because do I have to explain why

2

“I lied… Sorry.” 
“No…” Don’t be… 

This scene gives me more feels now than it did the first and second and third times I’ve watched it. Before tonight, I didn’t notice Walter saying “No” after Paige’s apology nor shaking his head or even smiling at her. I was so focused on Paige that Walter’s reaction wasn’t something I observed until now. 

Walter knows Paige usually doesn’t lie (though she’s been lying to him all season about her feelings for him and about what happened in Space), and after she explains why she lied to cover up her upsetting past, he automatically forgives her because he loves her and knows how she feels having been abandoned (in a social sense) by a parent too. There is nothing this woman can do that Walter won’t forgive her for. ♥

scottishhero  asked:

It'd be cool if maybe one of the 100 points kids could be disabled? ^_^ We hardly ever get positive representation in media :)

So, I’m super glad I got this question! I want to preface by saying this that I’m neurotypical and not physically disabled. This is going to require a lot of research for me, which I’m doing because it is so important! For now I’m going to explain why I’m doing this.

When I first saw the prompt for the 100 point kids, I knew exactly who those kids would be. In the US foster system, those kids are older, less conventionally attractive, mentally and/or physically disabled. If you go to adoption websites, some kids have disclaimers on them so the hopeful parents know before they even meet the kid.

And I get it, really. Some people aren’t equipped (monetarily, mentally or temperamentally) to provide for a disabled kid. If that’s the case, I appreciate that they understand their limitations and won’t hurt a kid because of their own inabilities.

 But, at the same time, it makes me so angry because you can’t only be a parent when a kid is exactly what you pictured (which is a super aggravating thing in its own right). You have to be a parent all the time. It’s not what it is, but it feels like potential parents are dismissing potential kids because of what they view as “perfect.” Just because you’re adopting doesn’t mean you can design your own kid. They’re a person, not a product.

(Side note: a lot of parents who adopt tend to neglect the “before” that happened to their adopted child, as if the kid was only created the moment they adopted them. This is super damaging in its own way and also makes me angry.)

So Shane is going to have to combat this entire concept of “perfect” because these kids have been told over and over again that they’re not. He’s going to have to create an environment where they can look at themselves and realize that they’re okay, that they don’t have to pretend to be loved, that they deserve love. They get to exist and they should never feel like they have to apologize for that.

(Another side note: this is actually something a friend who was adopted shared with me. The overwhelming pressure to apologize for not being what their parents wanted, for not being grateful enough that they got adopted.)

The kids, for their part, are going to have to learn to be kids. And that’s going to be really, really hard.

TL;DR yes, there are definitely disabled kids in the 100 pt kids! There will be all sorts of kids with all sorts of problems that will be addressed as best as Shane can (and then with a therapist where he can’t because he’s read stuff, okay? He didn’t get all those parent points just for being rich.)

anonymous asked:

in the past month u posted saying u want to delete like 5 times. grow the fuck up and stop being a little bitch. if u dont want to be here then delete

I would tell you to fuck off for being so rude, but i’m a nice person unlike you so i’ll explain why i do that.

 See, i have poor mental health and i suffer from anxiety and paranoia and sometimes this blog fucks everything up for me. I live with this idea everyone hates me and i shouldn’t be here. It’s hard to explain, but that’s how i am.


You think i’m craving attention but i promise you, only i know how hard it is for me to have social media. I mean… i had instagram for 2 days then i deleted it because i couldn’t handle being there anymore lmao. 

i’m very sensitive and i get hurt too easily for my own good, it’s how it is. If you have such a big problem with that then unfollow me, block me do whatever you want but don’t come to my blog calling me a little bitch for doing something i can’t control. 

When i said i almost deleted this blog like ‘’5 times’’ i mean it, it’s true and maybe i’ll do it someday when i feel like i can’t be here anymore, and that’s my decision.

