amanda.

It depicts a mermaid who decides to leave the sea and walk on… well, not water.

Each year on April 30th, she is “crowned” with a cap, to represent all those who have graduated from secondary school and earned their caps.

23. As of 2010, internet access has been a legal right in Finland.

24. Do you have one of those cupboard things over your kitchen sink, the kind where you place your dishes to dry?

That was invented by a Finnish woman called Maiju Gebhard in 1945.

25. The longest word in the Finnish language is “epäjärjestelmällistyttämä­ttömyydelläänsäkäänköhän”, which loosely translates to “not even by her lack of organization, do you suppose”.

26. Angry Birds are from here.

27. Finland is also the birth place of the most successful ski jump champions of all time, Matti Nykänen.

28. After his sports career came to an end, Matti has been a permanent fixture in the tabloids with his… issues… involving alcohol abuse, domestic abuse (he even served time in prison for attempting to kill one of his many ex-wives) and an assortment of careers including stripping and now singing. 

He is also responsible for one of our most beloved and useful quotes of all time: back in the 80s when he was still jumping from towers and competing in Canada, he got into some “situations” and was sent back home as punishment. When he arrived at the airport, a journo asked him “Matti, did you drink alcohol?”, to which Matti replied “Maybe I did drink, maybe I didn´t drink”.

All bases covered then!

The man is a fucking genius.

29. There are absolutely ZERO public payphones anywhere in Finland.

30. For a very short period of time back in, Finland had a female president AND a  female Prime Minister. 

Sadly that arrangement came to an abrupt end when the Prime Minister was forced to resign over a scandal involving some sort of Iraq documents which I´m still, a decade later, completely baffled by.

31. As those who come on this blog surely know by now, Yours Truly is a passionate berry picker - and being a berry nut in Finland is easy indeed since a) we have one of the cleanest natures in the world and b) all living things you find in nature, you can keep - within reason, of course.

Usually a good principle is to keep about 100 meters distance from the nearest house. Other than that, you´re good to go!

32. People in in Northern Finland aka Lapland area have a very specific unit of measurement called the “poronkusema” which could be loosely translated to “Reindeer´s piss”. Roughly it means the distance a reindeer can walk before needing to urinate. It´s quite a long distance…

33. Our current President Sauli Niinistö is a survivor of the tragic tsunami which took place in South-East Asia on Dec 26, 2004. Over 200 000 people (including almost 200 Finnish tourists) died in one of the worst natural disasters of our time - Mr. Niinistö and his sons saved their own lives by climbing up a telephone pole and staying there for several hours.

34. In Finland October 13th is National Failure Day which aims to encourage people to share their failures and learn from them rather than hide their heads in shame and pretend all is well.

35. The REAL Santa Claus lives up in Rovaniemi and you can visit his village all year long.

36. Sheldon gave us a good laugh and an ego boost.

37. We like eating Rudolf with lingonberries and mash.

38. On some years we get A LOT of snow, but on others we get practically none. Back in 1997, in Lapland the snow reached up to 190 cm.

Incidentally I am 155 cm.

39. In the Finnish language there is an alphabet called Å which isn´t actually a part of a single Finnish word in the entire Finnish language - it is simply a remnant from our many centuries spent under Swedish rule.

40. Unesco has reported that Finland´s tap water is the cleanest in the world.

41. A handy Finnish saying: “Early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese”.

42. For some God forsaken reason, Finland and Estonia have the same national anthem.

43. Sadly accurate these days.

44. Sadly accurate these days.

45. Rosina Heikel (1842 - 1929) was Finland´s and in fact the Nordic countries 1st female doctor.

46. When something is a failure/a dud, the common term in the English language is “a lemon”. Over here, it´s “susi”. Susi also means wolf.

47. And susi should not be confused with sisu! 

48. In Lapland you can spend your vacation in an igloo.

49. Fines for speeding are determined by the offender´s income. Basically if you earn more, you have to pay more. The highest fines have been over 100 000 €. Stay poor, kids!

50. Pamela Anderson´s grandparents were from Finland.

51. Yes we like getting our drinks on, and most of us go abroad to Tallinn to get our drinks on for a lot less €s.

52. In Lapland, the Sun never rises from November to January.

53. In reverse, the Sun never sets from June to July. We call it “The Nightless night”.

54. Finland has exactly 1 Eurovision victory under its belt.

55. In 2018 Saara Aalto will be repping us.

Please vote for us. Please?

56. Nokia became famous for their mobile phones, but originally they manufactured rubber boots.

57. We don´t dub movies or TV shows.

58. We do however sometimes give them ridiculous and extremely SPOILER ALERT-y names. For example, “The Shawshank Redemption” was translated to “Rita Hayworth - Key to escape”.

I mean… C´MOOOOON!

59. Sometimes that´s all you can do.

60. Simo Häyhä aka “White Death” was one of the deadliest snipers of all time. During a 3 month stretch of the Winter War, he shot roughly 200 Russian soldiers before getting shot in the face himself. He survived and lived to be 96.

61. We don´t use the 1 and 2 cent coins. You CAN try paying with them as they of course are legal currency, but there are no guarantees you´ll get very far.

62. Feb 14th may be a day for lovers for the rest of the world, but we know it as “Friend´s Day”.

63. Tipping is not (thankfully) a part of the Finnish culture.

64. The guy longing for Sven in Titanic (the coat dude) was portrayed as a Swede, but was actually a Finn called Jari Kinnunen.

65. Karelian pies with egg butter are the best thing ever.

66. Märket island which is situated between Finland and Sweden had to have the border lines twisted a bit because the Finns who built that lighthouse, accidentally built it on the wrong side…

67. While often named as one of the 5 Scandinavian countries, Finland isn´t technically even a part of Scandinavia: we ARE however a part of the Nordic countries.

68. If you are invited to a Finnish sauna, you are expected to go nude.

69. Finnish armed forces are mandatory for men but voluntary for women.

70. Moomin mugs are peculiarly popular especially among Asian tourists. They can sometimes pay even thousands for rare ones.

71. We never had vikings, but there is one viking tale about a princess called Skjalv, daughter of the Finnish King Froste (those aren´t even Finnish names…), who was stolen as war loot to Sweden but ended up strangling her captor with a gold chain. 

72. Our 4th president was Kyösti Kallio, who was forced to resign from office after the Winter War on December 19th 1940. On that same day he was about to step onto a train to take him back home for retirement, when during his final official ceremony at Helsinki Railway Station, in front of his soldiers and while the orchestra played, he suffered a fatal heart attack and died right there in front of everyone. Legend says he collapsed into the arms of our greatest war hero and later president himself, Marshall C.G.E. Mannerheim (seen in the white hat next to President Kallio).

73. Marshall Mannerheim is the only person in Finnish history who has been rewarded that particular military honor. In fact, he is and forever will remain the only person who has the title “Finland´s Marshall”, an honor bestowed upon him for his services to his home country during Finland´s tumultuous early years of independence.

A few years ago he was voted by the Finns themselves as the most important Finnish person of all time.

74. In June 1942, Adolf Hitler came to Finland to pay his respects to Marshall Mannerheim on his 75th birthday. As a little “souvenir” for future generations, the sneaky Finns recorded a snippet of his and Mannerheim´s private conversation.

It is the only known recording of Hitler speaking with a calm, normal voice, as he was very particular about only being filmed while screaming and ranting his ideologies.

75. Roughly 3 million tourists visit Finland each year and I think at least 2 500 000 of them are always going exactly where I´m going too.

76. We like to make things hard for foreigners.

77. We don´t have any mountains.

78. But we have lakes. We have a shit ton of lakes. 187 888 lakes to be precise.

79. FYI

80. All our days end with -tai (Monday = maanantai, Tuesday = tiistai etc.), except for Wednesday. Wednesday is called keskiviikko.

81. We have a lot of free time.

82. J. R. R. Tolkien used the Finnish national epoch the Kalevala as inspiration for the languages in the Lord of the Rings saga.

