because I was gone in europe for a while

Sebastian Stan Imagine; Little Bump

Hey! So this is a little one shot I posted on my AOW, hope you like it!

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x You

Warnings: Fluff 

Word Count: Lots.



It was Saturday morning, and woking up early wasn’t one of my greatest abilities. I loved a good sleep, a long one.

I rubbed my eyes before sitting up on the bed, before turning on the Tv to hear the news or something to keep me up for a bit at least.

Then I took my phone from the nightstand besides my bed, turning on the phone before going through all the notifications on it, finding a new text from Sebastian.

“Hey, baby. New location, working my ass off. I’m missing you like crazy, i’ll be back in four weeks. Love you with all my heart.”

That text made me smile, he has been gone for a while, shooting his new movie in Europe got him moving all around the countries. He’s been sending me pics from all of the famous spots in the countries, some of them were with him pouting, wanting me to be with him. It made me love him even more.

“I miss you too, baby. I’ll be waiting anxiously for you here, have fun and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

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dark-st  asked:

Hii, Liam x Mc for the couples ask thing please

So, I’m finally getting around to answering the last few ‘ship breakdown’ asks I got. Sorry it took so long, @dark-st!

  • How did they meet?
    He went to her bar for his bachelor party and she offered to show them around New York.
  • Who developed romantic feelings first?
    Thye both fall fast. Liam’s smitten the moment she takes him to see the Status of Liberty. Riley’s intrigued by him when he’s all quiet and thoughtful when they go to the quiet beach, and by the end of the night, she likes him enough to fly to Europe for him.
  • Who is their biggest “shipper?”
    Definitely Maxwell.
  • When did they have their first kiss and under what circumstances?
    They had their first kiss the first night they met, after she took him on a private boat tour to the Statue of Liberty.
  • Who confessed their feelings first?
    Both of them are very open with the fact that they have strong feelings for each other - Riley doesn’t see the need to be coy when she’s already flown hundreds of miles for him. It takes a while for them to actually say ‘I love you’ though.
  • What was their first official date?
    RIiley likes to class the trip to New York as their first date (because it sounds slightly less crazy to travel to Europe for a guy she’s gone on a date with than with a guy she’s just met). Liam thinks their first ‘official’ date was the one he organised the night before the Beaumont party.
  • How do they feel about double dates/group dates?
    They don’t mind them.group dates.
  • What do they do in their down time?
    Liam really doesn’t have a lot of downtime and neither does Riley once she’s busy learning how to be a Queen, so when they do have down time they just relax together.
  • What was the first meeting of parents as an official couple like?
    Riley had already gained the approval of the court so her first ‘meeting’ of his parents once they’re officially together is goes very well. Liam had told her what she was meant to do beforehand. Liam meeting Riley’s parents is awkward - neither of her parents really know how to react to him being a Prince, and considering that they didn’t even know Riley was seeing him before they were engaged, it all seems very sudden to them.
  • What was their first fight over and how did they get past it?
    Their first fight is when Riley finds out just how much she’s expected to do before she can marry him and become Queen. She’s expected to learn Greek (the common language of Cordonia) and become familiar with the laws and traditions and she didn’t sign up for that. It’s the first time Riley has ever really lost her temper around him. She says she wouldn’t have said yes if this was what was involved and Liam is very apologetic, which just angers her more - doesn’t he ever get angry? They get past it because Riley basically talks herself into calming down - she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t love him so much and if she could deal with the social season for him, she can deal with this. Liam says he’ll try and convince the court that conversational Greek is good enough.
  • Which one is more easily made jealous?
    Neither of them.
  • What is their favourite thing to get to eat?
    Riley sometimes convinces Drake to go and get some fast food for her and Liam instead of eating the (what she considers) over-the-top meals served by the palace chefs.
  • Who’s the cuddly one? What their favourite cuddling position?
    They’re both very cuddly when they’re alone - even after they get together, Liam tends to keep a bit of distance between them in public (hand-holding is really as far as he’ll go, unless Riley decides she’s feeling especially affectionate.) 
  • Are they hand holders?
    Yes
  • How long do they wait before sleeping together for the first time? What’s the circumstances?
    They wait until they’re engaged. Liam announces he’s chosen Riley and although they’re still not really meant to be sharing a room or anything until after the marriage, Riley sneaks out of her room that night to see him.
  • Who tops?
    Riley.
  • What’s the worst fight they’ve ever gotten into?
    Their worst fight was also their first fight (see above)
  • Who does the shopping and the cooking?
    They have people who do that for them. Riley will sometimes go to the kitchens and cook burgers or something though when she misses non-gourmet food.
  • Which one is more organised and prone to tidiness?
    Liam is very tidy and very organised.
  • Who proposes?
    Liam does.
  • Do they have joined Bachelor/Bachelorette parties or separate?
    Joined. Well, Liam’s technically also had his Bachelor party, but as Riley’s friends in Cordonia are also Liam’s friends, what is meant to be her Bachelorette party is really for both of them.
  • Who is the best man/maid of honour? Any other groomsmen or bridesmaids?
    Liam’s older brother Leo is the best man and Drake and Maxwell are his groomsman. (He would have asked Drake to be best man, but tradition dictates it has to be Leo.) Riley asks Hana to be her maid of honour and then, because she doesn’t have anyone she wants to ask for to be her bridesmaid, the Queen chooses for her (because she needs two bridesmaids for symmetry)
  • Big Ceremony or Small?
    It’s a royal wedding. It’s very big.
  • Do they have a honeymoon? If so, where?
    With Liam’s coronation, they don’t have time for a honeymoon.
  • Do they have children? How many?
    Although the King and Queen and the media are hoping for children soon after their marriage, Riley and Liam make a decision to wait a couple of years before even starting to try for children. Riley points out that their relationship was fast (and strange, with the whole seocial season thing) and she was happy to do that for him, but she wants time with just him before they even consider children. Eventually, they have two kids.
Just what I need

