Darkness. That’s the first thing I remember. It was dark, it was cold, and I was scared. But then… then I saw the moon. It was so big, and it was so bright. It seemed to chase the darkness away. And when it did… I wasn’t scared anymore. Why I was there and what I was meant to do, that I’ve never known, and a part of me wonders if I ever will.
Here i am sitting in the balcony of our old apartment. Watching people run around happily around the rain and feeling the raindrops gradually fall on the midst of my palm. I gazed at the giddily souls as flashbacks of last December took over. The day i fell in love with a sad soul, and dancing around the rain with our hair so wet and stomach throbbing from laughter. When we danced our sorrows away and expressed our broken hearts into the rain. Last December i was naive and in love with you.
But early December i was by myself discovering the secrets that once were clouded by the abstract fantasy of “love”. Early December i woke up to the sound of thunder and storms, not the peaceful raindrops that we both loved ever so deeply. Early December I sip my black coffee and remembering all the darkness of the world not your auburn coffee bean eyes.
Early December, i was alone and afraid. That maybe one day I might never be able to love someone as much as my heart ached about loving you. Early December, I no longer loved the rain without you here by my side. Early December, I forgot the feeling of waking up to you smiling and telling me how beautiful I was. Early December, I’m missing you ever so terribly.
I’m tired of feeling sad about stupid shit.
I’m tired of Instagram models.
I’m tired of Photoshop.
I’m tired of picking at my face and seeing flaws in everything.
I’m tired of non-Black women causally referring to black men as “these niggas”
I’m tired of the N-word being taken lightly
I’m tired of unrealistic beauty standards
I’m tired of natural beauty being underrated
I’m tired of ass shots
I’m tired of fake friendships
I’m tired of picking at my body when it’s beautiful
I’m tired of people telling me I’m pretty and having too many days when I don’t see it
I’m tired of black men slandering black women
I’m tired of the term “good hair”
I’m tired of people repping team light skin
I’m tired of people lying about their ethnicity to appear more exotic
I’m tired of people cheating on good people
I’m tired of what social media has done to this generation
I’m tired of bullying being tolerated
I’m tired of people saying all kinds of outlandish shit for a RT
I’m tired of seeing the same white girls who bullied me for my hair wearing cornrows
I’m tired of big lips only being “pretty” on non-Black women
I’m tired of bad music
I’m tired of talent not being a factor when signing an artist
I’m tired of black girls not smiling at each other while passing one another on the street
I’m tired of BallerAlert & TheShadeRoom
I’m tired of every girl looking the same on these beauties pages
I’m tired of men bashing natural hair
I’m tired of doing my hair
I need a break. So I’m taking it.
Taking back my peace. This social media shit has gotten out of hand. It’s so toxic and reveals all of the evils of the world. People have gone too far just for likes. It’s pitiful.