I’ve been a shopping addict in the past, spending all my money on things that I didn’t need to fill that hole in my chest. I tried to make myself more worthy through things and belongings, being caught in a constant need for more.
I’ve also been super shallow and focused on looks, letting myself be defined by my outer appearance and the size of boobs, my butt, my pants.
There were times where the way I felt about myself was defined by the number of friends or lovers I had, by the amount of attention I received. After I realised what I was doing, I tried to shift my focus, but ended up collecting special moments and connections with people like others collect stamps. And while I think the true beauty of life lays in collecting moments rather than things, I’m aware now that it’s impossible to experience something outstanding and special everyday. As long as I don’t realise that there is something beautiful and special in the silent, small moments as well, that simply sitting there with my eyes closed, watching my breath and listening to my beating heart might be as meaningful as going on a big journey to a place I’ve never been to before, my life will remain stressful and unfulfilled.
The more I’ve been through, the more I realise that it seems to be balance that fills the emptiness inside me. A healthy mix of new and old, big and small, excitement and stillness, learning new things and finding a home in the known. Being outgoing and relaxing by myself, enjoying my own company.
Traveling and coming home.
Looking inward and then again letting it all go and watching a silly movie. Movement and stillness.
No one can dive in the deep waters all the time, we all have to catch a breath at some point, and sometimes it’s also necessary to just stand in shallow waters at the shore.
I don’t remember my baptism, I had no choice in it. Cold water, empty words and gestures lost in ignorance.
At my confirmation, you swayed my mind. I was young, and existed in a world of fantasy and you told me stories; pawned them off for truths.
I don’t blame you, because you believed them too.
I know you don’t forgive me for leaving the world you tried to craft for me. When I call you, our relationship held together by a thin wire three thousand meters long, you remind me of my damned soul.
I forgive you, because I know that in your mind, you’re trying to save me from an eternity of hellfire, but I don’t want your prayers.
If your God is in fact real, it is a God of hatred, who divides and sacrifices the happiness of the many for the wealth of the few; in guise of mercy and love.
If your God is real, I’d rather fall into the pit he threw his favored creation, for even the Morning Star makes more sense to me; a villainous creature who is at least honest in his convictions.
Take the thin pages you’ve stuffed into my ears as a child, because I want to hear the truth; not words of men, but the voice that echoes in the fabric of the universe.
Your fantasy told me to believe, without asking questions.
Only a fool believes without asking questions.
If I was made in his image, why do I have this insatiable urge to ask ALL the questions? To then ask questions about the answers that came before?
I will not close my mind.
I will question everything.
Father, you try to save me from an imagined fate, of an imagined reality, sold to you at a staggering price by the greed of men.
The collection at mass was not only a currency of cash, but of your freedom. You sacrificed your mind, your money and your entire life, for a swindle.
I am sad for you, blind to the true beauty of life by a silk ribbon so exquisite that you thought it to be reality.
Soon, the truth will be revealed to you Father, when you lay dying, terrified of the path ahead. That fear you will feel is not in your control. I have felt it, on the battlefield. That fear is your body reminding you that there is no fields of wheat beyond the gates of life. Here, you will stay; your carcass returning its energy to the fold from which it came.
I wish I could make you see.
I don’t need your prayers.
I’ve been on borrowed time since the moment I stripped the future from another human being. I have been ready for the reaper since I set foot in his realm and took up his scythe to use myself.
Summary: “As Christmas came around, all Sakura wants is to finally have Sasuke”
Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto.
Comments: “This is my first time writing a really long SasuSaku fanfic for SasuSaku month, I hope you like!”
The Winter arrived and Christmas is in two days. Everyone’s excited to enjoy Christmas with their lovers, except for me. I have to work at the Children’s clinic this winter and help out with Christmas Eve dinner and presents for the childrens. Not saying I won’t enjoy it, but… I too would love to spend time with… you. I haven’t seen you in so long, and I sometimes wonder how you’re doing. I’m always write letters, but never mail them. Hell, I wouldn’t know where to send them anyways. As i look at the snow falling down from the dull gray sky, I can’t help but tear. All I want… is to see you this Christmas…
“Hey Sakura! Let’s go! We have to get ready for the Party tomorrow!” Ino rushed to Sakura. She wore her long dark purple jacket and a white scarf along with white earmuffs.