Harry Styles - 1227 words

This will be a multiple-part ‘story’, and you’ll ‘meet’ Harry in the next one. Just trying to set the vibe :) For now, enjoy a bit of Liam. Happy reading!

———————————————————————-

“Well Liam, what do you expect me to do about it? I really have to find a new roommate and fast, because I surely as hell can’t pay for rent all by myself.” I sigh, my flattened out hand stretched against my forehead, cursing inwardly about ever taking in a random stranger to live with me and expect it to go just great. It was the complete opposite though, when I found him searching through my underwear drawer and sniffing occasionally. Liam was here within five minutes to throw his sorry ass out of our flat along with a suitcase filled with his belongings.

“Baby, you’ve worked enough to go a few months without a roommate from hell. It’ll be fine, just this time take your time in trying to find a new, proper roommate.” Liam tries to assure me through the telephone, breaking another groan from my lips. “Just what I need to hear. It’s not that easy, Li.” I roll my eyes at my boyfriend’s stupid words, of course he’d think everything would just turn out amazingly great again if I was willing to put a little effort into it and have a little patience. Truth be told, it wasn’t that easy. Ben was my fourth new roommate since the beginning of this semester, and to be honest I had a feeling they were only getting more horrible whenever a new one came along.

“And what am I going to do when you’re on the other side of the world studying for the rest of the semester, Liam? Who’s going to protect me then?” I was starting to grow a bit agitated by the nonchalance that my boyfriend seemed to always carry around with him. Liam had everything going for him. He got the scholarship, because of his amazing football skills, he was smart, he didn’t have to study much to get the grades he was getting right now, and to top that all off, his mentor had asked him if he wanted to join him on an adventure through Europe, learning about all about the business major he was currently following. Yes, I never understood what football and business had with one another.

“I already asked Niall and Naomi to keep an eye on you while I’m gone. And there’s Harry too.” Liam stated stiffly, I could hear in his tone that he was starting to get fed up with my shit and to be honest, by now I was as well. But I just didn’t feel safe around these parts of campus anymore and I already had to walk home from the bar every night hoping to not get raped and murdered. Liam thought I was overreacting, of course.