83. The St. Louis Arch was designed by a Finn called Eero Saarinen.

84. Every summer we arrange what is called Kaljakellunta aka “Beer float” which pretty much just consists of taking a floatie and a case of beer and… well, that´s about it.

85. If you want to enhance your sauna experience, you can use a birch whisk.

86. The bubble chair was designed by a Finnish man called Eero Aarnio.

87. Thursdays are the “official” pea soup and pancakes day all over Finland.

88. Finns love queuing.

89. Life expectancy for men is 78 years and for women 84 years.

90. In Tornio you can play golf in two countries:

http://kmp78.tumblr.com/post/155901150914/finland-chronicles-part-15

91. Finns invented the so-called Molotov´s cocktail.

92. All people in Finland must pay a TV tax even if they do not they own a TV.

93.  We celebrate Christmas on the 24th of December.

94. Finns love salmiakki aka salty licorice.

I don´t, btw.

95. Finland is one of the few countries in Europe which has not banned sex with animals - and some actually take advantage of that loophole…

http://kmp78.tumblr.com/post/156161829244/finland-chronicles-part-21

http://kmp78.tumblr.com/post/156257574544/finland-chronicles-part-23

96. Armi Kuusela won the 1st ever Miss Universe pageant in 1952.

97. In 2006, Conan O´Brian did a sketch about looking like our then-president Tarja Halonen and it ballooned into a huge movement.

98. Weeeeell…

99. On every Independence day, the current president hosts a party at his residence for about 2 000 dignitaries, celebs, politicians etc. We riff raffers sit at home in our sweatpants and watch it on TV with some nachos and snarky comments.

100. MONTY PYTHON KNOWS. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUOMI, AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. 

Despite you reeeeally getting on my nerves SO MUCH and SO OFTEN, I still love you. 💙 💙 💙

A big Lance meta because I love him

First, I just want to say that I know a lot of people did their versions of Lance’s meta and insecurities, but I wanted to do one for my point of view of things and how I think it’s going to be handle over the series. Oh, and that my original language isn’t english, so sorry for any mistakes! Thank you :)

So, @honestlyprettychill​ did a post that shows a scene of the official comics that really got me thinking of doing my own character analysis on Lance… So thanks to them I’m here typing all of this, lol.

Anyway, let’s start this. Lance says:

“Trust me. I’ve had a lot of practice… A lot.” 

This single part of the sentence says a lot about Lance’s character, if you ask me.

According to the quote, Lance had crushes before, and probably 95% of them rejected him. And, my dudes, that can hurt someone’s confidence really hard.

Imagine yourself liking someone enough to end up at a point where you want to hug, kiss, cuddle, hold hands with them, but they don’t like you the same way and reject you saying, probably, “you’re not my type” or something like that. It hurts, my dudes.

And Lance says that he went through this a lot. My poor sharpshooter ;^;

And following this line of thought, that can explain why Lance has the need to be the best at everything and why he is so jealous of Keith since the start as well.

Here we have Iverson saying to Lance to not follow Keith’s footsteps, because Keith was kicked out because of his bad discipline. And right before this, Iverson says:

Since the start Lance was the “second best” or “the one after someone else”, and that stayed on his mind. He was being compared all the time with someone else, and trust me, being compared with someone “better” than you is pretty quiznaked up.

He, at this time, probably already has the trust-issues on himself, because he was rejected before the Garrison, as said by the comics, so Iverson wasn’t much of a help to him on that matter.

And we all know that he thinks he’s a seventh wheel on the team:

This boy doesn’t believe in himself because of all the things he has been through and all the times he has been compared before. And the rejections he has passed totally had a big part in this as well.

He probably thinks he isn’t good enough to anyone, and that’s why he got rejected a lot in the past. Because “he isn’t good enough”.

That’s something that crosses his mind on a daily basis, if you ask me.

There’s nothing concrete to support that he thinks this, but it’s pretty clear to me that he does.

So, to hide his trust issues, Lance flirts with all the girls possible, and never tries to do more than flirting and having a fun time with them. And it’s confirmed that he is afraid of being in a relationship with someone (Lance’s Paladin vlog).

The boy literally tried to flirt with noodle people, I can’t

He uses this “over-confident” Lance to act around everyone. Lance doesn’t want to show his insecurities to anyone, because he’s probably scared of being rejected again and being seen as a “weak link” for the others.

The only times he showed his insecurities was when he was with Laika in s1, Coran in s1as well, and Keith in s3. And at the end of two of this times, I can say for sure that Lance ended better, and Lance actually got a positive answer and (maybe) helped even if a little bit to get over his insecurities and become someone stronger.

Lance can be confident the way he wants to be. Lance can be the strong hero he oh so sees himself being. But for that to happen he’ll need help from the team and from himself.

He’s starting to have some hints that his character arc will be mostly about him learning more about himself and that he isn’t just a “seventh wheel” or “the second best” at everything. He can be so much more, and with the help of his friends, I’m sure he’ll be able to do it without doubt.

And add up, Lance wanted to pilot Black not because he wanted to help everyone and save the universe. It was because he wanted to prove himself and show everyone that he’s the best, that he’s the leader, that he is the most capable of the team.

But again, he got rejected.


The scene at the start was very serious and showed how much Lance wanted to pilot Black so that could “be his moment”.

But, of course, it became a comic relief with Lance’s anger being showed as something to laugh (let’s admit, we all laughed even if a little bit at this).

The scene had so much meaning at the start, and to be honest, they should have maintained the seriousness until Keith entered Black.

But that wouldn’t look like Lance at all.

Lance wouldn’t show his sadness to the team so openly serious, of course he would act like he is upset but in a funny way. It’s exactly what he would do.

And that’s the sad part of this scene.

Lance is disappointed at himself for not being good enough for Black, and Keith being Black’s paladin in the end hurt Lance a lot as well.

He lost once more to someone that was always better than him.

Rejected again by something that he really wanted.

Edit; @schoolgirl5635 mentioned that Blue “rejected” him back in s3 as well, and I want to add this because it helps the idea as well.

Blue was Lance’s big comfort during the series, Lance and her were the firsts to bond in the team and Lance had a deep connection with her.

But again, she didn’t let him stay for long.

We all know that Blue only did that because it was the time for Lance to move on and grow up by piloting Red, but I think Lance doesn’t knows that.

Lance thinks that Blue hates him now, and probably he thinks that Blue chooses Allura because she’s better than him.

Nothing concrete to this, but I think it’s plausible to think this. Well, at least with Allura Lance wasn’t that disappointed for losing Blue.

But we know as well that he still thinks Allura is better than him, as he said when he was talking to Keith in the same season.

He knows that Allura is better than him, and that blue chose her because she will be a “better paladin” for her than Lance.

Rejected once more by something he loved, because someone was better than him… Once more.

That hurts him deeply and brought his insecurities one more time. And this time he was so insecure that he actually talked with someone about it, something that he never did before. (What I mean by never did before it’s because with Laika and Coran he didn’t go to them to talk about it, it was something from the moment of the scene that made him talk.)

The boy had and has a lot of rejections, and I’m afraid that maybe his feelings for Allura will hurt him in the future.

And no, I’m not saying “Oh, Allurance is going to be bad for Lance because it isn’t another ship and blah blah blah blah”. I am an Allurance shipper, it’s not my main ship but I still like their dynamics and their relationship.

But, to be honest, I’m scared that Allura doesn’t see Lance in any sort of romantic way yet. (And maybe not even yet, she’ll probably never like him like he likes her)

And I fear that if Lance gets rejected one more time, he’ll probably need a lot of reassurance to make sure that he is good enough. He’s having so much progress with everything going on. He’s becoming someone that has more honest confidence in himself.

I just hope that in the next few seasons Lance will have his so deserved character development that will show his insecurities and how he’ll get over them and finally be the one he wants to be, but not because he needs to be this someone.

Maybe it will involve Allura and Lance’s crush on her and how he’ll move on from her or even starts to have a deeper relationship with her (platonically or romantically, it’s up to you now). Maybe he’ll discover that he can be strong and trust himself more because of Hunk and Pidge helping him with his trust issues, because he’ll finally open up to them like he should have done since s1. Maybe he’ll move on from his and Keith’s rivalry and see that he doesn’t need to compare himself with anyone anymore to prove that he is the best.