Accept not everyone’s the same, some people live for social media and some people avoid it. You’re the one here who needs to grow up.

anonymous asked:

Sianii you are officially a prick a fucking good for nothing prick. This is Gerundive. I'm not on my fucking page because I don't recall my password and work 3 fucking jobs and go to school full time and don't have time to reset the shot but you have offially passed from a unkind person to a prick a bitch and someone who has lost a lot of things honestly I hope Ky fucking dumps your ass because your absolutely shitty. Wow and honestly I'm ashamed you are the new generation wow you just wow

I like how… you don’t explain why I’m shitty, you simply come to my page to bash me and tell me how twisted I make your pink panties

Look, I’m cool with your opinion and all, but you doing this doesn’t exactly measure up to anything if you don’t want to tell me WHY you don’t like me. I can’t improve from your ask, nor can I find any incentive to respect you either.

That’s okay though, nobody’s perfect.

i’d like to explain a few things about why people reblog their own posts

  • making gifs and edits is hard, okay. it might seem easy to you, but try doing it yourself and you’ll have much more respect for people making stuff on tumblr
  • when you put a lot of effort in creating something, it’s only natural that you want it to be acknowledged by people
  • t i m e z o n e s. we’re all from different timezones and when you post something, it might not get any notes because most people were asleep at the moment

Okay, seriously though. That episode left me with two very important questions:

1) Where the FUCK did the stripper pole come from?

2) WHEN THE FUCK DID YUURI AND CHRIS LEARN TO POLE DANCE TOGETHER???

But you know what breaks my heart about YOI Ep 8

I feel like we’re already getting a gilmpse into Viktor’s character here, as I explain below.

Yuuri and Victor stand here together, watching JJ perform

Then the announcers say JJ is going to do a quadruple lutz, and there’s something special about this one:

And this is towards the end of the program. 

Then when the program ends, Yuuri turns, expecting to see Victor, and 

Viktor isn’t there.

In a span of maybe about 30 seconds, he has vanished. 

Why?

Maybe, just maybe, Viktor is having an emotional/ vulnerable/ painful moment because of how the reporters made that comparison, threw his name in it so casually, made him seem like another data point that JJ could beat.

Maybe, for the first time in a while, Viktor was made to feel so small and insignificant.

2

YA LIT MEME: three endings → The Hunger Games Series by Suzanne Collins

Peeta says it will be okay. We have each other. And the book. We can make them understand in a way that will make them braver. But one day I’ll have to explain about my nightmares. Why they came. Why they won’t ever really go away.
 I’ll tell them how I survive it. I’ll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels impossible to take pleasure in anything because I’m afraid it could be taken away. That’s when I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I’ve seen someone do. It’s like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after more than twenty years.
But there are much worse games to play.

anonymous asked:

so steve and peggy knew each other/worked together for years, not months? because that would make way more sense, considering how deep their feelings seemed to run. i never did get why they were so intense if they only knew each other for a little time, but if it was years, then that explains it. do we have a timeline?

Yes! Steve and Peggy knew each other for almost two years before Steve died! Which is why it drives me nuts when people say they barely knew each other. The timeline isn’t well-explained in CATFA, but here’s my rundown of events: 

Steve is recruited by Erskine on June 14, 1943. The year is also confirmed by the newspaper in that scene. He meets Peggy a day later, when he arrives at Camp Lehigh for his training. It’s love at first sight for Steve, but it’s not long before Peggy starts noticing him, too:

(I should mention that the flag at Camp Lehigh says it’s 1942, so mistakes in the MCU are entirely possible. Moving on!).

Steve is chosen for the SuperSoldier project within a few days of arriving at camp. On the way to the operation, he and Peggy have a heartfelt talk about the discrimination they face in the military, and she begins to fall for him (…even though Steve tries to flirt with her but kind of insults her instead. Oh, Steve). But her crush is especially noticeable after the serum, because… well:

Yeah.

According to a newspaper in the film, Captain America is born on June 23, 1943! (Okay, technically it would be June 22 because the paper would be the next day, but semantics). It’s been 9 days since Steve was recruited, and 8 days since Steve and Peggy first met. Mutual crushes have been established!

After Erskine’s death, Steve tours the east coast of the USA and parts of Europe from July - October 1943, selling war bonds. Peggy is sent to London during this time, but it’s possible they kept in touch. Or, alternatively, the Captain America tour poster states he would be in “London, Bristol, Manchester, Allied Bases in Europe, and North Africa”, in that order, so maybe they met up in London before reuniting at the Allied Bases. Regardless, Peggy knows of Steve’s adventures and they’re comfortable with each other when we see them again in Azzano.