“Yea, there’s so much to do”. Sakura and Ino rushed to the clinic as a dark figure hid behind the ale.
As the girls finished decorating the clinic for the children, it was already night time and time to head home. “Hey sweety!!!” Ino shouted as she ran into Sai’s arms and hugged him.
“How was it today?” Sai asked as he held her.
“It was really nice. The room looks amazing! I can’t wait to see Chouji in that Santa outfit”. Ino and Sai chuckled at the idea of him wearing it.
“I’ll see you guys later. Get home safely”. Sakura wave good-bye.
“Hey Saku-” Ino looked at her worried as she knew something was wrong. “I’m worry about her. Sasuke didn’t come last Christmas and she was so excited to see him”. Ino looked at Sai.
“She’s a strong girl, I know she’ll be ok”. Sai looked at Sakura walking away.
“I hope so”. Ino and Sai walked home.
‘That was rude of me… lately, I can’t seem to look at my friends enjoy the time they have with their lover without my heart sinking. I hate this feeling… I’m tired of feeling this way. I have for so many years and even though I confessed to him that day… I wonder if he…’ Sakura walked to her apartment alone.
(December 24th/ Christmas Eve).
Sakura arrived in her Santa dress including Ino as well, as they were Santa’s little helpers. They help give out food, told tales of the Christmas Ninja and also gave out presents to the children’s. As the day was coming to an end, Sakura rushed to her parents house in her Santa outfit as she was almost late for family dinner.
“Hey I’m here!” Sakura removed her shoes.
“Hey sweety! How was work!” Mebuki greeted Sakura.
“It was beautiful. Seeing those happy faces of those childrens, was really heartwarming” Sakura smiled warmly.
Mebuki looked at Sakura as she could tell she was lonely without someone to be loved by. Be loved by Sasuke Uchiha.
As the Haruno sat and ate their christmas dinner, they shared moments and jokes as they night was almost turn midnight. Sakura changed into regular white pants and light green sweatshirt and began to wash the dishes.
“It’s ok, I have it, just make dishes for you to take home”. Mebuki took in charge of the dishes. “Sakura..”
“Yes mother?” Sakura made some dishes.
“You still love him, do you”. Mebuki asked.
Sakura looked at her surprised. She stood quiet with a sad face. “Yes”.
“Even after all that he has done to this village? Do you see past his darkness?”
Sakura looked down and thought of Sasuke and all the times he looked at her with darkness in his eyes. Everytime she imaged it, her heart ache badly. “I’m in love with him. He’s also one the saviors of Konoha, alongside Naruto. Throughout his journey, he has seen what it means to be a ninja and now he’s walking the world to see the true beauty of life. I believe in him and even if his feelings might not be the same as mine, I’ll be by his side”. Sakura smiled as the image of Sasuke appeared in her mind.
Mebuki smiled.” As long as you know what you’re doing and your hearts in the right place, I know you’ll get the best in life”. She hugged her tightly.
“Thank you mother”. Sakura hugged her back.
(Sakura’s Apartment/ 12Am)
“Ugh it’s so cold out there”. Sakura turn on the lights and saw wet footsteps reaching towards the kitchen. She quickly turn off the light and went on ninja mode. She took one of her kunais out of her jack and slowly followed the footsteps. She could hear someone making noises as she was getting closer. As she reached behind the mysterious person another person approached from behind her, welding a longsword near her neck.
“Who are you and what are you doing in my apartment?” Sakura said as held the kunai behind the person’s neck. The person lowered his sword and turn on the kitchen light and poofed away. And at that moment, as the person turn around, Sakura eyes began watering up. Her heart began beating faster and faster as the one person she wished for, was standing in front of her. “Sasuke-Kun?”