“Harry?” I question. The name had fallen from Liam’s lips multiple times by now, but never had I ever even met the person that accompanied that name. From what I understood from Annie, Harry was a kind hearted, handsome and unbelievably generous man who could take over the world by just smiling at you. To say that I was intrigued, was the least.

“Yeah,  I should really introduce you sometime. I mean, I guess he’s here to stay and he’s a nice guy and all, so. I think you two might actually get along great.” There is a form of hesitance laced through Liam’s words and I assure him that if he’s a friend of my boyfriend, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine. Because that is what a good girlfriend is supposed to do, right? I’m met with a slight cough from the other line again and I furrow my eyebrows, but try to keep it at that.

“Where did you meet him again?” I decide to ask, quite sure that I know every little detail from the story of how Annie introduced Harry to the rest of the friend group, although I was working double shifts by then and studying my ass off for the up and coming finals. Now finals were over and I was bed ridden most of the time because my immune system thought it was hilarious to give me infection after infection on my free two weeks before school started again. When Liam would leave for the whole semester, only to return a day later than when the year was supposed to be over.

“I- uh, Annie has art class with him. She took him for coffee with Niall and they hit it off so great they decided he should become part of our friend group.” I can hear Liam roaming around his own flat, dropping something that quite resembled the sound of a plate breaking, but I keep still, biting my lip in thought and try to come up with an answer while I just let him do whatever he feels like he should be doing during a phone conversation with his girlfriend.

“Well, Annie has an amazing taste in people. So I’m sure he’s not a psychopath like Ben.” I laugh heartily, drawing a chuckle from Liam’s lips as well before silence engulfs us. “Are we hanging out later? Louis gave me the rest of the week off.” Liam grunts and curses into the phone and I roll my eyes as I hold a leaf green shirt against my only bra-covered upper body, nodding my head before turning back to my closet in search for a pair of jeans. “Sorry babe, I cut myself. Again.

“It’s fine, it’s not bleeding too much, is it?” I ask before I press the speaker button and drop my cell phone onto my unmade bed, buttoning the green shirt while I await Liam’s answer.
“Nah, it’s fine. Well everyone’s getting together but I can’t. I have a meeting with Mr. Richards about our leaving in a week and a half. Maybe I’ll join later.” I let a noise leave my lips that should resemble an agreement of some sorts, but I can’t help to frown that etched itself onto my skin during our conversation. Mr. Richards was all that Liam could ever talk about. It had been months since he and I went on a proper date together, let alone even got some alone time to ourselves. Whenever I did see my boyfriend, it was in the presence of all our friends.

“Maybe I’ll see you later then.” I sigh out, pressing the phone back between my right ear and right shoulder as I try to shimmy those tight jeans up my legs.
“I’m sorry, baby. You know how important it is to me. I’ll talk to you later, I love you.”

Liam always ended his phone calls with those particular three words, but I had never once reciprocated them. Merely because I wasn’t even sure if this was love, if I did love him in a way he desired of me. Of course, it was nice to have someone to turn to whenever you were in the mood, but somehow I get this feeling love should be more passion filled that what I am feeling for Liam. Whenever I saw Niall look at Annie, I almost immediately got jealous that Liam never granted me with one of those dumb struck, love fooled stares. They were great together and sometimes I felt like even our own friends thought Liam and I were together for convenience’s sake.
Well, maybe that’s why I said yes.

You can read the second part right here.
Lots of love,
L. xox

I lost her (Blink diamond Human au) ch.6

Chapter 6: The friend


I batted my eyes at them with uncertainty. My sweating hands were clasped together while legs were shaking. I was hyperventilating the more I listened. I could feel myself breaking down because of how much I was in denial. I constantly think in my head that Pink just went off to Spain for a really long time and when the time comes, she’ll back holding me into her arms.

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CNBlue Reaction To Their Pregnant Girlfriend Leaving For Europe For A Month

Hi! How would CNBlue react to their pregnant girlfriend leaving for a month to visit her family in Europe? - Requested By Anonymous

YONGHWA: “Nope. You’re not going. I’m going with you.” He would vehemently refuse. He didn’t want you going to Europe by yourself for so long considering the fact you were pregnant and he wouldn’t be there. 