In early November 1943, Steve learns that Bucky has been captured by HYDRA and he and Peggy plan the illegal rescue mission. This is really the first time Steve and Peggy flirt with each other, not just little glances and smiles (”You’re late!” becomes their Thing). The day Steve brings Bucky home is November 24, 1943, according to Steve’s condolence letter:

Everyone moves to London a few days later. It’s here where things become serious: Peggy flirts with Steve while wearing the red dress, and they promise to go dancing after the war (which becomes a euphemism for their future, with ‘the right partner’ line). From the moment she walks into the bar wearing that dress, her eyes only for Steve… they’re going steady, in my mind. Especially because Steve tells Bucky “Maybe she’s got a friend”, as if he and Peggy are already together. It explains why Peggy is so pissed when she sees Steve kissing a woman in the bunker a few days later – she thought they were a done deal. At this point, they’ve known each other for five months (which is around the time you would get serious with someone. Just saying!).

From December 1943 onwards, Steve leads the Howling Commandos through all their famous missions. Peggy is part of this Special Ops team, shown in the wartime montage in CATFA. And Steve carries a photo of her in his compass, like she’s his Girl, so I’d say they’re serious about each other. 

Their time together is also mentioned in CATWS, in the video at the Smithsonian; Peggy talks about a mission they did together in the Winter of 1944. Plus she’s still upset talking about Steve, eight years after his death, which speaks volumes about their relationship:

So we can assume that they worked side-by-side for the entirety of 1944. Maybe they were in correspondence throughout each mission and met in London between them (going off the bombed-out pub scene)? Although I’m betting Peggy joined in on a few of those missions, too!

(BTW, by my best guess, Bucky dies around Feb-Mar 1945, but it’s completely up for debate. I know the Smithsonian tribute says he died in 1944, but… it doesn’t really fit with the timeline of CATFA, so I’m electing to ignore it).

Finally – Peggy and Steve share their first (and only) onscreen kiss right before Steve’s last mission, which is in 1945. We know this mostly from CATWS; Natasha teases Steve with “Was that your first kiss since 1945?”, which suggests it’s a known fact that Steggy macked (who knows - maybe Colonel Phillips wrote about it for the history books). Most people accept that VE Day in the MCU is the same as real life (May 8, 1945)… which means Steve probably died sometime in April 1945.

So! This means Steve and Peggy knew each other for almost 2 years (June 14, 1943 - April 1945), and were ‘going steady’ (or at least only had eyes for each other) for ~1.5 years. That’s a pretty long time, especially in the 1940s when most people were married within a year of ‘steady’ dating – even less during wartime. And while it was cool to casually date, it wasn’t cool to sleep around or even have makeout sessions, which weren’t popular until Car Culture in the 1950s. Many couples in the 1930-40s wouldn’t have done much with each other before their marriage night, even if they had been Serial Daters before getting together. 

So when people say “Steve and Peggy weren’t serious because they only kissed once!” …it’s not a valid argument, in my mind. TWO YEARS, MAN. That’s a longterm relationship!

how could we explain some of this stuff. i’m crying at a lifetime show because the dad was nice to his daughter. at the end of the movie nobody holds a grudge and they all go get a nice dinner. or maybe she burned the turkey but they just laugh and take her out to pizza instead. it’s lovely. 

how do i explain why i knew how to lie well by the time i was four. that doesn’t even sound real. my doctors say my reflexes are over-reactive. that’s a real thing people have. i tell this to my friends as a joke. how i should be in the CIA because i can put on a personality and i’m always ready for anything. isn’t that cute. yesterday an acorn hit my car roof and at the noise i had to pull over in order to stop shaking. i’m sorry officer i was just lost i’ll be on my way shortly. 

questions we learned to form early. can you tell i was crying. did i do okay. are you sure you like me. am i being too controlling. was i okay just then? is this okay? are you okay?

are you okay?