Sasuke looked at at her and smiled. “Eh, sorry I sneaked. Nar-” Sakura rushed and hugged him tightly and buried her face on his chest. “Sasuke…”
Sasuke looked down and placed his hand behind her back and held her with the only arm he had. “Sakura..” He noticed tears falling down her cheek as she hid her cried within.
“Are you hungry Sasuke? I brought food from my parents place”. Sakura looked up and smiled
Sasuke smiled back. “Yea”.
I can’t believe it! He’s here! He’s finally here. In my house! Hes Here!
As Sasuke ate, Sakura prepared an extra space for him to sleep. “Sasuke, If you like, I prepared extra space for you to sleep for the night and warm the bath for you”. Sakura said as she blushed.
“Thank You Sakura”. Sasuke smiled at her, sending her chills in her body.
Sakura rushed to her room and took a deep breath. “Sakura get it together!” You have room in your room for him to sleep on the extra air mattress. And there’s enough soap if he needs an food if he’s hungry. This is your chance to keep him around for at least a few days. You have to keep it together!”. Sakura double checked for things to be ready before going back to the kitchen. As she reached the kitchen, she saw Sasuke trying to wash the dishes with his one hand.
“No, Sasuke, I got-” Sakura saw that the dishes were finished and spotless. ‘I didn’t think he would be good with one hand’. Sakura thought to herself. “The bathes ready Sasuke-Kun”. Sakura smiled.
“Thank you”. He followed her to the the only bathroom that was across from her bedroom.
As Sasuke took a shower and Sakura sat on her bed thinking of Sasuke cleaning himself and how difficult it must be. As she sat with her towel around her waiting for her turn she was eager to knock on the door and asked if he needed help. As she stood in front of the door inches away from knocking, Sasuke quickly opened it. His hair was covered in soap and his body was wet. “GAHH!!!” Sakura gasped as she was surprised. “Sakura, can you lend me a hand?” Sasuke blushed a bit as she looked to the side.
“Um, Y-Y-yes!” Sakura entered the bathroom. Sasuke sat on the stool as Sakura knee behind him.
“Can you help me wash my hair” Sasuke asked.
Sakura lean forward and pumped more soap onto her hand and began scrubbing his hair. She noticed that Sasuke had long silky black hair. His black hair, in between her fingers. And his naked body infront of her. She reached her right hand to covered his eyes, so soap wouldn’t get into his eyes as she washed away the soap away.
“Thank you”. Sasuke said hiding his blush from her.
“No problem. If you need anything, please let me know”. Sakura stood up, and before she turn, Sasuke reached for her hand.
“Dont you need to shower as well?” Sasuke looked at her in the eyes, sending chills.
“It’s ok, i’ll just wait”. Sakura declined, even though she wanted to so bad.
Sasuke stood up unafraid to show his body. Sakura quickly covered her eyes blushing. “At least clean yourself first”. Sasuke walked to the bathtube leaving Sakura frozen from the seeing his naked body for the first time.
As Sasuke bathed in the tube, Sakura nervously clean herself as Sasuke was next to her. Her heart beated faster and faster. She could feel his glare staring at her, at least she thought. Sasuke looked forward, respecting Sakura space without looking, until he noticed Sakura untying her hair. He couldn’t look away from her slim body and her slim waist; he couldn’t look away from her beautiful body. As Sakura stood up she noticed him staring at her. ‘OH! He’s looking at me!’ Sakura played it cool and walked out the bathroom as she was done cleaning herself.
Sakura put on clothes and lay on her bed blushing. The image of his naked body remain on her head, making her blush.
“Sakura?” Sasuke came in with Black sweatpants and a black tank top.
“Yes?” Sakura looked at him nervously.
“Thank you for taking me in without questions”. Sasuke said as he approached her. The power went out as they looked at each other.