JONGHYUN: “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go. What if something happens?” He would be stating all the thinks that could happen to you while you were gone up in the end would let you go. 

MINHYUK: “Do you really have to be gone for so long? What if you shortened your trip?” He wouldn’t necessarily stop you from going because he knew how important family was to you but he would try to get you to shorten your trip. 

JUNGSHIN: “Have fun but be careful. Call me everyday and keep me updated.” He’d be worried but wouldn’t stop you. He’d make sure you kept him updated on the pregnancy and was able to get in touch if he needed to.

youtube

NEW VIDEO: “Flossing My Buttcheeks??? - I swear there was a reason why it’s called that. Reblog if you watched and now know why. Stalking people who share this by reblogging! :]

We’ve got this box FULL of letters my dad’s dad sent my grandma while he was stationed in Europe during WWII and I’ve been trying to transcribe them as a personal project and highlights include

-well for one thing trying to read his handwriting because it’s so bad at one point I thought the word “after” was the letters “ztu”

-multiple instances of him being the biggest sap ever, have a sample

(he called her “angel” a lot.)

-him talking about the food wherever he was (this is something I did know about because it was something he did for the rest of his life such that my mother calls it “a woody deal”)

-soooooo much small-town gossip

-this

anyway in today’s History News people have always been people

-he refers to doing things across the ocean (like a couple getting engaged) as doing things “by remote control” it’s cute

-he tells her about the museums he goes to, like the Edison museum in Detroit and the Louvre. I’m only five letters in and there are two museums already go Grandpa. 

-seventy year old drama??

what did you do Eileen

MFMM and the war

Whatever you do, don’t think about Hugh Collins leaving his wife and children to enlist in the australian army in 1939 for a post overseas, despite being terrified to repeat the past and leave his boys fatherless.

Don’t think about Dorothy Collins finding out she’s expecting her fourth child three weeks after her husband leaves, her pain and her fear battling with the hope to finally have a little girl.

Don’t think about Jane Ross putting her studies on hold and joining the australian women’s army service as soon as she possibly can, always reminding herself to be as brave as her adoptive mother.

Don’t think about Jack Robinson overseeing the training of young men before they’re sent to Europe and seeing himself in them, knowing the lucky ones who’ll come back will be plagued by nightmares for years while struggling to put themselves back together.

Don’t think about Phryne Fisher helping out at the women’s hospital because so many young nurses have gone overseas and hosting lunches at Wardlow for starving women and children, always slipping another sandwich to that scrawny blond girl with the blue bows in her braided hair.

No seriously don’t think about world war two and the phryniverse.

So while I have done one of these the past two years, I almost didn’t this year. Not really sure why. I certainly turned more inward this year which I feel like I needed. I was trying to listen more and speak less. This one might be shorter. Let’s see.

Listen more, speak less. Right. 2015 was the first time we actually paid ourselves anything from doing this. My reported income from 2014 was maybe like $600, which was only reported because it’s a third of our total profit for the year. Idk it’s just like how business stuff works. But now I pay my rent (in a cheap as heck collective house in Worcester) and could probably afford more, which is tight. The reality of that sort of eased me into realizing that as much as we are just *mocking voice* a coupla dudes making music, we are incapable of separating our art, our politics, and like even the way we conduct ourselves on social media from the aspect of that we are always a business selling ourselves to you, as listeners. This is something 2011 me would have been like disgusted with. I’m fine by it now.

I think there is a sort of silliness with guitar rock bands. They sort of straddle this line of performance and “real” that leaves the viewer kind of confused as to what it actually is. To me, it’s a trick and sort of a good one. The result is, in my opinion, a watering down of both fronts. The performance aspect is sort of stagnant. It’s a good model for singing along with peeps, feeling lost in the sound and I don’t bash it. But the realness aspect is an interesting one for me.