So pre-war people would have been a lot taller then the present day post-apoc folk right? I’m not taking the characters models as gospel since Bethesda wasn’t exactly branching out with body types. But it makes sense, lack of good nutrition plus radiation isn’t going to do wonders for the next generation. Animals tend to become smaller when resources are fewer, (the whole dinosaurs becoming birds over time thing)

  • I actually really love this headcanon because it means-
  • The enclave are basically the racist elves of Fallout.
  • power armour would be designed for much taller body types, explaining why the player character always seems to be better at using them then enemy types, and why there are exo-skeletons stripped and abandoned everywhere. (The BoS make their own and modify existing armour to fit them)
  • Active Vaults are the hidden elf villages of post-apoc America. Full of these freakishly tall clear skinned assholes.
  • Pre-war Ghouls become a lot more intimidating when most of them look like giants standing next to you.
  • No seriously the reason Edward Deegan can get into Diamond City is probably because he looks like he could clothes-line every city guard without slowing down.
  • Holy shit the feral Ghouls just got pants-shittingly more terrifying!
  • Supports the Tiny Hancock headcanon. Forever support the Tiny Hancock headcanon.
  • Nick is probably the pre-war average 6′0 like other gen 2s. He just seems really tall next to your average jane and joe commonwealth.

LET’S TALK ABOUT AMY POEHLER!!!

I mean, first, she was so sad. So sad. Like I feel really bad that she had to entertain us because she wants to lock herself in her room just like the rest of the world. But she was still so funny and wonderful and I just love her so much.

  • She was hilarious and sweet and encouraging to girls and telling us to work hard and surround ourselves with positive people and I just feel very inspired
  • She was so PUMPED when Parks and Rec was brought up. She loves that show, man
  • If she could have played a different character on Parks and Rec it’d be Andy because she loves Christ Pratt. She’s play him by killing Chris and wearing his face.
  • She wishes someone would start a show called “SHHHHHH” where people of color sit white people down and explain why the things they do are racist. And every time the white person says “But I-” the person of color says “SHHHHHHHH!”
  • She’d like an aestroid to come down and kill us all before Janurary. That’d be cool. 
  • “Speed round of questions. What’s your spirit animal?” “No, that’s racist.” 
  • She’s very short. Did you guys know that???? Cause I did NOT
  • OK there’s so much more that I can’t remember now but I’m gonna leave you with this:
  • “What similarities do you have to Leslie?” “Well, I’m generally a pretty positive person *quietly* except right now…”
  • She keeps trying to think about how Leslie would handle this, and she would hunker down, gather her people, and get to work. And she says she’s too angry at the moment to do that. But let me tell you, there’s a reason that when I think of Amy Poehler, I imagine Leslie. She’s all the good parts of Leslie, and we deserve her SO MUCH RIGHT NOW
Seymour Invented New Cruel Trick

Step 1 Is Get Enemy

Step 2: Say “Your Not Invited To My Birthdayparty” (Dont Panic I Will Explain)

Step 3 Be Careful And Dont Pick A Strong Enemy Because Of The Punches And Kicks In This Step

Step 4 Is You Laugh AtYour Enemy Sadness Because Of No Birthday Treats

Step 5, Your Say “Enemy I Rescind My Dark Spells You Are Invited Again But Dont Cross Me I Can Do Anything Without Fear”

Here Is Why It Works. Enemy Wants To Attend Birthdayparty And Get Some Treats But He Is Also Your Enemy. So You Only Make Pretend…

Now The Enemy Shall Know Your Huge Strengths But Still Have A Good Fun Birthday Cake On Your Party

INTP problems

● Having a ton of good ideas in your head, but never putting effort into making them a reality

● Stuck between being productive or playing video games all day in bed

● Constantly losing shit

● Wanting affection, but then disregarding it and telling yourself “Oh I don’t need that!! That’s dumb”

● Zoning out at inappropriate times, which is pretty much always?