“I guess it’s storming hard. Sakura looked outside the window. Sasuke stood behind her as they gap between them was no longer there. “Sasuke?” Sakura turn back and looked into his eyes. The nervousness she had was no longer there as she could see the loneliness in his eyes. “Sasuke…” Sasuke looked down at her as she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Sasuke… I missed you so much…”
Sasuke wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in. “I missed you too, Sakura. Sakura; Do you forgive me for all that i’ve done to you? Do you forgive me for almost killing you that day? Do you forgive me-”
Sakura got on her tippy toes and kissed him deeply. He knew deep down, Sakura had already forgiven him, but he wanted her to say it to him, say it to his face.
“Of course I do! I never held a grudge against you! I knew that you were going through a rough time and you did somethings, but my love for you never changed” Sasuke looked at the pink girl cry in front of him. Her words struck him as he couldn’t help but hold her.
“I’m sorry Sakura”.
Sakura looked at him and smiled. “I forgive you Sasuke”. Sasuke looked at her and felt it. He couldn’t take it anymore. The urge to hold her, to kiss her, to touch her was boiling within him he couldn’t take it anymore. He took the her and lay her on the bed, quickly removing the clothes she just put on, he stripped her down completely. She lay there looking up at the one she loved for so long, looking down at her.
She reached and caressed his cheek. “Sasuke…” A tear felt down as she continue smiling at him. He could see the pain he had placed upon her for so many years, it killed him. He removed his tank-top with his one hand and lean over and kissed her deeply. Sasuke couldn’t last long with one arm holding his weight for that long. He slowly turn to his side as Sakura was now on top of him.
‘Is this happening? Am I really doing this with him? I can’t breath. This feel surreal’
Sakura covered her breast with one arm and her lower part with the hand.
Sasuke was amazed at her beautiful body and without realizing it, noticed her eyes shut. “Sakura? Are you ok?”
“Yes! I’m just.. so happy…” Her tear drop drip down onto her chest and between her breast, making Sasuke erection to increase.
Sakura eyes opened as she could feel it against her lower part. She looked at Sasuke as he looked at her without words. She slowly removed her hands away as he was now face to face with her body. His erection grew bigger and bigger turning Sakura on. He slowly slid his hand up and touched her smooth skin as it reached her breast. His thumb slowly rubbing her hard nipples that send chills all over her body .
“S-S-Sasuke”. Sakura moan his name making him turn on even more. The feeling of his boner drove her crazy as she began to slowly grind against it.
“Sakura…” Sasuke tilt his head to the side as it felt so good having her grind against his hard boner. She too couldn’t hold it anymore
She slowly removed his sweats, exposing his erect boner popping out quickly. Her mouth water a bit more as she never imagine his penis would be so thick. She began grinding against his penis as her wet pussy made it more pleasurable. She bit on her lower lip as his tip rubbed on her clit making her arch her back.
Sasuke flipped her over as she layed on her back. He spread her legs and smiling at how wet she became. “You’re so wet” Sasuke lay beside her on his missing arm side as his other hand reached and stroked her clit slowly.
“Does it feel good?” Sasuke whispered into her ear.
“Y-Yes!” Her voice cracked as he touched her clit.
“Tell me. Have you been waiting for this?” Sasuke asked.
“Yes!” Sakura arched her back as he kept rubbing her clit in a circular motion.
“Have any boy touched you this way?”
“Am I the Only one”
“Have you kissed anyone”.
“No!” She said spreading her legs wider.
Sasuke stop rubbing and slowly enter two fingers into her. A loud gasp came out of her mouth and send her back to arch more.
He knew if he continued a bit longer she would reach her limits. He spread her legs and looked down at her as he began entering his penis in her.
“Aaahh!” Sakura moan loud as it was painful.
“Does it hurt?” Sasuke stopped as he saw blood on his penis.
“No, I can’t wait anymore, Sasuke please…” She begged him not to stop.
Sasuke gripped her thighs and began thrusting in her slowly. Thrusting slowly drove him crazy as it was making him want to eat her up even more. Without realizing it, he began thrusting harder and harder, activating his Sharingan.
“S-S-Sasu-” Sakura covered her mouth so the neighbors wouldn’t hear her moan loudly. Deeper and deeper, Sasuke went, not caring about anything. He waited for this, to actually show Sakura his feelings for her and being the true man she deserved.