Only time will tell.

But, one thing that I truly hope that happens it that Lance will finally be happy with who he is and that he doesn’t think that he is a seventh wheel to the team.

After all, everyone on the team loves Lance dearly, and that’s a fact.

(Adding to this, I love this scene because it’s almost like Lance and Pidge had a space mall date as sibs or bfs, you decide again ;) )

He is loved by his team, and I’m sure he’ll notice how much he is loved with time and will finally realize that he isn’t a seventh wheel. Lance will see that he is part of a new family.

They say that new beginnings are disguised as painful endings. They say that every year is a lesson of love, suffering and everything in between.


I really don’t have the right words to put this year into account. I have been tormented by my own mind for the past 364 days, and it almost led me to killing myself, and I’d like to think that I’m going to a better place next year.


This year, I have learned to put myself first to restore my mental health and see reality as it truly is once again.


This year, I have learned that writing too much, thinking too much could drive any person mad and I guess it’s for the best if I just take it easy next year.


This year I have learned so many things but giving up wasn’t one of them, and I’m proud of myself because I’ve made it, I survived, and I surprised myself a lot.


I am forgiving myself for all the regrets that I have this year and not allowing fear to control me next year because I have learned that not everything I feel is real.


If only I can bloom all year long I will bloom all year long but the truth is that’s not possible, and sometimes I should wilt before I rise. Rock bottom was the place I found myself this year, and I discovered that I’m both terrifying and lovely. I still have a long way to go on my inner journey towards loving myself. I still have a long way to go to become who I am and achieve excellence. Greatness, after all, does not happen overnight.


January 1, 2018, falls on a Monday. A fresh day, a fresh week, a fresh month, a fresh year and a fresh start. I couldn’t think of any better time to change and becoming a better version of myself.

—  Juansen Dizon, A Fresh Start

Synopsis: You are cursed with the ability to feel others’ emotions through touch. During a battle you’re fighting with Loki, he touches you and it opens your eyes to who he is. 

A/N: I’ll probably add more parts to this and make it a mini-fic, just because I love this concept so much. Our poor little God of Mischief isn’t evil, just misunderstood and dealing with a lot. 

Warnings: implied smut, violence, blood

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Ask Me A Question

Pairing: Ben Solo x Reader

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: SMUTTT

A/n: Ben’s first time!!!!! okay so the idea for this fic was brought to me by the wonderful @baensolo ! love u

Ben’s steps were hurried but contained to scuffing along the marble floors. His mother kept a sturdy pace, as well as his uncle, but they both had considerably smaller strides than him, leaving him in an awkward rushed walk that could only be taken in half-steps.

“Did you hear what your uncle said, Ben?” His mother raised a brow at him, continuing to walk.

“…I have to be on my best behaviour?” He guessed. His ears had tuned out the monotonous flow of instructions in favour of focusing on the lavish architecture of the Senate building of Chandrilla. The art that hang off the tall walls detailed in chronological order the Old Republic, then its fall, continuing to the Jedi Order and so on.

Luke stopped walking, placing his hands on his nephew’s shoulders.

“All you really need to know is that the Senator needs a good bodyguard. If you can be that for her, your mother and I will be very happy.”

Ben shrugged. “Piece of cake.”

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anonymous asked:

I wish you would write an outsider POV Sterek, maybe from their neighbor's POV?

This is embarrassing.

Holy, fuckmuffins, this is embarrassing. She should not do this. She should turn around and go back home. She should just be at home. Forever. She can order groceries from Amazon and socialize with people over the internet and she thinks she could be very happy to just live at home. It would be fun. 

Also, she would be alive. Because she is not sure she will be after all is said and done. 

She gets to their door and then seriously considers just turning around. It would make her a fundamentally bad person but she could be okay with that. 

Ugh.

No she can’t.

She takes a deep breath, wishes that Jenny wasn’t at her father’s this weekend because maybe a cute little four year old would help, and then knocks anyway. On her next door neighbor’s door. 

It had to be her next dooor neighbor. Someone who she will probably have to see again. 

And, of course, Murder Man opens it. He is already glaring at her.

He is going to kill her

“Hello?” he asks and she realizes she has just been standing there. Staring. Which, like fair, he is gorgeous but mostly she’s staring because it is just now occurring to her that she should have told someone where she is going before just coming over to share this bad news. 

“H-hi,” she says finally. “My name is Tammy and I live in number 406–right next door actually and I-I’m so sorry but I’ve just… I’ve just scratched your car.”

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Grief and Healing

I have been thinking about Jonghyun and the other members a lot, it’s hard not to over this last month. Some things are more clear in my mind now as the grief is lessening.

SHINee in my last 8 years of knowing them has always been a symbol of love and hope for me. Without them I would never have reconnected to my Korean roots, and made trip back to the place of my birth to find my birth family. While living in Korea once again as a stranger and basically a foreigner (even though  legally I am still a Korean citizen) I came to see things and hear things I did not like, somethings making me angry while others I felt so disappointed in.

The need for perfection, constant judgement of physical appearance, and of social and educational status is so much more in Korea then in the U.S.( I mean really on a different level) it was disheartening to talk with students about these issues because they don’t feel there is any other way. 

Jonghyun is someone I had come to admire because his of openness to talk about these subjects, to learn what others thought, to reach out to have dialogue about things that were politically and socially sensitive. Honestly, it really took a lot of guts for him to do this. 

But something that I didn’t catch during all this time was his ability to communicate love and support so well. His ability to tell others they did well, they are working hard is shown over and over….why didn’t this register in my brain before?  

Jonghyun was someone who was blessed with a gift to communicate his feeling and his thoughts. He wasn’t afraid to be honest either. He did this with the members (telling Key “bummie is working hard” while he was doing his instagram live) by writing songs that touched our hearts, by giving encouraging words on blue night, asking us “is this the reality you wanted” and also by being the one who spoke so well in most of their group talks. In a lot of ways, he was the “mom” of the group.

He gave us all what we needed. He also needed it back. And though it’s too late to give this back to him. It’s definitely not too late to pass that forward to others. 

This is what I will take with me. This will be his legacy for me. I will remember to be caring and supportive not just by actions but to verbally express this to my family, my friends, neighbors, and complete strangers. I often want to say something nice and I hold back, but words do matter and moving forward I will try my best to be like Jonghyun and express those positive things more until it becomes a part of me. This will be my healing.

tygermama  asked:

AU - The Jedi say "The Padawan Chooses The Master" Qui Gon lives, Obi Wan is very preoccupied, and Anakin is put into the creche as an Initiate to learn what he can until Qui Gon wakes up from his coma and gets yelled at by the Council. In the meantime, Anakin meets other Jedi Masters and when the Council asks him who he wants to be his teacher, his answer isn't Qui Gon. Instead it's *insert your fav Jedi here*

My Friend, I both hate you and love you for this prompt. Because I am so very very torn. But let me give it a go.

Naboo is a debacle. No one debates that. Qui-Gon Jinn comes back to the Temple barely alive, accompanied by his Padawan - the first Jedi in a millenia to have slain a Sith - and the powerful young boy they found on Tatooine.

At first they wait - while Obi-Wan Kenobi is considered more than deserving of Knighthood, they hold out hope that Qui-Gon will wake and perform the ceremony himself, and take Anakin on as he originally intended. It is not to be.

Obi-Wan is knighted and sent off on missions, Anakin remains in the creche - as Qui-Gon lives, it seems presumptuous to have any other Jedi take him on. But Qui-Gon may never wake, and so the more senior Masters take it upon themselves to get a feel for the too-powerful boy. Just in case.

Months later, Qui-Gon wakes.

He is in no shape to do anything more than argue with the council, but he is awake. Still, the matter of Anakin Skywalker is put off a little longer, until Qui-Gon is in a better position health wise. Besides, while he is not completely at ease in the ranks of the initiates, Skywalker has settled in somewhat - it will do no harm to wait a little longer. And it also gives some of them a bit more time to try an mitigate Jinn’s eventual bad influence.