● Talking someone’s ear off in a one on one conversation to the point where the other person wants to flee for their lives

● Knowing plenty of random subject matter, but once again doing nothing with it

● Getting a recognizable odor to you because spraying cologne or perfumes is less effort than taking a shower (yeah I’m guilty of this)

● Controlling your emotions is like a dog climbing a tree

● When you get “into” someone, you REALLY get into them, and then get confused about why you feel so ridiculous around them

● Love is terrifying and impossible to explain

● Laughing to yourself over stuff on your phone and having people give you strange looks over it

● Thinking of ludicrous, silly, unrealistic possibilities or theories just for the hell of it

● Taking criticism personally and then acting as if it’s no big deal even though inside you’re probably crying or pissed off

● Taking ages to come to a conclusion over something because you think of about 800 different ways it could go

● Last but not least… wanting to be anything else but an INTP because you have waaaaaay too much going on in your head to properly process all of it

I keep seeing posts like “the theory that Peridot is a child explains why she so desperately wants to go home and why she’s so scared!” as though an adult would not be terrified if they were stranded in a place completely foreign to them, in enemy territory, with full knowledge that any day now a terrible thing is going to happen that will 100% kill everyone there, including them.

shockingly, fear is not an emotion exclusive to children

The lie of privacy rant

My mother would gossip to the other parents about my stomach pains, the rashes, my bowel movements and bed wetting when i was a child.

I begged her to not share these things but she would insist maybe one of those catty women would know a way to help.

My grandmother laments my strict diet and shelves of medication to her bible group and I simmer when they make jokes at dinners.

My father complains about the medical bills to his buddies, I hear him on the phone telling a man I’ve never met about the anxiety attacks I have always hidden from my friends.

My sister explains to the people ar the grocery store why I walk so slowly, why I limp, why my breathing is so loud even when i ask her to stop.

My grandfather asks people to pray for my crooked spine, my failing lungs, the way my joints have begun to give up.

They do it because they need to explain why I’m not normal, they do it to vent about the burden.

They say it’s public information since anyone could see.

But that woman in the store didn’t need to know about my bowel movement when i was 13 and burning red with embarrassment.

The church ladies didn’t need to know the amount of pills i take in a day.

I deserved an increment of privacy.

But if you’re disabled in any way you are seen as a small child. Private information is nonexistent, they speak like you can’t hear them, like it doesn’t matter how embarrassed you may be.

And that sucks.

5

Leo then went on to explain how one of his goals for the short was to reach those who aren’t at a job they’re happy with. “How do those people feel, you know? I really sympathize with them. And I think it’s a way – it’s a love letter for them. For them to have hope, but at the same time we have to be practical too,” he said. 

“So that’s why I think it’s ‘Inner Workings’, because the world as a whole doesn’t change. The character…because he changed, he ends up kind of – it’s contagious, he ends up kind of influencing the people around.”

The message of “Inner Workings” is ultimately that happiness and change come first from within. In a world that’s obsessed with work, with getting ahead, and with being on top, “Inner Workings” is a breath of fresh air that teaches both children and adults about the importance of self-care.

“Inner Workings” is a love letter for the stressed and overworked [Behind-the-Scenes with the creators] (x)

On gendered behaviour, feminism, and gender as emotion

You know that trans narrative. “We always knew she was a girl because she played with dolls while her brother was playing with trucks.” Trans folks are pushed to justify their gender in a way that cis people never are, most notably by the medical community. We are taught to do this, in a way that cis people have never been, even when it’s not necessary.

It felt awful to be asked by doctors to explain why I thought I needed treatment, and “I’ve been feeling awful about gendered parts of my body for several years” is never enough. I had to give details in a way that a man with gynaecomastia never would, and because I was not a trans man but a nonbinary person I also had to justify why I didn’t want testosterone treatment. I found myself recounting the time I refused to leave the house in a dress just around the time I hit puberty. Why my mother felt the need for me to wear a dress was not questioned, but my desire to not wear a dress became the subject of serious scrutiny.

At the same time, feminists are fighting a very important battle for cis women and cis men that seems entirely conflicting. Women don’t have to be feminine or submissive. Little girls don’t have to play with dolls, and boys can love cooking and dancing. When cis girls are encouraged to pursue sciences, a trans girl’s love of engineering is seen as evidence of her manliness. And why would you want to be a woman, when your body and your behaviour match up?

Most humans can probably accept the idea that what we do is not who we are. Gay men have wives and children, I can pass as not-autistic in a pinch, and so on. Women (cis and trans) can be butch and men can be femme. Anyone can be both. The myth that 80% of “trans” children grow out of it is based on studies in which playing with toys that don’t match your birth-assigned gender was enough to qualify you as trans, so it’s clear that dysphoria is quite a different thing from rejecting gender norms.