When this band was young, or even before, I didn’t really think of it but pop/rock bands are in a way an effort to appear the most real. Who is wearing their heart the most on their sleeve? Who is saying the thing we think but don’t say? And like within that, at least with men, there was no talk about like how that is performed through the music and is accomplishing its goal. It’s just like a “idk it’s just a feeling”. Cute but imo not true. I am wholly under the impression that each of us is always performing in our lives. Within that, it is hard for me to believe that their art is somehow transcending that.

This whole realness thing leaks over into what I’ve been thinking a lot about this year, which is public figuredom. With most of the bands we toured with in 2014, we did not have these conversations. Both because ‘dudes’, but obv strongly in that we were sort of all recently jettisoned into situations where this all of a sudden mattered and we didn’t know how to talk about it.

Our first tour of 2015 was the first time I saw it talked about openly while we were touring with bands that had been doing it for a while and like are huge tbh. It was funny hearing artists described as “cool guy bands” in appreciation. As in like, mysteriously distant and deeply profound. On that tour was also a band with a deep care for their art yet a disconnect from how their fans interact with it. Also an interesting thing to see on such a large scale. Cool tour learned a lot.

Through this all I am experimenting with public figuredom as an intentional piece of being an artist. How, when I “clock in”, do I present myself that reflects the work we do to make it more cohesive and understood? How do I cultivate the attitudes around our art and ways of interacting with our art that I desire to see? How do I interact with people in a way that right off the bat assumes that they are complex and intelligent people? How can what I am doing challenge or disrupt the ways in which people are used to interacting with artists that can establish relationships that disempower the listener? Things I think about.

We’ve been lucky enough, or like maybe “good” enough, to have been able to build trust with the peeps that listen to our stuff. We have really intelligent peeps that care about our music enough to have honest and difficult dialogues about cool, interesting, challenging stuff regarding our art, presence. I feel pretty grateful for that.

But when you combine that trust with music media and politics though and you have a huge mess. If you thought art and public figuredom is complicated, adding politics is a legit damn mess. I for a long while stopped doing interviews last year because I hated the political aspects of the conversation that would always come up. It always felt like “so, you political?” “Yeah” “rad I agree with you.” Someone reached out about a piece they were writing on depression culture…? Or something…? Basically saying that kids on the internet talking candidly and comically about suicide/depression was insulting to people with “real mental illness”. I answered almost all of his questions with “I disagree with the entire concept you are talking about” but the piece still got published I still got blurbed for talking about eating right or something. This as well as the articles that want to paint us as “band of men vanguarding with feminist politics”. I am learning to reframe questions and reestablish narrative so that these things don’t happen.

It’s not ever really a question about whether other public figures care about that stuff or not as much as, “are they good at talking to 1000+ people?” But it’s a weird line in general. At what point does having a large social media presence tied in with your business and social currency both require you to and to not touch on certain issues? At what point is your voice needed to speak? At what point are you aestheticizing your business in another’s struggle? At what point are we System of A Down? At what point are we Macklemore? I spent 2015 listening while thinking about SOAD and Macklemore.

I’ve been lucky in this year to get to hear from and be surrounded by some wildly brilliant people with whom I’ve been trapped in a van with, traveled around Europe with, come home to share a room with, started projects with, gone on walks with, sat on a porch until late hours of the night with. I seem to have sort of been magnetically attracted to these people because a common theme amongst them is that they are all folks clinging deeply to realness. To honesty and transparency and kindness as a radical act. These people are mostly artists in some regard, each with their own way of expressing their chaos to the world. Which I am grateful for as it is often the only way to get real with what they are about, or more likely get real with that I have no clue what they are really about. Music is honestly great in that way. We are allowed to reconstruct the intangible worlds in our brain through sound and language. I’m not going to get too hippie on y'all but it’s honestly sick. So much love to those people. AK, JD, CM, CH, OWB, CZ, AB, MZ, ST.