A year after Naboo, the council requests the presence of Initiate Skywalker. The boy who faces them is so very similar and yet so very different from the child they interviewed a year earlier. Still far from emotionally balanced, but much less fearful. After all, by this stage he knows them all somewhat, and he has begun to accept that he is not going to be turned out - over the last year it has become very apparent that he cannot remain untrained, and as such the Creche Master had taken the time to explain the notion of a Padawan accepting a Master.

(They will never know how how much that notion affects Anakin. Because what slave chooses their own Master?)

And so they ask him. “Who would he choose as his Master?”

And Anakin is torn. Because this is a huge decision, and he knows it. Never before has he had the power to CHOOSE. He has to do this right. Qui-Gon Jinn freed him and brought him to the Temple. He is Anakin’s hero. It would make sense to accept him. And yet… What of the other Masters?

What about Master Billaba, who so patiently walked him through the First Forms when he worried about being so far behind his classmates? Or maybe Master Fisto, who laughs and smiles and pats him on the head and tells him not to worry, he will get the trick in time - has he considered a moving meditation, like this? Or even Master Windu, who is stern and forbidding, but UNDERSTANDS the anger that coils in his chest? And Master Koon - he’s kind and an absolutely WIZARD pilot. What should he do?

But Anakin Skywalker is a child of the Force. And all of the Masters he has encountered over the last year have told him the same thing. So he reaches out and…

The council watches as the boy raises his head and looks up at them with an unassailable sense of certainty. 

“I’m sorry Masters, but I can’t choose. Not yet. It’s not the right time.”

And it takes everything in him not to back down in the face of Qui-Gon’s sadness and the Council’s impatience, but Anakin stands firm.

The Force is speaking to him. Loud and clear.

“Not Now.”

In the end it is Yoda who breaks up the raucous arguments with a few firm taps of his gimmer stick. If the Force tells young Skywalker that now is not the time then so be it. The boy is still younger than the average new padawan, and still has some catching up to do. There is no hurry. Let him remain in the creche they shall, until the time is right.

And so they do. Except Anakin’s little demonstration along with the general increased interaction during Qui-Gon’s convalescence means that several of the Council members are seriously considering the merits of taking him on themselves. And Qui-Gon? He is determined to regain little Ani’s regard.

You can imagine the result. Anakin Skywalker becomes the envy of his classmates, as multiple senior masters court him to be their padawan. Plo Koon in particular seems to take great delight in tweaking Qui-Gon’s ire by allowing Anakin to learn to pilot the Temple ships, and Mace has spent a lot of time showing Anakin how to control his darker impulses. Kit sneaks him sweets but both he and Depa have the suspicion that they are not seriously in contention. Ironically all the attention has done wonders for his attachment issues.

Still, every time he is asked if he is ready to take a Master, Anakin will close his eyes and reach into the Force, before saying. “No. Not yet.”

Incidentally, his lack of Master has very much impeded the Chancellor’s efforts to spend time with the boy alone. After all, a Padawan is very different from an Initiate from a Jedi perspective - one is considered a semi-adult capable of assisting in basic mission duties while the other is not. The Chancellor may be their direct superior, but even he cannot order them to facilitate private audiences with a CHILD under their care. For now, he must make to with infrequent and supervised visits in which he must take care not to overstep the role of a genial man interested in the welfare of the child who saved his planet.

It infuriates him.

But anyway.

Time passes, and Anakin’s classmates start to dwindle, as they are either apprenticed (Anakin feels smug at having facilitated one of two of the matches - having Knights and Masters watching him keenly means he can try and push others in direction the Force suggests) or drawn towards alternate pathways. Anakin is nearing thirteen years of age, and he knows the time for a decision is coming soon.

But there are things he needs to make sure are in place first. Luckily, he knows who to speak to about that.

“Time then, it is, Young Skywalker?”

“Yes Master Yoda.”

“Hmm. Certain, you are?”

“Yes Master Yoda.”

“Good. Done well, you have, to follow the Force in this. Who is it, you have chosen?” 

Anakin tells him.

And the old Jedi starts cackling.

It is not long after that Anakin Skywalker stands before a large crowd of Knights and Masters (Because this? The apprenticeship of Initiate Skywalker? This is going to be the thing of temple legends and  NO ONE wants to miss out.) and asked who he would take as his master.

And Anakin Skywalker looks his choice straight in the eye as he speaks their name.

Obi-Wan Kenobi nearly faints there and then.

.

Let’s take a step back. 

When Obi-Wan Kenobi first accompanied his comatose Master back to the Temple, he had been consumed by their last conversation. The one in which he had promised Qui-Gon to train the boy. Except, those were obviously the words of a man who thought himself dying, and Qui-Gon still LIVED. When the council decides to put Anakin into the creche until things are more certain, Obi-Wan is so RELIEVED. Because while he would if he had to, Obi-Wan doesn’t feel READY to take a padawan just yet, not while he is still processing the end of his own apprenticeship, and Anakin is meant for Master Qui-Gon - Obi-Wan would never wish to steal that role while the possibility remains that the man will wake one day.

Still, he made a promise. And there are many ways to teach.

So Obi-Wan makes an effort to check in on Ani, make sure he’s settling in ok. It’s a big culture shock for the boy from Tatooine, and Obi-Wan does his best to help explain some of the things Temple raised initiates take for granted. Anakin’s  glee when he finally gets the hang of something is infectious, and Obi-Wan finds himself enjoying the time they spend together. 

When he starts taking missions as a Knight, Obi-Wan makes the effort to farewell Anakin every time he leaves, and if he can, brings him back some toy or trinket from wherever he ends up. Nothing major, but Anakin has often expressed his desire to visit every world in the galaxy one day, and he gets so excited even if all Obi-Wan has to show him is a rock he found while running for his life from upset dignitaries…

Obi-Wan thought his missions might be less exciting now he wasn’t partnered with the most infuriating diplomat in the Order. He was wrong.

When the Masters begin paying more attention to Anakin it is Obi-Wan he contacts for reassurance he is doing the right thing. After all he is listening to the Force, but what if he’s listening wrong? And Obi-Wan tells him he’s doing fine, to follow his instincts, and sorry he has to go now due to potential pirates, but maybe to take time with each of them to work out how well they connect, just in case the Force changes its mind? And it is Obi-Wan who tells him he should just confess about the incident with the door chimes, and reassures him that no one will hate him over the accident with the speeder. 

As time goes on, Obi-Wan becomes known in the Temple as the BEST source of information on the Skywalker Situation, because he has THE most up to date gossip on what Masters Jinn and Windu have decided to challenge each other with this time, or which Knight has decided to throw their hat into the ring most recently, only to find the kid too much to deal with. Obi-Wan finds himself feeling a little protective over Anakin, rolling his eyes at the latest stuff up on the part of Ani’s potential masters, and during one of his morning meditations he comes to the startling realisation that he is well and truly Attached to his young friend.

Well then.

So of course when it comes time for Anakin to make his final decision, Obi-Wan Kenobi puts on his best face and mentally tries to work out which master will have the honour of training the Chosen One. The selfish part of him hopes it’s not Qui-Gon. He adores his former Master, but time has convinced him that he would be a poor match for Anakin. And he wants what is best for the boy. 

Maybe once Anakin is safely matched to a Master of his own Obi-Wan might consider the merits of a Padawan himself. Certainly he is feeling a lot more confident in his skills that he was a few years earlier…

But then Anakin gives his name.

His.

Obi-Wan Kenobi.

So many faces are turned to face them and he can feel them all asking “Why him?” and he doesnt have an answer and…

Anakin is looking at him. Waiting. For his response.

His heart gives him his answer, but he has to be SURE this is the boy’s decision.

“Why now Anakin?”

And Anakin smiles, bright and sure.

“Because you weren’t ready before.”

Oh.