So how does that fit into the trans narrative? And what is gender?

“So if girls can act like boys and still be girls, the same is true for you. You’re nonbinary when you’re in heels, you’re nonbinary when you’re in a tux. A woman is a woman with or without her uterus. Lots of trans and nonbinary people don’t want or can’t have hormones or surgeries, so it’s obviously not required for being so. In light of all of that, how do you know that you’re nonbinary?”

No one has ever asked me in this way, but I feel the questions. When you’re the subject of inquiry from doctors, the government, and everyone you meet more than once, you start to build an idea of a collective feeling, the accumulation of every curious mind into one voice. And it’s asking, “what is gender? How do you know yours is nonbinary?”

That voice asks other questions unrelated to gender in the same way. You see it reflected in books and movies and the questions children ask adults. I’m coming to see that there is another question that is very nearly the same. “What does being in love feel like? How do you know when you’re in love?”

The usual answer is “being in love is indescribable. When you feel it, you just know.”

I just know that I’m nonbinary. It explains everything, but if you asked me to I couldn’t explain it. Knowing your gender after years of not even realising you were strange, it puts everything into perspective.

So I’m coming to think of gender as an emotion, like being in love.

“I’m sorry, but you weren’t successful in your interview this time - you’re in love, and one of the other interviewees isn’t, so we think they’ll fit the role better.”

“Welcome to the store! Over here is the section for people who’re in love, and over there is the one for people who aren’t. We do also have a section upstairs for those who’ve loved and lost, because we know how it can be good to have something a little wider at the shoulders.”

If I tell someone I’m in love, they accept it without question. I imagine if I was sitting with a group of friends and I told them I was in love, they would affirm it and be happy for me. If someone questioned my feelings, they’d be challenged: “how would you know? You can’t tell them what they’re feeling! It’s their experience!” I am respected, my feelings are taken seriously. It’s assumed that I will make major life choices based on my being in love, like moving in with someone, marrying them, maybe one day having children, etc.

If I tell someone that I am nonbinary, I am often met with skepticism - especially online, where challenging me carries fewer penalties because there are so many people and none who see the exchange are likely to care about me. I am told in various ways that I am my birth-assigned gender - a weird example of it, but still a woman, and a traitor for rejecting that womanhood. I am criticised for not embodying a gender I never chose, that was forced upon me before I could even focus my eyes, by people calling themselves feminists. “You are one of us, whether you agree or not! Now, be better at it!” I have been told that I am mentally ill, that intersex conditions are evidence that sex and therefore gender are binary, and that I will likely regret my transition. I have been called “that” by a lead clinician in a gender identity clinic. People argue about whether my pronouns are grammatically correct, or try and fail to avoid pronouns altogether. (Imagine someone repeatedly telling you that whether or not you are married to your husband is a matter of public debate.)

And so we come full circle. I feel that my transition and my neutral name and pronouns are an expression of my gender. But these things are external, and behaviour doesn’t make you a man or a woman or a nonbinary person. A woman who’s had a double mastectomy to survive cancer is still a woman. A man with a hormone disorder is still a man. My behaviour and my body are not proof that I am nonbinary.

If you move in with someone it doesn’t mean you’re in love.

It’s strange how when it comes to being trans all the assumptions are mysteriously forgotten, as part of the pattern in which we are seen as alien. Usually when someone behaves in a particular way it’s an effect, no? Emotion inspires action, that’s how it is to be human. And for gender it’s no different: we feel a gender (or no gender), and we express it - like wearing masculine clothes and having feminine body modifications like pierced ears and avoiding strongly gendered social cues altogether. This is true for trans and cis people alike.

I also feel gender dysphoria, which I don’t fully understand. It used to be a lot worse, an eternal dissociation from my body, and changing my body and name and pronouns made me feel a lot happier and less numb. When the whole world and your own body disagree with your own experience of your gender for every moment of every day, it breaks you. Doctors are sometimes willing and able to help.

