girlfriend just delivered me a box of candy canes and here is my new personality test to replace MBTI or astrology or whatever
the Cruncher: you start at the hook end and chew your candy cane to pieces. you are forthright and impatient. behind your back people call you an asshole, but lovingly. how do you cope with that much hard candy stuck in your teeth.
the Snapper: you start at the hook end and snap off bite-sized pieces, eating each piece before you unwrap the next segment. you are life’s natural planner. so orderly you probably use colour-coded excel spreadsheets for your groceries. you never forget to do all that seasonal cleaning apartment therapy tells me to do and i never do. like dusting your baseboards. you probably do that.
the Unwrapper: you start at the long end and unwrap the whole thing so you can clutch it stickily in your bare hands. you beautiful rule-breaking moth. nobody should touch a candy cane with their bare fingers. what is wrong with you.
the Shiv: you start at the long end and suck it into the deadliest seasonal weapon. you definitely have siblings. probably you were raised in a household where weapons as toys were discouraged. probably you’re also kind of awkwardly masochistic.
side note. if you like the fruit flavoured candy cane better than the peppermint one, you’re wrong. straight-up just wrong.
I’ve been working my way through the Pacific North West Stories podcasts (The Black Tapes and Tanis) and despite my low tolerance for scary things I still really enjoy listening to them (even after dark)
Besides their mutual obsession with waffles and hometown being in Indiana, I’m convinced that Eleven would start to use completely nonsense but totally adorable compliments for her friends like Leslie Knope does with Ann, y’know? Because she’s still learning how the English language works, sometimes she comes up with non-sequitur things like “Dustin, you beautiful tropical fish” “Mike, you’re a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk-ox” “Lucas, you beautiful, rule-breaking moth” and the boys just go along with it because…heck, it’s El
Sana, you beautiful tropical fish. You’re smart as a whip and you’re cool under pressure
Oh, Sana, you beautiful, rule-breaking moth
I’ve said this to you before and I know it makes you uncomfortable, but you’re thoughtful, and you’re brilliant, and your ambiguous ethnic blend perfectly represents the dream of the Norwegian melting pot
Sana, you’re a genius! Your brain is almost as perfect as your face
Oh, Sana. You beautiful, naïve, sophisticated newborn baby
Oh Patroclus, you beautiful tropical fish. You poetic, noble land mermaid. You beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox. You wild and crazy flower pot. You magnificent tree of life. You transcendent little seahorse. You clever, wonderful flying squirrel. You beautiful, rule-breaking moth. You barrel of monkeys…and kindness.
POE IS A GIFT FROM THE FUCKING GODS HE IS SO EPIC AND BRAVE AND STRONG HE'S THE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR HE'S A DISNEY PRINCE BUT HE COULD PROBABLY DECAPITATE YOU ACTUALLY HE COULD KILL ANYBODY AND WALK AWAY LIKE THE BADASS HE IS
shh please don't scream I know Poe is a beautiful, rule-breaking moth, but he is still a moth