Obi-Wan Kenobi laughs then, in joyous wonder and kneels to look the boy (his student!) in the eye.

“In that case, Anakin Skywalker, I would be honoured to be your Master, if you would agree to become my Padawan.”

And the Force sings.

~~~

I hope you’re not too disappointed! I was tempted to write a Plo Koon is Anakin’s Master AU, but in my heart of hearts, I just can’t keep the Team separated! :)

+

congratulations, it’s a girl, says the doctor. congratulations, it’s a girl, and we have rose-tinted bubblegum-scented ultrasound gel for an extra 3 dollars. and the baby shower will have

frosted balloons, and pink ribbons, and red cake for the blood that has not left the womb for nine months,

red for life and for pain and for lipstick,

and when the blood and the life leaves the womb it will be swaddled in soft femininity and it will feed on the teat of patriarchy. they will say you’re a sinner for letting her touch that toy truck, you’re a sinner for teaching her to defend herself, you’re a sinner for

letting her leave the house like that, but all she knows now is how to

gnaw on barbie’s head until it’s chewed and slimy with saliva. you don’t claim to be god but

you won’t bind her hands with pages from the bible.

and today it’s the second day of kindergarten. when a boy steals her unmellow yellow crayon it’s because he likes her,

and tomorrow she passes through the freudian phallic stage without losing her sense of identity, and when she’s thirteen her dad’s friend slides his hand onto her thigh under the table

keeps it there the entire dinner because he likes her, and she still

can’t smell lasagna without gagging. when she’s sixteen she lets her friend’s brother kiss her

because the boys at school call her pancake chest

his tongue tastes like an ashtray limp and slimy in her mouth, and after she brushes her teeth three times she lies in her bed and cries. God, she says,

God why am i here? and he says one day you will make a penis erect and you will know.

the next day a suit on the subway undresses her with his empty eyes,

so when the barista asks for 3.99, her number, and half of her soul she complies. splits it down the middle where the bone is and hands it over in exchange for

a soy milk latte.

by seventeen she is tired of lugging god’s most precious gift to

school and work and back so she gives it to a boy in a walmart parking lot, cuts off her hair for good measure and

now she knows. men keep her hair long for easy grip. so she goes home:

how was your day/itwasfine i’m going out/not in that you’re not/whynot (she knows whynot) puts on a potato sack, packs a suitcase full of underwires and razor blades and tweezers

throws it in the pond for when the fishes say mommy will i be pretty one day?

but when the time comes for her to jump she changes her mind and gets on a greyhound bus

to new york city, it is dark when she arrives but the streetlights

float above her head like small suns and keep her warm. she walks past painted ladies with civilized but asymmetrical briefcases, walks past people eating each other’s faces in the shadows, walks until she arrives at the last flat building plugging the holes in the sky she enters the elevator and presses the top floor.

by the time she gets to the 35th floor she has swallowed 35 advils, and when she reaches

Not Heaven she has swallowed her tongue. it smells like old spice and clementines. the angels say don’t worry, we eat out of our collarbones here; try the clouds, they’re made out of windex and taste just like tacos; love is when you shoot smoke into your brain and it cooks your heart.

she hates steak so she lets her nails grow to the floor and sacrifices herself to the newtonian universe

lets gravity lower her back down to earth, to the middle of eighth avenue where suits walk around her until someone calls 911.

the next thing she remembers is white ceiling tiles. the hush hush of voices next to her.

doctors (nearly all her bones were shattered upon impact only god knows how she survived) mom (unintelligible)

she learns to walk again, to talk again, to live again

paints her eyelids with kohl to be beautiful for herself, to be strong for herself. uses judo on anyone who dares lay a hand on her. eats lasagna every wednesday night and loves it.

congratulations, it’s a girl, they say, and she will have to heal.

5

 Min Yoongi, Suga, AgustD, Genius, Producer, BTS Rap Line.


  The coolest member of BTS also known as savage Suga, Genius. Suga is a contradiction, considered the laziest member, you can see him mostly sleeping, but he’s also the one that stays up all night, writing a song per day, known as one of the most hardworking members. He can be sarcastic af, savage, sassy, an asshole but he is also the one whose smile and aegyo can light up your whole world. Always saying words of encouragement to his Army and sending hearts, things you don’t usually expect from a person like him. 

  Members of the group have mentioned that Suga does around 200-300 songs a year and I am telling you guys that’s a lot of work. Can you imagine that there are artists that struggle to find inspiration to write a song once at (let’s say) 6 months and he is writing maybe a song in 2 days. How can you not call him a genius and appreciate him for that?

   As many of you might know, Suga had to deal with mental illness. I am telling you this because it was really hard in the beginning of their debut and before that. His parents never supported his dreams and the fact that he choosed music. It’s hard to not have the people you most care about support your dreams. But here he is, standing tall, getting an award as a producer, getting many awards as part of BTS, working everyday to make his dreams come true and still loving his family and writing songs about them. You have to appreciate a soul that stays as beautiful inside as Suga is after going through so many hardships.

  Yoongi doesn’t put with anyones shit. If he doesn’t want to do something he won’t do it. Why am I mentioning this? Because I see it as something to be appreciated for. As a person that has worked so hard to get where he is, as a person that did this on his own, emotionally, mentally and physically you learn to know your value. He’s not FULLY aware of his value yet as you guys might’ve noticed when he received his award. This gives him and gives you the chance to see that this “savage”, “cold hearted” guy i’s still a very humble person. To be a genius and still stay humble is one in a million. 

  All Suga wants is to do music, to produce. As any person would, he wants to be appreciated for it. I’m telling you this because “fame” it’s not his target. That’s not his dream, that’s not his purpose in life. Being able to make music, to produce and to express his thoughts through his art, that is his dream and I deeply appreciate him for that. 

  BTS members said that Suga is an inspiration for them, he motivates them to keep going just by seeing him working so hard but also he’s encouraging them with words.

  Suga is also one of the sweetest things on earth, have you guys seen his smile? He didn’t used to smile as much as he does now as many of you might’ve noticed. Even members said that he’s not really the type to express his emotions, but on stage Suga is a different person now. We’ve seen him smile, we’ve seen him cry, we’ve seen him sending hearts and honestly I feel so proud of his development. He’s still the same Suga, but with an emotional upgrade and I appreciate him so much for that. I personally know how hard it is to be a “tough” person and become emotional in front of people and for him it must be way harder cuz it’s not just a few people but millions. And he did it for ARMY and he’s grateful to ARMY for where he is now and that’s a beautiful thing.

  Yoongi is the one telling you through his art, his lyrics, his story to not give up on your dreams. Work hard and work everyday for your dream and people will appreciate you for that. All that matters is that what you do, what you achieve makes you happy and makes people around you happy. What you do should inspire people, should make people feel good about themselves, should make the world aware that there’s good and bad but what matters the most is that you see the good in everything. Do not try to live up to people’s expectations, you live up to to your own expectations and overcome them on your own cuz you are strong and you’re enough. Appreciate people around you, even the ones who don’t believe in you cuz that would also be your motivation to keep going.

  This one here is Suga, Agust D, Min Yoongi, genius, inspiration, workaholic, savage, humble, loving, producer, a paradox that makes you change your life in nothing else but good. 

Reasons to appreciate Jin, J-Hope, RM, Jimin, Taehyung

Harry and Draco were eighteen.

They were eighteen and the world was everything they didn’t know. The promise of a future once buried under miles of ashes rose triumphantly with newfound roots. The ache of the war gripped everyone’s insides, but to hurt was to feel, and to feel was to live, and there was so much life now. There was so much to live for now, so everyone said.

They were eighteen and to offer tight-lipped smiles to one another in passing was to say yes, yes, I understand, I feel what you have felt for your eighteen years, I am feeling with you, I am sorry. I am sorry. I forgive you.

They were eighteen and still not okay. With time to think came time to wander aimlessly around unexplored corners of the castle, to linger in the drafty and cold corridors near the dungeons where no one bothered to look for them. Tight lipped smiles. A small nod.