And many people feel gender euphoria, where there’s no discomfort, but expressing your gender in spite of your birth assignment brings you such joy and quality of life that you’d be a fool or self-punishing to deny yourself that. (When you’re in love, the world tells you to act on it. Tell them! Say yes! Take a leap of faith, it’s worth the risk. Love is euphoric.)

We know that a single action can be an expression of a lot of different feelings. Maybe I marry someone because I’m in love with them, but maybe I do it for the right to work in a particular country. My nonbinary gender inspired me to express it by cutting my hair short, but this woman has a pixie cut too. Women are more strongly encouraged to pursue feminine crafts like knitting, but before the 1500s knitting was guild-led men’s work. My skirt could mean anything. There’s a very good chance it just means I like to wear skirts.

Things get sticky when people assume a cause from the effect. You’re wearing a dress so you must be a woman. You love ladies and you keep your hair short and you’re into mechanics, so you’re not trans enough to be a real woman. You had sex so that means you’re in love with them, right?

So much oppression uses gender, and sometimes gender gets the blame. If there were no gender, women would automatically be equal to men, right? If there is no gender, there is no gendered oppression. It’s like trying to prevent crimes of passion by eradicating love.

Like any emotion, it’s affected by things in your environment. I second-guessed my nonbinary gender until I had top surgery, and when my chest was flat I finally lost all doubt. It was like my body was telling my mind that I was a woman when my mind knew the truth, and I had to change my body to stop that signal. This idea that gender is always and consistently tied to one’s anatomy makes things difficult for genderfluid folks - but I know that I am more or less in love with my partners at different times for various (sometimes unknowable) reasons. Some people have never fallen in love. Imagine that every time you were angry as a small child your mother told you that this feeling was called “happy”, how that would mess you up; no one named my gender where I could hear it until I was 25.

So, what can I say?

  • Gender is an emotion, a feeling. Some people don’t feel it. It can be a vital, fundamental experience that should never be denied you by anyone else.
  • The feeling of gender can be affected by external things - your body, the way people treat you, other feelings you’re having at the same time…
  • People can help you to name your gender, but there is no way they can possibly know it on your behalf. It’s not just immoral or rude to do so - it is impossible.
  • Gender dysphoria is painful and life-disrupting and should be taken seriously and treated by doctors.
  • Gender euphoria is incredibly important - we need to live by pursuing good feelings, not just by finding ways to escape bad ones.
  • Some people have neither of those things, and still feel gender, and it should be respected - see the first bullet point.
  • Behaviour is gendered by people. The gendering of behaviour is arbitrary and shifts over time.
  • We have no way of knowing exactly what someone is expressing with their behaviour, or whether it’s even connected to their gender at all.
  • Disrespecting someone by debating the validity of their self-expression is never okay.

This has been an extremely long ramble of thoughts that finally came together and connected themselves up this evening. If you’ve got this far, I salute you. o7

~

This post is also on Medium.

♥ just ocd things ♥
  • not being able to explain why you need someone to do something, getting really angry about it, and then realising an hour later it was just your fucked up brain
  • people constantly teasing you for getting fixated on one little thing and then dangling said thing in your face just to wind you up
  • let mental/physical clutter pile up around you because you know once you start you won’t be able to stop but the fact it’s there stresses you out even more and before you know it you’re a sobbing, hyperventilating mess
  • people thinking ocd is just germophobia and that it’s all about cleanliness
  • keeping your mouth shut when people say “oh my god i’m so ocd”
  • keeping your mouth shut when people say “shouldn’t it be called cdo lolololol” like no because then it would be called compulsive disorder obsessive and that’s just fucking annoying stfu
  • constant invalidation
  • losing all your friends :):):)
  • giving into the most stupid of compulsions because you are far too exhausted for a panic attack
  • intrusive thoughts
  • “we’re all a little bit ocd”
  • getting really stressed when people say you’re ocd nope you’re not ocd you HAVE ocd (unless the actual disorder itself is reading this in which case i’m terribly sorry also fuck you)
  • the big bang theory turning the very thing that makes your life a living hell into a running gag lmao he has to knock three times it’s SO FUNNY
  • “why are you so stressed all the time? just chill out man”
  • constant invalidation