And I think this is what bums me out about the wishy-washiness of rock music and performance. Realness is a treasure in life. I don’t want to see uncritical postured realness. I want transparency. I want to know that I’m not trying to be fooled. I want to see each person on stage conducting a performance. I want to see that performance able to be something talked in concretes and abstracts in admiration and disgust. And I’d like to see the same practice in the realm of public figuredom as well. Within that there is realness and performing. I think there needs to be the transparency as to when each of those separate pieces are present. Otherwise, I feel we are confusing the message, making realness a commodity, and thus more difficult to understand and know for not only the audience but individuals in their lives.

For y'all right now, I’m not entirely divorced from performance but am attempting to have my yearly update brought to you by “realness”. I do this because I feel more capable of being playful most of the time but also need space to affirm that I am a real person. I am an otherwise closed off person who makes a clear distinction between my personal life and my public figuredom. It is a division that allows me to clock in and out and not lose my sense of self. I hate taking promos and hate that we have a band Instagram. There are pieces of my life that I will share bluntly whenever, and pieces that I will only share on my own time. I will do my best to be honest with y'all and never treat you like you are unable to understand. I will do my best to tell you when I am trying to sell you something.

Transitioning to trying to sell you something. I’m very excited to show y'all this record the four of us worked on all last year. It’s called Goodness. It’s a love record. I feel like we are allowed to do that now. We are announcing it tomorrow with a video my friend Xirin made. This is going to be tight.

-Christian

Is destiel your OTP?

WELL IT’S MINE AND I JUST SPENT FOREVER THINKING UP AND CHANGING OTP AU IDEAS FOR THEM.

katdensetsu LOOK I DID THE THING

Feel free to use these. If you do, tag me! Because I wanna read them all.

1. I was a little (okay, a lot) drunk and I called the wrong number and started talking about my life and you only interrupted me after I basically told you every detail about myself, but now you’re kind of concerned about me and where I’m at so you ask me where I live.

2. “How are you not hung over?”

3. You were my best friend (and first love) from age 4 to 16 and now we are in our 30s and we both ended up in our home town at the same time but you’re married and I have a kid.

4. This is my first job and you’re my really hot coworker and I’m on blender duty making smoothies and god damn it I just turned the blender on without putting the lid on it because you bent over and you have a really nice ass.

5. You come into the gas station while I’m trying to work, and you talk too much (but I like it) and you’re going to get me in trouble if you keep hanging around, do you want to go to the movies with me next Friday?

6. We have this stupid inside joke about cowboys that we use every single day at school, but you’re going to college and I’m going to Europe and I miss laughing daily about cowboy face. Now, we are both back home and I just came up from behind you while you were pumping gas and whispered, “cowboy face,” in your ear and that’s how you ruined my favorite shirt.

7. We’ve gone to the same high school for four years and we are only speaking because you’re failing history and I’m being forced to tutor you.

8. I just want to save the bees, so you’re going to take this damn flier and listen to me talk for 15 minutes. “It’s not cute, it’s very important. Stop looking at me like that.”

9. I know you don’t know who I am, but my roommate’s significant other is staying over and I can’t handle another second of them moaning. Please let me sleep on your couch.

10. I have to pick a subject to photograph for my art class and my brother says you need cash. Please, do this. I’ll pay you.

11. I know its 3 am, but I’ve been studying for 12 hours and I need coffee and this is the only place in town that has a coffee machine, and since I broke mine I’m going to need you to fix this and fill it up pronto.

12. It’s way too late and finals are nearing and I’m running on Red Bull and Hershey bars, but I think there’s someone in my dorm room. Please save me.

13. I just jammed the office printer and you’re our new tech guy. I’m sorry I don’t know shit about electronics, but damn, are you single?

14. I found your USB drive in the computer in the library and I’m sorry, but I had to go through the files to find the owner. You write really nice poetry, by the way.

15. I don’t have a clue who you are, but that’s my ex, so I’m going to need you to kiss me now.

16. I ordered pizza because I’m babysitting my little brother and you were the delivery guy. Do you always write your number on the change?

17. We met on a Sunday morning while doing the walk of shame from two separate apartments in the same hall. Was your night as fucked up as mine?