I’m sorry. I understand. I forgive you.

They were eighteen and alone in a room that was not as crowded as it had been two years previously. Every missing face was like forcing your tongue into the gap a tooth had fallen out of when you were a kid, but there was no tooth fairy this time. Sometimes it felt as if there would be no rewards for the grief engulfing them all like fire. It was unbearable to take a breath in this newfound utopia when there were so many people who suffered in order to attain it.

I’m sorry. I understand. I forgive you.

They were eighteen and to wander the castle alone now meant to exist quietly alongside one another, to brush shoulders when walking around corners; to reassure the other that they were both real. To physically feel the other person’s presence bring warmth to the gloom of the corridors haunted by last year’s events. They filled up the gaps with words, with small observations they never said out loud. Observations about the way one may have hunched his shoulders with his hands in his pockets while he walked, or how the other might wrinkle up his nose when he thought hard about something.

I’m sorry. I understand. I forgive you.

They were eighteen. They learned how to smile again, but it took lots of practice and insincerity before they started existing subconsciously. The first Hogsmeade trip of the year was punctuated with snowball fights alongside Ron and Hermione and pretending everything they bought from Scrivenshaft’s and Dervish and Banges wasn’t the other boy’s Christmas present.

I’m sorry.

They were eighteen and drunk. It was two in the morning on a Saturday and everyone else was home for the holidays except the two of them. There was a single bottle of firewhiskey between them, half empty, and they told each other everything they’d never had the courage to say out loud before. What if he came back, like the last time? What if there was still a piece of him hiding somewhere? Why did it still hurt so much?

I understand.

They were eighteen and it happened gradually. They were the shift from cool October drizzles to the impenetrable storms December delivered. Rain hammered on windows, and Draco’s heart hammered inside his ribcage, begging to be let out, jumping towards the one thing it had ever really cared about, and his lips met Harry’s the same way the seasons shifted from drizzles to downpours. Harry kissed back with all the fervor of a new convert, but this was no religion, this was better. This was Draco. They were a tangle of arms and legs and unexplored universes and hope, new hope, burning furiously and unforgivingly and demanding to be heard:

I forgive you.


@xx-thedarklord-xx dis one’s for u bc I talked about Christmas in it and I just love to watch the world burn <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 and also because your writing inspires me and you are all around just. Fantastic. Holy shit, wonderful. 

Things that have changed since I discovered that I am autistic

I read that it is common among newly-diagnosed autists to start exhibiting more traits - or maybe we just become more aware of our autistic traits because we no longer need to brush them aside as “quirks” or “bad habits”. Anyhow, this phenomenon is absolutely true for me. After being in denial my whole life and explaining everything away with “I’m just weird”, I am now going through the phase where I realize how many of the things I used to get mocked for are actually autistic traits. And it’s such a liberating feeling to know that I am not alone, that many fellow autists do and experience the same thing to a certain extent.

Examples of what I have been experiencing lately:

I am a lot more aware of my senses - and the sensitivities that are connected to them. I am more in touch with my body - what it feels, what it needs. I enjoy textures and tastes more intensely.

But I also notice negative sensory input more, like how sensitive I am to crowds and noises - and I allow myself to be. I am no longer in denial about being vulnerable. For example, I finally understand why I have always been so anxious when in public places (e. g. when commuting) - I think it’s because anxiety is my go-to reaction to sensory overstimulation.

I also catch myself stimming more often - because now I recognize which behaviors are stimming. And I try to allow myself to stim freely when I need to (I still struggle with stimming in public though) and enjoy the flow of energy that comes with flapping my hands or bouncing my legs or rocking or swaying or or or.

I am also less self-conscious about not being able to sit still, like, ever. I am even less self-conscious about my clumsiness because I learned about dyspraxia and it helped me understand that I smash things or run into walls not because I am not careful enough, but because of dyspraxia.

I am embracing my special interests more freely without questioning “Am I weird for being THAT obsessed with that thing?” At the same time, I am more aware when I am infodumping people - not ashamed, just aware.

I am aware of my spoon limit and try to be more kind and forgiving of myself, not pushing too many tasks on myself, cut myself some slack from time to time.

I am more comfortable with communicating my needs, and more assertive. If I don’t understand a task at work, I ask for specific instructions instead of just assuming out of fear to come across as not that sharp after all. If I can’t follow a person’s thoughts, I ask for clarification until I really understand.

And I try being less of a doormat. Due to emotional abuse and neglect in my childhood, abusive relationships and lots of bullying, I developed the desperate need to come across as chill any time, always conforming to other people’s needs instead of asserting my own. It’s baby steps, but now I am trying to a) become more aware of my needs, my likes and dislikes and b) act upon it. For example, when I am presented with two options, I try to not automatically answer with “oh, whatever you like, both options are fine with me” but instead really think about it and name the option that I actually prefer and not the one I think the other person wants to hear.

I now finally understand what it means to be unapologetically myself - for better and for worse.

Because I finally have a reason, an explanation for all the quirks and “weird” behaviors I used to be bullied and also beat myself up for. How many times have I screamed at myself internally: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!?!?! Now I know why, and I know that I am perfectly fine the way I am.

BTS reaction: Finding out that you can’t speak Korean very well

Request: Could you do a reaction of bts when you tell them you cant speak english well? I think thatd be cool.

A/N: I hope you enjoy this one! I enjoyed writing it and don’t hesitate on giving me more requests!

Jin:

Yes, this was going to be a problem for him. Though he doesn’t have much of an issue with understanding English, it’s mostly the speaking part it goes wrong. You had just met each other, at a party to be precisely. He had noticed you immediately, seeing how you were struggling with a soda-can, having too sweaty hands to even open it.

He had approached you with a sly smile across his face and a spark in his eyes, as if he was chasing you. He had grabbed the soda out of your hand and opened it with ease before returning it to you, now giving you a more genuine smile as he decided on having a talk.  

Hello, I’m Seokjin, nice to meet you.’ He began speaking in full Korean language and you just blinked at his words. Of course, you could understand a few things, but you couldn’t find the words to actually talk back in Korean, so you just decided on English instead.

‘I’m sorry, you’ll have to talk in English.’ You say as you look guilty in his eyes. He let’s out a ‘ohh’ before still deciding on talking to you, being dazzled with your presence. That whole night flew by so fast and you’d actually managed to talk, though it took you a lot of time to understand each other. Still, you felt an attraction towards this guy and a language is not going to stand that way.

Originally posted by bwiseoks

Yoongi:

‘cute’ was what came to his mind when you sat in front of him, looking nervous and on edge upon seeing THE Yoongi in front of you. Of course he noticed that you were foreign and came all the way to Korea to be at this fan-sign, so he immediately decided on talking English to you. Though Yoongi may not seem  that great at English, you will be shocked to hear him talking. He isn’t called a genius for nothing after all, because he sometimes even seems fluent as he spoke to you.

‘You’re very cute.’ He says as a gummy-smile came up to his features while signing your album. You giggle while hiding your face behind your hands. He noticed that of course and he felt his heart racing all of the sudden and that made him decide to write something extra down, which was his phone number.

‘contact me.’ Was the last thing he said before you were forced to go on to the next member, leaving you speechless along with the member beside Yoongi, who saw what he had written down under his name.

Originally posted by seokjins-wings

Hoseok:

[Text messages]

[15:07] Hoseok: Wait, you’re not Korean?

[15:07] You: No… are you mad?

[15:08] Hoseok: So you use Translate?

[15:09] You: Yes… I did.

[15:09] Hoseok: You know I am not good at English, okay?