“Sakura, don’t cover your mouth. Don’t cover those beautiful moans”. Sasuke said as he pushed her legs high enough her knees were on her chest.
“FUCK!” Sakura began moaning louder and louder. “Sasuke! AHHH!” She bit her bottom lips as his penis was going deeper, touched the end of pussy.
If we continue, he’ll devour me. If we continue, I might not stop…
As few minutes went by, Sakura was on doggy position. Face against the bed as her ass was grab tightly. Sasuke thrust into her harder and deeper. Small part of his black bangs sticked against his sweaty face. Seeing Sakura in a naughty position drove him crazy that he was about to reach his limit; Sakura as well.
“Sakura, I’m about-”
“Me too” Sakura held on to the bed sheets as it felt amazing each thrust Sasuke did.
Sasuke pulled out and released on her back as Sakura bit her lips. The wet feeling of his cum lay on her back while she felt her orgasum taking over body drove her mind to go blank. He wiped off the cum off her back with tissue and lay next to her as she tried to catch her breath. She noticed the time on her Alarm Clock that said 12:34AM and realized that the gift she ever asked for, was finally hers. The love of her life was by her side.
The world outside is ever so continuously
Burning and constantly churning
So take refuge inside the dishonest chapel
Instead of evolving, adapting and learning
Your ignorance does not and will not Stagger the incomprehensible inevitable
For the pages of life will keep on turning
This sadistic saga of ultimate survival This chapter continues its epic conquest
Of unemphatic godless apathy
Despite all religious cults of false beliefs
For mother nature cares not for humanity
And all of their acclaimed divine deities
Worship the true beauty of life and love
Instead of praying to your entitled egos
The fate of the world depends on all of us
As individuals connected to each other
We must become one and another
For time is not linear but for us it is ending
New beginnings arise on the
Horizons of change, the ever impending
Doom of all human kind can only
Be accepted and universally praised
For fear of death is the only God
That truly exists in our defined reality
So spiritually break free from the spectrum
Of the population’s preordained and Massively produced perspective
And embrace the new order of perception
For darkness lingers within all living light
There is always a shadow obsessively Attached to every “morally correct” idea
That has ever and will ever be conceived
Our selfish needs will never be fulfilled
Our carnal desires will never be satisfied Enlightenment is the most devastating Disappointment to our modern civilization
Today’s society is a hidden occult
Eclipsed by the blissfulness of our
Narrow-minded brainwashed sense of “freedom”
To be free is to finally question yourself
Our connection with the Earth is the
Truest possibility of a higher self
The chains of colonization are still in
Full affect and we are the new age Minimum wage slaves committed to our Self-fulling prophecies for it comforts our Conformity and falsely perceived ideas of Personality as we rot inside of our
Self-contained personal mental prisons
Someone wise once said:
“The best way to keep a prisoner is to Convince them that they’re not in jail”
Time to wake up is now or never and
We all need to stop believing in fairy tales
And take the empathetic highway of realism
Onto the interstate of beautiful acceptance
For hiding within the constricting confines
Of the hypocrisy of religions and ministries
Is what has been holding us back as a Species for centuries and centuries
Politics and media have been endlessly Patronizing and secretly controlling us Ever since their demonic conception
The government is a fallacy, a conspiracy
Elaborately and intricately designed by
The fruitfulness and nourishment of lies
When we can take up our arms, unified and Expand on what it means to be a free human being and Redefine are definitions of individual equality Only when we can critically question the
People placed in positions of power and
Change our internal need for leadership
Is when we can approach anarchy with
A new found mutual respect and Evolutionary adaptation for order because
Chaos is the one true form of freedom
We will ever experience in actuality but
