beauty love truth

Love as an offering… 

To love is not to possess the other person or to consume all their attention and love. To love is to offer the other person joy and a balm for their suffering. This capacity is what we have to learn to cultivate.

~Thich Nhat Hanh

I am the one before the one.

It’s a role I’ve learned to accept.

I am the one who will overload your senses, I am far too much of everything, but you will try to encompass all that I am. I will be the one who teaches you exactly what you want from “the one.” With me you will see things as though the lights were turned too high on the dimmer so that you could only see me and the music too loud that you couldn’t quite hear anybody else. With the next girl you end up with she will shine just brightly enough that you will be able to see everything you couldn’t see with me and the volume of her music will not leave you deaf when the song ends.
I will help you grow by pushing you to the extent of your limit, I will call you out when you’re wrong, I will ask you to do a little better than last time, and I will love you with a love you didn’t even know could exist.
It will feel as though one hand I’ve given you to hold holds all the love in the world and the other holds the words my tongue lashes out with no filter. But with those hands you will learn both the love you deserve and how to finally not hold back how you truly feel. These hands will teach you to speak freely without fear of condemnation and condescending judgements. They will teach you to love and touch everything that you find beautiful as you pull your hands through her hair or frolic through a patch of flowers and pull the petals to your face to smell their fragrance.
You see after me, you’ll learn not only how to love yourself, but love her. She will tell you that she’s never experienced a love quite like yours and you’ll never tell the secret that you learned it from me.

You see, I am the one before the one.

But like that scar you got from scraping your knee on the climb up your favorite mountain, you won’t forget me.
When pieces of her emanate me, I will be present in the breath you hold in just a second too long at the memory of me, the sharp feeling on your tongue as you bite down as my name starts to slip through your mouth, the butterflies in your stomach as you remember the way my eyes lit up at your presence. Her smooth edges that represent who she is will often remind you of my jagged edges, the ones that cut you but you still loved to climb. And for all those moments you’re reminded of me, you’ll touch your knee and realize you hadn’t climbed your favorite mountain to your favorite view in a while. You’ll wonder if instead of the common smooth edged rock you’d found on the ground, the one you could buy for five dollars at your local farmers market, you could’ve had a fine cut diamond with jagged edges.
And as you look into her eyes and see your reflection you’ll wonder if the pressure of my love could’ve made you a diamond as well.

—  I am the one before the one

夢 子

there will always be someone who enjoys your brilliant ideas and listens intently to everything you say. there will be someone one day who asks for your opinion, because that is the only thing that matters, and it’s going to be the only thing they hear and listen to. there’s going to be a day when all the fantastic and beautiful thoughts you’ve had are going to be valued and no longer forced to stay inside your head. your brain is absolutely stunning, and there will be a day when your essence is shared, appreciated, and loved for its quality.

Stand up for yourself as much as you want, as much as you can. And get it in your head that it is not vain to give wholehearted acknowledgment to the fact that people envy you and so try to hurt you because of how beautifully brilliant you are. Take it as a trade off if you will. You are a threat of endless kindness, boundless love, insightful thought and perspective, and truth. Some people just can’t handle the purity and authenticity of such a soul.
—  d.c.

It’s been said that we really only fall in love with three people in our lifetime.

Yet, it’s said that we need each of these loves for a different reason.

Often our first is when we are young, high school even. It’s the idealistic love; the one that seems like the fairytales we are all read as children.

It’s a love that looks right.

The second is supposed to be our hard love; the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved.

Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even.

It’s the love that we wished was right.

And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually comes dressed as all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be.

It’s the love that just feels right.

Maybe we don’t all experience these loves in this lifetime; but perhaps that’s just because we aren’t ready to.

Possibly maybe we need a whole lifetime to learn or maybe if we’re lucky it only takes a few years.

And there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately lasts until their last breath.

Someone once told me they are the lucky ones; and perhaps they are.

But I kinda think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones.

They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love.

But there’s not; it’s just a matter of if someone loves in the same way that they do or not.

And maybe there’s something special about our first love, and something heartbreakingly unique about our second…but there’s also just something about our third.

The one we never see coming.
The one that actually lasts.
The one that shows us why it never worked out before.

And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love.