[15:10] You: Yes I am aware, we’ve been friends for 1 year already, it’s why I decided to just keep chatting with you in Korean so you won’t have any hard time reading my messages.

[15:11] Hoseok: awww, I’m not mad and I can understand English very well, just no speaking

[15:11] Hoseok: I will learn English for you

[15:11] Hoseok: Just wait

[15:11] You: :))

Originally posted by jaayhope

Namjoon:

His eyes were focused on you the whole time, they didn’t even slip one time. After he had found a place in the little cafe with the other members, finding the quiet atmosphere great to have a comfortable and private meal with each other, he suddenly saw you standing in front of their table to take their order. Seeing the nervousness on your face, he immediately knew you knew who they were and he felt a smirk crawling up on his face upon seeing you stuttering over your words, trying Korean and miserably failing. Of course, he would assure you that you can talk English, so you did and the both of you had a small talk before you took their orders.

He hadn’t stopped looking at you after that. He found your foreign features so appealing and beautiful, he’d want to see it up close. But, knowing that he is RM of BTS, he would never get a chance to that, well not in the near future. But looking can’t hurt right?

[2 hours later]

‘___?’ Your boss called and you walk up to her to ask what’s up.

‘Someone left you a tip with a little note.’ She said as she gave you the note, which you eagerly opened.

Hey, please contact me [phonenumber]
-RM

Originally posted by apgujeon

Jimin:

He kinda panicked when you suddenly began talking fluent in english at him. He had just approached you, wanting to have a closer look on the gorgeous-looking girl on set. He wasn’t gonna lie, he was dissapointed, and not in you but in himself. He cursed under his breath as he already wanted to turn around, embarrased of his own lacking abilities.

'Oh, wait, you can’t understand me very well?’ You ask, now finally understanding why he hadn’t respond to you yet.

'Yes, sorry.’ He said, smiling softly. You just chuckle before you got your phone out of your pocket and started typing something on your phone. He curiously waited for what you might be doing and when you showed your screen, his eyes lit up and showed a bright smile. You had the genuis idea to use google translate and to show him what you’ve been saying. And just like that, a long conversation on your little device began and converted to a much greater relationship.

Originally posted by harunyany

Taehyung:

You opened your eyes to a bright light entering the unknown room and when you look at the sleeping body beside you, memories wandered back into your mind. You gasp and immediately get out of the bed. You had a one-night-stand with Kim fucking Taehyung, your bias, your crush for over 4 years now.

You walk around the room to find your clothes, but you let out a whimper when you feel something naked press up into your own naked form.

'Don’t go, I’ll make you breakfast first.’ He said in Korean, but of course you couldn’t understand.

'W-what?’

'Stay.’ He now says in english and you clench your yaw upon hearing that. Taehyung didn’t care if you couldn’t speak korean, he just knew he wanted to be with you longer. He had felt a spark and a language is not going to stand in his way to be with you for only a bit longer. And of course, how could you refuse such a request?

Originally posted by bangtanroyalty

Jungkook:

This was a huge abort mission in his eyes. He had felt so confident about himself when he approached you at the award-show. You were one of the make-up artists around there and he found your looks so dazzling that he just couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. But when he finally got the guts to actually approach you, he sadly found out you didn’t spoke even the slightest of Korean.

'Yes?’

'Oh no sor-.’

'Hey, my friend here seems to have a liking in you, he would like to maybe set a date?’ Namjoon suddenly spoke and Jungkook along with you looked wide-eyed at him. ’He is not very well with english, but I assume that won’t be a huge problem. A language shouldn’t stand in the way.’

And just like that, you suddenly had a date set on your next free day off and probably the upcoming other free days.

Originally posted by hohohobi

Disclaimer: The GIFs aren’t mine, credits go to the owners!

Masterlist

~College!au Pen Pal Jimin~PART FOURTEEN: END

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9] [part 10] [part 11] [part 12] [part 13]

Jimin’s heart was racing as he jogged to the campus’ cafe. Sure, you were blunt and usually said what was on your mind, you managed to beat around the bush with the question he asked. 

Instead of giving Jimin an answer, you decided to ask to meet up to ‘settle’ this, whatever this was, in person.

Jimin, although nervous, was excited to see you again. He never made the final move to get your number at the party and he definitely wasn’t going to let you slip out of his fingers again. 

Approaching the cafe, Jimin let out a shaky sigh. It was the intervention he wasn’t even expecting. When he thought about meeting his pen pal weeks ago, he never felt nervous although he had caught quite the liking to you. But now finding out you were THE girl who made him open up his heart by being so accepting of the real him? 

Real him, he thought to himself with a scoff. Would you even believe the guy you talked to at the party was the real him? Or did you think that he was just trying to appeal to you in hoped of sleeping with you later?

He didn’t have time to answer his nerve-wracking questions because he caught sight of you–of course he remembered what you looked like; your image was glued to his mind–wearing sweats and most likely a sweatshirt way too large for you. 

Smiling softly at your being, he approached while watching you bounce your knee up and down and stare at the tea before you intently.


Your thoughts were a jumbled mess. Your stomach was doing flip flops and you heart was beating a miles a minute. Why did you agree to this?

After Jimin sent you the inevitable ‘do you like me too?’ text, you couldn’t even answer that to yourself. Instead of replying you agreed on meeting him at your campus’ cafe. 

What was he going to act like? 

Better yet, what did you want him to act like?

You just wanted him to be honest. Honest with you, but most importantly honest with himself.

“Y/N?”

You snapped your head up at the voice and gave a wary smile.

“Park Jimin,” You greeted, gesturing to the seat across from you for him.

“Jimin is just fine, you know?” Jimin smiled and took a seat.

“Sorry,” You apologized before moving you tea closer to you to take a sip. “So, my pen pal is the famous Jimin that I’ve heard so much about. How many girls want to be in my shoes?” You asked before taking a long sip.

Jimin chuckled and shook his head. “You wouldn’t believe me,” He sighed before taking a long look at you, “But I’m glad it’s you.”

“Oh really?” You wiggled your eyebrows, “You mean you loved flirting with me only to be constantly rejected?” 

Looking away for a split second, he rolled his eyes with a grin, “No–o. We had nice conversations that I’ve never had with another girl before. Y/N, I don’t think you understand how much you’ve grown on me.”

“I tend to be a blessing to people’s lives,” you flipped your hair behind your shoulder. Jimin laughed, causing his eyes to crinkle into a shape resembling crescent moons.

“I agree. Plus, I think you rejecting me really gave me a reality check. If I could be so easily rejected because you didn’t know who I was, that tells a lot about my reputation. I’m so used to people just begging for my attention but with you, I felt like I was begging for yours,” He finished his statement quietly. 

You raised your eyebrows in surprise. You always discarded Jimin’s flirting with a roll of your eyes over text but now knowing who he really was made your original thoughts about him change. He never gave up on you. Well, until you made your deal but still, he managed to squeeze in a few texts of endearment. 

“And then our talk at the party? Man, that really opened my eyes. It was the first conversation with a girl that didn’t have to do with flirting. You had no idea who I was and I was able to express my true thoughts and feelings.”

“You talked about yourself, too. I could tell you had a connection to ‘Jimin,’ but I didn’t even think that you were him. I noticed you were often, how do I say, at war with yourself, and very careful with what you said at first,” You said softly.

“Yeah,” He agreed with a long sigh, “I knew if I said the wrong thing to expose myself, you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

“How do you know that? Since when we first spoke, you were nothing but honest with me. Well, besides your identity. Even if I found out who you were at the end of the night, I would’ve been the only girl who new the real Park Jimin.”

“I didn’t know. People are so judgmental nowadays. A few weeks ago I found out my friend Jungkook’s pen pal didn’t tell him who she really was because the first time they met he looked so disappointed. By a single look, her self esteem was crushed and she decided not to tell him.”

“What happened to them?”

“They became best friends! Meanwhile Jungkook was falling for her and his pen pal unknown to him that they were the same person. Heh, I guess I could relate to that. After a bunch of drama with her fake friend, Jungkook found out and he felt terrible.”

“And?” You were on the edge of your seat. Was his friend forgiven? Were they still friends?