First we need your constitution and willpower To evolve your instinctual behaviors Understand than nihilism is regressive Real progression begins with starving the ego And most philosophies are just the actualization of Our falsely believed ”Superior Sentience” That only disconnects us further from nature Tap into you innate intimate animalism and Your uncivilized minimalist need solely for survival Must stop being mocked and ridiculed but But taken with solemn and soulful seriousness For this is not a joke and it is not satirical Anymore nor was it ever a parody to begin with Our ignorance remains through our humor Our last defense to our hilarious self-crippling Torment of constant inner-conflict But the laughter will cease to be when we Ultimately arrive, unprepared, at the gates of hell So by God, no God will help us besides The Gods that have been living and raging Impatiently waiting inside of all of us There is no other way to eliminate the Societal self-deprecation that has been Deconstructing who we are as people than To create artwork and vessels for our feelings That connects us with our unquenchable thirst For awareness and authenticity We need no alienating alleviation for This evil unwavering way of life, for we have been Desperately starving for real salvation And that unstable and nonsensical savior Is us vulnerably evolved in togetherness Spiritually united by a common cause of Righteousness and vigor for a more Vitalizing meaningful existence I die everyday that i cannot live a better life I cannot bear to exist as a puppet in this lie We have a cosmic purpose much greater than Just paying the rent and exchanging Paper bills to own property and materials We have the collective ability to become The revolution, but only once we stop Revolving around our cultural possessions and Mass hallucinations of idealism Once we abandon our useless fear of abandonment Solve the persisting issues with independence Stop the anxiety and start celebrating our Shared identities because honestly, in real life, None of us are born inherently special We are defined by our definite indefiniteness and Will forever be inadequately unique and “never enough” So succumb your body and mind to the Harmonious energy of the infinite universe Allow yourself be engulfed inside of the Entirety of the ever-expanding Cosmos, The gift of spiritual enlightenment has Been knocking at the door of the unknown Ready to be unanimously explored By the metaphysical travelers, healers, believers, And Torch Bearers of this dying world We are face to face with our self-inflicted extinction At the end of all of our justified fabrications of lies And imagined impossible fantasies We shall prevail! Becoming the Death of The Old The Finale Rebirth of The Earth We shall awaken! With the realization of our destiny and fate We have a date at the boundaries of space Becoming limitless as we reach the pearly gates Surpassing the threshold of earthly emotion; Consequently conquering all human suffering We shall transcend like titans into the Eternal ethereal realm of immortality When we reach the unfathomable state of Nirvana We shall learn what we cannot consciously Comprehend on this physical dimension We shall gain the impossible knowledge of A universal higher understanding of The divine vibrational frequency of all creation We are our created Gods But we’ve been devolving through technology and Generations of genetic engineering so In our substantial lust for a real connection we must Advance adventitiously amidst the graves Of all the free thinkers and revolutionaries That have came before and fallen pray Viciously to the woes of the hateful greedy men that Masterfully manipulate the masses so In amending to these the absolutely horrifying implications Of our immediate future and disaster Presently, i have presented my very vexed view Of our non-ironically timely demise All in hopes that we can all be opened up to The rise of our inner selflessness and to Ride on the cusp of the upcoming Expansion of the ego-less mindset Attributed to this ever-so-growing implicit demands Of the destruction of society’s Monotonous molding of our minds, The time to end this seemingly-never-ending Cycle of painful rumination has come to the surface Of our attention as a whole for we have Been left heartless in this furnace since The beginning of civilized man and now The beginning of Gods will commence Resonating with our heavenly freedom, let us rejoice! Reminisce with this joy and pureness you shall receive We were whimsically and intangibly conceived Magically powerful and ageless, Timeless without my physical confinement Over-encompassing all that’s above Live momentously in the presence of love Never underestimate who you will become We’re all been spun from the spider of the sun but We’ve been stuck inside the wed of what we’ve done We need to break loose, pull our heads from out the noose As we lift the veil of falsehood we all perceive the Truth! Open your eyes, open your mind, It’s time to wake from the self-induced comatose We are raping the world that we need to be living in harmony with While we’re being raped by the world that we made exist Humanity’s been hallowed, drowning in its shallowness We’ve been dying slowly in the desert of our selfishness But alas! We discovered the oasis of enlightenment Drink from these waters for we are all parched But this has been my calling card and I need you all to start Living a life that is true to your heart, true to your art I need all you to start being who you truly are