18. You’ve been creeping on me from across the campus lawn for way too long and I was going to say something but you’re drawing me and I don’t know whether to be freaked out or flattered.

19. I swear to god I’m not a creep you just look like my friend from behind and that’s the only reason I just cupped your ass cheeks with both hands.

20. I transposed numbers in a phone number and sent a shirtless selfie to the wrong number but you replied anyway and now we’ve been talking/texting for months and I think it’s time to meet.

21. I really hate cats and I’m so allergic, but you just brought home the ugliest stray I have ever seen and damn it, I think it likes me

22. Your brother told me you needed a place to stay and my roommate just got married and moved out. Welcome to your new home.

23. My brother set me up on a blind date and your best friend set you up on yours and you sat at my table on accident and now I have to find a way to ditch this chick because I really like you.

24. Why in the hell are you mowing your lawn at 4:30 am? The sun isn’t even up yet.

25. You totally forgot to close your blinds and I just got home from work and you’re baking a pie in your underwear. Did I mention pie is my favorite food?

26. I’m really, really drunk and I have no clue where my keys are so please help me before I start crying.

27. Our daughters are in the same class and you brought yours to my daughter’s birthday party and hello you are pure sex, and, no, we can’t bounce in the bouncy castle. There are too many 6 year olds, it could compromise our coolness as dads.

28. You’re the gym teacher and I’m the history teacher and you look ridiculous(ly good) in those shorts.

29. I don’t want to be at this wedding and apparently neither do you, but there’s an open bar, so I guess that makes things okay.

30. I told my parents I was gay and now they keep trying to set me up with any and every queer man they see. So, I made up a boyfriend and now they’ve invited him for dinner, but he doesn’t exist, so I told them he can’t come and now they insist on pictures of us. I can’t keep pretending I forgot to take a picture with him. Please, random guy at McDonalds, take a picture with me.

31. You’re a soldier and I saw you off for your first tour overseas. It’s been a year and I miss you so much, but now, I’m waiting for you to get off your plane. ((Is it happy? Is it sad?? No one knows!))

32.  “What? No, I didn’t realize I was going 25 over the speed limit. No, damn it, I’m not crying. I’ve just never been pulled over before and I haven’t slept in 48 hours. Please don’t arrest me, I’m already late for work.”

33. We dated in our 20s and you broke my heart, but now we reconnected and I may be losing my mind, but I think I still love you.

34. I heard you can pick locks, so could you help me because I left my favorite pen in the class room—fuck you, it’s not funny, that pen is lucky.

35. We are pretending to date so you can make your ex jealous, and I just accidentally said I love you and you said it back, but I’m pretty sure you thought I was making for an authentic experience, but I meant it and I just got caught up in the moment.

36. I hate planes, but I can’t drive across country in the amount of time I have and you fly places all the time. So, thank you for helping me calm down.

37. The Bible guy on campus won’t let me go, so you rescued me by pretending to be my gay lover. Now, Bible guy is speechless.

38. “Hey, I just need to borrow—OH GOD! Where are your pants?” Alternatively:  You just walked in on me giving myself a little hand action. Why the fuck don’t you ever knock?

The unfortunate effect of Clarke and Lexa being back from their college visit road trip is that there’s a lack of privacy around the house. You’ve been spending a lot of time out by the pool with Abby who looks delicious in a bikini. You see her shooting similar lustful looks your way. You need to find a way to get Clarke and Lexa out of the house.

You text Octavia and ask her if she has any ideas. After a few innuendos about what you and Abby are going to do if she gets Clarke and Lexa to leave, she says she’ll work on it. You love Octavia for it because as you’re doing some of your homework at the outside table, Abby is tanning by the pool and you’re having the worst time concentrating.

Clarke and Lexa are sharing a lounger by the pool, both reading something different. Abby is reading a book as well. It’s about some kind of medical something that you can’t even pronounce. It kind of makes her so much hotter to you that she’s so smart.

Your phone rings and you see it’s Octavia. You answer, “Hey.”

“Hey Raven,” Octavia happily chirps, “What are you up to?”

“Semiconductor physics,” you answer. “What’s up?”

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