“Oh. They’re dating now,” He finished off.

“They are?”

“Yeah, she loved him. And he realized he loved her after she was out of his life for a while. It’s a really long story, believe me.”

“Well at least by the end, neither of them were judgmental. Jungkook obviously learned from his mistake and his pen pal didn’t judge him after all the drama and instead forgave him,” You pointed out.

“It took an entire intervention! It took me and Taehyung for them to finally settle the truth.”

“I can assure you, I’m not like that.”

“I didn’t know that then. Besides, what if you did know things about me and you were just like the other girls? For once I wanted to be a nobody.”

“You know,” You began, a smile stretching on your face. “I like this Jimin. If you don’t like the reputation you have, why don’t you just change, though?”

“It’s hard to. It’s hard to be something society expects you not to be.”

“Screw society. Be whoever the hell you want to be. If I was who everybody thought I’d be, I’d be nose in books and not caring toward anyone else on the planet.”

Jimin stared at you in admiration. How were you so accepting?

“Listen, I know we met up so I can answer your question but can I ask you this really vital question first?”

Jimin widened his eyes and nodded. “Of course.”

“Am I really the girl who changed the dear fuckboy?” You teased with a smile.

Sighing at the lack of seriousness in your question, he rolled his eyes. “I think so, my love.”

“Okay no really. One question: If I was another girl, would you still have the same feelings for me?”

He thought about the question for a moment. “I’m always going to like the girl at the party. If the girl I was texting wasn’t you, she wouldn’t have had the same effect on me. You were you and nobody would’ve replaced how I felt about you the first time we met.”

“So you don’t think it’s pure coincidence me and the girl at the party are the same person.”

“My love, nothing is an accident.”

“Then yes, Park Jimin. My dear fuckboy, I’ve had feelings for you since the  ‘have you ever fallen in love?’ conversation we had. It was our first real conversation and it really won me over.”

“You mean, you’ve liked me for a while now? And you made no move?”

“And give you the satisfaction and inflate your ego? No thanks,” You laughed.

“You know, I think even if we didn’t have the conversation about how I found out you were my pen pal, I still would’ve figured it out.”

“You think?”

“I know.”

Giving him a skeptical look, you asked, “How?”

“There was one thing–one statement–you two said that I didn’t remember until now.”

“Oh yeah? What was that?” 

He leaned in close enough to be only a few centimeters away from your and your breath hitched in your throat. 

“’In your dreams boi.’“ 

Before you could scoff at your repetitive phrase, he placed his lips on yours and this time you thought, Hm maybe he was right all those months ago when we first spoke. You don’t want this to be a dream.


L:ASDLASDKL ITS OVER AND IDK HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT AHHHHH!! HOW WAS IT FAM? DID YOU LIKE IT??? PLS LET ME KNOW HERE!!

Hehehe even tho during the piece of their convo at the party didn’t include the iconic, in your dreams boi, SOMEWHERE IN THAT CONVO THROUGH THE NIGHT IT WAS THERE HAHA

WHo’s ready for Jin’s pen pal bc his is next!!! (im sensing lots of fluff)

Love y’all!!!<333

His Royal Fury

Originally posted by tomhiddleston-gifs

Pairing: Loki x Reader (ft. Tony, Steve, Thor, and Natasha)

Content/Warnings: angst; fluff; implied rape

Words: 1570

A/N: This turned out a lot longer than I expected it to, but… it turned out pretty well. I went a little away from the anon request but it basically follows what was asked:

a Loki x reader imagine where reader is basically getting harassed and she doesn’t tell Loki, and when he finds out he’s furious? Something with the prompt “did he touch you?” and it ends with the guy who harassed reader getting caught by a very angry Loki and lots of cuddling and fluff

Enjoy, guys!


You hadn’t been sure about Loki at first. When he had first moved into Stark Tower - or Avengers Tower, as it was now referred to - you made an effort to avoid the younger Asgardian prince as much as possible. He couldn’t be trusted, and it was as simple as that. At least, you thought it was.

The two of you had bonded late one night, when everyone else was asleep. You had a nightmare, and had taken to wandering the tower, stumbling upon Loki in the library. The two of you had bonded over your mutual love for books, and an uneasy friendship had formed. And from that uneasy friendship, over the course of a rocky few weeks which turned slowly into a smoother few months, something beautiful bloomed between you and Loki. Yes, he still had issues, but you helped him through them. You helped him realize that there were better ways to solve problems then through violence.

You helped him learn how to love again.

Loki was a perfect gentleman, and all that a person could ask for in a boyfriend. Despite his reputation, he was sweet and loving. He cared about you, you were his love and his redemption, and he’d be damned before he let anything happen to you. And if he found out someone was hurting you, well… he’d make them wish for something as sweet as pain.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

im very excited for what you have to say about the bloopers later i.. wow that was a lot and i loved every second of it?

are you guys ready for the most extra thing i’ve ever put out into the world? well here it is, my thoughts on the absolute masterpiece of gay fondness that was some bloopers from phil is not on fire 9:

“pen is under my butt” “don’t waggle that thing around without a license” … ok, cool. creating a dick joke where there REALLY didn’t need to be one is just a normal thing now for these dudes. alright.

do i even need to say anything about this?

“whisk me daddy” like i know we’re all laughing and saying haha oh dan why are you like this, but like.. he’s literally just calling phil daddy as a term of endearment. that’s some MAJOR progression and it makes me feel warm

“this isn’t the sistine chapel, we’ve got a limited time dan” followed by a ridiculously fond and giggly “stop..” *dan snorts* “do it normally”… i feel like this moment harkens back to last year when phil utilized the ‘annoying prick technique’ :) i love parallels

just this.. their hands touching and looking at each other with happy smiling faces… i am not hard to please

“yes phil… you SPORK” the fondness is enough to murder me tbh

intense… eye contact… is my kink

absolutely HORRENDOUS ‘puns’ about ties… followed by whipping each other with said ties.. honestly they need to learn how to flirt like the adults they are (not really i love my still-smitten-like-teenagers bbys)

this:

honestly just who gave them permission to be this cute??

“hi my name’s dan you can see mah thigh, why? i don’t know but he’s the guy with his flesh on show, what a ho, that’s. our. dan.” as weird and silly as this was it’s actually kind of impressive how well it rhymes and flows? maybe that’s just me but it’s actually v pleasing to listen to

“why did you never post it phil… smouldering” STOP. why is dan always so embarrassed by pictures of phil looking hot?

phil being instantly repelled by the sincerity of dan’s answer about the longer twitter character limit allowing people to be more articulate on topics about social issues and politics and yelling “boring question! no!”… interesting.

“reveal yourself dan” …k

this whole ridiculously fond and candid display of affection.. why is dan so endlessly endeared by phil messing with him? also phil’s natural voice makes me quake. i love any and every little moment of phil dropping the persona


“watch out popeye… some new guy’s in town” … 100% phil finds dan hot as shit and enjoys the results of dan’s self care exercise. i don’t make the news i just report it.

“better not be a penis”… because phil just knows that would be dan’s go to image to draw on his body? cool.

“idiot sandwich” *insanely cute weird laugh snorting* “what is our life?” OUR LIFE… never over it. and look at their goddamn faces

dan being surprised that phil’s bedroom isn’t dusty… suspitches.

“hold a pen each and perfectly connect their  *unnecessarily sexual crotch thrust* POINTY TIPS together” “are you ready for a TIP duel?” … PHIL! why tf are you so horny lately!! you don’t need to sexualize pen tips to the point that i’m physically unable to think about anything other than dicks! stop!

ridiculously cute celebration at connecting said tips

dan acting like he doesn’t already know his fursona and then instantly displaying above average knowledge of furries… fur affinity?? ok, janice. i’ve said this before but methinks this little snek doth protest wayyyy too much.

this whole cup flip thing… it just gives me hives honestly.. phil sticking his ass up in the air.. like THAT… dan just staring at it and laughing “you have no idea how horrendous this looks” aka dan can’t process phil assuming his fave sex position on camera for their most watched video of the year.. “give me more of a table”… let’s keep in mind that dan picked this fucking question, ok? he didn’t have to, he really didn’t. he chose this. he wanted it. “that laddy p is one thick bih. show me that phat philussy”… i can’t. i’m done. (just kidding i’m not that’s just so fucking GAY i’m sorry but it is. dan wyd. dan loves phil’s monster coke and his phat philussy and his table ass up in the air. what even is 2017 ???)